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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Star Wars is dead

Not that George Lucas hasn't methodically gone about ruining his creation for decades, beginning with The Return of the Jedi and those damned Ewoks, but the sale of Lucasfilm to Disney pretty much guarantees that the franchise will never, ever, return to its erstwhile glory.  This take on the acquisition by a Slashdot commenter named Doctor Jest summed it up rather nicely:
Mark my words.... Episode 7 will be all goddamned Ewoks. And Chewbacca will have a perm and PTSD from the final battle. Then we have to have the token black guy/chick... forget Billy Dee Williams. We're getting Will Smith or his bratty little kid. C3P0 will finally come out of the closet and admit he's been taking it up the exhaust pipe from IG-88 for years. R2D2 will be turned into a karaoke machine.... Luke will become a homeless religious nut while Han Solo and Leia will have six kids on galactic welfare... and the evil Ritt Momney will threaten to close the youth center Han and Leia run unless the duo can field a tiddlywinks team in time for the big tournament on Yaavin IV. Meanwhile, the Emperor's clones will become the universe's ugliest choir.

Now I know the franchise is truly dead. Thank goodness I got it on Blu Ray before Disney got their slimy dickskinners on the franchise. Disney fucked the Muppets... (I believe they killed Henson because he was having second thoughts on the sale... ok, so I made that up... but Disney's fucking evil!)
It's sad, because Disney used to be a wonderful organization itself.  Now it is the evil vampire squid of the entertainment world, mindlessly devouring and excreting out the stinking remnants of one entertainment franchise after another.  It was never going to happen, but imagine how much creativity could have been unleashed if George Lucas had released Star Wars under the LGPL.  Instead, we're going to get gay Ewoks singing musical numbers and Hispanic princesses wielding lightsabers and going on intergalactic voyages with sparkly alien vampires where they defeat the evil Ritt Momney and Pand Raul in the process of learning the important lesson that the ultimate truth in life is to be tolerant of others who are different... unless they are Republicans.

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120 Comments:

Anonymous DrTorch October 31, 2012 10:11 AM  

Actually, the beginning of The Return of the Jedi wasn't the problem...

Just a little levity. I hated the ewoks from the beginning.

Still, I haven't seen Disney ruin Marvel films yet.

Blogger vandelay October 31, 2012 10:13 AM  

Instead, we're going to get gay Ewoks singing musical numbers and Hispanic princesses wielding lightsabers and going on intergalactic voyages with sparkly alien vampires where they defeat the evil Ritt Momney and Pand Raul in the process of learning the important lesson that the ultimate truth in life is to be tolerant of others who are different... unless they are Republicans.

This is a pretty accurate summation of the prequels too. So while Disney's version will definitely suck, at least they can't make things any worse. I'm forcing myself to be positive here

Anonymous JartStar October 31, 2012 10:14 AM  

It will be a remarkable accomplishment if Disney can actually create a worse movie than any of the prequels. The politics will be ridiculous, but the Disney's first Pirates of the Caribbean made more sense than any of the prequels.

Also, Lucas can no longer go back and edit the originals.

OpenID sparklefun2 October 31, 2012 10:15 AM  

Yeah, now that they're owned by Disney, Star Wars is truly dead.

After all, who can forget how Marvel was bought out by Disney and then never made another decent movie after that.

Anonymous patrick kelly October 31, 2012 10:15 AM  

Sounds much more entertaining to me, but I've never been a fan boy of the franchise. Probably wouldn't have gone to the theater to see any after ROTJ except for the sake of the children.

Anonymous Salt October 31, 2012 10:18 AM  

What is it? 4.3 Billion? Lucas is laughing all the way to the bank.

May the Force be with him.

Blogger Crowhill October 31, 2012 10:24 AM  

I don't think it's such an awful thing. It's not as if Star Wars is great literature. Lucas simply rehashed some standard stories and augmented them with special effects. I love Star Wars, but it's not Great Art.

However, if Disney ever re-releases the original Star Wars, you can be sure it will be Princess Leia who shoots Greedo in the bar, and who mans the AA guns on the Falcon.

Blogger Crowhill October 31, 2012 10:25 AM  

However, I do agree with VD that the series will take a left turn, politically. That's sad, but it's just another straw in the pile.

Anonymous rho October 31, 2012 10:32 AM  

The best Star Wars movie was the one Lucas had the least to do with.

Disney can only improve the franchise.

Anonymous rycamor October 31, 2012 10:32 AM  

Pand Raul? That's actually a pretty good name for a Star Wars character.

Anonymous Josh October 31, 2012 10:34 AM  

HAN SHOT FIRST

Blogger Monster October 31, 2012 10:35 AM  

"Will" take a left turn politically? It already did that in the prequels. Who can forget Obi-Wan's retarded jab at Bush, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"? Lucas was already a leftard, Disney isn't going to make things worse, they can only make it better.

Anonymous VryeDenker October 31, 2012 10:43 AM  

Has everyone forgotten The Battle for Endor?

Anonymous VryeDenker October 31, 2012 10:45 AM  

Star Wars: The battle for Endor

Blogger Ken October 31, 2012 10:45 AM  

I'd have been skeptical of this if I hadn't enjoyed The Avengers - and, come to think of it, all the Marvel movies leading up to said movie - so damn much.

What's more, none of those movies were excruciatingly left-wing in tone, and in a few cases offered up some cheeky put-downs of progressive sacred cows (e.g. clean energy).

So I think there may be hope for Disney...as long as they focus more on the "sci-fi action adventure" part of the mythos and less on the "oooh, it has princesses!" part.

Anonymous tdm October 31, 2012 10:47 AM  

I've gotten a lot of strange looks from people over the years after I said to them that Disney was evil. It always has been and it always will be evil.

Anonymous rienzi October 31, 2012 10:55 AM  

Was the franchise ever alive to begin with? It's not like we're talking about "Citizen Kane", or "Casablanca" here.

I saw the first Star Wars movie back in the seventies, and thought it was great. The sequels, about the same.

Then, after years of waiting for the second trilogy, I walked out of the theater after about an hour. Jar Jar Binks? Stupid movie for pre-teens. Didn't see the two that came after, but heard that they were more of the same.

Finally, last year I borrowed a copy of the original, and watched it again. Aside from the special effects, which were cutting-edge for their day, but are common as dirt now, it was essentially nothing more than a half-assed kids' movie.

Disney can't kill what was never alive.

Anonymous JartStar October 31, 2012 10:56 AM  

Hey, how about Han and Leia's daughter won't want to be a proper princess but instead like everything a boy likes including pants, and constantly outwits everyone including Jedi Master Luke. Of course she'd be pretty to show that pretty girls only live fulfilling lives when they act like boys, except for when they need to manipulate the stupid boys around them with their charms.

It would be a truly groundbreaking character unseen in American cinema.

Blogger Bob Wallace October 31, 2012 10:56 AM  

I didn't realize how evil Disney had become until I found out it was behind "Powder," which was directed by a convicted pedophile and had scenes of hairless muscular teenage boys showering together.

Anonymous Randy M October 31, 2012 10:57 AM  

""Will" take a left turn politically? It already did that in the prequels. Who can forget Obi-Wan's retarded jab at Bush, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"? Lucas was already a leftard, Disney isn't going to make things worse, they can only make it better."
Indeed, if it took another left turn it would postively reactionary.

Anonymous Daniel October 31, 2012 11:00 AM  

I'm not entirely sure about this. Lucas already outdid Disney's worst excesses with the prequels (or squeequels, to coin a Scalzism).

Yes, Disney could aim its gaytron directly at further bloating and bastardizing.

On the other hand, John Carter, for its flaws (three opening scenes, two closing scenes, and hero with less charisma than the support) was a far better movie than any of the SW prequels, and somewhat better than Return of the Jedi. Enchanted was a funny fantasy. Bolt had far more exciting action scenes than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

So, I'm fine to let the bloated, corrupt, agenda-driven, illuminati-led Disney to have a crack at the property. Just based on volume, they are more likely to let the occasional bit of decency slip through the cracks, if nothing else but to lure the slightly more resistant future candidates for monarch programming.

It certainly can't be any worse than what Lucas did to his twin legacies of Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

Anonymous Mr. Nightstick October 31, 2012 11:03 AM  

Sometimes you are such whiny Nancy. Perhaps they will be horrible but there is a chance that they may be good. It's not like you pay to watch movies anyway. Boo Hoo, these free movies I pirate off the internet suck. Cry some more Vox.

Anonymous JJ October 31, 2012 11:04 AM  

Aren't there hundreds of Lucas-approved novels detailing every single second of the main characters' lives after Return of the Jedi? Are they just going to make movies out of that, or just hit delete and start over?

It does chip away at my enjoyment of big "franchise" movies how they can never just make something good and allow it to lie in state; the economic logic of moviemaking demands that anything successful be sequel'd, prequel'd, merchandised, spun off into comics & TV shows, and generally done to death until you're sick of it. Imagine a parallel universe with just 3 Star Wars movies, 3 Indiana Jones movies, 1 Matrix movie, and 1 Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Nicer for fans, probably less nice for studio shareholders.

Anonymous Roundtine October 31, 2012 11:05 AM  

Is it legally possible to do an LGPL where Lucas opens it up, but acceptance of it means he's owed X% of profits?

I'm not as pessimistic about Disney having the franchise. My initial reaction was optimism, since Lucas will not be making the next film. Second, I wondered if they will make the follow on story where Luke turns to the dark side, Empire was the best one afterall...... Finally, studios have been handing these types of projects to capable directors who have more than a commercial interest. I expect something closer to Nolan's Batman, Raimi's Spiderman, or Iron Man, rather than Phantom Menace (and those Marvel movies have been Disney for several years now.) Then again, maybe they will have Tim Burton direct Johnny Depp as Luke Skywalker.

Anonymous Feh October 31, 2012 11:07 AM  

I've gotten a lot of strange looks from people over the years after I said to them that Disney was evil. It always has been and it always will be evil.

Be sure to add what I always say about Disney -- rats are vermin that spread disease and spend most of their time copulating.

Blogger WATYF October 31, 2012 11:07 AM  

Several nerds and I were talking about this yesterday, and the general consensus was guarded optimism. This is for a few reasons:

1) Lucas already destroyed the franchise with his (generally) terrible prequels. Except for Episode III, they were unmitigated disasters. How can Disney possibly do any worse?

2) Lucas will only be on-board as a "creative consultant", and the best Star Wars movies were created when Lucas took a back seat and let others do the heavy lifting (a la Episode V).

3) Probably most importantly, Marvel movies have gotten even better since Disney bought Marvel (IMNSHO). Their ability to be hands-off and let others (like Whedon) do the creative work means that it's at least possible (if not even a little bit likely) that something better will come out of the franchise than the crap that Lucas squeezed out in the last decade-ish.

WATYF

Anonymous Edjamacator October 31, 2012 11:22 AM  

I don't know, I don't think anyone's stopped to consider that finally, FINALLY, we can have that Star Wars/Mulan crossover everyone's been dying to see.

Lucas killed Star Wars in ROTJ when he turned Luke's lightsaber into a nerf sword.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 11:29 AM  

Loath as I am to concur with a mere mortal, Disney's obsession with the heroes winning the day is most distressing. Don't let's be absurd; misfits and outcasts should never be able to come together in a matter of hours and defeat an entire invading army, especially one led by a god.

Marvel's collaboration with Disney has cost the human race greatly. Consider: you might have all been kneeling before me as I write this. Instead, you all are suffering from a group of slave-minded imbeciles running amok in your so-called government. I believe we can all agree that if you must be ruled, you could do better than these dull creatures you call "bureaucrats".

Loki 2012. Kneel, you mewling quims.

Anonymous Porky? October 31, 2012 11:30 AM  

Star Wars VII - The Wedding of Jar Jar Binks

Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Halle Berry

Anonymous Koanic October 31, 2012 11:31 AM  

That's not quite fair. There are some pretty badass video game cutscenes from the Star Wars Universe, and I expect that trend to continue.

In a way, it's appropriate that all great franchises die. Perhaps it's working as intended. First the real people discover a gem and raise it on their shoulders. Then the mouthbreathers, fags and women climb on board, and the thing collapses. It's not just a creative failure, but an audience failure.

Thus the only solution to bad art is to kill or impoverish everyone who sucks. Those in favor of Draculonian aesthetic dictatorship may write in my name.

Anonymous Clay October 31, 2012 11:33 AM  

I've known that Disney was evil incarnate, ever since I discovered their treatment and portrayal of that much-maligned noble creature, the lemming:

"The misconception of lemming "mass suicide" is long-standing and has been popularized by a number of factors. In 1955, Disney Studio illustrator Carl Barks drew an Uncle Scrooge adventure comic with the title "The Lemming with the Locket". This comic, which was inspired by a 1953 American Mercury article, showed massive numbers of lemmings jumping over Norwegian cliffs.[10][11] Even more influential was the 1958 Disney film White Wilderness, which won an Academy Award for Documentary Feature, in which staged footage was shown with lemmings jumping into certain death after faked scenes of mass migration.[12] A Canadian Broadcasting Corporation documentary, Cruel Camera, found the lemmings used for White Wilderness were flown from Hudson Bay to Calgary, Alberta, Canada, where they did not jump off the cliff, but were in fact launched off the cliff using a turntable.[13]"

Shameful.

Anonymous Mr. Nightstick October 31, 2012 11:33 AM  

I do realize the irony of my last post.

Blogger vandelay October 31, 2012 11:34 AM  

Aren't there hundreds of Lucas-approved novels detailing every single second of the main characters' lives after Return of the Jedi? Are they just going to make movies out of that, or just hit delete and start over?

They'll have to use some of that material if they want it out by 2015. A lot of the extended universe stuff is pretty good as far as generic comic book sci-fi/fantasy goes.

Anonymous Rollory October 31, 2012 11:36 AM  

Vox, you are totally wrong. The same organization that produced Iron Man, Captain America, and The Avengers can do far better with Star Wars than Lucas has.

Anonymous patrick kelly October 31, 2012 11:38 AM  

"Stupid movie for pre-teens."

Ah come on, I was in high school when it came out, and I honestly thought it was slightly better than that.

Blogger James Dixon October 31, 2012 11:42 AM  

> It's sad, because Disney used to be a wonderful organization itself.

They did some good stuff back when Walt was still alive, yes.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 11:45 AM  

Thus the only solution to bad art is to kill or impoverish everyone who sucks.

What a coincidence. This is a large plank of my campaign platform.

Loki 2012. Restoring culture, one corpse at a time.

Anonymous Zod! October 31, 2012 11:46 AM  

Loki 2012. Kneel, you mewling quims.

If there is any kneeling to be done, it will be before me.

ZOD!

Anonymous JCclimber October 31, 2012 11:52 AM  

Well, if you need to know whether or not it will be ruined, you just have to look at who they put in charge.

Was it a Star Wars fanboy geek who could hardly wait to get his hands on the franchise and add some real engaging stories with great lines and heroic characters?

Or was it a corporate ladder climbing, obsessive-controlling woman who says she will remain hands-off but really will stick her nose in to review the dailies and ensure that there are no politically incorrect lines that might get her in trouble with the liberal party set in Hollywood? You know, for the children?!?

Disney has been evil from early on, but that is true of almost everything in Hollywood/Babylon. Star Wars has promoted a pantheistic religion and the idea that it's okay if you slaughter a bunch of children in cold-blood if you do it for LUV. But placing a woman executive in charge of the franchise? I can't believe you guys haven't pointed out this is the death knell already.

Anonymous Koanic October 31, 2012 11:52 AM  

"What a coincidence. This is a large plank of my campaign platform."

The strongest platform is built on the coffins of the weak. May your next cyborg army run Linux.

Blogger papabear October 31, 2012 11:58 AM  

Didn't Lucas already put forth the tolerance message in the Star Wars Christmas Special?

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 12:01 PM  

If there is any kneeling to be done, it will be before me.

ZOD!


Have you an army?

Have you, in fact, an army of screaming, hybristophilic fangirls and their pet hamsters?

No.

Loki 2012. I can guarantee the women's vote.

Anonymous Stickwick October 31, 2012 12:01 PM  

Except for Episode III, they were unmitigated disasters.

Whereas Episode III was merely a mitigated disaster?

For anyone who hasn't seen these yet, check out Red Letter Media's nuclear deconstruction of the prequels (NSFW). In explaining what was heretofore so unspeakably awful about the prequels, Plinkett also discusses what worked in the original trilogy. These are some of the all-time brilliant cinematic analyses. If the folks at Disney have between them two brain cells to rub together, they'll pay attention to this.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 October 31, 2012 12:01 PM  

Didn't Lucas already put forth the tolerance message in the Star Wars Christmas Special?

It was a Love Day Special. There's no Christmas in space.

Anonymous DrTorch October 31, 2012 12:09 PM  

Except for Episode III, they were unmitigated disasters.

I couldn't even sit thru Episode III. I at least watched the others.

Anonymous Zod! October 31, 2012 12:22 PM  

Have you an army?

Why do you speak to me of an army? I am Zod. I AM an army.

Have you, in fact, an army of screaming, hybristophilic fangirls and their pet hamsters?

Human women are but a pale shadow of the beauty of Kryptonian women.

Loki 2012. I can guarantee the women's vote.

What is this "vote" nonsense? All WILL kneel before Zod! There is no choice.

But I will play your game for it amuses me. I will be President. I even have super-powered companions to be Vice President and Secretary of State. Do you have these things?

No. You have little play things.

Zod for President. If you feel your "vote" matters, so be it.

Anonymous Stickwick October 31, 2012 12:30 PM  

It was a Love Day Special. There's no Christmas in space.

It was Life Day, the day on Kashyyyk when pervy old Wookiees get their jollies watching vids of sexy Earth females.

(BTW, Rifftrax does the SW Holiday Special. It's the only way to watch it without losing your marbles.)

Anonymous Matt October 31, 2012 12:32 PM  

Thank goodness I got it on Blu Ray before Disney got their slimy dickskinners on the franchise.

Alas, those too are pretty much worthless. The Blu-Ray contains the original films only as the tortured and twisted dreck that is the special editions.

"NOOOOOO" indeed.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 12:35 PM  

I even have super-powered companions to be Vice President and Secretary of State. Do you have these things?

How fascinating, that you feel you require lackeys to stand in your stead should you falter. Is this a modicum of uncertainty I detect? Is this the boast of a one-being army?

Oh, yes, you are pathetic. You are a dying Internet meme that is only invoked in response to someone else's clever jape. You are desperate for the slightest acknowledgment, because you know yourself to be the mere shadow of a past glory, one that none take seriously for its being overused and invoked by pockmarked adolescents merely for "the lolz".

Crawl back into the dusty corner of the popular culture where you huddle, driveling, waiting for someone to call you forth so that you may make play at being entertaining, much less relevant. You are the childish fears of an unsophisticated past, forgotten even as an adult forgets the Boogeyman.

Go and weep over your lost empire. I have larger concerns.

Loki 2012. Admit it, the debates alone would be worth it.

Anonymous DT October 31, 2012 12:44 PM  

Instead, we're going to get gay Ewoks singing musical numbers...

Picture the very end of ROTJ stretched from a few minutes to two hours. The horror...

Blogger JDC October 31, 2012 12:44 PM  

My predictions...
1. Characters will arbitrarily break into song...I can just hear a love scorned Jedi lamenting the fact they cannot enter into a relationship with their same sex partner because the evil Jedi council is Republican.
2. Light sabers will become non-lethal pink rave sticks used to light the way to an enlightened understanding of violence and war.
3. Jar Jar Binks will wed a Gamorrean, and their little pig children will make us yearn for the days of the ewoks.
4. The Sith will be revealed to be an evolutionary advanced race of Socialists who will use whatever means at their disposal to enforce government paid contraception and abortions for all.
5. Han solo will have his balls removed.
6. Chewbaca will wear Han's balls around his neck as a sign that the races are moving towards androgeny.
7. The new Disney Star Wars ride will incorporate it's a small world, and require Vicodin just to get through it.
8. George Lucas will be laughing his arse off as he counts his 4 billion dollars.

Anonymous Difster October 31, 2012 12:45 PM  

Michael Eisner, brought Disney back from the dead. However, it should have stayed mostly dead. It's not a shadow of its former self, its a zombie of its former self.

Blogger SparkleFun October 31, 2012 12:53 PM  

7. The new Disney Star Wars ride will incorporate it's a small world, and require Vicodin just to get through it.

There's already a Star Wars ride in Disney, and it's amazing.

Anonymous Axe Head October 31, 2012 12:54 PM  

Walt Disney was awesome. Attacking Franklin D. Roosevelt for calling the 20th Century the "Century of the Common Man" he said, "Balls! It's the century of the Jew, the union cutthroat, the fag, and the whore! And FDR and the NLRB made it so."



Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 1:03 PM  

Walt Disney was awesome. Attacking Franklin D. Roosevelt for calling the 20th Century the "Century of the Common Man" he said, "Balls! It's the century of the Jew, the union cutthroat, the fag, and the whore! And FDR and the NLRB made it so."

Ah, but it was. You simply are using the wrong meaning of the word "common". Do you think he meant "ordinary"? No, he meant "held in common". Your twentieth century was the century of the man as owned not by himself nor by a deity, but by the state.

Anonymous WaterBoy October 31, 2012 1:18 PM  

DT: "Picture the very end of ROTJ stretched from a few minutes to two hours. The horror..."

Ewok King: The Musical

I can see it now: live action The Lion King relocated to Endor. Opening scene is a castaway maternity droid lifting baby Wicket W. Warrick skyward, while the rest of the Ewok village sings Circle of Life in Ewokese.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 1:25 PM  

I can see it now: live action The Lion King relocated to Endor. Opening scene is a castaway maternity droid lifting baby Wicket W. Warrick skyward, while the rest of the Ewok village sings Circle of Life in Ewokese.

And later, for added sodomite appeal, Wicket lowers Teebo to the leaf-strewn ground to the tune of "Can You Feel the Force Tonight?"

If you insist on tormenting yourselves, I see no reason not to bolster your efforts.

Anonymous Porky. October 31, 2012 1:27 PM  

Star Wars Ep VII - "My Big Fett Clone Wedding"

Ice Cube as Boba Fett
Cedric The Entertainer as Mrs. Fett

and Martin Lawrence as "Big Momma" Fett


Anonymous dh October 31, 2012 1:31 PM  

> There's already a Star Wars ride in Disney, and it's amazing.

Seconded - it's one of the best rides you can bring the family on. It's not going to make you vomit, it's richly detailed, and it has almost endless possibilities. It's really neat.

VD et all are pretending that George Lucas hasn't already capitalized in everyway on his creation. He has exploited it to the nth degree so his die hard fans are continually milked for more money.

Having Disney in the mix will mostly mean more international distribution. It's not like all of the sudden it will lose the artistic merit inherent in the work.

Anonymous Axe Head October 31, 2012 1:35 PM  

One fear I've seen is that Disney will clamp down on fan work, because Disney is COPYRIGHT DEATH STAR.

Anonymous kh123 October 31, 2012 1:39 PM  

"R2D2 will be turned into a karaoke machine.... "

Would've figured the BJ machine that was added to THX1138.

Blogger Survival Gardener, AKA David the Good October 31, 2012 1:41 PM  

"beginning with The Return of the Jedi and those damned Ewoks"

No. The Holiday Special (as previously alluded to) definitely began the descent.

I think that was a glimpse of the real Lucas.

Anonymous WaterBoy October 31, 2012 2:03 PM  

Loki of Asgard: "If you insist on tormenting yourselves, I see no reason not to bolster your efforts."

And you are so predictable.

Chaos? Feh, you're right on schedule.

Anonymous Sheila October 31, 2012 2:07 PM  

There are parents at my son's former Christian school who were appalled that I let my boys read the Harry Potter books (after I read them first and we discussed some of their limitations) yet take their children to see any new Disney movie. Walt Disney was, individually, a very clever individual, but his company died years ago.

I was never that taken by Star Wars. My older boy shared my disinterest; the younger loved the series, but even now is moving on.

Anonymous Axe Head October 31, 2012 2:07 PM  

George Lucas did not have significant involvement with the Star Wars Holiday Special. And it still stank.

Anonymous bw October 31, 2012 2:08 PM  

2011 Revenue: $40.1 billion

Company Overview: The Walt Disney Company owns the ABC television network; cable networks including ESPN, the Disney Channel, SOAPnet, A&E and Lifetime; 277 radio stations, music- and book-publishing companies; film-production companies Touchstone, Miramax and Walt Disney Pictures; Pixar Animation Studios; the cellular service Disney Mobile; and theme parks around the world.

TV: Eight television stations and the ABC television network; ESPN; Disney Channels Worldwide; ABC Family; SOAPnet Networks; A&E (42 percent stake); Lifetime Television (42 percent stake); the History Channel (42 percent stake); Lifetime Movie Network (42 percent stake); the Biography Channel (42 percent stake); History International (42 percent stake); Lifetime Real Women (42 percent stake); Live Well Network (42 percent stake)

Radio: ESPN Radio Network; Radio Disney

Print: ESPN The Magazine; Disney Publishing Worldwide; Juvenile Publishing; Digital Publishing; Disney Music Publishing; Marvel Publishing

Entertainment: Marvel Entertainment; ABC Studios; ABC Media Production; Pixar; Walt Disney Pictures; Walt Disney Records; Hollywood Records; Mammoth Records; Buena Vista Records; Lyric Street Records

Other: Buena Vista Concerts; Disney Mobile; Disney Theatrical Productions; the Disney Store; Disney theme parks and water parks; Disney English; Disney Interactive Media Group; Disney Games; Playdom, Inc.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 2:11 PM  

Chaos? Feh, you're right on schedule.

Why do the work myself if you fools will do it for me?

Blogger Beefy Levinson October 31, 2012 2:28 PM  

I've heard that Disney is already planning on making more changes to the original trilogy. The last scene in ROTJ will now feature the spirits of Hayden, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Gui-Gon, Mace Windu, Walt Disney, Jim Henson, Marvin Acme, Bill and Ted, the Crocodile Hunter, Tupac, Princess Diana, the Big Bopper, Gerald Ford...

Anonymous Otherwise Silent Observer October 31, 2012 2:29 PM  

Makes me think of when George Lucas tried to build a movie studio in Marin County. They told him to go jump in a lake, so as a parting shot George tried to sell his land to a company that builds low income housing. Naturally, the uber-liberal residents of Marin County were mortified at the thought of having actual living breathing non-whites come to live with them as something other than servants or nannies. Not sure how the whole thing has panned out.

http://reason.com/blog/2012/05/22/land-use-wars-george-lucas-strikes-back
http://www.americanthinker.com/2012/05/marin_county_garden_of_delusion.html

Anonymous Rantor October 31, 2012 2:49 PM  

Having created such a rich environment with as many movie possibilities as James Bond, if Lucas wasn't so frikkin lazy, we'd have 15 or more Star Wars films by now.

For whatever reason, he's held back, money isn't an issue to him (obviously) but he also has no great artistic streak pushing him to produce. That always bothered me about him. Should've been one film a year for three years, then three years off to retool then three more. Etc. Six movies in 35 years? Lazy.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 October 31, 2012 3:02 PM  

It was Life Day, the day on Kashyyyk when pervy old Wookiees get their jollies watching vids of sexy Earth females.

My mistake. Not as big a nerd as I thought I was.

Anonymous JartStar October 31, 2012 3:08 PM  

Six movies in 35 years? Lazy.

He isn't the artist genius we all thought he was before the prequels.

Actually, one of the reasons is his divorce. Apparently his ex-wife took him to the cleaners which delayed things for a decade at least as he smartly wanted to own everything and not get venture cap. That's why the Special Edition SW was released--to generate funds for the prequels. It also explains his bizarre "love scenes" in the prequels as he is a super gamma with omega tendencies.

I recommend Star Wars reviews as an excellent summary of why the prequels were so awful.

(BTW, no target="_blank") Blogger? Really?

Anonymous asdf October 31, 2012 3:08 PM  

The Thrawn trilogy was good.

Anonymous Sojourner October 31, 2012 3:12 PM  

[quote]DrTorch October 31, 2012 10:11 AM

Still, I haven't seen Disney ruin Marvel films yet. [/quote]

Thought this was pertinent to reiterate.

Anonymous Zod! October 31, 2012 3:24 PM  

How fascinating, that you feel you require lackeys to stand in your stead should you falter. Is this a modicum of uncertainty I detect? Is this the boast of a one-being army?

I require nothing. They have shown loyalty to Zod and have been rewarded for it. Such is the fate of all those who kneel before me willingly. In fact, if you do so, I will give you a country to rule. It can't be Australia, as I have promised that to another minion, but we could work something out.

Oh, yes, you are pathetic. You are a dying Internet meme that is only invoked in response to someone else's clever jape. You are desperate for the slightest acknowledgment, because you know yourself to be the mere shadow of a past glory, one that none take seriously for its being overused and invoked by pockmarked adolescents merely for "the lolz".

I would expect such fear and desperate mocking from those who suddently face a superior power and have their egos threatened. It is of no matter. Petty insults and trembling rages bounce of Zod's skin as easily as bullets, missles, and given whatever continuity I happen to be in, even the power beams of Kal-el himself. Seriously, power beams?

Crawl back into the dusty corner of the popular culture where you huddle, driveling, waiting for someone to call you forth so that you may make play at being entertaining, much less relevant. You are the childish fears of an unsophisticated past, forgotten even as an adult forgets the Boogeyman. Go and weep over your lost empire. I have larger concerns.

Larger concerns such as picking up the pieces of your defeated army? Trying to rid yourself of your pathetic envy of your better looking and powerful brother? Maybe trying to win daddy's love despite hating yourself for it? Or maybe starting out life in your modern sense in a comic book?

Or maybe you're still stinging from having a brute beast slam you around like a child's toy and leaving you lying on the floor like so much rubbish. A brute beast that Zod would have simply carried into orbit at super speed, to leave him impotently floating in space until he died. It would have taken me but a moment. But then, I am Zod, and you are not.

Zod 2012. A real man, not a wannabe god with daddy issues. Not like you have any choice, though.

Anonymous Stickwick October 31, 2012 3:24 PM  

I recommend Star Wars reviews as an excellent summary of why the prequels were so awful.

Yeah, I mentioned those a few comments above. The great thing about these reviews is that they not only explain what's wrong with the prequels, but what's right about the original trilogy.

Half the time, Plinkett's videos seem to be inoperable on his website, but they've been copied ad infinitum on YouTube. You can watch his review for Episode 1 in its entirety here. (Again, NSFW.)

Anonymous JCclimber October 31, 2012 3:38 PM  

Just take a look at what Disney has done so far with the Narnia material.

Focus on CGI. Focus on the cutesy and scary animals. Focus on the empowered grrrllls.

Totally miss the importance of character development and the morality issues at play.

Turn ASLAN into a Deux a machina rather than the unifying force behind every character's story arc.

Watch as they flounder and scratch their heads trying to figure out why more Christian family movie fans aren't booking entire movie theaters anymore for the sequels.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 3:41 PM  

Zod, I must concede your point. You are surely vastly superior to me.

In fact, I am so impressed with your unassailable might that I would like to prove it to all of these witnesses. For instance, this glowing green rock I found the other day and fashioned into a throwing knife. Isn't it lovely? How lightweight and shining it is! I believe they call it "green kryptonite".

Here, catch.

...

Loki 2012. I do what I want, and so will you.

Anonymous D.A. October 31, 2012 3:42 PM  

It also explains his bizarre "love scenes" in the prequels as he is a super gamma with omega tendencies.

Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions.

Anonymous Stickwick October 31, 2012 4:02 PM  

The memes are already starting. Heh.

Anonymous Silver Surfer October 31, 2012 4:02 PM  

Galactus is amused.

Anonymous Anonymous October 31, 2012 4:07 PM  

The really important question here is if this finally means we'll get another Howard the Duck movie!

Anonymous Zod! October 31, 2012 4:17 PM  

Nice, Loki, but I see your intellect didn't quite plan for me to be such a lousy catcher. I must applaud the attempt, however. It pains me to say it, but I'm pretty easily bored and have found our jousting mildly entertaining. Once I rule the world I think I will keep you around to prevent me from falling into listlessness and ennui. I've been there before and only Superman's intervention helped relieve the tedium. If you dare challenge me, however, I would advise you don't actually broadcast your intentions. A little surprise is nice sometimes. You can even bring along Thanos if you wish.

Zod 2012: A real leader. A real winner. A real bad catcher.

Anonymous Edjamacator October 31, 2012 4:24 PM  

How many have seen the Holiday Special? Recently? I watched it a couple of years ago just to see if it was as bad as I remember, and yeah, it was. Worse, even, as I was a kid when I saw it the first time. I'm surprised ESB was able to get made after that travesty.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 4:27 PM  

I am surprised you managed to say so much with that knife sticking through your skull, Zod. Let me know when the writers at DC restore you from yet another grave; I shall enjoy killing you again.

Loki 2012. I said kneel.

Blogger Bob October 31, 2012 4:29 PM  

Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions.

I looked, I drew my own conclusions.

They are not mentionable.

Anonymous Zod! October 31, 2012 4:33 PM  

Kill me, Loki? I wonder what continuity you're currently in. You can't handle a man with a bow and a girl with a gun, but believe you can take on the one who fought hand to hand with the Man of Steel? And apparently will again in the next movie? Oh no, my Asgardian friend, you will kneel or perish. Tell Daddy I said "hi."

Zod 2012. You'd rather kneel before Obama?

Anonymous Anonymous October 31, 2012 4:37 PM  

"They are not mentionable."

Since when did Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby become something bad?

- Molasses Jones

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 4:43 PM  

Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions.

Proof that there are, in fact, bilgesnipe on Midgard.

Anonymous Thanos October 31, 2012 4:59 PM  

Loki and Zod. You will have to defeat me first and no ne represent the Unmitigated Evil ticket better

Anonymous Edjamacator October 31, 2012 5:00 PM  

Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions.

I wonder what she looks like in the Ewok costume he no doubt makes her wear.

Anonymous Zod! Before Whom You Shall Kneel! October 31, 2012 5:02 PM  

Loki and Zod. You will have to defeat me first and no ne represent the Unmitigated Evil ticket better

Wrong. The Democrats are running Obama again.

Or do you mean another Unmitigated Evil ticket?

Anonymous Noah B. October 31, 2012 5:03 PM  

"Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions."

I wonder if he ever opens his eyes. Time for a new prescription, dude.

Anonymous Axe Head October 31, 2012 5:03 PM  

Here's a picture of George Lucas' current wife. Draw your own conclusions.

I looked, I drew my own conclusions.

They are not mentionable.


I can't find the male version of mudshard or coal burner.

Anonymous Axe Head October 31, 2012 5:04 PM  

I wonder if he ever opens his eyes. Time for a new prescription, dude.

At least we know he has courage, but it's probably born of desperation.

Anonymous Loki of Asgard October 31, 2012 5:06 PM  

Loki and Zod. You will have to defeat me first and no ne represent the Unmitigated Evil ticket better

I'm sorry, wasn't that your army that failed me?

And who said I was evil? I'm only having a bit of fun.

Anonymous Silver Surfer October 31, 2012 5:25 PM  

Galactus is still amused. In fact, he's heading your way to get a closer look.

Blogger WATYF October 31, 2012 5:36 PM  

Whereas Episode III was merely a mitigated disaster?

Yes. There were a few salvageable elements to it, such as the end.

I couldn't even sit thru Episode III. I at least watched the others.

Well, I guess it's "too each his own". Ep III was (by far) the least painful of the prequels for me.

WATYF

Blogger carnaby October 31, 2012 5:53 PM  

ANDY? I don't get it.

Anonymous Stickwick October 31, 2012 6:40 PM  

@ carnaby: You've never seen Toy Story?

Anonymous carnaby October 31, 2012 6:44 PM  

Oh, that Andy. Thpppt.

Anonymous Just Mark October 31, 2012 7:04 PM  

Hey,

We can go from Clone Wars to Clone Weddings. The ultimate in politically correct narcissim!

Anonymous Kyle In Japan October 31, 2012 7:31 PM  

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. Even though I didn't think the Avengers was nearly as big a deal as everyone made it out to be, Disney did well with it. Maybe the next Star Wars will be decent, too - no way to know for sure until there's more info about who, exactly, will be involved.

The smart thing to do would be to set the new movies hundreds (or maybe even more) years after Return of the Jedi, so that it won't mess up continuity with all the established Expanded Universe stuff. Then they'd be free to do pretty much whatever they wanted in a new-ish setting.

Trying to make a trilogy based on the EU stuff would be a disaster because there's just way too much stuff between all the books, comics, and games, and it's of highly variable quality (Zahn's books are great, while those superweapon-of-the-week Dark Empire comics suck.) Fans would bitch and whine about the adaptation, and get set up for disappointment all over again. On the other hand, ignoring all the established continuity would REALLY piss off fans. Setting it in the distant future is the only reasonable thing to do.

The prequels aren't great movies, but nobody would still be hurting from them years later if the Star Wars name wasn't attached. The reason they made people so mad was that they were a disappointment. And disappointment is an extremely powerful, though perhaps seldom recognized, force in the world. And at the same time, I think people's nostalgia-goggles result in them rationalizing how "hardcore" the first two movies were and bitching about Ewoks when Star Wars was always a fairly family-friendly series. Jedi's got plenty of great scenes, people give it too much flak.

Anonymous Elmer Fudge (friend of Sexual Chocolate) October 31, 2012 8:42 PM  

I think they should remake Marvin the Martian substituting Bugs Bunny with Barney the Dinosaur. What do you think?

I think Disney should also remake The Forbidden Planet. Of course, Morbius will be a female, who comes to the wrong decision and is bent on destroying the entire planet, herself included, before anyone can escape. She lets out a blood curdling scream, saying "It's not fair!" just before hitting the button, that has no time delay.

Naturally, Altaira is a gay boy named Altoro who gets Adams (also gay) hot while swimming naked. Robby the Robot instead of making whiskey, makes cupcakes (with pink frosting) for ........ (you guessed it) the gay chef. And, (why not) ..... keep Altaira, and Adams is female, lacking any wisdom to control Morbius, because she is too busy having lesbian fantasies with her daughter (which she approves of). Robby at some point, becomes confused, switching to a scene of his/its quarters with Britney Spears posters plastered all over the walls, and then just explodes after an accelerated scene collage of said wall-art. The entire film would be about five minutes (give or take a few seconds).

What a cruel world we live in now. It is truly just "a mass of evil people."

Anonymous Sexual Chocolate (friend of Elmer) October 31, 2012 9:05 PM  

People wonder how Disney became so gay (homosexual). Not as much as becoming as it was destined to be so. More and more evidence is coming forth that Walt Disney was of the highest orders of ancient freemasonry. Some believe he was actually part of the Memphis rite.

This does not shock me, and follows established universal norms. The guys at these highest orders are simply sexual perverts of the highest order. Disney was spooning out pantheism long before Lucas picked up his first camera...

Anonymous Overlord Lebowski October 31, 2012 10:29 PM  

Look; if movies are going to just, ah, make sh*t up, they might as well tie all the loose ends together with... what's the term... uh, a story device, you know. A f*cking McGuffin, man. Like, a rug. Preferably,... uh,... what was that word he used, ...unmicturated... upon.

Anonymous bw October 31, 2012 11:35 PM  

long before Lucas picked up his first camera... - SexChoc

...and interestingly enough, one of Lucas' first gigs was helping film the '69 Rolling Stones tour, and was there filming the night the kid was killed by the Hell's Angels at Altamont.
It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

And as I watched him on the stage
my hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell


Don McLean American Pie


Anonymous Steve Canyon November 01, 2012 12:15 AM  

I'm kind of hoping that when the inevitable re-edit of the original trilogy comes, they add in Maximillian, B.O.B., and V.I.N.C.E.N.T to the inventory of the droid selling Jawas.

I'd also want to see Donald Duck yell "It's a TWAP!" too.

Anonymous Gelf Sara November 01, 2012 1:42 AM  

You know, Vox, GL is _also_ an INTJ.

(((Shudder)))

Anonymous Bobo November 01, 2012 3:45 AM  

The same can be said of Disney's withholding of Miyazaki's movies from mainstream Western audiences - Porco Rosso, Princess Mononoke, Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, etc. The best source of these has been Region 2 DVD or now region free Japanese Bluray.

Anonymous Kickass November 01, 2012 6:05 AM  

Guess I should start liquidating Dads estate of original NIB star wars toys from the 70s while there is any respect left for Stars Wars.

Anonymous Kickass November 01, 2012 6:10 AM  

It's sad,because Disney used to be a wonderful organization itself.

Vox, have you ever read some Vigilent Citizen? You might want to rethink that sentence.

I knew something waa up as a kid when they killed at least one parent in every movie.

Anonymous Bobo November 01, 2012 7:19 AM  

"I was personally taken aside by the brothers who wrote and directed the second movie with Lucasfilm. They told me that when they sat down with George they had a lot of ideas regarding my character Mace. Then George immediately told them that he was only doing the second Ewok film for his young daughter Amanda at the time. For Amanda, being a young girl around the same age as Aubree, Cindel was her hero. So the movie was to center around her character. The last comment they made was that if she was a teenager then it would have been a Mace movie. The orginal drafts didn't have any of the family involved except Cindel and the Ewoks. It was later decided that we would have to be involved even if we were killed off. The mother starts the movie already dead. The person who played the father in the first Ewok movie declined to work on it because his role was so small. So they hired Paul Gleason of The Breakfast Club-fame, to replace the orginial father, Guy Boyd." - Eric Walker

LucasFan interview with Eric walker -> http://www.lucasfan.com/ewdr/ericwalker.html

Blogger James Dixon November 01, 2012 12:55 PM  

> Galactus is still amused. In fact, he's heading your way to get a closer look.

Sigh. Where's Eternity when you need him?

> Porco Rosso, Princess Mononoke, Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, etc. The best source of these has been Region 2 DVD or now region free Japanese Bluray.

You left out several, like The Cat Returns. Those interested should Google Studio Ghibli. All were readily available at reasonable prices on Ebay the last time I looked. Or probably for free from various alternative distributions sources. I believe Disney did come out with versions of Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle.

Blogger James Dixon November 01, 2012 12:58 PM  

Though to be fair, The Cat Returns wasn't Miyazaki. It was Hiroyuki Morita. I apologize. I tend to lump all the Studio Ghibli works together in my mind.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 01, 2012 6:10 PM  

Kickass: "I knew something waa up as a kid when they killed at least one parent in every movie."

You do realize that the majority of those earlier Disney movies were based on previous stories, some of them folk tales that had been around for centuries, right? It wasn't particularly ol' Walt killing off everyone....

Anonymous kh123 November 01, 2012 7:27 PM  

Since Ghibli was brought up: Where can one find Ghiblizu (Ghiblies), a series of short experimental animations they did several years ago. Have seen it once as a bootleg bundled with The Cat Returns.

Anonymous WinstonWebb November 01, 2012 9:37 PM  

I'd love for Disney to hand the Indiana Jones franchise to Justin Theroux and Jon Favreau and say: "Here, help us make our $4 billion back."

Anonymous Anonymous November 02, 2012 4:02 AM  

Speaking of Disney, what does everyone think of the tv show Once Upon A Time?

Blogger The Bechtloff November 02, 2012 11:45 AM  

I actually think now that Lucas is off of it there is a chance it might be good again. Just a chance mind you, whoever is put in charge of it could be just as bad if not worse, but Lucas sure wasnt going to ever do anything worthwile with it again.

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