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Monday, January 21, 2013

McRapey's next book

It seems that in light of our friend at Whatever's newfound interest in book covers, Vidad felt that he should contribute his own offering.  And it's NOT an imitation, a ripoff, or a parody, it's an homage!

I'll admit it.  We have now gone from "modestly amused" to "okay, that's actually kind of funny".  And it leads me to ponder this question: what author or series will be the subject of McRapey's next homage?  Jerry Pournelle?  No, he's alive.  Ursula LeGuin?  No, too risky.  Ray Bradbury?  Too difficult.  Frank Herbert?  Too long.  It's kind of a fun game though; perhaps we should start a pool and whoever wins has to read the book and write a review that I'll post here.  I've got Poul Anderson.

Labels:

141 Comments:

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 1:35 PM  

E.L. James? But maybe he's already been there, done that.

Anonymous Tad January 21, 2013 1:42 PM  

@Vox Day

I rest my case...

Anonymous Daniel January 21, 2013 1:44 PM  

Daniel Keyes is alive, but elderly. I could imagine that a timely tribute book might be waiting in the wings.

So, sort of a fan-fic/deadpool combo bet from me.

Do we have to guess the title? I'll go with Fwowers for Algewnon, the story of a misunderstood liberal on a Pell Grant who, through a science experiment, becomes dumber and more and more athletically gifted until he wins the World Superball Trophy and has sex with a hundred cheerleaders before losing his prowess but regaining his 120 IQ and realizing he is much happier and people like him better if he doesn't play sports.

Anonymous VD January 21, 2013 1:45 PM  

I rest my case...

Excellent. Then you need not repeat it again.

Anonymous Porky? January 21, 2013 1:45 PM  

Who?

Anonymous Thales January 21, 2013 1:45 PM  

That is freakin' hilarious.

Anonymous Noah B. January 21, 2013 1:52 PM  

Richard Adams, obviously.

Anonymous Stickwick January 21, 2013 1:53 PM  

I rest my case...

How long have you been visting VP? Most of the regulars have been around long enough, or have sufficiently perused the archives, to know that Vox dangles someone like Scalzi, or PZ, or Amynda, or whoever, on the line for a while until their buffoonery ceases to amuse him. You're making too much out of this.

Anonymous Tad January 21, 2013 1:53 PM  

Vox Day

I rest my case...

Excellent. Then you need not repeat it again.


What if I come up with another case that needs making?

Anonymous natem January 21, 2013 1:54 PM  

"Vox day"

Damn, Tad took my guess!

Anonymous Stickwick January 21, 2013 1:55 PM  

Do we have to guess the title? I'll go with Fwowers for Algewnon, the story of a misunderstood liberal on a Pell Grant who, through a science experiment, becomes dumber and more and more athletically gifted until he wins the World Superball Trophy and has sex with a hundred cheerleaders before losing his prowess but regaining his 120 IQ and realizing he is much happier and people like him better if he doesn't play sports.

Now, that was funny.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 1:55 PM  

"member of the Dread Ilk"

I wear the badge with pride.

I just wanted to do something special for a man that's brought us all so much laughter and joy.

Squeeeeee!

Anonymous Tad January 21, 2013 1:55 PM  

@Stickwick

How long have you been visting VP? Most of the regulars have been around long enough, or have sufficiently perused the archives, to know that Vox dangles someone like Scalzi, or PZ, or Amynda, or whoever, on the line for a while until their buffoonery ceases to amuse him. You're making too much out of this.

Maybe. Or, perhaps you aren't reading quite enough into the obsession.

Anonymous Signe January 21, 2013 1:55 PM  

J.K. Rowling. Watch and see if he doesn't.

Anonymous Josh January 21, 2013 1:56 PM  

The Rabbits of Squee vs the Assbags of the Kingdom RSHD. An epic tale. In space!

Anonymous Signe January 21, 2013 1:57 PM  

Maybe. Or, perhaps you aren't reading quite enough into the obsession.

Didn't we recently have a discussion about how gay guys always read gayness into everything?

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 1:58 PM  

that Vox dangles someone like Scalzi, or PZ, or Amynda, or whoever, on the line for a while until their buffoonery ceases to amuse him.

Or until they move to Nevada and become a prostitute.

Anonymous Signe January 21, 2013 1:58 PM  

"Harriet Pewter and the Rabbits of Squee!" It's a guaranteed bestseller!

Anonymous NateM January 21, 2013 1:59 PM  

"Another case worth making"

Tad, most of us keep our masturbation to ourselves I suggest you do the same

Anonymous Stickwick January 21, 2013 2:02 PM  

Maybe. Or, perhaps you aren't reading quite enough into the obsession.

You know, you're probably right. I'm changing my position on this. Years ago, when Vox was posting regularly about PZ Myers, it must have been driven by his envy of PZ's position at a minor college and his revered status amongst the obese, loveless Asperger's crowd.

Anonymous Tad January 21, 2013 2:04 PM  

@signe

Didn't we recently have a discussion about how gay guys always read gayness into everything?

Actually, it's gay-curious guys that tend to read gayness into everything.

Anonymous Signe January 21, 2013 2:05 PM  

Actually, it's gay-curious guys that tend to read gayness into everything.

So you're only gay-curious?

Blogger IM2L844 January 21, 2013 2:07 PM  

Tad: "Or, perhaps you aren't reading quite enough into [my] obsession."

Perhaps.

Blogger Conan the Cimmerian, King of Aquilonia January 21, 2013 2:07 PM  

Well since his latest muse in SF/F books for women, then I am going with Stephenie Meyer.

You can't beat up on women's books in the name of bashing away sexism without this being the obvious next choice.

Anonymous Zion's Paladin January 21, 2013 2:08 PM  

You know, you're probably right. I'm changing my position on this. Years ago, when Vox was posting regularly about PZ Myers, it must have been driven by his envy of PZ's position at a minor college and his revered status amongst the obese, loveless Asperger's crowd.

And don't forget when he published TIA. Why that was a collective envy of the successes of Dicky D, Harris, Hitchens and Dennett.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 2:10 PM  

"what author or series will be the subject of McRapey's next homage? "

Richard Adams?

oh.. the irony...

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:12 PM  

My bet: "Aye, Robot."

A Borg/Asimov spin-off in which a trans-human cyborg culture reaches its full potential in perpetually agreeing to being raped by each other forever as penance for the previous sins of mankind.

Anonymous NateM January 21, 2013 2:14 PM  

I still think it'll be a self flagellating attempt at a vox day satire/fanfic "Sitting on the Throne of Bones". Still less gay than his usual furry crap

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:14 PM  

"The Left Hand of Dorkness" by Rapey LeSquick.





Anonymous Unending Improvement January 21, 2013 2:15 PM  

I just realized I had Scalzi on my friend's list. Well it's actually his deactivated account, but I'm glad I found it so I could remove it.

Anonymous Stilicho January 21, 2013 2:18 PM  

An homage by Scalzi is the literary equivalent of non-consensual necrophilia, so someone should warn the estates of any deceased authors he plans to plagiarize.

My money's on Azimov. The Feminist Foundation series is just begging Scalzi to write it...man-jawed lesbians and their hag fag orbiters building a fem-centric civilization on the ashes of the patriarchy, guided by the writings of an Ohio-based man-boob...

Anonymous spectator January 21, 2013 2:18 PM  

A hybrid Sam Raimi/Shel Silverstein homage, making The Giving Tree take all new meaning

Anonymous Cryan Ryan January 21, 2013 2:20 PM  

There once was a fellow named Vox,

Who often thinks outside the box,

Now with a fella named Scalzi,

He's become palsey walsey,

It's classic brer' rabbit - brer' fox.

Anonymous Ras Al Ghul January 21, 2013 2:20 PM  

Andre Norton is my guess. Followed by maybe a babylon 5 homage. But I'm betting Norton.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:24 PM  

The Old Man's War and the Sea.

"He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff on Mars and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. Sometimes he also wanted to be retired though wasn't sure if that would work out, so then he got this offer that was interesting for some land and a new boat maybe elsewhere, he took it."

Anonymous Stilicho January 21, 2013 2:27 PM  

Folks, you are forgetting that, for Scalzi, an homage ("scomage"?) to a female's work would constitute rape and then he'd have to abase himself before the feminazi goddesses of the squee people. Oh wait...

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:28 PM  

"The Feminist Foundation series is just begging Scalzi to write it...man-jawed lesbians and their hag fag orbiters building a fem-centric civilization on the ashes of the patriarchy, guided by the writings of an Ohio-based man-boob..."

"Hari Seldon realized too late that society's sexist regard for male dominance had led to an unsustainable high-tech future where grass could not even be found for hut building..."

I can't wait until they come under attack by "The Eww," a mutant sexist racist homophobic dipsh1t who cannot be named, making that portion of the book really hard to follow.

Anonymous Razoraid January 21, 2013 2:31 PM  

This is a weird story and I can't turn away!

Anonymous Ras Al Ghul January 21, 2013 2:34 PM  

"Folks, you are forgetting that, for Scalzi, an homage ("scomage"?) to a female's work would constitute rape and then he'd have to abase himself before the feminazi goddesses of the squee people. Oh wait..."

It isn't rape if she consents . . .

Anonymous Mrs. Scalzi January 21, 2013 2:35 PM  

If only he could mate like a bunny....

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:37 PM  

"Ringwhirled"

Liz Grizzly WooWoo is bored with her life in the oppressively monogamous world of H'trae. Then she meets her friend Jackrabbit and visits a new world of adventure...

Anonymous kh123 January 21, 2013 2:39 PM  

Right, but where are the cross-hairs.

Anonymous Salt January 21, 2013 2:41 PM  

I'm thinking more of a movie. Scalzi is miniaturized and inserted in some random feminist. Eventually he finds his way to her anus and runs into Amelia Earhart.

Blogger Conan the Cimmerian, King of Aquilonia January 21, 2013 2:41 PM  

spectator January 21, 2013 2:18 PM
A hybrid Sam Raimi/Shel Silverstein homage, making The Giving Tree take all new meaning


That is good.

Anonymous Ras Al Ghul January 21, 2013 2:42 PM  

"whoever wins has to read the book and write a review that I'll post here."

That's losing by winning.

Anonymous Anonymous January 21, 2013 2:45 PM  

http://eamb-ydrohoos.blogspot.gr/2012/02/world-war-iii.html

ΤΗΕ ΕND OF GREECE??

Anonymous jack January 21, 2013 2:46 PM  

OK.
I read here the opinions of the blog [Vox] and the commenters [mostly the Ilk and wanabes] concerning one Scalzi. To be fair I have never, to my knowledge and memory, read anything he wrote. Has he written anything worth reading? Whats his best; his worse; in the knowledgeable opinion of these here?
Thank You
and
God Bless

Anonymous Anonymous January 21, 2013 2:46 PM  

We are talking about a nightmare. A situation that if it “explodes”, its consequences are unknown. Why are we so sure? Because the Greeks almost “lost” their country without even understanding it

http://eamb-ydrohoos.blogspot.gr/2012/02/world-war-iii.html


Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:47 PM  

I just saw this over at Scalzi's:

"Giraffe says: [Deleted for standard level assholishness - JS]"

The Dread Ilk attack1 C'mon, Giraffe - whaddya do to The Rabbit King?


Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 2:53 PM  

I just cut and pasted this:

I must be the insecure and upset one even though it is McRapey who refuses to link to or even identify the RSHD he is nominally addressing. He even requests that his fellow rabbits follow his lead, whereas I am content to simply shine a light on his creepy, crawly gamma antics and don't concern myself with what anyone else does. He deletes or "subverts" the comments of any of those favorable to me who comment on his blog while I both permit and respond to comments by those favorable to him.

They would know what he said about Scalzi is true. Might make them curious. It is strange none of them comment here. They read, then go back and proclaim their agreement to the hivemind. Perhaps they assume VD deletes comments also.

Anonymous Ras Al Ghul January 21, 2013 2:54 PM  

Jack,

I read "Old Man's War" which was one of his first novels. Despite some logic holes, and some silly ideas (like underpriviledge groups getting colonization priority) it was entertaining.

I have never been able to get through anything else he has written.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 2:56 PM  

That's "standard level assholishness?"

I'd hate to see the man in South Florida traffic...

Anonymous Athor Pel January 21, 2013 3:01 PM  

I'd actually like to see him try to write something in a universe created S.M. Sterling.

In particular this novel, called Draka.

It's got a female on male rape scene. The mental gymnastics should be entertaining. Heck, just a review would be funny.

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 3:08 PM  

I need to take my assholishness to the next level.

Anonymous kh123 January 21, 2013 3:10 PM  

" It is strange none of them comment here."

Considering John comes here to read He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named on a regular basis, they'd probably feel the need to don a very heavy cloak, daring to leave a message only while Scalzi's safely asleep, namely between 6am and 4 in the afternoon Wallachian Standard Time.

Blogger rcocean January 21, 2013 3:15 PM  

I'm not into fantasy/Scifi but Vox's take on the "Rabbit People" is truly amusing. I wish conservative would follow Vox and mock leftists instead of constantly giving their cunty name-calling traction by polite responses. You'd think after 50 years of being called racists the Right would come up with better responses then 'No one hates racism more than me" or "Please don't call me names" or "I'm not a racist - like those other conservatives".

Anonymous FP January 21, 2013 3:16 PM  

Oh good lord, the new group cover pose is just...

http://www.jimchines.com/2013/01/group-cover-pose-reveal/

Anonymous Feh January 21, 2013 3:24 PM  

I guess Tad's "point" is that VD's "obsession" with McRapey indicates the petty-minded jealousy of a lesser being.

Ergo, Tad's obsession with VD's obsession indicates that Tad is a truly insignificant creature indeed.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 3:28 PM  

"I need to take my assholishness to the next level."

I hear Nate gives lessons on his blog. Or USED to.

Anonymous MadPiper January 21, 2013 3:29 PM  

FP, That was just EVIL!!! And disgusting.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 3:34 PM  

"I hear Nate gives lessons on his blog. Or USED to."

/facepalm

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 3:51 PM  

BTW, Nate... are you going to be down this way any time soon? I've still got some survival crop cuttings, seeds/etc., for you if you want them.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 3:54 PM  

I'm doin' pretty good for now hoss. We had a couple disasters that require rebuilding a lot of our systems from scratch. Lost all the chickens and even the peafowl.

On the upside... it provided an excuse to kill lots of coyotes. Would that I could shoot the idiot hunter that thought my peahen was a turkey...

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 3:55 PM  

There.



The Bloggerblaster is back. 1 post a day is all I promise. I'm Nate. That's my blog. Dammit.

Anonymous Noah B. January 21, 2013 4:00 PM  

Chicken disasters sort of seem to go with the territory. I lost about 70 animals in one day once, about 35 chickens and about 35 rabbits, all killed by one dog. And he didn't eat a single one.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 4:01 PM  

"We had a couple disasters that require rebuilding a lot of our systems from scratch. Lost all the chickens and even the peafowl."

Sheesh. What a pain. My condolences. We've been hatching chicks in an incubator to get our own flock back up. Darn coon nailed about half of them when we were out of town.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 4:04 PM  

three neighborhood dogs and multiple coyotes have all ended up fed to my catfish... never the less... the process doesn't end.

I find a crossbow and a 2G nightvision rig go a long way.

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 4:04 PM  

I went out this morning and my damn chickens are eating their own eggs. And it still smells like a skunk in there from when I set a trap to catch whatever was stealing them.

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 4:07 PM  

Hey, if any of the newer Ilk are looking for Nate's blog, the link is on Vox's right sidebar under voxologisti.

"Der Hausefrauhrer"

Anonymous Salt January 21, 2013 4:08 PM  

@Vidad

Darn coon nailed about half of them when we were out of town.

Raciss

/s

Anonymous WaterBoy January 21, 2013 4:09 PM  

"Richard Adams"

My Life As El-ahrairah, and my Thousand Blog Enemies

Anonymous WaterBoy January 21, 2013 4:16 PM  

Nate: "There. The Bloggerblaster is back."

Nate is the Quadrantids of the blog-world -- has random flashes of brilliance, but only shows up every January.

Anonymous rycamor January 21, 2013 4:18 PM  

Vidad has been hard at work trying to add a 3rd never-off-topic topic to the blog: survivalist farming. I think he's starting to win.

Blogger rcocean January 21, 2013 4:20 PM  

I like pie.

Blogger rcocean January 21, 2013 4:20 PM  

Especially blue-berry pie.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 4:26 PM  

rycamor: "Vidad has been hard at work trying to add a 3rd never-off-topic topic to the blog: survivalist farming. I think he's starting to win."

If my posts start reading things like "I adore cuddly glittery kittens soooo much," it means Vox has borrowed Scalzi's hammer.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 4:27 PM  

"Nate is the Quadrantids of the blog-world -- has random flashes of brilliance, but only shows up every January."

Not true... I didn't blog at all last year. Not even in January.

Blogger rcocean January 21, 2013 4:33 PM  

Where's Tad? We need you. I apologize Tad, I thought you were bringing down the comments section. But now, I realize you were saving it.

Blogger rcocean January 21, 2013 4:34 PM  

And I like apple pie too.

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 4:37 PM  

The ability to comment might be nice, Nate.

Anonymous Josh January 21, 2013 4:39 PM  

Vidad has been hard at work trying to add a 3rd never-off-topic topic to the blog: survivalist farming. I think he's starting to win.

It sort of dovetails with guns, right?

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 4:46 PM  

@Josh:

Right. I planted the whole yard with kittens two years ago. They're coming up all over and yielding adorably. Perennial kittens are better than the ones that only can be cuddled for one year, most definitely.

Anonymous WaterBoy January 21, 2013 4:47 PM  

Nate: "Not true... I didn't blog at all last year. Not even in January."

Really? I suggest you check your archive, sport.

Josh: "It sort of dovetails with guns, right?"

Absolutely. You need to know what makes a good varmint gun, for one thing.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 4:47 PM  

DAMMIT, Vox! NO!

Blogger Giraffe January 21, 2013 4:47 PM  

Around here, cats are noxious weeds.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 4:58 PM  

Wow... ummm... I can't say I actually know what's wrong with the comments. They are enabled... they just aren't there.

Blogger Nate January 21, 2013 5:02 PM  

Boom. Comments... fixed.

Anonymous Anonymous January 21, 2013 5:30 PM  

I read that someone thinks Scalzi is an arrogant asshat? NO WAY! Why there are hundreds, maybe thousands that look to him for enlightenment and truth everyday!

Blogger LP 999/Eliza January 21, 2013 5:43 PM  

Hilarious! Love it!

Anonymous Daniel January 21, 2013 6:09 PM  

Hey Giraffe! I think Scalzi just gave you a name! Craven Lickspittle!

Anonymous Idle Spectator, Pulitzer Prize Winner January 21, 2013 6:11 PM  

After trouble brewed from lady's attire,
John Scalzi was dressed in the rabbit's mire.
Weak rabbit arms and legs were still more strong,
Then his real life body of flab and thong.

Anonymous Idle Spectator, Pulitzer Prize Winner January 21, 2013 6:15 PM  

I collected the stanzas from previous posts I wrote. We got something good now. Where will McRapey's magical quest take us next?


The Legendary Legend of John Scalzi

The writing John did dribble right quick,
Taking money with soiling squick.

A gleam in his eye of endless squee,
Scalzi raped his readers,
As he screamed soundly with savagery.

Sultry legs of Scalzi smoothly splayed,
Doth not realize that he had been played.
Crossbow forward as a penis he lacked,
Better he fire that, then in the sack.

After trouble brewed from lady's attire,
John Scalzi was dressed in the rabbit's mire.
Weak rabbit arms and legs were still more strong,
Then his real life body of flab and thong.

Anonymous Lodi January 21, 2013 6:32 PM  

Full retard. There it is.

Anonymous Knutson January 21, 2013 6:46 PM  

Ursula LeGuin? No, too risky.

Did you mean Le Guin?

Blogger Bogey January 21, 2013 6:59 PM  

I was thinking maybe Richard Adams of Watership Down fame, but I think that's a little too on the nose.

I'll go Brian Jacques (Redwall). The reasoning here is he he's overdue for a fantasy novel, and the territory seems rife for the raping, or the McRaping.

Blogger ajw308 January 21, 2013 6:59 PM  

What if I come up with another case that needs making?
Another? That implies you've made your first case.

Anonymous rycamor January 21, 2013 7:27 PM  

WaterBoy January 21, 2013 4:47 PM

Nate: "Not true... I didn't blog at all last year. Not even in January."

Really? I suggest you check your archive, sport.

Josh: "It sort of dovetails with guns, right?"

Absolutely. You need to know what makes a good varmint gun, for one thing.


Damn squirrels been eating up my broccoli. I was torn between a .410 or the Bone Collector. Finally decided on the latter since I could use the target practice.

There. Now I've covered both topics.

Anonymous jack January 21, 2013 7:27 PM  

@ Vidad

We raise chickens as well. The flock is 20 laying hens and one rooster, with the rooster on the short list depending on how much noise he makes.
We overbuilt a hen house with two separate runs that have separate access to the same hen house. And, a containment cage within the hen house when new chicks time comes around or rooster Siberia. Nothing can get thru into the hen house. The large run is covered by netting and is pretty safe. There is shock wire around all of it. That said we lost one chicken to a hawk this last year with a close call on another hawk strike just a few days ago. This because we like to let the birds free range during the day. They have a very good life by chicken standards. The dog, part pit bull but very gentle, not only will not eat or kill the chickens but seems to watch out for them. I can't begin to imagine how many predators that dog's howling has ran off. And, she is best friends with the cat. They play and sleep near each other.
A pretty good situation; and, you can't beat the near organic eggs. We get 2 to 4 dozen or more per week and sell some to offset feed costs [which keep climbing]
My chicken story for the day... sorry about being long winded.

Anonymous Cinco January 21, 2013 7:34 PM  

"strange none of me comment here..."

Not really, they are probably just too busy formulating their next posts in order to build up more forum cred with the sole female commenter... Typical of their kind, to afraid to leave their respective lairs.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 7:36 PM  

"The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (Though She's Not Really - She Just Comes Across That Way Because She's A Strong Female Fighting Back Against Years of Terran Patriarchy)"

by John Scalzi

Anonymous re allow anonymous comments January 21, 2013 7:37 PM  

***Not really, they are probably just too busy formulating their next posts in order to build up more forum cred with the sole female commenter... Typical of their kind, to afraid to leave their respective lairs.***

Yeah, that's exactly whats happen here, except you all ar gay.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 7:39 PM  

@jack

I imagine Vox will forgive you, though I'm afraid I'll soon be pushing up kittens if I keep posting off topic.

Feel free to jump in over at the Survival Gardening blog any time you've got ideas or stories to share - floridasurvivalgardening.com. All gardening, all the time. I need more stuff on chickens.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 7:42 PM  

"Yeah, that's exactly whats happen here, except you all ar gay."

Isn't Argay just outside Portland? Are they sycophants?

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 7:45 PM  

WAIT!

How about "The Assbag's Guide to the Galaxy?"

Anonymous Cinco January 21, 2013 7:53 PM  

@re allow anonymous comments

Snap! Hit with a homophobic comeback within minutes of posting. Funny, it still feels the need to post anonymously, even on the Internet...

Anonymous re allow anonymous comments January 21, 2013 7:53 PM  

Yes, Vidad, you ar a sycophant. And gay, probably.

Anonymous re allow anonymous comments January 21, 2013 7:54 PM  

***it still feels the need to post anonymously, even on the Internet...***

As if "cinco" isn't "anonymous". Keep trying.

Anonymous Stickwick January 21, 2013 7:55 PM  

How about "The Assbag's Guide to the Galaxy?"

You're knocking them out of the park, Vidad.

Scalzi's varying his usage of ___bag insults, so maybe the sequel will be The Dickbag at the End of the Universe.

Blogger IM2L844 January 21, 2013 8:12 PM  

Jonathan Livingston Squeegull Saves the Universe written in the style of Janet Asimov.

Anonymous Vidad January 21, 2013 8:29 PM  

"Yes, Vidad, you ar a sycophant"

Like this?

http://tinypic.com/r/i3wgb6/6

Blogger Vidad January 21, 2013 8:30 PM  

"The Rapes of Wrath"

by John Squeebeck

Anonymous Cinco January 21, 2013 8:36 PM  

Heh, Cicno has been my name here for about 7 years or so.... Run along now...

Blogger ApolloKioku January 21, 2013 8:47 PM  

@ rycamor
Damn squirrels been eating up my broccoli. I was torn between a .410 or the Bone Collector. Finally decided on the latter since I could use the target practice.

Break barrel air rifles are rarely accurate enough to reliably headshot a rodent more than 20 yards out. (Every few shots is a flier.) I'm curious what you think of the weapon's quality, and what you're getting for accuracy.

Anonymous rycamor January 21, 2013 9:05 PM  

@ApolloKioku

Well, obviously it's no .22, although it almost feels like one. This thing fires .17 pellets at 1300 FPS. Really, it's amazing how much power the engineers were able to harvest out of a single break-barrel pumping action.

I'm still dialing in the scope and testing the accuracy, but it's looking pretty good. I doubt it will be useful beyond 30-40 yards, but that should be good enough for me.

Anonymous Noah B. January 21, 2013 9:05 PM  

"Damn squirrels been eating up my broccoli."

Live traps are also helpful. (I like Havahart.)That way you can always let the animal go unharmed if it's something you don't want to dispatch. I recommend the two-door traps for smaller animals. Peanut butter or any kind of nuts works great as squirrel bait. Happy Hunting!

Anonymous Cinco January 21, 2013 9:12 PM  

Good for you cinco.

Blogger Vidad January 21, 2013 9:15 PM  

"Something Dickless This Way Comes"

Anonymous zen0 January 21, 2013 9:16 PM  

@ Noah B.

Live traps are also helpful.

What do you do with them after you catch them? Let them go at the neighbors place?

The use of live traps can be an abrogation of responsibility.

Anonymous Noah B. January 21, 2013 9:17 PM  

I shoot the squirrels. If I happen to catch a bird, I turn it loose.

Anonymous rycamor January 21, 2013 9:20 PM  

My son and the neighbor boys love to eat squirrel, so I'm not going to deny them any good protein.

Anonymous zen0 January 21, 2013 9:33 PM  

Rats were getting into the greenhouse, so I put out poison and traps because the traps work better when they are stupid on poison.

So I go in one morning and the rat trap has a rat head in it but no body. It creeped me out at first. I have to assume his buddies ate his body or dragged it away.

Either solution I find very unseemly, but of course, they are rats, and have a different perspective on things.

Blogger Vidad January 21, 2013 9:36 PM  

"So I go in one morning and the rat trap has a rat head in it but no body."

Mafia.

Blogger LP 999/Eliza January 21, 2013 9:36 PM  

Ohlala!! If ScaMcR is handing out female nicknames, I shall request 'puckerup buttercup'.

I know, its stupid but this is such a fun thread!

Anonymous rycamor January 21, 2013 9:38 PM  

Heh... yeah I got some of those heavy-duty rat traps, and then realized I had more of a mouse problem than a rat problem--started finding decapitated mouse bodies in the morning.

One good way of catching rats is to leave something yummy in a 5-gallon bucket of water--drowned rat in the morning.

Anonymous zen0 January 21, 2013 10:04 PM  

I had more of a mouse problem than a rat problem-

Yes, well this was a rat. Besides, you should be able to tell ahead of time by the size of the shit pellets.

Plus, there was just a head, no body. Just sayin'.

Anonymous The other skeptic January 21, 2013 10:52 PM  


"Something Dickless This Way Comes"


Wins the thread!

Anonymous Unending Improvement January 22, 2013 12:03 AM  

Vidad, you are having more fun than anyone should ever deserve to have with this.

Anonymous The other skeptic January 22, 2013 12:06 AM  

Boomers might face death panels

And I imagine that all those vibrant Hispanics in CA would rather that aging boomers just die. I am sure they do not want to pay for their medical care.

Anonymous Toby Temple January 22, 2013 1:42 AM  

Now that is better. His face and a body of a bunny.

Anonymous VryeDenker January 22, 2013 1:57 AM  

I'll put $20 on Eric Von Lustbader.

Anonymous cheddarman January 22, 2013 9:32 AM  

My money is on Ser Borgulus the Bunny Slayer

sincerely


cheddarman

Anonymous jaciii January 22, 2013 1:00 PM  

Richard K. Morgan. So he prove how not homophobic he is.

Anonymous Anonymous January 22, 2013 1:47 PM  

Scalzi loves this stuff. In what other way can a terrible writer like him acquire and maintain an audience.

Anonymous Daniel January 22, 2013 4:44 PM  

Scalzi isn't terrible. Old Man's War was good, and, basically before his life fantasy came true (awkward geek child of single mother elected president with racial bonus), he could write columns and critiques of substance. He's seriously lost his fastball as a public member of the Joy Division, and, yes, his books are total knock-offs. Fuzzy Nation was heartless.

But he's not a terrible writer. I think it is more a question of too little assbag squicked over too much squee, not, as you suggest, a lack of writing skill.

Anonymous VD January 22, 2013 7:30 PM  

Scalzi isn't terrible.

I concur. He's merely mediocre and unusually derivative. The combination is an unfortunate one. He appears to be like many authors who are successful the first time out. They don't tend to improve much, if at all. Success can be harder to surmount than failure.

Anonymous tiredofitall January 22, 2013 8:31 PM  

"Something Dickless This Way Comes" - Vidad

What can I say you're a muse when it comes to stuff like this.

Anonymous Anonymous January 23, 2013 8:59 AM  

Surprised people will not call a spade a spade-- or are unable to see a spade for what it is. Scalzi is the Jackie Collins of Science Fiction. Terrible writer. Has no idea how to handle dialogue-- often putting his tags at the ends of long block speeches, every character sounds alike, etc. All his characters, male and female, young and old, are of a kind, basically himself or himself in drag. (He even named the protag in OMW "John".)Sentence structure is poor to even poorer, and he has all the literary style of a monkey thowing poop at a typewriter. Narrative arc is weak, often episodic, and the science is dull and warmed over. Has no clue how to layer exposition. His humor is flat, merely one smirk after another, and his political ideas are straight out of the latest HuffPo article. And yes, derivative in the extreme-- and lately not even derivative of good stuff, like Heinlein, but of shlock, like Star Trek. What's to like about the guy's writing? He's terrible. All of it. He survives as a writer by his blog followers, social networking in the SF community, and by saying just enough controversial things to keep eyes on his stream of literary dung. To that end, Scalzi should send you a check, Vox, and everyone who bothers to give this eighth-rater the time of day.

Anonymous Ten41 January 23, 2013 10:05 AM  

I really had to work on this one. So, I am going with Piers Anthony.

After all we need another Xanth novel, and P.A. doesn't pump them out fast enough.

Blogger tz January 23, 2013 9:24 PM  

Scalzi is terribly mediocre.

Interesting that Narnia did not feature rabbits. Closest was Reepecheep. Yet if rabbits were sensible, they would sue for libel or slander as appropriate.

The cartoon is only off in that the rabbit portion needs to have his legs spread and wearing the blond wig and whatever.

It is not that the original image does not bring forth desire, only that the desire is both uncharitable and would likely result in moderate if not serious injury to Scalzi, without redemptive value. Or at least, [redacted] would certainly result in repentance if only not to repeat the excruciating pain and humiliation.

Blogger Vidad January 23, 2013 11:26 PM  

@tiredofitall

Heh heh.

Anonymous Anonymous February 03, 2013 5:25 AM  

what kind of bored, sad, stupid prick are you?

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