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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Mailvox: "McRapey and me"

EGA writes to describe how l'affaire McRapey has caused him to rethink his opinion of the theory of Game, particularly as it concerns the socio-sexual hierarchy:
I have read your blog for some time. Your posts at Black Gate during the fluffle started by Leo Grin's descriptive essay on the "bankrupt nihilism" of the current wave of epic fantasy were my start. You made me laugh and cringe while arguing with R. Scott Bakker, and I enjoyed your posts on economics, about which I admittedly know very little and found many of your posts challenging, yet enlightening.

I read your blog mostly for the economics posts, and enjoy much of what you write on other subjects. I never exactly agreed with your writing on a few subjects. I am very skeptical about much of what is written about "game," about human biodiversity and a few other subjects. In fact, I didn't think that your breakdown of the sexual market place hierarchies synced, at all, with my own experiences or observations. And while I do enjoy some of what is written in the manosphere, Heartiste and others set me on edge.

So when the posts on John Scalzi started, I cringed worse than I ever did when you had a similar argument with Mr. Bakker. And I wanted for Scalzi to win, at least in some fashion. I was the one who commented on his blog, trying to point out how much he was only proving you correct. Every chance he gets, he manages to do almost as you (and I) might predict, almost as if he were following a script. You know because of your experience and observation. I know how to predict him because, honestly, I am him.

I didn't want him to lose that fight because I didn't want to believe that what you wrote about the "gamma male" was true, which is perhaps indicative of how weak my intellectual opposition to the idea was in the first place. You wrote that it is a good thing to lose well. I don't know how to do that. I am that guy and I hate myself for it. You wrote that it is a good thing to use knowledge you share to improve your lot, but I don't even know how to start with that. Few things I have ever read have ever scared me or caused me to question what I'm doing with myself, but I am lost here. Hence, I'm writing to you, asking for any advice on what to do with myself now that I'm ready to admit that I've been looking at the whole subject of male-female relations, intellectual argument and epistemic pursuit hopelessly backwards.

P.S. I recall that in my exchanges with Scalzi, I claimed that you were enjoying an echo chamber of sycophants. This was unfair and untrue. I apologize for that.
His apology is accepted, of course.  Unlike the rabbit warrens, VP has never been an echo chamber and even the Dread Ilk cannot be reasonably described as "followers", much less "sycophants".  And EGA's ability to admit that he was wrong is the first step forward in the journey upon which he is about to engage, in consciously developing his self-respect and improving his status as a social creature in a social hierarchy.

How does one learn to lose well?  One puts oneself in competitive situations where one is going to lose, regularly and frequently, until the sting of defeat disappears and the fear of failure is gone.  That is the point at which progress towards becoming a true competitor begins.  It is also why non-athletes are disproportionately represented among the gamma population; few athletes reach 10 years of age without experiencing a considerable amount of defeat.  I may have been a NCAA D1 sprinter who played for a #1 ranked soccer team in high school, but I was also a member of a church basketball team that lost its first game by 47 points.  (Note: if you're a white kid without a jump shot who is going to play in a church basketball league, a Lutheran league is your best bet.  Baptist leagues, not so much.)

I've written before about my favorite kids team.  I was their coach for all three years they were in the scuola calcio, from 6-8.  The first year, we had one 7 year old and we were winless, losing most of our games by double digits.  It was brutal, but by the end of the season, there were no more tears and losing didn't faze them.  The second year, they started to become competitive, winning games here and there, although they were still beaten badly by the two big teams attached to the professional clubs.  But the third year, they went undefeated, and I have never seen a more fearless and ruthlessly competitive team play any sport at any level.  It was like watching a squad of sharks dispassionately ripping apart everything that crossed their path.  It was one long glorious bloodbath.

Before the first game, some of the parents complained that I was only bringing the 8 year olds and the best seven year olds to the tournament.  So, I brought everyone and started all the little kids.  We were down 3-0 within three minutes, two of the little ones had been hurt and had to come out of the game, (they weren't hurt badly, they'd just been hit by the ball), and my playmaker cried out, in genuine anguish, "what are you doing?"

"I'm making a point," I said, loudly enough for the problematic parents to hear.  Their ringleader promptly stepped forward and explained that the point had been taken, so I signaled the ref and mass substituted the entire team.  The boys cheered as they ran onto the field, visibly alarming the other team, and went after them with all the gleeful fury of weasels in a hen house.  We won that game by four goals. 

In the championship game of the big tournament, it was tied 1-1 at halftime.  I knew we would win, and even told a Brazilian acquaintance whose son played for the other team as much, because my kids knew how to lose and didn't fear it, while some of their opponents had quite literally never lost a game in their lives.  I knew that if the other team scored next, my kids would try all the harder, whereas if we scored, they would quit.  Sure enough, we scored the next goal, every head on the other side went down, fingers started pointing, and their voices started sounding accusatory and panic-stricken.  We ended up winning 5-1, beating the very same team that had beaten us 14-0 two years before.  More importantly, we had beaten a club that had beaten ours for literally generations.

One defender's father was openly in tears at the end of the game.  I asked him what was wrong and he shook his head and smiled.  He said: "They always beat my grandfather.  They always beat me.  But my son, he has defeated them!"

The best thing was that the competitive culture the kids created was, for a short time, passed down to the younger kids.  We went undefeated the next year too; four of my boys ended up being recruited by the top pro program, which was three more than in the previous 20 years.  And their pride in having been a part of that team was such that when the big club played against our club in subsequent years, they refused to take the field.  In one star striker's case, he even put on his old training jacket over his uniform and sat on our bench for the entire game.

They weren't any better than the kids from the best programs, in fact, they were mostly smaller, slower, and less skilled.  Two of our three biggest players were rejects who didn't make either of the elite teams.  But they were fearless, so perfectly fearless, that it was a joy to watch them and a privilege to coach them.  I quit coaching a few years later when I found I couldn't replicate their success to the same extent.  I definitely played a role in their success, but I now believe it was mostly the result of the tempering they had received during that season of unending defeat.  Looking back, I realize that my three most valuable players were, ironically enough, the least talented; the miniscule defensive rock who couldn't kick the ball ten yards, but reliably brought down attackers twice his height, the single-minded lupolino who couldn't do anything with the ball but put it in the back of the net, and the emotional leader of the team, who had two left feet and berated his own failures more ferociously than anyone else's.

They were magnificent.  I've had my share of victories in athletics, as an individual and as part of a team, in a variety of sports, but I couldn't forget those kids if I tried.  If you ask me what is a champion, I think first of them.

Just as the seeds of future failure are often sown in success that comes too easily due to good fortune, the seeds of future success are planted in our failures.  Don't be afraid of them.  Admit failure and attempt to understand it, so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.  Even when you can't reasonably expect to succeed, you can try to fail for a different reason.

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164 Comments:

Blogger Bogey February 13, 2013 4:55 AM  

No one expects EGA to become an Alpha Male, I’m certainly not one, but the information really is useful to prevent future behavior that is damaging.

EGA confides in Vox because he knows there is a Christian behind the cruelty artist, still a bit Scalzied, still a bit Gamma, but embraced into the den, so to speak. Try that over at the warren, still a bit alpha, still a bit RHDS, and see how willing they’re going to accept you.


Scalzi's hiatus has been hilarious. It’s painfully obvious why he is taking those 10 days off from the internet “because I want to!” (another reason I stopped following his blog, those irritating “I have a life, now leave me alone” posts). I can see a child going home with football in hand, “no fair”. We know it’s a forfeit. So what do you do now? Run him down and take his football away?

Anonymous Oso February 13, 2013 5:03 AM  

Nothing to add to Vox's post, but some advice I'll share with EGA, as I'm more or less in the same boat as him - read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. The title can mislead people, but it's actually a great book for any guy that senses weakness in himself and genuinely wants to improve.

Anonymous Toby Temple February 13, 2013 5:08 AM  

If I can add anything useful, then it is this - START SMALL.

It takes guts to start big and it takes more guts to stand up again after a terrible fall.

Do yourself a favor and start small.

Anonymous Kyle In Japan February 13, 2013 5:16 AM  

You can only admit failure when you realize that your value as a person is not predicated on whether you win or lose (which is hard to do because society tells you the exact opposite.) For secular folk, I suppose they have to find their own way; but as a Christian, I try to put it in perspective and remember that compared to the overwhelming significance of being in Christ, it doesn't really matter if I lose a game to somebody else. When I play basketball with my students or sports with friends at church, losing doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Still, the only time when I really have fun with sports is when we just shoot some hoops or kick the ball around. Then I can relax and have fun.

Probably everybody wants to compete on some level; I'm inclined toward the more abstract variety (my selvage jeans are cooler than your fake faded Old Navy jeans; I have a more unique voice on the electric guitar; I'm a better writer, blah blah blah.)

But when it comes to internet debate (which I mostly avoid, since it's time I could be using to do something fun, like play Dragon Quest) I'm undecided: is it really more courageous to admit your defeat, or stubbornly stick to your convictions? For me, the former is much easier, but I'm not sure if that's because I'm less dogmatic and more willing to learn, or just lazy. Perhaps both.

Anonymous VD February 13, 2013 5:18 AM  

Scalzi's hiatus has been hilarious. It’s painfully obvious why he is taking those 10 days off from the internet “because I want to!”

Perhaps. Or perhaps this is just the 1940 Phony War interlude. Note that his campaign continues, so obviously nothing has ended.

So what do you do now? Run him down and take his football away?

What do you think? Is my behavior not entirely predictable?

Blogger Markku February 13, 2013 5:36 AM  

When I was low gamma/high omega in high school, my fear of failure (even in EXTREMELY insignificant things) stemmed from the feeling that I'm so low on social credit that this one failure will be the one that will socially bankrupt me.

Later, when I started feeling that I have accumulated some social credit, I was no longer afraid of a single failure and consequently didn't usually failed because my mental resources were dedicated to getting the thing done instead of worrying about what will happen when I fail.

Anonymous Rantor February 13, 2013 5:53 AM  

As an officer I would often advise my men to admit their failure, embrace it, and then move on. I found it was the guys who refused to admit failure who were prone to repeating the same mistakes. Probably because they refused to identify them as mistakes, blaming others or fate for their errors.

In the current generation, many find the word failure offensive. Still today, if something within my control goes wrong I admit failure vocally and then fix it. Whether losing a game, or a business competition you can only learn from your errors if you admit they exist.

Anonymous Peter Garstig February 13, 2013 5:59 AM  

If you rarely fail, set your bar higher. Set yourself up for failure on a regular basis, at least until you know how it feels like and how to be nonplussed about it.

This is not easy when you are used to achieve things without much effort all your life.

Anonymous Desiderius February 13, 2013 6:13 AM  

"The virtue of prosperity, is temperance; the virtue of adversity, is fortitude; which in morals is the more heroical virtue. Prosperity is the blessing of the Old Testament; adversity is the blessing of the New; which carrieth the greater benediction, and the clearer revelation of God’s favor. Yet even in the Old Testament, if you listen to David’s harp, you shall hear as many hearse-like airs as carols; and the pencil of the Holy Ghost hath labored more in describing the afflictions of Job, than the felicities of Solomon...

... Certainly virtue is like precious odors, most fragrant when they are incensed, or crushed: for prosperity doth best discover vice, but adversity doth best discover virtue."

- Bacon, On Adversity

Anonymous scoobius dubious February 13, 2013 6:18 AM  

"Never trust a man who's never been punched in the face."
-- Dublin proverb

The advice on failure seems sound. I would add this little corollary: get into the habit of getting good at some small, odd activity that only you know about and that you don't show to other people: learn to toss a coin and catch it in a peculiar, difficult way, for instance. Build up a small repertoire of strange little things that only you know you're good at.

"And your Heavenly Father, who sees what you do in secret, will be pleased with you."

Anonymous scoobius dubious February 13, 2013 6:23 AM  

"You are better than you think. A-one, a-two, a-three."

-- high school band conductor in Vonegut's "The Kid Nobody Could Handle."

Note that both sentences/sentiments are necessary for the meaning of the line to emerge.

Blogger Markku February 13, 2013 6:31 AM  

No emerging appears to take place.

Anonymous scoobius dubious February 13, 2013 6:35 AM  

"No emerging appears to take place."

LACEDAEMONIANS: Appears.

Anonymous OCS February 13, 2013 6:38 AM  

Insofar as fear is concerned, some RSHD(TM) summed it up best:

I permit the fear to pass over and through me.

When it has gone past I turn to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there is nothing.

Only I remain.


Words that have helped me, along with the assurances in the Holy Scriptures.

Blogger Markku February 13, 2013 6:48 AM  

LACEDAEMONIANS: Appears.

Uhh... Ok. Here's another Dadaist.

Anonymous Expat February 13, 2013 6:52 AM  

Fear it is.

More specifically, one aspect, in my own experience, was a deep-seated fear of physical confrontation. Any confrontation could in principle escalate, and escalation could lead to my destruction. So fear led to an in-direct style of interaction (herd-focused, passive-aggressive, etc. ). This is not good. Find a path to address that fear.

Blogger LP 999/Eliza February 13, 2013 7:05 AM  

So when is the tattoo scheduled for ScaMcRaRa?

Fear is an odd thing. Perhaps when its observed fear is repressed anger. If anger is properly expressed or managed a person might be less fearful.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 7:06 AM  

is it really more courageous to admit your defeat, or stubbornly stick to your convictions?

When you've been beaten, it's much more courageous to admit it.

Blogger LP 999/Eliza February 13, 2013 7:07 AM  

Halt.

He is taking 10 days off to do what? Come back to the internet and debate.

Anonymous DrTorch February 13, 2013 7:16 AM  

Nice post, and comments.

I'll add explicitly what VD was implied: prepare yourself to compete well. If you go out willing to lose, but not prepared to compete well, the lesson will be lost.

Find an alpha, a winner at some level, and work with him. Odds are you avoided those people in the past, b/c they were too intense, too obnoxious, too cocky...

But, you're finding out that's not necessarily the case. These winners push themselves, and others they lead. They prepare to compete well. That may end in a loss, but it will be a hard fought loss, and those will turn into wins.

One of my fellow coaches (a good coach himself) jokingly called me 'Coach Swagger' when we were at meets. Maybe so, not b/c I didn't think there are other good coaches, but b/c I knew my kids were prepared to wrestle well, win or lose. They were prepared by being willing to be coached, to work hard, and to lose in practice.

Once they got to meets, they knew they might lose, and they did sometimes, but they won more than they lost.



Blogger Andrew Hill February 13, 2013 7:29 AM  

Vox,

Thanks for writing on failure. This was just what I needed to read in this moment. I am working on a project on which I know I will recieve a lot negative feedback. I have been bit paralized by how I had anticipated others reacions.

This was a good reminder that it's better to face the fire than turn ones back.

Blogger SarahsDaughter February 13, 2013 7:38 AM  

What I find so illuminating about your analysis of the gamma male is how closely it correlates to the female. When a woman loses, she rarely admits defeat, she quits and finds a herd that will accept her. Then justifies and rationalizes the failure and blames the oppressor...the winner. I think of how many women who have commented here over the years who got their lunch handed to them (like almost every commenter here has) and now they're gone. There are only a few exceptions.

Anonymous VD February 13, 2013 7:43 AM  

What I find so illuminating about your analysis of the gamma male is how closely it correlates to the female.

Yes, as a general rule, neither gamma males nor women can long bear to be where they are not going to be stroked and flattered. Ironically enough, this blog is one of the few places where women can expect to be genuinely treated on an equal basis with men.

Anonymous trk February 13, 2013 7:48 AM  

i think its funny that Scalzi handed over the keys to the blog to one of his female readers

Blogger Bogey February 13, 2013 8:10 AM  

Taking the football and heading home was generally cause for an immediate game of Smear the Queer. Which I'm told we should feel guilty about now, but those were the best times.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 8:27 AM  

I am in a situation that is probably relevant to this discussion. Perhaps EGA and I could benefit from mentioning it. I have read this blog for years and respect your opinions.
I am 43 years old, 6’1”, 190, probably an 8 on the male physical attractiveness for my age, electrical engineer, all state pitcher in high school, 145 on the WAIS-IV, ~120 sexual partners lifetime (100 by age 26, including a couple of 9s and a bunch of 7s and 8s).
I was rushed to the hospital just over 2 years ago with acute pancreatitis from alcohol abuse, and was in a coma for 2 weeks. I had been drinking about 18 beers per day for many years, and had gradually gone from my ideal weight of 190 lbs to 242 lbs from age 26 to 41, during which time my relationships with women unsurprisingly declined in number and quality. Doctors gave me a 10% chance to survive during kidney dialysis while I was in the coma and prepared my mother for my probable death. Needless to say I won that lottery, haven’t had a drop of alcohol since, and am told I am in perfect health. I have never felt better physically, but my confidence with women is nothing like what it once was. I have had almost nothing to do with women since the brush with death. I am not fearful of getting sick again, and am not depressed about what happened in particular. I just feel like there is a wall between me and attractive women, and approaching them seems like flying to the moon, even though I did it regularly a long time ago. I was never alpha, but would say sigma fit me best at one time (VD would probably say shy attractive delta, and that is fine, I’d say I blurred the two, but can accept that). Now low delta in behavior and attitude.
I have not been to any AA meetings or anything like that, the cravings are gone, and I am 100% confident that I will never drink again. I haven’t discussed the confidence issue with anyone.
Add that I was in an on and off relationship with a very pretty but very shy and emotionally damaged woman from age 35 to 41, and despite this we were discussing marriage. I don’t think I would have put up with her emotional problems and intimacy issues without the low self esteem I had during the escalation of the drinking phase – I broke it off permanently last year after trying it again with her sober. My clear mind prohibited me from tolerating the nonsense anymore (on and off affection, rejection followed by apologies and renewed affection) and I realized that I would never be happy in that mess with the memories of having happy and fun girlfriends a long time ago, and that I was no longer an overweight drunk fit for being in a situation where I was manipulated. So that is a step in the right direction.
Now I find myself with this strange fear of something. Rejection is a big part, but I have been rejected before and it didn’t kill me. For some reason pointing this out to myself doesn’t help, and the days have turned to weeks and months as I am watching my 40s pass me by in the woman department despite career, looks, and physical health being pretty positive.
Also probably relevant, I used to bench 315 (when I was 38) and now maybe could put up my body weight once. Haven’t had the motivation to get back into it. I realize that I went from being stronger than 95% of men to being smack in the middle. It is amazing how much this affects my confidence. On one hand it seems silly because 43 year old electrical engineers don’t generally get into physical fights, but I am constantly aware that I no longer have that swagger.
I started typing this as an appeal for advice and it turned into a bit of advice for others also I guess, but I am still hoping to read something that might help – getting strong again is not, I think, the simple solution. There is more here.
I suppose the answer is simple – just go at it, accept failure, and move on. But I have told myself that and it doesn’t happen. A lot has happened in the last couple of years, and I’m not the same guy.
Wonder what you guys think.

Anonymous DrTorch February 13, 2013 8:28 AM  

Smear the Queer

Finally, someone else who used this name.

It was immediately what I thought of when the Ravens' punter was running around the endzone.

Anonymous DrTorch February 13, 2013 8:35 AM  

Joe

I think you need to figure out what you want. Previously, you cruised through life casually, taking what you wanted in the moment.

Recently you encountered your own mortality. That shakes up everyone. Now you realize that you need to invest in something more solid, more permanent...but you don't know what that is.

So, this bewilderment has led to apprehension on your part. You don't want to invest in something trivial, but you don't know where to focus. I don't think you have fear, but rather apathy toward most of your old interests as you crave for something more substantial.

I don't know if you're a Christian, but either way, the book of Ecclesiastes is for you. It's not a long book, but it does provide answers to the questions you have.

Anonymous Papapete February 13, 2013 8:38 AM  

Try doing something that you know you won't be good at and force yourself to stick to it until you master it. For example, my wife and I have been taking ballroom dance lessons for almost two years now. I'd never danced at all in my entire life and was completely hopeless at it. For the longest time my ineptitude was complete and it seemed that i would never learn how to dance. This was frustrating since i was a high school athlete and physical activities came fairly easily to me. But i persevered and I'm now almost up to mediocre and won't quit until I've mastered it.

Sometimes the competition is with yourself and your own expectations and limitations.

Anonymous Wendy February 13, 2013 8:40 AM  

Good for EGA. I might suggest finding a sport to learn. The exercise is beneficial, it good for both mind and body to pick up something new, and, at times, it good to be able to not take yourself too seriously.

On the subject of losing and fearing it too much because they had little experience at it, see the 1980 Soviet Olympic Hockey team. The machine. The pros verses the amateurs. They didn't even pull the goalie.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 8:41 AM  

EGA has hatched!
The first step is to realize what you are - the truth will indeed set you free.

But the other half is to reject it. In one sense, gamma rabbit shows everyone there knows what they are. I wasn't kidding about it being demonic. Some who are bad-to-the-bone evil adopt snakes, or something with muscles and teeth that breathes fire. They know they are sinners and revel in sin. Or like a gay pride parade where participants must show off their giving themselves over to lust. Gamma Rabbit is the same celebration of evil, sin.

Acedia, we call it sloth, is not lazyness, it is defined as sorrow at another's good. Much closer to envy which is about other's possessions. Sloth doesn't want thenself to strengthen but the opponent to weaken. Envy wants to destroy the trophies and even the contests. That is the sin in hating and resenting losing to another. And they are cardinal, deadly!, sins.

It is hard to imagine an icon or avatar for such, but in this Scalzi has blessed us - it is the left sidebar here. Even in his introduction you can read the petty sniping. There are true pacifists that would have preached peace and love toward the enemy with a different avatar, but you see petty resentment.

The greater deadly sins such as anger, lust, and gluttony hold such in contempt.

It is ash wednesday, and rabbitness is something we should join with EGA and give it up for Lent.

Anonymous JohnR February 13, 2013 8:41 AM  

Dr. Torch: The kids still say it. My boys played it and called it that until about 2 years ago when they outgrew it.

Anonymous Tad February 13, 2013 8:45 AM  

@Vox Day

Admit failure and attempt to understand it, so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Even when you can't reasonably expect to succeed, you can try to fail for a different reason.

There is a corollary to this advice: If you want to improve at something, do whatever it is in the presence of those who are better at it than you, whether competitive situation or not.

When I was a 15 handicap golfer I occasionally found myself on the course with 5, 2 and scratch handicap golfers, rather than those near my own handicap. Whenever that was the case, my game improved considerably. It didn't take long to take the step of putting myself in situations where my playing partners were nearly always better than I at the game.

Being in the presence of better golfers on a regular basis did as much as anything else to help me bring my handicap down to single digits and keep it there.

The key, in all of this, is to dismiss any notions of embarrassment that often arise in competitive situations or situations where your peers are better than you, and replace it with the more productive motivation of desire.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 8:47 AM  

Dr Torch, thanks. I had a conversion experience after a sinner's prayer when I was 31. I stopped drinking for 2 months at that time. Needless to say I backslid.
Faith is another issue in my life that has been on hold during the last two years, sorry to say. I still would tell you I am a believer if you asked, but it hasn't manifested in my day to day life over the last two years as it did during the time I mentioned 12 years ago. I will take your advice.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 8:54 AM  

EGA
First of all... good on ya mate. Its not easy to admit you're wrong. And for someone with Gamma tendencies its basically the end of the world. In a lot of ways that ties in to your inability to lose well.

It goes to the core of gamma. You care to much what other people think of you. And... you mistakenly believe that other people actually bother thinking that much about you at all.

The Gamma believes he is a very good person. And he desperately wants everyone to know what a good person he is.

My advice is...

A great next step would be to realize that most people are far to self-absorbed to think about you one way or the other. And... to realize that everyone is wrong sometimes... and everyone loses... and how you handle being wrong or losing will gain your more respect than being right 1000 times and winning a dozen debates.

Some say as well that the Gamma is the result of a self-image that isn't matched by accomplishment. I can't judge that in you one way or another... but if it strikes some nerve with you... then I suggest figuring out how to reduce that gap. Challenge yourself. Climb a mountain. Take on some new hobby. I wrote a piece Vox put up on AlphaGame called "dragon slaying". I think it will help you if you see that gap as a potential issue.

Work on the other end as well. Everyone loses. Everyone says dumb things sometimes. Hell... I've read and studied and talked about and consumed bourbon for over a decade... and just the other day I basically wrote a comment that implied there wasn't any corn in Makers Mark. That's roughly as stupid as an engineer at goodyear suggesting there is no rubber in tires.

We say dumb things... and we do dumb things. We all do. Learn to handle it with grace... and you will gain enormous respect.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 8:54 AM  

Sports, something physical is good, but I remember in an earlier thread commenting that it happens daily - when we don't face something head on, and either battle or honorably and honestly concede defeat. Every excuse, external force or person, bad luck, not having time. Thats all rabbit, and it is dishonest. Sometimes there are honest reasons for deferring conflict. But most often it is the rationalization hamster.

It takes will to see the truth - to see every evasion as a worse defeat than an honorable loss.

The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave just one.

Anonymous JartStar February 13, 2013 8:55 AM  

Or in the immortal words of Rocky Balboa: "But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! "

Anonymous Tom February 13, 2013 8:56 AM  

I played on one of those lose every game teams in Little League. Before the season, the coach tried to burn down his house with his wife and kids in it. Did get the wife and kids, but did burn up the equipment for the team.

Oh how that season taught me to hate losing. It did make me far more merciless when I played football later. We would run up the score and physically beat the crap out of the other teams and I wouldn't think anything of it.

We only had one lose in the regular season. One of our middle linebackers (son of the arsonist dad) didn't smoke up before the game like usual. Probably indicative of our over confidence. Punt return for a touchdown against us that game too. We didn't usually have to punt, so we were inexperienced there.

Went to the playoffs, and night before the second round game, three out of the five offensive line starters (all of whom also started on defense) were in the hospital waiting for one of them's girlfriend to have their first baby. They had no sleep. We lost a brutally close game. Sigh.

It still hurt to lose.

I don't think I exactly fear it, but oh how I hate it.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 9:03 AM  

Redneck Joe
Joe.. I'm gonna say something that may be out of turn... and if so... well... just say "Nate you're an idiot." It won't be the first time.

While reading your post what I got... was a spirit of fear. Maybe you know you're not going to drink again because you're legitimately terrified of it. You lived your life like you were 10 foot tall and bullet proof and then had a very serious brush with your own mortality.

For the first time in your life... you may be experiencing low level fear. Given your history... its not likely that you have ever had to deal with it much before.

The fear of alcohol in your case is clearly a healthy thing... but unfortunately it appears the fear has seeped into many aspects of your life.

All fear is... is one negative thought building upon another. "something bad is going to happen." "something really bad is going to happen." The cycle is broken when you face those thoughts down and say, "so what? I'll deal with it."

Its by no means easy. In fact its one of those things that seems impossible until you do it a few times... then... like riding a bicycle... you wonder how you ever failed at it before.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 9:08 AM  

The Gamma believes he is a very good person. And he desperately wants everyone to know what a good person he is.

This confronts the gamma with a stark choice, probably the one EGA made.

When the inconsistency is revealed, redefine self or redefine good.

Narnia's icon is Aslan who is not a tame lion, but even Reepicheep. There is no place for Gamma Rabbit there.

The witches were misunderstood since they are feminists, the werewolves were disabled, they should ban swords and bows. Gamma Rabbits would take the chronicles to be horror stories.

One more thing - gammaness is tolerated in women, but at the cost of relegating them to a safe place, hence the opposition to suffrage, but women are capable of overcoming sin just as men are and will be held to account, though to Eve's standard, not Adam's (different, not greater) one. Yet why love or even stay attached to any sin? A strong woman does not mean Xena, it means the alpha bitch that handles the den and the cubs.

Anonymous Cryan Ryan February 13, 2013 9:15 AM  

Joe,

My advice. Stop doing everything you are doing now, and go back to doing everything you were doing when you were banging the 8's & 9's two at a time.

Just kidding. Good luck to you in your recovery.

Vox I enjoyed your story about coaching so much, I forgot you were addressing a gamma about his issues.

Great story!

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 9:17 AM  

RNJ - you first accepted Jesus. Only later did you accept yourself how Jesus saw you. To him, we are all gamma rabbit. Swagger is notnthe virtue, confidence is. But the confidence has to be in Christ, not yourself.

We are made in the image of God. The good news (yes the gospel) is that we can return to that image. I can be fully confident of myself only tomthe extent Imam conformed to him. Where my will and his are indistinguishable.

His mercy is not there to keep you comfortable at the bottom, it is there to raise you up, but you must really accept it. The cancer might be benign, but it still takes chemotherapy to cure. And you have to ask him for it with full knowledge and will. Things you like will be destroyed, but what you get will be glorious.

Anonymous VD February 13, 2013 9:22 AM  

When I was a 15 handicap golfer I occasionally found myself on the course with 5, 2 and scratch handicap golfers, rather than those near my own handicap. Whenever that was the case, my game improved considerably. It didn't take long to take the step of putting myself in situations where my playing partners were nearly always better than I at the game.

After moving to Europe and playing with Italian soccer players for several years, I came back to the States for a few months one summer and played with my brother's team. He is a midfielder and was always much better on the ball than me. About ten minutes in, after beating three guys in succession and passing off for the assist, my brother shouted "what the Hell happened to you over there?"

I don't think I exactly fear it, but oh how I hate it.

Hate is not fear. I can still replay races and games I've lost in my mind, and I'm still furious with myself about some of them, but I don't fear losing when I go out there to play. The funny thing is that I can recall many missed shots in perfect detail, but I'm totally blank on most of the goals I've scored.

When the inconsistency is revealed, redefine self or redefine good.

This sums it up very well indeed.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 9:31 AM  

Joe,

Is your fear the "I don't want to go back to that place" kind of fear? Like you're living life with the ghost of your past failure hanging over you?

Blogger Blackburn February 13, 2013 9:33 AM  

RNJ, besides all the other good advice here, have your testosterone checked. 40's is when it really heads south. Low T really had an effect on me. I am doing HRT and I find a lot of my old swagger has returned.

Blogger Blackburn February 13, 2013 9:37 AM  

awww... Tad and Vox agreeing on something. how cute.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 9:41 AM  

You know what increases testosterone? Lifting. Especially squats and deadlifts.

Blogger Bogey February 13, 2013 9:42 AM  

do whatever it is in the presence of those who are better at it than you, whether competitive situation or not
That's kind of funny. Joe needs an atelier if you will for the Alpha in training.

@Redneck Joe
How much of this is just plane old age sneaking up on you? I understand the bad relationship thing. I've been in a relationship where my behavior was such that Vox could have written a whole series of posts on me (and I probably could have used it). You're an athlete, do the visualization, see yourself in those situations with an attractive woman and practice how you should react. The practice will eventually dictate behavior.

Blogger Hermit February 13, 2013 9:45 AM  

"As an officer I would often advise my men to admit their failure, embrace it, and then move on."

As an enlisted, I never got that advice. But in a high-stress job where there tended to be lots of little mistakes, I learned quickly that it's much better to admit my mistakes and move on than to try to explain away why I failed. Mistakes happen, nobody expects you to be perfect, people respect you more for owning up to your mistakes and failures.

Blogger Blackburn February 13, 2013 9:46 AM  

Josh, agree on that. I am suggesting HRT as a jump start to help make the lifestyle changes that help with T levels.

Blogger Bogey February 13, 2013 9:53 AM  

Finally, someone else who used this name.

It was immediately what I thought of when the Ravens' punter was running around the endzone.


That was a little bitch move, but we had to accept it, part of the game etc. But Damn I wanted to see someone take his head off.

Anonymous RedJack February 13, 2013 10:00 AM  

The fear of losing is something that we all need to face. I still struggle with it. I was raised that if you are not perfect in the activity, you should not do it. So if I couldn't start on the defensive line in football, my Mom said I had to quit (my Dad wanted me to also, because he knew that I would end up hurting someone. Long story).

What helped me was getting into shooting. It became an arguement with physics. I build my loads, my guns, and select my optics for a goal. I also shoot with bench rest guys who win national matches. I didn't realize how much my shooting had improved till an old friend came out and was wondering how I could shoot .4" groups with a Savage. I don't fear failure there, but hate it.

One issue I have is looking at getting an MBA. My company will pay for it, but it means that my time as an engineer will be over. I have been very successful as an engineer, but worry that the next step, manager, may not be something I will enjoy as much. However I do know that once I take the first step, I will be ok. It is just that first step that gets me.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 10:02 AM  

The funny thing is that I can recall many missed shots in perfect detail, but I'm totally blank on most of the goals I've scored.

Yep. This precisely. The first time I ever wrestled, I had to go up 2 classes, lost a major. I can still remember the color of my opponent's eyes (pale blue), my three giant rookie mistakes (getting faked by a bad whizzer feint, stepping through a single leg to a high-crotch, and volunteering to take a suicide slot in the first place). My first win? It got singled out in the newspaper, but I've got no clue what I did - in fact, I seem to remember wrestling in a completely dark room with no one around, not even an opponent.

Anonymous Gwen February 13, 2013 10:15 AM  

Failure is a crucial experience. I've got two kids. My oldest is one of those golden kids. She's smart, athletic, creative. She learns everything she tries and is soon doing better than everyone else. She has amazing social skills and is liked by her peers, who aren't as jealous of her success as you would expect. Straight A's, a star athlete, popular - she seems to have the perfect life.

My youngest is nothing like her sister. She almost flunked kindergarten. She has fought tooth and nail for every C she's gotten. She's clumsy. She's tone-deaf. She's never been good at making friends. On paper, she seems to be quite unfortunate compared to her sister.

My oldest, however, has based her whole self-worth on her success. She is terrified of failure. She refuses to try anything she thinks might be difficult and is becoming increasingly risk-averse. She sobbed hysterically when she came home with an A- on one report card. Her continuing success in life is destroying her. We keep searching for challenging situations for her (aka opportunities for failure), but she keeps acing them. We are very worried about her future. I have nightmares of my oldest being one of those kids who goes to college, gets a bad report card, and kills herself.

My youngest, on the other hand, is breezing through life. She is confident, with lots of initiative. She fails all the time, but she never lets it keep her down. She just laughs, and keeps trying until she succeeds. After a great deal of hard work she has been getting B's and even an A on one report card. This last report card had a setback, though - 3 D's. When she handed it to me, she gave me an explanation of what had gone wrong, and already had a plan in place to bring those three grades back up. Despite her academic weakness, I have no fear for my youngest. She can handle anything life throws at her.

My youngest has the resiliency her sister lacks. She sees failure as only a temporary obstacle. My oldest sees failure as the end of her worth as a human being. Part of that is personality, yes, but it's obvious my oldest needs more experience with failure. It's ironic, but I really wish she wasn't so smart and talented. I'd worry a lot less if she was more like her younger sister.

Anonymous Peter Garstig February 13, 2013 10:17 AM  

Hating to loose is very healthy. Don't ever get to embrace loosing.

Also, when playing your kids, don't let them win, ever. Sure, play with a handicap or some other kind of leveling rules, but play hard all the time. Every win should be earned.

Anonymous Gwen February 13, 2013 10:19 AM  

@tz said: " A strong woman does not mean Xena, it means the alpha bitch that handles the den and the cubs."

Worth repeating.

Anonymous Samson J. February 13, 2013 10:22 AM  

Ironically enough, this blog is one of the few places where women can expect to be genuinely treated on an equal basis with men.

This is great, and it bears on the OP's theme. In spite of generally agreeing with VD's stance on sociosexual relations, politics and family dynamics, I have no fear of acknowledging when a woman is smarter or more capable than me - because I have already been forced to acknowledge these things, many times, throughout medical school and beyond. These past experiences, in which I have been humbled by women in one capacity or another, have allowed me to see their strengths for what they are even while also appreciating their weaknesses.

Blogger Giraffe February 13, 2013 10:22 AM  

I played football at my small engineering school. We went 1-9 my last two seasons. I think I probably could have taken a better life lesson from that, looking back.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 10:29 AM  

Nate,
No, you're no idiot. Ha. I've enjoyed your posts for years. If you recall we corresponded briefly a few years ago when I lived near you in TN.
I am familiar with the 10 foot tall and bulletproof feeling, but it wasn't the sickness 2 years ago that changed it. It was a gradual slide over 15 years with the drinking. Problem is that getting rid of the drinking for 2 years fixed the physical problems but I'm still kind of a hermit.
One problem is that I think I pissed away my opportunities by wasting 26-41. Part of me says I should try to start a family with my newfound health, but another says I'm too old to get a girl who would measure up to the memories. Hope that makes it more clear.
Women my age are a mess (even those 10 years younger, and after that there is an actual generation gap). i feel like a jackass hitting on a 25 year old. Now that I think of it, maybe I hit something there. Being shot down by 25 year olds would remind me what I threw away with the wasted years, because they didn't generally shoot me down when I was 25.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 10:35 AM  

Bogey
How much of this is just plane old age sneaking up on you?

Quite a bit, in the sense I mentioned above and in the physical. I dated a 28 year old 8 briefly last year and it fizzled. She was an immature 28 and that didn't help, but in addition to feeling a bit out of place with her with my gray streaks, if we had moved on to sex I imagine I would have suffered by comparison to her age peers, simply because of the things that happen to the body.
It is a problem for those of us who got or are getting our act together after 40.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 10:37 AM  

Gwen
Does she play tennis? If she does... just get her to focus on it more and let it play out. Eventually she is going to run into a level of player that is better than her. They'll rip her apart and she'll be forced to deal with it.

Understand her first reaction is going to be to throw a fit and quit. Don't let her.

Now I bring up Tennis specifically because its an individual sport that has no time limit. Its psychologically brutal to lose at tennis. Because at any point, no matter how bad you are being beaten, you can always fightback and win. and when you can't... its all on you. There is no team to share your pain. There is no clock to look up at and say, "If I'd only had more time." Its also not quick. This isn't a race where there is a few seconds of desperation and the sinking realization that you are beaten. This goes on for hours... and in some cases... you know its going to happen in the first few games... but you have to endure the beating for 10 or 12 more.

If she doesn't play tennis and won't try it... then just keep her active in what ever sport she is playing. Eventually she'll hit the wall in sports. everyone does. When she does she will learn the lessons. There is always someone better.

Anonymous Jack Amok February 13, 2013 10:44 AM  

Vox,

Random question sparked by another visit to the Rabbit Warren. Do you have any estimates for what percentage of men are Gammas? I'd always assumed they were a small-but-annoying percentage, but I'm wondering if there are more of them than I realized.

Anonymous Wendy February 13, 2013 10:45 AM  

Part of me says I should try to start a family with my newfound health, but another says I'm too old to get a girl who would measure up to the memories. Hope that makes it more clear.

To put things in perspective, keep in mind you are in a far better position than women your age are. Remember what woman find attractive (not what they say they find attractive) and work on those things. About the only drawback, really, in a large age gap is that women live longer than men and she'll be thinking about the age gap in relation to that. If she's even thinking that far ahead. As far as wasted years, live and learn. You have time left. Make new memories.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 10:45 AM  

Josh:
Is your fear the "I don't want to go back to that place" kind of fear? Like you're living life with the ghost of your past failure hanging over you?

I understand why you thought that based on my post, but truly no.
I have no fear of being a drunk again. I really don't even think about *when* I was living that misery, just what it cost me and how much opportunity I lost now that I am standing at the other end of the tunnel, maladjusted and dazed, forgetting how to interact normally, but looking like a healthy 43 year old version of my long forgotten happy confident 25 year old self, not sure what to do next.
Whether I still have opportunities, what adjustments I should make, am I dreaming to even try, what will it be like to be laughed at by the type of woman I once was comfortable talking up, etc.

Anonymous Gwen February 13, 2013 10:55 AM  

She does karate and will have her first competition in a few months. She'll finally be in a situation where she won't be automatically the best, so I am hoping she gets literally knocked on her rear. (Poor kid - there is a sick humor to having your mother secretly trying to make you fail.) I'll look into tennis this summer. It sounds promising. Thanks!

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 10:58 AM  

ugh... Karate...

not good.

Lots of martial arts tournaments are reduced to playing tag... and the loser can almost always simply point out that the judges are idiots... and be correct.

Anonymous VD February 13, 2013 11:00 AM  

She does karate and will have her first competition in a few months. She'll finally be in a situation where she won't be automatically the best, so I am hoping she gets literally knocked on her rear.

Encourage her to spar with the men. The tournaments are just games of tag, but the sparring sessions, if they make reasonable contact, will definitely put her in her place.

Anonymous scoobius dubious February 13, 2013 11:01 AM  

Gwen -- take her to the local chess club, and find a Russian.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:02 AM  

Joe
I think you're making a mistake here in assuming that 40 year old men shouldn't be with 28 year old women. Remember peak attractiveness happens at different stages for men and women. We keep getting hotter until we're into our 40s if not later. They peak between 19 and 25.

Ever noticed how the "sexiest man on the planet" is someone like Sean Connery? Newsflash.. he isn't 25 years old.

As for bedroom performance... come on man. Most kids totally suck at sex. 15 minutes and they think they have had a marathon. Given your experience... something tells me you know your way around. That is a totally irrational fear.

This is the girl I would be looking for:

1) Cute
2) Happy

that's it.

Find one that is cute and happy... and keep her.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:05 AM  

Cute vs Beautiful...

There is a blog post in there somewhere. Cute is almost always prefereable to beautiful in a female companion. Cute isn't perfect by definition. It has flaws... but endearing flaws.

Also.. some of the most destructive things in the world are also undeniably beautiful. Lightening for example... for the life of me I can't think of anything that is cute that is destructive.

hrmmmm

Anonymous robwbright February 13, 2013 11:09 AM  

Vox, your story reminds me of a team I joined in the top amateur soccer league in the state I was living in. New team, not very good players compared to the other teams. 0-8 record in the first season. If I recall, we scored one goal the whole season.

By season 4 I was co-captain, we had added a few better players and - even though we were still low on talent/skill compared to the top 2 or 3 teams - we had learned how we had to play in order to win against more talented competition. We then won 2 reg. season and 2 playoff championships before disbanding.

All of the losing does help you deal with the fear issue. We still knew that we were outclassed by the top two teams, but we also knew that they weren't going to beat us 5-0 anymore and we knew that IF we could get the lead or even stay tied 0-0 long enough, the other team would start getting very frustrated. Those more talented teams often end up so frustrated that someone on their team gets a red card.

Our games against the "good teams" those successful seasons were usually scores of 2-1 or 3-2, but we were on the winning side more often than not.

My current team of mostly tagtag Americans (including me at age 40 and a 64 year old Brit - who would be a good player for a 40 year old) actually managed to beat an all Mexican team this season (and then we got routed in the second half against an all Euro team). Again, the Mexicans started yelling and screaming at one another once we got the lead.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 11:18 AM  

 for the life of me I can't think of anything that is cute that is destructive.

Killer bunnies with fangs?

Anonymous Stickwick February 13, 2013 11:19 AM  

... for the life of me I can't think of anything that is cute that is destructive.

PUPPIES.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 11:23 AM  

Beauty vs cute...

Beauty can lead to awe

Awe can lead to pedestals

Pedestals can lead to gamma

Gamma leads to oneitis and furry animal mascots.

Anonymous scoobius dubious February 13, 2013 11:25 AM  

"I can't think of anything that is cute that is destructive"

Well, Michael Jackson certainly had quite a run.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:37 AM  

"Well, Michael Jackson certainly had quite a run."

touche'

Cute isn't the word I would associate with him... but ok.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:38 AM  

"PUPPIES"

This is the only time I've ever wanted VD's to have a like button.

Anonymous Stickwick February 13, 2013 11:39 AM  

Wow, something just clicked with this post. This is one big reason men are more successful than women in general -- (non-gamma) men are not afraid to fail. For instance, the fear of losing is probably a big reason there are so few really funny comediennes. Given that the gamma male has much in common with females, and VD's observation that gammas have no small amount of pride, that means most women aren't willing to put themselves out there on the stage with the possibility of coming off like a fool and being rejected by the audience.

My favorite comedian, Russell Peters, is wildly popular in Canada and other parts of the world. He's ridiculously funny, quick on his feet, and quite skilled at impersonation and physical comedy. When I went back and watched his really early stuff, I was surprised to see that he was initially kind of awful. He was inconsistent, hadn't mastered the accents in his impersonation bits, and he had this awkward, off-putting laugh that would punctuate a lot of his jokes. Over the years, he obviously must have performed a lot, become inured to failure, and gained the confidence to really go for broke in his routines. Years later, he's one of the funniest men in the world.

I couldn't really piece it together before I read this post, but now it makes sense. I'm starting to see that successful people aren't born fully developed. Whatever nascent talent they have is developed over time, but only if they accept the possibility of failure and persevere. Since men are generally far less risk-averse than women, they succeed at really big things more often.

Anonymous Gwen February 13, 2013 11:42 AM  

Huh - interesting feedback on the karate. Thanks for all the comments. I'll have to think that over. We haven't seen any tournament sparring yet, so I didn't realize it could be so iffy.

Chess - that's another good idea.

Obviously I needed to come online sooner - I am getting all sorts of good ideas here! I think I need to give an evil laugh and rub my hands together in a sinister way. :D

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 11:49 AM  

Since men are generally far less risk-averse than women, they succeed at really big things more often.

That's why male athletes are more likely to use steroids and why, if a "limitless" pill existed, males would be significantly more likely to use it.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:50 AM  

Gwen

A big problem you're going to face with her is rationalization. Ex-post-facto she is going to try to convince herself that she didn't care and didn't really try.

She is going to make all kinds of excuses as to why she lost.

Don't let her.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:52 AM  

"Since men are generally far less risk-averse than women, they succeed at really big things more often."

Yes but its not just that. Men also focus better on one thing that women do.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 11:57 AM  

BTW Stick... how's everything going with you?

Anonymous Gwen February 13, 2013 12:01 PM  

Oh, yes, we have seen the rationalization. It is not easy to overcome. *sigh* Stubborn kid.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 12:01 PM  

Here's my guess at percentages:

Alpha- 5%
Beta - 10%
Delta - 65%
Gamma - 18%
Lamda - 2%
Omega -Huh. Forgot about him. Again.

Okay, maybe Gamma's only 8% (based on the percentage of American men who listen to NPR) and Omega is 10%, but dang are those folks sometimes hard to catch.

Anonymous rho February 13, 2013 12:03 PM  

Huh - interesting feedback on the karate. Thanks for all the comments. I'll have to think that over. We haven't seen any tournament sparring yet, so I didn't realize it could be so iffy.

It's worth shopping around when it comes to martial arts. Places that put equal emphasis on technique and sparring are usually good for the average person. For children, you don't want a place that is a mere belt mill, nor one that sets kids up to fail.

Sparring with higher belts is one of my favorite parts of class. As you improve you can see them holding back, yet always pushing your limits. If you get complacent, a quick kick to the head gets you back on track.

Anonymous Koanic February 13, 2013 12:07 PM  

Ah, pain.

Blogger The Deuce February 13, 2013 12:11 PM  

This brings to mind Tad's judgement that Scalzi is "winning" because he ran to some likeminded journalists and got some online articles published that will only be read and understood by people that already know him and agree with him, and threatened to throw away his money pledging piddling donations to various left-wing causes.

Meanwhile, how many people do you suppose switched from seeing things more VD's way to seeing them more Scalzi's way based on Scalzi's performance or (haha) the strength of his arguments? Which is the more substantive "win"? Making the most noise, or actually persuading new people towards your position?

Anonymous Krul February 13, 2013 12:14 PM  

Gwen,
My oldest, however, has based her whole self-worth on her success.

This is key. In my experience, people tend to judge themselves by their successes and failures. They tend to judge others in a far less demanding way.

Generally, people will like a guy if he comes off as honest, well intentioned, and not annoying; his level of success barely enters into it, if at all. It's important to understand that when you're competing you're not risking your value as a person, and when you fail you haven't lost that.

As for the Scalzi situation, VD's post feeds right into that. VD has been oozing so much "amused apathy" that we could bottle it up and sell it. He comes off like he doesn't care at all, as his answers to the interviewer show. Scalzi, on the other hand, seems to think that they're playing for high stakes and that he has a lot to lose. It's a difference in perspective that I think comes from different life experiences.

Anonymous Stickwick February 13, 2013 12:15 PM  

BTW Stick... how's everything going with you?

Thanks for asking, Nate. We had a tough year. Our little girl was stillborn in November, and that was pretty devastating. But we're bouncing back. Our OB said there's no reason we can't have a healthy baby in the future, so we're trying for another little one. And the cool thing is, we're doing it without fear. Whatever happens, we'll accept it.

Meanwhile, the science and faith ministry I'm developing is coming along, and we're starting to get some local interest. I gave a public lecture last week that generated a lot of attention, and I'm confident we'll get the financial support we're looking for very soon.

These studies in rabbitology have been very educational and inspiring -- especially today's post. I've been hesitant about putting myself out there with this ministry for fear of failing, but you know what? To hell with that. Short-term failure can only make us stronger in the long-term. Full steam ahead.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 12:21 PM  

Bless you Stickwick. My sympathies on your daughter, and I hope that you are mourning well.

Blogger RobertT February 13, 2013 12:23 PM  

I grew up in a Colorado ski resort town, which are seldom noted for athletic prowess in anything other than skiing. I started playing baseball at 8 and began playing basketball in junior high. I played with the same group of kids all the way through high school. Other than skiing, that was all the sports we had. The first few years we lost everything. I don't even remember when we began winning. It wasn't a lot, but when we were seniors we were a force to be reckoned with. We won the league in basketball and went to state where we were defeated in the semis. Our tallest player, me, was six feet tall. Most of us were of the 5'8" variety. We won state in baseball in the smallest classification and went on to beat all the teams that won the larger classifications. We beat the top team in the state three times that summer. Then we all went to college and the local teams fizzled back to nothing. I never thought about it, but all that losing probably tempered us. We were very cool under pressure.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 12:32 PM  

Damn, Stickwick, that sucks. I can't even imagine. I'll be praying for y'all.

Anonymous cheddarman February 13, 2013 12:32 PM  

Redneck Joe,

your name "Joseph" means God will bless.

sincerely

cheddarman

Anonymous karen February 13, 2013 12:37 PM  

What you do isn't who you are. That's the way to get over fear of failure. It's all wrapped up in the ego--that voice in your head is too subjective to be a true measure of an individual's worth. Quiet the mind. Most people think this is impossible because it takes a lot of effort and time--and for those people--it is impossible. You don't die when you admit you're wrong. Life goes on as usual. That's something to remember as well.

Blogger Giraffe February 13, 2013 12:44 PM  

Sorry Stickwick. Can't imagine that.

Anonymous cheddarman February 13, 2013 12:49 PM  

Redneck Joe,

just realized you're real name might not be Joseph. (doh!!!)
but my point is God will bless you if you step forward as a man.

sincerely

cheddarman

Blogger Markku February 13, 2013 12:54 PM  

Between Vox and McRapey, I don't think it is as straightforward as one losing exactly to the degree that the other wins. There is an element of a win-win situation here. Scalzi gets reputation among rabbits, and he happens to value that. Vox gets his terminology presented in mainstream media as if it is THE Game terminology. He also gets lulz. And he may get other things later, that I don't admit to having knowledge of. Vox values those.

Blogger ajw308 February 13, 2013 12:55 PM  

You know because of your experience and observation.
Here, Vox shows how easy science is.

It was one long glorious bloodbath.
And it was enjoyed by all, not for the beatings dished out, but because it was hard earned and boys tasted what manhood is made of while being steered away from the area were Gammas grow.

You are right about sports, not only do they give boys an outlet to be boys, the lessons learned shape men.

Joe,
I'm guessing that you didn't work to hard for your earlier successes and that your 'brush with death' is probably your first hard loss.

I look at a lot of people and the hardest they've ever worked at something was learning to talk and walk as infants/toddlers. Every waking minute of every day for 18 months/2 years they worked at it till they got it. If they applied that effort with lack of fear of failure to other parts of their lives they'd be so much better off but they've forgotten how hard they can work for something. Either that, or they've just gotten lazy.

Blogger Scott February 13, 2013 1:03 PM  

Hmmm.... Sounds like the main lesson here is something along the lines of 'real, lasting success tends to flow from pursuing the mortification of pride.'

I like it...

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 1:11 PM  

And he may get other things later, that I don't admit to having knowledge of. Vox values those.

Italian crafted loafers made out of rabbit skin?

Anonymous toothy February 13, 2013 1:35 PM  

Sorry for you loss, Stickwick.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 1:44 PM  

Stickwick
Love ya kid. Give 'em Hell.

Blogger JDC February 13, 2013 1:57 PM  

@Stickwick - I am very sorry for your loss. Would be interested in the future to hear about your ministry - it sounds exciting.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 2:03 PM  

ajw308:
Joe,
I'm guessing that you didn't work to hard for your earlier successes and that your 'brush with death' is probably your first hard loss.

Shoot, it's hard to give a good representation of oneself so quickly. I've painted a certain picture with the first paragraph I typed early this morning that has made more than one person think that.
I've had plenty of hard losses, one being flat out suddenly dumped by HS sweetheart of 5 years at age 20. That was actually one of the reasons why the notch count was high back then - I had every intention of being monogamous before that set me on the fleshly adventures to take my mind off that fall.
Also lost a drunken fist fight with an apartment neighbor pretty bad at age 29, ended up with a broken nose and shiner that I wore for 2 weeks while teaching at a college at the time. Nah I know what it's like to lose.
Also had plenty of self doubt when I was hooking up at fraternity parties, despite appearing pretty successful on the surface.
I had a hard time getting approval from my father when I was that age. He was also a heavy drinker and died of liver cancer 8 years ago (but he stopped drinking 8 years before he died and we got along great those last few years).

Anonymous Move Zig February 13, 2013 2:04 PM  

Nate said...
"Cute vs Beautiful...


Also.. some of the most destructive things in the world are also undeniably beautiful. Lightening for example... for the life of me I can't think of anything that is cute that is destructive.

hrmmmm "

Puppies and Kittens?

Anonymous Stickwick February 13, 2013 2:06 PM  

Thanks, guys. You're the best.

Anonymous JohnR February 13, 2013 2:25 PM  

Bogey says, That was a little bitch move, but we had to accept it, part of the game etc. But Damn I wanted to see someone take his head off."

How was that a bitch move?

The Ravens were trying to run down the clock to prevent the 49s from doing anything when the got the ball and to prevent a punt return for a TD. It worked. The 49s had 4 seconds to run their final play.

It is called good tactics and good coaching.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 2:32 PM  

Italian crafted loafers made out of rabbit skin?

Bunny Slippers?

Anonymous Stingray February 13, 2013 2:50 PM  

Nate,

Thanks for the cute vs beautiful explanation. I think men and women view those terms differently and I like the way you explained it.

I've a question for the ilk. I'm not afraid of losing as I played lots of sports in high school and we lost a lot. I hate it, but I'm not afraid of it. I so struggle with wanting to be liked and not wanting to fail, as Stickwick stated above. I'm better with the whole wanting to be liked thing than I was, but I still care way more than is rational in any way. How does on get past this?

Stickwick, you and yours are in my prayers.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 2:54 PM  

It is probably an advantage for women to be more risk-adverse. If the man gets blown up, the wife and offspring can continue. The woman is busy from 9 months before birth and several months afterward with dependent babies. That doesn't mean it isn't annoying since you can go from aversion to simple virtuous prudence.

But to continue on Ash Wednesday, you are the slave to, and hold as an idol you worship, anything you are afraid of losing. Jesus says several times in the Gospels you must (be ready to) give up everything. (Your will has to let everything go including all the conceptions of yourself). Once you let go, you are free. Once free, you can fly.

Also, to continue with the icons of female strength - Mary was both Virgin and Mother but these are either-or in the rest of women. "Sister Felicity" could handle two dozen restless pubescent teen boys armed with only a ruler. The Abbesses - Mother Superiors - also ran things. But the nunnery puts the novices through a boot-camp. But these are also the opposite of what modern gender feminists call "success".

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 3:04 PM  

@Stingray - the question is whether you want to be "liked" or "respected". Not feared, but appreciated. When you are "liked", it is not YOU who are liked, but your submission to the group. You need to substitute being respected as someone who will try even if they fail, to be a worthy competitor, instead of being liked for doing nothing - since nothing will rock the boat. Feel good about achieving something. It need not be sports, but find something which is a weakness. For example, if you are a klutz, learn to juggle or do magic tricks that require dexterity. If you are weak in music or foreign language, push yourself to learn one. Do a half-hour or hour every day. Overcome yourself - your own weakness - somewhere. Then it is easier to reject the given freely - you get what you pay for - "like" in favor of earned respect.

Facebook has a "Like". Someone needs to create a "Respect".

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 3:06 PM  

" I so struggle with wanting to be liked and not wanting to fail, as Stickwick stated above. I'm better with the whole wanting to be liked thing than I was, but I still care way more than is rational in any way. How does on get past this? "

This starts with the realization that people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about you as you think they do.

Honestly... people don't give a shit. Almost all of them are far to self-absorbed to think about you one way or the other.

I submit that you should seek out the philosophy of Saban. Focus on the things you can control. You can control your actions. You cannot control how people react to them.

In many cases people's negative reaction to you, if they have one, has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Unless of course you find LOTS of people having negative reactions to you. Then its you.

Given our exposure to you here... Its not you.

Anonymous EGA February 13, 2013 3:13 PM  

Gentlemen (and ladies),

I was really very nervous about Vox posting this. Thank you all. I'll try to take your advice and build on it.

This is a horrible and awful thing. I revert to that way of thinking by default. During a down time at work this morning, I tried to figure out how I got myself here. My dad is like this; my mom is often a self-centered shrew; my parents cared more about my brother than me; I was molested; I never learned how to even talk to girls; I spent years in the silliest of churches and "Christian" schools.

And none of those things really matter now. I'm searching for somebody else to blame, and it's a humiliating and painful admission. But there it is. This is going to be a slog, I can tell.

I'm getting back on my discipline and weight training. I've lost 90+ pounds and I'm not going to stop. I'll be benching my body weight soon.

Thank you for posting this, Vox, and to all of the commenters.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 3:13 PM  

"It is called good tactics and good coaching."

I agree.

Still gay.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 3:15 PM  

EGA
You're right. None of that matters. You now have a mission. Focus on that mission. Your approach to any female should be "I'm on a mission. You can come along if you want." This is infinitely more attractive to women.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 3:21 PM  

Honestly... people don't give a shit

No, such people give a shit. They give several shits. But that is all they give, except for the occasional golden shower. If you think you should be a part of a group of shitty people, or enjoy being the recipient of shit, stay in the warren.

They worry when someone starts pointing out that they are living in a cesspool of their own excrement. That it/they stink.

But that is the truth.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 3:26 PM  

And none of those things really matter now. I'm searching for somebody else to blame, and it's a humiliating and painful admission. But there it is. This is going to be a slog, I can tell.

Stop looking for someone to blame. Just move on with your life. If it makes the process move faster, just blame yourself. Actually, just forgive yourself. And move on.

Is this the part where Vox says, "it's not your fault, son" over and over until EGA cries and they bro hug it out?

Anonymous Jack Amok February 13, 2013 3:27 PM  

Between Vox and McRapey, I don't think it is as straightforward as one losing exactly to the degree that the other wins. There is an element of a win-win situation here

The secret to negotiating is finding ways to create extra value, so that both sides can gain. Of course, since your insight created the extra value, you should claim more of it, so even though it's win-win, you won a little more than the other guy...

Stickwick,

Sorry you went through that - my niece and sister-in-law both did with their first pregnancies and I know it hurt. But they both went on to have healthy kids.

EGA,

Keep it up. You may fall back to old ways of thinking now, but the brain is more plastic than we realize. Lifting weights, challenging yourself, building new habits, those will all pay off. Just remind yourself, you can't really win if you don't risk losing. Good luck.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 3:28 PM  

Between Vox and McRapey, I don't think it is as straightforward as one losing exactly to the degree that the other wins. There is an element of a win-win situation here. Scalzi gets reputation among rabbits, and he happens to value that. Vox gets his terminology presented in mainstream media as if it is THE Game terminology. He also gets lulz. And he may get other things later, that I don't admit to having knowledge of. Vox values those.

I imagine he also values inspiring his self-described opponents to freely market A Throne of Bones via Salon. I imagine he also values receiving dedicated free press in three major English-speaking countries for a decent swath of his ideas. I know he likes the truth, and exposing liars and lies. The fact that he could inspire a bunch of rabbits to do the heavy lifting on his behalf has got to be rewarding.

More rewarding? Slowly, over the course of days and weeks, tying the knot on a tidy package, with an adorable plurbple bun-bun in the box, and tossing it back into the hutch for the others to rip into like it is a piñata.

The Prince of Wangst ought to be thanking his lucky stars that he turtled and locked himself into the Land of Perpetual Thought Experiments, rather than thinking, when the arrows started flying, that a press release and interview schedule made an awfully handy shield.

McRapey's high horse went down like a ton of bricks, knocking him out of commission for 10 days...and the 1st trump hasn't even loosed its song! When he does get back, all he's going to do is start whipping the corpse.

I won't be surprised if the LGBT group he's pledged his pennies to comes after him for referring to their kind as cocaine-fueled, bathhouse orgy dwelling Eurofags hilariously victimized by prison rape.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 3:32 PM  

EGA, to repeat the Lewis "Man or Rabbit" passage:

http://www.merelewis.org/CSL.gitd.1-12.ManOrRabbit.htm


But still—for intellectual honour has sunk very low in our age—I hear someone whimpering on with his question, “Will it help me? Will it make me happy? Do you really think I’d be better if I became a Christian?” Well, if you must have it, my answer is “Yes.” But I don’t like giving an answer at all at this stage. Here is door, behind which, according to some people, the secret of the universe is waiting for you. Either that’s true or it isn’t. And if it isn’t, then what the door really conceals is simply the greatest fraud, the most colossal “sell” on record. Isn’t it obviously the job of every man (that is a man and not a rabbit) to try to find out which, and then to devote his full energies either to serving this tremendous secret or to exposing and destroying this gigantic humbug? Faced with such an issue, can you really remain wholly absorbed in your own blessed “moral development”?

All right, Christianity will do you good—a great deal more good than you ever wanted or expected. And the first bit of good it will do you is to hammer into your head (you won’t enjoy that!) the fact that what you have hitherto called “good”—all that about “leading a decent life” and “being kind”—isn’t quite the magnificent and all-important affair you supposed. It will teach you that in fact you can’t be “good” (not for twenty-four hours) on your own moral efforts. And then it will teach you that even if you were, you still wouldn’t have achieved the purpose for which you were created. Mere morality is not the end of life. You were made for something quite different from that. J. S. Mill and Confucius (Socrates was much nearer the reality) simply didn’t know what life is about. The people who keep on asking if they can’t lead a decent life without Christ, don’t know what life is about; if they did they would know that “a decent life” is mere machinery compared with the thing we men are really made for. Morality is indispensable: but the Divine Life, which gives itself to us and which calls us to be gods, intends for us something in which morality will be swallowed up. We are to be re-made. All the rabbit in us is to disappear—the worried, conscientious, ethical rabbit as well as the cowardly and sensual rabbit. We shall bleed and squeal as the handfuls of fur come out; and then, surprisingly, we shall find underneath it all a thing we have never yet imagined: a real Man, an ageless god, a son of God, strong, radiant, wise, beautiful, and drenched in joy.


You are no longer a rabbit pretending to be a man, but a man who occasionally still acts like a rabbit. But that is a difference in kind. Welcome to the real world. The weakest who have taken the red pill are stronger than the best who have not. The truth is not pretty - because it shows you for what you are - but you don't have to stay that way, and even the desire to change once you know is in itself a change. Before it was a desire to reinforce the illusion so you could continue to avoid change.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 3:32 PM  

And, yeah, EGA, it does suck. And your life was shitty. And people did hurt you.

Now, that was in the past.

Going forward, you have three options.

1) embrace your brokenness and wallow in it, identify yourself as a victim, and don't take any responsibility for anything

2) repress those feelings, emotions, and memories. Move on with your life, and forget what was in the past.

3) get help and seek spiritual healing, fix those emotional wounds. Move on with your life.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 3:34 PM  

90 pounds, EGA? Well done.

Anonymous VD February 13, 2013 3:36 PM  

Is this the part where Vox says, "it's not your fault, son" over and over until EGA cries and they bro hug it out

I outsource that to Nate. He's much more cuddly. Or so I am told.

Anonymous Tom February 13, 2013 3:45 PM  

Joe,

Most people use their "addictions" to block out and replace God and His rightful claim on our lives. I know I do.

If Christ is your Savior, try to start making Him your Lord as well. Things go far better for me when I do that. I wish I had the wisdom to do it more often than I do. Start reading your Bible every day. Start praying to Him. If you are saved, He didn't save you for the fun of it.

As a single man, you can do a lot more than many of us who are married with family responsibilities.

If you want to.

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 3:50 PM  

I outsource that to Nate. He's much more cuddly. Or so I am told.

I laughed. I do think Jamie cuddled with Nate. Or so I've been told.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 3:53 PM  

McRapey assumes he is winning because of his shallowness. There are a number of games (e.g. Go) where you can be led very far down a path where it appears you are gaining and then the trap springs shut. McR understands this at some level - he at least correctly recognizes Vox is not playing by the rules of the warren, and can't understand why it is continuing. But he can't conceive of the rules or the game Vox is playing. McR is used to rab-bots where you push a button, it reacts predictably (and that includes McRab-bot). What do you do when you push the button and either nothing or something unexpected or (to him) wrong happens? And you have nothing mentally with which you can be able to understand or analyze it? Declaring "RSHD!" is a non-analysis, an admission of failure. Yet he cannot stop either (even in this hiatus).

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:03 PM  

"I outsource that to Nate. He's much more cuddly. Or so I am told."

That's me. A cuddly and affectionate lover.


Ask Spacebunny.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:05 PM  

"I laughed. I do think Jamie cuddled with Nate. Or so I've been told."

No mate. You got drunk and crawled into bed with Jamie.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 4:10 PM  

What? How did I miss this bizarre menage a drawls?

Blogger RobertT February 13, 2013 4:11 PM  

"Scalzi, on the other hand, seems to think that they're playing for high stakes and that he has a lot to lose."

Scalzi does have a lot to lose. Actually he's already lost it. Now we're just shadow boxing.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:17 PM  

Come on Josh... you remember this...

It was right after the 3 tranny hookers we hired to go to Vox's house flaked out. You were so dejected and disappointed you said the whole world was shit and staggered up to the bed.

Blogger Desert Cat February 13, 2013 4:22 PM  

Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 10:29 AM
Women my age are a mess (even those 10 years younger, and after that there is an actual generation gap). i feel like a jackass hitting on a 25 year old. Now that I think of it, maybe I hit something there. Being shot down by 25 year olds would remind me what I threw away with the wasted years, because they didn't generally shoot me down when I was 25.


This might actually be a focused enough place to start, to chip away at what's eating you. Embrace the challenge of 25 year olds. Study game. Flirt with them, hit on them until they are no longer consistently shooting you down. Gray can be dyed or better yet, shaved all off. If you find one worthy, libido issues yield to DHEA or HRT and/or T-boosting weight lifting. Don't let that stop you. A fit and confident 40-something is mesmerizing to enough 25's to make the hunt worth pursuing.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:22 PM  

I think this is one of the best tests for the whole "ecochamber" fallacy.

Would anyone at Whatever ever consider hiring tranny hookers and sending them to Scalzi's house as a glorious practical joke?

no.


Never.


Not only did the Ilk contemplated... we actually went through with it. We were only foiled by the flakey nature of the shemales involved.

Unreliable transvestites.

Who knew?

Anonymous Josh February 13, 2013 4:24 PM  

I don't remember that...probably because I was quite drunk...

Anonymous josh February 13, 2013 4:27 PM  

I don't think the denizens of whatever would hire a hooker for anyone. They would find that suggestion to be very hateful and sexist. And then they would drown their sorrows in sugary desserts.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 4:29 PM  

Not only did the Ilk contemplated... we actually went through with it. We were only foiled by the flakey nature of the shemales involved.

Unreliable transvestites.

Who knew?


Which one of you has so little lambda Game that you couldn't convince a transvestite, with cash, to visit a house? Next time give Tad a call.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:36 PM  

"Which one of you has so little lambda Game that you couldn't convince a transvestite, with cash, to visit a house? Next time give Tad a call."

Well... looking back...it was a drunk australian calling from america directing them to a house in italy.

It does appear a bit sketchy.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 4:36 PM  

the three drunk rednecks laughing in the background coulnd't have helped much either.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 4:41 PM  

Speaking of inappropriate transvestite fantasies:

Scalzi twitter from today:

If you're a dude using "mangina" in any context OTHER than mocking dudes using "mangina" seriously, please consider tonguing a wall socket.

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 5:12 PM  

Scalzi on Twitter???

But there is no ban hammer on twitter.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 5:15 PM  

Oh his output there has exploded in self-imposed exile from whatever. Whether it is because he's cranking up the promotional campaign or simply can't leave the scene of his crapped pants, I have no idea.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 13, 2013 5:45 PM  

Desert Cat
"This might actually be a focused enough place to start, to chip away at what's eating you. Embrace the challenge of 25 year olds. Study game. Flirt with them, hit on them until they are no longer consistently shooting you down."

Well, I didn't say that they were shooting me down. I haven't really tried. Heh. But hey I admitted I feared it, and that's just as bad or worse. And I like your advice.

"If you find one worthy, libido issues yield to DHEA or HRT and/or T-boosting weight lifting."
Yes neglecting the weights has got to end. Will change that immediately.
What it does for libido remains to be seen. Haven't really tried it with regularity since I was too overweight and sick to determine if it helped there.
"Don't let that stop you. A fit and confident 40-something is mesmerizing to enough 25's to make the hunt worth pursuing."

Looking at things a bit differently. Guts have needed spilling for a while now. Thanks all.

Anonymous Daniel February 13, 2013 5:52 PM  

Go Joe, Go! And if 25-year olds don't work out for you, start aiming lower.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 6:09 PM  

As it was hard to avoid passing out and read the text accompanying the introduction of the icon, I had to wait, and I expect many here didn't bother reading it, but realize it is at least as absurd if not moreso than the avatar/icon.

I have not deconstructed the manifisto, but this seems as good a place as any:

Yes, Gamma Rabbit, who likes people as they are, fears no one no matter how they live their lives, and who is comfortable with himself and his own personal values of kindness, tolerance and diversity. Sure, there are some who look down on him and his ways, but you know what? Gamma Rabbit knows that those people are kooky, silly, wacky racist sexist homophobic dipshits, and aside from looking forward to the day when they might pull their heads out and join the rest of the human race, lets them alone to do their own thing. Because Gamma Rabbit has other, better people and things to think about.

If the Gamma Rabbits feared no one, they wouldn't care if they had guns. Or perhaps they fear inanimate objects.

He is kind only to the warren, tolerates only consonant group-think, and by diversity only applies to the kinds of obsequiousness to the warren.

He only likes fellow rabbits "as they are".

If Gamma Rabbit was indeed comfortable with himself, etc. he would not engage in petty insults.

Gamma Rabbit finally makes a category error. We are the human race. We are the better people. It should read:

when they might tuck in their tails and join the warren, lets them alone to do their own thing. Because Gamma Rabbit has his better fellow warren dwellers and things to think about.

I mean, really. Can even they say that such interleaved petty insults directly from the mouth of the beast demonstrate that he likes them "as they are", or shows kindness, tolerance, or diversity?

The best construction would be severe psychosis. But the problem is far more severe and deeper.

Anonymous Stingray February 13, 2013 6:11 PM  

tz and Nate,

Thank you. I appreciate your responses and I agree with tz. Some people do care. I know it should make absolutely ZERO difference what their opinion is of me, but I cannot make it go away. Like I said, it has gotten a lot better, I just have a long way to go. Why what they think of me matters is beyond me and I wish I could make it stop.

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 6:14 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous Noah B. February 13, 2013 6:34 PM  

Vox, thanks for sharing your story about the soccer team you coached. I've never been much for organized sports but it was still very gripping and it's obviously something you remember fondly and are still very passionate about. Have you given any thought to turning it into a book?

Blogger Nate February 13, 2013 7:17 PM  

"Go Joe, Go! And if 25-year olds don't work out for you, start aiming lower."

well...

not THAT much lower.

Blogger mmaier2112 February 13, 2013 8:41 PM  

Stickwick: Very sorry to read that. Be blessed.

Blogger mmaier2112 February 13, 2013 8:41 PM  

Nate February 13, 2013 4:36 PM

"Which one of you has so little lambda Game that you couldn't convince a transvestite, with cash, to visit a house? Next time give Tad a call."

Well... looking back...it was a drunk australian calling from america directing them to a house in italy.

It does appear a bit sketchy.


Hmmmmmm..... I must call shenanigans. Y'all said you were sending a tranny to my hotel the night of my involuntary layover in Philly and THAT one never showed neither.

Anonymous Mystery Man February 13, 2013 10:08 PM  

well...

not THAT much lower.


Why not? Girls stop growing two years after menarche, and menarche's getting younger every year! We're down to, what? Full adulthood at an average of fourteen now?

Blogger tz February 13, 2013 10:49 PM  

not THAT much lower.

Check the laws of your state of residence - and hers.

Beyond that, do you really want a hypergamorous hamster? Alphas might be able to build a hare-m, but do you want a warren of bunnies or should you aim for a woman of substance?

Blogger SarahsDaughter February 13, 2013 10:58 PM  

Stickwick,
Our condolences to you, hon. Prayers for your journey as you wait for heaven to see your daughter again.

Redlegben and I are very interested to know more about your science and faith ministry. Do you have a blog or website?

Anonymous Stickwick February 13, 2013 11:51 PM  

Thanks again for the sympathies, friends.

For those interested in the science/faith ministry, it's still in its developmental stage, and will go public in time. I've got a few things in the works, including a website and educational materials, that will be available in about a year. Somewhere around that time (depending on how successful my husband and I are at expanding our little Viking horde), I'll also be available to give interactive lectures for church and school groups.

Anonymous Josh February 14, 2013 12:15 AM  

Y'all said you were sending a tranny to my hotel the night of my involuntary layover in Philly and THAT one never showed neither.

Trannies are very unreliable.

Blogger JCclimber February 14, 2013 1:24 AM  

"Trannies are very unreliable."

Not true. Trannies are a pretty reliable indicator of the true state of a national economy. If the goods aren't moving, then the economy is stuck.

Blogger tz February 14, 2013 8:00 AM  

Interesting. I just picked up a newsletter that had a brief speech. It mentioned Cicero complaining about those who don't know the past are 'forever children', the Peter Pan syndrome (I'll never grow up), and Chesterton's comment that Tradition has been tried, found difficult, and abandoned.

At least Peter Pan would attack Capt. Hook directly instead of buzzing around casting meaningless insults.

Blogger Nate February 14, 2013 8:11 AM  

"Hmmmmmm..... I must call shenanigans. Y'all said you were sending a tranny to my hotel the night of my involuntary layover in Philly and THAT one never showed neither."

Sorry. I guess we got ya all excited and then didn't follow through? Still have blue balls over it?

Nah truth is we didn't follow through on that one.

Anonymous Redneck Joe February 14, 2013 10:07 AM  

tz: "Alphas might be able to build a hare-m, but do you want a warren of bunnies or should you aim for a woman of substance?"
High deltas can have harems. It's just more subtle. I'm living proof. Just not recently. I will work on it.
Substance would be cool too.

Blogger tz February 15, 2013 7:00 PM  

I could have used a tranny a few months ago. Mine started making nasty noises in drive, though reverse was fine and it was also quiet in neutral, but 1,2,3 weren't quite right

Blogger tz February 15, 2013 7:02 PM  

I'm waiting for the demotivator, "Gamma Rabbit:". The problem is not finding a caption, it is finding one in the very fertile field.

Blogger tz February 15, 2013 7:07 PM  

Also check out today's "Something Really Old VII" - just click the McRapey icon in the left sidebar.

Anonymous David of One February 15, 2013 11:13 PM  

This is target rich ... scaldlipzi is first to be mentioned in the comments:

http://pjmedia.com/lifestyle/2013/02/14/why-women-ruin-everything-for-women/

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