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Saturday, August 17, 2013

McRapey retreats

You may recall that for the last nine months John Scalzi has been lying about his average daily blog readers.
John Scalzi @scalzi 6:20 AM - 4 Dec 12
Hey, authors of non-traditionally published books! Promote your book to my 50K daily blog readers TODAY: http://bit.ly/TzNsdl

John Scalzi ‏@scalzi
@gregpak I think if people like the content they will keep coming in regardless. I mean, my site gets 50K readers a day
Four days after I busted him for exaggerating his daily readership by a mere 46,000 readers, he abruptly, and for no particular reason at all, retreated to his previous claim of UP TO 50k readers.
piovere ‏@piovere 4:44 PM - 16 Aug 13
@scalzi via what means do you get these many ARCs? I ha thought it was SFWA related, but I guess not?

John Scalzi ‏@scalzi
@piovere It's related to having 50K Twitter followers and up to 50K daily readers of the blog, many of whom like SF/F.
While it is technically true, McRapey's claim about having up to 50k daily readers of his blog is more than a little misleading considering how much smaller his average daily blog readership is.  Come clean, Johnny. Be honest about your site traffic. Just do what I do and post your numbers for the public to see. You'll sleep better at night knowing that even if everyone knows you're less popular than all your friends thought you were, at least you're not a fraud... in this regard.

Besides, you know that if you don't, someone else just might do it for you. For no particular reason at all.

63 comments:

  1. "For no particular reason at all."

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  2. "That's a very nice lie you have there, Johnny. Be a shame if something happened to it."

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  3. F. RiedenschneiderAugust 17, 2013 1:00 PM

    "Because the more you look, the less you know!"

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  4. Yeah, Mr. John; if you need help on how to do this just look to the left of the Vox blog; its called 'sitemeter.' And, if you don't know how to make that appear on your opening blog page just email Vox or ask of the Dread Ilk. No one will think less of you; here, at least. quite the contrary.

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  5. There is plausible deniability in the rumors of this retreat? To which 75 layers of (un)conciousness is this non-question being asked? Subtracting the first 75 layers of solipsism and using only Klown language, "close your eyes and feel the music."

    We shall see

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  6. With all the publicity your giving him, he's going to end up with 50K. Everyone's going to check if he posts his numbers.

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  7. Why doesn't Scalzi just say "up to five million served daily"? I mean, if you're gonna lie, make it a big one!

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  8. With all the publicity your giving him, he's going to end up with 50K. Everyone's going to check if he posts his numbers.

    Well, since I don't get that many either, I don't see how that is even possible. You have to keep in mind that the reason I first knew he was full of it was because I know what my numbers are and I get considerably more pageviews than he does.

    And once I knew that, it was only a matter of time before I could confirm it, thanks to my, shall we say, connections.

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  9. You'll sleep better at night knowing that even if everyone knows you're less popular than all your friends thought you were, at least you're not a fraud... in this regard.

    Scalzi doesn't know how to be anything but a fraud in everything he does. There is nothing behind the mask - Scalzi is all chaff and no wheat.

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    Replies
    1. Given the company he keeps, don't you mean "all chaff and no Wheaton?"

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  10. Watch any pre-season so far?

    Ponder still sucks.

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  11. Sleeping better at night implies that Scalzi has a conscience within the normal range. Not sure that assumption has much warrant.

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  12. Theo,

    I am a military fiction writer who has just published a book called The Republic by Jeffrey H. Essary. I met Beau Perez today at a book signing and he told me about your blog. Check out my work on Facebook, barns and Nobel amazon, or my website at www.Jeffessarytherepublic.com. thanks!!

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  13. Hey Jeffrey. Welcome. I will check it out.

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  14. McRapey did a podcast recently and had a question about make-up. He doesn't wear any mind you, not anymore at least, but it's telling that one of his followers thinks he would know a thing or two about it.

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  15. What a tedious chore it is to illustrate the truth but it must be done!!

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  16. @LP;

    Have to remember that tedium to us domesticates is merely the anticipation to pounce for the hunters. They dig on laying the trap so to speak. It's kind of like that intense wide-eyed meditation that cats have.

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  17. Giraffe: Ponder still sucks.

    Yes, but this is a veteran-suck, not a rookie-suck. Unlike T-Jack, who never progressed past rookie-suck, Ponder possesses a more mature, more focused suckage. He now has the experience necessary to fold at the exact moment where it will do the maximum emotional damage to Vikings' fans.

    If he continues to mature,* maybe we can lose to the Packers in the playoffs on a last-minute interception return.

    * I don't think he'll ever reach the lose-the-NFC-title suckage of Favre or Culpepper, much less the lose-the-Super-Bowl suckage mastery of Terkenton. But there's always hope

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  18. My guess is the inevitable McRapey scandal will be that he does eight show a week in a Vegas drag queen review under the alias Fifi Butters.

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  19. He now has the experience necessary to fold at the exact moment where it will do the maximum emotional damage to Vikings' fans.

    That is pure evil. You shut up now. You just shut up!

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  20. Its sad when people try to say how popular they are rather than really being popular. That is a clue for me to read what or who I'm dealing with. I sure am not popular but i hope to be some day but for now, I'm just having fun.

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  21. to fold at the exact moment where it will do the maximum emotional damage to Vikings' fans.

    Right. Maximize the disappointment; failing that, maximize disgust.

    All they need is a mediocre passing game to keep the defense from stacking the box.

    I think Peterson is going to have a year. All the eggs are in his basket. I pray he stays healthy. He should come into the season ready to rock instead of needing some games to get to full speed.

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  22. Giraffe: Maximize the disappointment; failing that, maximize disgust.

    Maximize pain. The essence of a really good Vikings loss is that they have to conclusively demonstrate that they could have won. Getting blown out 41-0 in the playoffs hurts, but it doesn't hurt like losing in overtime when you should have won, when everyone knows you could have won, and when the only thing stopping you was your own coach and quarterback.

    Ponder always had just enough talent to get Vikings fans' hopes up; now he has developed the maturity to deliver the kind of inspired losing that grinds their suffering souls to powder.

    Sorry Vox. I didn't pick them for my team, either. From a very young age, they picked me.

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  23. @El Borak:
    Don't forget Jim Kelly! It takes a special level of sucktacular to choke four SB's in a row, and each one worse than the one before!

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  24. YIH: It takes a special level of sucktacular...

    I would never claim that the Vikings are the sucktacularist team in every category. Surely Kelly losing 4 of 4 trumps Tarkenton losing 3 of 3. And yet. And yet.

    There is a reason that when the Burger King ran that long touchdown on his commercial that he did so with 11 purple helmets bouncing off of him; it would not have mattered if the Vikings cleared the bench except that 11 would have been 58. There is a reason that the records for neither the NFL's longest run from scrimmage nor the longest failed FG return for TD will ever be beaten.

    That reason is that the Minnesota Vikings do not exist to win football games. They exist to deliver emotional pain - at maximum levels over consistent intervals - to their fans. They are not a football team - they are an electrified rat cage into which Minnesotans are born and can never, ever escape.

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  25. That reason is that the Minnesota Vikings do not exist to win football games. They exist to deliver emotional pain - at maximum levels over consistent intervals - to their fans. They are not a football team - they are an electrified rat cage into which Minnesotans are born and can never, ever escape.

    This is why I always find it amusing when people try to hurt me, or hurt my feelings, by posting things on their blog or making nasty comments here. My instinctive reaction is bewilderment.

    I mean, I'm lifelong Vikings fan. I'm nothing but scar tissue and stone inside.

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  26. Hmm... calling your opponent "McRapey" doesn't really bolster your argument at all. It would be possible to lose that and still present your case...

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  27. It's also possible to do those huge water slides without the water.

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  28. I'm nothing but scar tissue and stone inside.

    Skol Vikings.

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  29. STEELERS!

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  30. El Borak makes a toast: Skol Vikings.

    You may not believe me now, but winning it all is not as ecstatic for a fan as you might think. In fact, it is anti-climactic in many ways.

    The triumphant struggle is its own reward. Fans don't actually struggle. They suffer, but as the buddhists say, suffering well is not all that great an accomplishment, every sentient being does it.

    All that glitters is not gold, eh?

    Or, as the famous Irish philosopher O'Bama might say " You didn't win that....."

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  31. "There is a reason that the records for neither the NFL's longest run from scrimmage nor the longest failed FG return for TD will ever be beaten."

    Of course, you forget to mention that the Vikings WON both of those games and that the game where Cromartie returned the missed FG was also the game that All Day set the single game rushing mark.

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  32. zen0: winning it all is not as ecstatic for a fan as you might think.

    Oh, I hear you, bro. I am (twice) graduated from and work at a small Midwestern college that won the NCAA D2 football title 2 years ago.* It was awesome, it was magic. But it was mostly so for the kids I knew who could carry "National Champions" with them the rest of their lives.** I never for a second thought that, as a fan, the win was for me. It was for the kids who won it. It was theirs, those kids who bled and sweated on the field, and if I got to brag about the win to my D2-losing brother in Minnesota, that was just icing. Burn, Pifford, where is SCSU now? Huskies blow.

    But the Vikings are different. They're not good kids with a spot of football in them who will go on to be accountants or social workers after graduation, like my Gorillas are. They're pros. This is what they do. This is all they do. This is what they are paid to do. They are paid to win. Yet they deliver pain, as Heinlein said, "squared, cubed, and loaded with gee juice."

    Still, I believe you. Perhaps winning it all will not prove as cathartic as I have dreamed ever since I was a little tiny Borak trading my bicycle and my 2-for-life Nahak Lodge OA patch for a Carl Eller Fleer card. Perhaps. But the rat does not think about the scary, wild, feral future that faces him in the world outside his cage. He just wants - no, he needs in the depths of his soul - to taste freedom, to taste victory. Perhaps it's bland. But the experience of bland still trumps the theory of bland.

    * and in '57 and '61 (NAIA) and '91, but who's counting?
    ** "...and greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man." - Jimmy McGinty

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  33. El Borak continues:

    Perhaps winning it all will not prove as cathartic as I have dreamed ever since I was a little tiny Borak trading my bicycle and my 2-for-life Nahak Lodge OA patch for a Carl Eller Fleer card.

    You are particulary eloquent tonight, El Borak.

    If catharsis is the relief of not knowing what it is like to be a fan of those who win it all, then a catharsis it will be, and yet, it feels more like the lifting of a temporary curse of some kind, bringing a simple cool relief, like a cold drink on a hot day, that fades quickly as the eventide descends.

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  34. "Dave in St. Louis"

    Surely you jest. Or mock. For example, in 2003 the Vikings lost to four 4-12 teams one year. In the last game of the season, while their playoff hopes rested on beating the worst team in the league, they let the 4-12 Cardinals (f/k/a St. Louis Cardinals) come back from a 10+point deficit with less than a minute remaining. "The Cardinals have knocked the Vikings out of the playoffs," Paul Allen famously said.

    Had the Vikings beaten the four worst teams in the league, instead of losing to all of them, they would have had home field advantage throughout the playoffs. As it was, they beat enough good teams to earn a playoff berth but went 0-4 against the four worst teams they played, topped off by a last-second TD following a successful onside kick, with :18 left in the season.

    That is pain, Dave. I pray you never know it.

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  35. That is pain, Dave. I pray you never know it.

    One would have to wonder if the land itself was cursed.

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  36. "The Cardinals have knocked the Vikings out of the playoffs," Paul Allen famously said.

    Even more painful?

    Vikes win, they win the Division and knock the Packers out of the playoffs.

    When McCown threw that TD to Pool, Green Bay had just won their game and the entire crowd of cheeseheads at Lambeau Field and the team was watching the outcome of AZ/MN to see if they were gonna make it into the playoffs or not.

    As I sat on my bar stool and saw the Vikes playoff hopes and Division title go up in smoke, the TV station cut to Lambeau field showing the Green Bay Packers and the entire stadium going crazy.

    I was the lone Viking fan amongst a crowd of Packer fans going nuts.

    Scarred for life.

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  37. "That is pain, Dave. I pray you never know it."

    Excuse me? I've been a Vikings fan for a long, long time. Gary Cuozzo was the QB when I started rooting for the Vikings. I endured the 1972 game when they should have derailed the perfect season. I endured the last three Super Bowls. I endured the subsequent NFC Conference title losses. I watched front row in the Dome here in St. Louis when they threw away a half time lead against the Rams, getting beer sprayed on me at half by my fellow St. Louisians who were rooting for the carpetbagging Rams. I personally froze my feet off at Soldier Field when they choked away Home Field Advantage on a cold Monday Night against the lowly Bears - and still think they would have won over the Saints in Minnesota and won over the Colts in the subsequent Super Bowl.

    And the less we say about Les Steckel, the better.

    I'll SEE your pain and raise you a WHOLE 'nother level.

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  38. "That is pain, Dave. I pray you never know it."

    Pain?

    YOu think you know pain son?

    There are some Bills fans that would like a word with you.

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  39. I'll SEE your pain and raise you a WHOLE 'nother level.

    No, I hear you, bro. You are true Purple. There is no other level to which one might raise.

    The Bears game: oh, that is the proof, the pain. I stand in awe that you were there to witness the greatness that was Brad Childress Omigodus. the score is 27-28, but the Vikings have the momentum. They have scored 2 touchdowns in seconds rather than minutes. The Bears are on their heels, they are confused, even panicked. The men in purple line up 6 feet from 29-28 victory, 2 yards from home field advantage throughout the playoffs. In their backfield are Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor, each of whom has covered those two yards hundred of times. They are the best running tandem in football.

    But Childress Omigodus has the final call. "No," he says. "We shall not march forward to decisive victory. We will instead go into overtime." An overtime that resulted in playing in NO in the first place. And again in NO, an overtime that cost the Vikings everything.

    Please forgive me for doubting you. You, sir, grok the pain - it is written on your very soul. Like Josey Wales to Ten Bears, I slice my palm and offer it to you in peace. "I'm just saying that men can live together without butchering one another..."

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  40. I mean honestly Vikings fans... Have you ever lost 3 super bowls in a row? Some of the by historic margins?

    Ever seen the Music City Miracle?

    How ya reckon that felt? knowing you were gonna relive that pain on every NFL highlight for the next 20 years?

    Please.

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  41. How ya reckon that felt? knowing you were gonna relive that pain on every NFL highlight for the next 20 years?

    Please.


    Almost as bad as Dyson stretching out as he got tackled one yard short of the end zone as time expired....

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  42. "Almost as bad as Dyson stretching out as he got tackled one yard short of the end zone as time expired...."

    Actually no. That really didn't hurt at all. Your team going down while fighting like hell in what many people think is one of the 4 or 5 best super bowls ever... there's no shame or pain in that.

    I was proud as hell of them.

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  43. Pain was the next year... when they dominated the whole NFL and finished 13-3... then totally outplayed the ravens the whole game... but still lost because they couldn't hit field goals.

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  44. Nate: I mean honestly Vikings fans...

    Nate, as much as I respect you and the FailBoat that is the Buffalo Bills, you're out of your league here. Yes, the Bills has a brief, painful run as losers du jure. No one denies it. In fact, pretty much everyone enjoyed it. I know I did.

    Still, while the Bills have been the top losers for a day, they have almost always been a lost cause. For most of their history, they have sucked. A sucky team losing hurts no one, especially when the best they can hope for is "sucks less."

    But a team with real potential, one that is perpetually one position from making it*, is a tragedy and a virtual wading pool of martyrs.

    Plus, 9mm is plenty, so I predictably must oppose your bigotry. On principle, of course.

    * Herschel Walker, I choose you!

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  45. I am getting the distinct impression that McRapey's entertainment value has run its course, now that NFL is cranking up.

    I still intend to boycott October, only this time I mean to carry it out.

    A man has to stop talking and start acting, sometimes. I bet John Wayne said something along those lines.

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  46. "Ever seen the Music City Miracle?

    How ya reckon that felt? knowing you were gonna relive that pain on every NFL highlight for the next 20 years?

    Please."

    That is nothing like seeing Drew Pearson push off again and again and again and...

    For nearly 40 Years now.

    They didn't just name that Play. They named the whole genre of that kind of play after that one - The Hail Mary.

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  47. I still intend to boycott October

    And oddly, that's the one time the NFL holds any interest for Scalzi.
    He probably already has the dress picked out.
    With matching pink heels.
    No, but seriously, what the Hell is happening?
    NFL's gone soft and pink, college football is beleaguered under the idiotic administration of the NCAA, even hockey players don't hardly fight anymore.
    Bunch of damn candy-asses.
    And as for pain?
    Grow up a Chargers fan in a house full of Raiders fan.
    Stereotypical Raiders fans.
    During the 80s.
    That's pain, boys...

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  48. "That is nothing like seeing Drew Pearson push off again and again and again and...

    For nearly 40 Years now."

    Dude you're the only ones that even remember that play.

    Your futility is miniscule compared to the Bills.

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  49. For years I didn't know what that thing was on the side of the Vikings helmets. I thought it was like a comet or something.

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  50. Tom Richmond: "Hmm... calling your opponent "McRapey" doesn't really bolster your argument at all. It would be possible to lose that and still present your case..."

    That's like saying "You know, it's possible to enjoy ice cream without putting chocolate sauce and sprinkles on it."

    Sure, it's possible. But it's not as much fun.

    ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

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  51. "Dude you're the only ones that even remember that play."

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_Mary_pass

    It is the trope namer as it were.

    And then there was this - http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/specials/remember-when/football/25things.html

    "25. ALCOA PRESENTS … FANTASTIC FINISHES:
    The words immediately grabbed your attention at the tail end of an NFL broadcast in the 1980s. Upon the two-minute warning of the fourth quarter, Harry Kalas' unmistakable voice announced the coming of that day's “FAN-tastic finish.” Then, Kalas' deep-throated voice detailed harrowing escapes from impossible situations. Roger Staubach's Hail Mary pass to Drew Pearson against the Vikings in 1975 was on regular rotation, as was Franco Harris' Immaculate Reception and Steve Bartkowski leading the Falcons to a huge fourth-quarter comeback against the Packers. The Alcoa commercials came before ESPN Classic, HBO Sports, the NFL Network and the Internet, during the days when sports fans were not numb to dramatic, game-winning plays because they didn't come at us on a daily basis."

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  52. Since Blogger won't let me delete blogs from my feed, I still see the headers for Scalzi's blog. He seems to be developing a creepy relationship with his daughter, it bothers me.

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  53. And... Dolphins QB tries to pull a Tebow run... fumbles... and the Texans grab it.

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  54. Only men in dresses fear madwomen :(

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  55. McRapey Retreats? Perhaps utter and complete surrender is more apt?

    Madwomen do not throw themselves at the feet of a king because they fear men in dresses, they seek refuge because they fear the other mad women. That has been the missing truth all along. The world will be a better place having learned it.

    A comic tragedy of circular logic. When in the process of proving you are not a a man in a dress..you prove you really are a man in a dress. The mad women rule you.

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  56. Pain and anguish is when the network carrying a nailbiter SB game cuts away from said game at the 3 minutes mark and runs Heidi instead. Said network never lived that down.

    The screaming was epic in scope.

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  57. Apparently, business is so spiffy in Scalzi-land that he needs to shill ad-space on his blog. Either that, or he has an Oprah complex and thinks just because an author meets his approved criteria he can give their career a boost (and take a cut of the profits) by promoting them on his blog.

    That man-boobed Ampersand did the same a few years back, only with his 'talent' as an illustrator/graphic artist.

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  58. Over two decades later, you can walk into any sports bar in Buffalo, utter two words and make grown men weep. Those words? "Wide right"

    As for the Music City Miracle, the Flutie-Johnson debate is alive and well in Buffalo and always will be.

    Vikings fans know pain. They bury it in the deepest recesses of their scarred and frozen souls. They use it as fuel for the next season. And the next. And the next.

    Bills fans live pain. They know, to their bones, to their very core, they know that the next play will probably end the promising rookie's career. They know that when simply running a routine play will clinch a victory, something will go horribly wrong. They put a brave face on this knowledge, they cheer, they even hope...and that's the worst. Even when the light of hope shines on the surface, you can see the dark knowledge of defeat snatched from the jaws of victory moving just under the surface like a shark circling and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. And the fans go back into the water every year. Hope lures them back even as the dark knowledge reveals the fate that awaits them.

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  59. This place is both very cruel and very kind, like the truth. It is good.

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  60. "Pain and anguish is when the network carrying a nailbiter SB game cuts away from said game at the 3 minutes mark and runs Heidi instead. Said network never lived that down."

    Never happened.

    The Heidi Game was a November 17 regular season matchup between the Jets and the Raiders.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidi_Game

    They would never have cut away from the SB.

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  61. whois scalzi.com

    /my reaction: 0_o

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