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Friday, November 28, 2014

Star Wars 2015

I haven't paid any attention whatsoever to the Star Wars universe since seeing what was called Episode I. Not the games, not the movies, not the animated LEGO cartoons, nothing. So, I'll have to wait and see what the verdict is on this Episode VII before I even think about bothering to see it. It would be nice to think that Disney isn't going to make an even bigger fiasco of the franchise than George Lucas did, but I'm not particularly optimistic. Let's face it, Disney movies all have one basic theme these days: the supreme importance of being yourself.

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271 Comments:

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Blogger Brad Andrews November 28, 2014 6:27 PM  

The trailer seemed rather worthless to me.

OpenID luagha November 28, 2014 6:32 PM  

'Trust your feelings.'

No, feelings are not what you should trust.

I know a guy, who after years of abuse/bad relationships/therapy now knows: If he meets someone and is instantly attracted to them, run away fast. They are a psychopath. He can spot them like magic. His 'feelings' send him wrong every time.

Well, I guess he can trust them to steer him wrong at least....

Anonymous Tallahassee November 28, 2014 6:32 PM  

You've missed out by not watching Clone Wars and Rebels (so far)

Blogger Iowahine November 28, 2014 6:33 PM  

Yesterday, my father-in-law (84 and a retired baptist minister, in the south, no less) told me he had read a book to 70 first-graders the day before Thanksgiving (the theme of which wasn't Thanksgiving). He told me he then asked the kids to share something for which they were thankful. After their replies, he enlightened them that there was one thing for which they should each be thankful, but none had named: themselves. I was speechless.

I mostly regret that when he asked me brightly, "What important things are you involved with these days?" i didn't say, "Your son."

Really big fail on my part.

Anonymous kh123 November 28, 2014 6:33 PM  

Perfunctory tracking shot with anything that's CG and moves. The "two-things-that-you-don't-expect-together!" for opening scene. Crucifix symbolism associated with forces of darkness.

Sh'ma Hollywood, etc.

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 6:40 PM  

X-wings *and* TIE fighters are back? Schwing!

Anonymous MrGreenMan November 28, 2014 6:41 PM  

The only lesson of importance from Star Wars:

When a traitor is sitting, beaten, shattered, presumed dead, after having just caused you major damage - do not leave him there and assume he'll die. Cut off his head and carry it home with you.

Anonymous trk November 28, 2014 6:42 PM  

The opening scene must have been an homage to Spaceballs. A black storm trooper combing the desert. "We haven't found sheeeet"

Anonymous kh123 November 28, 2014 6:42 PM  

...Thing is, Abrams is supposed to be big on the film stylings of late 70's/early 80's, Spielberg's heyday. Hence, Super 8, what with the attempts at natural lighting, lens flares, all the raw technical camera and film aspects that characterized that time. There was talk that he (Abrams) forewent shooting digital for Star Wars and opted instead for traditional filmstock to do all of the CG compositing over. Which most folks in the vis-efx industry said was essentially worthless, since it'd be the same series of effects - the same look - with that much more work involved for the folks on the ground, and with very little visual payoff.

So far, they seem proven correct.

Anonymous kh123 November 28, 2014 6:48 PM  

"The opening scene must have been an homage to Spaceballs."

Good catch; hadn't thought about that.

This guy's whole career's really rounding down to nothing more than a nostalgia jerkoff.

Anonymous Tinker's Bell November 28, 2014 6:50 PM  

Let's face it, Disney movies all have one basic theme these days: the supreme importance of being yourself.

No, no, no, you haven't gotten the true message from Disney moovies in the last 15 - 20 years.

The surpreme importance is this: You've got to believe in yourself!

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 6:54 PM  

1st - that Stormtrooper is one jacked up clone.
2nd - Using lightsaber technology to create a cross-guard is an incredibly bad idea unless the Sith are looking to get revenge on their own thumbs.
3rd - If that's a plucky little girl on the iPod racer, I'm out.

Star Wars is about one thing and one thing only: teenage boys kicking ass and kissing sisters. No teenage boy? No Star Wars.

Anonymous VD November 28, 2014 6:55 PM  

The surpreme importance is this: You've got to believe in yourself!

I defer to the experts. I don't actually watch them, I sort of pick them up through osmosis via the children and their friends.

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 6:57 PM  

No teenage boy? No Star Wars.

Mannequin Skywalker from the prequels pissed all over this theory.

Blogger Jim November 28, 2014 7:01 PM  

At least the cinematography isn't as flat and lifeless and the CGI doesn't look as cartoony. Points off for the light saber guard. My SW-obsessed roommate in college came up with better.

Anonymous MendoScot November 28, 2014 7:02 PM  

So...
Rebellious negro ex-stormtrooper
Wall-E type robot
Sith with a crucifix-shaped lightsabre
Alice (RE) on an air-motorbike
Red leader...
Millenium Falcon! But who is driving?

Where have I seen any of the above?

All I can hope for is that they don't totally mess up Hobbit III.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 7:03 PM  

Mannequin Skywalker from the prequels pissed all over this theory.

No, he didn't. He was 9 in Phantom Menace and 20 in Attack of the Clones. The prequels specifically avoided having a teenage boy as a central adventurer. Even if he acted like a teenager, it was only as a teenage girl anyhow.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 7:09 PM  

Vox... if you didn't get a nostalgic twinge seeing those xwings cruising along the water... then you're dead.

Anonymous Porphryry November 28, 2014 7:13 PM  

I loved clone wars the show, the movie not so much. pretend PG with a dark underbelly. Haven't seen rebels. On the trailer the first thing I thought was that that cross guard would probably have some culinary uses but other than that not so much.

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 7:14 PM  

Even if he acted like a teenager, it was only as a teenage girl anyhow.

You, sir, win the internets!

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 7:16 PM  

Also kids... the storm troopers aren't clones at this point in the story. This takes place like 30 years after the events of Return of the Jedi.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 7:18 PM  

And seriously... Lightsaber crusifix? This is why I loathe the christian ghetto. It makes people say stupid things like this...

I swear the next thing you know you people will be ranting about satanic monster energy symbols.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 7:18 PM  

Nate-- yes, Abrams has a big task to take the nostalga and not ruin it. He basically broke Star Trek, but I suspect that it's owners wanted it broken. Instead of being a steady franchise that could be milked every 2-3 years, he rebooted it as a blockbuster franchise.

I think that Disney has a long-term perspective on it, much like Marvel, which means to do it well enough and expansively enough that it can continue for the next 20+ years, 10+ more movies, spin-offs, TV shows, etc.

The reason the trailer was so bad is because the movie isn't even done principal photography yet. It's largely CGI in the trailer because there isn't anything else.

Anyways, word from the set seems to be that effects are not all CGI, and the script is at least coherent. The 2nd set of movies were not plot coherent, and they spend a lot of time trying to fix Lucas's original screwups, when they should have just written new material.

The best part is that they are set after the timeline of the 1st movie series. For years, the entire Star Wars spin-off world has done backflips to get around the whole "no Jedi for a long time" problem, and they've mostly done it by having lots of Jedi in hiding, in robots, and other assorted gimmicks. This was and is a huge Lucas' screw up from a storytelling perspective.

The best part of Disney being involved is that they can fix the story problems and tell everyone who objects to go to hell, something Lucas never had the balls to do, and I suspect no one who Lucas trusted ever had the balls to tell him to do.

Anonymous kh123 November 28, 2014 7:20 PM  

Jabba will have his harem. To.

Anonymous paradox November 28, 2014 7:22 PM  

Vox... if you didn't get a nostalgic twinge seeing those xwings cruising along the water... then you're dead.

Nate's correct... that moment was effing fantastic! At that moment, I let out a hell yell, my children couldn't understand my excitement at seeing x-wings.

Blogger Mekadave November 28, 2014 7:23 PM  

Yes, the prequels sucked some serious ass. Lucas lost his touch long ago and I was happy to hear he sold it to Disney. Figured it had to be a step up. At least Disney cares about their products having high production values.

That all said, that trailer pushed all of my good buttons. I can't freaking wait for Dec 2015.

Anonymous K. W. Jeter November 28, 2014 7:25 PM  

"I don't actually watch them, I sort of pick them up through osmosis"

I wrote three SW franchise novels, and I didn't watch any of the movies after the first couple. Why would I need to?

Anonymous paradox November 28, 2014 7:26 PM  

Nate

Also kids... the storm troopers aren't clones at this point in the story. This takes place like 30 years after the events of Return of the Jedi.


Even the stormtroopers ranks weren't entirely clones... they we're phased out after the clone wars and replaced with regular recruits.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 7:27 PM  

Yeah, buttons pushed. A little lame that we got perhaps 5 second of actual footage in 90 seconds of "trailer". But still.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 7:29 PM  

Trailer looks like a fan-film, except for maybe the Stormtroopers, who appear to be in an entirely different movie.

You've missed out by not watching Clone Wars and Rebels (so far)

Clone Wars was largely ruined by the teenage alien girl Jedi not dying for the sake of pathos early on, but instead being kept around as some sort of (absurdly overpowered) writers' pet. Force powers or not, there's no reasonable excuse for her being able to hang with full-grown murder-machines like Obi-Wan, Anakin, Grievous, the Lee Van Cleef-like alien bounty hunter or the Mandalorian leader, let alone beat them in a fight.

As for Rebels, no... just no, unless you like your protagonists SJW-approved and your Imperials even more brain-dead than usual.

Blogger SirHamster November 28, 2014 7:30 PM  

No love for the soccer droid at 0:30, VD?

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 7:33 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous JN November 28, 2014 7:34 PM  

The music still gives me chills.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 7:35 PM  

The problem's didn't start with Phantom Menace, they started with Return of the Jedi.

Sometime after Empire's release date Lucas suddenly convinced himself he was the fucking Tolkien of science fiction. It destroyed him as story teller.

Jedi sucked pure and simple.

One: The plot was retread of the first movie, Lucas couldn't come up with anything better than lets blow up the DeathStar again...only better this time. This foreshadowed Lucas' constant tinkering to come.

Two: Luke and Leia are now siblings. This was bluntly, lazy on Lucas' part. Like I said he thinks he's Tolkien and that all these things were plotted out ahead of time and we all know he's lying. The twins thing was a last minute addition to simplify Leia's lovelife. Or did anyone forget the tonsil massage she gave her "brother" in Empire.

Three. You can take muppets out of Henson Studios but you can't take Henson Studios out of the Muppet. I was half expecting to see Kermit and Piggy in Jabba's palace.

Four: The stormtroopers, who were the fearless assault commandos of the Empire were suddenly reduced to comic relief Easily tricked and quick to surrender. Which brings to....

Five: The FUCKING EWOKS! The word "Ewok" was not once mentioned in the Return of the Jedi. Lucas was always commercial but Ewoks were the point that he turned into a complete sell out. Those cutified Wookies made Lucas a whore of himself.

Plus side: Yeah a few. Palpatine's arrival was good. Vader's killing the emperor worked. And let's face it the slave bikini has stood the test of time

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 7:37 PM  

Thinking about this more, another reason to dislike Clone Wars would be that, so far as I'm aware, not only were there very few female antagonists (and of those maybe only one or two weren't either given some sort of excuse for or redemption from their villainy), but the series as a whole constantly utilised a formula of virtuous-female-leader-sabotaged-by-conniving-male-associate, starting with Padme/Palpatine for the Republic as a whole and working down from there.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 7:37 PM  

Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.

Yes.

All of them.

Anonymous paradox November 28, 2014 7:39 PM  

I really thought the new stromtrooper look would suck... but it works very well.

OpenID simplytimothy November 28, 2014 7:39 PM  

Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.

Yes.

All of them.


(grabs popcorn)

Blogger Penrose November 28, 2014 7:42 PM  

Is the protagonist really really female? I won't watch it if it is. How stupid can they can be?

OpenID simplytimothy November 28, 2014 7:43 PM  

No love for the soccer droid at 0:30, VD?

That black dude in the opening shot looked like Pele...

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 7:43 PM  

Star Trek 1-3 rock and any who believe differently sucks. Oh, and I am Kirok!

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 7:44 PM  

@Cataline Sergius:

In the same vein as Luke and Leia being siblings, you have Lucas writing Boba Fett out of the story in the most ridiculous way possible because he just had to have everything tied up in a neat little bow.

Also:

You can take muppets out of Henson Studios but you can't take Henson Studios out of the Muppet. I was half expecting to see Kermit and Piggy in Jabba's palace.

Apparently, on the first day of shooting on the Dagobah set, Frank Oz showed up with the Miss Piggy puppet instead of Yoda as a prank.

Anonymous paradox November 28, 2014 7:44 PM  



Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.


Well... it's hard to make an entertaining movie from what amounts to social justice space warriors.

Blogger Jim November 28, 2014 7:45 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous Porphyry November 28, 2014 7:46 PM  

"constantly utilised a formula of virtuous-female-leader-sabotaged-by-conniving-male-associate, starting with Padme/Palpatine for the Republic as a whole and working down from there." Ok I didn't actually like the story arc. TV shows never really give good story arcs anyway with a few exceptions. I mostly just liked it for art style and the occasional piece of good dialogue and throwbacks.

Blogger Jim November 28, 2014 7:46 PM  

Clone Wars was largely ruined by the teenage alien girl Jedi not dying for the sake of pathos early on, but instead being kept around as some sort of (absurdly overpowered) writers' pet.

First, I'd say "Wrong Clone Wars."

But on the subject of Asoka, it would be worth it if we can eventually get the payoff of a confrontation between her and Vader. Unfortunately, I believe the removal of Asoka from that environment before Anakin's fall has more to do with wanting to avoid that outcome entirely, rather than saving it for later.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 7:48 PM  

"(grabs popcorn)"

I was 8 years old when The Wrath of Khan came out. I saw it at a drive-in movie theater and was bored out of my mind the whole time.

Star Trek is only good when the Enterprise is kicking ass and taking names. They really don't get that in the movie world.

Anonymous Steve November 28, 2014 7:55 PM  

I liked Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I was ill when I saw it and doped up on morphine, so that may have coloured my perceptions. I found its slow paced plot and colourful rainbow effects rather soothing.

The Wrath of Khan was great.

Search for Spock was mediocre.

The Voyage Home was campy fun.

The Final Frontier was dire.

Undiscovered Country was fun and silly and not afraid to notice that its stars were getting old.

All of the Next Generation movies were garbage. Even that supposedly good one with the weird BDSM borg queen and the farmer from Babe.

The first JJ Abrams film was quite good, not a masterpiece by any description, but amusing enough with likeable actors and some good action scenes. I had high hopes for the second one.

Unfortunately Into Darkness revealed that Mr Abrams is not, in fact, the second coming of Steven Spielberg. He's just a hack. It could've been a Brett Ratner or Michael Bay production.

His film Super 8, which was supposed to be a homage to E.T. but came across as a more cynical version of Mac and Me, should've set off alarm bells. I don't care how much money that film made, it was awful.

Logic clearly dictates that the new Star Wars films will run that franchise into the ground in short order.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 7:56 PM  

@Porphyry:

Ok I didn't actually like the story arc. TV shows never really give good story arcs anyway with a few exceptions. I mostly just liked it for art style and the occasional piece of good dialogue and throwbacks.

Fair enough. I'll admit to enjoying the series' depiction of Mandalorians as orderly Aryan Cubists with vague Nazi undertones, in contrast with the anarchistic Kiwi-Gurkha tribals from the Karen Traviss books.

@Jim:

First, I'd say "Wrong Clone Wars."

Ah, I see.

But on the subject of Asoka, it would be worth it if we can eventually get the payoff of a confrontation between her and Vader.

Depends on how effortlessly Vader gets to kill her.

Anonymous Too-Soon-ami November 28, 2014 7:58 PM  

Cataline, there was no hope for Jedi, once the title was changed from Revenge to Return.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 8:14 PM  

Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.

The point being, it used to suck, but be a long-term cash machine. Shows, Mini-Series, Movies, repeat.

Now it's another blockbuster franchise, with $200M+ releases, but it will be ruined in maybe 3 or 4 installments.

It's just another vulture company sucking the money out right now. Star Trek was ageless. Instead of simply moving the story forward, they had to go break the whole story, "reboot" it, cast new actors as old people, and be stupidly meta upon meta upon meta.

I like whats happening with Star Wars because Disney seems intent on telling a new story in a familiar place. I can support that. (Doesn't mean the new story will be good).

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 8:14 PM  

The prequels biggest problem was structural.

The thing about the prequel is that you don't really want to hear the part of the story, that takes place before the story proper.

You only think you do.

There is no drama to speak of. You know Anakin goes bad. You know Padme is going to die (*true, I didn't think her death was going to be that fucking stupid. I got to admit it, Lucas surprised me there.*) You know who Darth Sidious really is. You know Obi-Wan and Yoda are going to live.

No uncertainty, equals no drama.

Anonymous BioShock Jock November 28, 2014 8:21 PM  

I think it looks pretty good overall. Way better than the piss poor Lucas prequels.

Anonymous Steve November 28, 2014 8:23 PM  

I liked it when 82 year old Christopher Lee fought CGI Yoda. That made me laugh.

Anonymous VD November 28, 2014 8:26 PM  

This Slashdot comment cracked me up: It would be the greatest act of trolling in history if he popped on screen early into the movie yelling "Surprise! Yousa think meesa not in this movie! Yousa wrong! Hahahahaha!" and then there was a long Bollywood-style dance scene with dozens of Jar Jars singing and dancing on screen XD

I would pay 10x the normal ticket price just to see the expressions on everyone's faces in the theater when that happened.

Anonymous patrick kelly November 28, 2014 8:27 PM  

They're f'n movies, entertainment, mean't for kids.

My dad took me to see the 1st SW movie in the 70's with my younger siblings. As a teenager I thought, ok for a kids movie...but I did enjoy it.....and watched all the others....as entertainment....in a dark theater, far far away....
yawn...

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 8:28 PM  

Credit where credit is due. Some Passing Good Knights:

http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2014/11/armed-black-ferguson-residents-protect-white-owned-business-during-riots/

Blogger Northern Hamlet November 28, 2014 8:29 PM  

Nate,

I swear the next thing you know you people will be ranting about satanic monster energy symbols.

But seriously, come on, that cross-saber looked pretty lame. Wtf's the point?

Granted the x-wing did give tingles.

Anonymous Steve November 28, 2014 8:29 PM  

And on the subject of prequels, where does New Line go after their Hobbit cash grab?

The Silmarillion, in sixteen parts?

The New Adventures of Tom Bombadil?

A gritty reboot of the Middle Earth franchise for HBO, focusing on the personal dramas of Rosie Cotton, Ted Sandyman, and the Sackville-Bagginses, titled Shire?

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 8:30 PM  

Let's not forget we just had the 36th anniversary of the Star Wars Holiday Special!

Featuring all the beloved characters you only ever saw once and that was fucking it. Yes, Itchy, Lumpy and Mala are all there for your...I don't know...amusement maybe? As well as Art Carney, Harvey Kormon and Beatrice Arthur, (*Carol Burnett must have passed*).

It preempted Wonder Woman and at that point in my life, that was no minor offense.

But as Mike Nelson says in the clip, "it's not everyday you see the stupidest thing, you've ever seen in your life." It also has some truly awesome 1970s commercials.

Anonymous Wyrd November 28, 2014 8:33 PM  

But seriously, come on, that cross-saber looked pretty lame. Wtf's the point?

Bullshit!! It looks like a lightsaber modelled after a bastard sword to me! Hell yeah!

Anonymous Smokey November 28, 2014 8:35 PM  

Thinking about this more, another reason to dislike Clone Wars would be that, so far as I'm aware, not only were there very few female antagonists (and of those maybe only one or two weren't either given some sort of excuse for or redemption from their villainy), but the series as a whole constantly utilised a formula of virtuous-female-leader-sabotaged-by-conniving-male-associate, starting with Padme/Palpatine for the Republic as a whole and working down from there.

No surprise there. If she's a hot female antagonist, gamma writers will strive to give her a sob-story past to justify here getting redeemed and falling for the pushover gamma "gentleman", and if she's ugly, if you make her evil, SJWs will pounce on you for pushing the "ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside" moral. Which, as we all know, never happens, and fat, ugly, bitc...er, sorry, "sassy" dykes are the apex of moral virtue.

I don't think I've seen a single story with a hot female antagonist where she didn't have some sort of forced "sexual tension" with a gamma protagonist or "fell in love" with him, instead of being repulsed and telling him to go fuck himself, as would be the case in real life.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 8:36 PM  

Also kids... the storm troopers aren't clones at this point in the story.

I know man but what was I gonna say, "Aren't you a little black to be a stormtrooper?"

Anonymous Smokey November 28, 2014 8:39 PM  

Also, the trailer sucked. As someone else mentioned, it looks like a fan production, and I'm fucking tired of Empire vs. Rebels, Round 57143. That shit ruined the EU because the writers couldn't let go of their nostalgia. X-Wings, TIE Fighters...yawn. At least the prequels, for all their suckitude, were NEW. Aside from Anakin, Yoda, Obi-Wan and Sidious, it was truly like a brand new era, that still looked like, well, Star Wars.

This, by comparison, looks like the old trilogy, but with shinier special effects. Too much nostalgia. It's going to kill the franchise. The Empire is dead. Get used to it. Don't try and bring it back over and over for old times' sake.

Anonymous Roundtine November 28, 2014 8:41 PM  

I would pay 10x the normal ticket price just to see the expressions on everyone's faces in the theater when that happened.

It would be even funnier, a bigger meta troll on complaints of Lucas' crypto-racism, if the black stormtrooper said that.

Blogger GF Dad November 28, 2014 8:42 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous Rhys November 28, 2014 8:42 PM  

@ Too-Soon-ami: Revenge of the Jedi would have been better if it was darker. Here's ow I see it:

Luke, who is fucking Leia, rescues Han and then loses his woman. He is filled with rage, just like his father, and slowly starts down the dark path.
When the emperor sets his trap for the rebels Luke betrays Han and the raiding party when he turns himself in. Han and Leia get unexpected help from some aliens that are ten foot tall and vicious killers (because ewoks suck).
The end plays at much the same as in the original movie with Luke realizing how far down the dark path he has come and not wanting to be his father. The emperor tries to kill him, Vader kills the emperor and then dies.
Leia and Han are together (and she isn't Luke's sister) and while everyone else has a happy ending Luke's is bittersweet and he flies away into the dark by himself

Anonymous Smokey November 28, 2014 8:44 PM  

Also, young female who's likely a "just as good as the boys", boring-as-shit, Mary Sue, stupid soccer droid which seems to be again a "for the kids!", Jar Jar Binks-esque nightmare, and that insanely retarded looking lightsaber.

Yeah, I'll give it a C. And that's being generous.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 8:46 PM  

Tatooine? Why do we have to go back to Tatooine?

Damn straight. For one of the most remote and irrelevant locales in the galaxy, it sure gets a lot of attention. It be like if the American Revolution had been fought in Omaha.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 8:46 PM  

@GF Dad

What's not to love about Tatooine?

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 8:47 PM  

"But seriously, come on, that cross-saber looked pretty lame. Wtf's the point? "

Dude. No. It did not look lame. It looked freakin' amazing. Its cool as hell. And the vast majority of people who see the trailer are reacting the same way.

Blogger GF Dad November 28, 2014 8:50 PM  

See Daniel's comment above. Galaxy's are huge - why is this one, stinking little desert planet that significant? Oh, yeah, right - because midi-chloriana.

Anonymous pseudotsuga November 28, 2014 8:50 PM  

cross-hilt light saber = LAME. Why would you need those two extra pointy bits other than Fangasms? They are very impractical--why would anybody ever come to that close of range? Nobody blocks with that part of the "blade" anyway...

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 8:51 PM  

OT: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/11/28/shia-labeouf-i-was-raped/19608751/

IF this was only California, and not NYC, there would be a rock solid case for rape, since each step of the act was not particularly and unambiguously consented.

Blogger GF Dad November 28, 2014 8:51 PM  

But it looks like they could be used to solder copper pipe.

Anonymous Trimegistus November 28, 2014 8:53 PM  

So . . . despite the passage of 20-30 years we've still got Rebels (Republic?) fighting Empire on Tatooine. But don't worry, a black guy will save the Galaxy! Because that's what black guys do!

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 8:54 PM  

Midi-bullshit. They made a weird, awesome, ancient power the result of Jedi-AIDS. There was no reason to explain it. None at all.

It also broke whole plot lines. If they can test for the Jedi-AIDS, and it's a straight scale, why test the candidates with telepathy? It's like asking you to lift weights to determine your blood's iron content. Makes no sense.

It is possible that nothing short of calling the second series plus ROJ non-canonical can save the story lines.

Anonymous Ridip November 28, 2014 8:55 PM  

I saw a black Spaceballish trooper, a child's robot's ode to a soccer ball and a chick straddling a scooter all before anything slightly masculine showed up. That all screamed libprog infection and you don't cure that with a couple shots of X-Wing penicillin.

What a shame. I'll be on the sidelines awaiting the scouting reports before signing up for this franchise.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 8:57 PM  

Nobody blocks with that part of the "blade" anyway...

No, actually you do in broad sword fighting.

Besides they need to give the audience something new rather than the same old kendo/escrima stuff they've been doing for a while.

Blogger Northern Hamlet November 28, 2014 9:00 PM  

VD,

Not sure if you missed it yesterday, but the Macy's day parade had a "girls love gaming" on TV spot.

Blogger Mekadave November 28, 2014 9:02 PM  

The Clone Wars cartoon did have Asajj Ventress as a female antagonist. (She gets bonus points for dual-wielding sabers, IMO).

I preferred the original Clone Wars micro-series where each episode was about 5-10 minutes long, made by Genndy Tartakovsky's studio. Now THAT was some storytelling. The Mace Windu combat episode even had no dialogue and still told a better story than all of the prequels.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 9:04 PM  

Dude. No. It did not look lame.

You know what it doesn't look like though?

Old.

If you look at the old trailer for the first movie one of the weird things that stood out was how grungy and industrial everything was. Remember how Luke's lightsaber was in some trunk with a bunch of old crap? How the Falcon didn't look pretty despite its modifications for speed? How dirty everything was on Tatooine?

I mean, they got caught in a garbage compacter. The Wookie smelled. The robots needed tons of maintenance and broke down anyhow. The jawas were scavengers. The heroes were a thief, a hick, a delusional hermit, an animal, a bitch and two crappy robots.

Star Wars was the first and only custodian's closet set in space.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 9:04 PM  

C.S.

I am desperately hoping they dial the sword-play back to the level of the movies in the first two installments. The last ones were so over the top that it's just weird. The entire weaponry mix is out of whack. Blasters are at times excellent, and at times "clumsy". They alternative wound, or kill instantly. Sometimes they bounce off solid surfaces, sometimes they melt solid surfaces, sometimes they blow holes in it.

Light sabers are at times tied to the power of the Jedi, and at times not. Basic physics are suspended, or oddly enforced, or more or less accurate.

Anonymous TroperA November 28, 2014 9:04 PM  

Cataline Sergius, you hit the nail on the head. The prequels didn't work because the prequels were never meant to exist. The numbering scheme of the franchise (with the first movie labelled "Episode IV" ) was nothing more than a gimmick to make it seem like the viewer was tuning into a long running movie adventure serial. Lucas may have said that he'd planned on making Episodes 1-3 from the beginning, but he sure as hell did not MAKE the Original Trilogy as though that had been his intention.

The problem with Star Wars is that it depends a great deal on suspense--on leading the viewer to think that a certain thing is going to happen (for example: that Yoda, the fabled great Jedi will turn out to be a powerful, hulking fighter), and then having an unexpected thing happen which further refines the meaning of the story: (Yoda turns out to be a frail looking creature whose power resides in his wisdom and mastery of the Force, not his physical strength.) Watching Episodes 1-3 robs the new viewer of the effects of these shocking swerves once said viewer gets around to watching Episodes 4-6.

Let's say you're watching the scene where Darth Vader tells Luke he is his father:

If you have watched Episodes 1-3 first, here is your reaction:

"Aww. So Luke finally learns that Vader is his father, a fact that we, the viewer have known for a long time. I bet Luke feels sad now. How is he going to deal with his sadness and with the rammifications of this complex situation, whose complexity we have known about for a long time and have grown resignedly accustomed to by now?"

If you HAVEN'T watched Episodes 1-3 first, here is your reaction:

"HOLY COCKBALLS! Vader is LUKE'S FATHER? This changes EVERYTHING! I thought this was just some run of the mill popcorn action film, but Vader being Luke's father adds depth and complexity that I could never have imagined! It now takes on the gravity and importance of an ancient, timeless myth! This is Shakespearean stuff! Now if Luke kills Vader, it's not going to be a happy ending for him--he's killing his FATHER! A man who still loves him and who might still be redeemable! THIS IS THE BEST PLOT TWIST EVER!!!"

Luke finding out Vader's identity is the emotional lynchpin for the entire original trilogy, and it needs to be as shocking to the audience as it is to Luke. Or it just doesn't work.

Ergo: the Star Wars movie franchise is broken. The prequels broke it. If they're not tossed out of the canon, then I see no point in continuing on. (I don't expect everyone to share my opinion, but there it is.)

Anonymous kh123 November 28, 2014 9:06 PM  

"...despite the passage of 20-30 years..."

Roughly, franchise is likely The Beatles or Stones for Gen X.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 9:07 PM  

Genndy Tartakovsky

That guy is a true cartoonist. I'll watch anything he's got his hand on, even with the sound off...really brilliant. The funny thing is that he also cares more about story than any of the lesser animators (who could make up for their visual limits by sticking with a good story).

If he were involved in the new movies, I'd be far less skeptical.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 9:13 PM  

Ergo: the Star Wars movie franchise is broken. The prequels broke it. If they're not tossed out of the canon, then I see no point in continuing on. (I don't expect everyone to share my opinion, but there it is.)

Many fans agree. I wrote a similar conclusion up a bit.

It is deeply offensive that Lucas has tried to coverup the fact that the first movie was written and it was just a story that he could make with the budget he had. OBVIOUSLY when it was written, Luke and Leia were not related, Vader was not his father, and there were no such thing as "Clones". Luke's father was a friend of Obi-Wan who was betrayed and killed by Vader.

The whole second series plus the 2nd and 3rd movies were bolt on's. Some of it worked well, but as some one else posited, the creation of Luke and Leia as siblings was obviously done so that the love triangle could be resolved. It was obviously cooked up late in the 3rd story, since after the incident in Cloud city, Luke and Leia shared a second passionate kiss, and Luke's reaction was clearly that he'd be hitting that shortly.

Lucas trying to retroactively make it seem like it was always a coherent chronological story is just revisionist lies. No one would have loved him any less (most likely more) if he leveled and said "I never expected to be able to make more movies. I've had to backfill a little to get to a good story place".

Of course its also stupid since the original Episode IV story lines that were laid down were plenty to build from - an orphan sent to live on a desert planet, with a father was was betrayed and killed by Vader? That'd be awesome. The KA-LOW-EN wars? Awesome. Yoda as the founder of an ancient cult of race indifferent knights? Winner. A hermity old-man with a life-time of star-fighting and political intrigue behind him, having to escape from a massive purge orchestrated by a cunning but sinister political mastermind? ALL STORIES YOU CAN MAKE A WHOLE CONGRUENT AWESOME STORY FROM.

Anonymous TroperA November 28, 2014 9:17 PM  

I just thought of one way the Prequels might work if you've chosen to include them in your story:

Step 1: Re-number the Original Trilogy so that "A New Hope" is Episode 1 instead of 4

Step 2: Place the prequels in the watching order AFTER the Original Trilogy (so that "Phantom Menace" is episode IV.) This allows the prequels to act like PREQUELS (adding backstory and additional information about characters and settings that the viewer is by now familiar with.)

Step 3: Create a framing story in the first prequel movie--a framing story that takes place right after ROTJ and involves Luke and the other characters struggling to maintain order in the post-Empire Universe. Create a reason for Luke and Leia to find out about their father's past (maybe they're trying to recreate the Jedi order and want to learn about his early life towards that end) and then use this quest as an excuse to tell Anakin's story via flashback. (What I mean is, have it be like Godfather II, where half of the story involved Michael's struggles and the other half told his father's story and fleshed him out via flashback.)

Spread this out over 3 movies and you have yourself a prequel trilogy. Best of all, you have a source of suspense (the Post ROTJ framing story, where Luke and the gang are facing new adversaries and trying to solve new problems.)

Blogger Josh November 28, 2014 9:19 PM  

But don't worry, a black guy will save the Galaxy! Because that's what black guys do!

Um...Lando?

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 9:21 PM  

on leading the viewer to think that a certain thing is going to happen

Just for completeness, here's the list of anticipatory things that have now been wiped from the canon:

1) Waiting three movies to witness the slick and powerful, imposing and mysterious gang lord, Jabba the Hutt. (He wanders through the revised scenery now in the "special edition." So special it should wear a helmet!)

2) Discovering the truth of how and why Darth Vader killed Luke's father.

3) A Jedi's ability to conquer the grave and appear to living Jedi. (Qui Gon can't do this, so it is just some random affect that takes place after, but does not include all the dead Jedi from the prequels)

4) The possible "other" Jedi that Yoda alludes to in Empire. The twins are made known in prequel III.

5) The force as a living thing that "flows through us" and whose secrets are unlocked on Dagobah. It is now instead a bloodborne pathogen.

6) The above mentioned mystery of Yoda.

7) Han Solo's bounty. That entire tension is completely relieved by the reprieve that Jabba Grants in the new edition.

8) Han shoots first. No that's not a mystery, but the fact that he no longer does completely erodes the core of a main character. A gambling smuggler who takes initiative is now a crime victim with a decent sense of self-defense.

Anonymous karsten November 28, 2014 9:24 PM  

This is indeed Star Wars Judified -- star wars for social-justice warriors.

It opens with a blatant, pandering shot of a goofy-looking black, then sees fit to direct our attention to the female version of Luke Skywalker who will no doubt prove to be oh-so-capable in the film. And on top of everything else, the light sabre has a ridiculous pseudo-hit, to really, really make it look like a Christian cross. Because of course, to a die-hard Tribe director like JJ Abrams, Sith = "nazi" = Christian.

Could on tons of heavy-handed Holocaustianity metaphors and transparent "civil rights" themes.

Pass.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 9:25 PM  

It was obviously cooked up late in the 3rd story

No it wasn't. She was the one to whom Yoda was referring in Empire as the "other" (obviously less desirable) hope. If it was bolted on in Return, it was one hell of a retrofit, because it freaking worked.

Blogger Manach November 28, 2014 9:26 PM  

Perhaps it is too much to hope that Disney, being an empire themselves, will allow the authoritarian Empire one or two wins.

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 9:28 PM  

No it wasn't. She was the one to whom Yoda was referring in Empire as the "other" (obviously less desirable) hope. If it was bolted on in Return, it was one hell of a retrofit, because it freaking worked.

Yeah, I mean, after it works. But it could have been any other character. I actually thought that Yoda was talking about.. Han.

Anonymous H November 28, 2014 9:29 PM  

OT: Congressional Black Caucus wants to prevent an Indian tribe from receiving Federal recognition because the tribe, in the past, had a law forbidding marriage to people who weren't Indian or White. Who wins this victim fight?

http://news.yahoo.com/black-lawmakers-against-recognition-va-tribe-143857445--politics.html

Anonymous pseudotsuga November 28, 2014 9:32 PM  

Me: Nobody blocks with that part of the "blade" anyway...

Cataline Sergius: No, actually you do in broad sword fighting.

Longsword/katana (odachi?) fighting would be the closest steel analogue. But they (movie characters) aren't using steel, and their techniques as demonstrated in the movies so far don't depend on a crossguard (especially one which, like on the trailer, isn't pure energy and has a place where an energy blade will just sliiiideeeee on down and ZZKKTT--slice off that stupid little cigarette lighter bit and then the hapless Jedi's fingers or wrist.

Besides they need to give the audience something new rather than the same old kendo/escrima stuff they've been doing for a while.
It's hard to tell what they've been doing, since it's all so frenetic and fast motion. What you point out here ("they need...something new") is exactly the problem. Just to be new for the sake of being new is not a good thing.
Of course, it's just a movie, in the long run.... ;-)

Anonymous cheddarman November 28, 2014 9:34 PM  

I want to see Bill Murray sing the Star wars anthem as a 70's lounge singer

Blogger Jim November 28, 2014 9:35 PM  

Thinking about this more, another reason to dislike Clone Wars would be that, so far as I'm aware, not only were there very few female antagonists (and of those maybe only one or two weren't either given some sort of excuse for or redemption from their villainy), but the series as a whole constantly utilised a formula of virtuous-female-leader-sabotaged-by-conniving-male-associate, starting with Padme/Palpatine for the Republic as a whole and working down from there.

I don't necessarily see that as true. Mother Talzin doesn't have a sob story to make you sympathize with her, and you can basically lay all the crimes of Maul and Opress right at her feet. Barriss Offee's motivations are hardly different than Dooku's and there's no sob story there. Meanwhile, Dutchess Satine's idealism is shown to be complete naiveté even before she's inevitably betrayed. And she's shown to be a hypocrite; quick to abandon her pacifism when she, personally, is threatened, but takes it back up immediately as soon as the danger's passed.

Anonymous Tallahassee November 28, 2014 9:42 PM  

and there were no such thing as "Clones"

dh; you ignorant slut. In A New Hope, Luke specifically mentions his father serving in the clone wars.

Blogger rycamor November 28, 2014 9:42 PM  

Daniel November 28, 2014 9:04 PM
If you look at the old trailer for the first movie one of the weird things that stood out was how grungy and industrial everything was. Remember how Luke's lightsaber was in some trunk with a bunch of old crap? How the Falcon didn't look pretty despite its modifications for speed? How dirty everything was on Tatooine?


This. Yes it was in part due to the limited budget, but it was a stroke of genius to use it the way they did rather than try to fight it. I really am tired of sci-fi flicks where everything is antiseptic perfection.

I just watched the original (the true original) with my son the other day, and was struck by how well the set design and cinematography worked together. Things were dirty where they should be dirty, and clean and polished where they should (Death Star), although still not too perfect. And given the budget the amount of work and thoughtfulness that went into the set design and costuming is impressive, considering they couldn't just use CGI to fill in the backgrounds. I wonder how much it cost to create all the stormtrooper outfits?

The fact that they were just having a blast and not worrying about being perfect is partially responsible for the magic of the original. No one took it too seriously. Harrison Ford said in an interview once that he and the other actors all agreed at the time that it was probably going to end up "a real turkey", so they just relaxed and had fun with it.

OpenID simplytimothy November 28, 2014 9:45 PM  

Jek Porkins has lost some weight.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 10:01 PM  

No it wasn't. She was the one to whom Yoda was referring in Empire as the "other" (obviously less desirable) hope. If it was bolted on in Return, it was one hell of a retrofit, because it freaking worked.

There is a lot more stuff that indicates it was tack on.

For instance: (*paraphrasing here*)

On Endor

Luke: Tell me what you remember about your mother.

Leia: Not much really, just images. I remember her being very sad.

Luke: I have no memory of my mother.


Clear implication. Leia stayed in contact with her mother until about age two. Vader knew he had a son named Luke but was completely oblivious about having a daughter.

Likely was separated from his (presumed at that point) wife through out her pregnancy. Perhaps while being turned to the dark side. Because lets face it. Given the level of technology and his psychic powers, Vader should have known twins were on the way.

I was honestly curious as to how this happened. Of course it didn't

Nope total ripoff and I'm surprised Lucas has left that bit in his latest version of Jedi. Not that I've seen it, so maybe it isn't.

The only way Leia's story holds together is if she is out right delusional.

Which is possible of course. Her entire planet was destroyed, she had apparently just been publicly raped by a giant slug monster and the rumor was she was doing a lot of coke at the time. So I suppose it still works under that premise...

...but the more likely explanation is that George Lucas is a sloppy story teller.

Blogger jimmy-jimbo November 28, 2014 10:05 PM  

"the supreme importance of being yourself."

Let it go!!!

Anonymous dh November 28, 2014 10:09 PM  

"dh; you ignorant slut. In A New Hope, Luke specifically mentions his father serving in the clone wars."

THE KA-LOW-EN WARS.

Anonymous map November 28, 2014 10:10 PM  

This would be a good animated movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPdJdEFilaU

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 10:15 PM  

Pity Lucas didn't go with that plot line.

Baby Luke is sleeping peacefully but Leia is awake and crying. Padme takes her daughter out to the garden to try and sooth her. Leaving her son in the crib.

The newly minted Darth Vader arrives. "Honey I'm home." Padme is forced to flea or hide with only one child.

Vader is delighted to have son so strong with the force. "Luke eh? Why not? You will make an excellent apprentice for me when the time is right. I'll let you practice with my old blue light saber, I want you to have it when you are old enough" And leaves with his son.

Padme pleads with Obi-Wan to retrieve her other child. Old Ben thinks thats probably a good idea for a number of reasons and heads off to get Luke.

Vader finds fatherhood a drag and drops his son off with his step brother Owen, who is probably freaked out about the whole yellow eyes thing. And the rest writes itself.

Anonymous MendoScot November 28, 2014 10:19 PM  

And seriously... Lightsaber crusifix?

I'll be happy to be proved wrong. But at this point - what is the point of a lightsabre crosspiece that can be chopped off at its origin? What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?

Now the two-ended lightsabre in SW1 made sense, given that there is no weight disadvantage. But where is the advantage to a longer lightsabre except for poking?

No, the new design is clearly intended to invoke the Crusader broadsword. I smell SWJ all over this.

Anonymous Smokey November 28, 2014 10:24 PM  

No it wasn't. She was the one to whom Yoda was referring in Empire as the "other" (obviously less desirable) hope. If it was bolted on in Return, it was one hell of a retrofit, because it freaking worked.

Yes, it was. Luke's twin sister was originally meant to be some other chick from a distant place, long lost. Leia was just meant to be a bitchy princess that Luke had the hots for. Then Lucas started panicking, and retro-fitted everything to make room for other ideas that he had, hence the Leia reveal, even if it was poorly done.

In A New Hope, Luke specifically mentions his father serving in the clone wars.

You mean Luke asked about Obi-Wan fighting in the Clone Wars. Also, that doesn't change the fact that back then, clone troopers didn't exist and weren't even conceived. For all we know, the Clone Wars could have been named that way because they were fought over a bunch of cloned sheep.

No, actually you do in broad sword fighting.

Except normal crossguards aren't as sharp as the blade, and won't hurt you if you touch it, which you will unless you are super-skilled at using such a blade. In this case, that is exactly what will happen. That guy will burn himself.

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 10:26 PM  

I actually thought that Yoda was talking about.. Han.

Me too! But that would have really made no sense, so whether it was half-assery or not, the potential "other" being Leia was perfect, because Yoda's promise of another had its own twist: there didn't have to be an other, the otherness just foreshadowed the Skywalker family.

Lucas was a fireside storyteller for the first three movies, and yeah it didn't all hang together, but neither did the Millenium Falcon, so it all worked. For the next three movies, Lucas had long since become a grade A knob-polisher, and yes, those knobs shone like a thousand suns by the time he'd wrenched all sense of fun from the plot, but at the end...they were three shining knobs.

The other thing about Star Wars is that it works when it is small: farm boy thwarts a weapon, boy leaves his studies early to save his friends and fails, man tracks down his bad dad. The first three movies were too big: prophesied kid destroys trade embargo and ushers in the decline of a Republic, prophesied man solves mystery of shadow army AND a droid alliance, ushering in galactic martial law, predestined falling man wipes out the galactic order and serves as lynchpin to Empire.

Star Wars forgot that it was small and dirty.

OpenID simplytimothy November 28, 2014 10:32 PM  

And seriously... Lightsaber crusifix?

I'll be happy to be proved wrong. But at this point - what is the point of a lightsabre crosspiece that can be chopped off at its origin? What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?


Well, if guns are always on topic, by parity of reasoning light-sabres are always on topic.

Anonymous maniacprovost November 28, 2014 10:32 PM  

I think the crossguard and flares are essentially small flarebooms dumping excess energy. And looking awesome.

Also Leia can have false memories of her mother due to some kind of baby force potential. Maybe she was aware of Padme while still in the womb, or she just remembers the wet nurse.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 10:36 PM  

@Mekadave:

The Clone Wars cartoon did have Asajj Ventress as a female antagonist.

For a while. Then they made her a bounty hunter/barfly willing to forgo her cut to rescue little girls and were apparently planning on having the now-renegade Ahsoka team up with her by the time that the series was canceled. ABSOLUTE GRRRL POWAH!

@Daniel:

Star Wars was the first and only custodian's closet set in space.

Well, definitely the first. The look of Alien was heavily-inspired by SW's "used future" aesthetics, but movie critics generally don't like to admit that the latter owes anything to the former.

@Smokey:

Also, the trailer sucked. As someone else mentioned, it looks like a fan production

*waves hand*

I'm fucking tired of Empire vs. Rebels, Round 57143. That shit ruined the EU because the writers couldn't let go of their nostalgia. X-Wings, TIE Fighters...yawn.

Yeah, my private dream is that somehow, some day, someone will produce a film (or HBO-style series) following the plot of the New Jedi Order novels with their genocidal, extragalactic, bio-tech-using, vaguely-Islamic alien invaders pitted against the Republic and the Imperial remnant both.

@dh:

I am desperately hoping they dial the sword-play back to the level of the movies in the first two installments.

I'd like to see fewer Jedi/Sith, period.

Anonymous karsten November 28, 2014 10:38 PM  

No, the new design is clearly intended to invoke the Crusader broadsword. I smell SWJ all over this.

Obviously. Remember, this is JJ Abrams. He has a history of putting in Judaic obsessions in his movies. This is par for the course.

Anonymous Mike M. November 28, 2014 10:40 PM  

The prequels were junk...and a fine example of why prequels are a Very Bad Idea. You wind up tying yourself into a pretzel getting them to synch up with what you've already done. And Lucas didn't even try hard in that regard.

IF the sequels admit that the Empire is dead, dead, dead, they can do a decent Jedi-vs-Sith storyline.

But I'd far rather see a film adaption of anything Doc Smith or John Wright wrote.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 10:41 PM  

@Daniel:

That guy is a true cartoonist. I'll watch anything he's got his hand on, even with the sound off...really brilliant. The funny thing is that he also cares more about story than any of the lesser animators (who could make up for their visual limits by sticking with a good story).

If he were involved in the new movies, I'd be far less skeptical.


He's probably too busy working on his CGI Popeye feature film.

@pseudotsuga:

It's hard to tell what they've been doing, since it's all so frenetic and fast motion.

I believe that the fight choreographer/coordinator for the prequels, Nick Gillard, specialises in kendo. Further, the Jedi extras in AotC were members of a local Australian kendo club. By contrast, the original films (and the Lord of the Rings adaptations) were choreographed by the late Bob Anderson, who was more a disciple of European styles.

@Jim:

I don't necessarily see that as true. Mother Talzin doesn't have a sob story to make you sympathize with her, and you can basically lay all the crimes of Maul and Opress right at her feet.

Maybe. I seem to recall her displaying a certain amount of either regret or maternal affection, which fits my caveat about redeeming qualities, but I never really paid all that much attention to the series when it was running, so take that with a grain of salt. The only female character I can think of who appeared to be a case of out-and-out, unredeemed villainy was the catgirl slaver queen.

Barriss Offee's motivations are hardly different than Dooku's and there's no sob story there. Meanwhile, Dutchess Satine's idealism is shown to be complete naiveté even before she's inevitably betrayed. And she's shown to be a hypocrite; quick to abandon her pacifism when she, personally, is threatened, but takes it back up immediately as soon as the danger's passed.

I really doubt that the writers were aware of any inconsistencies in the above examples. Barriss's actions are explained away as ultimately being the result of the Jedi Council choosing to help the Republic prosecute the war, while Satine is presented as a tragic figure who consistently tries to keep her people (and by extension, the minor worlds that Mandalore is responsible for) out of the war, and is consequently betrayed by just about every male character she knows save for her nephew and Obi-Wan.

So again, it's all the fault of those duplicitous men, you see.

@rycamor:

I just watched the original (the true original) with my son the other day, and was struck by how well the set design and cinematography worked together. Things were dirty where they should be dirty, and clean and polished where they should (Death Star), although still not too perfect. And given the budget the amount of work and thoughtfulness that went into the set design and costuming is impressive, considering they couldn't just use CGI to fill in the backgrounds

The visual design for the original SW films is amazing. Virtually every single major character, vehicle, structure, creature, weapon or other object has a distinct, memorable and instantly-recognisable silhouette.

Blogger Jamie-R November 28, 2014 10:43 PM  

I did the black power fist and screamed Ferguson as soon as the black dude popped up. After that it was just moving images and sound and stuff.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 10:45 PM  

The visual design for the original SW films is amazing. Virtually every single major character, vehicle, structure, creature, weapon or other object has a distinct, memorable and instantly-recognisable silhouette.

Meant to add that you don't see that too much in visual sci-fi these days, where Mass Effect sort of looks like everything and everything sort of looks like Mass Effect.

Anonymous MendoScot November 28, 2014 10:46 PM  

Now, if they give the new tart a pair of impressive guns I'll allow that the broadsabre is just for larfs, especially if the new Evil One is called Long John Silthver.

Otherwise, all I see is a cheap shot.

Anonymous Scooter November 28, 2014 10:46 PM  

Rian Johnson, the writer/director of Looper, is helming the next two installments. I'm confident these films will be worthy sequels to the original trilogy.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 28, 2014 10:47 PM  

I am desperately hoping they dial the sword-play back to the level of the movies in the first two installments.

If there is no pod racing, I'll call it a win.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 10:49 PM  

"What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?"

Duh.

It looks cool. That's what purpose it serves. and I don't know if you noticed.. but lightsabers are built by the wielder. the whole "unless you're incredibly skilled" reasoning is epicly stupid. BECAUSE THEY ARE EPICLY SKILLED BY DEFAULT

Anonymous Daniel November 28, 2014 10:50 PM  

The look of Alien was heavily-inspired by SW's "used future" aesthetics, but movie critics generally don't like to admit that the latter owes anything to the former.

Whoops. Forgot about Alien and the slight off-shoot of the concept in Blade Runner.

Blogger Josh November 28, 2014 10:54 PM  

Obviously. Remember, this is JJ Abrams. He has a history of putting in Judaic obsessions in his movies. This is par for the course.

We can't even have a nice discussion about star wars without someone whining about the scary joos...

Anonymous Kyle November 28, 2014 10:56 PM  

I enjoyed the trailer, though I'm tired of Tattooine. I hope we don't spend more than five minutes on that boring-ass planet. The lightsaber is just designed that way to look cool and distinguish it from the old one, the new parts are purely decorative. And Crusader Sword guys, get a grip (erm, no pun intended.) This is paranoia bordering on parody. Finally, I loved the (new) X-Wings.

Shame Vox hasn't followed any of the Expanded Universe stuff since Episode I - some of the games like the first two Knights Of The Old Republic were outstanding. Even if the novels got overwrought and overblown, ones like Timothy Zahn's books and the X-Wing novels carried on the original vibe of Star Wars quite nicely.

Anonymous Nathan November 28, 2014 11:01 PM  

@Kyle,

And, according to the Mouse, all the EU are now Star Wars Legends and no longer part of canon, at any remove. The new books don't quite feel the same.

Blogger Nate November 28, 2014 11:01 PM  

ya know this has more comments than the cop thread.

So why aren't the morons that complain about football and video games on here berating people for caring about make believe stories and grown ups playing pretend on video when they should be paying attention to the super important CAUSE

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 28, 2014 11:05 PM  

We can't even have a nice discussion about star wars without someone whining about the scary joos...

SIX BILLION VULCANS! NEVER AGAIN!

Blogger Josh November 28, 2014 11:06 PM  

SIX BILLION VULCANS! NEVER AGAIN!

DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS!!!

Anonymous Smokey November 28, 2014 11:21 PM  

Rian Johnson, the writer/director of Looper, is helming the next two installments. I'm confident these films will be worthy sequels to the original trilogy.

But Looper sucked ass...

Anonymous Catholic Soap November 28, 2014 11:30 PM  

We can't even have a nice discussion about star wars without someone whining about the scary joos...

Tatooine is calvinist austerity epitomized--baptist filth destroyed the "Death" star which is really the Catholic Church!
heathen scum.

.

Anonymous Just Mark November 28, 2014 11:35 PM  

First thought ... The Eagle and their song After the Thrill is Gone.

Anonymous Krul November 28, 2014 11:38 PM  

On the one hand, I've seen what JJ Abrams did with Star Trek, so I don't have high expectations for Episode VII.

On the other hand, when I thought that Disney would ruin Marvel, they gave me The Avengers.

So it could go either way.
---

Nate - Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.

Yes.

All of them.


You say that like it's controversial.

You might get some disagreement over Wrath of Khan. Maaaaybe a little over the first reboot film. Other than that, there's not much going for those films.
...

"What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?"

Duh.

It looks cool.


Well yeah, but it's so OBVIOUSLY impractical. The Sith could easily stab himself in the face or chest with those things during a duel.

So maybe it's an intentional handicap, like saying "I could beat you pansies with one hand tied behind my back". Or maybe he's so excessively skilled that the handicap is negligible. Or maybe there's some other explanation.

But it does look cool. If the worry-warts above are correct and this does turn out to be Social Justice In Space (though I don't think it will), then I'll get to root for the villain. It wouldn't be the first time, and this one at least has a visually striking weapon.
---

GF Dad - Tatooine? Why do we have to go back to Tatooine? If there's a bright center to the universe, that planet is the farthest from it.

I don't know. I really don't know.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the only film that avoided that sand trap was Empire Strikes Back. The best one.

Why do we keep having to go back to that stupid planet? What, they haven't seen enough sand?
---

Semi-relation: Interstellar is good. It's rare to see good, hard SF in a big budget Hollywood film. Well, not that hard. More... crunchy.

Anonymous Asian Kid November 28, 2014 11:53 PM  

Total disgrace. More boomer crap + SJWs to boot. Black guy as hero? Worse than negro vetsion of Annie. Plus the Sith lord = Jar Jar. Stupid lazer sword. Geezers flying 1970s space ships...yawn. Fuck star wars and fuck lucas. They need to make a Dragonlance or Drizit movie, that would be fresh creative.

Blogger JLanceCombs November 28, 2014 11:53 PM  

If you've skipped the games, then you've missed KOTOR.

Blogger JLanceCombs November 28, 2014 11:55 PM  

"What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?"

Cross guard section of hilt to prevent yon Jedi from losing his hand.

Anonymous Eli November 29, 2014 12:04 AM  

What's the problem with the black guy as a hero? Seems like a silly thing to be worried about. I think some of you are looking too deep into this. Remember the original source of all this was old serials that Lucas enjoyed. I know he's not directing this but JJ wants to honor the old trilogy. I hope he succeeds. I thought the teaser was great. The light saber was cool. The voice over was threatening. The soccer ball droid was fun. Seeing the Falcon brought a huge smile to my face. I say bring it on.

Blogger Nate November 29, 2014 12:05 AM  


Well yeah, but it's so OBVIOUSLY impractical.


The train is fine.

Blogger W.LindsayWheeler November 29, 2014 12:07 AM  

If Disney is in control---It will be a Political Correctness, Social Justice, extravaganza! Just the first shot with a black guy, a girl on a big machine--it is totally Politically Correct, Hollywood dumps on patriarchy and authority movie.

Jew movie to the extreme, with "saving the world" complex of Jewish messianism. Abrams? Jew all the way.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 29, 2014 12:20 AM  

What's the problem with the black guy as a hero?

SJW triumphalism, that's what. It was bad enough when they were crowing over the fact that the protagonists for the Rebels cartoon included not a single white male character (Freddy Prinze Jr.'s brown-haired, blue-eyed Jedi not counting, apparently).

Anonymous kh123 November 29, 2014 12:27 AM  

Y U NO LIKE WHAT I LIKES???? PRACTICAL!!!

Anonymous Jack Amok November 29, 2014 12:29 AM  

I think it's a marker for your generations which Star Wars movie you think of when someone says "the first Star Wars".

Anyway, it's just more evidence Hollywood is out of ideas. Reboot Ishtar, that's what I say.

Anonymous Ras al Ghul November 29, 2014 12:31 AM  

That droid/soccer ball thing gives me more concerns than cross guard on the sith saber. That's more of the silly stuff lucas painted into the his originals when they got remastered.

This looks better:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj23dwWHukY

Anonymous Revenge Of The Star Whores November 29, 2014 12:36 AM  

GF Dad - Tatooine? Why do we have to go back to Tatooine? If there's a bright center to the universe, that planet is the farthest from it.


Wassamata, don't you got a sense of Yuma anymore?


"What function does a 4" lightsabre perform next to a 4' lightsabre?"

It's obvious. A dark figure in a grove of trees…clearly the long part is for lopping big branches and the small tines are used to trim off small suckers from the trunk.

So if two tines are good, MOAR BETTER.
|-------
|-----|__
*===#-----------------------
|------|__
|_____

Now that's a man-worthy, er, red-eye-knight worthy light saber.

With a few attachments it serves as a decent chandelier over the table as well.

Anonymous jayb November 29, 2014 12:37 AM  

Eli, the problem with black guy as hero trope: Target market is white males.

Unless the guy is a supreme actor there is no justification for casting him except for SJW reasons.
If you knew the demographics of cinema-goers, you would know that blacks are too busy seeing the next Tyler Perry film to care about Star Wars. And when they're a tiny fraction of the global market... why bother?
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/books-and-culture/why-whites-avoid-movies-with-black-actors-30890/
It makes no marketing sense to cast a black man as the hero; it is highly unlikely to be necessary for the plot. Icing on the cake would be a classicly Euro-looking man as the Sith Lord. It's not new.

In short: The film-makers want the audience to see black men as heroes, grrrls as strong and independent, and white people as the bad guys.

Blogger Josh November 29, 2014 12:43 AM  

Did anyone complaining about girls and darkies actually see Star Wars? Lando is black. Vader is voiced by a black dude. Leia is a girl.

Blogger Mekadave November 29, 2014 12:48 AM  

Who says the black stormtrooper is a main actor? Or the girl on the landspeeder, for that matter?

Some people are getting entirely too worked up about a minute's worth of teaser trailer. Geez.

Blogger automatthew November 29, 2014 12:48 AM  

Josh, your SJW panties are showing.

Anonymous Revenge Of The $tar Whores November 29, 2014 12:53 AM  

What I never understood was Darth Vader was really Uncle Fester all along.

Anonymous Revenge Of The $tar Whores November 29, 2014 12:54 AM  

And if Darth was really Fester then how come Thing didn't show up to lend Luke a hand?

Blogger Josh November 29, 2014 12:58 AM  

Josh, your SJW panties are showing.

Yup, that's me...

Anonymous G.K. Chesterton November 29, 2014 12:59 AM  

Did anyone complaining about girls and darkies actually see Star Wars? Lando is black. Vader is voiced by a black dude. Leia is a girl.

Lando shows up halfway through the second installment and is essentially a sidekick. No one ever saw JEJ onscreen. Leia is basically a walking plot-device to enable acts of daring-do. The central protagonist is a blond, blue-eyed white man (as are his father and his father's mentor in the prequels).

Anonymous Jack Hanson November 29, 2014 1:00 AM  

When I tripped across three different articles shitting themselves over the fact that, bless my stars, there's a NEGRO because blacks were under represented in SW, it amazed me until I remembered we are dealing with SJW idiots. Wouldn't surprise me if there's some google group where everyone is circlejerking over the black.

Anonymous MendoScot November 29, 2014 1:06 AM  

Cross guard section of hilt to prevent yon Jedi from losing his hand.

Oh. Good. Grief. Think about it for a moment. Watch the trailer again if need be. If necessary, watch episode 1 duel where Darth Maul gets his two pointed lightsabre CUT IN HALF.

A dark figure in a grove of trees…clearly the long part is for lopping big branches and the small tines are used to trim off small suckers from the trunk.

That's it! And for when you get food stuck between your teeth.

Lando is black.

That actually bothered me. Where did these black people come from? Pretty much everyone else was white, green, blue, furry, scaled, etc. And yet these black guys kept popping up. I don't remember any black women (no gratuitous Hutt jokes, thx).

Blogger Michael Maier November 29, 2014 1:10 AM  

kh123 November 28, 2014 6:48 PM

"The opening scene must have been an homage to Spaceballs."

Good catch; hadn't thought about that.

This guy's whole career's really rounding down to nothing more than a nostalgia jerkoff.


"nostalgia jerkoff"

Thank you. Perfect description of the Star Trek reboot.

Superficially "true to the original" in no way that matters.

Blogger JartStar November 29, 2014 1:12 AM  

I'd just like it to be a well crafted, fun, reasonably coherent movie which brings back a lot of good memories for me.

Blogger automatthew November 29, 2014 1:14 AM  

"Yup, that's me…"

It's funny because it's true.

Anonymous MendoScot November 29, 2014 1:17 AM  

Then again, maybe it's the Swiss Army Lightsabre. Special attachments for bikini waxing, trimming fingernails, removing thorns and getting rid of unsightly nose and ear hair.

Blogger automatthew November 29, 2014 1:17 AM  

By which I mean to say, you consistently use SJW tactics to try to shut down other people.

Stop trying to be a gatekeeper here.

Anonymous Too-Soon-ami November 29, 2014 1:24 AM  

"Who says the black stormtrooper is a main actor?"

The studio says so, by making the jigabooper the very first character to appear in the trailer.

To go even further than jayb's explanation -- Space-based films (and space itself) are a White refuge, because there aren't any niggers out there. While we were lifting off to the Moon in July 1969, the niggers were rooted to Motha Earph performing minstrel shows outside Cape Kennedy with donkeys and cardboard signs demanding gibs. We look at the night sky and see something to pioneer and conquer; blacks look up and see "Aint no bananas up in there. Where my forty at?"

Blogger automatthew November 29, 2014 1:25 AM  

Regarding the lightsaber cross-guards:

In the history of sword-craft, have there ever been sharpened guards? If so, what purpose did they serve?

Some might argue that having lasery cross guards will protect against the opponent's saber sliding down and cutting your hand. My sense was that two lightsabers, when struck together, have some kind of friction. They almost stick together.

Blogger automatthew November 29, 2014 1:26 AM  

The astronaut captured by Moon-Nazis in Iron Sky was black.

Anonymous Sgt. Polite November 29, 2014 1:38 AM  

That trailer leaves me with the feeling that my childhood is getting FORCE-ably raped again. That section with the music swell and the millennium falcon was pretty cool though.

Blogger Mekadave November 29, 2014 1:49 AM  

"Who says the black stormtrooper is a main actor?"

The studio says so, by making the jigabooper the very first character to appear in the trailer.


So what? We know that Ford, Hamill, Fisher, Mayhew, etc are all in this movie too, but NONE of them are in the TEASER TRAILER (not even a full trailer). You're reading way too much into it.

Blogger rycamor November 29, 2014 2:04 AM  

What is this? Anti-leftist concern trolling? It's a freaking movie. Of course there will be some of the usual Hollywood/Disney social crap. And so? It's like going to Denny's and complaining about the food.

Anonymous Jump the Shark November 29, 2014 2:07 AM  

no gratuitous Hutt jokes, thx
Hardly gratuitous at thus point.

As for the lightsaber's handlebars, this is a show where dudes parry lasers using swords made out of other lasers.

At the point where this becomes possible, we have already solemnly sworn to flip rationality the laser bird in favor of anything that looks cool. By all means try to rationalize them, though. Because that might lead to other cool ideas.

Anonymous Daniel November 29, 2014 2:07 AM  

KOTOR was outstanding. Liked the slightly adjustable dice-rolling effect for combat. KOTOR 2 was really short and somehow non-immersive. I normally don't compare sequel games to their predecessors unless the game dictates it, and KOTOR 2 dictated it.

Anonymous Titus Didius Tacitus November 29, 2014 2:25 AM  

Star Wars is good since it causes John Williams to write more music.

Blogger LibertyPortraits November 29, 2014 2:26 AM  

The trailer was underwhelming. Maybe I've just seen too many bad action films to care anymore. After watching a few awful Michael Bay and Peter Jackson films, along with the occasional Abrams, action has never been so boring to me before. It's not impressive to see perfect choreographed fighting with CGI, there's no emotion or raw factor. It has become annoying to me to see slow motion sequences where everyone somehow manages to remain unscathed. I'm perhaps jaded, but not even the x-wings or falcon got me excited. I could only snort and shrug when I saw the black stormtrooper enter the scene, and when I saw the stereotypical Sith with some new lightsaber. I can see why my parents never cared for SW or any action movie really, they're just made for simple minds and kids; I've grown tired of special effects and just want to see a decent storyline, something adventurous enough that it is worth putting a good book down for a few hours to see.

Anonymous A. Nonymous November 29, 2014 2:28 AM  

KOTOR was outstanding. Liked the slightly adjustable dice-rolling effect for combat. KOTOR 2 was really short and somehow non-immersive. I normally don't compare sequel games to their predecessors unless the game dictates it, and KOTOR 2 dictated it.

I've heard many people (including my brother) argue that the second was superior, at least in terms of plot. I tend to agree, if only because I hate BioWare with sufficient force to acquire a fine, Sithly pallor and yellow eyes to match, were such things possible.

Anonymous FP November 29, 2014 2:30 AM  

"SIX BILLION VULCANS! NEVER AGAIN!"

I've interpreted that as a Nimoy/Spock vs Shatner/Kirk deal. Spock gets to send off the new cast of characters who walk among the lens flares. Kirk sent off the TNG guys in Generations. Lame either way but hey, time travel reboot. Yay. Did they fix the EPS conduits yet? I heard they're broken. Lens Flailure.

Overall, I can't really disagree with Nate's statement anymore, due to #5 and Insurrection and the reboots. They're not totally horrible but just meh. Its just not got the charm.

As for the trailer:
Chills from the X-wings complete with the engine sound skimming along. "and the light..." Cue music and hey, the Falcon's back! Thank God. The rest of it... eh, we'll see.

Re Clone Wars:
"I really doubt that the writers were aware of any inconsistencies in the above examples. Barriss's actions are explained away as ultimately being the result of the Jedi Council choosing to help the Republic prosecute the war, while Satine is presented as a tragic figure who consistently tries to keep her people (and by extension, the minor worlds that Mandalore is responsible for) out of the war, and is consequently betrayed by just about every male character she knows save for her nephew and Obi-Wan.

So again, it's all the fault of those duplicitous men, you see."

Yeah but Satine's Deathwatch member sister was the one who survives and likely to put Mandalore back on course at the end of that storyline. I ended up liking the Clone Wars series overall though it took time to grow on me. Rebels looks ok so far but I can definitely sense the SJW there lurking in the background.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 2:34 AM  

Some might argue that having lasery cross guards will protect against the opponent's saber sliding down and cutting your hand.

Not only would I argue this, I'd say this is the PATENTLY OBVIOUS purpose of the guards.

And why are they laser, you ask? Because that is the only thing that stops the laser blade of the opponent.

My sense was that two lightsabers, when struck together, have some kind of friction. They almost stick together.

Perhaps. But perhaps this is just an artifact of everyone building lightsabers without guards. Nobody wants to lose a hand, so they hit in such a way that causes the saber to not slide. Because that could go either way.

But now, say someone invents one WITH guards. Sure, it will mean that he has to be more careful about not hitting himself with them. But on the other hand, it gives him more freedom with regards to sliding. Now that will always cause the OPPONENT'S hand to be cut off.

Anonymous tiredofitall November 29, 2014 2:41 AM  

"I want to see Bill Murray sing the Star wars anthem as a 70's lounge singer" - cheddarman

Wish granted:

http://videosift.com/video/Bill-Murray-as-the-lounge-singer-Nick-Winters-from-SNL

Anonymous Scintan November 29, 2014 2:47 AM  

Also... I don't think its really fair to bitch about what the new Star Trek films. The dirty truth is... All the star trek films sucked.

Yes.

All of them.


You're being "that guy".

Anonymous Shut up rabbit November 29, 2014 2:50 AM  

[OT]
Another gang of vibrants polluting the UK with their despicable cultural practices

Blogger Jim November 29, 2014 2:54 AM  

[I]And why are they laser, you ask? Because that is the only thing that stops the laser blade of the opponent[/I]
Except that it's not pure lightsaber: there are physical emitters sticking out from the hilt that will get hit first.

A practical design would use a cortosis-based guard, which would have the benefit of shorting out the lightsaber on contact. Failing that (because cortosis is incredibly rare in the SW universe, or maybe they want to keep it EU), you'd want the emitters angled so that the guard blades form an X at their base, using the emitters to shield their opposite, which could give the saber more of a trident dagger function.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 2:59 AM  

Actually, I'm going to say that Star Wars is accidental, ingenious social commentary. Almost prophecy.

Ye Olde Republic is the world up and until 9/11. Shiny, but without soul. Episodes 1-3 are post 9/11 but pre-collapse. Everything goes progressively to shit. But it should, too. Because it was without soul. Shit is where it MUST go.

Episodes 4-6 are post-collapse, after rebuilding has started. Hanging together with glue and tape, but hearty.

EVERY. DAMN. ONE. Who sees all the episodes, recognizes that the 4-6 way is the right way.

Anonymous MendoScot November 29, 2014 3:02 AM  

The astronaut captured by Moon-Nazis in Iron Sky was black.

Speaking of which, I just saw the teaser trailer for Iron Sky 2, Markku. Nazis on dinosaurs?

Blogger Mekadave November 29, 2014 3:04 AM  

Cortosis? Remember, if it's not in the movies or TV shows, it's not canon. Period.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:06 AM  

A practical design would use a cortosis-based guard, which would have the benefit of shorting out the lightsaber on contact. Failing that (because cortosis is incredibly rare in the SW universe, or maybe they want to keep it EU), you'd want the emitters angled so that the guard blades form an X at their base, using the emitters to shield their opposite, which could give the saber more of a trident dagger function.

Well, yes, that could potentially be a problem. But the light is not physical material. It probably acts as a field that repels another such field at some distance. So, how far away do they repel? That's really the question. If they repel adequately far, then the blade will not be able to hit the emitter. It will be stuck in the "corner", repelled by both parts.

Blogger IM2L844 November 29, 2014 3:08 AM  

If that trailer is indicative of all the little things that are likely to annoy me throughout, the movie's gonna suck.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:11 AM  

Perhaps watching episodes 1-3 should be viewed as torture that the viewer must undergo, to better appreciate the galaxy in the state it is in starting from 4.

Blogger Jamie-R November 29, 2014 3:15 AM  

"Yup, that's me..."

There's a little New York state in Josh, so his right wing is pretty much everyone elses left. My slutty flirtations with pop-culture is my left, I just lose my damn mind and then remember, oh yeah haha, those are the people Moses chucked the tablets at.

Blogger Jim November 29, 2014 3:16 AM  

Cortosis? Remember, if it's not in the movies or TV shows, it's not canon. Period.

Yes. That would be the point of me saying "or maybe they want to keep it EU" and providing an alternative build. Very good of you to notice.

Well, yes, that could potentially be a problem. But the light is not physical material. It probably acts as a field that repels another such field at some distance. So, how far away do they repel? That's really the question. If they repel adequately far, then the blade will not be able to hit the emitter. It will be stuck in the "corner", repelled by both parts.

Possible. We've just never seen a beam that repels other lightsabers in that way, and I don't think one exists in the EU to pull from. I'm willing to bet that all we'll see in the movie is lightsabers neatly impacting on those beam guards, with no additional mechanics at play.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:16 AM  

And Midichlorians - well, this is obviously science run amok, stealing all sense of wonder from the world. Turning it into dead but polished chrome.

Ah, but, come collapse! NOW the world is full of wonders and marvels again.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:23 AM  

Well, as for the guards, I'm looking at that picture on Drudge. If the swords make contact at the edge of the faint, red glow, then the opponent's blade cannot fit through the hole and damage the emitters. But if they make contact at the light area, then it can.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:28 AM  

Or, perhaps it's just bullshit to demoralize the opponent.

"Do the swords make contact at the light or the glow?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda don't know myself. But being this is a lightsaber, the most powerful weapon in the galaxy and would slice your hand clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

Anonymous Shut up rabbit November 29, 2014 3:33 AM  

Anti-#GamerGate leader #FullMcIntosh chimes in on twitter from his ivory tower:

3 faces in the #StarWars trailer are those of a black man, white woman & latino man piloting a X-Wing. That matters more than you may think.

So no sense of wonder, no thrill at the sight of an X-wing for him, not even a comment on the impracticality of light sabres with hilts. Just the satisfaction of racial quotas being ticked off. Oh, the poor white SJW and his burden.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:36 AM  

3 faces in the #StarWars trailer are those of a black man, white woman & latino man piloting a X-Wing. That matters more than you may think.

So, now we know who's cannon fodder in the universe.

But what about the executive positions? Who holds them, I ask.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:46 AM  

A-ha!

So, they indeed can slide. However, while making contact, it would appear that they can get too close to each other for this design to be useful.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 3:48 AM  

Luckily, The Internets seem to have already fixed the issue

Anonymous Daniel November 29, 2014 4:23 AM  

Then why wouldn't the guards be at a 60-degree angle away from the wielder, to catch and force back, instead of the 50/50 chance offered by a flat 90-degree angle?

90-degree angle = 9mm.

60-degree angle = light saber upgrade

Anonymous Daniel November 29, 2014 4:28 AM  

I've heard many people (including my brother) argue that the second was superior, at least in terms of plot.

Oh, that explains it. I read books for that. I play games to get stuff and kill things. The first one seemed to have more fun stuff and more stuff to kill, plus the gambling and arena minigames were better.

What were the plots?

Anonymous Steve November 29, 2014 4:51 AM  

Shut up rabbit - It really is time we sent all Skinnies back to Skinnyland, and then used the place to test our new Trident missiles.

Blogger Markku November 29, 2014 4:52 AM  

Yes, and the forward angle would also make the gap smaller. It is indeed the vastly superior design.

Anonymous Herman the German November 29, 2014 6:49 AM  

I agree. Would love to see Abrams incorporate as much Timothy Zahn as possible, particularly Grand Admiral Thrawn with his awesome look & ability to defeat entire civilizations through studying their art & culture. Having his stubby little Noghri assassins around would be cool, too. Remember the little evil guys who bowed down to Leia upon smelling the royal blood of Vader coursing through her veins?? That was excellent on Zahn's part, relating in passing how the Young Vader, newly turned to the Sith, through one act of selfless virtue, saved the entire Noghri race/planet... Storytelling Gold, Sir.

Anonymous Herman the German November 29, 2014 6:52 AM  

Listen to Josh, guys. Crossing streams is GHEY.

Anonymous Action Bronson November 29, 2014 6:52 AM  

I just hope that one day technology advances to were we can defrost Walt Disney, bring him back to life then kill his ass over and over again like an itchy and scratchy cartoon.
Of course this lame ass reboot is going to be infected with SJW nonsense.

Anonymous Herman the German November 29, 2014 7:08 AM  

+1

Anonymous Shut up rabbit November 29, 2014 7:26 AM  

It's Disney, its got a princess - what can go wrong?
First musical number will have Ms tough but sassy Jedi-princess singing music from "Frozen" to Han Solo in carbonite...

Anonymous Statists are so dull November 29, 2014 7:32 AM  

...sent all Skinnies back to Skinnyland

If only there was a vocal militant movement campaigning against rape culture and promoting women's right...

What's that? There already is such a group but they're too busy stopping college boys getting laid and worrying about women in video games to do anything about the Somali and Muslim organized rape/prostitution/white slave gangs?

Well at least the SJWs' priorities are clear. Cowards, each and every sackless one of 'em.

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