ALL BLOG POSTS AND COMMENTS COPYRIGHT (C) 2003-2016 VOX DAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.

Monday, April 27, 2015

"A job well done"

Now we know why none of the big banks were prosecuted by the Obama administration:
Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.

Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.

For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done.
At this point, I think the federal government should go back to the spoils system. It would be considerably less corrupt.

Labels: ,

54 Comments:

Anonymous dh April 27, 2015 12:01 PM  

Not much else would surprise me. It's pretty much a sure bet when the actual real version of this article is written it will be Chase, Citi, JPMorgan, Goldman, or someone else in that orbit. For the time being, we'll have to enjoy this barely unbelievable version.

Anonymous Porky April 27, 2015 12:05 PM  

Fake story, bro.

Anonymous Poe Slaw April 27, 2015 12:05 PM  

But he's a D so his intentions are pure because everyone knows that Rethuglicans are so totally corrupt and only the Dems can keep them from turning the whole country into a giant plantation because racism and ableism and Mr. Holder deserves to have a good job after his years serving as Attorney General and so what if he's going to be lobbying for a big bank, everyone else is doing it!

So you're racist and a hater.

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:06 PM  

Um...

Y'all...the Daily Currant is a fake news site...like The Onion...

Anonymous Poe Slaw April 27, 2015 12:07 PM  

Porky, it's fake but accurate.

Blogger Noah B April 27, 2015 12:08 PM  

Just wait. It will happen.

Anonymous ticticboom April 27, 2015 12:09 PM  

The only indication it's fake is the fetching coffee thing.

Blogger Salt April 27, 2015 12:09 PM  

None of the banks were prosecuted because "All is Forgiven"

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:11 PM  

The only indication it's fake is the fetching coffee thing.

77mm is a little high for a chief compliance officer.

Anonymous NateM April 27, 2015 12:14 PM  

Only in the government do you fail your way to a 77 million a year job

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:14 PM  

In “Boomtown,” a blockbuster one-hour investigative special that aired Friday on Fox News’ “Hannity,” Peter Schweizer, president of the Government Accountability Institute (GAI), and Steve Bannon, Breitbart News’ Executive Chairman, revealed a study discovered that for every dollar corporations spent on lobbying in 2004, they received $220 in return.

This is a 22,000% return on investment.

Anonymous Huckleberry -- est. 1977 April 27, 2015 12:18 PM  

The Banks were never prosecuted because they paid a premium not to be.
Watch out for the next Supreme Court vacancy.
If it happens within the next 18 months, it's going to Holder.

Anonymous WinstonWebb April 27, 2015 12:19 PM  

Prediction: Before her time is over, Lynch will have us begging for the (by comparison) soft corruption and liberty-defending of Holder.

Anonymous Stilicho April 27, 2015 12:20 PM  

This is a 22,000% return on investment.

I need to hire a personal lobbyist

Blogger James Dixon April 27, 2015 12:22 PM  

> Fake story, bro.

I think he knew that, Porky. The fact that it can be taken seriously tells you all you need to know though.

Blogger GAHCindy April 27, 2015 12:23 PM  

The line about getting coffee didn't tip you off? It's real enough to be good parody, at least. :)

Blogger GAHCindy April 27, 2015 12:23 PM  

The line about getting coffee didn't tip you off? It's real enough to be good parody, at least. :)

Anonymous Stilicho April 27, 2015 12:24 PM  

In “Boomtown,” a blockbuster one-hour investigative special that aired Friday on Fox News’ “Hannity,” Peter Schweizer, president of the Government Accountability Institute (GAI), and Steve Bannon, Breitbart News’ Executive Chairman, revealed a study discovered that for every dollar corporations spent on lobbying in 2004, they received $220 in return.

Warren Buffet famously used to acquire companies that had a competitive "moat"... then he figured out that it was much cheaper to buy companies without such a "moat" then pay some politicians to dig one for him... See, e.g. purchase of BNSF and successful lobbying to prevent Keystone Pipeline, thus keeping the oil moving on Buffet's rails.

Blogger James Dixon April 27, 2015 12:24 PM  

> The line about getting coffee didn't tip you off?

Are you kidding? That was the most realistic detail of the story.

OpenID genericviews April 27, 2015 12:27 PM  

Bribery. Pure and simple. If he were an Air Force General in charge of buying new bombers, who retires and goes to work for Boeing for that kind of money, after Boeing just made a bundle selling new bombers to the USAF, he would be in jail.

As I have said before, they are above the law and they know it. They can be as brazen as they like about it. No one is going to do anything to stop them. Every member of the Obama administration is going to get fabulously wealthy in exchange for being breathing.

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:30 PM  

Bribery. Pure and simple. If he were an Air Force General in charge of buying new bombers, who retires and goes to work for Boeing for that kind of money, after Boeing just made a bundle selling new bombers to the USAF, he would be in jail.

Generals do exactly that, and they aren't in jail.

OpenID genericviews April 27, 2015 12:31 PM  

Fake but totally believable, so what I said still works.

Blogger Jupiter C. April 27, 2015 12:34 PM  

Clever move. There could be no complaint of him becoming a compliance officer since they're in charge of seeing that a bank complies with restrictions & a host of other matters. He's vile. However; he's joined a corporate structure that won't abide his usual bs.

OpenID genericviews April 27, 2015 12:35 PM  

@ josh,
Theoretically, we do still have laws against bribery and corruption. The Generals I know think they are getting all that money because they are great leaders and managers, not for payback.

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:35 PM  

See, e.g. purchase of BNSF and successful lobbying to prevent Keystone Pipeline, thus keeping the oil moving on Buffet's rails.

You mean he's not really just a concerned citizen of Omaha trying to protect the local aquifers?

Blogger LP 999/Eliza April 27, 2015 12:36 PM  

Oh well, a man at work is kept busy and quiet.

Anonymous Stilicho April 27, 2015 12:36 PM  

Hey, the soon to be established Obama Foundation will need a CEO to oversee the "donations".

Anonymous Earl April 27, 2015 12:37 PM  

There are signs that this post by Vox was a false flag operation.

He will surely inform us if it was a serious fake news site, or an unserious fake news site.

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:38 PM  

Hey, the soon to be established Obama Foundation will need a CEO to oversee the "donations".

Don't forget the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Golf Course (now with a new bath house!)

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 12:39 PM  

There are signs that this post by Vox was a false flag operation.

Hey we found the editor of that WND column on the aurora shooting!

Blogger LP 999/Eliza April 27, 2015 12:42 PM  

No, serious post. There was some rumor of Holder going to GSachs not JP.

Blogger LP 999/Eliza April 27, 2015 12:46 PM  

Serious or not Bruce Jenner runs the show! He might as well run for president.

Anonymous Stilicho April 27, 2015 12:50 PM  

OT: Tom Kratman's take on the Red Shoe Brigades is up at everyjoe.com

Blogger David April 27, 2015 12:57 PM  

You know things are bad when it's no longer easy to tell satire from reality.

I lack the data, but suspect that France immediately prior to the French Revolution may have harbored similarities.

Blogger Josh April 27, 2015 1:01 PM  

OT: Tom Kratman's take on the Red Shoe Brigades is up at everyjoe.com

Did you order the code red heels?

Anonymous BW April 27, 2015 1:01 PM  

I absolutely thought this was serious until the fetching coffee line.

Anonymous jack April 27, 2015 1:02 PM  

I keep asking my freshman congress critter why he has not drawn up articles of impeachment against Obama. Seems I may be voting in the primary in 2016 for another congressman. That would be Palmer of the Alabama 6th.

Anonymous Earl April 27, 2015 1:14 PM  

The comment previously entered under my name was written and posted by my editor. My combox editor. Its a kid in China I think. Visit WWW.offshoreyourmmorpg.com to get yours today.

Blogger Poor Guy April 27, 2015 1:18 PM  

This is all about favoritism and rewarding a corrupt man for not prosecuting them for 6 years

Blogger buwaya April 27, 2015 1:19 PM  

If you want ain idea of the situation of France, with a deep dive on the degree of rent seeking and official largesse, I highly recommend Hippolyte Taine, L'Ancien Regime.
In France (partly) it was a matter of French government revenues being sucked up by the enormous payments to individuals who had been granted pensions and maintenance.
Our sort of corruption was moot in old France. Under the traditional system, which wasn't much changed by the revolution, in commercial activities and manufacturing it was typical for the state to grant monopolies. No doubt these were granted, in certain cases, in exchange for favors to officials, but this was not an issue the revolutionaries were much concerned about. The officials themselves mostly survived the revolution while their masters didn't.

Blogger buwaya April 27, 2015 1:24 PM  

A very interesting movie re French style political maneuvering during the monarchy,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ridicule
"Ridicule" by Leconte
The parallels to the modern politics of rhetoric, in the context of a centralizing corporatist culture that is approaching the level of the Bourbon state, are amusing.

Blogger scipio afircanus April 27, 2015 1:26 PM  

"Hey, the soon to be established Obama Foundation will need a CEO to oversee the "donations"." - Stilicho

Stilicho, you should put on black face and apply for a job with them

Blogger rumpole5 April 27, 2015 1:48 PM  

Sites like the Currant and Onion should be worried about actual news sites. It is increasingly difficult to distinguish between outrageous spoof and actual news event.

Anonymous p-dawg April 27, 2015 2:14 PM  

This is how fascism works. I'm not talking about the mis-characterization of totalitarians as "fascists". I mean this is the real thing - the implicit cooperation between government and big business. There is no functional difference between an NGO and the government anymore. The government has its hand out at all steps of all commercial processes and transactions. There is functionally no more private enterprise, as people with business licenses and corporate charters are finding out when they attempt to refuse service to protected classes. We are reaping what was sown long ago. Not by us, but we didn't fix it. So we reap the whirlwind.

Blogger The Deuce April 27, 2015 2:28 PM  

Joke news site: http://dailycurrant.com/2014/12/18/scientists-genetically-engineer-cows-to-produce-orange-juice/

Blogger SirThermite April 27, 2015 3:35 PM  

"He will surely inform us if it was a serious fake news site, or an unserious fake news site."

That was good for a chuckle or two

Anonymous BillB April 27, 2015 4:14 PM  

Vox seems to have a tin ear for satire.

Blogger frigger611 April 27, 2015 4:28 PM  

$77 million? Isn't that about the same amount Franklin Raines got as a bonus for running Fannie/Freddie into the ground and nearly bankrupting the USA?

Blogger Poor Guy April 27, 2015 6:55 PM  

It is a satire site, but something like this is going to happen

Anonymous zen0 April 27, 2015 9:54 PM  

BillB April 27, 2015 4:14 PM

Vox seems to have a tin ear for satire.


Its part of the thing where he can't believe people can't assume the logical progressions he assumes.

Think of the fictional character Sheldon Cooper. He could not understand sarcasm.

Think of Markku....he is an expert in english, but does not always understand figurative language forms, which are used out of their ordinary sense, or place, or manner, in order to attract attention to what is said. The Bible is full examples of this, which is why strictly literal understandings are sometimes wanting.

Anonymous Discard April 27, 2015 10:31 PM  

"By joining J.P. Morgan Chase, I'm simply cutting out the middleman…"

Obviously satire. Eric Holder wouldn't say that in public. I don't think the tin ear is VD's.

Blogger ICG April 28, 2015 12:01 AM  

That piece is satire. Unfortunately, this isn't...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLrHTW-zVWk

Anonymous BillB April 28, 2015 6:35 AM  

Obviously satire. Eric Holder wouldn't say that in public. I don't think the tin ear is VD's.

Okay, but what is Vox's point then? It sounds like he is quoting a satirical (i.e. untrue) article about corruption to prove that the government is corrupt.

Anonymous Discard April 28, 2015 3:33 PM  

BillB: If I can recognize it immediately as satire, I assume that an editor can. I suppose Vox just wanted to share the fun, but if it matters, ask him.

Post a Comment

Rules of the blog
Please do not comment as "Anonymous". Comments by "Anonymous" will be spammed.

<< Home

Newer Posts Older Posts