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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The entertainment apocalypse


Allum Bokhari ‏@LibertarianBlue
@Nero asked me to get him some Skittles and then refused to eat them until I did this. Send help.

Space Bunny ‏@Spacebunnyday
Stop enabling him.

Milo Yiannopoulos ‏@Nero
shut up woman

I have to admit, Milo probably would make for a pretty damn entertaining reality show. He already has cameras and bomb threats following him around everywhere he goes. The problem is that I have this horrible suspicion that Spacebunny's cameos and the two of them sniping at each other would turn out to be some of the most popular parts of the show, leading to a producer give her more air time and get on my case to do something other than sit on my scarlet throne and plot the demise of my enemies.

This week on "The Fabulous", Allum is sent out on an emergency condom run at 4 AM in the red light district of Caracas that goes hilariously awry, Spacebunny and Milo spend an afternoon drinking margaritas and making cruel comments about women who really shouldn't be wearing bikinis on Barra da Tijuca Beach, and after running out of Ristretto capsules, the Supreme Dark Lord is forced to dip into his emergency supply... that turn out to be Vanilla! 

Speaking of entertainment, we have 150 people registered for the Rabid Puppy Hugo Party where we'll be celebrating the Awards ceremony online in an Open Brainstorm event. If you want to join us, you can register here.

UPDATE: And speaking of Sasquan, Hugo Nominee and Riding the Red Horse contributor Ken Burnside gives his "Physics and Space Combat" talk at 8 PM on Thursday.  Strongly recommended. Ken will be hosting an informal get together after the talk that may be of interest to Puppies, Ilk, Minions et al.

Labels: ,

202 Comments:

1 – 200 of 202 Newer› Newest»
Blogger Jew613 August 19, 2015 8:41 AM  

I would watch that. Though they'd have to get shots of Milo and spacebunny critiquing scalzi's latest choice in dresses.

Anonymous Stingray August 19, 2015 8:42 AM  

The fact that everyone is having so much fun plotting their demise, implementing the plans and carrying them out should put fear into their hearts the likes of which they can't possibly understand.

Blogger James Dixon August 19, 2015 8:44 AM  

Well, it would bet the current batch of reality shows by a country mile. I had to look up what Ristretto capsules were though. I hadn't heard of that brand.

Blogger VD August 19, 2015 8:46 AM  

I had to look up what Ristretto capsules were though.

Heathen.

Anonymous Stingray August 19, 2015 8:50 AM  

Will the registration be open until the time of the Brainstorm?

Blogger James Dixon August 19, 2015 8:56 AM  

> Heathen.

What can I say, I don't drink coffee. And that's the least of my sins. Why, I actually own a Ruger Mark II. :)

Blogger Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus August 19, 2015 9:01 AM  

Nero asked me to get him some Skittles

Did you get shot by a White Hispanic on the way back?

Blogger VD August 19, 2015 9:01 AM  

Will the registration be open until the time of the Brainstorm?

No. If you're potentially interested, just sign up. We can hold 500.

Blogger Douglas Wardell August 19, 2015 9:05 AM  

This is how it starts. Before you know it, you'll be telling us to call you Supreme Dark Lady.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 9:06 AM  

I would fear to watch but I could not bear to turn away.


Anonymous Geoff August 19, 2015 9:13 AM  

Alpha move by Milo.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 9:18 AM  

He already has cameras and bomb threats following him around everywhere he goes.

I think Arthur Chu has a secret crush or (*shudder*) something on Milo.

Signed up for the Brainstorm. I'm going try drunk blogging it at my place as well. Hopefully the results will as amusing as they are incoherent.

Blogger VD August 19, 2015 9:22 AM  

This is how it starts. Before you know it, you'll be telling us to call you Supreme Dark Lady.

I wouldn't worry about that.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 9:23 AM  

He already has cameras and bomb threats following him around everywhere he goes.

I'm sure Milo is hoping the feds don't take too much of an interest. His getting shut down for bomb threats only seems to get him more attention and sex.

And lets face it, if they actually investigated it wouldn't take them long to figure out who was doing it.

If it isn't Sissy-boy himself, its got to be one of the Chu-Choos

Anonymous BigGaySteve August 19, 2015 9:40 AM  

Nero asked me to get him some Skittles. Did you get shot by a White Hispanic on the way back?

If Nero worked for the New York times he would have been asking for a black homeless man for rough trade.

Alpha move by Milo. From what I saw on rooshs site, it seems more like shit testing.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 9:47 AM  

Tonight on E, It's Space Bunny and Milo with music by Sissyboy and the Chu-Choos

Blogger Daniel August 19, 2015 9:51 AM  

Have Milo legally adopt BabyMetal in episode two and I'll sign on as executive producer.

Anonymous darkeden August 19, 2015 10:00 AM  

Lurker delurking here. I'm actually at Sasquan. Now granted this is the first thing I've ever posted here, so this might seem suspicious but anyone else out there actually attending in the flesh?

Anonymous Geoff August 19, 2015 10:00 AM  

"seems more like shit testing" - BGS

I was thinking of it in terms of Milo making the other guy qualify himself.

But if Milo were the girl in this scenario (and perhaps he is!), it probably is indeed a shit test. Good point.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:08 AM  

"What can I say, I don't drink coffee. And that's the least of my sins. Why, I actually own a Ruger Mark II. :)"

that's not that bad... now if it were a mini-14...

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:08 AM  

Guys... don't apply game theory to Lamdas.

It doesn't work.

None of it translates.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:09 AM  

"Lurker delurking here. I'm actually at Sasquan. Now granted this is the first thing I've ever posted here, so this might seem suspicious but anyone else out there actually attending in the flesh?"

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!!!!!


Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:13 AM  

No seriously... @18 your mission... is to document unintentional comedy... photos videos... whatever... and send it to us... so that we may enjoy and broadcast.

So... that fat guy in a bad wizard costume? we need pics of him. also... we need per capita estimates of people in wheel chairs due to lardassedness.

Anonymous Huckleberry August 19, 2015 10:19 AM  

@18 - Admiral Akbar says...

Anonymous Viidad August 19, 2015 10:22 AM  

"So... that fat guy in a bad wizard costume? we need pics of him. also... we need per capita estimates of people in wheel chairs due to lardassedness"

WHY DO YOU HATE THE FANDOM WE LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SO DEEPLY????

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:24 AM  

"WHY DO YOU HATE THE FANDOM WE LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SO DEEPLY????"

Because it sucks. And its sucking has destroyed the books and works of authors that I loved. And because I haven't been able to read awesome sci fi for like 15 years... because of fandoms sucky suckedness.

Anonymous BGS August 19, 2015 10:25 AM  

Guys... don't apply game theory to Lamdas. It doesn't work. None of it translates.

When I read about shit testing it explained a who lot.

"So... that fat guy in a bad wizard costume?""might seem suspicious but anyone else out there actually attending in the flesh.

That's me, and I put in extra padding to hide my recording equipment & battery packs, the camera lens are jewels on the robe. The antenna is in my hat. I will provide full 360 degree coverage.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:26 AM  

we need a hashtag to broadcast all of the unintentional comedy from worldcon

Anonymous Steve August 19, 2015 10:29 AM  

Whatchu talkin bout, Nate?

Blogger Douglas Wardell August 19, 2015 10:31 AM  

@28 we need a hashtag to broadcast all of the unintentional comedy from worldcon

#WorldConmedy?

Anonymous Steve August 19, 2015 10:36 AM  

#FatLivesMatter

Blogger Joshua Dyal August 19, 2015 10:45 AM  

So... that fat guy in a bad wizard costume? we need pics of him. also... we need per capita estimates of people in wheel chairs due to lardassedness.

When I went to GenCon oh... almost ten years ago now, there was a tradition that one new release product was going to be the "hot" one that everybody wanted and supply would certainly be insufficient to meet demand. On opening day of the dealer hall, the rush to get a copy while it was still available was dubbed—by a friend of mine—as "The Running of the Fatbeards."

Running might have been a bit optimistic for them, though. It was more of a semi-rapid shuffle for most of them.

Anonymous darkeden August 19, 2015 10:49 AM  

I'll try to update the more interesting/horrifying things I run into here. So far... man. Combine the Innsmouth Look with the people in a Rob Zombie movie and you have the typical Worldcon goer. You could pretty much snap pictures at random and get a horrifying cross sample. My wife and I are nothing to write home about, and are both pretty dorky and doofy but the people here are in an entirely different classification. Its a combination of a near complete lack of social skill combined with an aggressive belief they are smarter and better than everyone else. People usually either just stare at us (especially at my wife), or if they do try to talk to us, launch into a longwinded thing about how long they've been going to Worldcons. We're both geeks and love geek culture. We can go to weird ass cons and have an immediate sense of being welcomed into the community. Not here. Its extremely off putting.

Anonymous Krul August 19, 2015 10:52 AM  

darkeden,

Try mentioning puppies to someone. See what happens.

Blogger Brad Andrews August 19, 2015 10:53 AM  

I thought you had the components for some new Euro game....

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:54 AM  

"Try mentioning puppies to someone. See what happens."

NO

DO NOT DO THIS

Your intel is to valuable to blow

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 10:55 AM  

actually you've probably already given away to much info... they can ID you now because you're the only guy there with an actual female companion.

Blogger Sad Puppy August 19, 2015 10:55 AM  

@31
I'm going to have to start listening to "Hot Rails to Hell" from BOC whenever i click on your links. Because some of them come close to "Burn Your Eyes Out" territory.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 10:58 AM  

@Nate

Because it sucks. And its sucking has destroyed the books and works of authors that I loved. And because I haven't been able to read awesome sci fi for like 15 years... because of fandoms sucky suckedness.

I'm certain it's all a Hollywood lie but the trailer for The Martian looks AWESOME!

I mean it's got to be a lie. Sure it's directed by Ridley Scott but it stars Matt Damon. It's all a cruel trick Intellectually I know this.

I'm just hoping it's not.

(*poor deluded Cataline*)

Anonymous Viidad August 19, 2015 10:59 AM  

Ask The Aardvark about the sci-fi "con culture" he's experienced some time... once the shuddering, blinking and jerking eye movements stop, he has some great stories, all delivered in a quiet and blank monotone as if he's somewhere far off in the part of his mind where they can't hurt him anymore.

Anonymous Mike M. August 19, 2015 11:00 AM  

James Dixon @6:
Ruger Mark II? If you want to be a minion here, you really need to upgrade. We've got standards, you know. Vox is in Italy, maybe he can get you a deal on a Pardini SP.

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 11:05 AM  

Sorry, can't make the on-line Hugo party - gotta be a Sasquan in person. A difficult job, to be sure, but some of us have to take one for the team.

Vox - Any other Castalia House nominees going to be there other than Wright and Burnside? I assume Write will be the designated statue collector for any winners that were not physically present.

@18 , I'm going over Thursday (have a job interview today) - will try to hit the 1PM mil SF thing, the 2PM violence, sex, and teen readers" panel to see what they are saying about the current dreck, and Ken's seminar at 8 pm "Ken ruins space opera." Saturday I might try to sign of for a Scalzi Kaffee Klatche :-), then perhaps "the future of the economy". After that it might be all Hugo related stuff. Makes me wish I had a rabid puppy T to wear under a shirt-gate Hawaiian :-) I'd love to meet any of the dread ilk, VFM, bitter clingers, etc.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:06 AM  

"I'm just hoping it's not. "

Dude. You can tell its going to suck from one line. "I'm going to have to science the hell out of this."

That right there tells you the movie is going suck balls.

Anonymous Viidad August 19, 2015 11:07 AM  

@Nate

Yep. The term should be "redneck," not "science."

Anonymous cheddarman August 19, 2015 11:10 AM  

1) Who is Milo?

2) Ristretto capsules sound like a frankenfood abomination. You loose all of the air sensitive flavor notes in the capsule manufacturing process. It sounds like processed cheese but worse.

Blogger Quizzer W August 19, 2015 11:12 AM  

Can't do the brainstorm as I will be attending Sasquan. Will be updating Tempest in a Teardrop website with regular reports. Some may contain actual information! First report (testing, testing) should be up later today. Should the technology hold, and fires in eastern Washington subside a bit (kinda have to drive thru there) we'll be arriving Thursday mid-day.

Must... fight... temptation... to... ask... Scalzi... to sign... printed copy... of cartoon strip... where cartoon character Scalzi/Bunnyboy single-handedly defeats GamerGate... using The Force...

Cause that'll get us booted out for sure ;)

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 11:12 AM  

@Nate

You will note Cataline is managing his expectations with a very heavy hand.

Blogger Jack Ward August 19, 2015 11:16 AM  

Any word on possible live feeds via net from the Sasquan festivities up to and including the awards ceremony? I know there is a brainstorm for that time but was unclear if it included a feed. I could find nothing on the Sasquan site about feeds. Thanks.

Anonymous Porky August 19, 2015 11:18 AM  

Did no puppy think to Periscope Sasquan?

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:20 AM  

"You will note Cataline is managing his expectations with a very heavy hand."

When it comes to The Martian... I've got 2 words for ya.



No.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:22 AM  

this is going to be a great week.

Blogger Jack Ward August 19, 2015 11:24 AM  

@39 Cataline
Very much enjoyed book, The Martian. I suspect they did not follow the book to the rigor I would have liked but, it may be ok.
They never do, although, someone messed up with the Hunt for Red October and got the movie right. Unforgiveable!

Blogger Brad Andrews August 19, 2015 11:30 AM  

OT Nate: I got my hunter to 18. A bit stuck on the end of the mission on the moon where you get 3 waves at the end, but I almost got it once.

Thanks for the push. Most things can be handled by hanging back and hiding a bit.

I wish it was easier to group. (Destiny/PS4)

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:32 AM  

end mission on the moon? I'm confused. at level 18 you should be able to walk through anything on the moon easy solo.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:35 AM  

as for groups... most things have built in match making that require a group... the stuff that doesn't have match making is the extremely difficult stuff that requires tons of planning and team work and comms to accomplish. So they want you playing with people you know.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:37 AM  

but you can get tons of enjoyment out of destiny without ever running the raids.

Anonymous Giuseppe The Kurgan August 19, 2015 11:37 AM  

Heathen.

Ristretto "capsules"?? And you call him heathen?
Your vile American Imperialism has corrupted proper coffee making! You need to grind the bean by hand, then place it in the proper caffettiera and heat slowly over a gas hob. Anything else is a corruption, a perversion and a philistinic act of barbarism.
And no nonsense about "convenience" that's what vile faceless minions are for.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:42 AM  

"You need to grind the bean by hand, then place it in the proper caffettiera and heat slowly over a gas hob. Anything else is a corruption, a perversion and a philistinic act of barbarism."

Proper coffee comes from a percolator.

Anonymous Salt August 19, 2015 11:45 AM  

I use a Starbucks machine. Pop in the capsule, coffee. Caffein.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 11:51 AM  

"I use a Starbucks machine. Pop in the capsule, coffee. Caffein. "

YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!!!

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 11:55 AM  

@57 and @58 . Folgers from Costco, bought on sale and stockpiled. Then run through a Technicavorm Mochamaster.
Yuppers, heathen describes me well :-)

Anonymous Athor Pel August 19, 2015 11:59 AM  

Coffee blasphemy. All here are uttering coffee blalsphemy.

But Nate's is funny at least.

Percolator. My god. To put this in perspective. That's like storing cigars in your freezer, with onions, for weeks, and then lighting it from a natural gas flame with too much mercaptan in it. And then smoking it wrong by going too fast.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 12:02 PM  

"Proper coffee comes from a percolator."

Thought for sure you were a cowboy coffee man.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

Blogger ray August 19, 2015 12:09 PM  

"Its a combination of a near complete lack of social skill combined with an aggressive belief they are smarter and better than everyone else."


With a side of spoiled-bratness. Tremendous 'tudes on persons who have never accomplished anything in their entire lives, beyond the deeds of a South American River Leech.

What they need is a good slap across the chops. Two for the cosplayers. Boot-camp might help but I suppose even Basic is wimpized by now.

... pair of Farmer-Johns and four or five years harvesting squash and beets. No playing Dress-up and I'm Special. Who knows? there might be an actual man inside some of them. Somewhere. Way down there.

Anonymous Huckleberry August 19, 2015 12:09 PM  

My God In Heaven - not the Coffee Wars again.
Y'all go on and on about the gore of the Pulverized Equine of Japanese West Coast Invasion, but that's a sunny day in Subic Bay compared to the Hanoi Hilton of Horrors that lies down this road of What Is Good Coffee, And Why You Suck At It.
This is going to end badly.
Very badly.
Stop.
Just stop it now before there's no walking it back.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 12:10 PM  

" That's like storing cigars in your freezer, with onions, for weeks, and then lighting it from a natural gas flame with too much mercaptan in it. And then smoking it wrong by going too fast."

this reminds me that the only the only snobs I hate worse than beer snobs... are coffee snobs.

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 12:12 PM  

@57. Giuseppe The Kurgan

So running over the beans, a couple of time in my '69 Charger won't cut it?

(*Cataline's sad, sad clown face*)

Anonymous Athor Pel August 19, 2015 12:13 PM  

"61. RolfAugust 19, 2015 11:55 AM
@57 and @58 . Folgers from Costco, bought on sale and stockpiled. Then run through a Technicavorm Mochamaster.
Yuppers, heathen describes me well :-)
"



Why? Why would you do that? A Technivorm is one of the best drip coffee makers in the world and you're putting Folgers through it? Might as well use sulphur water from a well that went through a coal seam to make it complete.

Is there something broken in your soul? Is that what's wrong?

Anonymous Giuseppe The Kurgan August 19, 2015 12:14 PM  

Proper coffee comes from a percolator

What are you a Methodist?!?
Even the Cannibals in Papua New Guinea know better than the abominations of which you gibber.

Blogger Brad Andrews August 19, 2015 12:19 PM  

Not the end mission, the one where the Speaker is being kept, or something like that. The 3 levels of swarming enemies at the end is what gets me. I am OK with lots of things, but swarms are still a challenge if I can't stick myself in a safe corner.

I think the Troll in wave 3 got me when I tried it. I have not been back for 4-6 levels, so it may be possible now. I just have to take the time to try in the next few days.

Blogger Brad Andrews August 19, 2015 12:19 PM  

It is after you kill the 3 witches.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 12:23 PM  

Somewhere in Alabama, I'm pretty sure

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 12:24 PM  

@4 "I had to look up what Ristretto capsules were though.

Heathen."

Thanks a lot, that sounds awesome, but now I'm on an obsessive quest to find someplace near Austin that serves this. I don't think anyone makes a Ristretto capsule for my Tassimo machine....but I haven't looked yet.....can we buy Cuban cigars yet?

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 19, 2015 12:27 PM  

Proper coffee comes from a percolator.

And Vox calls himself a cruelty artist.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 12:31 PM  

" . . .can we buy Cuban cigars yet?"

Soon and very soon . . .

Anonymous DreadIlk_ZT (Formerly ZT) August 19, 2015 12:37 PM  

Signed up for the broadcast mostly to see if sanity has come forth of if next year is bonfire time.

Anonymous Jack Amok August 19, 2015 12:38 PM  

This week on "The Fabulous", Allum is sent out on an emergency condom run at 4 AM in the red light district of Caracas that goes hilariously awry, Spacebunny and Milo spend an afternoon drinking margaritas and making cruel comments about women who really shouldn't be wearing bikinis on Barra da Tijuca Beach, and after running out of Ristretto capsules, the Supreme Dark Lord is forced to dip into his emergency supply... that turn out to be Vanilla!

Stay tuned to find out who calls in this week's celebrity guest bomb threat!

Blogger beerme #0183 August 19, 2015 12:43 PM  

I use a Starbucks machine. Pop in the capsule, coffee. Caffein.
Why not chew on a piece of charcoal and take a caffeine pill?

Anonymous Quartermaster August 19, 2015 12:44 PM  

@69
John Wesley called. Methodists use the proper method for brewing coffee. Percs are just too Calvinist..

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 12:45 PM  

@66."this reminds me that the only the only snobs I hate worse than beer snobs... are coffee snobs"

Except those damn whiskey snobs.....btw, I've been working on a bottle of Dickel #12, what's your snobby opinion?


Cowboy coffee done right is more than tolerable....

Anonymous Athor Pel August 19, 2015 12:56 PM  

"66. Nate August 19, 2015 12:10 PM
...
this reminds me that the only the only snobs I hate worse than beer snobs... are coffee snobs.
"



I'm busting some chops for fun and you gotta break out the hate. That's a pussy move. You gonna channel Bane now and start crying about your feelings?

You're likely pulling our chain with the percolator crack but it's obvious you don't give a shit about coffee and never have. So why does it matter to you that other people do give a shit?

Actually, I don't think you even know what a coffee snob really is. You have no idea of the depths of depravity a coffee geek will go to attain perfection in a cup. I could share what I've seen over the years but I'm thinking it would traumatize you.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 12:56 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 12:58 PM  

"Why not chew on a piece of charcoal and take a caffeine pill?"

Could also go smokeless.

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 1:05 PM  

I have fond memories of Cowboy coffee with my maternal Grandfather. Of course, that old coot could burn water and boil bread, so the coffee was the one thing from our breakfasts that actual resembled what it was supposed to be.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 1:07 PM  

@81 "You have no idea of the depths of depravity a coffee geek will go to attain perfection in a cup."

Green beans delivered everyday, roasted and ground every morning, french pressed to high tolerance temp/time specifications...not me....worked with a guy.....he let me sample some from time to time.....a religious experience....really.....

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 1:07 PM  

@83 Ok, I am ordering a bunch of that "Pinch in a cup" to give to my cousins for Christmas! Up until we had kids, we would make one pot of "Grandpa's" coffee at Christmas.

Stopped when my cousin's son asked why we were drinking something with little mouse turds in it.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 1:10 PM  

"I have fond memories of Cowboy coffee with my maternal Grandfather."

Like a lot of things, there's something satisfying about the entire ritual of brewing a good pot of coffee.

Nothing beats a French press.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 1:11 PM  

"Stopped when my cousin's son asked why we were drinking something with little mouse turds in it."

Out of the mouth of babes . . .

Blogger ajw308 (#98) August 19, 2015 1:12 PM  

I don't get it. Why are all the women pictured dressed up as the secretary from the Drew Cary Show?

Blogger ajw308 (#98) August 19, 2015 1:17 PM  

I use a Starbucks machine
There's a gun shop here in town that'll run you out of the store if you walk in with a Starbucks cup due to Starbucks anti-gun financial support. Poor bastard was let back in after he left his cup in his rig.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 1:24 PM  

I have a Starbucks cup......local shops don't post 30.06 signs around here....it rarely has a Starbucks product in it.......

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 1:26 PM  

"I have a Starbucks cup......local shops don't post 30.06 signs around here....it rarely has a Starbucks product in it......."

You should avoid even the appearance of evil.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:29 PM  

...

forgive me... I live on the other side of the big river.

isn't cowboy coffee... percolator coffee?

Anonymous bgs August 19, 2015 1:32 PM  

My God In Heaven - not the Coffee Wars again.

If you where as pretentious about coffee as most gay men my love. The Hugo award winning story of beans and water.

Stay tuned to find out who calls in this week's celebrity guest bomb threat!

They only do it once a month. Last months was the Cast of the Fantastic 4 movie with johnny storm replaced by burnt toast.

game theory to Lamdas. It doesn't work. None of it translates

For most gays the way to predict how they will act is to ask what a middle school girl would do, even RN's with masters degrees.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 1:35 PM  

Being east of the big river, you're probably more "hi-tech" . . .

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:36 PM  

a wise old man once told me to disregard the opinion of any man that claims to love coffee but doesn't use a Bunn.

He said a Bunn is the only thing that can match up production to demand... and if demand wasn't great enough to require a Bunn... then they were only pretending to like coffee.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:37 PM  

also... the best coffee isn't found in some faggy little coffee house... or dunkin donuts.

The best coffee is found in giant interstate truck stops like Flying J and Pilot. Its a religion to those people.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:40 PM  

"Being east of the big river, you're probably more "hi-tech" . . . "

meaning the percolator is stilling on a stove?

I have that... but my every day coffee production is a badass plummed in commercial unit that produces giant amounts.

Because I like coffee.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 1:44 PM  

"The best coffee is found in giant interstate truck stops like Flying J and Pilot. Its a religion to those people."

Now you're just yankin' my tassels . . . unless 10/30 motor oil is your thing . . . then by all means . . .

Best coffee I had: every hotel we stayed at in Israel. I remember as a kid my German cousin referring to American coffee as "kinder pee-pee." I was only 8 or 9 at the time. Now, I get it.

Anonymous DE August 19, 2015 1:47 PM  

Day two, the crowd has improved considerably, though now there's the vacant eyed fossilized truefen combined with neon haired angry faced tumblrinas and a scattering of friendly open geeks here to have fun. There's a party at the end of the con called the "Dead Dog" party. Three guesses what that's about. I'll try to work the puppies into conversation somewhere and see what reactions are like. My wife is already starting to tally the number of people who stare at her like zombies when she smiles at them and says hello.

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 1:48 PM  

Nate,
Cowboy coffee is when you put the grounds in the pot with the water. Sort of like a percolator coffee, but without the pretensions to greatness. It comes from the time were you didn't have the resources to do a fancy brew, and stayed because some old man forces his grandkids to drink it during some drives.

And I agree with you about the truck stop and greasy spoon coffee. If you are new to an area, and like coffee, find out where the truckers, cops, and (if applicable) farmers go for their fuel. Best mug of coffee I have ever had was in Valentine, Nebraska at large truck stop. If I didn't know better, they brewed with cocaine. Keep me going all the way to Cheyenne. Can't even remember the name of the place, but a tour bus drive said he always stopped there to get a jolt.

Blogger James Dixon August 19, 2015 1:49 PM  

> Somewhere in Alabama, I'm pretty sure...

Oh, we've got that beat:

http://www.awmok.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/teapot-4.jpg

Blogger automatthew August 19, 2015 1:50 PM  

* green coffee, roasted to taste, rested at least 24 hours, used within a week
* high quality burr grinder
* pour over filter, vacuum brewer, french press, or AeroPress
* water between 195 and 205 degrees F.

Anything less is waste.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:52 PM  

"Now you're just yankin' my tassels . ."

I'm not. The people there are psycho about having fresh coffee. Test me on. Next time you're on the big road stop in a pilot or flying j and get a cup of whatever you like. You will love it.

Blogger James Dixon August 19, 2015 1:53 PM  

> Cowboy coffee is when you put the grounds in the pot with the water.

Now, I remember stove top percolators from when I was a kid, so I'm sure they've been around for quite a while and would work fine for that purpose. So why not use them?

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:53 PM  

"Cowboy coffee is when you put the grounds in the pot with the water. Sort of like a percolator coffee, but without the pretensions to greatness."

I've never known anyone to call a percolator pretentious. I figured that was reserved for the French Press fags.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 1:55 PM  

"* green coffee, roasted to taste, rested at least 24 hours, used within a week
* high quality burr grinder
* pour over filter, vacuum brewer, french press, or AeroPress
* water between 195 and 205 degrees F."

This the gayest thing ever posted here.

And yes.. I'm including BGS's posts about cocaine and boys in that assessment.

Blogger James Dixon August 19, 2015 1:56 PM  

While I almost never drink coffee, I can somewhat back Nate up on the relative quality of the Flying J and Pilot stuff. the people I've talked to swear by it.

Now mind you, most people who've tried it think my tea makes most peoples coffee taste like tap water, so...

Blogger Chiva August 19, 2015 1:56 PM  

I make high-brow Cowboy coffee. I use a dirty sock to hold the grounds in the pot of water.

Blogger automatthew August 19, 2015 1:59 PM  

I'm a winner.

Anonymous Stingray August 19, 2015 2:00 PM  

I've had two types of memorable coffee in my life. The coffee made in a percolator while camping and the coffee in Switzerland.

We have a saying when we have a remarkably good cup of coffee, "this is camping coffee good". Though it's very different than Swiss coffee. You almost can't compare the two.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:01 PM  

@92 "You should avoid even the appearance of evil."

I'm not St. Patrick....

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:01 PM  

people claiming to like coffee... then prancing around like special princesses like its only good if its made one way remind me of 23 year old girls claiming to like tequila because they had a margarita.

Blogger automatthew August 19, 2015 2:02 PM  

Nate, some folks take as much care with their coffee as a good distiller does with his whiskey.

Others, apparently, are fine with the equivalent of the moonshiners' method of just throwing some deer corn in tubs of water and coming back in a few weeks to see if it has fermented enough.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:03 PM  

"We have a saying when we have a remarkably good cup of coffee, "this is camping coffee good". "

That's funny... my wife and I actually have a similar saying... and it so happens that we also learned the love of percolator coffee while camping.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:05 PM  

"Nate, some folks take as much care with their coffee as a good distiller does with his whiskey."

a man that takes that kind of time... doesn't like it as much as he thinks he does.

Blogger automatthew August 19, 2015 2:05 PM  

"Discard the heads and tails? Pussy."

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:05 PM  

If he did like it... it wouldn't matter that much.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:08 PM  

""Discard the heads and tails? Pussy."

I don't eat things with prions. so that's the head. I've eaten plenty of tail in my time though

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:09 PM  

@111 Nate: "people claiming to like coffee... then prancing around like special princesses like its only good if its made one way"

No prancing involved, I'm usually helping drain the last few dregs of whatever is brewed after Liturgy....it's coffee....I drink it ... no matter how strong or weak.....but when I get home I brew what I prefer......

So what's your verdict on Dickel #12 ? I'm liking it so far......then again I also drink R&R CW......usually mixed tho'....

Blogger automatthew August 19, 2015 2:10 PM  

Heads and tails from distilling, I mean.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:10 PM  

"So what's your verdict on Dickel #12 ? I'm liking it so far......then again I also drink R&R CW......usually mixed tho'...."

can't say Patrick... I've not had anythink by Dickle in over a decade I'd wager. And that's on me... generally speaking they make good whiskey... a couple standard deviations better than the swill put out by JD.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:12 PM  

@116 "a man that takes that kind of time... doesn't like it as much as he thinks he does."

Like those silly Scotts who age their whiskey...oh..yeah....you only like the young 'merkin stuff....nmd.......

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:15 PM  

" . . . a man that takes that kind of time... doesn't like it as much as he thinks he does.""

Yeah ... the eternity it takes to grind some beans and boil water.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:17 PM  

"We have a saying when we have a remarkably good cup of coffee, "this is camping coffee good". "

Everything is "camping something" good . . . 'cuz you're camping!

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:21 PM  

"Everything is "camping something" good . . . 'cuz you're camping! "

to clarify...

we were camping in an $300k RV.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:22 PM  

@122 "good whiskey... a couple standard deviations better than the swill put out by JD."

Good....it'll be my replacement for mm ("YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!!!") for a while....

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:23 PM  

"we were camping in an $300k RV."

*Facepalm*

I'm . . . speechless.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:23 PM  

@126 "we were camping in an $300k RV."

"camping"..heh heh....

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:24 PM  

"Like those silly Scotts who age their whiskey...oh..yeah....you only like the young 'merkin stuff....nmd......."

aging 5 years in KY is like again 30 up in those shit hole islands.

but you're talking about mass production vs cooking something at home.

Open... pour... drink.

It doesn't matter what whiskey it is... that is all it takes. if you have to have some magic amount of water.. or ice... or this or that to make you like it... then you don't like it.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:25 PM  

""camping"..heh heh...."

so if you had a $300k RV... you'd sleep in a tent?

Anonymous Stingray August 19, 2015 2:27 PM  

@126

we were camping in an $300k RV.

Did you at least make the coffee outside?

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:28 PM  

"so if you had a $300k RV... you'd sleep in a tent?"

Well no, but I wouldn't tell people I went *camping* either . . .

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:30 PM  

wierd... we were in a campground... and we rented a campsite...

and people beside just down from us were in tents.

sure sounds like camping.

What else would you call it?

Does CampingWorld.com know they don't actually sell stuff for camping?

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:31 PM  

Nate, do you never mix anything at all?

I generally don't mix something I wouldn't drink straight, unless it's a gift or something.....but sometimes I'm actually thirsty, and pour a glass of club soda over ice.....if I don't want alcohol I'll add some kind of tea or juice.....if I want alcohol I'll pour some in.....usually whiskey if there is not any vodka, tequilla, or rum near by.......this is usually after enjoying a shot or two of whiskey straight......

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:32 PM  

"What else would you call it?"

Sounds like parking.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:32 PM  

In a campground . . .

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 2:33 PM  

I hear Walmart has campsites.....

Anonymous BGS August 19, 2015 2:42 PM  

we were camping in an $300k RV.

"This the gayest thing ever posted here.And yes.. I'm including BGS's posts about cocaine and boys in that assessment."
If you where camping in an $300k RV on a Walmart Parking lot my love The Hugo Award winning tale of roughing it with your "wife's" glock

there's no possible way the official story is true. But how could that many people keep it a secret?

Epstein islands blackmail video collection

CoincidenceTheorist pattern that has the FEDs finding the bad guys really really quickly the bigger the event

They quickly caught the Hispanic seen on security footage tossing 8yo white girl Madelyn's body into a dumpster after he raped her to death in a suburb of San Fran, while lame stream news covered Cecil. Maybe it was a straight white church going Christian man that tricked him into throwing the body away where a camera could catch it. National high def media cameras covered the Marathon.

There were over 300 rounds fired into the boat Tsarnev was hiding in.He was unarmed.

He was armed when he carjacked a guy with a coexist bumper sticker.

If doctors or nurses were able to write books on what they see day in day out, most people would probably claim it was fabricated.

Some people rubberneck at car crashes on the side of the road others can take off bloody scrubs/gloves and eat right away. Blood doesn't usually squirt all over the place like a Tarintino movie, if it did ER ceilings would have to be painted red.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:43 PM  

"I hear Walmart has campsites....."

We've done that quite a bit. in fact almost every trip at least one night is spent in a walmart parking lot. glorious fun. the people watching cannot be beat.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:46 PM  

"Nate, do you never mix anything at all?"

JAC and I used to put some black powder into a shot of bourbon on motorcycle rides. Does that count?

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:50 PM  

"If you where camping in an $300k RV on a Walmart Parking lot my love The Hugo Award winning tale of roughing it with your "wife's" glock"

hey!

I didn't say I was roughing it. I said I was camping.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 2:50 PM  

"roughing it" is what we call it when dumb people camp.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 2:50 PM  

"we were camping in an $300k RV."

If the ilk meet in Alabama next year, I call the RV , so I can tell my wife I was camping.

"'the people watching cannot be beat."

On any given day. Can't argue with that. Calling it "people" watching might be a bit of a stretch though . . .

Anonymous BGS August 19, 2015 2:51 PM  

Nate since you like Flying J coffee what do you use when cleaning your guns?

Blogger LP999/S.I.G. August 19, 2015 2:51 PM  

More SB, More Milo!!

It is thinsperation.

Last year this time I was sleeping in my car at walmarts. I was not alone and it was beneath rock bottom. For me its camping.

Duran Duran, girls on film just started playing or I'm so under the influ, I'm not sure what is playing. Time to leave the pc!

Anonymous Stingray August 19, 2015 2:53 PM  

I don't care where you sleep, but if you're using your percolator inside, it's not the same. Try making it on your camp stove and the colder it is out (within reason) the better it tastes.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 3:04 PM  

"roughing it" is what we call it when dumb people camp.'

Awww . . . just enjoy giving you a little crap. With the wife and ten kids, campers are definitely the way to go. Beats airing our the sleeping bags and air mattresses after a night of *accidents*.

I save "roughing it" for myself, my older boys and my brother.

Blogger Bluntobj Winz August 19, 2015 3:05 PM  

If you're looking for a good place to eat at sasquan, head to the other end of town and hit Scratch and the Rain Lounge, Nudo for noodles, and Clinkerdaggers for the prime rib. SushiMaru does a decent track at lunchtime, but their evening fare is not as good. Main Market if you are into organic. For coffee, The Rocket or Thomas Hammer if you want local.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 3:05 PM  

"Nate since you like Flying J coffee what do you use when cleaning your guns?"

I spray it all down with gun scrubber... then run hoppes #9 on some important bits here and there... and then oil it all up with remoil or something similar.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 3:06 PM  

"On any given day. Can't argue with that. Calling it "people" watching might be a bit of a stretch though . . ."

I thought of a making a wildlife joke in there...

Anonymous BGS August 19, 2015 3:07 PM  

"roughing it" is what we call it when dumb people camp.

That $300k RV will not help you during the nigapocalypse, but knowing how to build a shelter will. Kind of how inoculated logs are better than mushrooms at walmart.

With the wife and ten kids, campers are definitely the way to go.

I didn't know you are Hasidic.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 3:23 PM  

"That $300k RV will not help you during the nigapocalypse, but knowing how to build a shelter will. Kind of how inoculated logs are better than mushrooms at walmart."

You're quite incorrect. A large house on wheels is in fact ideal for such situations.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 3:30 PM  

""roughing it" is what we call it when dumb people camp." touche...indeed......heh...

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 3:41 PM  

The best thing to mix is Bambi and lead. You get a fine blend called "venison."

But that's a different thread. Or rather, threads - orange and camo.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 3:51 PM  

"But that's a different thread."

I don't know. This thread ended up pretty eclectic:

Anything from Ristretto capsules to Walmart camping to the fine points of percolators and gun cleaning. What didn't we cover?

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 4:02 PM  

you left out mixing gun powder and bourbon.

Blogger Salt August 19, 2015 4:08 PM  

this reminds me that the only the only snobs I hate worse than beer snobs... are coffee snobs

Just fired up the Starbucks "Verismo" Coffee Machine. Caffein. Hey, Nate... Verismo, that's like Italian man!

Anonymous Athor Pel August 19, 2015 4:19 PM  

"96. NateAugust 19, 2015 1:36 PM
a wise old man once told me to disregard the opinion of any man that claims to love coffee but doesn't use a Bunn.

He said a Bunn is the only thing that can match up production to demand... and if demand wasn't great enough to require a Bunn... then they were only pretending to like coffee."




Bunn is one of the few American drip machine manufacturers that puts out water at the right temperature. The reason the old man talked about speed of production is because Bunn machines also run the water through the coffee very fast compared to other company's machines.

The rest of Nate's comments about coffee prove he likes weak ass coffee made with stale beans. Which is typical for the American coffee drinker that get their stale coffee grounds from the grocery store.

There's an historical reason Americans typically drink stale weak coffee. Right around the time American coffee companies began selling pre-roasted and pre-ground beans American manufacturing companies saw that providing free coffee for their employees improved productivity but in order to allow those employees to drink it all day it had to be made weaker. You see coffee has some things in it that mess with your digestion if too much of it is consumed. You will dump everything in your lower intestine once you reach that point. Of course this point is different for everybody.

In other words, Americans used to buy their beans green and roast and grind those beans themselves. They knew what fresh coffee tasted like and made it stout because they wanted to actually taste it. It took a few generations of corporate coffee consumer brain washing to destroy that coffee culture. But we are bringing it back one cup at a time.

Blogger Salt August 19, 2015 4:24 PM  

Local coffee shop here, few years ago, roasted their own beans. Owner once brought the roaster inside. Smoked the place up bad. Good coffee, though.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 4:27 PM  

"The rest of Nate's comments about coffee prove he likes weak ass coffee made with stale beans."

Definitely applies to Flying J and Pilot. It's been awhile, many years ago since that 'interesting' experience. They are both ten minutes from my house. Fresh? Really? Coffee that has been slow cooking on the warmer for a few days mixed with the fine aroma of cigarettes must be an acquired taste. But I suppose most things that taste like warm horse piss are probably an acquired taste.

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 4:28 PM  

"coffee has some things in it that mess with your digestion "

Drinking a smooth cup o jo, smoking a good cigar, and eating something chocolate...... best laxative ever.....

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 4:29 PM  

Athor Pel,

I have some rather strict views on coffee. The "priming the bomb" comment is a good indication that it is working.

However "Plant coffee" is a different brand s of swill. It isn't about being weaker so you can drink it all day, it is about cost. The free coffee doesn't have all coffee in it. There is a number of fillers. So we have a collection for the good stuff, and use it to fire up the troops that need something a little more than Folgers.

My current experiment is from Black Rifle Coffee Company. Pretty good.

Roasting the beans yourself? At some point you pass from morning fuel to shamanistic ritual. I have done it, it was very good, but I am not getting up early to do that every day. Maybe on a slow Saturday.

Blogger SirHamster (#201) August 19, 2015 4:29 PM  

Anything from Ristretto capsules to Walmart camping to the fine points of percolators and gun cleaning. What didn't we cover?

NFL. And futbol.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 4:29 PM  

""The rest of Nate's comments about coffee prove he likes weak ass coffee made with stale beans.""

weak coffee! HA! yeah... ok... c'mon by some time and I'll make ya a cup.

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 4:31 PM  

Rabbi,
Give it a try. They changed the whole coffee business at many of the truck stops. At first, they were trying to compete with Starbucks, then they decided to make coffee for people who like coffee.

There is a big difference from some truck stop coffee from 10 years ago and today.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 4:31 PM  

"weak coffee! HA! yeah... ok... c'mon by some time and I'll make ya a cup."

Gun powder, per chance?

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 4:33 PM  

"Definitely applies to Flying J and Pilot. It's been awhile, many years ago since that 'interesting' experience. They are both ten minutes from my house"

you must have some really shitty truck stops around you place. Ive seen people put lasers on the coffee in flying j before and the temp was like 203. Odds are at that temp it was just made.

as for the bunn... we've had several.. but we finally broke down and got the full commercial plumbed in job.

Because again... we really

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 4:33 PM  

like coffee.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 4:45 PM  

@Redjack, @Nate

Well, I might just be persuaded to test your theory and surreptitiously hit the Flying J around 3 a.m. or so in the near future.

Anonymous LurkingPuppy August 19, 2015 4:51 PM  

@156: This thread ended up pretty eclectic:

Anything from Ristretto capsules to Walmart camping to the fine points of percolators and gun cleaning. What didn't we cover?


Nukes and/or Iran; emacs vs. vi vs. ed; Windows vs. Mac, and Android vs. iOS; how did the Illuminati get to declare that Pluto is a ‘dwarf’ planet, not a real one, and what were They trying to hide; #PPGate; beet sugar vs. cane sugar, and can anyone taste the isotope-ratio difference; GRRM and Phil ‘Ph.D. in Middle-School Insults’ Sandifer; is there life Out There, and if so, is it based on biomolecules with the same chiralities as those used by life on Earth; composting; …


Hey! No one mentioned Malwyn! This Milo et al. reality show must include her. And whichever minions are receiving her attentions each week….

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 4:52 PM  

"Gun powder, per chance?"

IMR3031 is terrible in coffee.

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 5:00 PM  

@157 - gunpowder in bourbon? What a waste of perfectly good gunpowder. It just won't burn right after that.

@68 - the Mochamaster was a Christmas present. May as well use it. But as Vox "I don't care" Day says about so many things, "I don't care" about the details of my coffee. I want cheap/free, warm-ish, and caffeinated. All else is irrelevant.

Since we are on an off-topic mess, how many different flavors of Voxian are there?

Ilk, dread ilk, rabid puppies, sad puppies, ordinary minions, VFM, bitter clingers, and.... what? I'm sure I'm missing a couple. I would hate to leave anyone out in my acceptance speech. :-)

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 5:01 PM  

This thread is living up to the title...... i luv this blog....

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 5:03 PM  

"This thread is living up to the title...... i luv this blog...."

No doubt. Someone needs to write a song . . .

Blogger The Aardvark August 19, 2015 5:11 PM  

@40

Like this?

Anonymous patrick kelly August 19, 2015 5:13 PM  

"No doubt. Someone needs to write a song . . ."

Just change bar to blog and this video still works for me:

AnSJWWalksIntoABlog

Blogger Groot August 19, 2015 5:30 PM  

@85. patrick kelly:
"Green beans delivered everyday, roasted and ground every morning, french pressed to high tolerance temp/time specifications...not me....worked with a guy."

Was he wearing a ballerina's tutu at the time?

I'm with Rolf: Folger's (I think) from Costco, don't know the brand of the coffee machine. Just as long as it's programmable, so it's ready in the morning. It's like all these guys around here with their wine cellars. You just know if you switched bottles on them, they'd never notice.

Anonymous Steve August 19, 2015 5:30 PM  

Didn't Vox write a few songs?

So the Ilk, dread ilk, rabid puppies, sad puppies, ordinary minions, VFM, bitter clingers, Shadowmen, Night Hounds, Secret Ilk - not to mention the various VFM Erikoisjääkärit, Sayeret Matkal and Evil Legion of Stevil squadrons - will march, lope, drop, slither and teleport into battle and gorge on the adiposal entrails of our feculent foes to the glorious strains of Euro-infused 90's techno.

BGS will hand out the glowsticks.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 5:51 PM  

@179

Maybe an anthem instead.

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 5:51 PM  

OK, that's a few more I missed. How I could have forgotten the ELoE I don't know. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to be glowsticked by Big Gay Steve.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 5:56 PM  

"gunpowder in bourbon? What a waste of perfectly good gunpowder. It just won't burn right after that."

True... but your turds are explosive. which is really pretty cool in a... ahem... pinch.

OpenID pancakeloach August 19, 2015 6:05 PM  

@79 "Percs are just too Calvinist"

I'm just hoping that next time I'm predestined to be part of the after-service cleanup crew, whoever was predestined to set up the big percolator before the service will have been predestined to stop putting the Mr. Coffee filters in the basket. XP

Anonymous Steve August 19, 2015 6:18 PM  

Rolf - I mentioned that to Gay Steve, but he said...

Rabbi - Pfft. Anthems are gay.

The only halfway good ones were written by the French and the Russians.

The rest range from drab sonic torture (Britain's), half radio jingle, half nursery melody (the USA), to wrist-slittingly depressing (Israel).

If I had to choose a national anthem it'd be Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly.

I get a patriotic lump in my throat when singing bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce...

Anonymous Billy August 19, 2015 6:36 PM  

The neocon zionist multiculturalist are pulling their hair out. Don't worry before its over they'll bring Trump down. I'm enjoying Trump disrupting the establishment, but I don't want to entertain false hope. Do conservatives actually even have the number demographically to elect a president, or is this entire election a futile waste of effort.

Anonymous Billy August 19, 2015 6:40 PM  

Wrong thread, my apologies continue on with coffee

Anonymous Athor Pel August 19, 2015 6:49 PM  

"163. RedJack #22 August 19, 2015 4:29 PM
...
However "Plant coffee" is a different brand s of swill. It isn't about being weaker so you can drink it all day, it is about cost. The free coffee doesn't have all coffee in it. There is a number of fillers. So we have a collection for the good stuff, and use it to fire up the troops that need something a little more than Folgers.

My current experiment is from Black Rifle Coffee Company. Pretty good.

Roasting the beans yourself? At some point you pass from morning fuel to shamanistic ritual. I have done it, it was very good, but I am not getting up early to do that every day. Maybe on a slow Saturday.
"



Talking about fillers and low quality beans is getting into things like arabica versus robusta. Too deep down the rabbit hole.

I've seen the Black Rifle Coffee website. They don't tell you when the beans were roasted, doesn't look like they guarantee they were roasted that week. At least I couldn't find it. If they don't guarantee a roast date then they sell stale beans. I want to buy beans from those guys but until I get a roast date I won't.

As for roasting your own beans, you wouldn't roast every day. I know I wouldn't. You would roast once a week or every two weeks.
I've thought about roasting my own but for me that's a step too far.




"178. Groot August 19, 2015 5:30 PM
...
It's like all these guys around here with their wine cellars. You just know if you switched bottles on them, they'd never notice.
"



It's trivially easy to differentiate stale from fresh beans. I could teach anybody how in just a few minutes. The difference is that stark. And the difference in the cup is also easy to discern. As long as your senses are working you can do it.

Beans go stale in about two weeks after they've been roasted. Once you grind them they go stale within twenty minutes. One thing to look for is oil covering the surface of the bean. There are only two reasons for beans to have oil on them, they were roasted more than two weeks previous or they were roasted very dark, (deep into second crack), so dark it forced oil onto the surface of the bean.

The other thing to pay attention to is smell. Stale beans just don't smell the same as fresh beans. Many of the flavors have evaporated and many of the flavors left behind have been oxidized. Stale beans just smell skunky compared to fresh roasted beans and can be pretty unpleasant.

Please notice I'm talking about stale versus fresh, I am not talking about beans from different places or different processing techniques or different roasts.

By making reference to wine you are talking about the second kind of thing, the telling apart of different beans, maybe different crops from the same farm, or from different farms in the same region, or from different regions within a country, or from different countries. To be really good at that takes training and dedication. And if you get good at it you can become a cupper/buyer for a coffee importer and make bank.

I can identify single origin beans from certain countries because they're so distinct by size, shape or smell but there are plenty more that are so similar I couldn't. For the easy ones, once you saw the difference yourself you could too. But discerning fine gradations within a crop, I wouldn't bet money on myself.

But telling the difference between low quality beans and high quality, that's easy. It doesn't take much to tell the difference between what you like and what you don't. And low quality beans stand out almost like stale beans. And like stale beans the difference shows in the cup.

If you've never had quality beans freshly roasted and properly prepared in a cup in your hands then you have nothing to compare to and your opinion on good coffee means exactly squat.

Blogger Nate August 19, 2015 7:03 PM  

all of this from the guy that thought Cabot was the best cheese you could buy.


speaking of that... Kerrygold Dubliner

Holy crap... TRY IT.

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 7:39 PM  

@187 - if people lined up a dozen shot-glasses of coffee from the bet you can hand-craft to army issue, I could tell the difference. I just wouldn't care enough to matter. In the early morning I'd start at one end of the line, and slowly work my way through to the other, adding water as needed to get the desired weakness.... or maybe just after sipping them to get the general idea, while nodding and smiling politely to you, I'd dump them all into a huge mug and nurse it all morning long.

Hmmm... An exception to that - I dislike flavored coffees enough to avoid or discard them, unless no other option is available. Some of the chemicals they use as "flavoring" are just rebranded toxic waste.

Yes, I'm a coffee-heathen of that magnitude.

Blogger Groot August 19, 2015 7:55 PM  

I can tell the difference between cream or no cream. Maybe they're like bloodhounds or something. Each to his own. I'm probably missing a whole sensory experience.

It's like how you can tell when something has been written by a woman: they describe the clothes, including style and cloth and such. If you ask me to remember a scene and what someone was wearing, my response is likely to be, "Clothes?"

Anonymous Rolf August 19, 2015 8:03 PM  

Oh, cream versus no cream is easy. Just look at the color. :-)

Anonymous Donn #0114 August 19, 2015 9:29 PM  

Three parts coffee one part bailey's you won't care what kind of coffee it is.

Anonymous BGS August 19, 2015 9:30 PM  

"BGS will hand out the glowsticks." "I'm pretty sure I don't want to be glowsticked by Big Gay Steve."

They make permanent glow items at https://www.uvpaqlite.com/ I would recommend getting the 8man tent version as a permanent night light, They are high quality glow in the dark crystals, recharged with light.

Blogger Rabbi B August 19, 2015 10:49 PM  

"Three parts coffee one part bailey's you won't care what kind of coffee it is."

Does the Flying J have Baileys? Just checkin' . . .

Blogger Groot August 20, 2015 12:54 AM  

Catfish have taste receptors all over their skin. It's like they're all tongue. They can also detect electric currents, made possible by living in a medium which conducts electricity exquisitely. There's a different sensory experience for you.

/geekery

Anonymous Athor Pel August 20, 2015 4:13 AM  

"188. Nate August 19, 2015 7:03 PM

all of this from the guy that thought Cabot was the best cheese you could buy.
..."



Who are you talking about? If it's me then you need to know I didn't participate in that cheese conversation at all.





"189. Rolf August 19, 2015 7:39 PM
...
Hmmm... An exception to that - I dislike flavored coffees enough to avoid or discard them, unless no other option is available. Some of the chemicals they use as "flavoring" are just rebranded toxic waste.
...
"


Indeed your dislike of flavored coffees is a rational response to what your senses are telling you.

You see, when coffee companies have beans that taste like crap they spray some flavor on them and then sell them for a higher price than they could get otherwise. And those beans that taste like crap, they were originally sold cheap to the coffee company because they're crap beans. Not all crops taste as good as they could. Some are bad and get sold off cheap because that's all they can get for them.



Blogger Nate August 20, 2015 7:44 AM  

"You see, when coffee companies have beans that t aste like crap they spray some flavor on them and then sell them for a higher price than they could get otherwise. "

the problem with theory is the assumption that coffee companies care what their beans taste like.

Oh sure... some do.

Folgers?

No.

sorting beans into good an bad would cost more money than they are willing to spend. People that care how coffee tastes aren't buying foldgers. Foldgers is for people who drown out all coffee taste with 3 scoops of sugar and a half a cup of mlk.

no offense Rolf.

Blogger Nate August 20, 2015 7:45 AM  

"Who are you talking about? If it's me then you need to know I didn't participate in that cheese conversation at all. "

....

wel...

this is awkward...

Anonymous RedJack #22 August 20, 2015 8:53 AM  

@187

The beans from BRCC that I bought didn't have the oily look to them (checked this morning), but I didn't seen anything on the bad that said "Roasted on X" I will double check the unopened bag when I get home, as I am curious.

Rabbi, You can find Baily's at some Flying J's.

Anonymous Athor Pel August 20, 2015 11:50 AM  

"197. Nate August 20, 2015 7:44 AM
...
the problem with theory is the assumption that coffee companies care what their beans taste like.

Oh sure... some do.

Folgers?

No.

sorting beans into good an bad would cost more money than they are willing to spend.
..."




The beans are graded at the farm, coop or at the processor, depending on who does the de-pulping and drying. At that point they can be cupped, (roasted, ground, made into coffee and tasted), and graded by lot or sub-lot depending on lot size. This grading determines price because the coffee company buyers bid on the lots in the countries of origin after cupping the lots themselves.

The big coffee companies do care what their beans taste like but their sights are set lower. The big or mass market coffee companies are who buy up all of the lower quality lots of beans, because those beans are cheap. The companies then add beans from other places, some of high quality, in order to create a blend of consistent flavor given the constraints under which they operate.

What they care most about in regards to taste is determining which beans they need to use in order to produce their signature blends. All or almost all mass market coffee is blended. Creating a blend of consistent flavor week after week when the beans from each each shipment are different from the week before is not easy regardless of bean quality. The blend changes with each batch but the flavor stays as consistent as they can make it.

But I am painting a nobler picture of mass market coffee sellers than they deserve considering their sins, which are many and deserving of exposure.

Selling lower quality beans and being honest about it while passing on the savings to the consumer is one thing but that isn't what these bastards are doing.

They use roasters that operate under negative pressure so the beans expand more than normal so that once they are ground they take up more space inside the coffee can. Try to find a 16 ounce can or bag of coffee at the grocery store. It looks like a one pound can, it's filled with the same volume as the old one pound can but it's not one pound of coffee nor are you getting the same amount of coffee with each scoop you put in your coffee maker. They do this so the price won't look like it's going up as high as fast as it really is.

I'm not even going to talk about robusta beans. They have their place but if you want more mass market coffee company sins do some web searching on the subject.

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