ALL BLOG POSTS AND COMMENTS COPYRIGHT (C) 2003-2016 VOX DAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

There is no escape from SJW

SJWs are in the process of reinventing James Bond to be more to their liking:
For decades he has swaggered through life conquering women, chain smoking and saving the world, untroubled by the sensitivities of the 21st century. In a new book, however, James Bond will be getting a dose of modern morality, as author Anthony Horowitz reveals the tricks he used to drag the spy kicking and screaming into the era of political correctness.

Horowitz, the writer of new Bond novel Trigger Mortis, said he had worked carefully to preserve Ian Fleming’s original character and ensuring his 1950s attitudes remained in tact.

But he has introduced a cast of new characters to point out the error of his chauvinistic ways, including messages about smoking causing cancer, women who give him a run for his money, and an “outspoken” gay friend.

Horowitz, who has been given access to Fleming’s own notes to research his latest update, said he had inserted “little twists” to make the story work for modern readers.

 "He does smoke cigarettes, he smokes many many cigarettes. But then what I do is I nudge him with a little reference to a newspaper article he happens to glance at which just reminds him that these things will give him cancer. With women, he has this sort of patronising carnal attitude with them which is absolutely accurate to the Bond of the books. But then by creating very strong women he is given quite a run for his money and his attitudes are challenged. I also gave him a very outspoken gay friend, who chides him and says 'come on Bond, you're living in the 20th century now not the Middle Ages.'”
It's not just science fiction, it's not just games, it's not just comics, it is literally everywhere. You cannot escape social justice morality, you can only submit to it or fight it. And one way to do the latter, as this gentleman inadvertently demonstrated, is to black-knight it.
Controversy has enveloped the prestigious Best American Poetry anthology after it emerged that a white poet had been included in the selection after adopting a Chinese pen name – and that Yi-Fen Chou’s poem was kept in the much sought-after lineup even after the author told editors his real identity was Michael Derrick Hudson.

At the back of the 2015 edition of The Best American Poetry, which is published today, Yi-Fen Chou is revealed as the pen name of Michael Derrick Hudson, from Indiana. Hudson writes that his poem chosen for the anthology, The Bees, the Flowers, Jesus, Ancient Tigers, Poseidon, Adam and Eve, was rejected under his real name 40 times before he sent it out as Yi-Fen Chou, when it was rejected nine times before getting accepted. “If indeed this is one of the best American poems of 2015, it took quite a bit of effort to get it into print, but I’m nothing if not persistent,” writes Hudson.
At least Mr. Chou has had the sense to avoid apologizing, but it would have been even better if he had simply announced to his critics that he identifies as Chinese and to refer to him as "Michael Hudson" is deadnaming, racist, and wrongskinphobic.

This identity black-knighting is an excellent way to systematically undermine the SJWs, which is to claim whatever identities you find useful and force them to recognize them in precisely the same manner they declare war to be peace, black to be white, and Bruce to be Caitlyn. The key is to not overdo it or be too obvious - I see way too much stupid "well, I'm a lesbian in a man's body, ha ha ha" here - and to stick to it relentlessly. If you're a white writer, you should have at least one ethnic nom de plume to your credit.

Labels: ,

164 Comments:

Blogger Jim September 09, 2015 8:38 AM  

The key is to not overdo it - I see way too much stupid "well, I'm a lesbian in a man's body, ha ha ha" here

Oh, but that's actually a thing. Check out the table of contents here (Amazon link), and see what begins at page 102. You can find the entire chapter hosted on an angelfire site.

Anonymous Mike September 09, 2015 8:43 AM  

While I was working on a musical about life on a tobacco farm, a recording engineer advised me to include a gay character. I just shook my head.

All thought, all artistic expression, everything we do must conform to the leftist agenda to be considered authentic. That which fails to measure up is regarded as inferior or extremist.

Blogger VD September 09, 2015 8:45 AM  

Oh, but that's actually a thing.

Irrelevant. So is a Papua New Guinean cannibal. It's not an act anyone is going to maintain, so don't do it.

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 09, 2015 8:52 AM  

If you're a white writer, you should have at least one ethnic nom de plume to your credit.

I'm thinking of calling myself K. Teapot Fatford.

Blogger Gaisereiks Gaisericus September 09, 2015 8:54 AM  

Too bad; Trigger Mortis is a clever title.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 8:57 AM  

This identity black-knighting is an excellent way to systematically undermine the SJWs, which is to claim whatever identities you find useful and force them to recognize them in precisely the same manner they declare war to be peace, black to be white, and Bruce to be Caitlyn.

A big reason George Zimmerman is a WHITE hispanic and not a white HISPANIC is his name. He should at least have changed it to Jorge Zimmerman.

Anonymous Knarf September 09, 2015 8:57 AM  

Your thoughtless words cut me to the quick, Vox. For decades, I identified as a lesbian in a man's body. But then I lost weight and shaved off my mustache.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 8:59 AM  

For decades, I identified as a lesbian in a man's body. But then I lost weight and shaved off my mustache.

So brave, thanks for this.

*hugs*

Blogger collisioncat67 September 09, 2015 9:04 AM  

On a personal level SJWs tend to be weak, cowardly, and hive minded. It's galling how they've managed to wriggle their way into positions of power and influence.
They ruin virtually every thing they touch. They can't stand to see others enjoying anything in life without their expressed permission.
They can't stand it when others dedicate themselves to something outside their purview.

The roaches need to be stomped into the concrete to the point of extinction.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan September 09, 2015 9:11 AM  

Speaking of George his Confederate Battle Flag rendition is interesting.

Blogger Alexander Thompson September 09, 2015 9:16 AM  

His smugness is amazing. He thinks he is so clever and not just following the cliches of the hivemind. Perhaps I should become an author. It appears easy.

Blogger Jim September 09, 2015 9:17 AM  

Irrelevant. So is a Papua New Guinean cannibal. It's not an act anyone is going to maintain, so don't do it.

It's not irrelevant at all. The fact that it's documented and the concept has penetrated the SJW community means that a man could present himself as a lesbian and, once it is discovered that he's actually a man, use Gilmartin's work to turn the tables again with the male lesbian thing. That makes it less difficult for a white man to maintain than being Chinese.

And it's no more absurd than half of what else the SJWs have come up with. Just see otherkin for the level of crazy you must exceed in order to trip their alarm bells.

Anonymous IndecisiveEvidence September 09, 2015 9:18 AM  

The sheer banality of it is aggravating. He is basically just rolling up every dickless Nancy boy complaint about Bond and painting by numbers. Why not just go the full Monty and say Bond is now black and gay?

Blogger Kaijubushi September 09, 2015 9:22 AM  

Are there humans that actually read James Bond and say "this needs more feminism and gay nagging?" FFS people. Go read something else.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 9:22 AM  

Why not just go the full Monty and say Bond is now black and gay?

Actually there was a lot of digital ink spilled last week arguing about which of two black actors would be a better bond.

Anonymous 334 September 09, 2015 9:24 AM  

@13. IndecisiveEvidence

Which part of "It's not an act anyone is going to maintain" is unclear?

It's not an act anyone is going to maintain. If you're trying to make your way as an author, are you going to maintain it?

What he's saying is go for something within the narrative that gets you what you want without being over-the-top ridiculous. Are they ridiculous? Sure. So use that as cover. Just don't be an obvious parody.

Anonymous 334 September 09, 2015 9:25 AM  

Sorry, that should have been @12. Jim

Anonymous DreadIlk_ZT September 09, 2015 9:26 AM  

And people wonder why Archer is becoming so popular.

Blogger VD September 09, 2015 9:30 AM  

It's not irrelevant at all.

It is both irrelevant and stupid. It's an old joke and idiots have been making it for years without any effect on SJWs. Don't be a tactical moron.

Blogger Jim September 09, 2015 9:30 AM  



It's easy for an author to maintain. Use your first initial(s) and last name. Say you're lesbian. Done. Some men could even get a dyke hair cut, take a black and white picture, and pass. They certainly can keep it up for a lot longer than Michael Hudson did.

Besides, Vox himself has implied that you don't need to publish all your work as your mock identity: " If you're a white writer, you should have at least one ethnic nom de plume to your credit."

What part of that don't you understand?

Blogger Eric September 09, 2015 9:32 AM  

@7 thank you for that! I love to start my day with a laugh.

I have frequently thought to identify as a fat, black woman. You can call me Rotunda.

Anonymous Yusuke Fukui September 09, 2015 9:34 AM  

I think I'm turning Japanese.

Blogger Jim September 09, 2015 9:36 AM  

It is both irrelevant and stupid. It's an old joke and idiots have been making it for years without any effect on SJWs.

That's why it would be effective.

You're right: it's an old joke, but what you're missing is that it has also always been only treated as a joke. No one has gone out of their way to put forward an earnest portrayal of a male lesbian. Do that, and you force the SJWs to choose between their identity preening and validating an age-old criticism of their position.

The only problem I see with the plan is it can be done too earnestly, so the general populace isn't sure if you really believe you're a male lesbian or not.

Anonymous joe doakes September 09, 2015 9:36 AM  

The difference between Fleming's Bond and Horowitz' Bond is the authors' life experience. It shows in the books more than the movies.

Fleming formed commando units in WW II. He knew killers personally and selected their missions. Bond is modeled after hard men fighting a dirty war, an assassin, a killer untroubled by a conscience.

Horowitz grew up a fat kid in a well-to-do family who loved mystery stories and ended up writing them. He's trying to smooth Bond around the edges because Horowitz doesn't know anything about people who kill without hesitation or remorse.

Fleming's Bond would see the cancer ad and think "If I live that long, which isn't likely in my line of work." He wouldn't worry what his gay friend thinks, if he had a gay friend at all (he has no close friends in the books).

The Bond of the novels is not a leader of men. He's not the leader's wing man. He doesn't worship women from afar. Vox, what's that make him . . . a Sigma? Do Sigmas worry about cancer or what their gay friends think?
.

OpenID malcolmthecynic September 09, 2015 9:37 AM  

What a shame. I loved Horowitz's "Alex Rider" series, at least up to "Scorpia". "Eagle Strike" should go down as one of the greatest spy novels ever written, and it's a juvenile.

"Moriarty" was quite a good book as well, though I wasn't a huge fan of the ending. But very well done overall.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet September 09, 2015 9:37 AM  

In the last Bond film, they did ambiguously infer that Bond might have had gay experiences. However, he could have merely been acting like the asshole he is.

I never was a big Bond fan until the new movies, which give him that updated gritty feel that seems more true to life, without losing the parts that make Bond cool.

I tried one of the Jason Borne books recently since the movies were alright... SJW all over.

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 09, 2015 9:43 AM  

I'm thinking about writing a short story about The Most Politically Correct Heroes Ever, so I can win a Hugo.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlepersons

Gastronomicus R. R. Parton - a portly white knight and the leader of the gang. Uses his mobility scooter of social justice to rape pesky hate-truths into submission. Has a tragic backstory where he was asked to leave a Wendy's restaurant, which fuels his hunger for justice.

Phildo Sandifer-Baggins - the techno-mage. Skilled in blending into the bushes near primary schools. Has a specially encrypted hard drive where he keeps his... magic.

Alexanderette Ernie - the master-istress of disguise. Can successfully pretend to be either a morbidly obese man-womyn or an obesely morbid womyn-man. Or an elephant. Nobody suspects a thing!

Which other heroes deserve to join this elite crew of plus-sized paladins?

Anonymous Crude September 09, 2015 9:47 AM  

The key is to not overdo it or be too obvious - I see way too much stupid "well, I'm a lesbian in a man's body, ha ha ha" here - and to stick to it relentlessly. If you're a white writer, you should have at least one ethnic nom de plume to your credit.

I'd like to be clear on your advice here, because I'm missing the distinction between 'The key is to not overdo it' and 'Stick to it relentlessly'.

Should Mr Chou have insisted he was asian even when he was caught out? Would that be overdoing it or sticking to it relentlessly?

Blogger VD September 09, 2015 9:48 AM  

That's why it would be effective.

No, it wouldn't be. Now either go off and prove otherwise by doing it or shut up.

OpenID malcolmthecynic September 09, 2015 9:52 AM  

One of the wonderful things about the Rachel Dolezal debacle is that it happened right at the same time the Bruce Jenner crap hit the fan. This highlighted the extreme inconsistency and mental disconnect especially strongly.

There is little that is more fun to see than somebody valiantly trying to explain why Dolezal was a horrible person for claiming to be black but Bruce Jenner was a hero for cutting his dick off.

Anonymous Whitey McWhite September 09, 2015 9:55 AM  

If you're a white writer, you should have at least one ethnic nom de plume to your credit.

Like Helen Demidenko. (Warning: PDF.) That was doing it but not over-doing it, until the "Ukrainian ethnic Australian" came under sustained fire for antisemitism, and plain old Anglo Aussie Helen Darville got outed. But before then she had won fame and success which, under the regime of "writers for a multicultural Australia," she was supposed to be excluded from.

Anonymous Nemo Maximus September 09, 2015 9:56 AM  

It appears the book hasn't quite come out yet (so to speak). It would be pleasant surprise if it turns out, like Stephenson's Seven Eves, to be as Vox put it "exactly as I would have written it had I been taking the piss out of the SJWs"* One can imagine these elements, but still have Bond making them look ridiculous.

*Quote may not be exact - YMMV.

I hope our evil host and dark lord has not forgotten his long promised review of Seven Eves and moved onto other things.

Blogger Thomas Davidsmeier September 09, 2015 9:56 AM  

Hey Vox,

I'm a 1/4 Mexican (my great grandparents were probably running away from your great grandparent). Should I use a pen name like Tomas Davirigez?

Blogger Raziel Walker September 09, 2015 9:58 AM  

Discrimination and racism are wrong.
Affirmative action is discrimination.
Michael Derrick Hudson has done nothing wrong, many writers use a pseudonym.

Regarding this James Bond reinvention. I don't care if James Bond is played by a black actor. I don't care if Bond decides to quit smoking after decades. Neither would I care if he chainsmokes in a movie. As long as they give a plausible explanation on why James acts the way he does. (Have him complain in the movie about not being allowed to smoke any longer by his SJW-boss? Or the other way around, have him joke about the fertility health warnings on cigarettes that he prefers smoking over using condoms.)
Going to pass on James and gays or his attitude towards women for now.

Blogger Thomas Davidsmeier September 09, 2015 9:58 AM  

Note: I can't use my great grandparents' name because it doesn't sound Hispanic enough. It is actually incredibly rare in Mexico and nobody would realize it was Mexican.

Blogger Cail Corishev September 09, 2015 9:58 AM  

No one has gone out of their way to put forward an earnest portrayal of a male lesbian.

Because they'll simply tell you to get lost.

To black-knight effectively, you have to have some sort of hook, some way to force them to play it straight. In HR disputes, for instance, there have to be written regulations you can force them to obey under threat of legal action.

Otherwise, you'll get what happened with #OSCON this year: a bunch of people expressed concerns about a speaker, citing the organization's own Code of Conduct, and the organization checked its sheet and said, "Hmm, it says here you're a Whom, not a Who. Blow."

I often say SJWs are stupid, and they are, but they're not that stupid. They're not going to just cave in to any black-knighting attempt. There has to be a reason they feel like they must go along with it. Otherwise they'll blow you off.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet September 09, 2015 9:59 AM  

Malcom,

Dolezal was a horrible person for claiming to be black but Bruce Jenner was a hero for cutting his dick off.

I always thought it fairly straightforward: One minority community accepts it, one does not.

Anonymous Full-Fledged Fiasco September 09, 2015 10:00 AM  

((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))

Blogger Cataline Sergius September 09, 2015 10:01 AM  

I'd addressed the fall of Bond before he fell quite this far at my own place when I did thumbnail review of Kingsmen The Secret Service

In Skyfall, the villain, Silva after having captured James Bond with a minimum of effort and having tied him to a chair, of course. Menaces Bond by delicately stroking Bond’s inner thighs while purring homosexual innuendo to him.

To which Bond replies, “What makes you think it’s my first time?”

(*grooooooooaaannnnn*)

Like I needed even more cliches from a James Bond movie. And yes the unexpectedly bisexual macho man hero is quite definitely cliche at this point.

I will grant that Skyfall was in fact a good movie. Certainly better than Bond’s last outing.

But was it a good James Bond movie? In a lot ways Skyfall demonstrated that James Bond films are now their own tribute band.

Dark and gritty with only the occasional self conscious wink at films that twelve year old Cataline totally freaked out over.

Bond has never been about realism with the possible exception of the first fifteen minutes of Doctor No.

By any possible measure Bond is the world’s worst HUMINT Field Officer. His cover is invariably blown within minutes of his arrival anywhere. Assuming it wasn’t blown before he arrived in the first place. He constantly leaves a body count in the double digits. And then there is the problem of his runaway dick. The gambling and alcohol dependence are just icing on the cake.

But that was all okay. We never held that against him Bond was never meant to be a John le Carre character.

Bond has always been about masculine fantasy. Unstoppable by the strongest of men, desired by the most beautiful of women, the master of any situation he lands in.


Naturally that fantasy had to be suborned by SJW culture rot, that was an absolute necessity. And how better to do that then by making Bond a bi?


Skipping ahead here.

When Die Another Day came out, the producers clearly knew that the James Bond franchise had problems. Everybody points to Bond's invisible BMW as the straw that broke the camel's back and says, 'well there was the problem, the old fashioned James Bond movies were just too silly and unrealistic.'


Time to turn Bond into a le Carre character and drench the audience in gritty realism. They called it wrong. They surrendered James Bond to the nihilism that is eating at our culture like a cancer.

Kingsmen: The Secret Service, had way sillier things than an invisible car and it was way more enjoyable then Skyfall or Casino Royale. Kingsmen proves it is still possible to make a great old fashioned James Bond spy movie.

What was their secret?

Simple.

This is a James Bond film that remembers what James Bond was trying to defend. Quite self consciously so.

Anonymous SJB September 09, 2015 10:02 AM  

If you were a transphilic Janet Bond my love . . .

Anonymous anonymous coward September 09, 2015 10:03 AM  

come on Bond, you're living in the 20th century now not the Middle Ages.

Oh wow, thanks for reminding me! You've really sold me on this homosexuality thing now!

Blogger Blaster September 09, 2015 10:03 AM  

author Anthony Horowitz

Legs crossed, ashamed of his manhood: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03433/Anthony_Horowitz_3433010b.jpg

Impossible to know whether he was directed to do so by the photographer, but still not surprising.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 10:04 AM  

I think everyone's reading way too much into the "what makes you think it's my first time" line. That's just Bond being Bond.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 10:05 AM  

Of course the gay friend gives a whole new meaning to Q, doesn't it?

Blogger Jim September 09, 2015 10:05 AM  

To black-knight effectively, you have to have some sort of hook, some way to force them to play it straight. In HR disputes, for instance, there have to be written regulations you can force them to obey under threat of legal action.

And what, exactly, is the hook that Hudson used? At least the male lesbian has an academic text to back him up. And I've already stated how much easier it is for a straight male to pass for a lesbian than it is for a white guy to pass as Chinese.

Anonymous Tom September 09, 2015 10:06 AM  

@26

Clearly there are others that need a place in your League. Perhaps TNH and PNH could be a Wonder Twins kind of pair.

Scalzi could be... Wait for it... A "super" hero who doesn't actually have any powers but constantly claims to. He lies his way through every situation where he supposedly used his powers with "up to" type of stuff.

Just some thoughts.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 10:07 AM  

At least the male lesbian has an academic text to back him up.

So what? They don't care. Trying to use a "academic text" against them is just using dialectic to respond to rhetoric. It doesn't work.

Anonymous MRR September 09, 2015 10:12 AM  

@46

Too late, Ben Stiller did it in "Mystery Men" (Mister Furious).

Blogger JDC September 09, 2015 10:13 AM  

They're not going to just cave in to any black-knighting attempt. There has to be a reason they feel like they must go along with it. Otherwise they'll blow you off.

Pretending to be a lesbian in a man's body is akin to somebody standing up in a meeting, believing they are clever and unique and stating, "People! We need to think outside of the box!"

When somebody makes that statement my first reaction is to find a box for them to be buried in. It's lame and played.

Anonymous karsten September 09, 2015 10:14 AM  

"I never was a big Bond fan until the new movies, which give him that updated gritty feel that seems more true to life, without losing the parts that make Bond cool."

From Russia with Love has a good deal of grit. And the so-called "updated gritty" Bond doesn't hit women, if I recall. Even Roger Moore did that on one occasion or another. It's politically correct grit.

As for this whole business, "Horowitz," the name, tells you all you need to know about what this Bond will be about. I'd have guessed that this would be where he'd take the character on the author's name alone, and I'd have been right.

Blogger Chris Scena September 09, 2015 10:14 AM  

@26

Jim C. Hines, the super rape counselor? Able to creep women out from miles away.

TNH, the immobile toad? Able to inspire self-loathing in even the stoutest of SJWs.

Anonymous The other robot September 09, 2015 10:15 AM  

Ahhh, Trump should use Mr Chou to counteract the campaign against him.

Or perhaps Mr Chou could volunteer to be one of the Asians reading anti-Trump messages.

Blogger Dexter September 09, 2015 10:15 AM  

Dolezal was a horrible person for claiming to be black but Bruce Jenner was a hero for cutting his dick off.

But Bruce hasn't actually gone that far yet, has he?

If he has, we should start the betting pool on how long until he commits suicide....

Blogger VD September 09, 2015 10:17 AM  

When I say "shut up", Jim, that means you stop talking about it. I did not ask for your opinion. I am not interested in your opinion.

Anonymous The other robot September 09, 2015 10:20 AM  

Discrimination and xxxism are wrong.

Actually, employers discriminate all the time. Employers who require employees with high IQ certainly do not want anyone below about 115, which is some pretty serious discrimination when you consider average IQs among some groups.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet September 09, 2015 10:22 AM  

karsten,

And the so-called "updated gritty" Bond doesn't hit women

Haha. I can't really see this one as PC gone crazy. Was there a scene where he was legit attacked by a woman and declined to hit back?

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 10:23 AM  

Given his solipsism and inability to shut up, I'm starting to believe that Jim might actually be a male lesbian.

Anonymous WillBest September 09, 2015 10:30 AM  

If I were the creators of Archer I would be suing Anthony Horowitz for copyright infringement. That is their shtick and they have been doing it for years. Bet Anthony thinks he is properly clever though because he gets to shit all over the source material.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet September 09, 2015 10:33 AM  

Can't use Rules #1-3, so I take the invocation of #4 as a gracious sign of my victory in this matter.

The audience judges on the other hand...

Blogger njartist September 09, 2015 10:39 AM  

@ Knarf

Stole that!

Anonymous BigGaySteve September 09, 2015 10:39 AM  

"If you where a fagot nigger tranny cuck James Bond my love" by Anne Rice's gay son Chris Darn it looks like its already been done.

Jamie is trying to enjoy his P-Town vacation when he uncovers a plot by STR8 YT Church Going Men to avoid baking gay wedding cakes & not pay their fair share in taxes for Latrina's 38 illegitimate crack babies. He teams up with lesbian wife beater Roidy Rosey in a high stakes adventure to defeat the Catholic Church. There is a Catholic Assassin out to get him only known as J.C. Wright with a deadly bladed throwing fedora, can Jamie avoid JC Wright while trying to find Mr Rightnow?

Maybe if I priced the story for .99 I could get it high on the parody list.

Blogger 罗臻 September 09, 2015 10:39 AM  

The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so that he cannot fathom our real intent. -Sun Tzu

Blogger VD September 09, 2015 10:40 AM  

I'm looking forward to the inevitable whining in a few weeks. "My comments are disappearing and I don't know why?"

Blogger JDC September 09, 2015 10:43 AM  

Can't use Rules #1-3, so I take the invocation of #4 as a gracious sign of my victory in this matter.

I seem to remember reading this quote recently...I can't quite remember the author however.

"This is because one of their primary goals is to maintain the illusion of their irresistible power and inevitable victory, so they need to advertise their victories in order to intimidate other potential crimethinkers into falling into line."

Blogger R Beisert September 09, 2015 10:47 AM  

When I read this shit, I just imagined Connery lighting a cig, seeing the cancer headline, and dropping the match on the paper. Because Bond doesn't care.

Blogger Peter P. September 09, 2015 10:49 AM  

Horowitz, the writer of new Bond novel Trigger Mortis, said he had worked carefully to preserve Ian Fleming’s original character

Read that as perverse at the first reading. Wasn't that far off. Heh.

Anonymous BGS September 09, 2015 10:50 AM  

A big reason George Zimmerman is a WHITE hispanic and not a white HISPANIC is his name

They bleached his picture with an orange shirt until it was light pink and his forehead disappeared.

@9They can't stand to see others enjoying anything in life without their expressed permission.

The best explanation I have seen for this is from the guy that runs the conservative treehouse site. http://theconservativetreehouse.com/about/

"And therein lies the roots of love and fear respectively. For the conservative, when life presents great struggles, he knows he has the power to surmount them. Happiness stems from internal strength and perseverance. For the liberal, when life presents great struggles, the system failed, therefore they were at the mercy of a faulty system, and they believe that only when the system is fixed can their life improve. Happiness is built on systemic contingencies, which they will then seek to control or expect someone else to.
One blames himself. The other blames anyone and everyone but himself.
And there it is. There’s where the meanness comes from. The liberal ideology causes that person to cast anger at the world when things go wrong or appear “unfair.” He constantly chooses only to see the “injustices” – and that makes for a very miserable, mean, blame-casting existence.
– Sundance"

Anonymous Jack Amok September 09, 2015 10:52 AM  

Actually there was a lot of digital ink spilled last week arguing about which of two black actors would be a better bond.

Which is another bit of evidence of the impossibility of SJW convergence. Notice they don't yammer on about what black actor might play a new spy character. They have to re-use a character invented (by a straight white man) half a century ago. They have no ability to create their own institutions, they can only corrupt the work of others.

Anonymous 鬼佬 September 09, 2015 10:52 AM  

I am the leader of the 鬼佬 and you can too.

Anonymous Donn #0114 September 09, 2015 10:55 AM  

BGS why does Latrina keep having crack babies? She started with 21 if I recall. Now she's got 38. And crack babies? That is so nineties. She's got meth babies. Nazi meth cooked up by bikers. That's much more 2010's.

Blogger Josh September 09, 2015 10:57 AM  

How do we know Latrina isn't a Duggar?

Anonymous Mr. Rational September 09, 2015 11:00 AM  

Because the Duggars aren't dumb enough to name a kid Latrina.

Anonymous A Visitor September 09, 2015 11:04 AM  

Read about that in the Daily Mail yesterday. The beautiful thing is regardless of where the commenter was from, they were all unified in how a dumb idea it was.

" "He does smoke cigarettes, he smokes many many cigarettes. But then what I do is I nudge him with a little reference to a newspaper article he happens to glance at which just reminds him that these things will give him cancer. With women, he has this sort of patronising carnal attitude with them which is absolutely accurate to the Bond of the books. But then by creating very strong women he is given quite a run for his money and his attitudes are challenged. I also gave him a very outspoken gay friend, who chides him and says 'come on Bond, you're living in the 20th century now not the Middle Ages."

Besides getting the century wrong, Horowitz makes the mistake that people actually want Bond to be updated. They don't.

"On the challenges of making Bond work for modern readers, Horowitzsaid he had realised there was an issue with the original plot, in which Pussy Galore is a lesbian who is overcome with lust for Bond."

Well, having not read the original Ian Fleming novels, something I plan on doing some time, that is quite the surprise to me. However, maybe Fleming was ahead of his time: showing that even lesbos will revert to be straight provided they're among the right sort of guy.

""He does smoke cigarettes, he smokes many many cigarettes. But then what I do is I nudge him with a little reference to a newspaper article he happens to glance at which just reminds him that these things will give him cancer."

Bad news Horowitz: although by your admission the story takes place in 1957, the Surgeon General inaccurately predicted in the 1960's that by now people would stop smoking if enough information was out about how bad tobacco was for you. Newsflash, people still smoke.

Overall Horowitz screwing up a beloved series is why one should, by and large, stick to the original author's novels. It pains me to say that given Clancy died last year but it's true. I've read two of the new novels, one written by Blackwood, and the other written with Clancy (mostly by Greanley) and they do not compare to what Clancy used to write, on his own. Such is the same I'd suppose with Fleming. As Vox said on AG, "That much-mocked '50s white bread America is looking pretty damned good these days." Exactly.

My hat off to Mr. Hudson who hails from my state! w00t!

"The key is to not overdo it or be too obvious"

Though I've never read them and have no needs to do so, is there any inkling the writer of 50 Shades may be a man?

"A big reason George Zimmerman is a WHITE hispanic and not a white HISPANIC is his name. He should at least have changed it to Jorge Zimmerman." He would've had to gone one step further and said his family was from Argentina.

"He is basically just rolling up every dickless Nancy boy complaint about Bond and painting by numbers. Why not just go the full Monty and say Bond is now black and gay?"

Anonymous A Visitor September 09, 2015 11:04 AM  

Made me smile. "Why not just go...?" Because being black and gay is no longer left enough for the Left. *consultant's voice* We're looking something more along the lines of transsexual Hispanic or Asian (Oriental) here. You're just not doing it for us.

"And people wonder why Archer is becoming so popular." Heh heh.

"I have frequently thought to identify as a fat, black woman. You can call me Rotunda."

In high school we had those anonymous drug surveys. One year just for the hell of it I said I was a 200 lb 5' 5" black who snorted cocaine.

"Should Mr Chou have insisted he was asian even when he was caught out? " He should have. It's not well known outside of China but there is an extremely tiny minority of Chinese that live near the Russian border. They speak Mandarin etc. but are white as the driven snow.

@65 Beautiful!

@67 Now now! Grammar check does not always function as we would hope. Thanks for correcting it!

Blogger njartist September 09, 2015 11:06 AM  

@70
鬼佬 translates as Ghosts. How would one spell it using letters?

Blogger Were-Puppy September 09, 2015 11:08 AM  

@69 Jack Amok
Actually there was a lot of digital ink spilled last week arguing about which of two black actors would be a better bond.

Which is another bit of evidence of the impossibility of SJW convergence. Notice they don't yammer on about what black actor might play a new spy character. They have to re-use a character invented (by a straight white man) half a century ago. They have no ability to create their own institutions, they can only corrupt the work of others
----

Serious, this is where it began to dawn on me that something is really rotten in entertainment.
Nick Fury - black.
Heimdall - black.
Human Torch- black.

I have even in the past seen brothas wearing t-shirts with black Popeye and black Bart Simpson.

Cultural appropriation, anyone?

Blogger Cail Corishev September 09, 2015 11:13 AM  

Dolezal actually proved Vox's point that it's not as easy as playing the joke straight. She wasn't able to hold the SJWs to their word at all, and they attacked her viciously for following their own "race is a social construct" rhetoric. She got the exact opposite treatment that Jenner has gotten. The left took one look at her and said, "Oh, she's actually white? Then she doesn't get to do that." She's a Whom, and Whoms aren't allowed to appeal to Who rules unless those rules are written down in a way that enforces it -- and even then it's iffy and depends on who the judge is.

Sure, you might be able to pin your honest left-leaning friend down with the contradiction there, but the average SJW (and thus the crowd) will blast through it with his feelings and go right on bashing Dolezal and idolizing Jenner.

Blogger hank.jim September 09, 2015 11:13 AM  

James Bond ceased to be interesting a long time ago. They are merely trying a tact that will increase audiences, but maybe they will kill the golden goose nonetheless. You can be sure that when the new book is adapted to the big screen, the gay friend won't be so gay at overseas markets. The sexy girl spy will still be sexy. She still won't win. James Bond always wins.

The poem was mediocre. This is slander against a "Chinese author". I thought Chinese had to be better to win. This proves this isn't always true. Where minorities are in short supply, diversity gets some slack.

Anonymous The other robot September 09, 2015 11:14 AM  

@75

Gwailou if using Jyutping, With tone marks, Gwai2lou2. Gwailo if using HK transliteration.

Guilao is using Pinyin.

Blogger Feather Blade September 09, 2015 11:19 AM  

76. Cultural appropriation, anyone?

Sho' nuff.

Sing it with me now: "It's not wrong when the right people do it!"

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 September 09, 2015 11:20 AM  

When did James Bond's fan fictions become so serious?

Anonymous Porky September 09, 2015 11:25 AM  

You cannot escape social justice morality, you can only submit to it or fight it.

We can laugh at it.

Dude...we are perhaps one mere generation away from Ryan Seacrest becoming the first trans-James Bond. Moneypenney will be portrayed by Lena Dunham. Ross Matthews as Q.

Please don't try to stop this. I beg you.

Anonymous Northern Observer September 09, 2015 11:29 AM  

What's going to be interesting is when groups of horny teenage boys, or worse, lone middle aged men, start going to public pools and gyms and telling the attendants that they are 'two-spirited' or 'gender fluid' and must be allowed into the women's change room.

Sure, they may look like they completely identify as males, but that's either them still conforming to society's gender norms due to their constant fear of attack or their fluidity allows them to live as males, but they still identify, deep down, as females. Who are the attendants to judge?

If the attendants even attempt to find a middle ground, say by allowing them into the girls' change room, but walking through and warning any women or children, they would be opening themselves up for a discrimination lawsuit. The boys/men could claim that by giving any warning they were humiliated and demeaned.

Anonymous BGS September 09, 2015 11:40 AM  

Are there humans that actually read James Bond and say "this needs more feminism and gay nagging?" FFS people. Go read something else

Chris Rice's books all end horribly.

Which other heroes deserve to join this elite crew of plus-sized paladins?

I thought GRRM was kicked out of a Golden Corral all you can eat buffet? Roidy Rossie lesbian wife beater, Serena Willman can pee standing up with biceps bigger than NBA player's thighs. The Toad of Tor with the power to give hallucinations to anyone who licks her fungus filled folds. Johnny Boy able to arbitrage the BJ exchange.

One of the wonderful things about the Rachel Dolezal debacle is that it happened right at the same time the Bruce Jenner crap hit
There had to be people that knew and told people about it but it never got traction before. The John Kerry being a poossyy story doesn't matter unless he is saying he was a hero.

Dolezal was a horrible person for claiming to be black but Bruce Jenner was a hero for cutting his dick off.

Dolezal being white meant there was another white person in the world, Jenner cutting his dick off means he cant create any more white kids.

author Anthony Horowitz. Legs crossed, ashamed of his manhood He is probably as small as Russell Brand, Milo tweeted his pic

Of course the gay friend gives a whole new meaning to Q, doesn't it

Dammit Q don't you have any secret weapons that don't look like dildos?

@70BGS why does Latrina keep having crack babies? ...And crack babies? That is so nineties

Trust me crack babies never went out of style.

How do we know Latrina isn't a Duggar? because the Duggars paid their own way including making their own soap and planting fruit/nut trees. That's why the leftists hate the Duggars so much, they prove you can have kids without leeching off taxpayers.

What's going to be interesting is when groups of horny teenage boys...public pools and gyms ... are 'two-spirited'

I identify as invisible so reacting to me looking at your junk is discrimination.

Anonymous Ain September 09, 2015 11:45 AM  

Jim: "The only problem I see with the plan is it can be done too earnestly, so the general populace isn't sure if you really believe you're a male lesbian or not."

The corruption is so thorough that farce is indistinguishable from sincerity.

Blogger Floyd Looney September 09, 2015 11:47 AM  

Well, that franchise is dead a McDonalds nugget unless that film has some super duper explosions and chase scenes. Which has all been done before it seems.

Blogger Bard September 09, 2015 11:50 AM  

When do we have Clooney play MLK in the next movie?

Anonymous Anonymous September 09, 2015 11:57 AM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anonymous SJB September 09, 2015 11:59 AM  

@84: C.f Mystery Men:

Invisible Boy: No. I can only become invisible when no one's watching.
Shoveler: So, you're only invisible to yourself?
Invisible Boy: Oh, no. If I look at myself, I become visible again.
Furious: So...you can only become invisible when absolutely nobody is watching you?
Invisible Boy: Yes.
Raja: Um, do forgive our incredulity, but um...I'm wondering how you can be certain you've achieved transparency at all?
Invisible Boy: Well, when you go invisible...you can feel it.

There it is: if being invisible is goodfeelz and someone interrupts-—hate crime!

Anonymous Viidad September 09, 2015 12:02 PM  

The sermonizing in "entertainment" has become so very tedious.

Bring back the Puritans. At least they had standards.

Anonymous Viidad September 09, 2015 12:04 PM  

"But then by creating very strong women he is given quite a run for his money and his attitudes are challenged"

My wife says the women are actually running away because he's black.

Blogger RobertT September 09, 2015 12:06 PM  

I'm going to throw up.

Blogger Russell (106) September 09, 2015 12:07 PM  

Post-Christianity Western civilization has turned into a perverted version of Calvinball.

Anonymous Sensei September 09, 2015 12:10 PM  

@69 "I am the leader of the 鬼佬 and you can too."

哈哈..

@75 njartist- @79 the other robot beat me to it, but yes it's pronounced Gwailo and is HK/Canto slang for "whitey." (The meaning of 'Ghost' refers to the white skin)

It used to be used as an insulting term but I'm told lately it's become more tongue-in-cheek, at least in HK, they don't use it in Mandarin around here.

Anonymous Donn #0114 September 09, 2015 12:11 PM  

My niece decided one year to be 'chinese' at her new school. Her brother was black. The school never questioned how one child with the same parents could be chinese and the other black. She's part 'skin so she has an epicanthic fold.

She had the academic chops to be 'Chinese' so she fit in with a different bunch of kids for one year.

Anonymous Jack Amok September 09, 2015 12:12 PM  

Overall Horowitz screwing up a beloved series is why one should, by and large, stick to the original author's novels.

People should make new stories and characters anyway. Swiftfoxmark2's comment about fan fiction is spot on.

"What will you have, Mr....?"

"Bond. D'Jamis Bond. I'll have a 40 ounce Schlitz. And some crab legs too Homes."

"Right away sir. Anything else?"

"Yeah, where da white women at?"

Blogger Carl Philipp September 09, 2015 12:15 PM  

Why the hell would James Bond care about getting cancer in a few decades? Why the hell would James Bond expect to live that long?

Geez.

Anonymous Jack Amok September 09, 2015 12:24 PM  

Are there humans that actually read James Bond and say "this needs more feminism and gay nagging?"

Well, SJWs think everything needs more feminism and gay nagging, but the real problem they have with anything that isn't explicitly SJW is that... it isn't explicitly SJW.

They don't really think feminism and gheying it up will improve Bond stories, they just don't want any non-SJW culture to exist at all. Remember, there's NO PLACE in society for anything that triggers their tiny amygdala.

Anonymous Bz September 09, 2015 12:26 PM  

"I might not strictly speaking be Chinese, but I identify as Downs-American."

Anonymous Bz September 09, 2015 12:32 PM  

"Heimdall - black."

But he identifies as white? Ridiculous, what's next, Black Moses?

OpenID eidolon1109 September 09, 2015 12:33 PM  

When reading about the SJW version of something created by their betters, I'm reminded of "At the Mountains of Madness." The mutant successors of superior forebears create "art," but it's crude garbage based on imitation of the original. They "draw" and "sculpt" to try to make something generally of the same shape or appearance as the original, not understanding its significance or what made it worthy in the first place.

This is how the characters know that the originators of that culture have been replaced, supplanted. Their art becomes a pale and pathetic pantomime.

Blogger CM September 09, 2015 12:34 PM  

I'm native american and disabled. And a woman.

With a STEM degree.

My husband has plans for me as (figure) head of his own business.

Blogger FALPhil September 09, 2015 12:38 PM  

@95 Jack, I nominate you as chief parody writer.

Blogger John Wright September 09, 2015 12:46 PM  

Imagine if someone did James Bond who talks to his close friend who is not gay but Christian, and he begins to have internal spiritual struggles with the ruthlessness of his killer instinct, his girls and booze and gambling, and he begins to fear for his soul. Then he goes to a revival meeting, and sees the ghost of his dead wife, Tracy Draco....

...he comes to the Lord, joins a monastery in Mount Athos, as, as 'Brother James' takes a lifelong vow of silence, until the Pope orders him to assassinate the Archbishop of Canterbury, nor revealed to be a gay satanist, as well as a NKVD sleeper agent....

Look, I am a faithful Christian, and even I think that would be a horrible betrayal of the character. But then again, I do not have a tin ear when it comes to characterization.

Why do the SJW's have tin ears? Because for them, politics trumps everything.

Anonymous Everyone ELSE is doing it... September 09, 2015 12:59 PM  

I'm native american and disabled. And a woman.
With a STEM degree.
My husband has plans for me as (figure) head of his own business.


I see an SBA 8(a) setaside in your future...

Blogger JDC September 09, 2015 1:00 PM  

They don't really think feminism and gheying it up will improve Bond stories, they just don't want any non-SJW culture to exist at all. Remember, there's NO PLACE in society for anything that triggers their tiny amygdala.

It seems even the barbershops are rife with discrimination and guilty of Gender Crimes

Blogger Daniel September 09, 2015 1:00 PM  

My pen name for Westerns is D. Asi Yellowhair.

Blogger Cataline Sergius September 09, 2015 1:01 PM  

the Archbishop of Canterbury, now revealed to be a gay satanist, as well as a NKVD sleeper agent....


I'm hoping...really hoping here, that his current Holiness would find these things objectionable.

The ridiculous part of this new plot line is that Pussy Galore is now Bond's constantly nagging, live-in. Honestly why not just have Bond worrying about the moles in his lawn and grousing about going to the PTA and then hooking up with some other guy's wife at the meeting while Pussy's back is turned.

Who is going to buy this book?

Anonymous NateM September 09, 2015 1:06 PM  

The Outspoken Gay Friend

Oh Come On. Reading the original Fleming novels one things becomes rather clear; Bond has no friends. Nor does he appear to have need of them. His thoughts are always on himself and his goals, or on the mission. That's it. Maybe outside the scope of the mission he might be more open to others, but he always came off as the proto-Sigma. Does this really seem like the kind of person who would really have time for people in his life who made a habit of sassy posturing?

Presented without comment, from Casino Royale

"What the hell do they want to send me a woman for?...And then there was this pest of a girl. (Vesper Lind) He sighed. Women were for recreation. On the job, they got in the way and fogged things up with sex and feelings and all the emotional baggage they carried around.''

Blogger Cataline Sergius September 09, 2015 1:08 PM  

And the writer appears to be making a big SJW deal about Bond's smoking.

I can already picture the poor bastard sneaking smokes out in the carport and then rushing to bathroom to get a quick shot of Listerine before Pussy notices the smell.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet September 09, 2015 1:09 PM  

John Wright,

But then again, I do not have a tin ear when it comes to characterization.

What's your normal process when you set out to create a character? How do they adapt as the plot unfolds?

Blogger BCM September 09, 2015 1:10 PM  

"Trigger Mortis was awarded four stars by the Telegraph, with reviewer Jake Kerridge saying Horowitz has “captured the spirit of Fleming more successfully” than any other author permitted to write the Bond continuation novels. It is on sale now. "

All together now. "SJWs always..."

Blogger luagha September 09, 2015 1:11 PM  

And here I thought you were going to end with 'Brother James' bleaching his skin to appear albino as penance for the hundreds he's killed in cold blood before he's approached by a mysterious secret society within the church for his special skills..

But I understand you were staying towards the real to make your point. :)

Blogger Cataline Sergius September 09, 2015 1:13 PM  

The Outspoken Gay Friend

The only friend I can remember Bond having was Felix .Leiter.

Okay...there is no getting around this...unless his name was Felix Erastes, Bond's best friend couldn't possibly have a gayer name.

Blogger ScuzzaMan September 09, 2015 1:16 PM  

@7

But have you quit wearing dungarees?

OpenID malcolmthecynic September 09, 2015 1:19 PM  

@111

I can actually believe that. Horowitz is an excellent writer who knows his way around spy novels, which makes these SJW intrusions even more disappointing.

Anonymous Curious September 09, 2015 1:22 PM  

Just don't tell a watermellon joke!

Anonymous 10900209 September 09, 2015 1:25 PM  

Of course the new PC-Bond is written by an Eskimo. All White, male pop-culture icons must be acquired by the Tribe and re-engineered to serve as agitprop vectors. They're really not in the business of entertaining the goyim; their business is social engineering for the good of the Chosen.

OpenID malcolmthecynic September 09, 2015 1:27 PM  

Wow. The off-hand jokes of white people, even if they're the friends of black people who just won awards, have a strange and unearthly power. White people are like sorcerers: We must be careful, lest the wrong word of power slips and we accidentally curse the brown people around us into oblivion with wrongspeak.

'Tis a daily struggle.

Blogger Danby September 09, 2015 1:33 PM  

@61 Big Gay Steve
Maybe if I priced the story for .99 I could get it high on the parody list.

Looks like a winner to me Steve. Go for it.

Blogger Desiderius September 09, 2015 1:36 PM  

Mr. Wright,

"Why do the SJW's have tin ears? Because for them, politics trumps everything."

I get the sense the causality runs the opposite way.

A totalizing politics that considers traditional morality/social graces superfluous as a means to cover for painfully evident moral/social retardation.

Blogger Desiderius September 09, 2015 1:41 PM  

Cail,

"I often say SJWs are stupid, and they are, but they're not that stupid."

I'm not sure the evidence backs you up there, unless midwitted counts as stupid.

They are markedly socially/morally retarded (see Haidt, for instance, on the moral piece, though it's pretty obvious on its face).

Low EQ, if you will. Some have exceptionally high IQ and expertise in a narrow field.

Anonymous Mike M. September 09, 2015 1:41 PM  

At least Matt Helm is still untainted. He's a better character, anyway. Partly because he DOES have a conscience, partly because he pays a terrible price for success.

Blogger Cail Corishev September 09, 2015 1:47 PM  

Mr. Plinkett makes a point in his review of The Crystal Skull that also applies to Bond. We watch Indiana Jones not so much because we care about the character, but because we want to be the character (or in the case of women, want to be with him). When you make him an elderly professor who's trying to reconnect with a son he's never known, and have him marry a pudgy, crabby woman because he's still carrying a torch from 20+ years ago, we might be able to like him, but we don't want to be him anymore, so it doesn't work.

Likewise, we watch Bond because we want to be him. You can change a lot about the character, but you have to maintain that. Connery Bond and Moore Bond were very different, but men wanted to be both of them and do the things they did.

I don't think I want to be Bond if he lets himself be lectured by women and homosexuals about his habits and attitude.

Blogger Midnight Avenue J September 09, 2015 2:10 PM  

Sorry, but, haven't many of the women Bond meets given him a run for his money? He always conquers them sexually, but half of them are plotting to kill him even after he seduces them, or betray him to their boss, or match him intellectually (especially in more recent films).

There are two types of women in the Bond universe: the Madonna, and the Whore. He protects the Madonna and uses the Whore, and it is implied if not outright given that his charms eventually snag him the Madonna, too.

Bond never rapes - he never has to resort to force when women give themselves so willingly to him. If a woman disinterests him, or is not interested, he does not pursue. Consider his relationship with Mrs. Moneypenny. She wants him, he flirts back, it seldom goes further than this (until the film Casino Royale where the relationship has heavier, headier sexual undertones). She might be his most perfect match but neither of them really care to take it too far. Workplace tension and all, I suppose.

So why does Bond need to be nudged and poked and prodded into 21st century ideals about women? He already dealt with them rather fairly, I thought. When they threw themselves at him, he prepped for the catch. When they betrayed him, he didn't weep over their eventual demises. When they did right by him, they were rewarded with his attention.

As for the gay stuff...meh. Bond surely knew gay men his whole life, perhaps was the subject of all of that buggery I hear goes on in British orphanages, boarding schools, and universities. Perhaps that's all myth. But Bond disparaging homos makes about as much sense as Bond considering rape. He just doesn't care. In a way, he's a drone - give him a mission and a deadline, and anything he must do to obtain his objective, he does.

Bond did have a wife. Supposedly her death is what soured him on trusting the permanence of interpersonal relationships. This renders him sympathetic to a female audience and explains why he is loathe to commit beyond the scope of one adventure.

Blogger LP999/S.I.G. Burn'in Up! September 09, 2015 2:21 PM  

SJWs and WRE!

(Such Irrational, Illogical Stupidity Ruins everything)

Blogger John Wright September 09, 2015 2:26 PM  

"What's your normal process when you set out to create a character? How do they adapt as the plot unfolds?"

I steal a character from a better author, usually someone from Greek or Roman literature, or Milton, or Shakespeare, so I know my reviewers will not recognize him, since reviewers don't read that many good books.

Some do not even recognize characters closer to home. For example, Phaethon from THE GOLDEN AGE was a straight-up Heinlein mark one character who talked like a Jack Vance character.

Also, any character I've played in a role playing game (Raven from EVERNESS, or Amelia from CHAOS) is easier to write, because I have already 'test driven' him, found his unique voice, etc.

If you've read my NIGHT LANDS stories, those are all classical figures, Antigone, etc.

When I make up the bad guy's motivation, I always assume I am the counsel for the defense, that is, his motive has to be justified to himself, according to his own philosophy. Every villain is a hero in his own version of the story.

Thus I am the opposite of an SJW, who assumes that there are no other philosophies. The SJW assumes that there is on the one hand the fashionable outrage felt by all right-thinking persons, and on the other hand nothing but hatred, bigotry, and pathological phobia.

Hence, an SJW not only cannot imagine what the argument for other side is, he cannot imagine THAT there is an argument for the other side.

Blogger David-2 September 09, 2015 2:39 PM  

Mildly off topic - but here the feminists are getting upset over an Apple -- APPLE! off all possible SJW havens -- demo: http://twitchy.com/2015/09/09/get-my-torch-feminists-angry-at-apple-over-demonstration-of-new-photoshop-app-appleevent/

Is it just me or is this complaint _totally made up_? (Heh heh, I know the answer, don't worry.)

Anonymous kfg September 09, 2015 3:24 PM  

While I might make the odd joke here (although not the one citied, as that was old and tired decades ago) I do it in the context of "here," and maybe blow off a little steam.

In the field I can black knight with a good deal more subtlety, and do so in with the sort of feigned sincerity that gets me taken as a serious SJW.

"I think I'm turning Japanese."

I was as bit of a Nipponophile back in the days after the war when that was not exactly the way to win and influence Western friends. Times, however, have changed, i.e. the weeaboos have ruined the entire field.

There might be some entertainment in moving to Old Kyoto and black knighting the English teacher weeaboos there themselves.

Anonymous BGS September 09, 2015 3:46 PM  

I hear the Hugo chorfs are getting some Iranians to help next year because they like to inject puppies with acid.
http://thefederalist.com/2015/09/08/irans-war-on-dogs/

Maybe if I priced the story for .99 I could get it high on the parody list....Looks like a winner to me Steve. Go for it.

But would Mr. Wright be ok with my boomerang razor fedora wearing catholic assassin, especially if there is a scene with a watermelon truck overturning with his hat cutting all of them in half but not hitting Gheynega Bond before returning?

My wife says the women are actually running away because he's black.

"Bond. D'Jamis Bond. I'll have a 40 ounce Schlitz. And some crab legs too Homes."

Bond. Gheynega Bond. I'll have a 40 ounce Schlitz paper bagged not stirred. And some KFC breasts too Homee.

Does this really seem like the kind of person who would really have time for people in his life who made a habit of sassy posturing?

Gheynega Bond you cant wear white after labor day.

"Heimdall - black." The funny thing is some Odinists came out and said Marvel mistranslated him being gay for black because they didn't understand the part about him having a dirty backside.

Milton, or Shakespeare, so I know my reviewers will not recognize him, since reviewers don't read that many good books.

Its bad enough you have to explain cuckservative comes from how Shakes spear and Chaucer used the word and not how leftists watch black/white porn, but having to explain who Shakes spear and Chaucer are.

Anonymous BGS September 09, 2015 3:49 PM  

It seems even the barbershops are rife with discrimination and guilty of Gender Crimes

I got my hair cut at a local place where they were telling hooker jokes when I got in, so I told a Hillary joke.

Blogger Eraser September 09, 2015 3:57 PM  

Jim (@23), something happened earlier this year that makes me think that might even work. Unfortunately I can't find any links in English about it.

One guy decided to go to a female-only meeting of student feminists. He arrived at the place dressed as a man, borrowed a dress and some make-up from friends there, changed into a woman and declared himself a "lesbian transsexual". Apparently he wasn't a troll. He didn't out himself as a troll, so he seems to be a genuinely confused young man.

The ensuing Internet firefight between two groups of feminists was hilarious. The first group writing long texts full of butthurt about how the presence of a man among 1000 women threatens their safe space, and the second group writing about how he needs to be embraced and the first group is "transphobic".

I don't see how someone could pull that off believably unless he were willing to show up in public dressed as a woman. But it would certainly drive the SJWs nuts.

Anonymous kfg September 09, 2015 4:05 PM  

"I don't see how someone could pull that off believably unless he were willing to show up in public dressed as a woman."

Piece of cake for an actor who has played Shakespeare in the traditional manner. It's just another role and another costume, not a personal identity.

Anonymous mistaben September 09, 2015 4:30 PM  

No true Scotsman would let himself be lectured by gays and women.

Blogger Salt September 09, 2015 4:52 PM  

That's why it would be effective.

We all know SJWs want to define everything their own way. So, you want to be really effective? Go into a major SJW hangout and, in a loud and commanding voice, announce you're a Social Justice Warrior - then hoist the black flag, pull out your baton, and go ballistic.

Blogger Dexter September 09, 2015 4:52 PM  

Maybe if I priced the story for .99 I could get it high on the parody list.

That book NEEDS to be written!

I'd go at least $4.99 for it!

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 09, 2015 4:53 PM  

Karsten - "Horowitz," the name, tells you all you need to know about what this Bond will be about.

Harry Saltzman never tried to ruin Bond.

Blogger ray September 09, 2015 4:59 PM  

Yo 007: please move Anthony Horowitz towards the front of the list. Time's a wastin'.

Blogger Carl Philipp September 09, 2015 5:15 PM  

@103 John Wright

Careful... you remember where Somewhither came from. Put too much effort into the joke and your Muse will compel you to write it, and make it actually worth reading.

Blogger SciVo September 09, 2015 5:25 PM  

White Hispanic should be a very easy role to play. According to a very reliable source, 63% of Mexicans identify as white, and white Hispanics can even be blond and blue-eyed (such as Anita Page). A third-generation immigrant would not necessarily have any accent, or even know the language of his ancestors.

You might not even have to change your name; you could just claim that your father's father was of German (or whatever) descent, so you're actually only 1/4 Euro-American, and 3/4 Mexican-American. Unless someone goes to the trouble of researching your genealogy, it would be difficult to disprove, and all you have to do is check the box for Hispanic ethnicity (or "some other race" if that isn't an option).

Indeed, there is a precedent: Jeb Bush once did exactly that. I guess he was feeling culturally Mexican that day.

Blogger J Melcher September 09, 2015 5:32 PM  

William Least Heat Moon
Forrest Carter
Archibald Belaney
Elizabeth Warren
Iron Eyes Cody
Ward Churchill
Mark One Wolf Yancey
Margaret Seltzer
...

Blogger SciVo September 09, 2015 5:37 PM  

For a double whammy, you could also check the boxes for having a disability and declining to state what it is. I don't think they can actually require you to specify it; but if they can, I think that alcoholic is on the list -- and who's to say that you're not? Even if you're a teetotaler, you could pose as a "dry alcoholic" (that's a real thing).

Disabled white Hispanic FTW!

Blogger aaron September 09, 2015 6:37 PM  

@103 Careful, or James Bond may, during his time at Mt. Athos, come to reject the Filioque and the infallibility of the Pope, and thus be lost forever to Rome. Better to set it on the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route, where, despite the attacks of assassins, he will complete his vow to make it to Finisterre.

Anonymous BGS September 09, 2015 7:15 PM  

That book NEEDS to be written!I'd go at least $4.99 for it!

QQ "Here Gheynega Bond is your new roofie ring"
Gheynega "Did you fix dat problem where da the white women remember agent C00sby?"
QQ "This is to help you escape, not pick up women in elevators"


Disabled white Hispanic FTW!

Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rico can collect social security for NO SPEAK ENGLISH, if amnesty passed 30+ million added to the SSD rolls.

OpenID basementhomebrewer September 09, 2015 8:03 PM  

I can't wait for the cross over where Bond has a gay trans-empiric storm trooper who now identifies as a citizen of the British empire to sass him. He could have pussy galore nag him into baking a cake for his storm trooper pals Wookie-human gay wedding. He then could carry out a hair raising mission to start a diversity team for MI6 to make sure that they hire more rainbow haired wookies as agents.

Blogger SciVo September 09, 2015 8:54 PM  

mistaben @133: "No true Scotsman would let himself be lectured by gays and women."

Ha! Sounds like a phallusy to me. Check your patriarchal privilege!

Blogger SciVo September 09, 2015 9:03 PM  

SciVo @139: "According to a very reliable source, 63% of Mexicans identify as white, and white Hispanics can even be blond and blue-eyed (such as Anita Page)."

Ack! I meant 63% of Mexican Hispanics.

Also, to be clear, the point is not to cast doubt on the authenticity of white Hispanics. Rather, the point is that since it's so easy for many of them to pass as us that it should work just as well the other way around. (In fact, according to the article, white Hispanic actors tend to be cast as non-Hispanic, since they don't "look" Hispanic enough. An easy fact to point out if called out.)

Blogger Were-Puppy September 09, 2015 10:36 PM  

@100 Bz
"Heimdall - black."

But he identifies as white? Ridiculous, what's next, Black Moses
----------

I probably shouldn't even bring this up, but it's just as lame:

She-Thor

Anonymous The other robot September 09, 2015 10:51 PM  

At least Apple had three real women as presenters and not that worthless Bruce Jenner.

Blogger Were-Puppy September 09, 2015 10:59 PM  

@140 SciVo
Indeed, there is a precedent: Jeb Bush once did exactly that. I guess he was feeling culturally Mexican that day.
--------------

[] White
[] Black
[] Asian
[] Hispanic
[X] Haib Booosh

Anonymous Satan's Hamster September 09, 2015 11:09 PM  

@149: Like so many other companies, Apple have presumably discovered that SJW butthurt is the best advertising money can't buy.

Back on the subject of lesbians in men's bodies: http://www.breitbart.com/london/2015/09/09/lesbian-posed-as-cancerous-latino-man-accused-of-sexual-assault-with-strap-on/

Now that's a headline you don't see every day.

Anonymous Jack Amok September 09, 2015 11:15 PM  

Now that's a headline you don't see every day.

Well, you didn't used to...

Blogger Kirk Parker September 09, 2015 11:53 PM  

Instapundit links to Yet Another SJW Hit Piece.

Anonymous Discard September 09, 2015 11:54 PM  

SciVo: Mexicans have their own idea of "White". When I taught Mexican kids, they said I was blond. I am not blond, not even light brown, but Mexicans have shifted their color window way to the left.

Anonymous Whitey McWhite September 10, 2015 1:04 AM  

Spider-Man actor Andrew Garfield (Jewish of course) calls for pansexual Spider-Man:

The British-American actor recently told Mic that he hopes future versions of the wisecracking superhero, who has traditionally (and contractually) been portrayed as white and straight, won’t be bound by such conventions.

“I’m excited to get to the point where we don’t have to have this conversation, where we can have a pansexual Spider-Man,” Garfield said. “What are we so scared of? Why are we so, ‘No, it has to be this way, a man and a woman.’ Why is that even a conversation?”

He continued, “We’re scared of things that aren’t us. Love is love. Skin is skin. Flesh is flesh. We’re all wrapped in the same thing. I have no preference.”

Anonymous anonymous coward September 10, 2015 2:47 AM  

We’re all wrapped in the same thing.

It's mindblowing how in 2015 one can quote (what used to be) obscure crackpot gnostic theology like it's obvious common sense.

Blogger Were-Puppy September 10, 2015 10:53 AM  

@155 Whitey McWhite

That guy is a stupid actor, he's too late to the party.

Spidah Brotha

Blogger Were-Puppy September 10, 2015 11:06 AM  

If you look into the world of Marvel and DC comics, the actual comics themselves, you will be very disappointed to see how much they have fallen to SJW takeover.

Besides the previous mentioned craziness, you also now have
Ms. Marvel - muslim
Captain America - Black Cap
Green Lantern - GL muslim




Anonymous Frank B Luke September 10, 2015 11:33 AM  

@103

Yes, that would be a horrible characterization of Bond. I'd still read it and enjoy it more than Horowitz's.

Such an internal struggle could be a wonderful storyline. It would be horrible as a Bond story, but with an original spy... Maybe it's even been done before.

I'll stop now. I have enough books of yours I'm waiting on you to finish without adding to your muse' list (and tell Jago I like the Rachel stories). A friend did that to me recently. Mentioned a connection between a story I'd written and a character I play in one of his games. My muse tapped and a month later, I had 25K words in a sequel, but it still isn't done. The muse finally told me where to take a different story of mine that I've been dying to finish.

Anonymous Frank B Luke September 10, 2015 12:17 PM  

Sorry. Typo there. Jagi.

Anonymous BGS September 10, 2015 12:31 PM  

Green Lantern - GL muslim

"In brightest day, In blackest night, No unattended 6yo infidel girl will escape my sight, Let those who worship civilizations might, Beware my jihadi Green suicide vests light"

Blogger John Wright September 10, 2015 1:52 PM  

http://www.scifiwright.com/2015/04/affirmative-action-avengers/

It is worse than you think. Here is the line up of the latest Avengers:

--Starting from the bottom left, we have Ms Marvel. This is not Carol Danvers, White adult, but is Muslim Pakistani teen Kamala Khan. She does not have the powers of Carol Danvers, but something more like Reed Richards or Plastic Man. And she glows in the dark.

--Next is Spider-Man. This is not Peter Parker, White, but is Miles Morales, Half-Black, Half-Hispanic. He has Peter’s powers, but also Spiderwoman’s bioelectric shocks.

--Next is Nova. This is not Richard Rider nor Jesse Alexander, White, but Sam Alexander, Hispanic. Same powers as any member of the Nova Corps.

--Aloft is Iron Person otherwise called Rescue. This is not Tony Stark, Male, nor even James Rhodes, Soldier, but Pepper Potts, Tony’s secretary and confidante, Female. Same powers, since they come from a suit of power armor. (UNCONFIRMED! This might be Tony after all. Or Rhodie. Or Doctor Doom.)

--Midmost is Captain America. This is not Steve Rogers, White, but Sam Wilson aka Falcon, Black. Same shield, tough fighter, psychic link with a falcon.

--Surmounting all is Thor with Boobs. This is not Don Blake, not Eric Masterson, not Jake Olsen, Red Norvell, not Beta Ray Bill, Captain America, Wonder Man, or Throg. Also, it is not Valkyrie nor Sif, no, nor is it Tarene the Thor Girl. She is a Woman. Same powers, since they come from the hammer.

--Right is Vision. He is actually Vision, a red-skinned android. Unless he is Wonder Man. He alone is the same as he was. Maybe being a synthetic man is sufficiently nonthreatening.

Now, here is my question: Did you or did you not think the All-Affirmative Action Avengers was an April’s Fool’s Day prank? You thought I was making this up?

Anonymous Whitey McWhite September 10, 2015 5:38 PM  

162. John Wright: "Now, here is my question: Did you or did you not think the All-Affirmative Action Avengers was an April’s Fool’s Day prank? You thought I was making this up?"

No, but I thought you were wrong to say "Same powers, since they come from the hammer." It's superior powers, since they come from the self-same hammer, and in the comic I read that the hammer responded to Thor as it never had to Thor-without-boobs.

It would be a fine posture to say I didn't pick that nit since I was inclined to take it easy on you. But in truth, I know better than to start picking nits with a Champions player. Especially one who knows what to do with Paste Pot Pete, and how to do it.

Blogger geezer September 17, 2015 2:34 PM  

VD
You might be interested in a newly published 'self-help' book titled "F*CK FEELINGS' by psychiatrist Michael Bennet. The SJWs will be literally, totally offended. His approach is more subtle than yours but it will equally offend SJWs and feminists.

Post a Comment

Rules of the blog
Please do not comment as "Anonymous". Comments by "Anonymous" will be spammed.

<< Home

Newer Posts Older Posts