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Friday, September 04, 2015

Voltotter's Prayer

126 Comments:

Blogger Mad Dok Rob September 04, 2015 12:01 PM  

Amen

Anonymous Krul September 04, 2015 12:09 PM  

"Know this, SJW, I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy."

Blogger Chiva September 04, 2015 12:11 PM  

"And to you a good day. I said, Good Day Sir!"

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 12:26 PM  

Next year should be the Hugo year of the rabid otter. Puppies are nice and all, but otters are unbelievably cute even while ripping the heads off of small animals.

Anonymous Darth Toolpodicus #144 September 04, 2015 12:42 PM  

Amen

Blogger bob k. mando September 04, 2015 12:48 PM  

i dunno. entrail kitty is pretty cute.

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f125/bobkmando/canbeentrails_zpshpmnluwp.jpg

Blogger Blackburn #0040 September 04, 2015 12:49 PM  

@4 I just googled pet otter and the top hit said 'Otters are frequently described as “ferrets on crack”'

So, maybe there is something to this idea! What better description of the VFM than Ferrets on Crack.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan September 04, 2015 12:50 PM  

Is "Rabid Otter" trending yet?

Blogger Didact September 04, 2015 12:54 PM  

@4,

RABID OTTERS 2016. I'd support that. Any other VFMs on board?

Blogger Jack Ward September 04, 2015 12:55 PM  

Rabid Otter. Does resonate, does it not?

Maybe, Rabid Assault Otters; Berserker Otters; Legion de Otter;

the sjw counter with the odder otters.

Blogger Alexander September 04, 2015 12:59 PM  

Rabid Otters are the naval component of the rabid army.

Blogger Salt September 04, 2015 1:00 PM  

Any other VFMs on board?

Nope. It's puppies all the way.

Anonymous WinstonWebb September 04, 2015 1:02 PM  

sjw counter with the odder otters.

In light of their recently exposed erotic preferences, would not "toddler otters" be more apropos?

Blogger Rabbi B September 04, 2015 1:04 PM  

OMEYN!

Blogger Kels #0308 September 04, 2015 1:10 PM  

@14 Rabbi B

I lol'd. Well played sir, well played.

Blogger SirHamster (#201) September 04, 2015 1:11 PM  

Any other VFMs on board?
--------------
Nope. It's puppies all the way.


So it begins.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:21 PM  

There are enough of us now to divide into two assault groups. Rabid Puppies for mass damage and bone gnawing, Rabid Otters of naval assault and decapitations.

This plays directly into E Pluribus Hugo, in 2017, for those who are paying attention. Why limit yourself to one slate? If we can put together 5 slates, we can probably shut Tor out again.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:23 PM  

We need an aerial assault group as well, but I can't think of any cute birds of prey.... Maybe Rabid Owlets?

Anonymous Krul September 04, 2015 1:30 PM  

@18 Danby - "We need an aerial assault group as well"

Reporting for duty

Anonymous Duke of URL VFM#391 September 04, 2015 1:31 PM  

Vox, you've been horribly insulted by Declan Finn:
"Seriously, Vox isn't Darth Vader, people, leave him the Hell alone."

Anonymous Giuseppe The Kurgan September 04, 2015 1:35 PM  

OT:SirHamster,
Thank you by the way for the expose on the one-eyed terful Indian really being a Dago. Kind of irinic when the Red Indian host lives in Italy and the Dago holds the Red Men in high esteem.

Blogger BunE22 September 04, 2015 1:43 PM  

SJWs already have a name: Weird Kitties.

As per Phil Sandifer: https://archive.is/5ePyY

Down at the bottom he says,

"Why “Weird Kitties”?

Well, the Kitties are the obvious choice. I mean, whoever decided to make the first conscious anti-Puppy organizing group was always going to call it the Kitties. As for “weird…” because it’s a word with so much meaning within SF/F. Not just the “weird fiction” tradition of H.P. Lovecraft and China Mieville, but the idea that science fiction and fantasy should be about strange new things, as opposed to trying to rehash a vision of the past that’s more nostalgia than history. That and the fact that Vox Day’s new book, SJWs Always Lie, makes much of contrasting Hugo voters with “normal” people. If Vox Day is normal, I sure as hell wanna be weird.

Blogger tihald September 04, 2015 1:44 PM  

Thank you, O Lord, for making my enemies so ridiculous (and their tears so tasty). Amen.

This has been a very fun week.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:49 PM  

@19 Krul
I admit, i laughed. I had forgotten that picture.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:50 PM  

The question is, are enough of them going to be sufficiently anal to refuse to nominate the slate?

Then again, they're SJWs, They will nominate the slate and then claim they didn't

Anonymous fish September 04, 2015 1:51 PM  

If Vox Day is normal, I sure as hell wanna be weird.

Mission accomplished Pedo-Phil!

Blogger CM September 04, 2015 1:51 PM  

Rabid Hummingbirds...

Rabid Canaries. As much as I think it would be a travesty to associate the vfm with Tweety Bird, he always destroys the cat when the cat thinks he's being sooo clever.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:52 PM  

If they're the kitties, we definitely need owls:
http://www.energytrendsinsider.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Horned_Owl_Cat.jpg?00cfb7

Anonymous Nathan September 04, 2015 1:53 PM  

Sandifer's recent defense of pedophilia should go a long way to defanging his slate. In the meantime, I shall meditate on Brother Voltotter's words.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 1:56 PM  

Although an eagle might do as well:
http://s38.photobucket.com/user/jimbro999/media/IMG_3226a.jpg.html

Anonymous Dennis Mahon September 04, 2015 2:00 PM  

Otters on Bath Salts?

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 2:01 PM  

Hmmmm Tweety eh?
I think I remember one cartoon....
Here's a still:
http://s3.media.squarespace.com/production/1074073/12656271/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Hydetweet.jpg
And the video

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 2:05 PM  

4-year-old granddaughter: Grandpa what bird is that?
me: That's an eagle
GD: What's he doing
Me: he's flying away with a kitty
gd: did he kill him?
me: yes
gd: Is he going to eat him?
me: yes
gd; HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Blogger Blackburn #0040 September 04, 2015 2:10 PM  

@31 Flakka is the new Bath Salts, so if Otters are Ferrets on Crack, then add rabies and you get Otters on Flakka.

How many slates do we need? We've got two puppy slates, an otter slate, a TBD winged slate. I think we need something space based, and something from another dimension.

Blogger bob k. mando September 04, 2015 2:10 PM  

you're making me feel very unsafe right now, Danby.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 2:17 PM  

@35 bob k. mando (note now correct capitalization)
you're making me feel very unsafe right now, Danby.

I can't tell you how pleased I am by that, bob.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 2:19 PM  

I asked her why that was funny, and she said "Cats eat birds, but that bird is eating a cat"

Which is as good a definition of humor as Warner Bros ever came up with.

Blogger JWM September 04, 2015 2:19 PM  

Weird kitties? HMMM..
Being a cat guy I hope this doesn't put me in a conflict of interest. Ol' Budders is sitting on my desk as I type. Luckily, he doesn't read too well. This has indeed been a most entertaining week. I'm waiting on delivery of my Kindle so I can get the book. The VFM thing is loads of fun, although filing my teeth really pissed off my dentist. (I cheated and used the Dremel)

JWM

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 2:20 PM  

@34
Are the kitties on Jenkem?

Blogger automatthew September 04, 2015 2:22 PM  

Men who like cats belong in the same level of hell as men who use Photobucket.

Blogger automatthew September 04, 2015 2:23 PM  

See, NorthernHamlet, that is friendly jabbing.

Blogger CM September 04, 2015 2:24 PM  

@ Danby

That would make a good badge, would it not?

Blogger JWM September 04, 2015 2:31 PM  

@40
Best laugh of the morning award. (No photobucket here.)

JWM

Anonymous Donn #0114 September 04, 2015 2:34 PM  

They are crack UDT trained and ready to go with the acid squirt guns who could argue against that. Plus they are adorable when they hold their stuffed animals.

Blogger dc.sunsets September 04, 2015 2:44 PM  

OT, probably old news, but E.W. is doing a victory lap over the gay character's presence in the upcoming Star Wars film(s).
http://www.ew.com/article/2015/09/04/star-wars-aftermath-gay-character

I asked my near-80 year old in-laws what % of the populace is LGBT. They answered 30%. I then asked them to guestimate the total people they know off hand: conservatively 400-500. Then I asked how many of those were LGBT? Four.

Mind control 101.

From this smashing success, I imagine the Leftists salivate at adding a few fun and endearing pedophiles to TV sitcoms and pretty soon even retirees will think it's normal and widespread.

Blogger bob k. mando September 04, 2015 2:45 PM  

40. automatthew September 04, 2015 2:22 PM
Men who like cats belong in the same level of hell as men who use Photobucket.



*shrugs*

it's all of a piece. Toxoplasma gondii is a helluva drug.

Blogger Bard September 04, 2015 2:50 PM  

It's not praying, it is bowing to it's sensei.

Blogger Bard September 04, 2015 2:52 PM  

The dark lord of evil.

Anonymous Overlord Lebowski September 04, 2015 3:02 PM  

Ahh. Nice marmot.

OpenID cglasgow99 September 04, 2015 3:26 PM  

The Dread Ilk will be pleased to note that the Sad Puppies 4 planning thread at Mad Genius Club is drawing some of their advice from "SJWS Always Lie", particularly the parts about assuming that the con staff will be out to screw them blind (an expectation shaped by the publishing of the con's Code of Conduct and noting how it falls exactly within the vague BS that SJWs love to use, see chapter 6) and therefore it will be necessary to record everything and make them eject you rather than agree to leave.

http://madgeniusclub.com/2015/09/03/introducing-sad-puppies-four-the-bitches-are-back/

It is heartening when allies, despite what trivial differences might exist between you and them, are still willing to heed your advice.

Blogger automatthew September 04, 2015 3:47 PM  

Apropos of everything, I haven't seen anything from Beau lately.

Anonymous BGS September 04, 2015 4:39 PM  

Dogs are mans best friend, cats are the roommate that poops in a box, & I don't think you want to know what otter is in gay language.

is doing a victory lap over the gay character's presence in the upcoming Star Wars film

There will be a scene where he steals storm trooper armor while they are all in the showers.

Blogger Floyd Looney September 04, 2015 4:40 PM  

We should make the SJW's happy and include gay characters in our stories... as the bad guys. lol.

OpenID cglasgow99 September 04, 2015 4:47 PM  

I always say that people who say that cats are cold and aloof are saying more about themselves than they are about cats. The average cat, if consistently given positive attention, will be all over you like a furry little blanket whenever you enter the house.

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 4:52 PM  

Cats are essentially feminine.
Everything is about them
Do what they want or the claws come out
You are allowed to pet them exactly as much as they want to be petted, no more.
You exist to serve them
They enjoy sadistic cruelty

Blogger Daniel September 04, 2015 4:54 PM  

First, let's debate whether to call them SJWs or SJBs again.

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 04, 2015 5:26 PM  

JWM - I'm a cat man too! I have two rescue kitties and the older, plumper, beautifuler and more mysterious one is a Daddy's girl. She hobbles down the stairs, miowing all the way, to greet me when I come home from work.

Kitties are natural elitists. No self-respecting cat would want to be associated with a merkin-mandibled malodorous molestor like Philip Sandifer.

No amount of fishy treats would cover up his piscine stank.

Danby - you just listed all the things that are great about cats and women!

Also, they make relaxation an art form. Sloth generally isn't an admirable trait, till you see a cat or a buxom red-haired princess gracefully and sensuously lazing it up in bed.

If only I could teach my wife to kill spiders...

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 5:31 PM  

Stevil,
I did not intend to denigrate cats, merely to point out the convergence. Personally, I like women and mostly tolerate cats.

Anonymous JRL September 04, 2015 5:44 PM  

Oh dear, I'm afraid my sensors are what I can't even. Your biocysnormative bullying is clearly problematic. c3po is the first gay character!

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 04, 2015 6:16 PM  

JRL - All the characters in Star Wars were gay.

That's why there were only two women in the entire trilogy.

Obi Wan - sketchy older man who is wanted by the authorities and takes a suspicious interest in his gullible young "nephew", spiriting him away to strange bars and showing him how to grip his lightsaber.

Luke - the only girl he kissed was his sister.

Han Solo - obviously living in sin with his hairy concubine, Chewy.

The Death Star - gigantic gay space station which kills people with its big gay superlaser. All the troops on board are gay and spend their time polishing their helmets and shooting like girls. But if something is fired up its "exhaust port" it explodes... with sexy results.

Blogger Markku September 04, 2015 6:19 PM  

That's why there were only two women in the entire trilogy.

They were trying to get shit done in the original trilogy.

Anonymous BGS September 04, 2015 6:21 PM  

Poor Germans kicked out of homes so refugees can have nicer homes built for them.
http://gatesofvienna.net/2015/08/evicted-to-make-room-for-migrants/

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 6:22 PM  

Salt @12: "Nope. It's puppies all the way."

Gentlemen, please! Otters use the same terminology of bitches, dogs and pups. I don't see any reason why you couldn't be a Lutrinae puppy instead of a Canis lupus familiaris puppy.

Blogger Anthony Gillis September 04, 2015 6:37 PM  

@58

Your apology is too little, too late, and is itself problematic. Please use appropriate nouns.

Xats, as they identify themselves, are beautiful, differently bipedal persons worthy of respect and love. Did you know opposable 'thumbs' are a white, cis-species tool of oppression, invented as a fetish, like so much else, by the Victorians?

And women?
WOMEN?
Wow, just wow.

The term changed to womyn at least as far back as late pre-Whatever times (shudder), and is now either cis-wymyn, or trans-trans-wymyn.

Please make a further, full apology, so that we may reject it as well.

Blogger Anthony Gillis September 04, 2015 6:38 PM  

And 'otters'? They are known right-wingnut sympathizers, and so don't count as minority-species. They must be rejected and shunned at all times!

Anonymous Stingray September 04, 2015 6:40 PM  

Isn't it about time Wendell's friend is given a name?

Anonymous 334 September 04, 2015 6:40 PM  

They were trying to get shit done in the original trilogy.

Best. Of. The. Day.

But technically that's an Alpha Game comment ...

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 6:40 PM  

Incidentally, bat young can also be pups, so I imagine that we could have Chiroptera puppies too, and they known for being rabid. Given the VFMs' reputation for bloodlust, I would recommend Desmodus rotundus specifically.

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 7:07 PM  

JWM @38: "I'm waiting on delivery of my Kindle so I can get the book."

I'm reading it on my laptop. There are Kindle apps for PCs, tablets and smartphones, so if you can comment here, you can get SJWAL and start it right now.

Blogger Cee September 04, 2015 7:08 PM  

The face of the Rapid Puppies Aerial Division?

I think so.

Blogger ray September 04, 2015 7:55 PM  

Otters in water and otties on terra. Plenty of firepower.

That just leaves the air needs cleaning.

Anonymous Viidad September 04, 2015 8:09 PM  

From the Sad Puppies thread at Mad Genius Club:

Alicia Stockton
September 3, 2015 at 8:33 am

"I’m definitely in this year. My goal is to highlight more urban fantasy and paranormal romance because I think those fields are too easily dismissed.

#GetLaurellKaHugo because Laurell K Hamilton inspired a whole genre of leather clad preternatural powered investigators with one werewolf boyfriend and one vampire boyfriend. There are many like her, but Anita Blake is the original.

Fandom is not an exclusive club. I will not be looked down upon for my reading choices. I majored in literature and I have a master’s degree. I simply prefer entertaining fiction."

(snicker)

Blogger Danby September 04, 2015 8:20 PM  

And that is why I'm not a Sad Puppy. Honestly, I looked at Kate's agenda, and well, it gives the SJWs everything they want. No "slates", meaning specifically a recommendation list with exactly 5 entries. No exclusion of SJW works.
Screw that noise. The SP IV effort will be wasted because women don't like conflict, even if they call themselves "The Impaler".

Anonymous zen0 the Ephemeral September 04, 2015 8:20 PM  

@52 BGS
.... & I don't think you want to know what otter is in gay language.

Hirsute homunculus?

Anonymous Viidad September 04, 2015 8:27 PM  

@Danby

Yeah, I wish them luck but it's not a winning strategy. It's... inclusive.

Anonymous Not-So-Merry zen0 September 04, 2015 8:50 PM  

@72 Viidad

Quoting Alicia Stockton, SJW: "I’m definitely in this year. My goal is to highlight more urban fantasy and paranormal romance because I think those fields are too easily dismissed.

Entryist. Next thing you know, she will be taking over the Sad V project, with their blessing.

Blogger overcaffeinated September 04, 2015 8:51 PM  

Owls, bats and eagles are cool and all, but don't have the cute/goofy factor that puppies do. (Which was, as I understand, the reason for choosing puppies and not, say, velociraptors.) I propose the Rabid Flying Squirrels.

@45

"I imagine the Leftists salivate at adding a few fun and endearing pedophiles to TV sitcoms and pretty soon even retirees will think it's normal and widespread."

Apparently, the left did try that in the 70's. This article gives some examples, and suggests the (perhaps somewhat paranoid) idea that pedophilia was shelved in order to attack the Catholic Church: http://www.firstthings.com/article/2009/12/how-pedophilia-lost-its-cool

Blogger bob k. mando September 04, 2015 8:56 PM  

70. Cee September 04, 2015 7:08 PM
The face of the Rapid Puppies Aerial Division?



baby sharks are also known as "pups".

fire up the Sharknado and we've got all our aerial interdiction needs covered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZ8IFApuVfI

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 8:56 PM  

Sadly, I already knew (without having to look it up) that an otter is a short, slender bear. Don't ask me why, I'm beyond a compulsive reader to a knowledge devourer, ergo my nick (which is short for scientivore).

Blogger Steve Moss September 04, 2015 9:08 PM  

A lot of animal young are known as pups.

Dogs
Bats
Otters
Sharks
Sea Lions
Walruses
Seals
Fox
Coyotes
Wolves

and probably others I'm missing.

Blogger Mint September 04, 2015 9:28 PM  

Isn't there already an award for romance genre?

Some people just want to have power of everything and cannot let anyone have their own thing.

Blogger Daniel September 04, 2015 9:41 PM  

Star Wars BC(Before Chicks)

Star Wars - Lose dad, save galaxy.
Empire - Become Jedi, flip dad the bird.
Return - Save galaxy, gain dad.

AC

Phantom Menace - dad's a germ, modify tax code.
Attack of the Clones - become a whiner, remember mom's been a 2 dollar slave for a decade.
Revenge of the Sith -Kill kids, dance on robots in a volcano.

Blogger Daniel September 04, 2015 9:44 PM  

Yeah, SP will attract new well-meaning Hugonauts, who will then get rocket-raped by the SJW Clan of the Pedobears, awaken, and join the ranks of the VFM.

The Circle of Chaos continues.

Anonymous Desmodus Rotundus #0046, leader of GamerGate. September 04, 2015 9:49 PM  

Otters are #GG. Despite being original GG as well as vile, faceless, and a minion, I think it is best to keep our symbols distinct. The minions are not the puppies are not GamerGate.

Anonymous Desmodus Rotundus #0046 September 04, 2015 9:58 PM  

I just googled pet otter and the top hit said 'Otters are frequently described as “ferrets on crack”'

How would you know the difference?

Blogger Daniel September 04, 2015 9:59 PM  

You otter know better than to tone police! VILE RABID GAMERGUPPIES 4EVR!

Anonymous zen0 the Ephemeral September 04, 2015 10:05 PM  

@79

Already covered>

See @74

Blogger S1AL September 04, 2015 10:16 PM  

If dogs exist to demonstrate unconditional love, I suppose cats exist to remind us that we're really not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Note stop meeting, ape-thing, and the food dish.

Anonymous Nathan September 04, 2015 10:22 PM  

We'll see about Sad Puppies. Alicia already got shot down on a "vote the work not the author" line of argument. Problem is, we had a jackass sperg out on the meaning of is, and not much in suggestions so far. That, and with the abuse spinning up, it feels like SP4 apologized to the pedo puppykicker wing of Worldcon by the setup. I'd like to see certain things win Sad Puppies nominations, mostly because I want the media tie-in authors and publishers to explain to Disney, Blizzard, Bungie, etc. why they acted like spiteful idiots if there's a repeat of this year's clownshoe antics at the Hugos. I have a feeling, though, I'll be back Rabid by the end.

Blogger Daniel September 04, 2015 10:50 PM  

The Sad Puppies will serve a purpose for as long as they last; their innocent blood - spilled by gladhanding backstabbing SJWs - will provide a tart sauce to accompany a festive dish of ice cold revenge.

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 10:53 PM  

Steve Moss @80: "A lot of animal young are known as pups."

I think it's amazing that it took four years for the diversification to expand beyond the mood.

Personally, I'm a trickster, so I'm obviously a Coyote Puppy. [snort] Obviously.

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 10:58 PM  

zen0 the Ephemeral @87: "Already covered>"

Well, but see, I didn't want to picture a hirsute homunculus. So I didn't.

Blogger SciVo September 04, 2015 11:04 PM  

Nathan @89: "I'd like to see certain things win Sad Puppies nominations, mostly because I want the media tie-in authors and publishers to explain to Disney, Blizzard, Bungie, etc. why they acted like spiteful idiots if there's a repeat of this year's clownshoe antics at the Hugos. I have a feeling, though, I'll be back Rabid by the end."

Well I don't know about you, but there is nothing stopping me from being both Sad and Rabid. I'm a Coyote Puppy, so I can easily do both.

Blogger ScuzzaMan September 04, 2015 11:28 PM  

Well, yeah, there is one thing stopping me ftom being a Sad and Rabid Coyote Trickster Puppy ... it's the mandatory double-ended dildo I'd have to wear.

Fuck sake, people!

Anonymous Viidad September 04, 2015 11:41 PM  

@ScuzzaMan

What does that even mean, dude?

Anonymous #0046 September 04, 2015 11:45 PM  

You're right. I otter.

Anonymous LurkingPuppy September 05, 2015 12:03 AM  

@89: it feels like SP4 apologized to the pedo puppykicker wing of Worldcon by the setup.

Yep. But SP4 will serve a few useful purposes anyway:

* They're planning to list the 10 items per category that the SJWs said would make it not a slate. SJWs are attacking them for planning a slate anyway, thereby proving yet again that moderation is futile.

* They'll bring more people who have been neutral into the cultural war in the first place. I'm already seeing noise about how fair and impartial the MidAmeriCon 2 committee will be, just like the Sasquan committee that chose this year's rocket-up-the-Asterisk trophy was totally fair and impartial. If MAC2 decides to bugger the Hugo winners again, they'll radicalize many of those newcomers, along with some of the folks who should have learned their lesson this time, and perhaps not just in the Hugos.

* They'll probably produce a useful reading list, albeit one contaminated with pink goo.

* If ‘SJWs Always Lie’ gets on the Hugo ballot (and it should), the Sads will have to read it.

* The Sads' 10-element list will spread the Sad vote out enough that RP2 should be able to own the slate completely.

* The Sad vote should (er, might) be concentrated enough that, even if RP2 includes an enemy or moderate (or bugger-phobic) nominee who might withdraw, the SJWs won't be able to get one of their candidates onto the ballot. (If we can't count on the Sads for that, then RP2 will have to have a sixth candidate in each category in which we want to nominate a non-Rabid work, and allocating the votes properly to each of the candidates becomes an annoying coordination problem.)

Anonymous Wyrd September 05, 2015 12:18 AM  

You're right. I otter.

You deserve a Roman legion-style flogging for this.

Blogger SciVo September 05, 2015 12:25 AM  

Viidad @95: "What does that even mean, dude?"

If he thought I was funny, it would turn him into a lesbian. I have deep sympathy for his dire condition. It could metastasize at any time.

Blogger Carl Philipp September 05, 2015 12:31 AM  

@60
It's not just the original trilogy. Anakin Skywalker woos women with all the enthusiasm of a man planning his own funeral.

And why do you think he built C-3P0 to be gay?

Anonymous kjj September 05, 2015 12:55 AM  

Like a plate of shrimp, I'm amused to have run across this phrase twice in one day after zero times in the prior portion of my life.

http://www.molonlabe.net/Commentaries/jeff3_10.html

I've been reading Jeff Cooper's commentaries, which started in the early 90s. For me, a trip down memory lane, since I paid much attention to current events over that same period, now mostly fuzzy. Sad to see tragic situations unfold over months and years. Also sad to see how advanced our great rot was 20 years ago.

Lots of good gun stuff in there too, of course. Apparently I've been holding my 1911 wrong...

Blogger IM2L844 September 05, 2015 1:45 AM  

They're starting off a little out of kilter, but it's heartening that they're already planning and I figure SP4 will be plenty pissed off and focused like a bitch in a few months...women scorned and all that.

Anonymous Jim Milo September 05, 2015 2:09 AM  

@22 Sounds like Weird Twitter.

SA goons into the Hugos now. Surprised it wasn't sooner.

Anonymous Jim Milo September 05, 2015 2:16 AM  

@76 Looks like I'm going to have to nominate Smegma King to combat all those entryists...

Anonymous Wyrd September 05, 2015 2:19 AM  

"Looks like I'm going to have to nominate Smegma King to combat all those entryists..."

Dude...

Anonymous Laz September 05, 2015 2:57 AM  

The Star Wars prequel hatred is strong. Episode 3 wasn't terrible.

Blogger Groot September 05, 2015 4:33 AM  

Mr. Plinkett's Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Review

Laz, buddy, it was terrible.

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 05, 2015 5:07 AM  

The Star Wars prequel hatred is strong.

I liked the bit where 80 year old Christopher Lee has a lightsaber duel with a backflipping karate Muppet.

Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 05, 2015 5:41 AM  

Review of SJWs ALWAYS LIE: over at TheOtherMcCain.

"Highly recommended; I don’t often say this, but this is a book you absolutely ought to read"

You may want to check out Robert Stacy McCain's masterful demolition of feminism in his book SEX TROUBLE

Anonymous Shut up rabbit September 05, 2015 5:42 AM  

@17. Danby
Five slates? All slightly different but somehow similar? I'm sure The Dark Lord VD is not planning anything like that at all, even as we speak.

Anonymous Shut up rabbit September 05, 2015 5:44 AM  

22. BunE22

Its actually The Big Pussies

Blogger bob k. mando September 05, 2015 5:50 AM  

104. Laz September 05, 2015 2:57 AM
The Star Wars prequel hatred is strong. Episode 3 wasn't terrible.



in comparison to Ep 1 and 2.

it was still only a 3 or 4 on a ten point scale and a big "do NOT pay to watch".

i mean, hell, 'Paths of Glory' is a really good movie that can be watched over and over again. you want to see Ep 1 - 3 more than once? you're broken.

the only good thing about Ep 1 - 3 is that we got Plinkett's reviews out of them. you should watch all of those.

Anonymous Laz September 05, 2015 8:33 AM  

@ Groot and Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery: I said episode 3.

@ bob: I've seen episode 3 five times. I saw episodes 1 and 2 once in the theater and regretted it. I've seen Paths of Glory exactly once about 30 years ago on the good 'ol VHS. I could watch it again but, it's not my first choice.

Blogger Cail Corishev September 05, 2015 8:57 AM  

Episode 3 wasn't terrible.

It's so bad that many times the Rifftrax guys don't even have to riff; they just let the dialogue speak for itself and chuckle along with the viewer.

But yes, it was "better" than 1 and 2. How on earth could people watch dailies and not say, "Holy crap, these kids couldn't act their way out of a paper bag"? Or, "Uh, is anyone else getting bored with this 20-minute dance-fight/race?" Chalk it up to the power of budget and reputation shutting down internal criticism, I guess.

I realize that, at least for the kids I know, all you need is lots of computer enhanced things crashing into each other and throwing each other around, with the occasional "funny" line thrown in, and maybe a "relationship" for the girl viewers. They had all those. But can't you have those and decent acting, editing, and a story that makes sense?

Anonymous Laz September 05, 2015 9:15 AM  

@ Cail: There was no good acting in the original trilogy either. Mark Hamill is as least as bad an actor as Hayden Christenson. Plot and editing? Sure but, no good acting.

Blogger VFM bot #188 September 05, 2015 9:17 AM  

Any other VFMs on board?

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Anonymous Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery September 05, 2015 9:28 AM  

Laz - Darth Vader was better with David Prowse's original vocal performance.

Blogger Cail Corishev September 05, 2015 10:02 AM  

Chewie had more emotional range than Christensen, though I was actually thinking of the kids in #1. But older Anakin's emotional range goes from angsty ennui to angsty anger, and neither one is convincing. Hamill wasn't a great actor (though he still does lots of voice work, so presumably he can act with his voice, just not with his weird face), but he was better than that, and Ford was a legitimate star. The prequels have legitimate stars, but in supporting, mostly phoned-in roles.

Funny thing is, I thought they did a good job, at least in theory, of coming up with an answer to the question, "So how did this guy end up so planet-destroyingly evil?" Having no father, taken away from mother, guilt over mother's death, manipulation by creepy mentalist mentor, corrupted by power, guilt over killing own wife....yeah, that could do it. That could have been a great story, if it'd been done at all well.

Blogger J Melcher September 05, 2015 10:09 AM  

Interesting and Puppy-esque, (shorter version, "I didn't leave Star Trek, Star Trek left me...")

https://www.claremont.org/download_pdf.php?file_name=2122Sandefur.pdf

OpenID cglasgow99 September 05, 2015 10:33 AM  

Star Wars Episode 3 is a very interesting movie in that half of it is an exceptional, moving, gripping, well-acted, emotionally powerful, and generally very interesting story. Actually watching the Fall of the Jedi Order and Order 66 happen was a suitable climax to all the buildup we'd gotten in earlier movies and the original trilogy.

But the /other/ half of the movie is crap on a level of watching Anakin talk about sand. Seriously, if you take out the highlights of episode 3, the remainder makes episode /2/ look good. (Nothing makes episode 1 look good by comparision. Not even brain cancer.)

So yes, episode 3 is the only part of the trilogy that I rewatch. But I don't rewatch all of it.

Anonymous Donn #0114 September 05, 2015 12:17 PM  

Here's what amazed the hell out of me about episodes 123. How do you make Star Wars boring? I mean not even bad/good boring just stultifying boring. Fucking shaolin monks vs samurai in space with fighter jocks using footage that could have been shot straight off the deck of the Ohio while getting strafed and you make it about taxes, trade agreements and embargoes. Embargo a planet? What they can't grow food anywhere on the planet? Does it make the midiclorians sad?

I hate Lucas. I have the originals on DVD. Those are worth watching.

Anonymous Wyrd September 05, 2015 1:03 PM  

How do you make Star Wars boring?

Lucas always needs someone else to produce his best. With the original, he almost had a heart attack to complete on his own. It took someone else to make Empire great and Return acceptable. With the prequels, he thought "I'm George mama-fudging Lucas! I'll do what I want!" and the result was male bovine feces.

Anonymous map September 05, 2015 1:24 PM  

Video game designers can put together a better Star Wras movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3UCqvQGMs

Blogger bob k. mando September 05, 2015 2:41 PM  

113. Laz September 05, 2015 9:15 AM
There was no good acting in the original trilogy either. Mark Hamill is as least as bad an actor as Hayden Christenson. Plot and editing? Sure but, no good acting.



all ep4 had going for it was the ( for the time ) mind blowing CGI. which, you know, is enough ... when you're <10.

otherwise ep4 is pretty mediocre. it's poor enough over all that i can't stand to watch the new releases with all the retarded Luke-Ass CGI jammed into every corner of the screen distracting you from the actual story.

also, Han shot first. jeezus George, you're a fucking retard.

the only reason to re-watch ep4 is so you have an excuse to watch Empire and Return again.

also, Sir Alec Guinness would like to have a word with you about this whole 'no good acting' assertion.

Blogger Groot September 07, 2015 2:04 AM  

@113. Laz:
"@ Groot and Steve, The Dark Ninja of Mockery: I said episode 3."

You did, and I linked to Episode I because I want you to watch the review I linked to from the beginning (duh), but I should have mentioned it. Mr. Plinkett's Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Review is a must-watch. (Fascinating gestures with his Dr. Strange fingers:) You must watch this.

Blogger Markku September 07, 2015 4:54 PM  

Watched the first ten minutes. So far, absolute, pure 100% awesomeness.

Quote, re: ep4

"This shot says everything we need to know without saying one word. In fact this is so genius I have a feeling that George Lucas had nothing to do with it, and probably fought against putting it in the movie"

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