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Monday, October 12, 2015

So you want to be a minion?

Actually, that particular number is reserved for the late Bane. But everything from 453 and up is available.

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59 Comments:

Blogger Remo - Vile Faceless Minion #99 October 12, 2015 6:16 AM  

453? We have grown... we are legion... time to party...

Blogger Unknown October 12, 2015 6:19 AM  

You are a clever blogger aren't you. Sharp. Poignant. Funny. It has all the food groups.

Blogger Lulabelle October 12, 2015 6:20 AM  

I think this recruiting advert would be Bane-approved.

Blogger The Original Hermit October 12, 2015 6:35 AM  

Wouldn't it be illegible after branded? Flipped

Blogger Rantor October 12, 2015 6:56 AM  

Original Hermit, you may be too smart for this ride...

Blogger 334 October 12, 2015 6:57 AM  

Y'know, I always pictured Malwyn as a blonde ...

Blogger The Original Hermit October 12, 2015 7:14 AM  

@6 But not smart enough to avoid the wrath of Malwyn.

Blogger The Original Hermit October 12, 2015 7:14 AM  

I mean @5

Blogger VFM 188 October 12, 2015 7:34 AM  

What is a vile, faceless, minion? What do they do? What is the covenant of a VFM?

Blogger Sam October 12, 2015 7:50 AM  

@9 What is a vile, faceless, minion? What do they do? What is the covenant of a VFM?
the VFM!!

Blogger AmyJ October 12, 2015 7:59 AM  

Where did I get the impression that Malwyn has more than two breasts? She looks so tame in this picture!

Blogger D. Lane (#0067) October 12, 2015 8:14 AM  

What do VFM do? We are a symphony orchestra that perform the various compositions of the Dark Lord on instruments fashioned from the remains of our adversaries.

It has been said that the lamentations of the SJWs who have graced our finger tips can be heard echoing throughout the auditorium for hours after a performance. Whether this is true is unknown to us, though. Truth is, we don't care.

Blogger Red Jack October 12, 2015 8:36 AM  

Ah, the Mistress of the Whips seems to be in a good mood today. Hopefully we will keep her well supplied with brands and Cat o Nine Tails this week. Some of the new recruits seem to need extra encouragement. #22

Blogger Subversive Saint #249 October 12, 2015 8:36 AM  

We are the fodder in the cannons of the Dark Lord.

Blogger Lulabelle October 12, 2015 8:49 AM  

"Original Hermit, you may be too smart for this ride..."

Off to the Pits of Despair with him!
How dare he show us up.

Blogger MendoScot October 12, 2015 9:28 AM  

BONES!

Blogger W.LindsayWheeler October 12, 2015 9:32 AM  

To go with the atmosphere here is two songs by a French group protesting

Replacement of Europe by Muslims

And the second:

Anti-Fascism It is a really a song against SJWism. The term "antifa" is for "anti-Fascism". Antifa attacks anybody who is "racisss". They are nothing but Marxist agitators.

Minions and want-a-be Minions should enjoy these and motivate us in the fight.

Blogger James Dixon October 12, 2015 9:36 AM  

> What do they do?

What the Dark Lord commands, obviously. This isn't rocket science.

Blogger Keith Glass October 12, 2015 9:36 AM  

453 you say ? My old football number was 53, and I learned Electronic Warfare in the 453rd FTS. . . . Karma, methinks, if the number is still open. . .

Blogger maniacprovost October 12, 2015 9:39 AM  

Where are the other four?

Blogger W.LindsayWheeler October 12, 2015 10:20 AM  

Ohh, Now a special song for all Minions and the Supreme Evil Dark Lord of Evil, a Wheeler special, from the French group, Les Brigandes:

The Jacobin Club

Blogger Dave October 12, 2015 10:31 AM  

The facial expressions in these cartoon characters is astounding; even the eyeballs without faces behind the bars are all displaying an expression.

So who is the sack of bones hanging on the wall?

Blogger Super Snake (VFM #239) October 12, 2015 10:35 AM  

If we are talking about theme songs for the VFM, I would recommend this

OpenID Jack Amok October 12, 2015 10:42 AM  

What do they do?

What the Dark Lord commands, obviously. This isn't rocket science.


Ken Burnside isn't a VFM yet?

Blogger Hammerli280 October 12, 2015 10:44 AM  

I presume that the new VFMs will be buying a round for the veterans. :-)

Oh, VFM #315 likes Speyside single-malt with SJW's blood.

Blogger W.LindsayWheeler October 12, 2015 10:47 AM  

I like Globus.

I think the Supreme Evil Dark Lord of Evil consider the French Group Les Brigandes as the musical group in collaboration with the art group that he is portraying. Here is another fantastic song that brings it all together

Joan of Arc

Very French music, medieval. Charles Martel is mentioned.

It is a call to arms.

Blogger SirHamster October 12, 2015 11:33 AM  

So that's what Malywnn looks like!

Hard to get a good look during initiation and training, what with the terror and whipping.

Blogger Dystopic October 12, 2015 11:35 AM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Donn #0114 October 12, 2015 11:40 AM  

Amy, It is long established rumor amongst the VFM that she has six breasts. I don't know why they torment us with this two breasted figure. Perhaps she has three nipples per breast. That would be acceptable. By no means as cool but I could live with that.

Blogger Doom October 12, 2015 11:47 AM  

Not my gig. But if it were, it would be 777.

Blogger bob k. mando October 12, 2015 12:17 PM  

why do i get the idear that there may be an inspiration for this version of Malwyn?

https://duckduckgo.com/?t=palemoon&q=elvira&iax=1&ia=images

Blogger Joeplanet October 12, 2015 12:18 PM  

Looking at the brand from this perspective, the numbers would be backwards, no?

Blogger Dave October 12, 2015 12:31 PM  

Not very Original , Joeplanet

Blogger Rusty Fife October 12, 2015 12:52 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger maniacprovost October 12, 2015 1:21 PM  

I wanted, once, to draw Malwyn as she appears in my fevered nightmares, with wings and ram's horns like a D&D succubus, dressed in leather and wielding a cat-o-nine-tails like Quentin Tarantino's cinematic interpretation of Dungeon Keeper, covered with teats like a bobcat. Then I realized I can't draw that well.

Blogger frigger611 October 12, 2015 1:48 PM  

OK, can I jump right to #999 then? That means that brand she's holding was made just for me...

Blogger frigger611 October 12, 2015 1:48 PM  

OK, can I jump right to #999 then? That means that brand she's holding was made just for me...

Blogger Forrest Bishop October 12, 2015 1:54 PM  

@32. Joeplanet

Looking at the brand from this perspective, the numbers would be backwards,

No. You may not gaze directly upon a VFM, you have to use a mirror lest you be turned to stone.

Blogger VFM 188 October 12, 2015 2:31 PM  

Looking at the brand from this perspective, the numbers would be backwards.

Really? Well guess what: They don't care.

Blogger Dystopic October 12, 2015 3:00 PM  

Really? Well guess what: They don't care.

I mean, that's our motto and everything. Should be obvious.

Blogger SirHamster October 12, 2015 4:05 PM  

Finally noticed the eyeballs behind Malwynn. Are those VFMs in a cage, or SJWs? The angry eyebrows suggest VFM, but the hands on the cage bar look entirely human.

Was expecting more fur and claws and unspeakable appendages.

Blogger clk October 12, 2015 5:01 PM  

This all seems vaguely familiar ... where have I read about this ? .... oh yeah ...

"And he causes all, the small and the great, and the rich and the poor, and the free men and the slaves, to be given a mark on their right hand or on their forehead, and he provides that no one will be able to buy or to sell, except the one who has the mark, either the name of the beast or the number of his name.…"


Blogger Carl Philipp October 12, 2015 5:25 PM  

The number is "backwards" because it's for the VFMs to gaze fondly at in the mirror. That's what a VFM does all day, right?

Blogger Nate October 12, 2015 6:46 PM  

seeing this cartoon makes John Scalzi want to be a minion... but he's imagining Malwyn with a big black strap on.

Blogger Tom Kratman October 12, 2015 7:16 PM  

Actually, I think you should quote Garibaldi for this:

"I offer neither pay, nor quarters, nor food; I offer only hunger, thirst, forced marches, battles and death. Let him who loves his country with his heart, and not merely with his lips, follow me."

Blogger James Dixon October 12, 2015 7:20 PM  

> Where are the other four?

They are not to be seen by those not yet deemed worthy.

> If we are talking about theme songs for the VFM

I'm partial to ELO's "Fire on High".

> seeing this cartoon makes John Scalzi want to be a minion... but he's imagining Malwyn with a big black strap on.

After which he has to go ask his wife to punish him for his unfaithfulness.

> Ken Burnside isn't a VFM yet?

Blogger Nate October 12, 2015 7:35 PM  

ya know what we really need?

We need the women's auxiliary of the VFM...

The Daughters of Darkness


I can't be the only one with a Halestorm problem...

Blogger Nate October 12, 2015 7:40 PM  

"I offer neither pay, nor quarters, nor food; I offer only hunger, thirst, forced marches, battles and death. Let him who loves his country with his heart, and not merely with his lips, follow me."

not gonna lie... don't love my country that much.

Then again... I have no idea where my country is. It disappeared sometime between 1988 and 1994... hasn't been seen since.

Fuck it... we can build another one...

Blogger James Dixon October 12, 2015 9:34 PM  

> Then again... I have no idea where my country is. It disappeared sometime between 1988 and 1994... hasn't been seen since.

Sounds about right. I think we can pinpoint the date more exactly though. Say June 14, 1990, for example:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan_Dept._of_State_Police_v._Sitz

Blogger automatthew October 12, 2015 10:24 PM  

We need the women's auxiliary of the VFM...

Vivacious Feminine Matrons

OpenID Jack Amok October 12, 2015 10:25 PM  

We need the women's auxiliary of the VFM...

The Daughters of Darkness


With Malwyn-approved uniforms.

Blogger The Monarche October 13, 2015 12:08 PM  

The best part about Vox is that he is the real-life embodiment of the The Monarch from The Venture Brothers television show. Trust fund baby with a one-sided feud against a slightly less hackish figure in his industry, check, masculine female love interest, check, small horde of pathetic losers who go by a minion number as a way of groveling, check. All you need is a goofy costume VD, you could take this whole supervillain thing to the next level.

Blogger VFM 188 October 13, 2015 12:12 PM  

Small horde of pathetic losers who go by a minion number as a way of groveling, check.

It's twue, it's twue! I am pathetic. I am loser. I go by minion number. I grovel to the dark overlord of darkness and his mistress Malwyn!

Guess what, asshole? We don't care.

Blogger VFM 188 October 13, 2015 12:14 PM  

Uh oh.... I responded to troll without thinking. Oh crap...here comes Malwyn! RUN!

Blogger Markku October 13, 2015 12:22 PM  

Are those VFMs in a cage, or SJWs?

VFMs not currently on a mission, obviously.

Blogger Markku October 13, 2015 12:25 PM  

It's a visual pun. They are FACELESS minions, so only eyeballs are shown.

Blogger VFM 188 October 13, 2015 12:31 PM  

/facepalm (for real).

Of course! Thank you Markku.

Blogger Harry Spitz October 13, 2015 8:08 PM  

So, I'd like to join the VFM. Where is the signup sheet?

Blogger Rusty Fife October 13, 2015 9:08 PM  

@58 Harry Spitz,

Supposedly, you send an email to voxday at Gmail dot com with MINION in the subject line.

Tell me how it works out for you.

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