Thursday, November 26, 2015

Thanksgiving with SJWs

Megan Fox has a Thanksgiving survival guide for those who find themselves forced to eat with SJWs.
Have a Designated Safe Space Ready

If your regressive, overeducated college-aged nephew (who thinks socialism is a new idea) shows up in his glitter beard and neck scarf, and suddenly starts waxing ineloquently about racial discrimination on his campus, immediately show him to the "safe space" you have created just for him in the extra bedroom upstairs, far away from the rest of the family. Make sure to outfit the room with boxes of Kleenex for his tears, some footie pajamas, an Ani DiFranco CD, and some adult coloring books and crayons. Inform him that the family will be ready to receive him back into the slightly less safe space of conversation when he pulls it together.

Emergency Vegan Meal

If your Aunt Miranda complains about animal cruelty and starts to try to convert you to veganism, grab the Morningstar frozen dinner you have stashed away for just this moment and throw it in the microwave. Serve it to her in the plastic tray. Don't allow her to go near the homemade stuffing (it has chicken broth in it!) or the handmade pies (those migrant workers who picked those apples were poorly treated!) and slap her hand when she goes for Gramma's awesome cheeseball (dairy cows are people too!). Make sure everyone knows that Aunt Miranda can't possibly touch anything other than her frozen vegan tofurkey because nothing else in the house is "fair-trade" or "cruelty-free." No one would want to force Aunt Miranda to compromise her values.
You might also want to keep a copy of SJWs Always Lie at hand. Just open it when they are talking and occasionally nod and say "check" as they are rambling on about the moral imperative of housing Syrian refugees or how global warming caused the third great wave of Islamic expansion.



Blogger daddynichol November 26, 2015 8:20 AM  

To Vox and family, and all the Dread Ilk, Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

Blogger Were-Puppy November 26, 2015 8:42 AM  

Great post, Happy Thanksgiving

Blogger The Other Robot November 26, 2015 8:48 AM  

The Dutch know how to give thanks for refugees.

Anonymous A Visitor November 26, 2015 8:54 AM  

Make sure the designated safe space is in a bedroom far away from everyone else?

Check. The one I have in mind has an AK-47 even!

I love Fox's telling off of anything edible for the vegan inclined. I'll make it easier on'em: one of my years in grad school I stayed in town instead of going home for dinner. I ate dinner with one of my professors who did 30 years in CIA. Yeah, I already knew how good we have it here...after eating dinner with him, yeah, so thankful!

Redistribution of food? LOL.

Bill'em? Haha.

Practicing gun control? Hell, where I always am for Thanksgiving is just far away enough from society that we can discharge firearms.

I'm surprised Megan Fox came up with this list. Maybe that night with General Aladeen changed her for the better (NSFW). Heh.

Blogger Horn of the Mark November 26, 2015 8:55 AM  

Checking... Okay, so not THAT Megan Fox. That'd be a helluva thing. Still a good article.

Anonymous Anonymous Something November 26, 2015 8:56 AM  

If your Aunt Miranda complains about animal cruelty and starts to try to convert you to veganism, grab the Morningstar frozen dinner you have stashed away for just this moment and throw it in the microwave.

I always wondered--does Morningstar serve seitan?

Blogger The Other Robot November 26, 2015 8:58 AM  

The Dutch know how to give thanks for refugees.

Blogger Raziel Walker November 26, 2015 9:01 AM  

Not every vegan is environmentally conscious but don't you think they might object to a plastic tray? A wooden or cardboard tray might be more considerate :)
Hmm tray made from dead decomposed animals, or a tray made from dead plants.

Blogger Dave November 26, 2015 9:14 AM  

Checking... Okay, so not THAT Megan Fox.

Um yeah, not the version that first popped up in my mind. Too bad she would've been a great counter to Jennifer Lawrence.

Blogger Jakeithus November 26, 2015 9:22 AM  

All I could take from the article is that the best stuffing has sausage in it, so obviously it will be off limits for any resident family vegans. And on that note I'm thankful for a fantastic German Grandma who knows how to cook and puts sausage in her stuffing.

Blogger Alexander November 26, 2015 9:46 AM  

A happy thanksgiving to ilk, dread ilk, and VFM. Blessings to you and yours.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau November 26, 2015 9:53 AM  

Happy Thanksgiving!! Also known as the start of Quail Season in Mississippi.

Anonymous bw November 26, 2015 10:27 AM  

Enjoy the Thanksgiving dinner prayers and traditions

*Hair Trigger warning for pious Churchians

Blogger TheRedSkull November 26, 2015 10:35 AM  

Ironic that Thanksgiving celebrates the religious liberty of the Pilgrims, who founded a nation that a scant 250 years later would become the footstool of the Antichrist's one-world government, religion and economy.

The only way the US can top the last Great Depression is to go cashless with the Mark of the Beast.

Babylon sits on many waters.

Anonymous kfg November 26, 2015 10:42 AM  

@The Red Skull:

Virginia might beg to disagree with your Massachusetts propaganda, not that it doesn't end up in the same place anyway.

Blogger Badmojo November 26, 2015 10:50 AM  

On the "check" front, I've started congratulating SJWs and their useful idiots whenever they do one of the things with a "well done!"

Also, I've had fun with things like:

You just equated blowing someone a kiss with rape. I can't believe you're trivializing physical and emotional trauma. I had a higher opinion of you.

They just sputter and go on the defensive about "that's not what I meant!"

Blogger Badmojo November 26, 2015 10:52 AM  

And I follow the improv comedy rule of "yes, and.." to lead them down the path they're proposing. Before the realize it, they're defending pedophilia in front of everyone else.

My goal is not to convert the SJWs but to give them a light push into their own absurdity and let all the "unconverted middle" see what they really stand for.

Blogger JWM November 26, 2015 10:53 AM  

Luckily I'll be in the kitchen all day so I avoid most of the inevitable conversations. For the ones I can't avoid, Step 1) Follow comment with non sequitur: "I hear they're making a new Godzilla movie!" If that fails I proceed to Step 2) Smack 'em with a drumstick.
Stay grateful.

JWM (VFM#404)

Blogger FP November 26, 2015 11:09 AM  

Glitter beards. One trend I did not need to know about.

"Festive cheer: Brian and Jonathan from Portland Oregon, known collectively online as TheGayBeards, have embraced the shimmering beard trend by smothering their fluffy chins with glitter"

The very definition of Keeping Portland Weird.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Blogger tweell November 26, 2015 11:21 AM  

Turkey is in the oven, yams are cooked, the dreaded green bean casserole is ready to go in, pies have been baked and are cooling. Family will be over soon. Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous Viidad November 26, 2015 11:43 AM  

Thus far my pro-Russian statements and desire to see Constantinople freed of the Turk have been met with incredulity. Will keep pushing. Must drive back the Saracen.

Blogger TheRedSkull November 26, 2015 11:48 AM  

@14 Show the Turkey no quarter, but skip the Roast Beast.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau November 26, 2015 11:59 AM  

Eat Ham for Thanksgiving. Turkey is Islamist.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau November 26, 2015 12:00 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Bard November 26, 2015 12:09 PM  

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, the best people I have never met!

Blogger TheRedSkull November 26, 2015 12:34 PM  

We're Russian through our Turkey,
Putin pumpkin in our pie
Eating heaps of ham haram,
and Sukhoi spamming Turcoman.

Muslim pilots need surprise:
Slavic carving clears the skies.
Orthodox will preach Crusade
Till cranberry the betrayed.

Blogger Darth Toolpodicus (#144) November 26, 2015 12:38 PM  

Amen! There are NO SJWs in the immediate family and only one in the entire first cousin consanguinity ring of 50+ people. And that psychology undergrad will not be dining with us.

Happy Thanksgiving to All of the Ilk, may God Bless you and your families.

Anonymous Eduardo the Magnificent November 26, 2015 12:43 PM  


Yep, just like if a D-lineman is barreling at you. You can try to stand him up, or use his momentum and gently push him out of the way. Whatever gets the job done. Just like the lineman, they won't see it until it's over. I'll have to try it out on one.

Happy turkey and foosball (but hopefully not shopping) day to everyone.

Anonymous Alsos November 26, 2015 1:10 PM  

I've really enjoyed how much more rapidly and effectively these silly lefty propaganda things are being turned into jokes and parodies by the right. It's heartening that the first I even heard of the silly "badger your relatives about [x] at dinner" stuff from the left this year was in the context of the dozen-and-counting parodies of it from the right, and that many of the parodies (like the one Vox links above) are actually well done - funny, with a bite.

The right finally "getting it" in this way is something to be thankful for.

Blogger James Higham November 26, 2015 1:10 PM  

You have a good one,Vox.

Blogger haus frau November 26, 2015 1:17 PM  

Gotta love vegans. In a previous lifetime they would have been Bible thumping tea totalers.

Blogger Tom Kratman November 26, 2015 1:33 PM  

Since '08, for Grace puproses, I haven't been able to get beyond, "My Lord, My God, why have you forsaken us?" This was what I used from 04-07. It may remind folks of happier days.


Though I am not a deeply religious sort it seems to me that this November we

simply have so much more to be thankful for than usual…

Dear Lord, we thank you for the election. We thank you that that arrogant,

orange-faced, wind-surfing buffoon will not be getting into the White House any

time soon. We thank you, O’ Lord – sincerely and humbly, that Tom Daschle will

soon be standing in the unemployment line.

We thank you, Lord, for showing the RIF in Fallujah whose side you are really


And Lord, we thank you for the little things, too: Ted Rall being fired by the

Washington Post, Dan Rather being eased out the door by CBS. Even in your most

trivial acts Lord – the Kerry supporter who removed himself from the gene-pool

at Ground Zero, the nuclear protester in Belgium who has now learned not to

argue with a moving freight train – your bounty showers down upon us.

We could, in our ingratitude, ask for more, Lord: Bin Ladin’s and Zarqawi’s

heads on platters, that the four most left leaning members of the Supreme Court

go down in a fiery plane crash, that New England sink into the sea…but that

would be presumptuous of us.

And besides, that’s what Christmas is for.


OpenID sigbouncer November 26, 2015 1:51 PM  

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless.

Blogger Rusty Fife November 26, 2015 2:03 PM  

This is my favorite; short, sweet, and doesn't make the un-churched too jumpy:

To paraphrase a great Puritan prayer: "God, you've given me so many things. Give me one more thing---a grateful heart."

Blogger ncartist November 26, 2015 3:00 PM  

@ 31. Tom Kratman

Why did we forsake the Lord for vanity: for idols and vain creeds?

Blogger TheRedSkull November 26, 2015 4:16 PM  

@31 The Force is strong in this one.

Blogger Mad Dok Rob November 26, 2015 4:53 PM  

Happy Thanksgiving and may God bless you all.

Anonymous Reader November 26, 2015 5:52 PM  

Thanks Vox, for VP.

If there was one, I'll vote VP for the best blog on the planet, (eventhough once in a while, your posts gave me the ugh moments.

Also, thanks to the commenters and even the trolls, for the added insight and entertainment.

Incredible dog story.

OpenID tz November 26, 2015 6:22 PM  

I didn't use any animals, so you should be able to enjoy the meal. I stopped by the Planned Parenthood clinic earlier today. Do you like the soup Clarice?
No, that's my gun vault, I was cleaning it and I don't seem to remember the combination, but you should be safe inside.
Have some more mushrooms I just picked them nearby - and some vegetables, I'm sure I pressure cooked them at a sufficient temperature to kill botulism. Isn't F and C the same?

Anonymous kfg November 26, 2015 6:45 PM  

"In a previous lifetime they would have been Bible thumping tea totalers. "

In a previous lifetime they were, lead by Sister White and her doctor John Harvey Kellogg.

Remember to eat your fiber to kill your icky testosterone.

Blogger TheRedSkull November 26, 2015 6:53 PM  

The Lord's Coming is coming, in kilotons and flash burns. Can't miss it; it's the last thing you'll see.

Lie down with Pharisees and get up with fleas. Better a crust of bread in quiet than a sumptuous supper with serpents diseased.

Silence is sweeter than all honeyed lies
Maggots on lips do not appetize.
Better to listen to gnashing of teeth
Than the false idols of pagan belief.

Who is my brother, my father, my son?
He who follows the Words of the One.

Blogger Tom Kratman November 26, 2015 10:29 PM  

NC: The Enlightenment. It all became inevitable with the Enlightenment.

Blogger Desiderius November 26, 2015 10:48 PM  

Tom Kratman,

"NC: The Enlightenment. It all became inevitable with the Enlightenment."

Some useful background:

Remarkable how far liberal thought (sic) has fallen from Berlin.

Blogger Jeffrey Quick November 27, 2015 8:16 PM  

"or the handmade pies” That one’s easy: use lard. Tell them after the plates are cleared.

Post a Comment

Rules of the blog
Please do not comment as "Anonymous". Comments by "Anonymous" will be spammed.

<< Home

Newer Posts Older Posts