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Friday, November 04, 2016

Cthulhu fhtagn

And you thought the obscene revelations about Hillary's inner circle were bad news:
Canada's military is investigating a mysterious "pinging" that is emanating from the sea floor in the Arctic. The sound, which has also been described as a "hum" or a "beep", has apparently spooked the local wildlife in the Fury and Hecla Strait.

Paul Quassa, a member of the legislative assembly, said the noise was "emanating from the sea floor. That's one of the major hunting areas in the summer and winter ... And this time around, this summer, there were hardly any. And this became a suspicious thing."

The military said it was investigating what was causing the sound.
That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.

At least everyone whose conscience prevented them from voting for the lesser evil will rest easy now.

Labels:

76 Comments:

Blogger RobertDWood November 04, 2016 1:04 PM  

Blame the Russians?

Anonymous WinstonWebb November 04, 2016 1:04 PM  

Amelia Earhart's transponder.

Blogger g wood November 04, 2016 1:11 PM  

Great Cthulhu has promised that those who vote for him will be eaten last. Which is a better deal than you'll get from the other two parties.

Blogger Fenris Wulf November 04, 2016 1:12 PM  

I think you have that backwards ...
http://foo.ca/wp/chick-tract-satire/who-will-be-eaten-first/

Blogger Daetrin November 04, 2016 1:13 PM  

Wonder if it's related to The Bloop.

Anonymous Brick Hardslab November 04, 2016 1:14 PM  

It's the Atlantean navigational buoy to guide ships along the NW passage. Remarkable that it started working again.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 1:17 PM  

They finally found the Red October?

Anonymous Brick Hardslab November 04, 2016 1:18 PM  

@Fenris
Did you see that Chick has died? They made Dark Dungeons into a movie and mostly played it straight. It was like watching what the Tom Hanks movie should have been.

Of course, I am talking about The da Vinci Code.

Blogger Stilicho November 04, 2016 1:19 PM  

Hillary has summoned Cthulhu to extract her from her current predicament. I wonder if she specified the nature of the extraction? Else it might occur spleen first.

Blogger Aeoli Pera November 04, 2016 1:20 PM  

That's the underwater base where Trump, Putin, and the ghost of Hitler scheme to undermine American democracy.

Blogger buwaya November 04, 2016 1:21 PM  

Its all about the World Fantasy Awards getting rid of the Lovecraft bust. I was waiting for the inevitable consequences of that bit of insanity.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 1:25 PM  

Mating call of the Greater Ichthyosaur.

Don't answer!

Blogger Dexter November 04, 2016 1:28 PM  

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/014/913/ac7.jpg

#NoLivesMatter

Anonymous Fisher November 04, 2016 1:28 PM  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VPgzqm5dOQ

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 1:30 PM  

"The military said it was investigating what was causing the sound."

It's a Yautja training ship. Turn back now, you aren't armed enough for this kind of conflict.

Anonymous Überpsychedelic Cat Hair November 04, 2016 1:42 PM  

"They finally found the Red October?"

@6 Some things in here don't react well to bullets.

Anonymous Elipe November 04, 2016 1:44 PM  

It's like they've never seen the movies. Every time, every damn time, the cultists summoning a demon end up being killed by the demon.

Or even play D&D, where you're gonna need some really strong circles of protection... and even then, these are temporary.

This is why I chose the Paladin class, and it's not just for laying on hands once every day.

Anonymous Slammer64 November 04, 2016 1:45 PM  

Not Cthulhu, it's too far morth, must be Ithaqua or Hastur.

Anonymous FitzRobert November 04, 2016 1:45 PM  

The woodpecker-riding weasel was the harbinger.

Blogger Thucydides November 04, 2016 1:47 PM  

The non-occult and most plausible answer is it is some sort of sonar transponder, and given recent events, most likely Russian.

The Canadian military, underfunded for many decades now, really have very limited ability to patrol and secure the high arctic and the territorial waters, so virtually anyone with the ability to move and work in the Arctic could be doing all kinds of stuff and it would be like the WWII German weather station discovered in Labrador back in the 1990's, we'd only know about it by accident.

Russia has aggressively moved to claim the mineral and oil wealth thought to be under the Arctic Ocean, and has moved lots of men and equipment to their side of the Arctic to secure their claims. Russian submarines carefully mapping all of the Arctic Ocean is a means to forestall other nations from being able to transit the Arctic should Russia decide to limit or close access for any reason whatsoever.

Blogger Boko Harambe November 04, 2016 1:50 PM  

@19 yeah, but it's more fun to imagine slavering beasts rising from the deep to devour Hillary &co.

Live a little.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 1:56 PM  

Thudcydides @19: "The non-occult and most plausible answer is it is some sort of sonar transponder, and given recent events, most likely Russian."

Yeah, but where's the fun in that?

It's alien invaders! Bring out the battleships!

Blogger Ingot9455 November 04, 2016 1:58 PM  

So that satellite we sent out to touch the comet wasn't sent there to take samples. It was sent to place the Elder Sign on the SMOD.

At the last minute, we dodge aside and let the SMOD hit Cthulhu, Elder sign first. And devil take the hindmost.

Blogger Bibliotheca Servare November 04, 2016 1:59 PM  

Somebody better tell Louise Mensch! She'll be delighted to know her insanity was justified! (I swear, how I ever thought that chick was anything other than batshit insane I'll never know. Wow.)

Blogger Jabari November 04, 2016 1:59 PM  

Mating call of the Greater Ichthyosaur.

Oh jeez there are Greater ones? Dr. Freeman had a bad enough time with the normal ones...

Blogger Anthony Spaltro November 04, 2016 2:00 PM  

Low frequency comm signals used by US Navy to communicate with subs. Look it up.

Anonymous Dave November 04, 2016 2:06 PM  

Canada has military?

Blogger Fenris Wulf November 04, 2016 2:08 PM  

@Brick. I've seen "Mazes & Monsters." LOL. 80's bad movies were so much better than modern bad movies.

Blogger Mad Dok Rob November 04, 2016 2:12 PM  

Dave wrote:Canada has military?

Yeah, I just do not believe it. Story has to be false. Next thing you know, they will be telling us that the Canadians have a warship...like for war.

Blogger Arthur Isaac November 04, 2016 2:14 PM  

The Abyss getting ready to receive it's own?

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 2:15 PM  

Dave @26: "Canada has military?"

Oh, yah. Dey even got dem dere snipers, eh?

Blogger pyrrhus November 04, 2016 2:17 PM  

Uh Oh, sounds like alien machines from 'The Forge of God'....

Anonymous Galactic Starfleets of Deplorable Spartacus November 04, 2016 2:19 PM  

Mad Dok Rob wrote:Yeah, I just do not believe it. Story has to be false.

Wrong. Story is true: "...spooked the local wildlife in the Fury and Hecla Strait." What more proof do you need?

Blogger buwaya November 04, 2016 2:22 PM  

Canada has a military.
We had a Frigate (HMCS Calgary) here at San Francisco last month, which we toured, and one of their F-18's at the airshow.

Their Navy grey is rather light-greenish vs the USN grey FYI.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 04, 2016 2:26 PM  

"The sound, which has also been described as a "hum""

Something down there sliced off the protective shielding on the comm cable that feeds the North Pole Hotline.

Santa's gonna be pissssssssssed.....

Blogger Salt November 04, 2016 2:31 PM  

OT -

Rolling Stone Magazine found guilty of U-Va rape fabrication.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/jury-finds-reporter-rolling-stone-responsible-for-defaming-u-va-dean-with-gang-rape-story/2016/11/04/aaf407fa-a1e8-11e6-a44d-cc2898cfab06_story.html

Blogger Benjamin Kraft November 04, 2016 2:34 PM  

< Recently a Sub Sonarman. That sounds like an active sonar array on the ocean floor. That'd be a new one on me, but it would also seem to indicate that Russia is getting the hots for either Canada or Alaska, or maybe they think we're getting the hots for those lovely northern waters.

Anonymous Ironsides November 04, 2016 2:36 PM  

Elder evils are a much more interesting explanation than the probable actuality of lurking Rooskies. And those bleak northern latitudes seem apt for it -- those Canadians had best be careful lest they stumble upon one of the routes leading to the Plateau of Leng.

Blogger owlish November 04, 2016 2:37 PM  

Lots of people have been very, very naughty this year.

Blogger Elocutioner November 04, 2016 2:39 PM  

Dammit. Now I have to revamp my Sweet Meteor Of Death 2016 shrine with only three days left and it's not clear exactly who I should be worshipping. How close was that to the Fukushima site?

Blogger Benjamin Kraft November 04, 2016 2:42 PM  

@10. They flipping what. Unforgivable. I'm sssure the Eldersss, the Eldritch Abominationssss and the Outssssidersssss will agree with me..... Ssssscertainly.

Blogger David The Good November 04, 2016 2:44 PM  

Mother of Bahfeemus!

Blogger lowercaseb November 04, 2016 2:49 PM  

Mad Dok Rob wrote:Dave wrote:Canada has military?

Yeah, I just do not believe it. Story has to be false. Next thing you know, they will be telling us that the Canadians have a warship...like for war.


Oh...the memories!

http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml

Blogger Nick S November 04, 2016 2:49 PM  

We should send Steven Crowder, Stefan Molyneux and Gavin McInnes with a camera crew to check it out. I doubt they would solve the mystery, but wacky Canucks are entertaining, eh?

Blogger Snidely Whiplash November 04, 2016 2:55 PM  

Nick S wrote:I doubt they would solve the mystery, but wacky Canucks are entertaining, eh?
The thing with Canucks is, they're stabby. At least the French-speaking ones. Really really stabby.
Stabbitty stabbitty stab stab stab.

Blogger lowercaseb November 04, 2016 3:00 PM  

So it turns out that Spirit Cooking doesn't involve collard greens and oxtail, but instead involves "The Black Goat with a Thousand Young."

So...is that a Pakistani dish with one of those badly translated names? Kinda like the Chinese Lucky Pork Congee with Thousand Year Egg?

If so, I'd love to try some of that Iä Fhtagn Masala...or is it more of a vindaloo?

Blogger The Rev November 04, 2016 3:08 PM  

@42 Does Canada know?

Anonymous Garrulus November 04, 2016 3:18 PM  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG_LR2TcOXM Nice midtempo cthulu rock

Blogger Chris McCullough November 04, 2016 3:46 PM  

Maybe it's just Godzilla location scouting for his next movie.

Anonymous Ironsides November 04, 2016 3:54 PM  

lowercaseb wrote:So it turns out that Spirit Cooking doesn't involve collard greens and oxtail, but instead involves "The Black Goat with a Thousand Young."

So...is that a Pakistani dish with one of those badly translated names? Kinda like the Chinese Lucky Pork Congee with Thousand Year Egg?

If so, I'd love to try some of that Iä Fhtagn Masala...or is it more of a vindaloo?


These dishes are traditionally served with assorted light compositions of Eric Zann as accompaniment, right?

Blogger Thucydides November 04, 2016 4:25 PM  

Yeah, poking the Elder Gods with a stick is a much more fun explanation than some sort of sonar transponder for sure, but it also is a cautionary tale about Liberalism in other lands.

Canada has a long and proud military heritage, but previous Liberal Governments (starting as far back as 1968 with then Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau) have relentlessly gutted our military forces and the ability of Canada to defend itself as a sovereign nation (sound familiar?). We actually saw some respite in the period between 2006 and 2015, when Prim Minister Harper led a Conservative government, and Canadian Forces (including me) were in action in Afghanistan and Canadians had some ability to patrol the North. Canada also has a contingent fighting ISIS.

Sadly, we also follow our American cousins in not only letting Liberals into government, but even electing dynasties, since Trudeau's son is now Prime Minister.

Since then, Canada's deep water arctic port has been abandoned, Canada was uninvited from attending meetings with coalition partners who make "significant" contributions to the fight against ISIS (oddly, just after the new Liberal government announced they would withdraw the air contingent of CF-18's from the anti ISIS coalition), and the Forces have been forced to start contingency planning for "Peacekeeping" missions in Africa, despite having no actual rational for putting my fellow soldiers in harm's way over there.

Oh, yes, and Social Justice convergence has overtaken our Armed Forces, all leadership candidates at EVERY level (from section commander i.e. squad leader to General Officer) is mandated to take "Gender Based Analysis Plus" training.

Fighting the Elder Gods might actually be a relief in this environment

Blogger YIH November 04, 2016 4:25 PM  

Looks like he's going to show up for this one:
https://cthulhuforamerica.com/

Anonymous BGKB November 04, 2016 4:26 PM  

So it turns out that Spirit Cooking doesn't involve collard greens and oxtail, but instead involves "The Black Goat with a Thousand Young."

(((Conisewer))) of 3yo pizza calls for death of all white men.

http://heatst.com/culture-wars/lena-dunham-wants-to-improve-men-by-making-white-straight-men-extinct/?mod=sm_fb_pos

Blogger Lovekraft November 04, 2016 4:50 PM  

Cthulu emerged in the Tsunami of 2004 to clean the coast for his deep ones.

This ping is probably ... the Russians.

Blogger RobertDWood November 04, 2016 4:58 PM  

Ok, thats funny.

Blogger L. Beau November 04, 2016 5:53 PM  

So you think that The Dunham Horror is a follower of Shub-Niggurath? My money is still on C'thulhu. after all, Lena could very easily be human-deep one hybrid:
http://img07.deviantart.net/1963/i/2013/051/7/7/deep_one_hybrid_skull_evolution_ii__with_outlines__by_vonmeer-d5vnle3.png

Blogger Longstreet November 04, 2016 5:58 PM  

Yikes. Where exactly did Farragut dump Halleck's little Esquimax statue?

Anonymous Northern Observer November 04, 2016 6:23 PM  

"At least everyone whose conscience prevented them from voting for the lesser evil will rest easy now."

https://voxday.blogspot.com/2004/03/war-and-not-war.html

https://voxday.blogspot.com/2004/07/someone-skipped-logic-class.html?m=1

I'm not optimistic, but I really do hope that Trump wins.

That being said, I do remember a time here when libertarian wasn't a dirty word and supporting 'lesser evil' was not looked upon very well.

Blogger Basil Makedon November 04, 2016 7:02 PM  

Cthulhu 2016 -- Because No Lives Matter!

Anonymous yukonyon November 04, 2016 7:59 PM  

Hollow Earth dwellers

Blogger Balázs Varga November 04, 2016 8:01 PM  

IA! IA! Send for our ambassador of the Great One, Eric Cartman! Coon and friends is back in business.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Blogger M Cephas November 04, 2016 8:07 PM  

@57.

Libertarian perfectionism is absolutely useless in achieving good ends. If you can bring about a greater good, or at the very least limit the damage done, how on earth can you consider yourself moral for sitting this one out.

It's nothing but pseudo-moral posturing.

Blogger Were-Puppy November 04, 2016 8:18 PM  

I think it's a warning timer to alert the Reptillian Hordes that Queen Canklepants is in dire straits, and to prepare for the scaly invasion

Anonymous Hezekiah Garrett November 04, 2016 8:55 PM  

@57 That was then.

Blogger Cetera November 04, 2016 9:09 PM  

Breitbart now has a story up with NYPD sources confirming what was in the 650k emails, including that Hillary went to pedo island with Epstein:
http://www.breitbart.com/radio/2016/11/04/erik-prince-nypd-ready-make-arrests-weiner-case/

“They found State Department emails. They found a lot of other really damning criminal information, including money laundering, including the fact that Hillary went to this sex island with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Bill Clinton went there more than 20 times. Hillary Clinton went there at least six times,” he said.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash November 04, 2016 9:17 PM  

Northern Observer wrote:That being said, I do remember a time here when libertarian wasn't a dirty word and supporting 'lesser evil' was not looked upon very well.
Libertarianism was a reasonable response to the anti-freedom agenda of the 1960s and 1970s.
Now that the issues have shifted, and Libertarians have been outed as useless moral preeners and perfectly willing to use the State to enforce their moral views on the world, nobody views it as intellectually serious or morally coherent. The Libertarian Movement has become a refuge for dopeheads, Atheists who can see the intellectual vacuity of Leftism, and autists.

Libertarianism is the sort of a philosophy only a childliess mid-wit could embrace.

Blogger Scott Birch November 04, 2016 10:27 PM  

Well, Kek's avatar is, after all, aquatic ..

Anonymous Jack Amok November 04, 2016 10:37 PM  

Godzilla/Rodan 2016

Anonymous Jack Amok November 04, 2016 10:39 PM  

The Libertarian Movement has become a refuge for dopeheads...

Some people want to legalize dope because they're libertarians, and some people are Libertarians because they want to legalize dope. The first kind are voting Trump. The second kind are... probably too stoned to vote.

Anonymous TheVillageIdiot Ret. November 04, 2016 11:29 PM  

Basil Makedon wrote:Cthulhu 2016 -- Because No Lives Matter!
HOLY CALAMARI Batman
No Robin
Unholy Calamari

DannyR

Blogger Cindy Sheppard November 05, 2016 12:09 AM  

It's Prince Namor ....and he's pissed

Blogger Snidely Whiplash November 05, 2016 1:02 AM  

Cindy Sheppard wrote:It's Prince Namor ....and he's pissed


AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ...........no-one cares

Blogger mobius wolf November 05, 2016 2:13 AM  

Anti-hunting activists.

Anonymous Sagramore November 05, 2016 3:45 AM  

@65 @68 Lots of these "dope heads" are simply going around big pharma, and as for your medical opinions?

We don't care.

Blogger Jon M November 05, 2016 4:21 AM  

What makes people think this story and the Clinton revelations are two different stories. There may be a lot more causation here than correlation.

Anonymous bbeyer November 05, 2016 9:56 AM  

Thank you! I had a great laugh, as I'd thought to wonder in humor 'how long before someone brings up dread R'lyeh?'

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