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Saturday, September 02, 2017

The trials of dark-lording

Nick Flor-ProfessorF‏Verified account @ProfessorF
 The formula for success, has always been: work hard, do excellent work, respect others. Do that and you will overcome most biases.

Supreme Dark Lord‏ @voxday
I find a formula of work hard, do excellent work, behead your enemies, drink their blood, and pile their skulls in the garden works for me.

Spacebunny Day‏ @Spacebunnyday
Yeah, well, it doesn't work for me.  We have guests coming for a bbq tomorrow - go clean up the garden.

They never tell you about this sort of thing in dark lord school.

Labels:

94 Comments:

Blogger haus frau September 02, 2017 12:01 PM  

Just throw some grass clippings over it and call it a compost pile. Perfectly socially acceptable.

Blogger exfarmkid September 02, 2017 12:03 PM  

Heh. You have learned well my son.

Blogger tuberman September 02, 2017 12:05 PM  

Put the skulls on your mantles, as trophies, as a temporary solution. You can restock them in the garden after company leaves. I know, it is a lot of extra work. Sacrifices must be made!

Anonymous Johnny Mayonnaise September 02, 2017 12:05 PM  

"Behind every great man ... "

Anonymous Tipsy September 02, 2017 12:06 PM  

Just bury the skulls. Later you can brag about your skulduggery.

Blogger Ransom Smith September 02, 2017 12:07 PM  

Use the skulls as potpourri holders. Women like that kind of thing.

Blogger pyrrhus September 02, 2017 12:10 PM  

Alternatively, don't do much work, out politic your coworkers, sleep with the boss, get promoted....

Anonymous Ilk#10,191 September 02, 2017 12:13 PM  

Use the skulls to line the garden paths. Extra points if you put a candle inside each. Your guests will love the ambiance after sunset.

Blogger tuberman September 02, 2017 12:16 PM  

"Alas, Poor Yorick, you were once an Arizona Senator!"

Blogger ((( bob kek mando ))) - ( i'm sorry you raped Andrea Dworkin and i disavow your Patriarchal Cisheteronormative Bourgeois Consciousness in shame ) September 02, 2017 12:17 PM  

oh, come on.

the garden is my designated 'skull storage area'. i know right where all of them are.

this is one of those things where the chick comes in and moves everything around and then blames you because you don't know where she put everything, innit.

Anonymous David of One September 02, 2017 12:20 PM  

The garden probably needs more roses or terraced to plant more "roses" as I understand roses are happiest with bone meal ... which might be indicative that roses are a Dark Lord's and Spacebunny's friend.

Blogger Elocutioner September 02, 2017 12:32 PM  

Have you considered expanding the catacombs?

Anonymous 5343 Kinds of Deplorable September 02, 2017 12:35 PM  

Women ... always gotta have the last word.

Blogger camperbot September 02, 2017 12:41 PM  

This is crying out for a cartoon.

Anonymous Johnny Mayonnaise September 02, 2017 12:41 PM  

I imagine the Dark Lord School to be something like Hogwarts ... minus the babes and the Hufflepuffs.

Blogger Kauf Buch September 02, 2017 12:44 PM  

Skulls? The must make GREAT Ch-ch-ch-chia pets!

Anonymous White Guy September 02, 2017 12:45 PM  

How the heck to you keep the Ridgebacks from dragging the skulls back into the house???

Anonymous bw September 02, 2017 12:54 PM  

Beef? Pork?
Shapiro on a spit?

Blogger Dwight House September 02, 2017 1:01 PM  

@Vox Day
I know you're busy writing books about utterly destroying your enemies, salting their fields, and using their carcasses as trendy household decoration. Noble causes, all, to be sure. However, would you consider writing a book guide to finding a wife of Spacebunny's caliber?

Anonymous Bellator Mortalis September 02, 2017 1:14 PM  

Fire pit skulls here: https://www.amazon.com/Myard-DELUXE-Log-Fireplace-Halloween/dp/B00KBNIZDK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504372305&sr=8-1&keywords=fire+pit+skulls

Anonymous I wrote the Magna Carta September 02, 2017 1:15 PM  

"The Secret Garden" by Frances Hodgson Burnett
"The Skull Garden" by Vox Day

Blogger David September 02, 2017 1:20 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger David September 02, 2017 1:21 PM  

Behind every dark lord is an even darker lady.

Anonymous Looking Glass September 02, 2017 1:21 PM  

@1 haus frau

Vox clearly needs to actually implement David the Good's composting guides. He's pretty clear: Compost Your Enemies.

Though it's always a little surprising how much Vox has used Dungeon Keeper as a guide to life. Who knew slightly cheesy tower defense games from the 90s would be so useful?

Blogger Unknown September 02, 2017 1:21 PM  

She who must be obeyed.

My heart bleeds for you, Vox. :D

Anonymous bearspaw September 02, 2017 1:22 PM  

Now we know who wears the chain mail in the family...

Blogger JACIII September 02, 2017 1:28 PM  

Compost everything!

Blogger Matthew September 02, 2017 1:28 PM  

"Honey, could you bring the ribs? No, not those ribs!"

Anonymous Just another commenter September 02, 2017 1:29 PM  

"Oh, such a lovely garden path. So romantic, bordered with those white stones gleaming in the moonlight..."

"Those are not stones."

Blogger Nate73 September 02, 2017 1:31 PM  

Maybe a similar post to this topic on alpha game would be good. The idea that you can make six figures and still not get women is very discouraging, so it's easy to give in to despair sometimes about self-improvement. If a billion dollars can't buy love what would?

Blogger Dos Voltz September 02, 2017 1:32 PM  

Excellent post. I have enjoyed your foray into comedy. Much laughter!

Blogger Tyler Wollmann September 02, 2017 1:36 PM  

May I suggest switching to red grass to better hide the bloodstains.

https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/red-grass-in-china.2266361/

Blogger haus frau September 02, 2017 1:43 PM  

@24 indeed. Im a little aurprised at vd's reluctance to recycle his enemies as a delightfully nutrient rich garden additive. David the Good made it easy enough.
Why not turn those extra skulls into fertilizer for grape vines and enjoy those ugly common Twitter troll skulls in the form of wine served from the nicer gold enlaid skulls of higher value enemies?

Blogger Salt September 02, 2017 1:44 PM  

Just tell your guests it's a Mayan celebration.

Blogger John Williams September 02, 2017 1:50 PM  

Sacrifices must be made.
Then you have a bigger pile of skulls.

Anonymous WaterBoy September 02, 2017 1:50 PM  

"...drink their blood..."

You know that's a good way to catch a communicable blood-born disease, right?

Be careful whom you exsanguinate. Jus' sayin'.

Anonymous Brick Hardslab September 02, 2017 1:54 PM  

Never serve red wine from skulls. Guests will just assume it's blood and pass. Do Italians make decent beer? That goes with any barbeque. Do you have a workshop to whip up nice stems for the skulls? Otherwise you should stack them and cover them with a table cloth nobody will know.

Blogger Sterling Pilgrim September 02, 2017 2:01 PM  

Don't touch them. They'll be a great conversation piece, and help get a fix on the character of the "guests" you are having over. If they balk, they walk.

Blogger VD September 02, 2017 2:03 PM  

If a billion dollars can't buy love what would?

Money doesn't buy love. It buys attention.

Blogger Elocutioner September 02, 2017 2:05 PM  

"Why not turn those extra skulls into fertilizer for grape vines"

The amount of residual psychotropics would be worrisome for normal guests and must be reserved for special occasions. But it needs a name.

Blogger James Dixon September 02, 2017 2:05 PM  

> They never tell you about this sort of thing in dark lord school.

I thought that's what premarital counseling was for.

Yeah, we never did it either.

> Have you considered expanding the catacombs?

We're running out of torture rooms for the SJW's now, so that might be a good idea.

> If a billion dollars can't buy love what would?

It can't. But it can buy a very good approximation. If you don't even need a good approximation, Real Doll has models starting at $5K. If she cleaned and cooked marriage would be in real trouble.

Blogger DeploraBard September 02, 2017 2:22 PM  

There is a Dark Lord Academy?

Blogger Matthew September 02, 2017 2:22 PM  

You don't buy love. You drag it along with you in your wake.

Blogger DeploraBard September 02, 2017 2:23 PM  

David the Good has had excellent success composting skulls

Blogger LP9 September 02, 2017 2:31 PM  

Awesome SB, I serve up w/ some personalized gift bags and a delish normal meal.

Blogger LP9 September 02, 2017 2:35 PM  

if the art loves chance and chance loves art, the art of skulls is mere creativity (Masculine Sig AWCA ELord), perhaps to trigger the critics, it does not scream of torment or choas, its just a nice dinner with a lovely couple.

Blogger James Dixon September 02, 2017 2:45 PM  

> There is a Dark Lord Academy?

You don't think Dark Lords just spring fully formed from the primordial chaos do you? Of course there's long molding process.

Blogger Assyrian Nationalist September 02, 2017 2:55 PM  

"Behind every great man ... "

"...is a pile of skulls."

Blogger Flair1239 September 02, 2017 2:58 PM  

What type of "game" is that?

Blogger Bibliotheca Servare September 02, 2017 3:06 PM  

Sounds like it's time for a melon mound or two! (Trademark, David the Good, AKA The Survival Gardener)

(It's a technique for using otherwise potentially dangerous biomass as fuel for plants. Basically, as I understand it from the book, you dig a hole, 2-3 feet deep, dump in the stuff you can't safely compost [or just can't be buggered to compost] and fill the hole again. Then you plant melons, or a fruit tree, or any number of other things, on top.) A convenient way to "make your enemies work for you" even in death! :-) lol...

Blogger Jack Ward September 02, 2017 3:20 PM  

go clean up the garden.

This....this?

Yes, this. The wife MUST be listened to. And, disobey at personal risk. After all, without SB as a calming influence the Dark Lord would a rampaging monster of consummate evil. We cannot have that; of course.

Blogger Michael Maier September 02, 2017 3:33 PM  

Women ruin everything.

Blogger S1AL September 02, 2017 3:35 PM  

Followed shortly by this conversation:

"Did you clean up the skulls?"

"What skulls?"

"The. Ones. You. Just. Mentioned."

"Oh, those. I need a new set of barbells."

Anonymous Marvin Boggs September 02, 2017 3:37 PM  

All my married friends wear the pants in their respective homes. Of course, their wives tell them which pants to wear.

Happy wife, happy life.

Blogger James Dixon September 02, 2017 3:48 PM  

> Of course, their wives tell them which pants to wear.

Of course they do. Fashion sense? I've heard of it.

Anonymous EH September 02, 2017 4:01 PM  

I wonder what Martha Stewart would do with a bunch of skulls? At the risk of sacrilege, I believe one only needs so many potpourri holders. I'm thinking garlands, evenly spaced strings of skulls to adorn the loggia, but the details of design require a woman's touch.

Blogger Ken Prescott September 02, 2017 4:07 PM  

A Dark Lord's work is never done...

Anonymous Brick Hardslab September 02, 2017 4:07 PM  

You don't buy love you rent it.

Anonymous I'm Not a Fascist. But My Sons Are. September 02, 2017 4:20 PM  

Happy wife? Happy life.

And down to Earth is the best place to be.

Blogger The Scribe September 02, 2017 4:27 PM  

Do you drink the blood raw, or pasteurize it first? Asking for a friend ....

Anonymous I'm Not a Fascist. But My Sons Are. September 02, 2017 4:36 PM  

Do you drink the blood raw, or pasteurize it first?

^ Fag.

Blogger JaimeInTexas September 02, 2017 4:36 PM  

BBQ aaaaargh

Whatcha cooking?

Blogger Dave September 02, 2017 4:47 PM  

go clean up the garden

Don't you have minions for that stuff?

Blogger Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club September 02, 2017 5:21 PM  

"Do that and you will overcome most biases."

That's a rather strange predicted outcome. "Do that and you'll eventually be successful" seems a reasonable result, but "overcome most biases"? Is the aforementioned "excellent work" in some sort of mind control?

Anonymous Jessica Sandton September 02, 2017 5:56 PM  

Lol

Blogger tuberman September 02, 2017 6:17 PM  

If you stack the skulls in a pyramid, they look decorative, plus, if you keep a sword inside, the pyramid keeps it sharp.

Blogger Cataline Sergius September 02, 2017 6:22 PM  

I am a little curious as to what the casual Italian grilling cuisine is like.

I have eaten higher end grilled Italian dishes but I don't know what gets done in the backyard.

I was doing pork shoulder myself. Low and slow, bathed in Apple-wood smoke Carolina style.

I like the coastal sauce myself, which is really just apple-cider vinegar and dried peppers. It probably started life as Caribbean pickle juice.

I suspect but cannot prove that Barbecue was brought to North Carolina by pirates who were summering "up north."

Blogger Lucas September 02, 2017 7:00 PM  

LOL

Anonymous Avalanche September 02, 2017 7:03 PM  

@37 Guests will just assume it's blood and pass.

Pass or pass OUT?

Blogger Nate73 September 02, 2017 7:08 PM  

>> If a billion dollars can't buy love what would?

>It can't. But it can buy a very good approximation. If you don't even need a good approximation, Real Doll has models starting at $5K. If she cleaned and cooked marriage would be in real trouble.

Very Mgtow-like analysis. It makes sense too - for a lot of men, a sex robot would actually be an upgrade.

Blogger VD September 02, 2017 7:17 PM  

Don't you have minions for that stuff?

Of course. But someone has to tell them what to do.

Anonymous Raker Tooth September 02, 2017 7:40 PM  

The trick as a guest there is to not flinch in the least, rather, become immediately fascinated: "Oh man! would you look at that dental work! Must have been excruciating."

Anonymous Mr. Rational September 02, 2017 7:40 PM  

We got Dread Ilk and minions
Celebratin' their winnin
Millen-yalls and boomers
All sharin' the rumors
And the Dark Lord cuddles up with ridgeback dogs

Mmm mmmm mmmm I love this blog.

Blogger Daniel September 02, 2017 8:01 PM  

Lol she is a keeper

Anonymous Ivan Throne September 02, 2017 8:01 PM  

@42 and @47...

I have said it before, and will say it again.

Vox Day is not only the Supreme Dark Lord.

He is a Dark Lord forge.

Few see this, and fewer understand that forges burn.

Regards,

Ivan

Anonymous Bernard Brandt September 02, 2017 8:05 PM  

Next on Vox Popoli:

100 decorative uses for skulls, by Spacebunny...

Anonymous fop September 02, 2017 8:05 PM  

Supreme Dark Lord Barbecue Sauce sounds like a winning business venture to me.

Blogger Joseph Bridges September 02, 2017 8:12 PM  

Ah, well...if you MUST be a "neatness-filbert"...Grind 'em fine, and spade 'em in; a bit of bone-meal is always good for the garden soil, yes?...

Picky, picky, picky...

Blogger Thucydides September 02, 2017 8:41 PM  

Make a necklace of skulls for the wife. Looks quite fetching on Kali.....

Blogger James Dixon September 02, 2017 9:16 PM  

> But someone has to tell them what to do.

It doesn't help any that VFM's are rather single minded and literal about their tasks. Detailed directions are a must.

Blogger tuberman September 02, 2017 9:25 PM  

Required reading before even finding the Academy, "How to Get a Head in an Uncertain World?"

Anonymous Napoleon 12pdr September 02, 2017 9:28 PM  

Pile the skulls into four pyramids of equal height. Put the tabletop for the BBQ on top. Problem solved.

Anonymous Korbin Ransley September 02, 2017 9:29 PM  

Kek 8^)

Anonymous Post Alley Crackpot September 02, 2017 10:00 PM  

What, nobody thought of turning the skulls into tiki torches?

OH RIGHT ... I forgot, that sends a bad message now.


Blogger Stilicho September 02, 2017 10:44 PM  

A Dark Lord sporting a wife and children hath given hostages to Propriety.

I mean, what's she gonna do when the VFM show up to watch the game? Ban cigars? Whiskey?

Blogger Dave September 02, 2017 10:48 PM  

VD wrote:Don't you have minions for that stuff?

Of course. But someone has to tell them what to do.


Ah, yes, the tales you could tell of your searches for self-motivated and self-directed minions would certainly rival the recent threads on employment.

I wonder though, in this case, if the SDL had created, say a family of minions, would it be possible to successfully impart the desirable traits one would look for in a minion. Of course, breeding minions must bring its own set of problems.

Blogger Durandel Almiras September 03, 2017 12:13 AM  

Vox is all about the skull collecting.

Typical Red Injun.

Anonymous Raker Tooth September 03, 2017 1:08 AM  

This from "Headhunters" at Infogalactic:
.

Contemporary scholars generally agree that its primary function was ceremonial and that it was part of the process of structuring, reinforcing, and defending hierarchical relationships between communities and individuals. Some experts theorize that the practice stemmed from the belief that the head contained "soul matter" or life force, which could be harnessed through its capture.
.
Gotta let 'em know who the boss is, I guess. Oh, speaking of which, DO DROP BY the Infogalactic page and tell me who you think the guy in the picture looks like.
https://infogalactic.com/info/Headhunting

Blogger Snidely Whiplash September 03, 2017 1:32 AM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash September 03, 2017 1:34 AM  

James Dixon wrote:It doesn't help any that VFM's are rather single minded and literal about their tasks. Detailed directions are a must.
None of us down here in the Foul Pits will forget the time the Dark Lord told us to move the display of captured banners to the South Wall, and no one thought to ask "Does that include the Legionary Eagle?"
Not if we want to survive anyway.

Blogger ((( bob kek mando ))) - ( i'm sorry you raped Andrea Dworkin and i disavow your Patriarchal Cisheteronormative Bourgeois Consciousness in shame ) September 03, 2017 1:58 AM  

36. WaterBoy September 02, 2017 1:50 PM
You know that's a good way to catch a communicable blood-born disease, right?


i rather doubt that someone who has personally chosen the term "VD" to refer to himself is particularly concerned about contracting blood borne diseases from anyone else.

i hear tell that women have contracted syphilis after Vox raped them with his eyes.

his look is a Killing Gaze.



87. Durandel Almiras September 03, 2017 12:13 AM
Typical Red Injun.



nah, atypical injun.

injuns take scalps and leave the rest to moulder in the sun. they wouldn't know what to do with the skull, much less the rest of the body.

for full corpse rendering, you've got to go to his Central American heritage.

http://nozombiesaloud.blogspot.com/2017/08/this-is-your-life-on-holiday.html

Anonymous Aeoli Pera September 03, 2017 9:41 AM  

Dark lord dad joke.

Anonymous Avalanche September 03, 2017 12:49 PM  

@88 Infogalactic page and tell me who you think the guy in the picture looks like.
https://infogalactic.com/info/Headhunting


Whoo! Spooky resemblance!! But then,Infogalactic IS something he had a hand in starting... Why should there NOT be easter eggs across IG for his followers to discover?!

Anonymous Raker Tooth September 03, 2017 2:00 PM  

@93
Whoo! Hilarious resemblance! Deliberate or not, it takes coolness to a new level.

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