ALL BLOG POSTS AND COMMENTS COPYRIGHT (C) 2003-2018 VOX DAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

It's a mystery

A woman's solitary life illustrates the danger of excessively high standards:
There is a name for people like me – “relationship virgin”. It is apt and accurate because I have managed to get to 54 without ever having had a boyfriend.

It is hard to believe, given that I haven’t been living in a cave at the bottom of the ocean, but it is the truth. I have never had a significant other, never been someone’s other half, never been asked out. Come to think of it, I’ve never even had a Valentine’s card – well, not unless you count the piece of paper with a love heart drawn in blue pen that Kevin from Sunday school shoved into my coat pocket when I was about seven....

I honestly don’t understand it. I am gregarious, have loads of interests, work out, have good dress sense – or so I am told – and am no more or less attractive than my friends, most of whom are happily married, or at least know what it feels like to be in love.

Just recently, my best friend – someone I have known since junior school – said to me that she wishes she had given me a good shake when we were at university. She was studying in the next city and would visit me for hall parties and other socials, and now says she could see what I was doing wrong. She says I made it such hard work for any boy who approached me, that I was too much of challenge.

I was invited to four weddings (no funerals, thank goodness) the year I turned 37. That is when I decided to join a dating agency, but it turned out to be one soul-sinking encounter after another with men who were inadequate, unsuitable or both.
So, being standoffish, reactive, and self-overrated is a handicap to pursuing relationships? Who would have ever imagined that? The truth is we see this sort of behavior in men as well; being a man, I see it even more often. The "pointy elbows, 2/10, would not bang" meme perfectly mocks this ridiculous, self-destructive behavior.

Look, men are not special because they are attracted to supermodels and women are not special because they are attracted to successful alpha males. That's the exact opposite of special.

This doesn't mean that you can't trade up in one area where she trades up in another. But it has to be an area of superior value to them, not to you. No woman gives a damn about your loyalty, devotion, white-knighting or romantic nature anymore than you care about her academic credentials, knitting skills, or gossip network.

Never forget that in love, as in war, the other party always gets a vote.

Labels:

118 Comments:

Anonymous TS October 28, 2017 7:31 AM  

Can she cook? If not fuggedaboutit.

Anonymous Lulabelle October 28, 2017 7:36 AM  

"gregarious". I'm betting obnoxious.

Anonymous Steve October 28, 2017 7:49 AM  

the last time I shared a bed with someone, which was 31 years ago now

Blimey. It's a shame Howard Carter's dead.

Blogger Lazarus October 28, 2017 7:50 AM  

Isn't this what nunneries are for?

Blogger pdwalker October 28, 2017 7:52 AM  

How appropriate, a horror story near Halloween.

Blogger Duke Norfolk October 28, 2017 7:57 AM  

Yeah but she's got her standards, by God, and she held to them!

Now she's got cats, lots and lots of cats.

Blogger wreckage October 28, 2017 7:59 AM  

I mostly see it among other men. There are two big failings: one, inadequate motivation. Personally I don't understand that aspect; not at all. I'd make the approach. I have done. You have to make the approach.

The second big failing is butter ball dorks who want a supermodel or athlete. If you want a model, you gotta be a model. Ditto for athletes, gym junkies, and so on. Why would a chick who loves the gym want to hang with a guy who spends his time bitching about jocks? She IS a jock. You're not. Moreover you're repelled by the very idea. Why would she react to that in any other fashion than running a mile?

I had a checklist. I found a girl who ticked all the must-haves: stable, loyal, attracted to me, no signs of insanity or abuse in the family. Cuter than I am handsome, which is better than I'd have settled for. Good Christian.

But then I've always had a certain confidence, tempered by the knowledge that I am not top-shelf liquor, nor anyone's Alpha. A really cheap knock-off sigma on my good days, at best.

Blogger wreckage October 28, 2017 8:01 AM  

@6 I bet her standards are really supportive and stroke her hair to help her fall asleep at night, and really took to having children very well, it was a whole side of her standards she hadn't really seen; and now they have the cutest grand-standard, and more on the way and her life is very full.

Blogger wreckage October 28, 2017 8:03 AM  

"loyalty, devotion, white-knighting or romantic nature"

Much like a functioning penis, she's pretty much expecting them as a "freebie" part of any package deal.

Anonymous Lythurienne October 28, 2017 8:04 AM  

"You have to make the approach."

True, but it's a lot easier said than done. I live in the UK, and here if you have white skin and "make the approach", nine times out of nine, armed police will be taking your door off at 3am and setting dogs on you for "sexual harassment".

The law just makes approaching women too risky here (unless you're a terrorist).

Anonymous Anonymous October 28, 2017 8:06 AM  

I had a friend who made it past 50 with his virginity intact.

Yes he did own a fedora.

When he finally did get laid, I and some of the other fellows in the "crew" feared that our newly-sullied friend might kill us. We imagined him chasing us down a road, shooting at us, in a total rage for our not having managed to convince him of what he was missing all those years.

Luckily that did not happen. My friend is a good shot.

Blogger wreckage October 28, 2017 8:10 AM  

@10, and such is my mindset that I'd accept that risk. Sometimes having poor impulse control and a total lack of foresight can be advantageous.

Blogger Chrom October 28, 2017 8:12 AM  

Only three comments in and we already have a thread winner? Hardly seems fair.

Blogger Daniel October 28, 2017 8:13 AM  

Just get a hooker for gods sake. I do not get these forever virgins dudes

Blogger Al From Bay Shore October 28, 2017 8:22 AM  

Happy to happily married. We don't tolerate our flaws and foibles, we love them.

Anonymous Steve October 28, 2017 8:22 AM  

I live in the UK, and here if you have white skin and "make the approach", nine times out of nine, armed police will be taking your door off at 3am and setting dogs on you for "sexual harassment".

Maybe your fedora is a fashion crime.

Anonymous HoosierHillbilly October 28, 2017 8:28 AM  

That link was a wondrous example of the taste of the tragedy in postmodern life. "The one remarkable thing about me has become unremarkable". Because you wasted it darling. You have lost your sexual appeal...you have become a nonperson...and that is a long, slow grind without a family to love you

Blogger VD October 28, 2017 8:30 AM  

I live in the UK, and here if you have white skin and "make the approach", nine times out of nine, armed police will be taking your door off at 3am and setting dogs on you for "sexual harassment".

That's total bullshit. You're using it as an excuse not to do something that frightens you. Stop making excuses for yourself.

Blogger Lazarus October 28, 2017 8:36 AM  

Commenter at the site:

Anyway it's sad. But a longterm relationship is most definitely not a criterion for a "life well lived"; ditto with parenthood. Thank you for sharing your story.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out
of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your
laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears

__ Khalil Gibran

Blogger Doom October 28, 2017 8:37 AM  

Past the age of fertility and it simply doesn't matter. Many men have a lot of extra fertility time, if that isn't really all practical either. Still I have more hope for the whore getting to heaven than the shrew. One has served man, vocationally if wrongheadedly. The other has only served herself, and obviously poorly. Might just be a health issue though. A lack of nurturing or ability to bond (so maybe best not married to motherhood) or even simply a lack of attraction, the simple ability to enjoy intercourse.

I don't see men being too picky. Wise, maybe. The basement or bar is no place to get lucky. I did eventually, as S.B. suggested, I would be... introduced to a women if I went to the gym, pool? Swimming, in my case. Long after I had forgotten. Literally just there to swim, ignoring others, mostly. Problem is I considered her too old. Rejected. Would have kept going but my gas tank started getting raided. Too picky? I really am no longer interested. It's just too late and my life isn't a whole charity, 10% not all. If she can't be fruitful, I can't afford her... or extenuating costs. Amoral moralizing college kids? Screw 'em.

Blogger Wayne October 28, 2017 9:05 AM  

She didn't mention any movies that helped idealize romance to the point where nothing could live up to the standard portrayed on screen.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 9:09 AM  

I agree with the use of supermodels here only as a high standard for social position. Not as an example of unobtainable feminine beauty, because that they have not been for a long time. That's not me being picky.

None of which has anything to do with the main point, which is perfectly valid. People certainly use highest standards or the pretence of high standards to hide the fact that they're lonely losers.

I just wish we'd stop invoking supermodels in connection to beauty. It's like holding John Scalzi up as a model of political wisdom or manliness. Understanding, again, that supermodels are a marker for sexual status in our degenerate high-society.

Anonymous Lara Mycroft October 28, 2017 9:10 AM  

From the article: "I actually think that I would have made a great girlfriend or wife: it is sad that no one gave me the chance."

Sounds to me as if she never gave anyone else the chance.

An in-law of mine is also in her 50's and man-less. She insists on trying to attract older university types with PhD's ... men who are, in her words, "smart." When I tell her that other types of men might be better for her, she skoffs.

In my family are men who are marketers, building maintenance supervisors, and professional coaches -- all of whom are happily married. But she can't imagine being wed to such commoners, because she has "standards," you see ...

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 9:13 AM  

@21-For every unrealistic romance movie, there's gotta be a horror or thriller showing sex and attraction to be dangerous and likely to end in doom.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 9:21 AM  

@7-I don't think the "approach" is natural to the human psyche. Not traumatic, or anything, but uncomfortable enough that people are easily dissuaded.

That is, unnatural the way it's commonly done. Because lots of people live amongst the "lonely crowd." They have their groups of friends and people they know formally through work, church, etc. That's how I've formed basically all my relationships: friends, family, work. Environments in which I'm comfortable.

Not running game in bars. Which feels natural once you're practiced at it, probably. Like I imagine it feels for salesmen. But I tried it, and though it worked surprisingly well (are people that malleable, I asked myself), it made me feel like a sociopath.

We don't have extended communities anymore, most of us. Which is key, I think. It's more conducive to courtship . If you have that, you won't be approaching perfect strangers.

Anonymous Mayonnaise October 28, 2017 9:25 AM  

"I actually think that I would have made a great girlfriend or wife."

Check out the wording: Not just "think," but "actually think."

It's as if she can barely imagine it herself.

Blogger tuberman October 28, 2017 9:29 AM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Timmy3 October 28, 2017 9:32 AM  

Without high standards, she’ll have no standards at all. She had the great judgement of sleeping with 3 men in hopes of achieving a relationship. Huh? Not smart. Any smart man will know she isn’t relationship material.

Blogger tuberman October 28, 2017 9:34 AM  

I had a mild crush on a girl, when I was age 13, and she was at first interested, but then became harsh toward me. I found out a couple years later, that her parents made a loud joke of her interest in me. Her brothers were somewhat friends of mine, and her youngest brother told me she had never gotten married, and he had never seen her with a boyfriend. He said, "She always thinks she's too good for everyone." She was about 40 by than.

Anonymous Bobby Farr October 28, 2017 9:34 AM  

Standards are just an ego saving excuse. This woman says she was never even asked out so I don't see where her standards even came into play.

Blogger VD October 28, 2017 9:37 AM  

I tried it, and though it worked surprisingly well (are people that malleable, I asked myself), it made me feel like a sociopath.

And therein lies the problem. You would rather live your life alone than risk feeling like a sociopath, however briefly. Your life has been shaped by your prioritization of feelz rather than reason.

Blogger tuberman October 28, 2017 9:43 AM  

This thing about women needing to "marry up" has gotten worse, and at a very bad time for these women. Women are such herd creatures, that even if they find a male with a good attitude, and other attributes that would make him an excellent husband for life, other women will interfere, suggesting, or actually saying outright, that she is choosing "down" if he does not meet external standards.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 9:45 AM  

There used to be little shame in being a spinster or lifelong bachelor, back when there was a lot more pressure to couple up and be fruitful. They had roles to play in society and in families. I imagine not all of them were voluntary bachelors/spinsters. Many a husbabdless aunt probably lied about the suitors that danced with her and were on the verge of proposing, but never did.

Why can't this lady just be a good spinster? What are the differences nowadays? Just the need for public confession and rationalization? Or is it something about the way people miss the window?

People are more cocooned, with less opportunities to socialize, if they don't proactively make them. There's less pressure to land a partner, if not to "hook up." From the male perspective at least, it's easier to be lazy and satisfy sexual desire like you're consuming fast food.

Some people fall back into themselves and never get into practice. It's a skill they miss, like not learning to cook or change a tire. And after a period, some of them just never learn. Aw, I'll just Netflix and chill tonight...and every night hereafter. That's their fate, when the window closes. It doesn't seem like a conscious decision to them, though it is.

Blogger Henry Cybulski October 28, 2017 9:49 AM  

@6 She would have had more success if she were a dog person.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 9:50 AM  

@31-If you followed my post, that comment was specifically about the pick-up scene. Which isn't for everyone There are other, more comfortable places to find relationships. As I said, I've found mine through friends, family, and work. (And at school, when I went.)

There's nothing unreasonable about letting feelz dictate whether you want to hit on strangers. Unless strangers are your only opportunity.

Blogger James Dixon October 28, 2017 9:54 AM  

> No woman gives a damn about your loyalty, devotion, white-knighting or romantic nature anymore than you care about her academic credentials, knitting skills, or gossip network.

Hey, knitting skills are important come teotwawki. :)

Anonymous Wu Ming October 28, 2017 9:56 AM  

Knitting skills are cool, c'mon!
If there 5 women, all equally pretty, the one with the knitting skills has an edge doesn't she? ^.^

Blogger Simon October 28, 2017 9:56 AM  

You speak bollocks. I too am in the UK and have yet to experience yours. I think you jest.

Blogger Simon October 28, 2017 9:58 AM  

Spot on. He be one of those war hammer nerds.

Blogger Simon October 28, 2017 10:00 AM  

Yep, he be some kind of perv. No wonder the birds tie him a wide berth.

Blogger Simon October 28, 2017 10:02 AM  

Probably she be a fat one.

Anonymous Roger Phapz October 28, 2017 10:02 AM  

I read the article and don't remember her saying she had extra high standards. It's one of those articles that are disingenuous and leave out the real reason for the author's situation. There is a picture but it is from behind so you don't see the writer's face. My guess is that the eternal spinsterhood is due to a super low sex drive, a homely face, and UK males being super passive (when not outright fags). She doesn't really say she ever wanted a relationship; just muses that it didn't happen all on its own.

Anonymous Neo October 28, 2017 10:03 AM  

She sounds like the typical pretentious midwit. She should've worked on being a good woman instead of being a good feminist.

Blogger James Dixon October 28, 2017 10:05 AM  

> ...tempered by the knowledge that I am not top-shelf liquor, nor anyone's Alpha. A really cheap knock-off sigma on my good days, at best.

In a world of Cartier's and Rolex's, I'm merely a top end Timex or Casio. Fortunately, there was at least one woman who only cared about how well I kept time.

Anonymous Godfrey October 28, 2017 10:05 AM  

Young men take some advice from an older man that learned it the hard way...

In THIS culture most women are as shallow as us men. If you're a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10, overcompensating with numerous and various degrees and certifications to increase your earnings potential really doesn't move the dial much. It's not going to put you in the game with women in the 8-10 range.

In THIS culture being a devoted, loyal, chaste, responsible, and employed man really don't count for as much as you would rationally suppose. It helps, but it simply doesn't move the dial much for most woman. It doesn't put you in the high range game guys.

I'm not saying it is impossible. I'm saying the odds are against you. Sorry guys, but that's the brutal facts of life. There's a reason for the saying among women of "tall dark and handsome."

Blogger VD October 28, 2017 10:06 AM  

If there 5 women, all equally pretty, the one with the knitting skills has an edge doesn't she? ^.^

That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

Blogger Johnny October 28, 2017 10:06 AM  

>> It's one of those articles that are disingenuous and leave out the real reason for the author's situation...

Just to agree, for her dating life to be as sparse as it was there has to be something more going on with her than is revealed by her writing.

Blogger Simon October 28, 2017 10:06 AM  

Can we have pictures of the fat cunt?

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 10:13 AM  

@31-To expand on my point, aside from working in a field with lots of women and having a sister with many girlfriends, at least one side of my family lived in a world with the remnants of community. Small town, where people had a more than average number of offspring. So there has always been a pool of casual female acquaintances to approach.

I don't need to approach strangers in bars to avoid lifelong loneliness, anymore than I need to force myself to enjoy techno music or craft beers to have a full life.

Anonymous Steve October 28, 2017 10:13 AM  

and UK males being super passive (when not outright fags).

How many British men have you dated?

Blogger Doom October 28, 2017 10:16 AM  

Roger Phapz,

I have heard the notion/term for/origin of intelligence was partially, roughly, derived from the ability to read between the lines. So, as if that were true, what did you intuit?

Blogger pnq8787 October 28, 2017 10:17 AM  

There are most likely unspoken childhood experiences and genetic personality traits working together here to result in the unfortunate single life she has described. There is only a small window in life to form a meaningful sexual relationship and if you don't have your shit together by then and you miss it, you are out of luck. I believe her when she says she doesn't know why her life turned out the way it did.

Anonymous Godfrey October 28, 2017 10:36 AM  

In a traditional culture wherein a man is a provider for a woman and their offspring such virtues in a man as loyalty, industriousness, intelligence, etc. have greater value. In a culture like ours wherein women are financially independent, the value of these virtues are significantly less if not nonexistent.

The fact is that in this culture most attractive women are "chasing Alpha" (that would be a good book title)until they're past their prime.

Blogger tuberman October 28, 2017 10:37 AM  

It's interesting comparing the PUA culture with the "Sex In the City" ladies. They occurred about the same time, and one feeds the other. Pua guys, most of them, are not even close to full blown sociopaths, as they have just moved with the times. Many mature out of that stage, as in Roosh.

Anonymous BBGKB October 28, 2017 10:41 AM  

It is hard to believe, given that I haven’t been living in a cave at the bottom of the ocean

If she was hot someone would have still managed to find her.

. I am gregarious, have loads of interests, work out, have good dress sense – or so I am told –

Until I realizes most women try to set each other up for failure, I thought they all had bad dress sense for others.

Blogger tuberman October 28, 2017 10:43 AM  

Doom wrote:Roger Phapz,

I have heard the notion/term for/origin of intelligence was partially, roughly, derived from the ability to read between the lines. So, as if that were true, what did you intuit?


Of course, Intelligence = something like "Reading Between the Lines." Greek origin.

I intuit that she is leaving stuff out, and she is neurotic, and still stuck in her musing of other possibilities, which she did not want to explore anyway.

Anonymous Godfrey October 28, 2017 10:51 AM  

In the past less attractive women at least compensated for the handicap by fostering skills and virtues. Maybe she was sweet, nice and knew how to cook and sew.

I for one thinks that adds significant value and attraction to a woman. But hell, when's the last time you ran into such a woman these days? I think a man would have a better chance of running into Big Foot.

Blogger dc.sunsets October 28, 2017 10:55 AM  

Pop culture ruins people.

Our "perfect awaits you just around the next corner" consumerist cesspool tells people 24/7 to always be ready to trade up or, in this woman's case, await her illusory prince's arrival.

The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it's greener where YOU invest your efforts to water it.

An earlier comment nailed it; make a mental list of attributes you'd like (keeping it realistic) and (my view) make damn sure YOU haven't embedded Deal Breakers in your history.

This is of the tips & tricks I'll offer to my grandchildren. Make yourself (honestly) respect-worthy and then cultivate the self-confidence to approach those who interest you. Courtship is a dance of determining the validity of early attraction, and is damn serious. Casual relationships only add baggage.

People who are goofing off through their 20's, even into their 30's, are LARPing Peter Pan.

Blogger dc.sunsets October 28, 2017 11:06 AM  

Men are attracted to youth, hewing to the ideal waist-to-hip ratio and (according to Jordan Peterson) neotony. This is great for the first half of life together (making & raising kids) but unless she's capable of learning to be the other half of your daily dialogue, years 50-80 are going to be a bitch, and men who think they'll just trade up for a younger model will be exactly the same as the lonely woman in the OP.

Looks are the bait. Fools look no further. The fortunate find someone with whom they honestly enjoy discussion, and they make special effort to revel in her youthful beauty for as long as it lasts, so those echoes follow for decades.

Women...don't cut your hair. Just my opinion.

Blogger dc.sunsets October 28, 2017 11:10 AM  

In the past less attractive women at least compensated for the handicap by fostering skills and virtues. Maybe she was sweet, nice and knew how to cook and sew.

I for one thinks that adds significant value and attraction to a woman. But hell, when's the last time you ran into such a woman these days? I think a man would have a better chance of running into Big Foot.


They exist, but are nearly as rare as attractive "nice girls." It seems today like even patently unattractive young women grossly overestimate their attractiveness.

I still aver that pop culture has ruined two full generations of Americans.

Anonymous Redjack October 28, 2017 11:14 AM  

A women I knew in college was a bit like this.

She was good looking (I chased for a bit, in a dark period). Out going, and yet never really formed a relationship. Long after I got married, she tracked me down after Social Media stalking. She was 40 and alone, and couldn't figure out why every guy she brushed off in her 20's was married with kids.

She wanted to ride the carousal, and couldn't figure out why no one wanted to buy her a ring.

I gave her contact information to my wife (I was a bit freaked about an old flame tracking me down like that). My Bride said "She never bothered to look at the guys she could land, and therefore never landed any. I am glad, or I might not have found you!".

Still, when I think of her with cats in Chicago, all alone, I feel a bit sad. But I am VERY thankful I dodged THAT bullet.

Anonymous Ominous Cowherd October 28, 2017 11:16 AM  

VD wrote:That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

I disagree. A woman who can quietly tend to her knitting is a good one. Knitting, canning, cooking, gardening, sewing are all pluses, because they are all domestic skills. A woman with no domestic skills is going to get off to a bad start as a wife, because she wasn't raised right.

Anonymous Redjack October 28, 2017 11:18 AM  

dc.sunsets wrote:Men are attracted to youth, hewing to the ideal waist-to-hip ratio and (according to Jordan Peterson) neotony. This is great for the first half of life together (making & raising kids) but unless she's capable of learning to be the other half of your daily dialogue, years 50-80 are going to be a bitch, and men who think they'll just trade up for a younger model will be exactly the same as the lonely woman in the OP.

Looks are the bait. Fools look no further. The fortunate find someone with whom they honestly enjoy discussion, and they make special effort to revel in her youthful beauty for as long as it lasts, so those echoes follow for decades.

Women...don't cut your hair. Just my opinion.


LOL. Yep. My Dad warned me when I was young to "Not do as I have done!" and look at her mother. My Bride's Mom, while a bit goofy at 70, is a wonderful person who is very caring. She values God, Family, and serving others. Dad told me "at 50, you will be married to her Mom, just remember that".

My Bride isn't a 10 on the physical side, but I didn't buy the car for the trim package.

Anonymous Ominous Cowherd October 28, 2017 11:24 AM  

dc.sunsets wrote:An earlier comment nailed it; make a mental list of attributes you'd like (keeping it realistic) and (my view) make damn sure YOU haven't embedded Deal Breakers in your history.

My older daughter tells me she has two criteria for a potential husband: Christian and single. She hasn't met one in a year at tradeschool, so I suspect she has some other standards she hasn't articulated, like ``attractive enogh for a girl to notice, and brave enough to approach her.''

Anonymous Ominous Cowherd October 28, 2017 11:27 AM  

VD wrote:That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

I disagree. A woman who can quietly tend to her knitting is a good one. Knitting, canning, cooking, gardening, sewing are all pluses, because they are all domestic skills. A woman with no domestic skills is going to get off to a bad start as a wife, because she wasn't raised right.

Blogger haus frau October 28, 2017 11:28 AM  

@29 "I had a mild crush on a girl, when I was age 13, and she was at first interested, but then became harsh toward me. I found out a couple years later, that her parents made a loud joke of her interest in me. "

My dad in particular, used to tease like that about his children's romantic interests and then couldn't understand why I was very private about my dating life. All of us were to some extent. All of us would have benefited from better guidance. Making fun of children in such a personal way sets a terrible precedent with adolescents. It stigmatizes normal romantic interest as stupid and embarrassing just when the kids are testing the waters and need parental wisdom.

Anonymous Mayonnaise October 28, 2017 11:34 AM  

Our "perfect awaits you just around the next corner" consumerist cesspool tells people 24/7 to always be ready to trade up or, in this woman's case, await her illusory prince's arrival.

The other night my wife and I watched "Cinderella" ... the one directed by Kenneth Branagh. Excellent rendition, but wholly unrealistic.

Try telling women that, though ...

Blogger WynnLloyd October 28, 2017 12:11 PM  

lol. Men with PhDs can be some of the biggest losers ever. I know because I have one and am always disgusted with the lack of character of myself and others in academia.
A successful marketer or even a skilled tradesman does so much better for the world. I can't imagine wanting one of the freaks you meet at an academic conference. A real man with a real profession is so much better, and ironically likely to be just as smart.

Anonymous vfm October 28, 2017 12:11 PM  

Dad told me "at 50, you will be married to her Mom, just remember that".

Wise words.

Anonymous Napoleon 12pdr October 28, 2017 12:14 PM  

Two factors nobody seems to mention are location and mobility.

There are some places where quality single men or women are in short supply. If there's a surplus of one or the other, it warps the market.

Mobility is the other issue. As people progress in their careers, they become less able to move. A 22-year-old fresh out of college can go anywhere he can find a job. That same person at 32 would have a much harder time starting over...which means moving to better dating hunting grounds may be out.

Tip to young women: The Grade A husbands are snapped up by the time they are 30. If YOU are 30, you're looking at a mix of lazy losers, the physically unattractive, the gameless, workaholics, and the men living in Dating Deserts. The best solution was to nail down a Grade A five years ago, but if you're in this situation, look for a Grade B with potential.

Tip 2 to young women: These days, sweetness and kindness are killer apps. Sarcasm is NOT attractive.

Anonymous I'm Not a Fascist. But My Sons Are. October 28, 2017 12:15 PM  

I never intended on marrying, then I met a woman who had attended finishing school. It felt, I imagine, very much like Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer felt when she found that coelacanth. I proposed just inside of 3 months of dating.

True story.

Anonymous Wu Ming October 28, 2017 12:15 PM  

*That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.*

Come on! It's more like saying if there are 5 men, all equally "alpha" the one with the electrician/mechanical/musical skill has the edge. And I think he does if the other guys have no hobbies.

Knitting is useful for the family, unlike playing wargames.
We are talking about husband/wife material here right

Anonymous Roger Phapz October 28, 2017 12:21 PM  

@steve : 50

Fewer than you have.

Anonymous Oscar Weinercus October 28, 2017 12:28 PM  

Hey, try and put that 50 year old virgin guy in touch with this 54 year old lady. They just might hit it off.

Blogger Forge the Sky October 28, 2017 12:33 PM  

@64 my mother would tease the dickens out of us if we had a crush or (heaven forbid) went on a date. From her perspective, she just found it really amusing I suppose, to have a weak point to tease us about. All in good fun!

In retrospect, it makes me very angry. It's a difficult new thing for a young man to navigate, and it needs support not ridicule. I had no sort of relationship until I was 25, and made a huge drama of that by hiding it from everyone for two years. Didn't end well.

Now she's offended that my teenage sister talks to me about boys and relationship dynamics and not her. 'I know quite a bit about this from my high-school days you know!' Nah.

Mostly a very good mother, but sometimes a small thing like that can make a big difference.

Anonymous Camilla Cameo October 28, 2017 12:33 PM  

@33 Why can't this lady just be a good spinster?

That is exactly what I am trying to be and would welcome advice as to how. I'm eager to help out with my nieces and nephews, when I have the opportunity, but would like further ideas how I can do good for Christendom.

And no, I did not ride the carousel and reject good men. I am a virgin and only ever rejected one man, the only one ever interested in me, because he was an overemotional, needy philosophy major two years my junior. I made choices that helped lead to my spinsterhood, so I don't blame anyone else for that. But I do defend my honor: I'm no slut and no feminist, and would like to do anything I can for the glory of God and Western Civilization.

Also @4 the nunneries have been converged. They're mostly aging lesbians, and Bergoglio has just ruled that any of them with actual vocations must impose a nine-year waiting period on any postulants. Nine years. It used to be six months. He wants to destroy the Faith.

Anonymous Kat October 28, 2017 12:38 PM  

Ominous Cowherd wrote:VD wrote:That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

I disagree. A woman who can quietly tend to her knitting is a good one. Knitting, canning, cooking, gardening, sewing are all pluses, because they are all domestic skills. A woman with no domestic skills is going to get off to a bad start as a wife, because she wasn't raised right.


Depends on which knitting she's tending. I was chattering in a yarn store to a woman about the projects I'd made for the kids that year only to discover she hasn't knitted anything for her grandkids. /eyeroll

If she's buying yarn at Hobby Lobby and knitting for the babies at church then marry her tomorrow. If she's buying $40 skeins to knit sweet nothings for herself then look elsewhere.

Blogger haus frau October 28, 2017 12:45 PM  

Hand crafts are mostly irrelevant to romance for sure but the types of hobbies a person indulges can be an indication of domestic potential. If she loves night clubs, travel and shopping thwn pass. If she loves night clubs, knitting and baking the night club phase will probably fade out when a meaningful relationship kicks in.

Anonymous Kat October 28, 2017 12:52 PM  

Camilla Cameo wrote:@33 Why can't this lady just be a good spinster?

That is exactly what I am trying to be and would welcome advice as to how. I'm eager to help out with my nieces and nephews, when I have the opportunity, but would like further ideas how I can do good for Christendom.

And no, I did not ride the carousel and reject good men. I am a virgin and only ever rejected one man, the only one ever interested in me, because he was an overemotional, needy philosophy major two years my junior. I made choices that helped lead to my spinsterhood, so I don't blame anyone else for that. But I do defend my honor: I'm no slut and no feminist, and would like to do anything I can for the glory of God and Western Civilization.

Also @4 the nunneries have been converged. They're mostly aging lesbians, and Bergoglio has just ruled that any of them with actual vocations must impose a nine-year waiting period on any postulants. Nine years. It used to be six months. He wants to destroy the Faith.


As a mom and off the top of my head - what are your assets? Can you teach Sunday school (thereby freeing up a parent to enjoy some rejuvenation)?
Can you bring meals to the young moms in your church?
Can you offer to drive elderly to errands/appointments?
If you're musical can you offer low cost training through a club or co-op or even privately?
How do you plan to leave your money? Can you give a worthy young couple $500-5k towards a house/baby supplies/school books?
Are you good with babies? Can you give a mom a break to visit the dentist or get a hair cut or even drink a cup of coffee quietly?
Are you a good listener? So many women I know feel isolated. Just sitting with a mom (possibly while folding laundry or helping w/ meal prep) and listening to her and affirming the work she does can mean the world.
Can you teach art/cookery/baking/financial planning/sewing/etc?

There is a massive amount of work to be done. IMO anything that helps women feel connected generationally and helps them to love, understand, and pass down their cultural heritage/the feminine arts is desperately needed.

Anonymous The way and the truth and the life October 28, 2017 12:54 PM  

The PUA lifestyle is out of the question for any Christian man.

The Bible teaches it's best not to marry (Matthew 19:12). However, while Paul prefers Christians to remain single and celibate, he understands most people are weaklings so everyone should have his own wife lest he sins. (The power of Christ enables one to remain single and celibate, though.)

It is also supported by the Bible that if a Christian marries, he should marry a Christian. So you'd only use game, if at all, on those you know who are Christians.

Most women, and most men as well, will likely mock those who believe in Christ. And since marriage is a requirement for Christians, this is more trouble than it's worth.

Long story short, it's best you make yourself eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Anonymous DonReynolds October 28, 2017 1:00 PM  

Very good, Vox.....that this article follows the NFL article, since they are so much alike. The NFL clowns want the world on their terms and ONLY the way they want it. They seem convinced that they are the League and the League would not exist without them. Likewise, the 54 year old "relationship virgin" wants it all her way. No one else is allowed any preferences of their own.

To the NFL clowns and the "relationship virgin", I would say.....
Jerk your finger from a glass of water and watch how quickly the hole fills in. The world will never notice you are gone.

There are no activities or jobs or relationships, that I know of, that do not require a two-way flow of cooperation and coordination. It is not only about YOU. Drop out and do it your way. Nobody will mind.

Blogger VFM #7634 October 28, 2017 1:42 PM  

"I was invited to four weddings (no funerals, thank goodness) the year I turned 37. That is when I decided to join a dating agency, but it turned out to be one soul-sinking encounter after another with men who were inadequate, unsuitable or both."

Yet again, women don't understand that prime men won't be going for old infertile women. If she waited until 37 to get serious, she'll be stuck with gammas and omegas by default. That goes without saying.

The truth is we see this sort of behavior in men as well; being a man, I see it even more often. The "pointy elbows, 2/10, would not bang" meme perfectly mocks this ridiculous, self-destructive behavior.

It's kind of weird. But I think it ties into the tendencies for Gammas and Omegas to get oneitis: if they are to have any woman at all, only the best will do. And, of course, their hesitation is just plain creepy. Men with an abundance mentality are ironically enough more likely to have reasonable standards for the women they'll get involved with.

Blogger Brad Matthews October 28, 2017 1:48 PM  

The way and the truth and the life wrote:The Bible teaches it's best not to marry (Matthew 19:12). However, while Paul prefers Christians to remain single and celibate, he understands most people are weaklings so everyone should have his own wife lest he sins. (The power of Christ enables one to remain single and celibate, though.)

From beginning to end, the Bible makes absolutely no such claim. Matt 19:12 is in response to his answer about divorce. They didn't like it. Basically, holy shit, if we can't divorce our wives for another women anytime we want without committing adultery, maybe it's better not to marry in the first place. Jesus gives the example of a few for who that is true: the eunuch born that way, made that way, and one who chooses to be celibate for the kingdom. He in absolutely no way endorses celibacy over marriage.

To take one of Paul's quotes out of context of the rest of scripture is the surest way to know your interpretation of it is incorrect.

Anonymous Battlefrog October 28, 2017 1:51 PM  

VD wrote:That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

If the knitting skills are part of a well rounded home making package, it certainly is.

Anonymous Gary Stenklitz October 28, 2017 2:20 PM  

How many people commenting on this article actually read it? I am asking for a friend...

Anonymous Just another commenter October 28, 2017 2:23 PM  

I think the key is identifying what's really important to you (be honest with yourself!) and then being realistic in the application of that knowledge.

I remember back when I was dating (college and not long after) it seemed like finding a girlfriend was easy, but then we sort of drift apart. Not a hostile breakup for the most part, just... "meh." I realized I was starting to think about finding a wife, not just a squeeze; those I was dating were not bad people, just not someone I'd want to spend my life with. Started thinking about what's really important.

I did the geek thing and made a list of attributes and what percentage of the female population could meet each one and realize that were about a dozen people in the whole world. Oof. I wasn't a handsome billionaire, so that wasn't happening. Had to cut the list down to size, identify what was really important. "Smart" morphed into "at least no dumber than average", and "fit" turned into "no major genetic diseases or serious health problems." Etc.

But it really came down to reordering the list. What is MOST important? They were all mental traits. Trustworthy. Honest. Hardworking. It all boiled down to Would she make a good mother? That was it in a nutshell. A few simple words that implied a great deal.

Suddenly the number of possibles was both much larger and much smaller. When I met the woman who is now my wife it was like night and day compared to the previous dozen dates. Not the cutest or smartest or fittest or best-credentialed or highest income or snappiest dresser. But definitely the most practical, down-to-earth woman I'd talked too in a long time. And she's made a great mom to out kids in teh years since.

The writer of this article sounds like she watched too many movies, didn't know what she wanted beyond the ill-defined perfect life for herself, and thought there was always going to be a sequel like on the big screen.

Blogger Matamoros October 28, 2017 2:42 PM  

Among Christian girls of all types there is the tightrope of not being "loose" while trying to remain enough attractive to guys to pull in a husband.

With seemingly all the girls putting out, it is hard for good ones to find a guy who will bother with courtship.

Heartiste's Comment Of The Week: The Vanishing Virgin is in this regard.

Anonymous Derek Bente-Kranke October 28, 2017 2:59 PM  

A lot of the males here talk about the qualities they want in a wife, like they were shopping for a car. You almost fall asleep reading their trite mewlings.

Blogger VFM #7634 October 28, 2017 3:22 PM  

@85 Matamoros

Among the stricter Christian groups, it appears that quasi-arranged marriage is becoming the norm. It bodes well for the future of the race, since the marriages appear to be successful on the whole and the girls are often attractive, but it does ensure you're SOL if you're not a member of their church. Even Alphas or Sigmas with ironclad game will have trouble with the family members of the girls constantly interfering, and in most cases they won't bother because there's much easier prey around.

IOW, conservative Christians are adopting Islamic mating patterns, perhaps without the inbreeding. Heh.

Anonymous Ulysses October 28, 2017 4:08 PM  

However briefly? If you pick girls up by acting like a sociopath, you are going to have to continue acting like a sociopath to keep them. Baiting and then switching back to beta is not a solution. So your only exits are to pump and dump or try to affect a permanent personality change in yourself to appease her. In which case, best of luck

Blogger Nate Winchester October 28, 2017 4:23 PM  

http://rawlenyanzi.com/misha-modern-romance/

When did emotionally abusive relationships become the new normal in Science Fiction? I keep running into storylines where the male lead “proves” his love for the female lead by continuing to pursue her after she has lied to him repeatedly and deliberately done things to drive him away.

Is that what constitutes a Prince Charming these days, a high tolerance for psychological torment? Maybe I’m just jaded, but the first time a potential partner plays some kind of head game to see if I am really devoted, I’m out the door.
. . .
So the only way left for the man to win the woman is through enduring the trials that she, herself, puts him through.

Now, to keep this from being just femdom porn, there has to be some big secret reason why she has to treat him like dirt, and also why she can’t tell him until the big reveal.

But that has been the romantic plot of the last four or five SF novels I’ve tried to read. Boy meets girl, girl uses boy for her own mysterious purposes, boy puts up with that shit indefinitely.


The relevance is, of course, rather obvious.

Blogger Akulkis October 28, 2017 4:59 PM  

@Nate...

Consider what sort of men are writing such stories, and that's your answer.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 5:04 PM  

@88-"If you pick girls up by acting like a sociopath, you are going to have to continue acting like a sociopath to keep them. Baiting and then switching back to beta is not a solution"

Which is one reason why pick-up artists tell you to spice up your own personality and he as natural as possible. Because like in the self-help world they expect you to "fake it before you make it." Eventually you'll be the sort of person girls want to be around, the more success you have with them.

But they don't teach very well how to get over that hump, because that's not what the PUA world is geared toward teaching.

"So your only exits are to pump and dump or try to affect a personality change in yourself to appease her. In which case, best of luck"

There are other exits, for instance trying something besides the pick-up world.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 5:07 PM  

@89-"Now, to keep this from being just femdom porn, there has to be some big secret reason why she has to treat him like dirt"

How about because she's a woman and he lets her get away with it? Is that a big secret, though?

Blogger Nate Winchester October 28, 2017 5:24 PM  

I live in the UK, and here if you have white skin and "make the approach", nine times out of nine, armed police will be taking your door off at 3am and setting dogs on you for "sexual harassment".

That's total bullshit. You're using it as an excuse not to do something that frightens you. Stop making excuses for yourself.


Well he might be exaggerating, but...
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/junior-doctor-convicted-indecent-assault-tinder-date-grab-breasts-sex-philip-queree-jersey-a7996126.html

Heck even an apparent feminist said men could innocently wind up as convicted criminals based on sexual misunderstandings.
http://metro.co.uk/2017/04/24/is-ignorance-turning-men-into-sex-offenders-6594553/

(and if a feminist is starting to become aware, odds are things might be far worse)

Anonymous truthseeker October 28, 2017 5:42 PM  

Off topic--question that someone on here may be able to answer. There's some book about the New Deal, that was written contemporaneously or shortly afterwards and I'm trying to find it. The premise of the book is that the communist revolution people feared the New Deal could lead to wasn't a future risk, it was a past fait accompli. "The revolution isn't ahead of us, it's behind us." And the book talks about the excited, ambitious young people flocking to Washington D.C. to begin building the bureacracy that would control more and more of American life, communist style. Anyway, the book sounds great, I read an article about it once and thought, "wow," and now I can't find it. Have any of you heard of such a book?

Anonymous Raker Tooth October 28, 2017 6:05 PM  

There are days when I feel like the last guy on the planet who should give relational advice; but then, that might turn into a qualification. Like the (Aerosmith?) lyric: "I've learned from fools and from sages". Be careful about assumptions; Oh we're both Christians, so everything will work out. Polarized priorities will be a strain, to put it mildly.
I do have -some- observations worth passing along. I used to think that in my situation, weight lifting was stupid. I mean, there's the bench, the bar, the weights. You do all this work, all this huffing and puffing, and what happens? When you're done, the stuff's all the same. No stack of firewood, no stone wall built, no physical accomplishment. I used antique tools to do stuff and get exercise. Unfortunately, if not done right, that can result in the wrong look. For years I told myself I need to change that, and I finally did.
You know, waiting too long for a good thing is itself a form of retardation. I wasn't necessarily trying to look good to women, I just wanted to look more like a man, which would help in the sales department. That and I met the owner of a construction company who always looked good regardless of how worn his clothes were. It was because the frame the clothes were hung on was right. So I started lifting, with an emphasis on incline bench to fill in the upper chest, and some work on the shoulders, along with Russian kettle weight for warm up.
I'm far from cut, or the bodybuilder type. But honestly, if you're a guy who's having a hard time being attractive, I'd say it's your own fault. Money was an issue, so I bought used concrete filled weights and an old bar at the flea market. I made a bench from used deck boards. My brother in law gave me the kettle weight.
Everywhere I go, the women are very attentive, it's bizarre. I think that a lot of guys have their virtual girlfriends, and so aren't interested in the real thing, and there are a LOT of lonely women. I used to think that women are more interested in relationships, and men are more interested in the physical. That however, is likely a load of horse poo. OTOH, it could be that women consider a built guy more likely to have other masculine attributes.
I know that's true for me. It's hard to put into words, but that effort that goes into pushing hard on the last few reps changes -who- you are. Aerobic exercise only does so much. That and the feeling of accomplishment and knowing you're doing what you should is unequaled.
If you're a man, you must do this. Don't be another retard who waited till his 50's.

Blogger Dave W. October 28, 2017 6:13 PM  

I'm not even remotely surprised that this was printed in the Guardian

Blogger Mangrove_Throat_Warbler October 28, 2017 6:30 PM  

@88-"If you pick girls up by acting like a sociopath, you are going to have to continue acting like a sociopath to keep them. Baiting and then switching back to beta is not a solution"

Which is one reason why pick-up artists tell you to spice up your own personality and he as natural as possible. Because like in the self-help world they expect you to "fake it before you make it." Eventually you'll be the sort of person girls want to be around, the more success you have with them.

But they don't teach very well how to get over that hump, because that's not what the PUA world is geared toward teaching.

"So your only exits are to pump and dump or try to affect a personality change in yourself to appease her. In which case, best of luck"

There are other exits, for instance trying something besides the pick-up world."

This prompts a question that I have for PUA's and Alpha's:

Say, a time comes when women in general don't find "Alpha" traits attractive. Ask yourself: would you still act as an Alpha if you had the knowledge that woman were repulsed by such traits.


Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 6:37 PM  

@94-"the revolution isn't ahead of us, it's behind us"

That sounds like the Revolution Was by Garet Garrett, an essay collected in the People's Pottage, sold currently as Ex America, I believe.

"the book talks about the excited, ambitious young people flocking to Washington D.C. to begin building the bureaucracy that would control more of American life, communist-style"

That doesn't. There might be some of that in John T. Flynn's the Roosevelt Myth. Otherwise, I don't know what book you're thinking of.

Blogger tublecane October 28, 2017 6:45 PM  

@95-"I used to think that women were more interested in relationships, and men are more interested in the physical"

They are. That's a very useful guideline for the difference between men and women, though I usually express it as women are into people, men are into things.

"That, however is likely a load of horse poo."

Why? Because women responded after you improved your appearance? Whoever said women aren't attracted the physical expression of masculinity? They have eyes and libidos.

Nothing about the fact that they're more interested in relationships implies they're uninterested in looks. They want relationships with the best men and to compete with fellow women over them. That's their nature. Physicality is part of it, just less a part than it is with men.

Blogger liberranter October 28, 2017 7:46 PM  

The saddest aspect of this story?

Exactly ZE-RO other women will read it, heed it, and take steps to avoid winding up in the author's shoes.

Lemmings, all of them.

Blogger liberranter October 28, 2017 8:14 PM  

I just read the linked article, and came away from it with "nothing new under the sun here."

The aging spinster is as stereotypical of British culture as the cowboy is of American culture. The only difference between this woman and her antecedent of a century ago is that her antecedent was in large part the result of a demographic holocaust: most of the men who could have been her potential husband were wiped out in The Great War*.

This 21st Century model, however, is suffering from wounds of her own making, on the receiving end of the lesson that "yes, Virginia, there ARE lasting consequences to your choices and behaviors." Given her age, she came of adulthood in the early 80s, part of the final stage of the Boomers (she and I are in the same age cohort). She is without a doubt typicak of the young women of that age group from the UK, most of which loudly and clearly expressed revulsion at the very idea of marriage and scoffed at the idea of relationships being anything other than temporary and for the purpose of satisfying one's own immediate wants. She was no doubt warned by her elders (and even a few of her wiser peers) on multiple occasions of where that would lead her and how unpleasant the destination would be. However, being a woman (i.e., having no grasp of cause and effect or the ability to think beyond the present), she not only didn't listen, but doubled down on her current course. Now the journey has come to a desolate end, one that has her arriving at her own acreage of lonely wasteland that will be hers and hers alone to tend until the day she dies.

Her antecedents at least had extended family or social connections to make the spinster life a little easier to bear. Sadly, those days (and the social customs that characterized them) are long gone.

(* I've always wondered why these single English women didn't emigrate after the war to Australia, Canada, Oceania, South Africa, the U.S., or other locations where there were plenty of men who could have wifed them up. Maybe they didn't mind spinsterhood as much as we've been led to believe, or maybe, more likely, most of them really KNEW that they truly weren't wife material in the first place).

Blogger The Kurgan October 28, 2017 8:42 PM  

If you can't get laid in London you can't get laid anywhere.

Anonymous Anonymous October 28, 2017 8:54 PM  

At the risk of embarasing myself I have had the misfortune to chase women like this. Yes this is due to my own issues (working on). Its not because she's fat, it's not because she can't find a man, it's not because her standards only include male model astronaut actors. It's because she's a sadist pure and simple. She LOVES humilating and degrading men and only doubles down on this need as men give her less and less attension. I bet you a million dollars the few poor souls who actually tried to make anything happen with this person were not only visciously rejected but followed arround by this bitch so she could reject again and again and agian and again. It's a sick game I have seen more than once and yes it's primarily played by sub 6es.

Blogger Roger Hill October 28, 2017 9:05 PM  

This woman sounds rather proud of being an undesirable human being.

Blogger liberranter October 28, 2017 9:59 PM  

This woman sounds rather proud of being an undesirable human being.

That would make her a feminist (surprise, surprise). That's one of their primary traits.

Anonymous RedJack October 28, 2017 10:09 PM  

Some did come over. The Matriarch of my wife's family came from England in the 20's. She somehow ended up in the Dakota's, married a veteran American, and built a life.

Anonymous Athor Pel October 28, 2017 10:14 PM  

"97. Mangrove_Throat_Warbler October 28, 2017 6:30 PM
...
Say, a time comes when women in general don't find "Alpha" traits attractive. Ask yourself: would you still act as an Alpha if you had the knowledge that woman were repulsed by such traits. "



You're a chick. You get no say in what is or is not masculine.

Your troll bait is poor and has no chili.

Blogger Lazarus October 28, 2017 10:33 PM  

Mangrove_Throat_Warbler wrote:Say, a time comes when women in general don't find "Alpha" traits attractive. Ask yourself: would you still act as an Alpha if you had the knowledge that woman were repulsed by such traits.



People don't "act" like alphas. They are or they are not. If women could actually change their nature, then the definition of alpha would change, but woman are the same as they ever were, and will continue to be.

Blogger Thucydides October 29, 2017 12:34 AM  

Tangental, but quite funny regardless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEWnXmDfVZg

Anonymous The way and the truth and the life October 29, 2017 1:25 AM  

Brad Matthews wrote:The way and the truth and the life wrote:The Bible teaches it's best not to marry (Matthew 19:12). However, while Paul prefers Christians to remain single and celibate, he understands most people are weaklings so everyone should have his own wife lest he sins. (The power of Christ enables one to remain single and celibate, though.)

From beginning to end, the Bible makes absolutely no such claim. Matt 19:12 is in response to his answer about divorce. They didn't like it. Basically, holy shit, if we can't divorce our wives for another women anytime we want without committing adultery, maybe it's better not to marry in the first place. Jesus gives the example of a few for who that is true: the eunuch born that way, made that way, and one who chooses to be celibate for the kingdom. He in absolutely no way endorses celibacy over marriage.

To take one of Paul's quotes out of context of the rest of scripture is the surest way to know your interpretation of it is incorrect.


Well, it does, actually. This is also what our host understands it says [1][2]. Augustine was aware of this as well (De bono viduitatis, XXVIII; De bono conjugali, X.) Otto Weininger has an interesting take on this in Sex and Character, he was Jewish and converted to Christianity before killing himself.

Without a doubt, it means that for a Christian, there are more important things than chasing women. Certainly, "being alone" is not a problem for a Christian. As Nicolás Gómez Dávila wrote in one of his aphorisms:

To be a Christian is to not be alone, no matter the solitude that surrounds us..

So this lefts us with propagating one's kind. But this should only be done if you are capable and of good genes, as it was prior to the industrial revolution. See Gregory Clark's work, and Vox Day's theory-to-civilization. This is why this PUA stuff certainly has some dysgenic implications. There are men (and women) who in the past simply would not reproduce, and this was for the better. In Bruce Charlton's Genius Famine (available for free on blogspot), he also makes a similar case, partly based on Clark's work, if I recall correctly.

[1]: https://voxday.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-milright-is-inevitable.html#c3855529057399126139
[2]: https://voxday.blogspot.com/2005/10/mailvox-marriage-and-biblical-ideal.html

Blogger Akulkis October 29, 2017 2:35 AM  

@97

Say, a time comes when women in general don't find "Alpha" traits attractive. Ask yourself: would you still act as an Alpha if you had the knowledge that woman were repulsed by such traits."

Question's presumptions contradict each other, therefore, there is no answer, as the question isn't even a valid conditional.

Blogger Doom October 29, 2017 5:41 AM  

"Say, a time comes... ...woman were repulsed by such trait." (sic all over the place)

Hmm? Oh but they are, as individuals and logically. That actually enhances my interest in my own version of said behavior. Heck, you hate your own responses to it, attractive enough for a shot or not. And yet you ask. Go have a few, smile, wear high heels or your worst best and enjoy, if secular. You suck at game theory, but you already know it doesn't matter.

Blogger wreckage October 29, 2017 6:55 AM  

"A lot of the males here talk about the qualities they want in a wife, like they were shopping for a car. You almost fall asleep reading their trite mewlings."

Married by my mid-20's, two kids. Your attempt at disqualification is adorable. Who's a cute little cynic then? Smoochy smoochy smoo?

Anonymous Anonymous October 29, 2017 7:50 AM  

"I am gregarious, have loads of interests, work out, have good dress sense "

She is, in short, everything that a woman could possibly want in a man.

Anonymous c matt October 30, 2017 10:40 AM  

That's like saying that if there are 5 men, all equally handsome, the one with the ability to play wargames has the edge. It's simply not even relevant.

Simply not true - it would be like saying 5 guys equally handsome, but one has carpentry skills, knows how to wire an outlet, fix a car, or any other number of skills that are useful to both parties in a marriage. And when teotwawki hits, wargaming may actually be useful.

Anonymous Richard Lang October 30, 2017 11:28 PM  

Friday, 3 November 2017 at 10am.

If you want all kinds of STDs and HPV, be my guest.

Post a Comment

Rules of the blog
Please do not comment as "Anonymous". Comments by "Anonymous" will be spammed.

<< Home

Newer Posts Older Posts