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Tuesday, November 14, 2017

More convergence in comics

G.I. JOE IS BACK! In the wake of IDW’s Revolution crossover event, G.I. JOE’s mission has become a global one–they aren’t just Real American Heroes, they’re Real Earth Heroes.

I know the physical standards for the U.S. military have been relaxed, but that's just ridiculous. GI Joe is now selling less than 5k copies per month. Quelle surprise. And on a not entirely related note:

Yesterday, Bleeding Cool reported that the DC Rebirth ongoing titles would be moving to a plot-art-script production system rather than the more common plot-script-art system, in order to give the lead artists on titles a greater control over storytelling. It is often known as the “Marvel Method” after its adoption by Stan Lee to speed his work in the sixties, even though it is hardly used at Marvel Comics anymore. A Marvel insider tells Bleeding Cool.

The Marvel method can actually be more time-consuming if you are not used to it. And given DC’s penchant for editorial input, makes changes harder as they will be caught later in the pencils.

It means there must be a level of trust between writer, artist and editor. Everyone needs to be on the same page going in. Lots of discussion beforehand. And once you commit to a plot, the editor knows that the artist will, of course, add their own interpretation to things. The editor has to be a little more free-wheeling, knowing there will be less time for corrections.

This was used in the 70s to push through stories they knew would be controversial. Turn it in at the last minute and no one has time to make corrections. They’ll have to publish as it is or miss shipping.

So, DC has not only hired Marvel's leading SJW, but has switched to a system that is known for its utility in pushing through stories they know will be controversial. This disruption is not only going to be glorious, it is going to be at least an order of magnitude bigger than anyone is currently anticipating.

UPDATE: DC is in disarray and it promises to get worse:
In the wake of the Batman group not having had a group editor for some time now, the DC New Age Of Heroes line being significantly delayed, the Superman group losing its head with no obvious replacement, and the holidays upon us, something at DC Comics is going to give. I am told to expect delays, cancellations, postponements in waves.

I get reports of increased stress, arguments, and an impending sense of doom within the company — tempered somewhat by the belief that DC did the right thing. There was plenty of objection towards Eddie internally within the company, as much as there were people who considered him a friend.

However, it may also be an opportunity for those who can to step up and prove themselves. Rebecca Taylor is now editing Metal rather than co-editing with Berganza, and no one doubts her ability to keep that event on the tracks. Others may seize upon the chance to show exactly what they can do, unburdened with the knowledge that certain creators won’t refuse to work for them.
Of course, if they were capable, they wouldn't have needed old grabby hands to do the work for them in the first place.

Labels: ,

141 Comments:

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 1:49 PM  

That's a fake one right?

One of these absolutely must be.

Blogger Cecil Henry November 14, 2017 1:51 PM  


Nobody is more inferior than those who insist on being equal.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Blogger VD November 14, 2017 1:51 PM  

It's not fake. I didn't believe it myself, so I went to the IDW site to confirm it. It's real.

Anonymous Crew November 14, 2017 1:51 PM  

What are the knee pads for? Just asking.

Blogger Nate November 14, 2017 1:52 PM  

That is not a real cover. It can't be

Anonymous A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Cents November 14, 2017 1:55 PM  

I know the physical standards for the U.S. military have been relaxed, but that's just ridiculous.

What? I'm sure that Yeti are well adapted to cold and wet weather. It makes perfect sense.

Blogger Phillip George November 14, 2017 1:56 PM  

Hijab Barbie in today's news.
Quell surprise. The short list is what isn't burning to the ground. Does the list have anything on it?

Blogger Rashadjin November 14, 2017 1:58 PM  

So...the production pipeline that's notorious for making terrible stories in video games and has an even earlier history in comics is being revisited by the geniuses running DC?

I'm going with Vox on this one. Games get away with it by pretending story doesn't matter, only the gameplay. The same move in comics is catastrophically dumb when prettier pictures are a click away.

OpenID ar10308 November 14, 2017 1:59 PM  

Wow!
Her GI Joe Codename:

"Dependa"

Blogger Student in Blue November 14, 2017 1:59 PM  

@4. Crew
What are the knee pads for? Just asking.

According to my time in the military, it's used for attaining a promotion.

Anonymous A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Cents November 14, 2017 1:59 PM  

@4 Crew
What are the knee pads for? Just asking.

Safety. Just safety gear. Although why a Yeti would be wearing them is not explained.

Blogger Darwinian Arminian November 14, 2017 1:59 PM  

Judging from the cover, this must be the "special issue" of G. I. Joe in which The Fridge gets a sex change.

Anonymous BBGKB November 14, 2017 2:00 PM  

They seem to have confused crossover covers. That's the squatmonster her power is squatting out zerglings.

Anonymous FP November 14, 2017 2:00 PM  

Roadblock gets a sex change. See her courageous story in this month's issue. Film at 11.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:01 PM  

"The Crown Jewel of the Hasbro Universe"?

That's like My Little Pony's tagline of "Friendship is Magic" changing to...

"The First Choice of Bronies."

Unsettling.

Anonymous p-dawg November 14, 2017 2:02 PM  

So *that's* what Snake Eyes looks like without the mask...

Blogger Michael Neal November 14, 2017 2:02 PM  

Fucking hilarious, they are making comedy about themselves without even realizing it.

Anonymous GI JoMama November 14, 2017 2:03 PM  

Don't be dissin' diversity, suckahs!

Anonymous Killua November 14, 2017 2:03 PM  

"What are we doing in the artic?"

"We are looking for the frozen body of Leonardo Dicaprio. He got frozen at the end of Titanic. We want him to appear in a commercial on global warming"

Blogger Michael Neal November 14, 2017 2:07 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:07 PM  

No seriously. What in the actual...I mean sweet Snake Eyes...what does GI Joe do with that? Try to sink it?

Could they at least have hired Alt☆Hero to do the artwork? They would have at least attached the leg to its body in away that didn't make it look like a turret. I mean -- Zeus! -- it walks at a 90-degree angle from the direction it points!

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener November 14, 2017 2:11 PM  

Chiki briki, cannot miss such target!

Anonymous Iacobus November 14, 2017 2:11 PM  

This cover is awful. And by awful, I mean foxtrotting terrible. lol

Seriously, who is she supposed to be? What's the character's name? "Ring Ding Grrl?"

Anonymous DissidentRight November 14, 2017 2:11 PM  

Speechless...

Blogger jaericho November 14, 2017 2:12 PM  

wtf? It's left leg isn't even drawn correctly.

Anonymous GunShowTrash November 14, 2017 2:12 PM  

This is a sign of The End Times. MY EYES! MY EYES!

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:15 PM  

Come to think of it, GI Joe already destroyed this massive world-eating blob by throwing apples at it.

Yes, dammit. You read that right.

YO JOE!

Anonymous Athor Pel November 14, 2017 2:15 PM  

" 6. Anonymous A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Cents November 14, 2017 1:55 PM
I know the physical standards for the U.S. military have been relaxed, but that's just ridiculous.

What? I'm sure that Yeti are well adapted to cold and wet weather. It makes perfect sense. "



Manatee. That's a manatee. A manatee in dire need of her next donut meal. It's what she is pointing to in fact. A donut shop, run by eskimos.

Or it's a walrus. They like donuts too. They try to carry the donuts on their tusks but they keep falling off. They don't care. They just eat them where they fall.

I would say beluga whale but they're white so...

Anonymous Iacobus November 14, 2017 2:17 PM  

OK, so I found out that this is a "sub cover," which I'm assuming is an alternate cover for circulation? How does that work? Can anyone explain?

Because if I saw this cover, I'd run for the hills. The other covers for this issue aren't much better either. lol

Blogger jaericho November 14, 2017 2:19 PM  

I need to go look at some Frank Cho comics to wash that pic out of my brain.

Blogger Darwinian Arminian November 14, 2017 2:21 PM  

What's the character's name? "Ring Ding Grrrl?"


Nah, more likely it's just Martin Lawrence lending the Joes an assist from "Big Momma's Army."

Anonymous Sgt. York November 14, 2017 2:22 PM  

Since when are bandoliers worn like Persian-bazaar slave decor? (Not that she would even sell, but still..) And given her presumed (lack) of cardiovascular fitness, the shirt should read "obese makes deceased".

And how can she shamble with them(the bandoliers) on- wouldn't the thigh-friction cause the rounds to spontaneously cook-off up her shoggoth-cave?

This is what happens when SJWs try to do military scenes...

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:22 PM  

What are the knee pads for?

Just based on ergonomics, apparently blowing down a giant offensive statue in Oslo.

Blogger dc.sunsets November 14, 2017 2:23 PM  

What will happen when they "push through" something controversial enough to bring their entire firm to "full stop?"

I cannot wait for the "GI Jose Bacha Bazi story."

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:24 PM  

Perhaps this is the adaption of the original ending for At the Mountains of Madness that was believed to be too horrible at the time...

Anonymous Eli November 14, 2017 2:25 PM  

Huge G.I. Joe fan growing up. This pisses me off on what has become of the franchise. I'd love to see what Castalia house could do with the license.

Anonymous Denny November 14, 2017 2:25 PM  

It’s not like the fat xirs that they’re injecting into everything are going to start reading G.I. Joe. Who decided that pandering to people who don’t buy your product is a winning business strategy? The same people that gave Ta-Nehisi like five Black Panther books, the same idiots who thought nerds would like “America.” These are not smart people.

Blogger Desdichado November 14, 2017 2:29 PM  

Denny wrote:It’s not like the fat xirs that they’re injecting into everything are going to start reading G.I. Joe. Who decided that pandering to people who don’t buy your product is a winning business strategy? The same people that gave Ta-Nehisi like five Black Panther books, the same idiots who thought nerds would like “America.” These are not smart people.
What; you mean you're not excited for Marvel's We Wuz Kangz movie?

Blogger Shimshon November 14, 2017 2:30 PM  

There. Are. No. Words.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:31 PM  

OK, so I found out that this is a "sub cover," which I'm assuming is an alternate cover for circulation? How does that work? Can anyone explain?

Originally, alternate covers were done for high-selling books to juice "collectibility."

Now they are mostly done for crap books subsidized by their overall publisher or franchise as sort of A/B testing for new twisted ideas.

When Archie Comics shot Archie to death martyring himself to defend a gay wedding, they had alternate covers, just to see which one more perversely destroyed the legacy.

They simply aren't about sales anymore. They are a suicidal game of Virtue Signal Chicken.

Anonymous Brick Hardslab November 14, 2017 2:32 PM  

You people are deplorable. Making fun of a clearly retarded kid who can't put her prosthetic leg on right is cruel. She just wanted a make a wish deal because she's dying of obesity related issues.

OpenID doktorjeep November 14, 2017 2:32 PM  

Wait that cover is real?

Fire. Kill it with fire.

Blogger #7139 November 14, 2017 2:34 PM  

Man the harpoons!!!

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 2:41 PM  

I'd love to see what Castalia house could do with the license.

They don't need the license. There is no copyright on the U.S. soldier. GI Joe is not the trademark, and Hasbro didn't even apply for a trademark on the name until last month and its word mark is, specifically "G.I. JOE" all caps.

In other words, you could call your soldier guy "G.I. Joe" and because it was just an appropriation of an existing term (like Musketeer or Sergeant), there's no reason you couldn't have a team named that, as long as you steered clear of the logo.

Obviously, you could have no globalist Cobra Command as the enemy, as those are copyrighted. But you could have the Soros Snakes, complete with a Serpent Cult, and there's not a lot that could be done...

Interestingly, Hasbro trademarked the black-and-white logo, so they didn't trademark Red, White and Blue.

Blogger lowercaseb November 14, 2017 2:45 PM  

Tell me this isn't them trying to salt the earth before Alt-Hero launches.

In a way...it's kind of an inspired strategy. Destroy all interest in comics before the alternatives get a chance to launch.

The trouble is...that cover is so awful it almost wins. That cover is so describes everything that we fight against that it could be a "Why We Fight" poster to be hung in the Mighty Castalia Bullpen.

OpenID widlast November 14, 2017 2:48 PM  

After seeing that abomination we need a pic of Rebel to ease our eyes and cleanse the mind.

Blogger Dire Badger November 14, 2017 2:54 PM  

It's not about selling GI joe to the diversity magnets.

It's about trying to anchor themselves to guilty SJW's.

They just haven't gotten the message yet that White guilt is on it's way out... Their artists and writers have been carefully selected to maximize their own 'diversity value', so no one is going to tell 'the boss' that they need to be fired.

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener November 14, 2017 2:58 PM  

Wait, are those supposed to be ammunition belts wrapped around Shakwonda Shemale's legs?

Blogger Howard Stone November 14, 2017 2:58 PM  

@VFM6306, or just go with American Heroes.

Blogger Howard Stone November 14, 2017 3:02 PM  

@Noah, no I think they’re insulin for her diabetes, I don’t see any guns.

Anonymous E Deploribus Unum November 14, 2017 3:02 PM  

The other problem is the bandoliers are two-dimensional. If you look the profile of its T-Rex thigh, there's no depth to them. How it might go about accessing its 2D ammunition supply with no fingernails is the real miracle here, although the inner thigh friction comment is also very much on point.

Blogger roughcoat November 14, 2017 3:04 PM  

Saw this on Twitter earlier.

I'm curious why they're wearing magazine pouches but don't actually have guns.

The bandoleers---or possibly very poorly drawn ammo belts---strapped around chunk style's legs make even less sense than that.

And look at those hands! Holy shit. I wouldn't want to thumb wrestle xir.

The cover is so bad, and the fatty is so ugly (ignoring the weird legs) that it almost makes me think the artist is sabotaging the project on purpose.

Anonymous E Deploribus Unum November 14, 2017 3:06 PM  

The cover is so bad, and the fatty is so ugly (ignoring the weird legs) that it almost makes me think the artist is sabotaging the project on purpose.

His editor was his model.

Anonymous A Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Cents November 14, 2017 3:07 PM  

@47 Dire Badger
It's not about selling GI joe to the diversity magnets.
It's about trying to anchor themselves to guilty SJW's.


Sure, because that's worked in colleges and big companies where parasites can exist for years. Just overhead. With comix they have to produce something that normal boys and men will buy. There's not enough money in SJW hands to keep Marvel and DC afloat by themselves, they need normals. They've gotten by because "no alternative". That's gonna change.

Alt☆Hero is to converged comix as Ferrari is to Trabant.

Blogger Longtime Lurker November 14, 2017 3:09 PM  

Fugly. Just Fugly.

Blogger Desdichado November 14, 2017 3:10 PM  

VFM #6306 wrote:They don't need the license. There is no copyright on the U.S. soldier. GI Joe is not the trademark, and Hasbro didn't even apply for a trademark on the name until last month and its word mark is, specifically "G.I. JOE" all caps.

In other words, you could call your soldier guy "G.I. Joe" and because it was just an appropriation of an existing term (like Musketeer or Sergeant), there's no reason you couldn't have a team named that, as long as you steered clear of the logo.

Obviously, you could have no globalist Cobra Command as the enemy, as those are copyrighted. But you could have the Soros Snakes, complete with a Serpent Cult, and there's not a lot that could be done...

Curiously, the idea is older than GI Joe. When Hasbro came to Marvel and asked them to help develop a line for their toys, Larry Hama dusted off an idea that was on the shelf for Nick Fury and Fury Force and SHIELD vs. HYDRA. He reskinned it slightly and we got the GI Joe characters vs. COBRA.

In a very real sense, The Winter Soldier movie is what GI Joe should have been.

Blogger tz November 14, 2017 3:13 PM  

As things get worse...

I can remember the cartoons of my childhood and the comics, even the anime were fairly detailed and precise. Prince Valliant was perhps the most detailed. Some other lighter ones were thinner, but still tried for some detail. This was without CAD systems or computers.

You can trace the decay. I don't remember when they stopped doing shading regularly. Or when the cartoons became flat. But even recently, something like Batman Beyond had some detail (and plots), then the original Teen Titans was weaker but still attempted things. Teen Titans Go! is worse than most storyboards. Looking at the artwork above, I don't know what to say other than they should pin it to the refrigerator with a participation star.

Even on this level, the test sketches for Alt*Hero are so much better.

One deep problem with SJWs and convergence is the assumption it is "the thought that counts". The intent. But other than the virtue signal local loop, no one can know intent, or can somehow see the Norman Rockwell detail of these ordinary General Intestinal Eck-Joe Warriors. Or all the kumbayah conference room chatter about anything which might be an interesting backstory. It isn't there because the publisher is the only one who can imagine it and then only if asked why everything about the comic is a slowly burning compost heap.

Honestly, I'm still not sure if the three depicted are Joe or Cobra or whomever the enemy is - I'd say the former only based on the black fat apparently woman. But if it wasn't P-o-colorized?

The return of Captain Planet?

Anonymous Steve Canyon November 14, 2017 3:14 PM  

GI Joe #21 was one of the greatest comics I read as a kid. Not one word of dialogue. This isn't GI Joe. This is Captain Planet with trigglypuff in an N3 parka and 5.11 tactical gear.

Blogger tz November 14, 2017 3:15 PM  

@44 We could call it Mongoose instead of Cobra.

Blogger daddynichol November 14, 2017 3:24 PM  

"The All-You-Can-Eat buffet is right over there!" she exclaimed. Meanwhile, her team mates realized she was simply refueling for another night of farts.

Blogger Desdichado November 14, 2017 3:31 PM  

tz wrote:@44 We could call it Mongoose instead of Cobra.
Everybody likes a plucky, furry little Mongoose, though. They don't come across as very villainous.

Anonymous Zippy November 14, 2017 3:33 PM  

Well, looks like the Toad of Tor has found a modeling job. Good for her!

Blogger Howard Stone November 14, 2017 3:35 PM  

Come on! Santa’s workshop is just beyond that snow drift! We’re going cancel Christmas this year!

Anonymous kfg November 14, 2017 3:35 PM  

The Mongoose Squad would be the group of good guys formed to wipe out the pit of Vipers.

Anonymous Imperator November 14, 2017 3:37 PM  

I can't stop laughing when I see this cover! It looks worse than the OSI from Venture Bros. and those guys were a parody.

Anonymous CarpeOro November 14, 2017 3:38 PM  

You can almost get lost in the ugliness of the foreground character (not a past reader of GI Joe, but did the real characters wear shirts that said "The Might of Right"?). Look at the background characters. Is the one with bare arms an alien, or is that simply the worst drawing of a human arm every? Three lumps form an arm? Really?

Anonymous kfg November 14, 2017 3:43 PM  

" . . .did the real characters wear shirts that said "The Might of Right"?"

https://i0.wp.com/joebattlelines.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/16403295_1333835300010440_3544621834656444530_o.jpg

Blogger Cubby8126 November 14, 2017 3:44 PM  

It should be called the SJW method.

Blogger Dave November 14, 2017 3:44 PM  

"C'mon guys, our mobility scooters are right over here!"

Blogger Darwinian Arminian November 14, 2017 3:47 PM  

@44
VFM #6306 wrote: Obviously, you could have no globalist Cobra Command as the enemy, as those are copyrighted. But you could have the Soros Snakes, complete with a Serpent Cult, and there's not a lot that could be done . . .

If they did this then we'd have the Joes versus the Joos.

Blogger Nate November 14, 2017 3:48 PM  

wait...

Does the fat creature on the cover actually have ammo belts wrapped around its legs???

Blogger GPMark November 14, 2017 3:50 PM  

Her magic lasso is a little limp too...

Anonymous krymneth November 14, 2017 3:54 PM  

I found this song came to mind after reading this post, for the lyrics. Which are quite appropriate.

(The Mamas and the Papas "Trip, Stumble, and Fall", for those of you who know what that is.)

Blogger Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club November 14, 2017 3:58 PM  

"In This Issue: The members of M.E.A.T. (Mutants & Endomorphs Allied in Torpor) battle congestive heart failure and heavy wheezing in . . . TRIGLYCERIDE TERROR!"

Anonymous Looking Glass November 14, 2017 3:59 PM  

@71 Nate

Yes, yes it does.

And everyone's fingers should be frozen as well.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 4:05 PM  

She's a model.

Airplane.

Blogger DonReynolds November 14, 2017 4:06 PM  

Oh Good Grief.
G.I. Joe has become Captain Planet.
Does Ted Turner and Jane Fonda's influence extend even the comic book giants?
Who will be the new Space Ghost?

Blogger TheMaleRei November 14, 2017 4:07 PM  

Pure madness.

Who owns IDW? IDW holding company, which is a subsidiary of Zedge Ltd, which is a subsidiary of IDT Capital, Inc., which is a subsidiary of IDT Corporation, which is, according to Bloomberg, "primarily in the telecommunications and payment industries in the United States and internationally."

Man Alive, do the Editors of IDW think that the various parent-organizations will endlessly pour money for their tripe?

Sadly I think they might be right...

Blogger Junius Stone November 14, 2017 4:07 PM  

No special ops soldier would ever look like that. Ever. No servicemember would ever look like that, even, and not remain in service.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 4:09 PM  

Does the fat creature on the cover actually have ammo belts wrapped around its legs???

Yes, Nate. How else is her vagina supposed to autofeed?

Blogger TheMaleRei November 14, 2017 4:09 PM  

Wait, wait, I've got it!

It's all to avert the fabled "Male Gaze" - the same reason why the various female characters look so unappealing in Mass Effect: Andromeda.

And to make fat fucks feel better about themselves. "You too can be an elite SOCOM operator! So Elite you don't need proper protective gear of any kind!"

Blogger Mr.MantraMan November 14, 2017 4:12 PM  

She could stop a Dodge Challenger with that black body

Anonymous Claymore November 14, 2017 4:22 PM  

Heyba manba, Fat Albert sees somthinba on the otherba sideba of the junkyardba.

Anonymous tublecane November 14, 2017 4:31 PM  

I know nothing about the comic world, but last night I was watching a Batman: the Killing Joke cartoon movie from last year. Mostly because I remember enjoying Batman: the Animated Series as a kid, and this looked similar. I happen to know that it's based on one of them darker, more adult comics from the 80s, but knew nothing else going in.

The entire first act was painfully obviously new material about the love life of Batgirl. It didn't match up with the main story at all, and I presume was included for reasons of character development before she gets to be a plot device to bring Batman and the Joker to a head.

They have her hard-up, with the hots for the Bat. The two of them have a rooftop quickie, which she describes to her flamingly queer buddy in terms of fireworks. The Bat doesn't call her back, so she gets pissy and violently assaults a noncommittal male she passes by.

Basically, it's all woman feelz for no reason. Not that they do an SJW version of female psychology. She's recognizably human. It's just why am I watching a Dawson's Creek version of Batgirl? Simply having her be Commissioner Gordon's daughter and Batman's protege would be enough. No need for all the female melodrama before you jump into the main story.

At least she was attractive. They gave her t&a.

Blogger James Dixon November 14, 2017 4:33 PM  

> Who decided that pandering to people who don’t buy your product is a winning business strategy?

Oh, the NFL, ESPN, Kellogg, etc. Really, too many to name.

> Everybody likes a plucky, furry little Mongoose, though.

Rikki! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C43I68/

Though cats are almost as good: http://www.escape-suspense.com/files/Suspense.1957.01.06.ShipmentOfMuteFate.mp3

Anonymous fop November 14, 2017 4:37 PM  

Cobra could just place a bucket of chicken on a land mine and she's finished.

Anonymous Brick Hardslab November 14, 2017 4:42 PM  

Maybe she's a dependopotomus? She's just there to hunt for her next meal ticket.

Anonymous A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Deplorable Cents November 14, 2017 4:46 PM  

@71 Nate
Does the fat creature on the cover actually have ammo belts wrapped around its legs???

Vials of insulin and tourniquets, in case of gangrene.

Anonymous A Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Cents November 14, 2017 4:48 PM  

@52
I'm curious why they're wearing magazine pouches but don't actually have guns.

Not mag pouches, carriers for vape pipes.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer November 14, 2017 4:50 PM  

The ultimate aim is to destroy the franchises. To first make them ridiculous, and then euthanize them. Thus eliminating competing world views.

Blogger Howard Stone November 14, 2017 4:50 PM  

It’s not ammo it’s her Army issued hormone pills.

Blogger The Observer November 14, 2017 4:54 PM  

Seriously, are they trying to make it easy for us?

Playing's no fun when the other side throws the game.

Blogger tuberman November 14, 2017 4:57 PM  

The Observer wrote:Seriously, are they trying to make it easy for us?

Playing's no fun when the other side throws the game.


I dunno, humiliating bullies is an art form in itself.

Blogger Brad Matthews November 14, 2017 4:59 PM  

Umm, that's actually a pretty accurate portrayal.
She's pointing out the DFAC.

Anonymous Lard of the Dance November 14, 2017 5:02 PM  

What's wrong with you people, don't you know a clogging group when you see one?

Blogger Daniel November 14, 2017 5:03 PM  

Mc Rapey's enforcer?

Blogger Stilicho November 14, 2017 5:09 PM  

G.I. Juggalo

Blogger Student in Blue November 14, 2017 5:10 PM  

@79. Junius Stone
No servicemember would ever look like that, even, and not remain in service.

Unfortunately, I have seen some, and they were still in service. Had been for a while.

There's ways to game the system, and it's disgusting.

Blogger Silly but True November 14, 2017 5:21 PM  

As of 2016 1 in 10 Army soldiers are clinically obese - a BMI in excess of 25.

Next is AF. Then Navy. Marines have least but still count 4,800 in excess of regulation.

Maybe Shawkanda is transfit?

Anonymous Steve November 14, 2017 5:24 PM  

Caption: To The Panera Bread!

Blogger DJ | AMDG November 14, 2017 5:25 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Demonic Professor El November 14, 2017 5:26 PM  

G.I. Slow, amirite?

"Why do the deplorable COBRAS keep getting away," Duke asked, out of breath and holding onto his stomach, hoping his type-2 diabetes wasn't ticking off from the exertion.

Dependa coughs and breathes heavily, holding her knees.

"Must be magic," said Duke.

All the other Joes agreed - COBRA had harnessed toxic whiteness into magical powers.

Blogger Were-Puppy November 14, 2017 5:28 PM  

Xhe is a Trans-Were-Whale codename: Blubber

The issue is about how GI Joe is defending Trans-Fats from discrimination, Transogny, and Chub shaming.

Anonymous DaveInjustice November 14, 2017 5:28 PM  

"Marvel's We Wuz Kangz movie"

Exactly my thoughts seeing the preview. Though in general the movies noticeably pander to lower class audiences. Just the characters, stories, speech patterns. Ass! Coming to theater near you!

"Her right legs isn't drawn right"

It's a prosthetic. She lost it in combat. With diabetes.

Anonymous VFM42 November 14, 2017 5:29 PM  

Her name is Salvo (really!) and she can bench press more than all of you (that too!). She is tougher than any man and taller (apparently). So there with your toxic masculinity.

Look thru issue #5 she saves the day and then has more of an imprint thein #6. I gave up about halfway thru too painful.

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener November 14, 2017 5:34 PM  

Here's what GI Joe comics used to look like. The comparative lack of poz is striking.

Anonymous 7817 November 14, 2017 5:35 PM  

The boots don't look right. They are at such an odd angle.

The SJW's were complaining about the hands in Alt Hero but they can't even get boots right.

Blogger Silly but True November 14, 2017 5:35 PM  

Justice League's own Queen of Speed tries to get Gal Gadot to shout "Hetero-patriarchy your wrath upon this world is over," and even she thinks it's gay, but still somewhat obliges;
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/gal-gadot-warns-misognyst-sexists-time-is-up-1057597

Blogger Student in Blue November 14, 2017 5:37 PM  

@99. Silly but True
As of 2016 1 in 10 Army soldiers are clinically obese - a BMI in excess of 25.

Let's be honest here though - the BMI of Big Fatty on the cover is waaaay over 25. And BMI isn't exactly a reliable indicator of fitness or bodyfat%.

Blogger WynnLloyd November 14, 2017 5:40 PM  

Dragon Age: Awakening was pathetic. I'm happy I didn't go past ME 1.

Blogger TheMaleRei November 14, 2017 5:45 PM  

@108

I saw that through Sargon of Akkad... All I could think was:

"The end of the West" and "What the f*ck did I just watch?"

Yes, even Gal Gadot thought, and I can't confirm but - "What a f*cking waste of skin this thing is sitting across from me."

It is my hope she said what she said to keep the peace rather than actual endorsement...

Blogger tuberman November 14, 2017 5:47 PM  

You people are having fun now, but if you actually ran into such Heroes in real life your laughter would disarm you, and some of you might go into full spasms. Insidious!

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 5:50 PM  

Issue 5 synopsis--

MONSTERS! G.I. JOE has fought Cobra, the Dreadnoks and more, but never before have they faced a threat like this: Gigantic, heaving abominations crawling up from the depths of the Earth itself. As teams of Joes struggle to respond to the unpredictable attacks, Scarlett must decide what to do with the enemy in the team’s midst. Plus, the G.I. JOE leader reveals a troubling secret to her second-in-command, Roadblock.

***

I imagine that the secret is she ate Dusty Rhodes.

Blogger Silly but True November 14, 2017 6:01 PM  

@Blue:
True. I tried to look "how much over are those that are over" but apparently that's classified top secret for national security so we won't know just how bad of shape we're in.

Anonymous VFM #6306 November 14, 2017 6:01 PM  

The original Salvo.

Blogger Cataline Sergius November 14, 2017 6:06 PM  

Aubrey Sitterson is the guy who is destroying GI Joe.

The sales died because of his SJW bullshit and it looked like he was just going to be let go at the end of his current contract.

And then he saved himself by pissing off the Right Wing on Twitter.

It was something like, "if you weren't living in NYC during 9/11 you have no business observing it."

The SJWs at The MarySue leaped into doubledown mode in his defense.

Suffice to say, GI Joe sales went down even further and now Sitterson is feeling bullet proof.

Blogger Astalnar November 14, 2017 6:38 PM  

Just looking at that cover makes me so glad I backed Alt-Hero.

Never read any comics as a child myself beyond Asterix & Obelix, and Lucky Luke, but I'd hate to see the day where my future offsprings might one day be exposed to such dreck as is Marvel and DC.

Better to prevent than to cure.

Blogger Ken Prescott November 14, 2017 7:12 PM  

It's the new GI JOE character, Dependapotamus!

Anonymous A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Deplorable Cents November 14, 2017 7:24 PM  

As a person of testosterone I demand a new rework of this comic featuring a strong, bold, adventure seeking woman who deals out justice to miscreants with her 2 meter brass metal pole. While dancing.

I demand GIHo, and I demand her now!

Blogger Lovekraft November 14, 2017 7:26 PM  

We are getting to the point, people, where we don't even need to investigate further as to the level of SJWness in these products.

I don't know about you, but I can pretty much spot them in an instant. A sixth sense, if you will.

Now I'm off to put my Thor: Ragnarok review up on IMDB. Don't think it's going to be pretty.

Blogger The Observer November 14, 2017 7:37 PM  

We are getting to the point, people, where we don't even need to investigate further as to the level of SJWness in these products.

I don't know about you, but I can pretty much spot them in an instant. A sixth sense, if you will.


I'm trying to come up with a snappy word to sum it up neatly like what "gaydar" is, but I'm coming short.

Still, with all the blackpills of late, that should only make the Dark Lord's upcoming announcement this week all the sweeter. At least, I think he said in two Darkstreams ago there would be one.

Anonymous Laz November 14, 2017 7:45 PM  

@119. A Most Deplorable Paradigm Is More Than Twenty Deplorable Cents

"...a strong, bold, adventure seeking woman who deals out justice to miscreants with her 2 meter brass metal pole."

Does the pole have a pair of big brass balls on the end?

Blogger dvdivx November 14, 2017 8:13 PM  

It looks like someone entered the comic publishing business right on time. Only big independent I know of is dark horse. I'm sure they are converged if they're still around.

Blogger Matthew Funk November 14, 2017 8:43 PM  

Here is what gets me. A comic book character who is out of shape, but serves in a tech/support role is not detracting. But in addition to being out of shape, everything about this woman screams "mentally out of shape" as well. Any time I have seen someone present themselves like that, they are mentally deficient as well.

Blogger Cecil Henry November 14, 2017 8:46 PM  

The original SJW, feminist, and fighter for ‘equality”.

‘Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, whose the fairest of them all???’

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZHXJcp_oem9TC2ch3NkgHxCOFK9Iwo8MHtGH0MKiYrow7nTExIA

Anonymous a deplorable rubberducky November 14, 2017 10:15 PM  

That cover is real? Man, it is impossible to satirize that, I'll give them that. Beyond parody at this point.

Blogger John Bradley November 14, 2017 11:37 PM  

I'm trying to come up with a snappy word to sum it up neatly like what "gaydar" is, but I'm coming short.

SJ-dar.

Anonymous Jim Mortensen November 15, 2017 12:25 AM  

Assuming that the cover is at least slightly in good faith (and with the track record of Sitterson it is unlikely considering his infamous homo-erotic cover) it is committing the mistake that many sjws in the modern era and butch lesbians over the decades have fallen for - assuming that big (fat) automatically equates to strong/skilled/competent.

I assume linking youtube videos is ok. This is a classic one where a 100kg army chick declares she could beat any marine on the base in a boxing match...with predictable results.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRfCpQx_FDE

The funniest bit for me is how pissed the officers are about biology interfering with the army's established narrative.

Anonymous DF November 15, 2017 12:58 AM  

Definitely time to back the Alt-Hero hardcovers in addition. Sent you an email, Vox.

Anonymous Unamused Flyover Resident November 15, 2017 1:28 AM  

Fun's fun, but a BMI >25 isn't "clinically obese," it's "overweight," which is quite bad enough, TYVM.

"Obese" is a BMI >30

Sincerely,

- BMI 23

Anonymous Unamused Flyover Resident November 15, 2017 1:37 AM  

That ... thing, btw, is definitely a tranny - just look at those hands! - with a BMI well over 30.

Maybe even >35, i.e. "morbid obesity."

Blogger Resident Moron™ November 15, 2017 1:50 AM  

Fat dumb and stupid?

Aaaaaand .... it’s a feminist.

Blogger Scott C November 15, 2017 3:18 AM  

A GI Joe comic could be funny if it were satire. Like, if it took the most pathetic individuals in society and made heroes of them. But this is not satire.

Anonymous Mister M November 15, 2017 6:41 AM  

Saw this on Twitter: GIB (Gastro Intestinal Bypass) Joe.

Blogger tublecane November 15, 2017 7:49 AM  

@128-I'd guess he was taking it easy, but could be he's just completely untrained. Either way, that match wasn't even as close as it looks.

She could be a legitimate crazy person for all I know, so nevermind her. How could anyone else be in any doubt about the likely outcome? I go through life questioning whether I can take everyone I meet (as I assume is natural for my sex) and I don't remember once thinking I couldn't beat the crap out of every woman I've ever met.

Blogger Lovekraft November 15, 2017 8:03 AM  

@127:

SJ-dar.

I'm liking it!

OpenID widlast November 15, 2017 11:43 AM  

The boxing match was classic, gal got her ass handed to her!
The military REALLY needs to dump the PC nonsense, all it going to do is get a lot of womyn killed in combat that they will never be prepared for.

Anonymous Ham Solo November 15, 2017 5:00 PM  

>What are the knee pads for? Just asking.
Muff-diving gear.

Anonymous SanityClause November 15, 2017 9:15 PM  

Just so you know, the latest DC movie, Justice League, reviewed as "breathtakingly bad". Smells like opportunity.

Anonymous WaterBoy November 16, 2017 1:10 PM  

The Observer @121: "I'm trying to come up with a snappy word to sum it up neatly like what "gaydar" is, but I'm coming short."

Socianar (pronounced "soash-nahr") is to "sonar", as "gaydar" is to "radar".

Anonymous WaterBoy November 16, 2017 2:27 PM  

(And not to be confused with "shoahnar", which is used to detect certain other....(((echoes))).

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