Sunday, December 17, 2017

Moviegate: a review of THE LAST JEDI

Considering what the Star Wars movies cost to make, one almost wonders if Disney simply paid them all off. What other reason is there for them so thoroughly tongue-polishing what the fans are increasingly observing is a stinking SJW monstrosity:
This film is horrifically boring, disrespectful to its source material, painfully pedantic to hollow philosophy, and without any discernible heart for what makes Star Wars special. The flippant way the characters are handled distracts from the experience all the way to the end of the film. The humor is out of place and falls flat (George Lucas' prequel fart jokes were funnier).

I'm pretty sure the director was urinating on the fan base with that Leia scene (yes, you know the one) and the 'out of range' in a vacuum farce. Johnson completely disrespects everything Abrams built in Force Awakens, destroying great characters and interesting questions. Mark Hamil gives a stellar performance even as Johnson tanks the character into tit-suckling, Skype-kamikazi yogi. Yoda's awkward appearance gives us Johnson's patricidal philosophy that rejects the filial piety that infused earlier Star Wars source material, which is the same philosophy he gives Kylo Ren's character: we only have our identity insofar as we progress beyond our predecessors. As Yoda torches the Jedi sacred texts, so Rian throws the Star Wars series into this bonfire of a catastrophe.

Finally, a word about the critics. The universal critical acclaim for this movie is utter malpractice. There is no galaxy in which the pacing of this movie is acceptable, even if you agree with Johnson's subversive strategy (I get it critics, you go to a lot of movies and you are tired of Joseph Campbell's archetypes). The movie slowly meanders from empty motivation to empty motivation before giving us an empty hologram that disappears. You failed to assess this. Additionally, even though you may resent the Star Wars fandom for its enthusiasm and tradition, you should have the intellectual imagination to note that fans of the source material would be put off by what Johnson has done. I don't know if it's the big party, the media ownership reach, or the sub-par education the opulent years if the US gave us, but something force-skyped the brains of our critics to turn them off when reviewing this film.
I have to admit it, I am enjoying this. I despise all things SJW, but I particularly despise the SJW-corruptions of things I used to love. I intensely dislike things that disrespect their source material, and Disneyfication is now a byword for that contemptible form of disrespect.

Note that even when we published Corrosion as a parody of The Corroding Empire, what we published was a significant improvement on the original. To the extent that one can even use that term for anything that McRapey wrote.

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Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother December 17, 2017 11:12 AM  

At last they'll be able to rest on the laurels as the first people to fuck up a sure thing. The previous winner was the Federal Government trying to run a whore house.

Anonymous Looking Glass December 17, 2017 11:16 AM  

The YouTuber Angry Joe was hilarious on this. In the course of 24 hours, he went from giving the movie a 7/10 rating, with some issues with a few slow parts, to a 20+ point list of rage at the terrible stupidity of the movie.

Star Wars is a big spectacle & cultural event, which is why the hype can be real, but the payoff isn't there after you start thinking about the everything after Ep 1. That's going to catch up to them eventually, but they're more than happy to dump on cultural icons while profiting. And laughing at the people that just wanted to enjoy a good movie.

You can deal with Leftwing creatives, but once they started the post-modern nihilistic trends, they've gotten insufferable. All visuals and no soul, and a strong intent to destroy anything of value.

Blogger Brad Matthews December 17, 2017 11:17 AM  

I thought the Force Awakens was terrible. Not going to bother watching this one. Saw the original in theater in 77. Huge fan, still have all the action figures and toys. Strange how quickly everything has been perverted. Skipped school the day Return of the Jedi came out and watched it with my grandpa. Good times.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan December 17, 2017 11:21 AM  

Women ruin everything, if I were to pick up "Nibelungenlied" today and read a few chapters I would put it down because I know how it ends. They all die, because woman, because feelz.

Anonymous Nathan December 17, 2017 11:22 AM  

"The universal critical acclaim for this movie is utter malpractice."

A trend not limited to this movie.

Blogger VD December 17, 2017 11:22 AM  

The YouTuber Angry Joe was hilarious on this. In the course of 24 hours, he went from giving the movie a 7/10 rating, with some issues with a few slow parts, to a 20+ point list of rage at the terrible stupidity of the movie.

I put it up here. That's amusing, but not surprising.

Blogger Dr Caveman December 17, 2017 11:25 AM  

Go to IMDb to read user reviews and feel their anger and disappointment

Anonymous Looking Glass December 17, 2017 11:26 AM  

Though, for some hilarious fun:

On the Sunday, December 17th: 93% Critics / 56% Audience 40% Critics / 79% Audience

It's also a current user rating of 3.3/5 vs 4.1/5. (Currently, both have over 90k reviews.) Obviously, Star Wars will make a lot more money because people will go practically out of obligation, but there could be an all-time level drop for the 2nd week.

@6 VD

It's definitely not surprising, but I happened to see them pop up in my feed and it was funny to watch. Honestly, at this point, listening to people give reviews of movies is more enjoyable than more Hollywood output.

Though the first thing I picked up in the early reviews that this was going to be a hilarious chain reaction was the reviewers pretty much saying the female leaders were catastrophically incompetent, but it was supposed to be a good thing. Someone could have a field day with "The Strategic Incompetence of the New Republic".

Need some "Palpatine was Right" shirts, at this rate.

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 11:27 AM  

It just means the Alt-Right can now make the official Star Wars pre-post-whatever-quels.

Let the middle burn.

Anonymous Man of the Atom December 17, 2017 11:35 AM  

@8 Looking Glass
"Need some "Palpatine was Right" shirts, at this rate."

Palpatine Did Nothing Wrong

Blogger flyingtiger December 17, 2017 11:35 AM  

critics can be bought off. One writer said he was fired by Rolling Stone because he wrote a record review that claimed a a record was bad. He found out that if a record company buys advertising in the magazine, they expect good reviews.

Anonymous qualitycontrol December 17, 2017 11:36 AM  

I hope there is good meme material in that movie. We gotta mock the shit out of Mary Suewalker and her Resistance.

Anonymous Man of the Atom December 17, 2017 11:40 AM  

flyingtiger wrote:critics can be bought off. One writer said he was fired by Rolling Stone because he wrote a record review that claimed a a record was bad. He found out that if a record company buys advertising in the magazine, they expect good reviews.

Disney might buy RT and IMDB? Would not be surprised if that suddenly happened. The Mouse wants his cheese!

Anonymous Looking Glass December 17, 2017 11:43 AM  

@12 qualitycontrol

She apparently got depowered a good chunk and had nothing to do. This is, apparently, Kylo Ren's story. So for the whole "it's not about the Skywalkers!" cries... it's still about the Skywalkers.

@10 Man of the Atom

Much better.

On a more grander theme discussion of Star Wars, everything post-Return of the Jedi and the expanded universe stuff always produced what was always going to be the only solution to the Jedi issue. It's about "Self-Control". Light & Dark, in the SW universe, is a false dichotomy, which means the actual answer is that the Force is simply a great power, which requires self-control and restraint in its application.

The entire situation was always going to resolve like Spiderman.

Anonymous grey enlightenment December 17, 2017 11:54 AM  

I don't think it's possible for it to be worse than Episode 1, The Phantom Menace. All these movies are vehicles for leftist propaganda in one way or another.

Blogger tz December 17, 2017 12:03 PM  

Somewhere there is Palpatine with his hands out in an Al Franken pose.
Sequels - first tragedy, then farce, then ennui.
I keep coming back to "how to rule souls" speech by Ayn Rand's Ellsworth Toohey.
Enshrine mediocrity and all shrines are razed.

Blogger Cecil Henry December 17, 2017 12:06 PM  

You know a movie is bad when you roll your eyes.

Worse when you laughable at the coercive, transparent, and cringe worthy try hard attempt to infuse social SJW messages into the movie.

And bad when, despite the always impressive graphics (Hollywood does technics well, they just have no soul) you find yourself looking for the fast forward button for a bit.

Its poison when you have bit of anger combined with melancholy for what they are so gleefully attacking.

As for the gullibility of fans, I point to this:

Anonymous ZhukovG December 17, 2017 12:11 PM  

Hate SJW's?

The Sith Empire Wants You! (We also throw better parties)

Blogger Thanks, J. December 17, 2017 12:30 PM  

Finally the tide is turning.

Anonymous Patron December 17, 2017 12:43 PM  

This subreddit has been around for a while now, and seems appropriate under the circumstances:

Blogger Jevaughn Brown December 17, 2017 12:43 PM  

As to some of the critics ignoring the movie's failings, it could be simpler than them being literally paid off.

They may simply fear irritating the Mouse Overlord and losing *access* - the way mainstream hacks/"journalists" do with their political sources.

What could be more horrifying to pro critics than no longer being invited to premiers and test screenings for any Disney-owned movie? No longer being in that rarefied group who get to occasionally rub shoulders with or even interview (gasp!) famous actors?

We can only hope Disney SJWs don't completely corrupt Kevin Feige et al as he/they try to integrate the Marvel content they're getting into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Feige's kept the MCU as minimally "converged" as you can expect in my opinion.

May respect for source material and the love of actually making big money win out over the siren call of social justice and self-righteousness.

Anonymous Neo December 17, 2017 12:45 PM  

The YouTuber Angry Joe was hilarious on this. In the course of 24 hours, he went from giving the movie a 7/10 rating, with some issues with a few slow parts, to a 20+ point list of rage at the terrible stupidity of the movie.

It was much faster than 24 hours. It actually happened over the course of about 1 hour and it happened on video. Watch his 'No Spoilers' review and then 'With Spoilers' review, which were shot back-to-back.

In the first video, he starts off optimistic as he gives it a 7/10 review ("but it had some problems"). Then as he scrutinizes it a bit more in the second video, the whole film falls apart and he gets more and more pissed off at it. Today, that was followed by the video Vox posted.

It's an example of #2-#6 from this sequence Vox posted a few days ago:
1.OMG! It's the BEST since EMPIRE!
2.Okay, maybe we got a little carried away. But it's still really good!
3.Well, I mean, it's all right.
4.Actually, there are a lot of things that don't make any sense.
5.And are pretty lame, come to think of it.
6.This movie sucks.
7.Now, what was the second one called? No, the second of the new ones, not the prequels.

No Spoilers Review:
With Spoilers Review:

Blogger Francis The Pope December 17, 2017 12:47 PM  

The critics cannot openly negatively criticize this movie because anything that has been given the social justice treatment is a near sacred object.

Blogger pdwalker December 17, 2017 12:51 PM  

Corrosion was actually pretty good. I hope your parody author does another.

Do we have to wait until McRapey writes another?

Blogger Timmy3 December 17, 2017 12:52 PM  

“Johnson completely disrespects everything Abrams built in Force Awakens, destroying great characters and interesting questions.”

That should be a good thing considering how many people hated it. Oh well, we are taking it way too seriously. It’s a car wreck that happened 20 years ago that we are still looking at the tire tracks.

Blogger weka December 17, 2017 12:55 PM  

Thank you, Dread Ilk. Another movie not to see. Another twenty bucks for something else.

As the Dread Lord observed, these filth ruin everything: the legions of hell have no place for them, for they are disciplined and competent, while the people who designed this waste of celluloid are lower gamma bugmen. Unreliable. Will break. Have neither spine nor balls.

Fit only for thermonuclear convergence.

Blogger 罗臻 December 17, 2017 12:56 PM  

I made a meme about it. There's another movie out called Beyond Skyline. Hardcore sci-fi fans may have seen the original. It is has decent FX, better than a straight to Syfy movie, and a slightly different plotline (the aliens are unstoppable). The new movie is a "sequel" set in Asia, with people fighting the aliens. The lead is Frank Grillo, it has eye candy and the actor from The Raid movies. I wouldn't pay to see it in the theaters, but it has almost the exact same audience rating as Last Jedi and cost at least 12 times less to make.

Anonymous Xpop December 17, 2017 12:56 PM  

(((something force-skyped the brains of our critics)))

Blogger Thucydides December 17, 2017 12:56 PM  

Sadly Disney has the rights to so much really great material (ERB's Tarzan and Mars novels, for example), that even if you can make fresh start "Princess of Mars" movies, you will probably run into a lot of legal roadblocks on the way.

If SJWs weren't so reactive and rhetoric driven, you'd almost imagine there was a concerted effort to get unconverged material off the market and away from young people looking for good entertainment. (We know this is actively true in academia, but are people in the entertainment industry really that smart?)

Anonymous Manwe December 17, 2017 1:02 PM  

A message to creators- never sell off your creations to (((anybody))) no matter how much money they offer. If the prequels raped the childhoods of Star Wars nerds, the sequels have raped George Lucas creations to death.

Anonymous The Original Arrogant Steelers Fan December 17, 2017 1:20 PM  

How about actress Laura Dern (fyi... the blonde airhead paleontologist character from the original Jurassic Park) playing a blended-purple-hair Admiral-ess commanding the rebel flagship.

My God. My God.

She looked like a 57 year old recovering heroin addict burning out the menopausal thrusters.

I couldn't help but think it was a tie in with the previews for yet another Jurassic World movie. So I guess now we get tie-ins with the previews as well. Anyway...

If you were to take somebody who was in a coma from say 1988... woke them up last Thursday night then took them straight to the theater with absolutely no other exposure to our current pop culture... and showed him or her this movie... they would have laughed themselves right back into a coma thinking that that it was a farce in the mold of Airplane.

I can't say that I'm sorry that I was coerced to go. I mean what can I say? It was as entertaining as any comedy you'd ever see. And I HATE comedy.

Anonymous Mike B. December 17, 2017 1:26 PM  

I saw it yesterday.

My suggestion is to watch it drunk and laugh as if it is parody. “Spaceballs Episode 2”...

If it was titled Guardians of the Galaxy Part 3, then it would’ve been a boring yet benign comic book movie.

Blogger Lovekraft December 17, 2017 1:30 PM  

Re EmoSith Kylo Ren, we're told his motivation for his rage revolves entirely around his dad Han abandoning him.

So a wide swipe at the mythical 'men abandon their families' which in my experience (not to mention S Molyneux's) is only a fraction of the truth.

My take on modern relationships under the Female Imperative means the husband is either henpecked into feeble submission, or is driven from the home due to nagging and undermining.

Maybe we'll see a story how Leia's smugness drove Han away.

Anonymous Looking Glass December 17, 2017 1:30 PM  

Considering the absolute salt mine that the FCC vote was, this has actually made for a hilarious week. Sure, the Moore knifing was annoying, but this one will pay off for a long while.

Blogger Lovekraft December 17, 2017 1:30 PM  

@ 31: you hated Anchorman and Anchorman 2? Come on.

Blogger Aeoli December 17, 2017 1:33 PM  

It intrigues me that we process this degradation as psychologically equivalent to rape and cannibalism. There's something in this.

Blogger Nate December 17, 2017 1:33 PM  

before I say this... I want to remind you all that I am the guy who was fine with The Force Awakens. Girl Luke doesn't bother me even a little.

So please... when I say The Last Jedi is the worst Star Wars movie ever made... I mean it. I mean it makes Phantom Menace look fantastic. It makes Attack of the Clones look amazingly consistent.

It is not just a terrible Star Wars movie... it is... an Anti-Star Wars movie. its a movie made to refute Star Wars. It takes everything that star wars stood for and rips it to shreds... defecates on it.... rubs it into the ground... and says "Now we can start over."

Well... No.

no we can't.

I took a youth group of 10 boys with me to see the movie. None of them will ever watch another Star Wars movie. Good Job Disney. 11 out of 11 ex-customers.

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 1:40 PM  

The original Skyline was excellent.

The new one is SJW'd to Hell and therefore didn't happen.

For every tear shall be wiped away...

Anonymous qualitycontrol December 17, 2017 1:47 PM  

I wonder if (((Disney))) tries to split Episode 9 to make more money.

Thank God that SJWs suck at making good movies. As much as I'd like to see good movies, seeing angry white men is something more important.

Anonymous Jack Amok December 17, 2017 1:48 PM  

More proof that no franchise really should be beyond 3 movies or 5 seasons of TV. By then, you've told all the stories about the characters you can tell, so you have to betray the characters in order to get new plots.

Oh, and SJWs ruin everything anyway.

Anonymous Just another commenter December 17, 2017 1:48 PM  

@11 - So why did they do it?
Are the SJWs so blind they can't see beyond their bubble?
Of do they have a larger purpose for their crap?
Are they trying to destroy hope and instill nihilism.

Blogger Dave December 17, 2017 1:55 PM  

Clicked 'play'.

Immediately noted the array of no-life neckbeards and the 58 minute duration.

Clicked 'stop'.

Blogger Nate December 17, 2017 1:58 PM  

One of the big morals to this movie is that the Force is now commie. Where as it used to be an elite thing... heriditary... now the most powerful force user in the galaxy... is a girl who's parents are no one.

The Force is commie.

Anonymous Manwe December 17, 2017 1:59 PM  

If SJWs allow no room for white men on the side of the "rebellion", then we have to go somewhere, right? The only room they leave us is on the dark side both in the Star Wars universe and in our own.

Blogger Matt December 17, 2017 2:01 PM  

So..still no Interracial Kiss?

Blogger Nate December 17, 2017 2:01 PM  

'o why did they do it?
Are the SJWs so blind they can't see beyond their bubble?'

They did it because they hate the originals and they are now getting a chance to remake the whole damn universe in their own image the way they think it should have been in the first place.

Blogger Nate December 17, 2017 2:02 PM  

"So..still no Interracial Kiss?"

yes. there was an interracial kiss. Between the black dude and the fat asian girl.

Seriously they may as well have had him eating fried chicken and watermellon it would've been less stereo typical.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 17, 2017 2:06 PM  

There was so much to beat on with this particular dead horse I hardly knew where to start but as these guys said, the humor was jarring and inappropriate. It did nothing but interrupt the flow of the film.

Either Rian Johnson really didn't know any better or more likely a committee decision came down from on high saying put more humor in it. Because Guardians of the Galaxy had lots of humor in it.

The scene between Po and Hux at the beginning was positively tone deaf. In effect it turned Reinhard Heydrich into Wilhelm Klink.

Blogger OGRE December 17, 2017 2:07 PM  

@31 She was absolutely painful to watch. When she had that first interaction with Poe Dameron and he wanted to know what kind of plans they were looking to make--a reasonable request--she immediately attacked him in that snarky underhanded passive-aggressive feminist/gamma way. Extremely cringe inducing. My brother's father-in-law was sitting next to me and I heard him mutter under his breath "what a bitch!"

Anonymous The Original Arrogant Steelers Fan December 17, 2017 2:10 PM  

The casino scene was just downright insulting and that's where the comedy went out the window. It seemed clear to me that the writers pirated that entire concept from the search for The Merovingian in The Matrix Reloaded. And then they can't even get the rip-off right because we get a bait and switch with some hobo who guess what... cuts a deal with the Empire, er, First Order!

The very thin Silver Lining to the movie was Kylo Ren. They may accidentally develop him into a decent villain who is truly conflicted. He had an imposing physical presence in the movie that actually worked, instead of coming off as just an angry sissy hot pants like Hayden Christensen's Anakin.

I also liked the fact that they simply gave up on Snoke. I always thought it would be intriguing to see what a Skywalker could do in the big chair of the Empire without a Puppet Master unnecessarily complicating things in the background.

Again it was a very thin Silver Lining and I'm sure they'll ruin it, but worth mentioning.

Blogger Mr. Buford December 17, 2017 2:10 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous FP December 17, 2017 2:10 PM  

Wow, angry sjw joe is even ranting about it. After some of his anti-trump crying last year I would have figured he'd be at most mildly praising of the movie. This will indeed be great times for mining salt.

Anonymous basementhomebrewer December 17, 2017 2:11 PM  

Saw it on Friday with friends more to be social than because I wanted to see it. I haven't enjoyed a SW movie since I watched the original trilogy in the early 90s. The SJW messaging was way over the top. It bothers me a little bit that many in my circle aren't able to see it as transparently as I am able to.

In case anyone who has seen it here missed it, the message of the whole movie was that men screw everything up and woman are the only real leaders.

It starts with "flyboy" Mcfag at the beginning. He disobeyed Leia's orders to retreat and gets a bunch of people killed. His attack run was still semi-successful in that he blew up a heavy ship because the first order (commanded by all men) acted like clowns the entire sequence, and didn't seem to care all that much that they were going to be blown up. He gets busted down a rank by Leia who scolds him like he is her 5 year old son.

Flash to Luke who is a grumpy old man. They admit his turning of Vader was a great feat, but then down play it and things start to seem more like it was a lucky accident rather than Luke being competent at something. We get the confirmation later when we learn how bad Luke bungled training new Jedi. Then we get to see him be semi competent in a skirmish with Rey for 10 seconds, but she still gets the best of him in the end after 0 instruction on combat training.

Flash back to the ship. Leia nearly gets killed but uses the force to save herself (couldn't let her be outshined by Luke). They also make it clear that everyone thinks she is some type of military genius even though she has proven herself to be ineffective at every turn. "Flyboy" Mcfag isn't happy that a new woman admiral (Admiral purple hair Menopause) is appointed to take Leia's place while she is recovering. They immediately clash over her plan to uselessly try to run from the first order fleet while slowly running out of fuel and sacrificing every ship in their fleet. Flyboy hatches a plan to send a coward and a body positive Chinese girl to a casino to get help. This culminates in failure, of course, but the admiral just gives him an "ah shucks, you're cute." after he stages a mutiny to try to buy more time for his plan to work.

Then the enormous idiocy of her plan to lose all their ships is exposed when she uses the last one to ram the first order's capital ship at lightspeed. They play it up as a heroic maneuver, but why didn't she do this with the first ship in their fleet that was about to run out of fuel?

Every Male-female pair in the movie has the woman saving the man/showing more competence. Chinese girl/cowardly stormtrooper. Rey/Luke then Rey/Kylo. Admiral menopause/Leia/"flyboy".

That isn't even mentioning the themes around rich people taking advantage of poor people, Nihilism and repeated references to "the resistance" . The whole thing was a subversive steaming pile of SJW messaging. It worked hard to rewrite the old white male character's past accomplishments to look like mere luck while Leia is made to look like she was the only classic character that ever really knew what she was doing.

Blogger Mr. Buford December 17, 2017 2:12 PM  

I was glad to find an homage/analogue to take the place of wreckage that is the SW Universe in the series, Galaxy’s Edge - an alternate SW universe from the perspective of grim men sent to do the things that need doing, the Legionaries. A series that begins with the words, ‘The Galaxy is a dumpster fire...’ Ironically, an apt intro to the Disney SW universe

Blogger Chris Lutz December 17, 2017 2:21 PM  

@29 Disney can't stop anyone from making anything based on the ERB books.

@47 That was what kind of shocked me about TFA. Finn was played as the totally different wisecracking black guy.

I thought TFA's greatest sin was it was boring. It was such a retread that there was no true excitement. Now it looks like TLJ decided to trash the entire SW universe.

Blogger Sambuca Ford December 17, 2017 2:24 PM  

Take away all the legacy and culture relevance. Forget you grew up with the characters.

Standing alone this thing is Ice Pirates meets Aerial/Pocahontas/Beauty SJW mores. Direct to video/cable when that was still a thing. That aside few franchises chronicle the decay of a society better than 40 year span of Star Wars '77 to this abomination.

Anonymous The Original Arrogant Steelers Fan December 17, 2017 2:25 PM  

"So..still no Interracial Kiss?"

Okay, so I'm assuming that we've all figured that Disney has one last card to play before they assuredly and completely tank the franchise... and that's Kylo bending-over Mary Sue Walker.

But will it shine brightly on that dark canvas of interracial relationships?

Stay tuned, folks!

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 2:36 PM  

> and that's Kylo bending-over Mary Sue Walker.

That's Jedi training. He's injecting her with more Muhdicklorians. How do you think a white trailer-trash chick became the ultimate Force for Social Justice? By donating mulatto feti to Galactic Planned Parenthood, which freights straight to Jabba the Hutt's table.

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 2:39 PM  

Who is beautiful. And Chinese.

Blogger Skyler the Weird December 17, 2017 2:48 PM  

Kylo and Snoke sounds like that scene in the Defenders on Netflix. Out of the blue and unexpected.

Anonymous Muh Dick December 17, 2017 2:49 PM  

Chinese are gonna love the fat Jar Jar Cho gettin loved by the Stormdindu.

Blogger tz December 17, 2017 2:57 PM  

Meanwhile, Mozilla shows It has been totally converged and is now an ad serving service.
Be Brave, my friends, or go out under a Pale Moon.

Blogger tublecane December 17, 2017 3:00 PM  

"Johnson completely disrespects everything Abrams built in Force Awakens"

Did Abrams build anything? I remember it as a Potemkin village, designed to feel like a Star Wars movie, but if you took a step to the side you'd notice the buildings are facades.

By the way, why are so many of these reviews written as though the reader has already seen the movie? I have no idea what you're talkr about, guy.

Blogger ((( bob kek mando ))) - ( the Original Militant Apathist ) December 17, 2017 3:05 PM  

61. Muh Dick December 17, 2017 2:49 PM
Chinese are gonna love the fat Jar Jar Cho

hory shleet, all you gaijin tho rathist.


frickin stupid Muricans can't tell the difference between Han Slopes and any other East Asian slant eyes.

Blogger Ransom Smith December 17, 2017 3:08 PM  

So please... when I say The Last Jedi is the worst Star Wars movie ever made... I mean it. I mean it makes Phantom Menace look fantastic.
The Phantom Menace has one thing about it that no one ever disputes.
The music.
The score to that movie at times uplifts the admittedly poor film.

Anonymous Looking Glass December 17, 2017 3:13 PM  

OT but too good not to share.

"Yuge Drummer Boy". It's really, really done.

Blogger Gloriam Deo December 17, 2017 3:16 PM  

So please... when I say The Last Jedi is the worst Star Wars movie ever made... I mean it. I mean it makes Phantom Menace look fantastic.
The Phantom Menace has one thing about it that no one ever disputes.
The music.
The score to that movie at times uplifts the admittedly poor film.

I am seeing these reviews and feeling far less confidant than I did yesterday when I made that bet.

Blogger YIH December 17, 2017 3:19 PM  

Disney thinks they'll be able to keep Star Wars alive via the theme parks. They are in the process of redoing both World and land to accommodate a Star Wars themed section. Trouble is, the film series is just petering out, I wouldn't be surprised if XI becomes as much a lackluster exit as the final TNG movie - which flopped. Mickey, Donald and the gang have staying power because, being cartoon characters, they're timeless - they don't age or die.
The same fanbase for both Wars and Trek, however, is aging and dying - and that's one of the reasons both are fading. Paramount has already milked Star Trek dry and Disney is closing in on that point with Star Wars.

Blogger Ransom Smith December 17, 2017 3:27 PM  

I am seeing these reviews and feeling far less confidant than I did yesterday when I made that bet.
We still have another year to see this bet out.
But I'm liking my odds right now.

Blogger Ingot9455 December 17, 2017 3:39 PM  

@63 Oh, there a whole setup for Snoke to be like, 6 inches tall and fly around force-levitating himself and telekinetically controlling a lightsaber doing a whole 'size matters not' thing. Thus the giant holo-projection - compensating for much? And any number of pathways were laid for what Luke was really up to in the little psychokinetic dream sequence when Rey picked up the lightsaber and what happened and who did what and what Leia and Han were at.

There was flexibility, but also, there were pathways. Set-ups. A little opening pipe was laid down.

And from what I'm hearing, it was all thrown away.

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 17, 2017 3:52 PM  

And I thought medichlorians ruined the force

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 17, 2017 3:55 PM  

Joe, for all his faults, isn't an sjw. He's a normie

Blogger Dirtnapninja December 17, 2017 4:01 PM  

Its isnt bad. But it needed better editing. the movie was about 30 minutes too long.

Blogger Nate December 17, 2017 4:07 PM  

"Its isnt bad. But it needed better editing. the movie was about 30 minutes too long."


30 minutes?

Have you even seen TFA? Go watch TFA. Then watch this movie.

If you can't see the obvious insane problems... like the fact that they apparently don't even happen in the same universe... then you're an idiot.

Blogger Cecil Henry December 17, 2017 4:23 PM  

Stefan Molyneux nailed the issue with the Star Wars movie exactly:

The Truth About Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It's time to let diversity™ be somebody else's 'strength'

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 4:28 PM  

The first Star Wars trilogy depicted the eternal chosen child Boomer rebelling against his dark Sith father, stealing his WWII valor, and overturning the old Christian order in favor of Buddhist-tinted secular humanism with endearing diversipets.

These final installments explain to Boomers that they must now be devoured alive by their nonwhite replacements, except the magical mudsharks.

Time to die, Mark Hamill.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 17, 2017 4:45 PM  

I think the big question... The HUGE question is this: what will be the second weekend box-office take?

Batman Vs Superman had a Critic approval of only 27% and an audience approval of 63%. It also had the biggest drop off in movie history at 69%.

Can critical approval beat audience score?

Word of mouth is pretty brutal on this one.

There are two factors that I really can't gauge yet, 56% of the audience that says they liked it.

Of the 56% who liked it, how many are fanbois who are drastically overinvested in Star Wars and will claim they like it no matter what but will change their mind in a day or so?

And How many are SJWs that are already in doubledown mode?

Blogger Ingot9455 December 17, 2017 5:03 PM  

@77 Add in the immediate post-movie special effects glow for a third pathway.

People who 'enjoyed' the movie while it was in the theaters, but then, when they remember what they saw, feel more and more cheated. Like the Avatar movie, for example - decent eye candy but doesn't hold up to reviewing, or even remembering, the way, say, Thor: Ragnarok does.

Anonymous a deplorable rubberducky December 17, 2017 5:04 PM  

Our family decision was made not to see the film, and the Disney SJWs aren't going to like to hear this, but it was our women who saved us from it. They aren't Star Wars fangirls, but they've always been happy to tag along with us boys and they have genuinely enjoyed it. And, these women especially love doing so around the Christmas family-time togetherness aura that is such a female bailiwick and strength.

My sons and I were hemming and hawing, nobody excited to go see this one. We did bail last year on Rogue One or whatever that thing was called, during Christmas time and did not have a family Christmas outing for the first time I can remember. We were leaning to go, if only to see the trainwreck, when the women stepped in.

Heck no, was the verdict. So much money and 2.5 hours for that? For fake wussified Star Wars? Forget it. They categorically refused to go. Okay, settled then. We'll have fun again together without it. Our family has learned to do without, and to do better without.

Quite the opposite of the intended effect from Disney, and coming from the opposite hand than intended.

I'm laughing my butt off at SJW stupidity. So wussy and pedestalizing that it has turned off all our women -- and FIRSTLY.

Anonymous Avalanche December 17, 2017 5:13 PM  

@27 "I made a meme about it."

(Do you know that folks who quit Gab cannot go see your link?)

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 17, 2017 5:13 PM  

What? No, the empire outside of Vader was distinctly non religious. One of the admirals talked down to Vader on his "hokey" religion.

The original trilogy was nothing more than a tetelling of a buck Rodgers/Flash Gordon space adventure that turned into a heros journey story within a space WWII

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 17, 2017 5:15 PM  

Agreed. I have no desire or inclination to rewatch avatar but I've rewatched the og trilogy numerous times

Anonymous Wooly December 17, 2017 5:16 PM  

I live literally a stone's throw from a movie theater. It has a really nice marquee, too.

The last movie I saw there was Ang Lee's Hulk, in 2003.

I don't even glance at the list of movies any more, when I walk by it, every day for 12 years.

Because I don't care. Screw them.

Anonymous Avalanche December 17, 2017 5:17 PM  

@29 "was a (((concerted effort))) to get unconverged material off the market and away from young people"

Seen any John Wayne, Jimmie Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, et al. movies lately? (Like, in the last 30 year?!) Seen ANY movies inviting or enticing boys to grow up INTO MEN? Anything teaching morality and honor and any PART oh White Euro-derived civilization? Seen ANYthing that's not "Dumb and Dumber"?

Even the 'first' (I pretend the prequels don't even exist...) Star Wars was about a boy growing up to take on a man's duty... and even, maybe, recovering a cad to civilization? (Or was that Leia's doing?)

Anonymous Avalanche December 17, 2017 5:20 PM  

@41 "Are they trying to destroy hope and instill nihilism."

Yes, of course.

Anonymous Avalanche December 17, 2017 5:20 PM  

Luke, Come to the dead side...

Anonymous Wooly December 17, 2017 5:23 PM  

It really wouldn't surprise me at all if it was found that the whole staff of the theater was molesting children.

Because why wouldn't they be? They're the outlet for the industry that's been molesting children for decades.

So I don't darken their door, even as I walk by it every single day. Screw Hollywood. I pray for earthquakes.

Anonymous Chris December 17, 2017 5:42 PM  

SJWs are in full-blown denial mode now, their latest excuse for The Last Jedi's dismal audience reception being that the scores are faked a la, you guessed it, Gamergate and Sad Puppies:

Anonymous FP December 17, 2017 5:42 PM  

The RedLetterMedia guys (mr plinkett reviews) did a nerd crew spoof last week that is good. There is star wars go-gurt yogurt and r2-d2 electric razors for sale apparently this go around. Also, including Jedi branded salad in a bag.

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 5:50 PM  

> What? No, the empire outside of Vader was distinctly non religious. One of the admirals talked down to Vader on his "hokey" religion.

So was the Boomer USA. Do you seriously not grasp that Star Wars is a Jewish attack on Christianity?

Blogger Johnny December 17, 2017 6:03 PM  

YIH wrote:Disney thinks they'll be able to keep Star Wars alive via the theme parks.

My guess is that it is the other way around. They want the movies to keep interest in the theme parks. Disney is a consolidator (Microsoft also). That is the big company that buys up smaller companies in the expectation that even if they pay a lot and they can still turn a profit because their scale allows for better marketing and more sales.

Most consolidators don't change the product, they just sell it better. This business of jerking up the product is apt to hurt Disney a lot. Even if they avoid a big loss on the film, all those people going home unhappy are not going to be customers any more, at least not for the Star Wars branded stuff.

Blogger Lovekraft December 17, 2017 6:05 PM  

@78 Ingot9455: the only image I still see from Thor: Ragnarok is Kate Blanchett's outfit. If you catch my drift. Other than that, the pro-refugee ending was a mess.

@80 Avalanche: you also one of the 'shunned', eh? Torba made it open season on this writer for offering some measure of balance to the Nazi spergelords/VD spat.

Since it's apparent that Disney has payola-ed the critics, would it then be ok if I went to IMDB and offered a review based solely on this comment thread and not actually having seen it? Wonder what Molyneux would think about that one.

Blogger Johnny December 17, 2017 6:12 PM  

Kind of off topic here, but I got off on a mostly kids movie called Babe that had a talking pig as the lead character. Apparently it does not require Disney because damn if they didn't screw that thing up in the sequel called Babe: Pig in the City. Currently running 40% approval over a Rottentomatoes. Not PC as just no feel at all for the material.

Anonymous Wilbur Hassenfus December 17, 2017 6:22 PM  

“painfully pedantic to hollow philosophy”

Why do people write unintelligible garble like that?

I don’t care how badly the girl power cretins screwed up the movie. The fool who wrote that garbled babble needs a boot to the head.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 17, 2017 6:26 PM  

What was really stupid here was the setup for the next movie.

Who cares at all about Rey Versus Kylo?

Let's face facts, Darth Emo makes for pretty weak Dark Lord.

Blogger Chris Lutz December 17, 2017 6:33 PM  

@88 Of course they are, because they believe everyone, except for that small number of evil, white, heterosexual males, follows their insane beliefs. I think most people hoped things would improve after TFA and they would get rid of the JJ stupidity. Instead, they doubled expected.

Blogger Jeff December 17, 2017 6:42 PM  

"The universal critical acclaim for this movie is utter malpractice."

The same critics love Star Trek Discovery.

Blogger ((( bob kek mando ))) - ( the Original Militant Apathist ) December 17, 2017 6:49 PM  

92. Lovekraft December 17, 2017 6:05 PM
Avalanche: you also one of the 'shunned', eh?

no, i've never been on Gab and i can't view Gab attachments either.

same thing happens every time GaySteve posts a link to one of his gabs, i can't see anything except the plain text.

unless you mean that Gab shuns all of those who aren't Elect ...

Anonymous TheBoom December 17, 2017 6:57 PM  

I am so old I remember when the left incorporated its ideology into entertaining movies. Appropriate that Star Wars is a SJW dud because the original Star Wars was the movie that, while entertaining, started the trend of comic book style, big budget movies that were more about merchandising deals than quality work. This trend lowered the bar of the talent required for rolls in the movie industry except for special effects, sound, costumes and merchandising.

Talent is not a SJW core competency so they are better fit with the new Hollywood except for that politically incorrect problem of not being able to make work people really want to see or read.

I just assume any movie sucks now until convinced otherwise and, even then, I have for the most part lost the habit of seeing movies unless it is an anti PC movie that will trigger the SJW.

Anonymous Copy Pasta December 17, 2017 7:01 PM  

This is real:

Star Wars: The Last JediOffers the Harsh Condemnation of Mansplaining We Need in 2017
An eerily perfect installment for the post-Trump era.


Speaking about her character’s stylish-yet-firm leadership, Dern told Vanity Fair: “[Rian is] saying something that’s been a true challenge in feminism. Are we going to lead and be who we are as women in our femininity? Or are we going to dress up in a boy’s clothes to do the boy’s job? I think we’re waking up to what we want feminism to look like.” This message—women being largely right, and men being mostly wrong—extends to most but not all aspects of The Last Jedi.

Blogger Koanic December 17, 2017 7:04 PM  

We know she's the last Jedi because as a feminist she's an evolutionary dead end.

Anonymous Jack Amok December 17, 2017 7:12 PM  

My guess is that it is the other way around. They want the movies to keep interest in the theme parks.

The Disney execs are probably dumb enough to think that. But the parks are doing fine. They'd probably do better if Disney split up in fact.

Anonymous Jack Amok December 17, 2017 7:28 PM  

Star Wars: The Last JediOffers the Harsh Condemnation of Mansplaining We Need in 2017
An eerily perfect installment for the post-Trump era.

Yeah. Dern used to be kinda hot. Time to move on.

When I'm on long-haul flights where everyone has their own video screen, I have a (probably obnoxious) habit of getting sucked into what someone else nearby is watching. Recently, I got sucked into watching What Happened to Monday. Now, granted, I didn't hear any audio (I was listening to music), but the guy sitting in front of me was watching it and, based on what I saw and what the preview blurb said, I was pretty happy with it.

Near-future, sci-fi, the Malthusian eco-freaks - apparently through some one-world government - get a one-child policy instituted globally. There was a billboard early ib - pitch-perfect with any current eco-awareness campaign - that had a picture of the Earth with "One Earth, One Child" on it. Surplus children were put in "cryo-sleep" which...


was actually an incinerator. Seven identical sisters are brought up to hide their identity, but of course they're eventually discovered. The Child Allocation Bureau, run by Glen Close playing a stand-in for Hillary Clinton with dashes of Merkel and May thrown in, is the evil enforcers. She's the baddie in the flick.

There's also a scene where the CAB swat team comes after the sisters and one of the sisters goes all Wai-Fu Kick-Ass Grrrl on the SWAT team leader. She surprises him, punches him, kicks him a couple of times, and knocks him down. Then he gets up and beats the shit our of her, finally throwing her across the room.

The movie ends with Clinton, er, Glen Close playing ersatz Clinton, going on trial with the Death Penalty on the table.

Good times.

Blogger Miss Carnivorous December 17, 2017 8:36 PM  

No Star Wars movie is a good movie. All of them are hilariously campy and bad! The only reason to see the first movie in the series is that Harrison Ford was, hot, hot, hot! When I was 15, I stood in a long line with my step-mama, and half-brother (who wanted to see the movie) and half-sister to see "Star Wars". My step-mom and I were only impressed by Han Solo!

Blogger Gunnar von Cowtown December 17, 2017 8:43 PM  

The Last Jedi had a moment where it could have turned and been awesome. They spent so much time and effort building the connection between Darth Emo and Marysue Skywalker. They spent so much time discussing the need for balance in The Force.
They're finally reunited, Darth Emo has a transformational moment, kills Darth Snek in a really cool way, lightsabser-fu ensues and there's a perfect pivot point. Darth Emo says to Marysue, "Join me, let's put this horrible past behind us and rule the universe together." Yes, it's similar to Vader and Luke, but it's different. Darth Emo has a valid point, that their factions both suck, and have lead to nothing but misery on both sides. They've both been chosen by the god of their universe (The Force), and they could lead all to something better.

Of course, Marysue rejects her divine right with nary an explanation, and returns to her purple haired lesbo mystery meat collective. What a perfect allegory for both the franchise and the current year.

Blogger Chris Mallory December 17, 2017 8:53 PM  

Avalanche wrote:Seen any John Wayne, Jimmie Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, et al. movies lately? (Like, in the last 30 year?!)

I have seen all three actors in movies in the past month. Today I watched some Steve McQueen. Now, I am watching the only good thing to ever come out of Minnesota, MST3k.

Blogger Eskyman December 17, 2017 9:47 PM  

The first Star Wars movie, I had to be dragged along to see it; I love science fiction, grew up with Heinlein & van Vogt, et al, but most "sf" movies were monster movies or horror.

I really didn't want to see any more crappy pseudo-SF, which is why I didn't want to go. Books were (and are still) my doorways into other dimensions.

Then I remember sitting in the theater with that magnificent, real, huge starship passing overhead- while the theater sound system shook me with that deep rumble, and made it sound as if I was right there, watching it- and I had tears running down my face, it was so very real, and so very wonderfully right. At that moment, I believed!

The plot of that first film was simple; a good thing, as the effects were fantastic & a complicated story would've been impossible to follow. I was enormously impressed by touches like the farm vehicle, an air car: old and battered, the paint was crap, but... it had no wheels! It was like a real farm vehicle, but it stood there in the air. Nobody on screen paid any attention, it was just part of the background, and done so very well.

After that I enjoyed the next two movies that came out, then my interest waned. I've seen some of the prequels, all crap; none of the newer ones. From what I've read here and at IMDB, there's no chance I'll be going to see this one. It would be like peeing on the good memories I have.

I think I'll stick to reading. The pictures in my head are better, and the beautiful women aren't as diverse; a plus, in my book! (Besides, in my imagination the white guys always win.)

Anonymous Avalanche December 17, 2017 10:18 PM  

@106 "I have seen all three actors in movies in the past month. Today I watched some Steve McQueen. Now, I am watching the only good thing to ever come out of Minnesota, MST3k."

So, old then, are yah? It's the younglings that needs the examples and paths shown!

Anonymous jonakc1 December 18, 2017 12:16 AM  

we live in an age where men are more interested in being hot beta male house husbands and submitting to women...
what do you expect
SJW's winning all the way

Blogger Bobiojimbo December 18, 2017 12:40 AM  

Stefan Molynuex had an interesting take on the film, I recommend his review.

I plan on seeing this movie. I know I shouldn't financially support this film, but I have to see how bad it is for myself. Having watched and read so many reviews now, I just hope I'm properly prepared.

BTW, my favorite review so far was how the film $12 million less than Force Awakens, wondered if the fans were burnt out, and then encouraged people to see it. Blatant shill.

Blogger Bobiojimbo December 18, 2017 12:49 AM  

Those are good women, you've been blessed.

Blogger SteelPalm December 18, 2017 1:41 AM  

Interesting that EVEN Angry Jose turned on the movie so fast, considering what a hardcore SJW and obsessive Trump-hater he has become over the past year and a half.

Anonymous Yann December 18, 2017 3:57 AM  

In metacritic:

Critic's score: 8.6
User's score: 4.9

That says it all.

Blogger VD December 18, 2017 6:02 AM  

I plan on seeing this movie. I know I shouldn't financially support this film, but I have to see how bad it is for myself.

That is just stupid. And you wonder why you're losing?

Blogger Meng Greenleaf December 18, 2017 6:20 AM  

A shoutout to Angry Joe 😀 I've watched his channel since he was hovering around 50K. I'm thinking of watching it in 4D in Kobe with my brother-in-law. We'll see. After the disaster that was Ep1 I quick going to the movies for SW.

Anonymous MaMu77 December 18, 2017 7:53 AM  

No Mara Jade, no MaMu1977. I was too young to watch the movies in theatre, but I loved the expanded universe (comics, books, etc.) Throwing away characters for the sake of putting "your mark" on a property always fails in the long run (as virtually any X-Men fan can tell you.)

Blogger Mr.MantraMan December 18, 2017 8:29 AM  

The white farm boy plot device could save the franchise. Decades of anti-white hysteria has made white farm boys anti-establishment cool again.

Blogger Nate December 18, 2017 9:32 AM  

"That is just stupid. And you wonder why you're losing?"

Vox. c'mon. You and I both know this isnt' the time to even try to strike that blow. Nothing was going to stop this from being a financial success.

Now... TFA was bad enough to put a tiny crack in the armor.

That blow... the big financial blow.. that happens with the next Star Wars film.

Blogger SemiSpook37 December 18, 2017 9:49 AM  


Nate's got a point. And coupling that with Stefan's point about the fact that the Resistance is falling apart in this film due to the whole concept of "muh diversity", the true believers can't help but be angry with how things have turned out.

I get the feeling that the SJWs already have the amount of rope they need for the noose, but they don't realize that it's their heads that said noose is going to be slipped over. It'll be hilarious to see it implode.

Blogger Nate December 18, 2017 10:10 AM  

This movie... for the amazing amount of money that it made... is actually performing below expectations. yes those expectations were insanely high... but not without reason.

The next film will also have ridiculously high expectations. And it will fail miserably... and for the first time ever a star wars fill will be a dud at the box office... and it will an epic moment in the culture war.

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 18, 2017 11:29 AM  

The only movie that I can think of that readily qualifies is lord of the rings

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction December 18, 2017 12:02 PM  


Again no, your reading something in the movie that just is not it there. Mel Brookes Yiddish take on Yoda as proof? Christ man your talking about Mel Brooks who pulls that shtick on everything!

Frank Oz was a puppeteer for Jim Henson and performed over 75 productions so far as a puppeteer/voice actor.

All your telling me is that there is a crap ton of jews in the entertainment industry which is no secret even to the normies.

The spiel about the force, you could just as easily link it to Taosim/Buddhism/onmfuciansim.

The whole thing and Jedi Lucas said it's a nod to Lords of Barrsoom who bore the title of Jed or Jeddak which is in line with his statement is that star wars was a retelling of the sci fi and space fantasy stories he enjoyed as a boy

Stop engaging in the same willful delusion that SJWs partake in to confirm their world view.

Blogger Akulkis December 18, 2017 12:17 PM  

The last Star War movies I watched was the one with Jar Jar Binks.

That was all I needed to see it was going to hell in a handbasket.

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