Friday, May 18, 2018

It's nearly started!

George R.R. Martin is seriously thinking about starting on his next book:
SANTA FE, NM—Stoking readers’ anticipation about the long-awaited Game Of Thrones sequel, best-selling author George R.R. Martin promised fans Thursday that his upcoming novel The Winds Of Winter was nearly started. “I wanted to let everyone know that I’m sitting at my desk with a nice cup of tea, I’ve got a Word document open, and I’m just about ready to go,” Martin wrote in a blog post on his website, assuring readers that as soon as he cleared off his desk and threw a load of laundry into the dryer, he could pretty much begin. “I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, but at this point, I’ve basically already brainstormed a couple of character names and written part of an outline for chapter one. After that, it shouldn’t take more than another three or four weeks until I’m ready to check a few emails, grab some groceries, and put the very earliest touches on the manuscript. Can’t wait!” At press time, the author had been forced to return to square one after realizing he needed a better title than The Winds Of Winter.
If you ever doubted success being a demotivator for a certain type of writer, you need look no further than Martin. Although Scalzi would appear to be giving him a pretty good run for his money. It must be incredibly frustrating to be a mainstream publisher having to deal with these guys.



Blogger The Observer May 18, 2018 4:37 AM  

At first I thought this was serious, then noticed where the link led.

The best parody is truly and genuinely plausible.

Blogger Rocklea Marina May 18, 2018 4:41 AM  

I question the veracity of this claim and suggest we get Snopes on the case.

Anonymous Anonymous May 18, 2018 5:00 AM  

The piece is parody, but the artwork on his wall that appears to depict scantily clad children is real.

Blogger Bogey May 18, 2018 5:57 AM  

assuring readers that as soon as he cleared off his desk and threw a load of laundry into the dryer, he could pretty much begin.

...and after taking a dump, taking a shower, taking a nap, walking the dog, writing another blog posts, appearing at the Cocteau Cinema, a few more conventions, editing another Wild Cards anthology, and appearing in another Sharknado.

Blogger JACIII May 18, 2018 6:09 AM  

Sooner he kills his fat self with heart disease, the sooner someone else can finish it for him.

Blogger Daniele Grech Pereira May 18, 2018 6:10 AM  

>the onion

Got me again.

Blogger SciVo May 18, 2018 6:14 AM  

I'm inspired to start writing a novella tomorrow! I have it mostly all plotted out in my head already, just need to put fingers to keyboard... uh, in a different way than I'm doing right now. It's totally different, okay? And I'm planning to do some yard work tomorrow, which I'm sure will relax me enough to get started!

It's just a lot of pressure, you know? Knowing that if you knew what an awesome story I was about to write, you'd be really excited. I just... I don't know if I can live up to the expectations that I think you should have. But I promise to give it my best shot, if not tomorrow then Saturday! You know, after brunch. It'll be perfect.

Blogger Matt May 18, 2018 6:23 AM  

The Onion will be in the history books.

Blogger Rick May 18, 2018 6:44 AM  

It’s not a new problem:

“Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer's loneliness but I doubt if they improve his writing. He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates. For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.”

- Hemingway

Blogger Jack Aubrey May 18, 2018 6:45 AM  

When did The Onion stop being a parody site?

Blogger Unknown May 18, 2018 6:49 AM  

A great way to start off my Friday! Thanks, Vox.

Blogger Shimshon May 18, 2018 6:58 AM  

I knew it was fake because there was no mention of Doritos.

Blogger Skyler the Weird May 18, 2018 7:15 AM  

He accidentally sat on his Muse and squashed her in 2002 hence a Feast for Crows in 2005.

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 18, 2018 7:39 AM  

The joke is supposed to go, "he's waiting to see how it ends on TV first."

Except I'm pretty sure it's not a joke. He really is waiting for the TV writers to finish this for him.

For me the problem would be, how do I create something that has already been created?

Sure he had a "chicken tracks on piece of paper" outline but he's an explorer. And there is nothing for him to explore now.

Unless he is going to try to salvage his demi-incestuous romance between Jon and Arya.

Yeah, he could probably get into that.

Blogger VD May 18, 2018 8:23 AM  

I knew it was fake because there was no mention of Doritos.

Or, more importantly, rape.

Blogger A rebel without a General May 18, 2018 8:34 AM  

Mother of God, I thought he already started and made good progress,at this rate it will never be published.

Blogger A rebel without a General May 18, 2018 8:37 AM  

Just saw the onion logo, you got me vox good job.

Anonymous Anonymous May 18, 2018 9:12 AM  

And here I was thinking the convergence of the onion would completely kill the comedy.

Blogger Unknown May 18, 2018 9:49 AM  

quitcher bitchin.

Martin has written something in the series this century.

David Gerrold hasn't published anything in the Ch'torr series since 1993 and is now three years late on the 5th book ( supposed publication date was Sept 2015 ).

Heather Gladney still hasn't managed to finish her trilogy and it's been almost 30 years ( 1989 ) since the 2nd book was published. and she's still pretending to be working on it.

Blogger VFM #7634 May 18, 2018 10:36 AM  

"If you ever doubted success being a demotivator for a certain type of writer"

Yeah, it's almost as if he doesn't actually LIKE writing.

Blogger VFM #7634 May 18, 2018 10:37 AM  

bob kek mando

I'm still wondering when Valve is going to get off its arse and finish Half Life 2 Episode Three.

Blogger lazlo azavaar May 18, 2018 11:30 AM  

12. He strikes me more of a cheez doodles kinda guy.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash May 18, 2018 11:48 AM  

VFM #7634 wrote:I'm still wondering when Valve is going to get off its arse and finish Half Life 2 Episode Three.
Given that the project has not only never been started, it's never even been scoped, and Valve is not exactly idling, I'd say approximately never.

Blogger wreckage May 18, 2018 11:53 AM  

"no no" cried the Doritos, but there was neither help nor succor; they were completely within his power. He sneered as he tore their crinkly cellophane bag wide open and cast it aside...

Anonymous Anonymous May 18, 2018 10:49 PM  

Yeah, I took it seriously too, at first read. The best satire is stuff that might be true.

I enjoyed the first two or three books in the Song of Ice and Fire series. But then I realized that the story was utterly out of the author's control. There is no way that he could finish it because there were just too many characters and too many story lines.

Just what do you call things like Song? Are they "epics"? "Sagas", perhaps? No, because sagas, epics and novels--even "extended" novels, like Tolkien's trilogy--have a definite narrative and dramatic structure. Most importantly, they have a beginning and an end. But there comes a point in Song where any reasonably perceptive reader comes to understand that whatever genre this may be, it is something that, by design, cannot have an end. We do actually have a name for this kind of thing. It is called a soap opera.

A successful formula for a soap opera calls for some highly dramatic, shocking opening episodes that are intended to pull you in, to get you involved in the characters, and care about what happens to them. But then the thing keeps going, and degenerates to being just more of the same thing--unless the author turns up the emotional shock volume because it's the only way to keep the audience from losing interest. That's why the TV series needed graphic torture, genital mutilation, rape, and women giving protracted birth to demons. If you start out with a brother and sister caught in flagrante delicto in more ferarum by an eight year old boy, then having that boy hurled off the tower to conceal the act, you're going to have to tighten the screws considerably (so to speak) in the following installments. I'm sorry I ever started reading the damned books.

This is not what I consider art. Does G.R.R. Martin? I doubt that the man has standards. Just a business model.

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