Tuesday, July 17, 2018

The honorary Christian

A celebration in Colorado Springs!
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—In a joyful ceremony, Christian leaders gathered to grant Jordan Peterson the status of honorary Christian. Though the Canadian professor has never identified as a Christian and does not attend any church, a vote was taken and the decision was made unanimously that Peterson had earned his salvation and could be drafted into heaven by popular vote.

“Most people are saved by grace,” said one of the pastors who presented the award, “Jordan Peterson isn’t most people.”

Though Peterson holds a number of highly controversial views such as that most societal problems are really complicated, men shouldn’t be deadbeats, speech should be free, and that becoming dogmatically ideological stunts intellectual and moral growth, the Christian leaders decided to overlook these grievous sins and still honor him with the award.
I still find it amazing that conservatives lionize Peterson and lambast Soros even though the two men share the same ideological perspective, possess the same messianic self-perception, and have the same long-term objectives for society.

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Blogger Ingemar July 17, 2018 7:23 PM  

Did Jesus get a vote?

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother July 17, 2018 7:24 PM  

BB. I knew it.

Blogger Sterling Pilgrim July 17, 2018 7:27 PM  

Even pretending to hand out salvation paid for by the blood of the Christ like it was some bowling trophy, these “preachers” should be branded as heretics. Can’t wait for the passing out of millstones.

Blogger Sterling Pilgrim July 17, 2018 7:27 PM  

Oh boy, they got me.

Blogger Zimri July 17, 2018 7:33 PM  

I was in Colorado Springs two years ago, for the Republican Assembly to which I was delegated. Lots of megachurches. Advertisements for Generic Corporate Product X which said "have a BLESSED day!".

A regular of one such megachurch - one Darryl Glenn, some black guy with a military record but without much else - came to the Assembly running for Senate. He wowed the crowd (not me, I voted for Littleton) and ran off with the majority. It was later revealed that Mr Glenn had plagiarised his speech from another candidate and, of course, had cheated on his wife. I took the time to do my own research on Mr Glenn (I didn't know about the rest, the state GOP was worried about Hillary-v-Trump and trying not to make waves) and I found his megachurch, which was intensely Churchian.

Colorado Springs is Bible Belt if the Osteen family was in charge of Biblical interpretation. 'Tis a silly place.

Blogger Dire Badger July 17, 2018 7:36 PM  

The worst part is, this comedy site is altogether too believable.

Blogger VFM #7634 July 17, 2018 7:48 PM  

"and that becoming dogmatically ideological stunts intellectual and moral growth"

The fake Catholics in the Vatican are constantly saying this exact thing...

Blogger Nathan July 17, 2018 7:50 PM  

Mmm... that's good satire.


Lol. Yeah, Colorado Springs is ground zero for that sort of silliness.

Blogger Azure Amaranthine July 17, 2018 7:56 PM  

Wat. Oh, satire.

Anonymous Anonymous July 17, 2018 7:57 PM  

The Curia, a perennially wretched hive of scum and villainy, has outdone itself in the last 70 years or so. We must pray for another Counter-Reformation. The return of the Templars wouldn't be bad either.

Blogger Matthew July 17, 2018 7:58 PM  

Actual LOL from that one.

Blogger nswhorse July 17, 2018 8:03 PM  

Please tell me this a Babylon Bee article...

Blogger Azimus July 17, 2018 8:05 PM  

Someone at the Bee is a reader here...

Blogger Silent Draco July 17, 2018 8:06 PM  

Now the Grand Inquisitor can intone "I SMELL HERESY!", and send the Space Marines. Nothing like a futuristic pyre of gamma-ray emitter logs.

Blogger . July 17, 2018 8:10 PM  

Meh, not really Peterson's problem. The church is at fault, not him.

Blogger Ransom Smith July 17, 2018 8:12 PM  

The best satire is painted in truth.

Blogger CarpeOro July 17, 2018 8:18 PM  

You confess Christ or you don't. Pretty sure the lukewarm part applies to all of those involved in that circus.

Blogger Didas Kalos July 17, 2018 8:28 PM  

Like good humor has to have an element of truth, so does good satire. Because, before clicking on the link, I said to myself, "sigh, i'm not at all surprised." I clicked on the link only to discover who were these so-called pastors (wolves in sheep's clothing.) that declared him a christian. LOL

Blogger Cecil Henry July 17, 2018 8:32 PM  

At first I thought... this can't be real.

THEN I thought, but many Churchianity churches would do this without a twinge of conscience or fear of God.

Then I realized its just the Babylon Bee....

Alas, that's not much better, just a different kind of insolence.

Blogger Loyd Jenkins July 17, 2018 8:40 PM  

Knowing it's the Bee, this it hilarious. Just close enough to the truth for trolling.

Blogger Daniel Paul Grech Pereira July 17, 2018 8:43 PM  

What is this, a meme?

Blogger The Bechtloff July 17, 2018 8:44 PM  

Lol Vox did you really fall for a BB article?

Blogger Sapper July 17, 2018 8:53 PM  

In Brazil for work and was engaged in conversation by an Indian Gentlemen on the virtues of Jordan Peterson. The cancer has metastasized....

Blogger Daniel Babylon July 17, 2018 9:01 PM  

The Bechtloff wrote:Lol Vox did you really fall for a BB article?
If he did I wouldn't blame him. BB didn't add enough absurdities to distinguish this article from the truth

Blogger Randomatos July 17, 2018 9:07 PM  

Guys, Vox knows it's satire. It's good enough rhetoric to make fun of Churchians and maybe even remind a cultist that Jordanetics isn't a real profession of Faith.

Blogger Bobiojimbo July 17, 2018 9:18 PM  

No, I don't think he did fall for it. However, the BB article does highlight a number of beliefs Christian JBP supporters hold about JBP. The article also dutifully reminds us that grace and salvation are not democractly granted, and that JBP holds many beliefs that are sins.

Good article, well written, and thanks for sharing.

Blogger Bad Attitude July 17, 2018 9:21 PM  

In Jordan Peterson's defense, he isn't a Nazi collaborator like George Soros.

Blogger bob kek mando - ( don't ask, "Who mentats the Mentats?", ask instead, "Who shitpoasts the Shitpoasters?" ) July 17, 2018 9:27 PM  

22. The Bechtloff July 17, 2018 8:44 PM
Lol Vox did you really fall for a BB article?

did you really fall for Vox trolling you with an obvious parody website?

which Vox has cited previously?

Anonymous Anonymous July 17, 2018 9:29 PM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anonymous Anonymous July 17, 2018 9:30 PM  

Then baptized by the Mormon church

Blogger Samuel Nock July 17, 2018 9:52 PM  

Rhetoric has to be grounded in truth. And so does satire. Brilliant article.

Blogger Barbarossa July 17, 2018 9:56 PM  

A two-for-the-price of-one skewering. The twin vapidities of Churchians and Peterson captured in 400 words.

Blogger Gen. Kong July 17, 2018 9:56 PM  

Ingemar wrote:
Did Jesus get a vote?

No, but both the Judeo-Christ and Golden Dindu have shown their approval via their apostle Jimmah Carter. The Reverends Jesse, Al and the hovering spirits of Saints Martin Looter Kangz and Swisher the Sweet (Gentle Giant of Fergusdishu) no doubt hoot their approval as well.

Blogger L July 17, 2018 9:56 PM  

What is that ideological perspective they share?

Blogger Nate July 17, 2018 9:57 PM  

“Most people are saved by grace,” said one of the pastors who presented the award, “Jordan Peterson isn’t most people.”

John Calvin burned people for far less.

Blogger Nate July 17, 2018 9:59 PM  

Also... if you don't read the Babylon Bee every single day... your life is simply darker than it needs to be.

Blogger pyrrhus July 17, 2018 10:04 PM  

Good quality trolling!

Blogger S1AL July 17, 2018 10:06 PM  

I think I worried some people with how hard I laughed at this one from BB:

Blogger Michael Maier July 17, 2018 10:12 PM  

So was Vox part of the folks that bought out the BB? Hmmmmmmmmmmm............

Blogger tz July 17, 2018 10:30 PM  

Being an honorary Christian is like getting an honorary degree. Or 451, as in degrees Farenheit burning in hell.

Has anyone ever been made an honorary Jew?

I worry that that Jews will get with the Pogrom. First, thanks to the multiculturalism, there is likely no longer a majority that cares about Israel or the Holocaust.
Second is the continued accusation of being Nazis if you aren't rabidly philo-Zionist.
Third, and perhaps fatal is the Civic Nationalism at best, Cuckservatism at worst of even the non-Neocon Jews.
We can have "Chinatown" where there is an ALIEN ethnic enclave in a White domain, so we can have a Jewish area, but that still requires the gratitude of a guest, not the arrogance of the entitled, especially if they are more able.

Blogger Nate Winchester July 17, 2018 10:31 PM  

have the same long-term objectives for society.

yes... that would be why Peterson has spoken against the EU repeatedly and talked multiple times about it being doomed to failure (along with other "too big" things).

Blogger Al Du Clur July 17, 2018 10:52 PM  

Babylon Bee 2.0 is really coming into its own.

Re: St. Peterson

Packaging is important. Tests on beverages, for example, show that the beverage tastes different and is perceived as better or worse depending on the package

Blogger Welsh Woodsman July 17, 2018 11:09 PM  

"Has anyone ever been made an honorary Jew?"

Ivanka Trump

"John Calvin burned people for far less."

Fake history...Arminian revisionism. Calvin never burned anyone.

"In Jordan Peterson's defense, he isn't a Nazi collaborator like George Soros."


Blogger IAM Spartacus July 17, 2018 11:10 PM  

On the one hand, very funny. On the other very telling that someone would turn that into a joke.

Blogger Wynn Lloyd July 17, 2018 11:33 PM  

90% of the prelates in the entire Church are down with the "we don't to be too rigid" madness.
How anyone can look at the current situation and think that is beyond me.

Blogger Darwinite July 18, 2018 12:40 AM  

My mum loved the one about the sentient vampire hymnals, stalking and killing the “worship director”.
“I—I played Chris Tomlin’s version of ‘Amazing Grace’ that one time, guys! Come on, you can’t do this! Guys? Guys! Agggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

Blogger Arthur Isaac July 18, 2018 12:56 AM  

Past parody.

Blogger R Webfoot July 18, 2018 1:19 AM  

"What is that ideological perspective they share?"

That (1) the cause of war and strife is that people have all these differing identity groups and outgroups, and (2) the way to account for that is to dismantle those group identities.

Blogger Zimri July 18, 2018 1:23 AM  

Judaism doesn't need to concept of the honorary Jew; it has the concept of the righteous amongst the nations.

And to the Jews' credit they *do* honour the righteous. Cyrus II is hailed in (literally) messianic terms. And Israel hosts monuments to gentiles who saved them from the Nazis.

Blogger Ian Stein July 18, 2018 1:33 AM  

For many are called, but few are chosen.
Blessed are the poor in spirit.
Clean your room and enter the Kingdom of God.

Blogger John Galt July 18, 2018 2:00 AM  

Amen Ian Stein. No moist boys here.

Blogger John Galt July 18, 2018 2:02 AM  

One of the great lessons of life is that all of the evil, sin, heartache; everything bad in this world; it's because of YOU. It's what Jesus came to teach us. Change yourself; change your state of mind; and you'll change your world.

Blogger John Galt July 18, 2018 2:04 AM  

There is one and only one thing in this world you can control: your mind. Even your body will rebel against you. Don't blame other people, don't blame circumstance: BLAME YOUR FUCKING SELF. Change your mind and the world changes with you.

Blogger TM Lutas July 18, 2018 2:11 AM  

The first question when receiving a confident assertion should always be, is it true?
"Though the Canadian professor has never identified as a Christian"

This statement is not actually true.

You can say he's not really a christian despite his statement in the video, or that he's the wrong kind or he's odd as hell, all legitimate points of view. To say that he's never identified as one is just off the table.

Blogger The Kurgan July 18, 2018 2:26 AM  

We must do more than pray.
While storming the Vatican and burning all the pederasts in it at the stake would be a good start, we probably need to organise ourselves a little more first. We don’t need huge numbers either. As Vox says, it only took 11 men.
What we do need is a coherent group that spreads the word properly, and in time, we absolutely need to turf out the impostors.

I’m working on it.

Blogger The Kurgan July 18, 2018 2:36 AM  

A lie is not the truth. So no.

Blogger Duke Norfolk July 18, 2018 5:04 AM  

Heh, heh. Yes, much too believable. I too thought it could be a real story, before looking at the source.

I mean why not, right? These people have walked right up to this line already. And, of course, the Unitarians, et al have long crossed it.

Blogger SciVo July 18, 2018 5:06 AM  

The left has made JBP an honorary Nazi MRA, while the right has made him an honorary American cuckservative. Now this? What a guy! So honorable, like a projector screen.

Blogger Peter Gent July 18, 2018 6:25 AM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Tim from Nashua July 18, 2018 7:06 AM  

From the Babylon Bee, emphasis on Babylon

Blogger VD July 18, 2018 7:18 AM  

Lol Vox did you really fall for a BB article?

Congratulations. You managed to embarrass yourself twice in a single sentence.

Blogger Martin July 18, 2018 9:15 AM  

The BB guys are spot on as usual.

Blogger Patrikbc July 18, 2018 9:20 AM  

I “heart emoji” this reply.

Blogger republicanmother July 18, 2018 9:21 AM  

My daughter was in a college class with a Canadian girl. She said where us down south have pastors to interpret Reality, Canadians have psychologist to do that job. This pastor's kid who overheard that was irritated by the comparison, but this story proves the point. Each culture has its own flavor of philosopher king.

Blogger Cloudbuster July 18, 2018 9:32 AM  

“Most people are saved by grace,” said one of the pastors who presented the award, “Jordan Peterson isn’t most people.”

This is unbelievably disgusting and heretical that alleged Christian leaders think they have the authority to usurp God's authority and bestow even "honorary" Christianity on someone.

Blogger Cloudbuster July 18, 2018 9:33 AM  

Argh. Babylon Bee. Nevermind.

Blogger tkatchev July 18, 2018 10:20 AM  

righteous amongst the nations

Translated to modern American English that would be "good goy".


Blogger OneWingedShark July 18, 2018 11:01 AM  

Dire Badger wrote:The worst part is, this comedy site is altogether too believable.
Yeah; that is the problem with things the past few years: reality has become so twisted that saying "parody is obsolete" isn't too far from the truth. -- For example: FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies.

Blogger Nate July 18, 2018 12:22 PM  

I have a Babylon bee T-shirt. The Bee is always on point.

Blogger szook July 18, 2018 1:29 PM  

Thank you for this post, Mr Day, thank you. The shear number of walk backs on this thread as people realize they have fallen for the BB once again is glorious.

Blogger CM July 18, 2018 2:02 PM  

Ha ha! I knew this was the Bee without clicking. They are great.

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