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Wednesday, September 26, 2018

The God-Emperor at the UN

Spacebunny sent me this useful and amusing summary of the God-Emperor's speech, composed by someone on Facebook.

I guess it's that time again. He always makes these speeches so long. Anyway, here's a summary of each paragraph of Trump's 2018 UN speech

1. Listen up, bitches
2. I pretty much already covered all this shit last year, but I guess it bears repeating
3. Check it out, I've been on a roll
4. My administration is better than all the other presidential administrations the US has ever had. I've made these last two years my bitch
5. Why's everybody laughing at me?
6. Not to brag or anything but I basically saved the entire economy. Even minorities have jobs now.
7. Taxation is theft and we're building The Wall
8. You thought our military was fucking hardcore before? Sheeet, wait until you see them now that we're actually paying them
9. Thanks to me, AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
10. America First
11. Globalism is shit
12. Cultures are distinct, so act your culture
13. America likes to declare independence. We're gonna declare independence from the rest of you globalist sons of bitches
14. Do you, boo
15. Let us do us
16. So I just got back from a world tour and everybody who matters likes me
17. I even got the Norks to chill the fuck out
18. No shit, there I was: Staring Rocket Man in the face
19. It's alright though, I smoothed it out
20. Dude's getting rid of his nukes and giving us back our dead bodies we've been wanting back
21. Not too shabby, Li'l Kim. (Don't fuck this up)
22. Everybody who helped out with that is cool in my book. It was pretty much the greatest peace talk ever talked. Just sayin'
23. Shout out to Real Korea, Japan, and China


24. Oh, and I'm fixing the Middle East, too
25. I put most of the countries there to work fucking over Iran and ISIS
26. They're spending money to help with Syria and Yemen, too. Ya hear that Iran? We can outspend your fucking Obama money
27. But, I don't really want to get involved
28. Except when I do, so I've been delegating to the less fucked-up sand countries
29. I FUCKING KILLED ISIS!
30. Syria's a damn shitshow. But so help me, if I see one more chemical weapon attack...
31. Glad to see Jordan is taking in refugees from Syria. Better you than me, Abdullah
32. But seriously, it's a lot better than flying them all the way over here. RIGHT, EUROPE?
33. Iran's trying to get away with its involvement? YOU THOUGHT!
34. Fuck you, Iran! I know what you've been up to, you garbage-ass regime! All you do is ruin everything else for everyone else, you miserable sons of bitches!
35. Seriously, even your own citizens are sick of your shit, Iran! Where'd all that Obama money go, eh Iran? Terrorism? Yeah, I'm sure your people are just THRILLED about that! 0/10 all around, Iran
36. The Iran Deal was shit, and everybody knows it
37. We basically funded their military dictatorship, nuclear weapons programs, and terrorism. Thanks, Obama
38. -But then I came to tooown- and let Iran know who's boss. DEAL'S OFF, BITCHES!
39. Like, seriously, who the fuck thought letting Iran have nukes was a good idea?
40. Everybody point and laugh at Iran's government. Their people are cool, though. #IranProtests
41. Jerusalem? More like Jew-rusalem, amirite?
42. Let's clear some shit up about the Israel conflict, alright? Israel has a right to exist.
43. Fuck what you used to do, we're being pragmatic, here.
44. You ain't gonna take advantage of the US anymore, you freeloaders.
45. I'm sick of all this "made in China" crap
46. We buy all their shit and they don't buy all of our stuff and they do all that skeezy, nerdy, accountant stuff to take advantage of us
47. No more, I say!
48. So I made some great deals with Mexico and Real Korea. Expect yuge discounts on taco bowls and Samsung phones
49. The WTO is a fucking joke.
50. China took all our manufacturing jobs
51. THAT SHIT ENDS NOW, CHINA!
52. Would you like some tariffs with your rice?
53. America First
54. The UN Human Rights Council is a fucking joke, too
55. Y'all wouldn't listen to Nikki Haley when she told you that
56. So deuces, we out
57. Same with your International Criminal Court. It's all bullshit
58. You have no power, here, G̶a̶n̶d̶a̶l̶f̶ ICC
59. Everyone should leave the EU. Run your own damn countries
60. America's killin' it in the energy industry
61. We have so much energy to sell
62. Those other oil-producing countries will rip you off and that makes me angry
63. Seriously, it's a scam. They're like the Comcast of countries. Stop falling for it.
64. Poland is way smarter than Germany
65. Men of the West! Protect yourselves from foreign influence!
66. The Monroe Doctrine is back and better than ever!
67. Now about those Mexican immigrants, they're being trafficked. Lame
68. It's all the street gangs and cartels. Getting rid of them, and building The Wall, are the only ways to fix things
69. Your country, your immigration rules. Our country, our immigration rules. Fuck that "global citizen" malarkey
70. Make Your Countries Great Again
71. SOCIALISM. DOESN'T. WORK.
72. Venezuela used to be great, but then along came socialism. Now it sucks.
73. Socialism and Communism have never worked, never will work, and only ever result in tragedy. It's the Goddamn worst
74. We're making Venezuela great again by hitting Maduro and his entourage in the pocket books. We were able to identify their pocketbooks because they're THE ONLY ONES IN THE COUNTRY WHO HAVE THEM
75. The UN tries, we'll give you that
76. But the US is still better at charity. Seriously, we give and give and nobody ever returns the favor. So we're gonna be a lot more stingy with our wallets until the entire world stops taking us for a ride
77. So we're only going to give money to the cool kids. And we're not going to protect you guys, either. Time for you to buy your own militaries
78. The UN could be cool if it just changed everything about it
79. And we're only going to pay for the stuff we like, now, too
80. Start pulling your own weight, you damned freeloaders
81. The UN is good in concept, terrible in execution
82. Every country has something to contribute
83. India's doing great
84. Saudi Arabia's shaping up
85. Israel's still here, bitch!
86. Poland's had enough of your shit, EU
87. All cool things, if I do say so myself
88. Distinct borders and cultures make the world a better place
89. Things just work out better with cultural homogeneity
90. America's gotta America
91. America, FUCK YEAH!
92. Love your country like Americans love America
93. Patriotism: It's what's for dinner
94. Shhhh. Don't fight it. Just let it happen
95. In order to make it work though, YOU NEED A BORDER AND SOVEREIGNTY
96. You'll do better, the world will do better. Everybody wins
97. MOTHAFUCKIN' FREEDOOOOM!!
98. Well, time to hit the ol' dusty trail
99. You've been a great crowd. Thank you

Labels: , ,

60 Comments:

Blogger bob kek mando - ( it is the burden of Women to need to improve the Men around them. it is the burden of Men to need to ignore the Silly Bints ) September 26, 2018 8:07 AM  

best crowd ever! ( but that's only because they were in the United States, you really wouldn't expect anything but the YUGEST applause lines here )

Blogger doctrev September 26, 2018 8:10 AM  

"We see a culture that is strong and despise it as crude."

People look down on the impending idiocracy, mostly deservedly, but this speech would have been awesome delivered as-is. It takes effort to put all the major points across in a lowest common denominator, while making yourself unmistakably final. Maybe the President and Melania enter and exit the room on the back of a tiger or something. I dunno, I'm not Milo and have no showmanship.

Blogger bob kek mando - ( it is the burden of Women to need to improve the Men around them. it is the burden of Men to need to ignore the Silly Bints ) September 26, 2018 8:13 AM  

2. doctrev September 26, 2018 8:10 AM
Maybe the President and Melania enter and exit the room on the back of a tiger or something. I dunno, I'm not Milo and have no showmanship.



oh, COME ON.

"on the back of a tiger"?

clearly, you have just exposed yourself as a Shill For Putin.

Blogger Goes211 September 26, 2018 8:14 AM  

Said President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Blogger justthinkin September 26, 2018 8:17 AM  

100. Who's laughing now, bitches?

Blogger Dirk Manly September 26, 2018 8:19 AM  

The best part is that he said all of this INSIDE THE U.N. BUILDING.

Blogger Molly September 26, 2018 8:22 AM  

Haha! Spot on....except for Trumps final (and most important) point:

#100 Recognize God's grace & glory or things will go badly for you...you're not going to want to test Him on this.

Blogger Shimshon September 26, 2018 8:23 AM  

41. Jerusalem? More like Jew-rusalem, amirite?

There's a little something for everyone! Trump's my kind of anti-Semite.

Blogger Ominous Cowherd September 26, 2018 8:25 AM  

bob kek mando - ( it is the burden of Women to need to improve the Men around them. it is the burden of Men to need to ignore the Silly Bints ) wrote:oh, COME ON.

"on the back of a tiger"?

clearly, you have just exposed yourself as a Shill For Putin.


Come on, bob, it can't be on the back of a bear - that's the Russian symbol.
Lions are too African.
Mountain lions and wolverines are too small.
A killer whale would be great, except a whale on a cart on stage would just be ridiculous.

It has to be a tiger, awed into submission by the god emperor's awesome aura of awesomeness.

Blogger Shimshon September 26, 2018 8:27 AM  

100. Are you tired of winning yet?

Blogger Matthew McDaniel September 26, 2018 8:27 AM  

Wow, the YouTube transcriptions are stunningly accurate.

Blogger Silent Draco September 26, 2018 8:29 AM  

Did I miss one? No ALL YUR BASE IS BELONG US?

Blogger doctrev September 26, 2018 8:30 AM  

Ominous Cowherd wrote:bob kek mando - ( it is the burden of Women to need to improve the Men around them. it is the burden of Men to need to ignore the Silly Bints ) wrote:oh, COME ON.

"on the back of a tiger"?

clearly, you have just exposed yourself as a Shill For Putin.


Come on, bob, it can't be on the back of a bear - that's the Russian symbol.

Lions are too African.

Mountain lions and wolverines are too small.

A killer whale would be great, except a whale on a cart on stage would just be ridiculous.


I was thinking Indian elephant, only it would probably kill some delegates when it charged in, and cause major property damage to the UN as it...

Dammit. I should have said elephant.

Blogger Avalanche September 26, 2018 8:32 AM  

Great 'translation' -- I'm actually gonna go listen to the God Emperor's speech now!

Blogger Al From Bay Shore September 26, 2018 8:35 AM  

This makes me less fearful of the future of America as I once was. It appears that Trump has a grasp of the trends that Vox, Molyneux, and Paglia have cited as indicators of potential dissolution and civil strife (See Spanish Civil War). #Hope

Blogger Dave September 26, 2018 8:37 AM  

It's the Kid Rock Translation of the POTUS' 2018 UN Speech.

Blogger Shimshon September 26, 2018 8:38 AM  

Better than the SD0 translation of the 16 Points.

Blogger Ransom Smith September 26, 2018 8:40 AM  

Should be Best Korea and not Real Korea.
Otherwise not bad for an attempt at chanspeak .
8/10 I laughed.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother September 26, 2018 8:47 AM  

As I was listening to the speech, I could pick out just about every one of the 16 points.

Blogger Desdichado September 26, 2018 8:55 AM  

Freakin brilliant.

Blogger Damelon Brinn September 26, 2018 9:01 AM  

We need Kanye to rap this. He raps, right?

Blogger CM September 26, 2018 9:08 AM  

I was thinking Indian elephant, only it would probably kill some delegates when it charged in, and cause major property damage to the UN as it...

What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned American mount? We used to be damn proud of our mustangs.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother September 26, 2018 9:12 AM  

A silver steed, of course!

Blogger Johnny September 26, 2018 9:15 AM  

If there is going to be an animal it should be native to America. Predictor cats and wolves are neat but too small. I say Klondike Grizzly or Buffalo. And forget about entering from the side, go right down the middle with the animal clearing a path.

Blogger Mr. B.A.D. September 26, 2018 9:27 AM  

Nice shout out to Men of the West!

Blogger Johnny September 26, 2018 9:28 AM  

The Untied States the best cash cows that can be had. What UN politics amounts to is that they don't want to interfere with the flow of funds from us to them, and globalism is an effort to increase the size of that flow. Thus they support it.

Blogger Desdichado September 26, 2018 9:41 AM  

CM wrote:
What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned American mount? We used to be damn proud of our mustangs.


Clearly what we need to do is use our superior science to clone sabertooth tigers back into existence and then claim them as our mascot. Either that or genetically engineer bald eagles to be roc sized and then have Trump ride one in to the UN.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash September 26, 2018 9:55 AM  

Goes211 wrote:Said President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
damn gamma midwits...

Blogger CM September 26, 2018 9:57 AM  

Clearly what we need to do is use our superior science to clone sabertooth tigers back into existence and then claim them as our mascot. Either that or genetically engineer bald eagles to be roc sized and then have Trump ride one in to the UN.

Now we're talking

Blogger CarpeOro September 26, 2018 10:01 AM  

@24
As a nod to Ted Nugent and the tribes of the plains, make it a Great White Buffalo. And no, that isn't racist. White buffaloes are sacred amongst the tribes of the plains.

Blogger Revelation Means Hope September 26, 2018 10:06 AM  

Mastodon

Blogger Daniel Paul Grech Pereira September 26, 2018 10:23 AM  

Here in Sicily, I see too many filthy invaders polluting the streets. #MakeSiciliaGreatAgain

Blogger Daniel Paul Grech Pereira September 26, 2018 10:25 AM  

I second that motion. All in favour take a swig of beer.

Blogger JC September 26, 2018 10:28 AM  

If he had finished by reminding them the U.N. is located on US soil and they had 24 hours to evacuate the building (and the country) before they were arrested and deported, that would have been the best ending. Then the UN could be turned into Space Force HQ.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother September 26, 2018 10:30 AM  

After a thorough fumigation

Blogger jaericho September 26, 2018 10:59 AM  

13/10 would read again. That was hilarious.

Blogger Nostromo September 26, 2018 11:06 AM  

"Radioactive Bear Cavalry. They don't have long to live. Neither do you."

Blogger Lazarus September 26, 2018 11:24 AM  

GE don't like people laughing at the wrong spots. I bet the tapes were viewed and names taken.

Reminds me of the first shootout scene in Fistful of Dollars.

See, my mule don't like people laughin'. He gets the crazy idea they're laughin' at him. Now, if you'll just apologize...

Blogger Steve Canyon September 26, 2018 11:53 AM  

All he'd need to do is strip them of their diplomatic immunity and the lot of them would soil their shorts before they left the room.

Blogger Duke Norfolk September 26, 2018 11:58 AM  

Heh, heh. That's how I like my political speech transcripts. Nicely distilled. And the moderate shitlordery of the G-E is pretty good. Hoping for it to get more extreme over the next few years!

Blogger Bobiojimbo September 26, 2018 11:58 AM  

Love it. More please.

Blogger pdwalker September 26, 2018 11:58 AM  

Hmmm. That reminds me how much I miss Spacebunny on Twitter.

Blogger Lance E September 26, 2018 12:15 PM  

Lazarus wrote:GE don't like people laughing at the wrong spots. I bet the tapes were viewed and names taken.

That's how I interpreted his remark. He didn't ignore them. Nor did he try to make a witty retort or get them to stop. Just a matter-of-fact, "Oh yes, I noticed. Thanks for outing yourselves".

The laughing also reveals the implausibly high time preference of these UN functionaries. They can't keep it together when their lives literally depend on it.

Blogger Dirk Manly September 26, 2018 12:19 PM  

@21

"We need Kanye to rap this. He raps, right?"

Never do ANYTHING which justifies or encourages more Retards Attempting Poetry or
Racist, Antagonistic Propaganda

Blogger Lucius Cincinnatus September 26, 2018 12:32 PM  

90% of Trump's speech was excellent, while 10% of his speech was absolutely disgusting. Trump's shilling for the Neo-con agenda against Iran was nauseating. Iran is one of the least worst actors in the region compared to, hmm...let's see...Israel.

USA needs to GET OUT of the entire region. We do not benefit and we have not benefited from our warmongering and Israel-cucking in the region. It's cost America far too many lives, trillions of dollars wasted, and millions of (some fake / some real) "refugees" are flooding into Europe causing massive long-term problems for the region.

Trump is a good president. If he can pull back on the neo-con rhetoric and cease meddling in foreign affairs that do not directly involve us, then Trump will be a great president.

Blogger Lovekraft September 26, 2018 1:03 PM  

That is gold. Contrasts so much with the doublespeak of the cucks and professional empathy dispersers.

Blogger jimmy_the_freak September 26, 2018 1:20 PM  

He would have to come in leading a pack of wolves! Wolves always recognize Alpha!

Blogger InformationMerchant September 26, 2018 1:57 PM  

He has the best words.

Blogger Johnny Reb September 26, 2018 3:22 PM  

Should have come in with a sheep and said "hello all you steeple, shit! Now I know everyone's shit's emotional right now but let me break it down for ya. Now y'all wanna call me Not Smart but lemme show ya my 99 points. I've fixed the economy, made production grooow again, made the world safe again...aand I did it alll in twoo yeears.

Then when they laughed, he could pull out his auto bring the plaster down on their heads and say "that's what I thought!" then they could bring out a high plains stallion, bareback of course, mount it, grab Melania's hand, swing her up behind him, rear the horse and shout "high, go America! Away!!!" Just for effect the horse would take a giant crap on the stage before they galloped away.

Blogger Solon September 26, 2018 3:37 PM  

Trump is soooo close to being the best president in living memory. If he walks our foreign policy back to the founders' original warning to "let the rest of the world go to shit, not our problem over here in America (fuck yeah!)," then he'll cement his place in history as the best president since Washington.

And the most amazing part is to realize he's done all this in just two years. He's still got SIX more years to go, as long as he can avoid being assassinated (God willing, and pray as hard as you can that God wills it. Deus Vult.)

Blogger Silent Draco September 26, 2018 4:02 PM  

Retro sabertooth tiger. I like it. Maybe with a brace of X-laser pistols on the saddle, next to the nerve-whip.

One laugh.

"MY MOUNT HUNGERS!"

Terrified silence.

Blogger Expendable Faceless Minion September 26, 2018 6:45 PM  

A little gene splicing and:
A North.American Tyrannosaurus.

Blogger Dirk Manly September 26, 2018 6:45 PM  

If Trump is assassinated, the civil war will start within hours, and there will be absolutely no mercy for leftists. None.
They won't be allowed to renounce their beliefs, they'll be mass-executed, and all of their writings burned.

Blogger Dirk Manly September 26, 2018 6:45 PM  

And then outlawed.

Blogger Expendable Faceless Minion September 26, 2018 6:49 PM  

I'd have just aplolgized to the damned mule. No skin off my nose.

Blogger Red Bane September 26, 2018 10:49 PM  

Hmmm.

The speech sounded like more globalist, interventionist, Zionist, CFR business as usual nonsense to me. Is Trump yet another global hitman for the oil cartels like all the others before him that people like Smedly Butler tried to warn us about? Looking increasingly so.

Looks like America First will have to get to the back of the line again while Trump does the CIA's international business for them.

Blogger Zeroh Tollrants September 27, 2018 4:48 AM  

Zebra. Nobody does zebras.

Blogger Ominous Cowherd September 27, 2018 7:52 AM  

Zeroh Tollrants wrote:Zebra. Nobody does zebras

The theme is apex predators, not fom Africa. Zebras fail both criteria. Sorry, deary.

Blogger The Lab Manager September 27, 2018 9:15 PM  

Trump: "By the way, when I said sometime ago that other countries where 'shitholes', could I see a show of hands of how many of you thought I was talking about your country?"

Blogger gichan September 30, 2018 5:50 PM  

Sweet tea spit keyboard warning please.

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