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Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Bad parents post

I've been saying this for years. Now the children are finally getting old enough to speak for themselves:
My parents had long ago made the rule that my siblings and I weren’t allowed to use social media until we turned 13, which was late, compared to many of my friends who started using  Instagram, Wattpad, and Tumblr when we were 10 years old.

While I was sometimes curious what my sister was laughing at and commenting on, and what my friends liked about it, I didn’t really have much of an interest in social media, and since I didn’t have a smartphone and wasn’t allowed to join any sites at all until I was 13, it wasn’t much of an issue for me.

Then, several months ago, when I turned 13, my mom gave me the green light and I joined Twitter and Facebook. The first place I went, of course, was my mom’s profiles. That’s when I realized that while this might have been the first time I was allowed on social media, it was far from the first time my photos and stories had appeared online. When I saw the pictures that she had been posting on Facebook for years, I felt utterly embarrassed, and deeply betrayed.

There, for anyone to see on her public Facebook account, were all of the embarrassing moments from my childhood: The letter I wrote to the tooth fairy when I was five years old, pictures of me crying when I was a toddler, and even vacation pictures of me when I was 12 and 13 that I had no knowledge of. It seemed that my entire life was documented on her Facebook account, and for 13 years, I had no idea.
I realize this will be a very unpopular opinion in some circles, but I firmly believe that posting pictures of your children in public is fundamentally bad parenting. I wonder how many parent-child relationships will be permanently damaged because Mommy or Daddy was using their children to attention-whore.

Labels:

81 Comments:

Blogger Richard Holmes March 20, 2019 2:51 PM  

posting pictures of your children in public is fundamentally bad parenting. - VD

This I very much agree. I worked extra hard so that my children's pictures never got on the internet, much less social media. My ex-wife, not so much. I saw her more then once air her dirty laundry whenever she was mad at one of the kids. I barked at her and had a gazillion people from her church pile on me. Needles to say they still think I worship the devil.

Blogger Richard Holmes March 20, 2019 2:52 PM  

Needles... Ouch, nice typo

Blogger liberranter March 20, 2019 3:00 PM  

I realize this will be a very unpopular opinion in some circles, but I firmly believe that posting pictures of your children in public is fundamentally bad parenting. I wonder how many parent-child relationships will be permanently damaged because Mommy or Daddy was using their children to attention-whore.

As if the fact that they without a second thought dump their children into paedophile-run day care centers and then abandon them to violence-ridden, enstupidating day prisons (a.k.a. publik skoolz) wasn't evidence enough, what more proof do we need that not only do most parents not give a dried rat shit about their children's wellbeing, but are actually and overtly contemptuous of them?

Blogger SDaly March 20, 2019 3:01 PM  

Neither my wife nor I have ever posted about our kids on social media. The only account I have is a pseudonym Twitter account. My mother in law, however, does post about my kids, and she won't stop. I've stopped sending her pictures of vacations, birthdays, etc.

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener March 20, 2019 3:12 PM  

Virtual kidnappings are happening now. Beware of cloud storage and image sharing apps too. You never know who is going to end up having that data.

Blogger Unknown March 20, 2019 3:15 PM  

I firmly believe that posting pictures of your children in public is fundamentally bad parenting.

I agree.

Blogger Wuzzums Fuzzums March 20, 2019 3:16 PM  

Gossip used to be a bad word, now it's what people beg for.

Blogger Ingemar March 20, 2019 3:18 PM  

It's obscene, sickening.

My cousin has plastered pictures of her 8-year old daughter ever since she was born at an average rate of maybe a dozen posts per day. My classmate is doing the same with his still-infant son.

If I ever get married it will be very important for me that my Mrs. is not a social media addict. I don't want my children shaking their rear ends for Saruman.

Blogger S. Misanthrope March 20, 2019 3:23 PM  

Vox, did you see the columnist who writes about her family? A few months ago she posted about her young daughter getting an iPad for Christmas and discovering that there were pictures of her all over the internet. The daughter was very upset and asked her mom to take them down. Her mom told her the internet doesn’t work that way and “furthermore I’m not done writing about my experience of motherhood.”

These people are complete trash.

Blogger Mocheirge March 20, 2019 3:25 PM  

If you don't post pictures of and anecdotes about your kids online, how will your friends know that you're a good parent who educates them according to the zeitgeist? No pictures your kid in a rainbow dress at "Drag Queen Story Hour" implies child abuse -- how dare you deprive them of enrichment! If parents don't perform their civic duty of freely sharing their family's private lives, we'll have to get the state to monitor them instead!

I was watching an old TV show, and a mother pulled out her daughter's childhood photo album to show to the daughter's new boyfriend. I think it was supposed to be funny because the audience knew it was embarrassing for the girl, and the mother was more or less oblivious to the shame. Now it's funny because of the girl's overreaction. Progress!

GKC's "topsy-turvydom" was a rather benign, understated way of saying "satanic, inverted society".

Blogger The Contrarian March 20, 2019 3:41 PM  

"Sonia Bokhari is an 8th grader and a persuasive and narrative writer. She is also the leader of her middle school’s Gay-Straight Alliance and a member of the school’s Environmental Club."

How great, the Gay-Straight Alliance in middle "school". That's why my kids don't go to public school, which represents a much greater problem than pictures on social media.

Blogger widlast washere March 20, 2019 3:44 PM  

Don't do Faceborg, Twatter, or any of that crap. I come from a culture that is fundamentally distrustful of strangers (Appalachian White). Would never think of posting any information about any family anywhere. Why give information or ammunition to your enemies?

Blogger Tunervince March 20, 2019 3:44 PM  

Is there nothing sacred any more?

Blogger VFM Bear March 20, 2019 3:45 PM  

Parents? Or mothers?

Gay 'dads' don't count.

Blogger Roddie Piper March 20, 2019 3:49 PM  

If you're courting a pretty woman who won't show you her family photo album, beware, you might be this guy:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/ugly-story/

Only the part about the court awarding damages is a hoax.

Blogger Solon March 20, 2019 4:02 PM  

@Widlast washers

I respectfully disagree on Appalachian whites being distrustful of strangers. I'm Appalachian white myself, and the locals where I'm at are... You could describe them as 'surly,' probably, but not a one is outright distrustful of our fellow whites. As long as you're respectful, it's very much "live and let live," if not jovial.

Now, if you're black... You're going to get the stink eye the entire time you're in our presence. We've seen enough ghetto trash and drugs emigrating from Philly and Pittsburgh to know better. The motto for them is "around blacks, never relax."

Blogger Longtime Lurker March 20, 2019 4:04 PM  

Because as everyone knows, posting your kids' pictures on line guarantees admission to the Ivy League college of their choice.

Blogger Matt March 20, 2019 4:05 PM  

Child modeling, child acting, any use of a child's image should be illegal.

Blogger bodenlose Schweinerei March 20, 2019 4:11 PM  

@5 - The sad thing is it's not the least bit surprising that such things happen. Adding in all the pervs legally allowed to be on social media, and posting pics of your kids is damn close to kicking them out the front door buck naked.

Blogger dc.sunsets March 20, 2019 4:31 PM  

When I was younger people paid EXTRA to have an unlisted address/phone.

Now people can't wait to put up the most personal details of their lives (and of all those with whom they're associated.)

How many times do I repeat this:
Pathologically Trusting
Pathologically Open
Pathologically Altruistic
Pathologically "engaged."

This mania has lasted so long that no one even remembers sanity anymore.

Blogger Don't Call Me Len March 20, 2019 4:32 PM  

My personal fave-rave is people who intersperse rants on their strong, even violent political opinions with pics of their little darlings. Well played, genius, you're really earning that "World's Best Mom" mug.

Blogger Desdichado March 20, 2019 4:36 PM  

She's got more to worry about than that: "Sonia Bokhari is an 8th grader and a persuasive and narrative writer. She is also the leader of her middle school’s Gay-Straight Alliance and a member of the school’s Environmental Club."

Not to mention a total drama queen. Where the parents teaching her right and wrong there?

Blogger dc.sunsets March 20, 2019 4:40 PM  

The "zeitgeist" (or mass mood) is currently pathologically open and trusting. Most people feel it as an utter COMPULSION to put their lives into the Public Domain, to act like this society is one big orgy where sex, bathroom habits and suspicious moles are to be shared with everyone.

It's like a group of people who have a few drinks and then go to a tattoo parlor. None of them has the spine to say, "thanks, but NO THANKS" so everyone wakes up the next day with a banal little cartoon bunny on their ass.

This collective insanity has lasted solidly two decades longer than I'd have ever imagined. No one knows when it will finally end, but end it will...no tree grows to the sky. When it reverses/inverts, people will feel utterly compelled to behave differently. My guess is that the rage-quotient will be EPIC, like one day realizing that everyone who you trusted was laughing at and robbing you the whole time.

The snowflakes will suicide. The non-snowflakes will "assist them."

Blogger Fargoth March 20, 2019 4:44 PM  

Text taken from a 2018 post by Katie Bower, an "Insta-mommy" about her disappointment with her youngest son's performance on her instagram:

"Guys I am gonna be perfectly honest," Bower wrote in her original post, which has since been deleted from her Instagram account. "Instagram never liked my Munchkin and it killed me inside. His photos never got as many likes. Never got comments. From a statistical point of view, he wasn’t as popular with everyone out there...I say all that because I want to believe that it wasn’t him — that it was on me...because I truly KNOW that my Munch deserves alllllll the likes...whether or not a stranger gives it to them."

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-blogger-shamed-post-about-son-instagram-t143055

Blogger dc.sunsets March 20, 2019 4:44 PM  

PS: at my wife's school a 6th-grade girl just made waves by sending nude selfies to several of her male classmates.

I truly do not understand why giving a audio-video transceiver to a child is deemed wise. I sort of get why one does so once the kids can drive, but even there, why is there zero demand for a mobile phone that is ONLY a PHONE?

Blogger K G March 20, 2019 4:51 PM  

It’s all blackmail so first world millennials and gen z can never hold political office. All their ignorant and formerly dismissed social media postings and imagery will limit them from ever attempting to stand out publicly. Unless no one cares by then because the faux outrage virtue signaling falls out of fashion.

Blogger sammibandit March 20, 2019 5:03 PM  

@ K G

You get it. A young lady in my province was elected as a provincial rep. She was made to sit independent when her photos with a metal band were shared widely online. At the time the photos were taken she was dating the lead singer and they did a grim and dark photoshoot in a farmer's field against a barbed wire cow fence. Apparently her photos showed she didn't take seriously violence against women. Photos giving the bird in front of the Canadian flag weren't a problem though. I feel badly for the representative since she was elected legally. Her older NDP lifers (the same party JBP volunteered for as a teen) wanted to use her as an example.

Blogger Joe Smith March 20, 2019 5:18 PM  

This isn't specifically why we don't put any pictures at all of our child up on social media, but it does support our decision.

Blogger Nick Nash March 20, 2019 5:20 PM  

@ K G

Excellent point. Terrifying, really.

Blogger robwbright March 20, 2019 5:58 PM  

IMO, the girl in the story is almost certainly lying about not knowing her mom was posting pics and such of her.

People who post their kids' pics on social media get feedback on those pics from friends and family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, etc... Many comment and say how cute the kid is or whatever.

Parents love to tell their kids the positive and/or funny reactions that the pics get. And the kids like those reactions. Even if the parent doesn't tell the kid they posted the pic, grandma WILL mention it the next time they see the grandkid.

As such, it is virtually impossible that the kid was not aware that her pics were being posted. She may not have realized the extent of the postings, but she had to know some of it was going on.

The whole article screams "attention whore". OMG MY PARENTS POSTED A PIC OF ME CRYING WHEN I WAS A TODDLER!!!!!!!!

But that couldn't be... A 14 year old girl would NEVER make up a story about their parents to get attention.

Would they?

Especially not one who is the leader of her middle school's "Gay Straight Alliance", as it says at the end of the article.

Right?

Blogger SidVic March 20, 2019 5:59 PM  

I don't know. FB seems like reasonable way to keep family up on the doings within a family. That said i sat my kids down early (i concede that i'm a paranoid nut) say 3rd grade and cautioned them to never commit anything to electronics, especially pictures. never to get a tattoo because that is the way the guverment track you etc... I'm satisfied to relate we are tattoo free and the kids are pretty cagey with internet use. I doubt that any black face pics will crop up to haunt them in any case. I did have to nip one 21-and-me foray in the bud. Sheesh you might as well send a set of fingerprints and a confession letter into the FBI.

Blogger Akulkis March 20, 2019 6:08 PM  

My cousin has been doing this with her two sons for years. My mom has repeatedly warned her that the end result will be as described by the 13-year old quoted in the OP. Cousin refuses to stop because she thinks it's cute.

It's going to get ugly when those two boys eventually get on the Internet.

Blogger Damelon Brinn March 20, 2019 6:17 PM  

We're not talking about a posed picture from the family reunion or of the kid on graduation day. We're talking about specifically embarrassing or painful personal moments that the mom got off on sharing. (And even if this particular case is made up, we all know that goes on constantly.) The mom shared those moments because *she* enjoyed them and *she* enjoyed the social buzz they gave her, without a thought for how the kid would feel.

If the daughter is now being a drama queen about it, well, it appears she learned from the best.

Blogger VD March 20, 2019 6:29 PM  

I don't know. FB seems like reasonable way to keep family up on the doings within a family.

Then you're either VERY stupid or you haven't paid attention to a single Facebook-related news story in years.

Blogger CF NEAL March 20, 2019 6:32 PM  

Bingo is thew name-o.

Blogger Kat March 20, 2019 6:34 PM  

It doesn't surprise me at all that kids don't realize the extent of their presence on-line. You might know that your mom is posting pictures of y'all eating ice cream on Spring Break and not realize that she's also been posting about your first crush, that horrible temper tantrum, the teacher who didn't like/didn't like you, etc.

Blogger Unknown March 20, 2019 6:39 PM  

This goes one step further as well, considering what this information is used for. Think about how effectively they market your data and give your information to the highest relevant buyer - that’s after joining it willingly! Imagine what it will be like for these kids whose entire daily lives are a part of public record - big brother and data mining rejoice in knowing more about you than you do. I think it truly makes clear what Assange meant when he said “children who are born now are the last generation that will know freedom.”

Blogger Daniel March 20, 2019 6:41 PM  

OT: Behold the cuck.

Cucks never sleep.

https://nypost.com/2019/03/18/far-right-swedish-politician-faces-expulsion-for-suggesting-new-mosque-would-help-city/

"A Swedish far-right politician says he is facing possible expulsion after proposing that the municipality he represents build a mosque to draw in more immigrants.

Mark Collins, a 63-year-old municipal council member for the city of Kramfors, said he believed an influx of immigrants was the only solution to fight the city’s continuing population decline, according to The Local.

The politician represents the Sweden Democrats, an anti-immigrant party, which he joined during the refugee crisis in 2015 when he felt that no other party was willing to have honest debates on the possible impact taking in so many immigrants could have on the country, The Telegraph reports.

Collins, an American who moved to Sweden in 1974 to be with his Swedish wife, said Kramfors has been losing about 100 people per year, and surrounding Västernorrland County has lost as many as 500 citizens annually.

In an interview with Dagens Nyheter, a Swedish newspaper, Collins said that Kramfors’ population has been cut in half over the last 30 years.

Even refugees placed in Kramfors during the 2015 crisis had moved south to more metropolitan areas.

“My idea is that if you have a mosque and a cultural center, then you empower the Muslims to be responsible for our town and the area up here,” Collins told The Local, adding, “Hopefully we will get a lot of them to come up and stay.”

But reaction from his party has been anything but supportive.

Henrik Gustafsson, the Sweden Democrats’ press chief, called the proposal “sickening,” in an interview with Nyheter Idag, a far-right news site.

“This is not our policy and never has been our policy,” Gustafsson said, adding, “It seems he hasn’t taken even a minute to read our list of fundamental principles, or check the facts with any other party colleagues.”

Now Collins says he is facing expulsion from the party as retaliation for his proposal, and he told The Local that he “read[s] on the internet that I’m going to get thrown out.”

Regardless of what happens to his party membership, Collins says the Sweden Democrats need to move beyond their focus on anti-immigrant principles.

“They lost the debate on immigration. They [the immigrants] are here. So we can’t just sit around whining about it. It’s over, and I think they [the Sweden Democrats] are having a hard time moving on.”

Collins said he believes the immigrant population was his city’s best hope at bringing in new residents and handling the population decline.

“Who else is going to come up here? The one group in Sweden that is mobile is the immigrant community, and they’re very business-minded, and that’s what we need, because there are opportunities galore up here, but there’s just not enough people.”
"

Blogger New Atlantis Lost March 20, 2019 6:44 PM  

Forgive me... I did not realize I wasn’t logged in. The following post is me, once the Unknown one is removed:
This goes one step further as well, considering what this information is used for. Think about how effectively they market your data and give your information to the highest relevant buyer - that’s after joining it willingly! Imagine what it will be like for these kids whose entire daily lives are a part of public record - big brother and data mining rejoice in knowing more about you than you do. I think it truly makes clear what Assange meant when he said “children who are born now are the last generation that will know freedom.”

Blogger Jon D. March 20, 2019 7:03 PM  

I stopped posting pictures of my children the second I started reading about it on this blog. It made sense. I'm lucky enough that I stopped when my first was 5 or so and my youngest was a newborn. Not recognizable, thankfully.

There's no way I'd ever trust folk online with their pictures now. There's too many bad things that can happen.

Blogger Matrim's Mutterings March 20, 2019 7:20 PM  

I agree. My wife and I very rarely post photos of our kids online, and those rare occasions we have I think were too many.

Blogger Balam March 20, 2019 7:29 PM  

New Atlantis Lost wrote:This goes one step further as well, considering what this information is used for. Think about how effectively they market your data and give your information to the highest relevant buyer

Worse than that those who hate you can find your loved ones easily through a facebook trail - now suddenly your child and wife and pets are collateral for your own trials and opinions. Imagine a Chris Dorner, a disgruntled LAPD cop who killed the family of a superior officer for whatever reason, who simply took down a huge laundry list of bystander family and went down the list killing innocents related to those he wanted to hurt.

You're also letting your children be open to predation - the more "unique" and likes-getting your child is the more deviants want to get their hands on them. Madeleline McCann is a small girl who went missing and, in some corners of the internet, it is believed that she was picked off by the Podesta brothers for a unique eye condition she inherited that they took as an occult symbol of value. True or not when you hold up your lambs wolves are going to bite.

Blogger JAG March 20, 2019 7:37 PM  

It's this kind of thing that further makes me glad to be Gen X. Didn't have to worry about this kind of thing growing. The worst we had to worry about was getting caught with beer.

Blogger Jamie-R March 20, 2019 7:46 PM  

Depends on how you use the internet. It's like a city, you don't do things out on the street. Use privacy settings, keep your circle small, and take advantage of preservation methods. Those that don't use the internet & keep their family photos & events in albums in the closet will be laughed at when their house burns down. Memories are an important part of a family's journey through life, but privacy settings are there for a reason & it doesn't matter what site you do it on, hacking of data can occur anywhere.

Blogger Lazarus March 20, 2019 7:50 PM  

Tunervince wrote:Is there nothing sacred any more?

Trannies

Blogger Nate March 20, 2019 8:04 PM  

Generally speaking it is a horrible idea to let kids sue their parents. But in this case.. It's fine. They deserve it.

Blogger Nate March 20, 2019 8:07 PM  

As a rule.. Never post anything bad about your kids ever. Posting pictures of your kids is a security threat in and of itself so you should be thoughtful about when and how you do that and the pictures should never be anything but flattering.

Vox is correct. There are going to be a lot of families torn apart over this.

Blogger Right Republican March 20, 2019 8:09 PM  

The youth are addicted to social media. A few may resent what their parents have done, but most will join in and post everything about themselves, whoring for "likes".

Blogger Guitar Man March 20, 2019 8:11 PM  

@48, and who's fault is that?

Blogger Rhys March 20, 2019 8:15 PM  

I am quite thankful that as a kid I was never punished using public humiliation torture, like so many parents do now. Also met a huge number of parents who like to destroy their childs' toys/belongings/art projects in front of them as punishment. It's completely psychotic.

Blogger haus frau March 20, 2019 8:57 PM  

@50 "I am quite thankful that as a kid I was never punished using public humiliation torture, like so many parents do now. Also met a huge number of parents who like to destroy their childs' toys/belongings/art projects in front of them as punishment. It's completely psychotic. "

Agreed. Discipline is personal, painful, and embarrassing. Parents who post that crap on social on social media are reveling in their child's humiliation so they can pose as the tough disciplinarian. Disgusting.

Blogger Bufface March 20, 2019 9:01 PM  

One of the most disturbing phenomena I have seen is the YouTube breastfeeding videos.

They are thinly disguised porno-fetish clips, and the attention whores get away with it because nobody will dare challenge the "educational breastfeeding videos" lest they incur the wrath of feminists.

I feel sorry for the kids in those videos, some of whom are a bit older than infants. Can't imagine the teasing they will get when thier peers find them

Blogger Longtime Lurker March 20, 2019 9:05 PM  

@38: Mark Collins has to go back.

Blogger Kat March 20, 2019 9:35 PM  

Jamie-R wrote:Depends on how you use the internet. It's like a city, you don't do things out on the street. Use privacy settings, keep your circle small, and take advantage of preservation methods. Those that don't use the internet & keep their family photos & events in albums in the closet will be laughed at when their house burns down. Memories are an important part of a family's journey through life, but privacy settings are there for a reason & it doesn't matter what site you do it on, hacking of data can occur anywhere.

It's called you and your extended family backing up photos to servers at each other's houses. At the very least keep it off some google/apple cloud service.

Blogger sammibandit March 20, 2019 9:43 PM  

Re: Mark Collins

>A Sweden Democrat (SD) local politician who proposed building a mosque has requested to leave the party, [sperging to] The Local that party's internal rules against buildings with non-Western architecture were [not suited to his sensibilities].

This guy is nuts!


"You'd think SD would come out and say 'we don't support these right-wing extremists'," he said. "I didn't think they were still back in the dark old days. I thought that they had moved on."

Blogger SirHamster March 20, 2019 10:17 PM  

Jamie-R wrote:privacy settings are there for a reason & it doesn't matter what site you do it on, hacking of data can occur anywhere.

Trusting Facebook with your family's data is like having a drug addict hold your wallet for just a minute.

Blogger Raker_T March 20, 2019 10:21 PM  
















I like to encourage dads to spend time with their kids, so I make web pages showing us doing projects together; but they're looking the other way, or have a wide brim hat on, or I just blur the face.
That way, there's still an action shot to go along with the text, but you can't ID the kid.



Blogger Crew March 20, 2019 10:27 PM  

I am hearing that white students in CA want to form the Kool Kaucasian Klub!

That is just so woke!

Blogger dtbb March 20, 2019 10:57 PM  

How about the kids being allowed to skip school and exploited by adults and the media for environmental causes? To me it is just plain abuse.

Blogger Curlytop March 20, 2019 11:37 PM  

A new level has been added to this atrocity and that's the Nest System, which allows live time action and still pics to be transmitted to Grandparents iPads...amd God knows who else that has even a modicum of hacking skills? My niece is 3 and they still have a camera over her bed. CREEPY

Blogger Jamie-R March 21, 2019 12:26 AM  

backing up photos to servers

Yeah, normal people do this all the time. If you're that paranoid about the deep state, by all means. But the amount of hyperbole out there about ill intentions would mean for those who hold that depth of opinion, just stay away from modern electronics.

Blogger JAG March 21, 2019 12:55 AM  

Jamie-R wrote:backing up photos to servers

Yeah, normal people do this all the time. If you're that paranoid about the deep state, by all means. But the amount of hyperbole out there about ill intentions would mean for those who hold that depth of opinion, just stay away from modern electronics.


What's your Social Credit score?

Blogger Don't Call Me Len March 21, 2019 1:07 AM  

@27 - But James Gunn was just telling jokes, obviously.

Blogger Azure Amaranthine March 21, 2019 1:42 AM  

I tell my own parents this all the time. DO. NOT. POST. ANYTHING. ABOUT. ME. ONLINE.

I have to physically go to their house to take my mom's phone away to stop her, sometimes.

It's not because it would be embarrassing. I'm beyond that. It's because I've worked through exactly what you can figure out with a handful of relatively simple algorithms and a large database of people and information about them. The more you narrow down from your main database, the less you need, even from individuals outside that pool, to make accurate predictions about them in some very bizarre ways, akin to being able to file through their underwear drawers on a daily basis.

I'm a Google ghost, invisible, impermeable and very difficult to digitally find, and I want it to stay that way.

People still think stalkers are a big deal, and they have no idea the type of omni-ultra-stalking going on from any number of large net-corporations nowadays. It's not that I hate socialization, it's that I don't want big brother fifteen miles up my colon with coherent-scanning microscopes.

Seriously. Just don't post pictures of anyone else online, anywhere, ever, without guaranteeing you have their approval first.

For those who don't want to be plastered up online, or have relatives who have a track record of not complying with your wishes, actively dodge cameras. If this means stepping out of the picture for family photo shoots because someone can't keep personal data to themselves, do it. Tell them why you're going to do it and then follow through if they can't behave themselves.

Blogger Azure Amaranthine March 21, 2019 1:54 AM  

Your privacy settings on facebook are meaningless to anyone who isn't a plebeian. Really, the only difference between facebook and any other similar social media site is that we already know that facebook is a malefactor, and some few other sites may respect your privacy more at the moment. At the moment. Who knows how long that's going to last? Even if you're legally protected in the jurisdiction where that service operates, who knows how long that will last, or if it's really being thoroughly enforced?

If you don't want any particular person in the world to have information about you, make sure nothing even ephemerally related ever goes online in the first place.

Think about one of those people who can guess ages and weights with 99% accuracy just by looking at someone. They're not as uncommon as you think. Now imagine that person had several thousand times as much experience along each of many other axes of interpreting personal information about you.

Blogger Jamie-R March 21, 2019 2:54 AM  

People aren't that special, there's billions, the potential that you're some sort of influencer next to nothing. Consumerism is the goal of corporates, getting an edge on marketing is what Amazon does. If you're on the internet talking about the evils of the internet, get some perspective about yourself. Your data doesn't have to be on a social media site for corporates to access. Here in Oz, you start with electoral rolls, we've had health records hacked from overseas. The new normal is not the old normal. I bet as cars went mainstream, folks were talking about how they help with the ease of crime, which they did.

Blogger SQT March 21, 2019 3:59 AM  

You know what's easy? Texting photos to family. There is NO reason to ever post pics of the kids. Mine are are 19 and 15, and they thank me for never letting them have social media. It's nothing but garbage and kids shouldn't have to deal with it.

Blogger PG March 21, 2019 4:17 AM  

That mum sounds like a right, pardon my French, bitch burger.

Blogger PG March 21, 2019 4:24 AM  

I think it's up to the parent to decide if they post pics of their kids or not. The scenario above is weird because the kid didn't know about it. That parent was a bully by the sounds of it.

On a lighter note, I've had the opposite problem. Kids hacking into MY FACEBOOK and posting RIDICULOUS pictures of me!! I'm one of those people that seems to attract pranksters.

Blogger rumpole5 March 21, 2019 8:00 AM  

Over the years that I've followed this blog I've really enjoyed VD's occasional comments about his family interactionsb and I've noticed that those have pretty much dried up. It is a pity that the vicious online wackos have ruined everything. The comfortable high trust society is a thing of the past. No doubt we will soon all be living in heavily armed seclusion having to challenge every interaction with anyone outside our immediate clan.

Blogger dc.sunsets March 21, 2019 8:25 AM  

To me it's beyond obvious that "over-sharing" is both a collective madness and utterly, predictably toxic. Who was too STUPID to see how giving adolescents the means of publicly ridiculing peers on what amounts to an amplified billboard the size of a cruise ship was going to produce nothing but bads. Did all of today's adults SKIP junior high school? People used to heap social opprobrium on the neighbor who couldn't stop publicly feting their child's every step, and parents who publicly embarrassed their kids were seen as complete assholes. Now, doing these things is considered NORMAL.

The collective delusions of our Age are omnipresent and manifest. Observing people's behavior is a continuous process of experimental mass psychology, and has an astonishing parallel to visiting the zoo to watch the antics on Monkey Island.

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:16 AM  

This provides a niggling worry all the time about the Big Bear -- he's putting pix up ALL the time of his darling kids; and he's ALSO a lightning magnet for some very: 1. disturbed and 2. malign people.

I worry he's not removing the EXIF data from the pix: EXIF provides the latitude and longitude of the place where the picture was taken...

My friend posts pix of her 15-yr-old model-gorgeous (blonde, blue-eyed) girl, who is being VERY well and carefully raised -- except for this and the "well, yes, she's modeling these pix of swim suits and bikinis cause she gets a spiff if her friends buy one... But ONLY her friends can see them, and I control who can and can't be her SM friend."

But, she's never HEARD of EXIF data (no, she's not actually a boomer); and apparently is 'confident' (really?) that none of her FRIENDS will forward the swimsuit pix to anyone NOT "controlled" (it ain't!) by her mom... When I pointed out that "people" would happily take pix of her daughter head and slap it into porn pix, she insists "they" couldn't. Preaching to a wall!

And, yes, like most MPAI, she CLAIMS that she "does TOO know how to protect her daughter!"

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:29 AM  

@25 "why is there zero demand for a mobile phone that is ONLY a PHONE?"


Ooooh, some app writer make a block-the-camera app that parents can put on kids' phones. (Granted, most parents wouldn't bother -- but the careful ones might!)

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:42 AM  

@44 "Memories are an important part of a family's journey through life, but privacy settings are there for a reason & it doesn't matter what site you do it on, hacking of data can occur anywhere."

"Hacking"?!?! You reeeeally don't get it do you?!

FAKEBOOK is selling your info -- no matter your "privacy settings," and SHARING it freely with e.g., the SPLC and DNC and anyone ELSE they want to (((help))) destroy the world!

Try to see the analogy between your "my pix are safe cause only people I choose can see them" and the un-publishing of a Castalia House book by a FLUNKIE at Amazon SEVEN times! You think: 'oh, no one can mis-use pix of my kids cause they're only stored under my 'control' and on multiple servers all over the world by the companies YOU USE to "protect" your privacy.

WHY do you think there are no 'bad' people at Fakebook or Twatter or any of the other social media co's? People who have their fingers INSIDE the servers you think protect your family!

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:45 AM  

@47 "so you should be thoughtful about when and how you do that and the pictures should never be anything but flattering."

And PLEASE learn how to -- and ALWAYS -- remove the EXIF data before posting! Do NOT tell predators the lat. and long. of your HOUSE, fer cryin' out loud!!

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:47 AM  

@55 Mark Collins: "I didn't think they were still back in the dark old days. I thought that they had moved on."

I am SO embarrassed he's an American. Unsurprised, but embarrassed... Sweden should send him back -- and we should deny him entry!

Blogger Avalanche March 21, 2019 9:57 AM  

@66 "People aren't that special, there's billions, the potential that you're some sort of influencer next to nothing."

Oh Jamie, you are being naive! So your daughter dumps or refuses a guy online; and oh, PLEASE don't say, haven't got a daughter'! "It's a metaphor.... can you say metaphor, children?" So the guy decides he needs payback. You don't need to be ANY sort of influencer for him to pretty easily, if he's computer savvy -- OR WORKS FOR A SOCIAL MEDIA CO!! -- to track her down. You don't have to special to billions of people -- merely 'special' to some nutcase; or some guy who sweeps up pretty girls for export to the ME.

My friend studying criminal psychology got to check out the house here near Atlanta (in a VERY high-end $$$ neighborhood) where 11 girls were rescued, aged from 11 (!) to 19, from 'exporters' who had stolen them and kept them drugged and tied up, pending the last few for the shipment. If your pretty 12-yr-old daughter posted pix (or her mom did) at the beach in a bikini -- and the damned photo STILL HAS THE EXIF data -- then these predators know exactly where ot look for her. "But the 12-yr-old isn't an influencer..." Really?

ALL those 11 pretty little girls were blonde and blue-eyed... THERE'S your "influencer." (But you think this is NOT going on in Oz?!)

Blogger Nobody of Consequence March 21, 2019 12:29 PM  

It's not fundamentally bad parenting, it's FUCKING abuse and stupidity. Everyone posting anything on line is tantamount sitting on a street corner having sex or twiddling with oneself. We have little privacy and 99% of the s2pids out there give up their last bit. People say, "I'm not doing anything wrong." I respond "That's what the Jews said in 1930s Germany."

Blogger LibertyPortraits March 21, 2019 2:00 PM  

In situations like this I ask myself, "What are the elites doing?" Are they posting pictures of their kids? Do political family dynasties allow incriminating pics of their children posted? Or, are they grooming their kids for a clean future by scrubbing everything like that away? Are future politicians going to be screened for their internet history? The type of porn they regularly browsed?

My thing is, though, how do you keep family members from posting stuff and tagging you?

Blogger eclecticme March 21, 2019 2:23 PM  

@55. sammibandit March 20, 2019 9:43 PM

Re: Mark Collins

>A Sweden Democrat (SD) local politician who proposed building a mosque has requested to leave the party, [sperging to] The Local that party's internal rules against buildings with non-Western architecture were [not suited to his sensibilities].

This guy is nuts!


When in my teens I read about Sweden. Naked blondes, free love, liberal. I also read that by law you were only allowed to paint your house certain colors. So not allowing weird architecture is not not new.

Blogger Philosopher Bear March 23, 2019 4:31 PM  

I agree. Your children's lives are theirs. One should be happy about the release of control over others, and celebrate their independence. Good point, Vox.

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