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Wednesday, October 02, 2013

To wereseals and beyond

I give you the obvious frontrunner for the 2014 Hugo Award!
Dinosaur erotica looks set to be the latest niche craze in the world of sexy fiction as a trio of books on the topic is released to buy for the Kindle. The naughty novels, with titles such as Running From The Raptor and Taken by the T-Rex focus on the fantasy of helpless young women being attacked and seduced by dinosaurs.

The dinosaur porn imagines a world where humans and dinosaurs existed together. For the tale of In the Velociraptor’s Nest the protagonist Azog is a cavewoman, under appreciated in her tribe.

The synopsis says: ‘The cavemen treat her like a piece a meat. Azog cannot resist unless she proves herself as a hunter. When she goes out in search of fresh meat, she discovers a clutch of baby velociraptors and decides to kill them and triumphantly bring them back to her tribe. That is, until their father shows up and blocks Azog’s way out of the cave. Azog must use all of her womanly wiles to get out of the cave, which includes doing things she had never dreamed of.’
You might think Taken by the T-Rex is unlikely to catch on, let alone win awards. And then, it occurs to you that these are the sort of people who gave an award to McRapey for Redshirts.

Equality is the reason you can't have good books.

Labels: ,

241 Comments:

1 – 200 of 241 Newer› Newest»
Blogger Amy October 02, 2013 1:03 PM  

I was praying that the link was from The Onion.

Sadly, my prayers were not answered.

What has literature come to?

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 1:06 PM  

We always knew dinosaurs, given the chance, would eat a cave woman

Blogger Amy October 02, 2013 1:08 PM  

I know, to ask the question is to answer it.

I taught reams of teenage girls who thought they were so smart and literate because they read Twilight over and over again. They couldn't grasp Austen or Twain or write a complete sentence, but they, like, read lots of books, so they must be smart, or something.

That some good head-desk-banging stuff.

Anonymous Soga October 02, 2013 1:12 PM  

Thanks for giving me a Halloween costume idea. I'mma be a rapetor.

Anonymous NateM October 02, 2013 1:12 PM  

This can't be serious. They literally check every box for retardation.

Anonymous bw October 02, 2013 1:14 PM  

I physically convulsed in laughter. Those titles are too perfect.
doing things she had never dreamed of So ass-raped by an animal = "womanly wiles"?
The right to marry your animal is progressing right on schedule.

Blogger Cinco October 02, 2013 1:15 PM  

At least now we know how that particular dinosaur got its name. After the raptor kicked her out of his cave, she returned to her tribe and cried rape; whereupon, her tribal tribal leader declared that, "the veloci - raped - her." Over the years it was shortened to: velociraptor...

That's it for the day for me.

Blogger JartStar October 02, 2013 1:15 PM  

What's next after dinosaurs?

Anonymous Porky October 02, 2013 1:15 PM  

On the required reading list at the Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too.

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 1:17 PM  

Seduced by the stegosaurus

BDSM in the time of the brontasaurus

Adultery and the allasaurus

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 1:21 PM  

What's next after dinosaurs

Snakes that can slither just so into those nether regions

Or sexy bacteria

"she felt the mold spores penetrate deep into her hot, wet, forbidden temple...nothing had ever filled her the way this could...waves of ecstasy washed over her trembling groin...

Anonymous Porky October 02, 2013 1:22 PM  

"I taught reams of teenage girls who thought they were so smart and literate because they read Twilight over and over again. They couldn't grasp Austen or Twain..."

The solution is not to teach them Austen and Twain. It's to stop teaching them to read in the first place.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 1:23 PM  

Great. I just got my head back together after the splodiness of Amish vampires in space, and--

Reptile...and human...sex? How does that even...? I mean, the anatomy doesn't...

*head asplode*

*echoing voice from neckhole* DAMMIT!

Anonymous Zion's Paladin October 02, 2013 1:23 PM  

Every time I think we've hit the bottom of the barrel...

Nope, still got a ways to go.

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 1:24 PM  

If Jane Yolen gets in on this action, I quit forever.

How Do Dinosaurs Learn "No Means No?"

How Do Dinosaurs Empower Women Through Love Triangles?

How Do Dinosaurs Have Two Mommies?

Does this make John Scalzi a tyrannosexual?

Anonymous physics geek October 02, 2013 1:26 PM  

Snakes that can slither just so into those nether regions

I had a friend once whose high school buddy once pulled a video called "Barnyard Bonanza". In the film, two girls beat an eel on a rock a few times and them, umm, kind of pipe fed the eel into each other. As disgusting as that sounds, he mentioned some other interspecies acts from the movie that I won't relate here.

So we've already transitioned from literature to film. Next up, interspecies porn LARPing.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 1:26 PM  

she felt the mold spores penetrate deep into her hot, wet, forbidden temple...nothing had ever filled her the way this could...waves of ecstasy washed over her trembling groin...

Must...resist...urge...to mention...Monistat...!

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 1:28 PM  

I don't think that will be enough to treat Azog's anklyosaurs...

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 1:29 PM  



Ted Kennedy already did that.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 1:29 PM  

Urgh, I was responding to Daniel's "tyrannosexual" joke.

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 1:30 PM  

Next up, interspecies porn LARPing.

Dude. That's been done.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 1:37 PM  

Okay, Daniel, you win.

Blogger Ephrem Antony Gray October 02, 2013 1:38 PM  

Look, the Japanese are way ahead of us on this. Just look up a particular kind of 'doujinshi' and you can create a predictive map of where perversity goes unbound by taboo.

Pretty much always the same place.

Anonymous VryeDenker October 02, 2013 1:42 PM  

Dinosaurs? So, have women in fiction fucked their way through the entire branch of mammals in St. Darwin's (PBUH) tree?

Anonymous Salt October 02, 2013 1:42 PM  

Flintstones, the Novel.

Betty gets veloci-ravished by Dino. Again, and again, and again. It'll be a yaba-daba-do of a page turner. Ladies should be sure to have plenty of fresh batteries in supply.

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 1:42 PM  

Look, the Japanese are way ahead of us on this

Tentacle porn indicates that we either nuked them too much or not enough

Blogger Unknown October 02, 2013 1:43 PM  

"What's next after dinosaurs?"

Rakoshi.

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 1:44 PM  

Betty gets veloci-ravished by Dino. Again, and again, and again. It'll be a yaba-daba-do of a page turner.

He ain't called bam bam for nothing

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 1:48 PM  

It would make a great video game. Set it in prehistoric Romania (so you can toss in a vampire when you need it), give the bad-boy protagonist dinosaur a hidden, tender heart, and make sure he doesn't seem cis-gendered. Tim Curry could do the voice-over work.

That way, the sweet Transfused Transexual Tyrannosaurus from Transylvania can double as "Boss of Honor" at next year's GaymerX2.

The cosplay will be epic.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 October 02, 2013 1:50 PM  

Sounds like dino-rape to me. Of course, if the raptor had been a white man, that would be offensive.

Anonymous FUBAR Nation Ben October 02, 2013 1:52 PM  

So, girls are now into dinosaur fantasies?

How many girls got wet from watching King Kong?

King Kong was a misunderstood bad boy and only a strong independent women was able to tame him before the evil patriarchy in the 1930's killed him.

Anonymous Stinky October 02, 2013 1:56 PM  

Equality is the reason you can't have good books.
 
How are two authors publishing crappy 20 page short stories (an inevitable result of the development of a channel you whole heartedly support, mind you) preventing “good books” from being published?

Anonymous Huckleberry - est. 1977 October 02, 2013 2:09 PM  

This from the same people who lambaste "stupid fundies" for young earth theories where dinosaurs and humans lived simultaneously.
Had to throw in Paleo-Cretaceous bestiality to, er, swallow it.
So noted.

Anonymous Stephen J. October 02, 2013 2:12 PM  

You know, I'm not sure why this occurs to me right now, but maybe those "publishing gatekeepers" everybody's been complaining about weren't *entirely* useless....

Anonymous Salt October 02, 2013 2:17 PM  

@ Fubar

Fay Wray

Anonymous JoeyWheels October 02, 2013 2:19 PM  

I'd rather open up my old copies of Cadillacs & Dinosaurs

Anonymous kh123 October 02, 2013 2:20 PM  

"I was praying that the link was from The Onion."

Saw this the other day and had to do a double take as well. Ghost of Andy Kaufman, I tell you.

Anonymous kh123 October 02, 2013 2:20 PM  

And cue Tad; "But... but... witchkings! Elves! All the same! They all resolve in pr0n!"

Anonymous Golf Pro October 02, 2013 2:23 PM  

"And then, it occurs to you that these are the sort of people who gave an award to McRapey for Redshirts."

Does this have equal prestige as being nominated (but not winning) an award from the American Christian Fiction Writers association?

Anonymous kh123 October 02, 2013 2:23 PM  

...Actually, he can continue his (non-percentaged) list of female achievers. Proudly now.

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 2:30 PM  

These books are not eligible for the Hugo: they have a woman in a bikini on each cover.

Anonymous JC October 02, 2013 2:31 PM  

You're just not being properly respectful of dinosexuals, Vox. Check your privilege.

Anonymous smack October 02, 2013 2:31 PM  

The cavemen treat her like a piece a meat.

And so does the T-rex. The only difference is the cavemen were a bunch of Betas.

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 2:35 PM  

The Yogscast did a pretty funny video a while back where they played/commented on a certain (real) video game. It's a dating sim where you play as a Japanese school girl on a date with a shy Tyrannosaurus. The objective is to get him to open up about his feelings (spoilers: he's insecure about his tiny arms).

At the time I thought it was a joke.

The synopsis says: ‘The cavemen treat her like a piece a meat.

The horror! If only those men were as understanding as dinosaurs (sigh).

Azog cannot resist unless she proves herself as a hunter.

Typical ambtious career woman thinks men will respect her for her job.

When she goes out in search of fresh meat,

Oh, she gets some fresh meat alright.

she discovers a clutch of baby velociraptors and decides to kill them and triumphantly bring them back to her tribe.

Insert abortion joke.

That is, until their father shows up and blocks Azog’s way out of the cave. Azog must use all of her womanly wiles to get out of the cave, which includes doing things she had never dreamed of.’

Like, I don't know, killing it? No way, she's only a hunter after all.

Typical feminist heroine is plenty tough against helpless babies, but bends over at the first sign of a real fight.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 2:35 PM  

Detachable Hemipenis.

Anonymous Stickwick October 02, 2013 2:37 PM  

Who would've ever thought the denouement of feminism would be dinosaur sex fantasies. I mean, I hope this is the denouement -- it just seems to defy the laws of physics that any movement could continue beyond this point. In any case, this pretty well explodes the myth that men are the perverted weirdos and women are the pure earthly angels who civilize them.

Anonymous DrTorch October 02, 2013 2:38 PM  

You've come a long way, baby.

Feminism. Because empowerment.

(Anyone else figure a certain garden serpent had this in mind before he was cursed to slither on the ground?)

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:41 PM  

Once again, read My Secret Garden and you won't be surprised by this.

Just two random words: Dalmatian porn.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 2:41 PM  

Suddenly, taking a deep breath that lifted her above the veil of ecstasy for a split second, Azog realized her captor had only barely begun to mate. As she looked into his reptilian eyes, it struck her... what if he engaged his second brain and took her with the complete force of his abilities? The creature must have sensed her unspoken longing, for suddenly, he...

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:43 PM  

Also, incest porn (it seemed more often with her mother than father) was popular enough in it that I suspect it's going to be the next big thing. Or perhaps necrophiliac incest porn.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 2:43 PM  

BTW, those covers are terrible. Where's Frank Cho when you need him?

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 2:43 PM  

Jurassic Heart - Dino Dating.

By the way, does anyone else find it a funny coincidence that Azog is named after an actual Orc?

Anonymous DT October 02, 2013 2:45 PM  

What? I don't...I don't even...what the hell man???

I don't even know how to react to this. Laugh? Cry? I just...why?

Somebody please tell me: what is wrong with this world?

Anonymous DT October 02, 2013 2:47 PM  

necrophiliac incest porn.

Apparently it's going to be dinosaur necrophiliac incest porn. Not sure how that works, but I bet it sells...

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:47 PM  

I don't even know how to react to this. Laugh?

Having read those ACTUAL sex fantasies in that _very_ educational book, originally recommended by David DeAngelo for understanding the female mind, my reaction is ho-hum. This stuff is holding back.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:49 PM  

Here's a random idea for an unscrupulous writer looking for an easy profit: Her retarded brother has a badboy demon snake for a penis.

Write.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 2:51 PM  

What? I don't...I don't even...what the hell man???

I don't even know how to react to this.


Like Scanners, DT. Just like Scanners.

Blogger Giraffe October 02, 2013 2:52 PM  

Woman ravished by Jurassic Park.

The male equivalent has to be sex with an electrical outlet.

I can't wrap my brain around this. People pay for this.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:53 PM  

But please note that you'll almost certainly have to pay JartStar extra for that one.

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 2:53 PM  

Dinosaur vampires. In Amish space.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 2:53 PM  

Apparently it's going to be dinosaur necrophiliac incest porn. Not sure how that works, but I bet it sells...

It'd look like this, but with no clothes on. Please to notice the bondage and whip in play.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:54 PM  

If you can't immediately see how my idea mixes several fetishes in a highly titillating and profitable way, then that's just means you have to read My Secret Garden.

Blogger tz October 02, 2013 2:55 PM  

Devolution is progress.

Anonymous Carlotta October 02, 2013 2:57 PM  

So ah at least we know it isnt going to be a flood this time.

Anonymous Sigyn October 02, 2013 2:58 PM  

Woman ravished by Jurassic Park.

I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitos
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being catcalled by virile velociraptors
And believe me, they will have their wicked way...

Jurassic Park is sexy in the dark
All the dinosaurs are getting riled...


...I can't go on. I'm sorry. It hurts too much.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 October 02, 2013 2:59 PM  

At least H.P. Lovecraft spared us the details of Deep One hybrid creation.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 2:59 PM  

Another idea for fun and profit: The locusts of Revelation are real.

Real and rapey.

I mean, "stingers", amirite?

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 3:01 PM  

Do you all not realize the real purpose of these kinds of books? This is mental conditioning to put all things reptilian into the public's psyche, to normalize interactions with these scaly creatures. A recent Dr. Who (nothing but Leftist claptrap now) had an alien reptilian lesbian blissfully married to a human bimbo.

Making way for The Lizard Queen in 2016...


Anonymous Carlotta October 02, 2013 3:01 PM  

I had to read the article. Mistake. Stick a fork in me. We have fully begun the descent. I just dont think there is any coming back from this.

Anonymous Carlotta October 02, 2013 3:05 PM  

Anonagain and Dr Torch
Everytime I think the people who think that stuff might be going overboard......ok, so reptilians are real then?

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 3:08 PM  

Evidently, bikini clad bimbettes are to feminism what "nigger" is to blacks.

Anonymous Mike October 02, 2013 3:12 PM  

No offense here folks, but the Japanese have had this beaten to death years ago. In a culture where females (and males) are routinely penetrated by anything with a tentacle, insects and drooling space aliens, dinosaurs are so...normal. I mean, to write something actually out of the ordinary nowadays, you'd have to have some butterface female character, size 14, find some beta/gamma/delta guy and have kids with him and then actually stay with him for life. 'Cause you know THAT never happens anymore.

Blogger dienw October 02, 2013 3:14 PM  

Rhetorical: Have the minds of these writers and those of their readers sunk so irredeemable low? Confusion. Utter confusion. I can se no way to penetrate let alone converse with such reprobate minds.

Time to let it all burn.

Blogger dienw October 02, 2013 3:17 PM  

@ JartStar October 02, 2013 1:15 PM

What's next after dinosaurs?
The Japanese have been doing octopus porn for some time now.

Anonymous Lysander Spooner October 02, 2013 3:18 PM  

The new FemNazi Battle Cry :

"All Dinosaurs are Rapists !!!"

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 3:18 PM  

ok, so reptilians are real then?

I have no idea - I was not being serious. But I'm sure Satan is not wanting for means or imagination when it comes to perpetrating evil on the world.

We may be quite surprised to discover just how evil and twisted things can become when there's no longer any resistance.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 3:21 PM  

I'm just a powerhouse of ideas today. Hell porn.

Somehow the intriguing level name in the original Doom, episode Inferno, comes to mind:

House of Pain.

Blogger Giraffe October 02, 2013 3:22 PM  

I'm gonna find a T-rex costume for Halloween.

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 3:23 PM  

Re: Mike,

The humor here comes from the fact that dinosaur erotica is written for women, putting paid to many pretty lies of feminism and so called chivalry.

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 3:25 PM  

Markku - Somehow the intriguing level name in the original Doom, episode Inferno, comes to mind:

House of Pain.


And the Minotaur. You know how the Minotaur was conceived, right?

We could get our resident expert Loki to explain it to us.

Anonymous AXCrom October 02, 2013 3:26 PM  

50 Shades of Prey...

Anonymous kh123 October 02, 2013 3:27 PM  

"Somehow the intriguing level name in the original Doom, episode Inferno, comes to mind:"

I was thinking more Smash TV. Extra Sauce Action.

Blogger mmaier2112 October 02, 2013 3:27 PM  

I guess Raptors like the taste of fish?

Anonymous Mike October 02, 2013 3:30 PM  

Markku,

Absolutely. But no need. The stock D&D universe has reams of worthy critters to create porn with. Demons, Devils, Nymphs, Dryads...and those are just the humanoid-looking ones. White Wolf Publishing went so far as to publish a book called the Book of Erotic Fantasy back in 2009 which detailed, in their own words..."192 page, full color book that will finally address the issues of sex, love, seduction, marriage and pregnancy for the OGL system.

This book contains over 20 new feats, 3 new classes and 12 new prestiage classes, 6 new domains, over 75 new spells, 6 new gods, 12 new monsters,"

No need for Doom. Besides, the porn would have to be blocky just to match the gameplay. Go HD if you're going to bother.

Blogger mmaier2112 October 02, 2013 3:30 PM  

Zion's Paladin October 02, 2013 1:23 PM

Every time I think we've hit the bottom of the barrel...

Nope, still got a ways to go.


As the Great Sage HEYWOOD BANKS said on the Bob & Tom Show...

"There is no bottom to The Well of Bad Taste."

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 3:30 PM  

She gazed longingly into the cold, darkeyes of her scaly lover. Others saw only a mindless brute, an unthinking, uncaring animal. Only she could see the tiniest spark of tenderness in the moments before his savage organ filled her in a way her misogynist tribesmen had never been capable of.

Anonymous Josh October 02, 2013 3:32 PM  

This book contains over 20 new feats, 3 new classes and 12 new prestiage classes, 6 new domains, over 75 new spells, 6 new gods, 12 new monsters,

We're gonna need a bigger carousel

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 3:37 PM  

No need for Doom.

I mean, House of Pain as the name of the book.

Blogger TontoBubbaGoldstein October 02, 2013 3:38 PM  

Knowing full well that Vox is inexplicably not a fan of Young Frankenstein, I still feel compelled to link this.

Anonymous Loki Sjalfsainn October 02, 2013 3:39 PM  

We could get our resident expert Loki to explain it to us.

Very well. A woman so despaired of conceiving by mortal man, impotent as you all are, that she turned to one outside of her own species, one of proven sexual prowess, and was well rewarded for it.

And then...how does it go? Once she's gone giant, she'll not be compliant? Once you've gone jotun, mere men are verboten? I forget.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 3:40 PM  

House of Paean

Anonymous Daniel October 02, 2013 3:41 PM  

I mean, to write something actually out of the ordinary nowadays, you'd have to have some butterface female character, size 14, find some beta/gamma/delta guy and have kids with him and then actually stay with him for life. 'Cause you know THAT never happens anymore.

And that book will be called...Gamma Raptor

Anonymous Loki Sjalfsainn October 02, 2013 3:43 PM  

White Wolf Publishing went so far as to publish a book called the Book of Erotic Fantasy back in 2009 which detailed, in their own words...

((Or FATAL. Dear God forgive us, FATAL.))

Anonymous lozozlo October 02, 2013 3:48 PM  

You're way too good at this...

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 3:50 PM  

I'm going to publish a collection of erotic vignettes about the sexy adventures of the swarthy Minotaur.

I'll call it Cock 'n Bull Stories.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 3:54 PM  

Well, I had to Google it, although I pretty much guessed the result in advance.

"hell porn" (in quotes, to force only results that have those two words together)

145 000 hits.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:02 PM  

DAMN YOU, RULE 34!

Anonymous JC October 02, 2013 4:09 PM  

Markku, I can only imagine what kind of ads you'll be getting now.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 October 02, 2013 4:12 PM  

Jezebel reports that the books, which are short stories of no more than 20 pages long, are the work of two authors, Christie Sims and Alara Branwen, who also write dragon, orc and weretiger erotica.

The books, which are available to buy on Amazon, state in their seller description: ’Warning: This is a tale of beast sex. This story was written to unlock your darkest fantasies and innermost desires. It is not for the faint of heart and is not your mother's erotica.’


Weretiger but no werewolf erotica? I know that The Howling 2 is a bit dated, but fads are cyclical.

Also, how do these folks know what kind of erotica my mother read? I'm pretty sure she sticks to mysteries of the non-erotic kind.

Anonymous DrTorch October 02, 2013 4:12 PM  

Everytime I think the people who think that stuff might be going overboard......ok, so reptilians are real then?

Just a reminder that there really is a 'who' behind so much of this, and that we've been sheltered from his full depravity and hatred.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:17 PM  

Le sigh. You can't beat rule 34. After considerable thought I figured I finally came up with an idea to beat it. Biological weapon porn.

Nope.

DAMN YOU, RULE 34!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:22 PM  

Aspie porn...cannot possibly exist.

Anonymous FP October 02, 2013 4:27 PM  

"Next up, interspecies porn LARPing."

Isn't that what furries do?

Anonymous Musashi October 02, 2013 4:28 PM  

Equality is a non-sequitur and the mental playground of fools.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:29 PM  

Aspie porn...cannot possibly exist.

Heh heh, you were wrong.

Notice that there is no way to perform this experiment without seeing... things. Just so that you know.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:29 PM  

Zombie porn is not possible, is it?

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:31 PM  

Zombie porn is not possible, is it?

Are you asking that seriously? I mean, I'm aware of that genre without even having to google it.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:32 PM  

Notice that there is no way to perform this experiment without seeing... things. Just so that you know.

Huh? Aspie porn is the Schrodinger's cat of porn?

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:33 PM  

I mean, you are clearly at a newbie level of trying to beat Rule 34. For example, just a while ago I ruled out "My Little Pony Porn" as a thing that I would even bother Googling because it's so obvious it exists.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:36 PM  

Huh? Aspie porn is the Schrodinger's cat of porn?

Yes, because there is also a concept of "asperger porn addiction" and you have to make sure your hit is actually porn ABOUT asperger's. Which I did. Rule 34 stands.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:38 PM  

Are you asking that seriously? I mean, I'm aware of that genre without even having to google it.

I am serious. Maybe I don't know everything about zombies (I do hate them). As far as I know, zombies eat brains - that is all they do, nothing else. And one does not converse with zombies, so I don't see how one can talk them into any other activity. And it's not as if they are very agile anyway. Nah, I just can't see these animated pieces of dead meat doing anything along those lines.

Anonymous DJJ October 02, 2013 4:40 PM  

Can we somehow get the Amish included?

Blogger Tom Kratman October 02, 2013 4:40 PM  

Note to self: in series describing the coming fall of civilization across the world, do not neglect, in next volume, to include dinoporn.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:43 PM  

I mean, you are clearly at a newbie level of trying to beat Rule 34

I admit it. I have never put my mind to the task until now. I mean, I had to google "Rule 34". This is becoming a habit with you now - directing my mind to places I would just prefer it never go.

Anonymous Giraffe October 02, 2013 4:44 PM  

And one does not converse with zombies, so I don't see how one can talk them into any other activity.

I thought that velociraptors had a one track mind when it comes to cave women, but I was thinking carnitas, not carnal knowledge. Need to be more open (or empty) minded.

Anonymous paradox October 02, 2013 4:45 PM  

Dinosaurs Hire comics... just without the guns.

Anonymous ridip October 02, 2013 4:47 PM  

Anonagain,

We were out to dinner for a friend's birthday and a guy I work with whips out a picture of a zombie dildo or vibrator he'd created. Obviously the "dev" in his DevOps was for deviant.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:48 PM  

Mummy porn! Impossible.

Blogger Ephrem Antony Gray October 02, 2013 4:51 PM  

Ah, Anonagain.

Maybe you might want to look up a comic I occasionally see ads for on webcomic sites. It's called 'Mr. Invisible'.

Anonymous Blume October 02, 2013 4:52 PM  

hentai, high school of the dead. even has zombie impregnation

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 4:53 PM  

We were out to dinner for a friend's birthday and a guy I work with whips out a picture of a zombie dildo or vibrator he'd created. Obviously the "dev" in his DevOps was for deviant.

Yikes. The corollary to Rule 34: Human depravity knows no bounds.

Blogger kudzu bob October 02, 2013 4:53 PM  

The dinosaurs are lucky they went extinct when they did.

Anonymous Blume October 02, 2013 4:54 PM  

nope, hentai again. mummy mom and daughter three some.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 4:56 PM  

Mummy porn!

Lots and lots of it, it turns out.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:02 PM  

I was SURE I had a winner. Clippit the MS Office Paperclip porn.

Nope.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:02 PM  

Bacteria porn! Bacteria don't even have sex, they just split in two.

Anonymous JoeyWheels October 02, 2013 5:04 PM  

...and here
we are in the 21st century....

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:05 PM  

Heh, that's so big that Urban Dictionary has an entry for it: Bacteriophilia.

Blogger Krul October 02, 2013 5:05 PM  

Anonagain, if you're done playing in the kiddy pool and want to really plumb the depths of human depravity let me know.

Nothing as innocent and wholesome as zombie porn here. I'll show you something that will traumatize you.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:05 PM  

Oxygen porn!
Radiation porn!
Fire porn!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:07 PM  

That's quite alright, I'll stay in the kiddy pool, thank you, Krul.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:08 PM  

Electron porn!

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:11 PM  

Being with a hermaphroditic species was the height of eroticism. She knew the curvy creature before her had once been female, so it knew her essence like nothing else could... yet now it was proudly male... even though, she considered with a thrill of delightful horror, its member could and would break off in the midst of intimacy...

An except from my new erotic classic Snail Male.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:12 PM  

Anonagain: "Bacteria porn! Bacteria don't even have sex, they just split in two."

MGTOW, schizophrenia edition.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:15 PM  

The Bubonic Plague porn!

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:16 PM  

"Electron porn!"

The electron's hitherto unobstructed flow through a copper wire had been cruelly intersected by what seemed to be the body of a woman on a wooden ladder. Things were about to get rough... even though the woman was certainly putting up some resistance...

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:17 PM  

"The Bubonic Plague porn!"

Roger couldn't decide what was more erotic... her heaving bosom or the barely glimpsed bulges of the buboes beneath her skirt...

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:18 PM  

You have to allow a bit of artistic freedom, Anonagain. Mutant porn for radiation porn, burning people with fire for fire porn, electrocution for electron porn. All of which exist.

Strangulation porn seems to be called oxygen porn, but one MIGHT argue that it should actually be giving too much oxygen. Which potentially might be a winner since it would be so obscure, but then you'd have to wade through hundreds or thousands of strangulation links to make sure.

Anonymous Giraffe October 02, 2013 5:22 PM  

Alright, Markku. You asked for it. How about broken bottle porn or vomit porn. I'm sure they exist, but you should check.

Anonymous Krul October 02, 2013 5:23 PM  

Your eagerness is palpable, Anonagain. As though you were searching for something. A new thrill perhaps.

My offer stands. Just say the word and I'll show you things that will give you PTSD.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:23 PM  

I blame this thread on the government shutdown.

Anonymous . October 02, 2013 5:26 PM  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO6F_qbX-mo

Blogger Ephrem Antony Gray October 02, 2013 5:26 PM  

Vidad

You have earned at least three facepalms today.

*CHECKPOINT!*

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:28 PM  

"I blame this thread on the government shutdown."

For years they had shared the same dingy yellow building at the Planning Department without ever exchanging more than a few words or stacks of stamped permits. Now however, as they waited for the budget crisis to be resolved, they finally had time to do a little planning of their own...

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:28 PM  

Your eagerness is palpable, Anonagain. As though you were searching for something. A new thrill perhaps.

Oh, don't you wish. Now stop trying to corrupt me. I won't take the bait.

I just like a challenge. There must be an exception to Rule 34.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:30 PM  

Vomit porn I know to exist, and be actually quite big in Japan. However, broken bottle porn is hard to prove not to exist, since generally bottle porn is so ABSOLUTELY huge that it would require more depravity to wade through than I'm prepared to do, in order to make sure that none of them are broken.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:31 PM  

I think Vidad could have a nice little business on the side writing porn novels.

Anonymous Lysander Spooner October 02, 2013 5:31 PM  

Support Bacteria porn: It grows on Culture

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:33 PM  

Alright, Markku. You asked for it. How about broken bottle porn or vomit porn. I'm sure they exist, but you should check.

That made me laugh. Nobody wants to do the dirty work of checking. We leave that for Markku.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:34 PM  

Unicycle porn!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:35 PM  

Stalagmite porn!

Anonymous Nathan October 02, 2013 5:38 PM  

Rule 34 being what it is, don't blink if you think you've found an exception. It'll be gone just that fast.

Anonymous . October 02, 2013 5:38 PM  

Anonagain porn!

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:41 PM  

"I think Vidad could have a nice little business on the side writing porn novels."

It's tempted me in the past. I've certainly done enough hack writing in the realm of radio scripting.

My conscience couldn't deal with it, though. Heck, I've quit jobs because I was forced to write pieces promoting policies or products which I found anti-Christian.

Of course, if I wrote monogamous marriage pornography... hey now...

"Ever since he'd put on the ring of power, she'd been completely accessible to him sexually... every night, provided she wasn't tired and that he'd already taken out the trash..."

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:43 PM  

"Unicycle porn!"

It only had one wheel... but it was large, shiny, well-balanced and capable of bearing the weight of a full-grown woman... though it had never prepared itself for the load it was going to carry tonight...

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:46 PM  

Of course, if I wrote monogamous marriage pornography

Are you aware that this actually is a genre, and I remember at least one Game blogger having referred to how surprisingly fast it was growing?

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:47 PM  

"Stalagmite porn!"

Lena wandered away from the tour, deeper and deeper into the cavern. This was the kind of experience she wanted! Freedom from rules... freedom from the beaten path... and most of all, freedom from her oh-so-boring life as a wife and mother of two exhausting boys. Three boys, if you counted her husband, Lena thought, rolling her eyes.

Less than thirty steps ahead, a massive dripping phallus waited. It had waited for thousands of years, in fact... growing larger and larger in its mineral-fed hunger...

Blogger John Williams October 02, 2013 5:47 PM  

This sounds like it could be from the Onion.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 5:47 PM  

It's for men, and it's about your wife being really into you.

In other words, fantasy porn.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:48 PM  

My conscience couldn't deal with it, though.

That's true.

Of course, if I wrote monogamous marriage pornography... hey now...

That might be an untapped market, Vidad. I'm sure with your experience, imagination, and talent, you could come up with something unique - wholesome porn.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:49 PM  

"Are you aware that this actually is a genre, and I remember at least one Game blogger having referred to how surprisingly fast it was growing?"

I remember reading that. I bet there are a lot of people that are hungry for the kind of wholesome, loving intimacy you don't get from tentacles, wereseals and Craigslist.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 5:50 PM  

"It's for men, and it's about your wife being really into you.

In other words, fantasy porn."

Maybe for some guys... ;)

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 5:51 PM  

You're cracking me up, Vidad. I think your talent lies in comic porn.

Blogger Eric Wilson October 02, 2013 5:54 PM  

Since at this point I'm not sure what isn't OT: Silk Road got shut down today. Didn't see it mentioned anywhere here yet.

Anonymous Giraffe October 02, 2013 5:56 PM  

Maybe for some guys... ;)

They don't call him Seven for nothing folks.

Anonymous MendoScot October 02, 2013 5:57 PM  

You bunch o' slack jawed faggots.

There are NO exceptions to Rule 34.

Ask any A&E about broken bottle porn.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 6:03 PM  

Ok, SFW Porn made me laugh.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:06 PM  

See, I'm finally learning my lesson. I have not and will not click on any link on this thread.

Anonymous Giraffe October 02, 2013 6:07 PM  

This is too easy. There is no SFWA porn. Not in video form anyway. There, rule 34 broken. Go ahead, Markku, find John Scalzi.

Anonymous Anonymous October 02, 2013 6:12 PM  

I blame this thread on the government shutdown.

Deviant porn is a natural consequence of the gov. shutdown. What else can the CDC, NASA and the National Parks Department do with their new found free time?

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 6:16 PM  

Cant. Stop. Laughing.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:17 PM  

Poison ivy porn!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:19 PM  

What else can the CDC, NASA and the National Parks Department do with their new found free time?

Exactly. And those deviant porn vibrations reverberate throughout the whole Internet.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:21 PM  

Tar pit porn!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:23 PM  

Bagpipe porn!

Anonymous WaterBoy October 02, 2013 6:23 PM  

"Poison ivy porn"

Will stinging nettles suffice?

"To wereseals and beyond"

When Vox wrote that column title, I wonder if he had any idea just how far "beyond" would go....

Anonymous Krul October 02, 2013 6:26 PM  

Really, Anonagain, how do you expect to learn if you won't push your boundaries a little? You're clearly curious, but too inexperienced. "Poinson ivy porn"? Ha! You know nothing of the dark side of human nature.

Say the word. There's no need to be afraid. They're only pictures.

Anonymous Huckleberry - est. 1977 October 02, 2013 6:27 PM  

There is no SFWA porn

Someone didn't read Redshirts, and/or do a favor for someone in Ground Forces...

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:27 PM  

Gollum porn. That's too twisted to not exist.

Blogger Markku October 02, 2013 6:28 PM  

Let's have McRapey review Chapter 4, and there will be.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 6:28 PM  

"Poison ivy porn!"

Uri Schall had a talent... of making men itch and burn for weeks after encountering her...

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:28 PM  

You're clearly curious

No I'm not. Never been curious in my life.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 6:32 PM  

"Tar pit porn!"

She was in deep, that's for sure. At first, the thick, black wetness had revolted her.. but now, as she sunk deeper into its embrace... it was impossible not to respond to the warmth creeping up her legs... around her loins... and on towards her bosom...

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:33 PM  

You're too funny, Vidad.

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 6:36 PM  

It wasn't the first time she'd put her lips on a bagpipe... but it was the first time she'd dared play anything other than Amazing Grace...

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 6:36 PM  

@Markku

That's hilarious.

Anonymous Giraffe October 02, 2013 6:37 PM  

Someone didn't read Redshirts, and/or do a favor for someone in Ground Forces...

I didn't think anybody read Redshirts

Anonymous Krul October 02, 2013 6:39 PM  

Tar pit porn!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9G3g8OSPBw>Here you go.</a>

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:40 PM  

Rule 34 being what it is, don't blink if you think you've found an exception. It'll be gone just that fast.

No kidding. Vidad alone is invalidating my submissions as fast as I can come up with them.

Anonymous Krul October 02, 2013 6:40 PM  

Tar pit porn!

Here you go.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:46 PM  

Window shutters porn!

Anonymous Vidad October 02, 2013 6:52 PM  

"Window shutters porn!"

Louvered, storm window or decorative?

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 6:59 PM  

I was thinking Plantation - louvered.

Anonymous WaterBoy October 02, 2013 7:01 PM  

"Louvered"

Oh, you French-speaking Lothario, you!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 7:02 PM  

USB flash drive porn!
Calculus porn!

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 7:03 PM  

There's got to be something in this universe that has not been porned.

Anonymous Heh October 02, 2013 7:04 PM  

Harry Harrison had some man-on-dino action in his Eden trilogy written back in the 1980s (set in an alternate universe in which the dinosaurs weren't wiped out).

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 7:06 PM  

Oooh, I know.... Doppleganger porn!

Anonymous Adsignatos D. October 02, 2013 7:07 PM  

Man when this place jumps the shark...I'd rather not dwell on shark porn.

Anonymous Anonagain October 02, 2013 7:07 PM  

Antimatter porn!

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