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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

20 Million Views for 2015

Just passed the number last weekend. I’ll have a full report early in 2016. But still: 20 million views. It doesn’t suck. Thank you.

You may now throw your yellow flag: Unsportsmanlike conduct, 15 yards, taunting.

In other news, it isn't easy being a Supreme Dark Lord at Christmas time. Forget all the various festivals and invitations from cringing inferiors too frightened to not invite one to their tedious celebrations, the real problem this year is that my Ice Princess wants a freaking cheetah as a companion for her puppy.


Because having four large beasts underfoot clearly isn't enough. Well, I suppose it could be worse. She might have asked for a pair of matching polar bears or a narwhal. Whatever happened to a nice, simple necklace of gilded SJW ears, anyway?

UPDATE: Dance party makes Waco go away!

John Scalzi @scalzi
Also muting 27 keywords, mostly Twitter handles I'd already muted, so I don't have to see jerks sucking up to other jerks by insulting me.

If you don't see it, you can pretend it isn't happening. You were right back in 2005, Johnny. There is a LOT more candy in me. An infinite amount. What a pity you don't like the taste of it anymore.

Labels: ,

70 Comments:

Blogger Gapeseed December 22, 2015 7:32 AM  

Congrats!

Blogger Aeoli Pera December 22, 2015 7:36 AM  

"Comments are closed".

You have to admit, his reaction time is inspiring.

Blogger Phillip George December 22, 2015 7:38 AM  

cheetah or cheater Vox? How's your hearing?

Anonymous fish December 22, 2015 7:44 AM  

Phillip GeorgeDecember 22, 2015 7:38 AM

cheetah or cheater Vox? How's your hearing?



Perhaps the Dark Lord should take the easy road and simply procure some Cheetos for his princess?

Blogger #0006 Hammer December 22, 2015 7:46 AM  

Yay, that means you have to come to Africa and I get to meet the Supreme Dark Lord in person

Blogger Shimshon December 22, 2015 7:49 AM  

Is that more or less than Scalzi's?

Anonymous Determinator December 22, 2015 7:54 AM  

"Is that more or less than Scalzi's?"

Scalzi has ~100M pageviews. Anyone that disputes that number is a racist.

Blogger Shimshon December 22, 2015 7:54 AM  

Actually, it can't be. He claims only "up to" 20M.

Anonymous Blue Meanie December 22, 2015 7:56 AM  

Oh man, his most recent blog post is a photo of his cats. Too easy.

It's one thing to have been born predisposed to Gamma. It's quite another to distill Gamma to its pure essence. The guy is beyond reach.

Blogger Carl Philipp December 22, 2015 7:57 AM  

"Whatever happened to a nice, simple necklace of gilded SJW ears, anyway?"

Even gilded SJW parts get old, with enough repetition. I mean, I know you have a surplus, but have you considered Etsy instead?

Blogger VD December 22, 2015 7:57 AM  

Is that more or less than Scalzi's?

More than three times more. I look forward to McRapey explaining at length how Twitter is much more important than blogs, which are so 2012 now. He doesn't release his annual pageviews anymore, because doing so reveals his pedestrian appeal and no longer serves the Narrative that he is the most popular and bestest-beloved blogger in SF.

Blogger Steve, the Dark Ninja of Mockery December 22, 2015 7:59 AM  

It's as if 20 million voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

Blogger Nate December 22, 2015 8:05 AM  

Why can't she have a narwhal?

Blogger VD December 22, 2015 8:07 AM  

Why can't she have a narwhal?

I'm not putting in a cold-water pool. The shark tank is bad enough.

Blogger JDC December 22, 2015 8:23 AM  

Whatever happened to a nice, simple necklace of gilded SJW ears, anyway?

You have created your own problem here. Your have flooded the market with SJW ears rendering them nearly worthless.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 22, 2015 8:25 AM  

It's not December 31st yet. Scalzi has more than enough time to make up the deficit.

It's not hard to do when your numbers aren't based in reality.

However divide Scalzi's claimed eight million views by twelve and you get...666666.66666

Blogger Nate December 22, 2015 8:27 AM  

"However divide Scalzi's claimed eight million views by twelve and you get...666666.66666"

Illuminati confirmed!

Blogger Nate December 22, 2015 8:28 AM  

"I'm not putting in a cold-water pool. The shark tank is bad enough"

20 bucks says she gets the Narwhal. In fact... I will also bet an additional 5 bucks that the Narwhal ends up in one of the comics.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan December 22, 2015 8:32 AM  

Only a breeding pair of Narwhals will suffice

Anonymous kfg December 22, 2015 8:36 AM  

Well now you've got me to thinking that I've been neglecting my cheetah by not getting it a puppy as a companion. And if it bonds to puppies, what the hell am I supposed to feed it from now on?

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Blogger Steve, the Dark Ninja of Mockery December 22, 2015 8:40 AM  

"However divide Scalzi's claimed eight million views by twelve and you get...666666.66666"

SHAKE UP, WEEPLE!

Blogger bob k. mando December 22, 2015 8:43 AM  

14. VD December 22, 2015 8:07 AM
I'm not putting in a cold-water pool. The shark tank is bad enough.



oh, come ON.

the only thing that could match sharks with fricking lasers on their heads would be narwhals with fricking lasers on their horns.

Blogger Tank December 22, 2015 8:46 AM  

You're just playin until you get an alligator.

Blogger sconzey December 22, 2015 8:47 AM  

That, and the craftmanship of the Guild of Ear Gilders is not what it once was....

Anonymous kfg December 22, 2015 8:53 AM  

"You're just playin until you get an alligator."

Phhhbt! We feed those to the salties.

Blogger Steve, the Dark Ninja of Mockery December 22, 2015 8:55 AM  

Bob - Nigga, please.

Do you think the Supreme Dark Lord would be so cloyingly nouveau riche as to mount cheesy laser beams on his sharks?

What is he - the sort of Evil Mastermind you'd find at Costco?

FACT: lasers don't work well in water.

FACT: it's not 1985 any more. Laser beams, Blaupunkt stereos, and Jean Michel Jarre are no longer cool.

FACT: the Supreme Dark Lord is being mischeivously understated as usual. When he says "sharks", he means Samuel L. Jackson devouring Megalodons, genetically and cybernetically enhanced so their carbon nanofilament capped teeth can chomp through NATO submarines.

Did you think the Costa Concordia sank by accident?

Blogger Remo - Vile Faceless Minion #99 December 22, 2015 9:05 AM  

I think I could swing a Panda cub if you ask nicely. I've been to the Chengdu Panda preserve dozens of times and their security isn't the greatest....

Blogger Student in Blue December 22, 2015 9:05 AM  

@Steve,tDNoM
[...]Blaupunkt stereos [...] are no longer cool.

Aww maaaan.

What about annoying synths in music?

Blogger bob k. mando December 22, 2015 9:07 AM  

bitch, please.

FACT: blue lasers work fine in water.

FACT: sharks with fricking lasers on their heads are never not cool

Anonymous 0007 December 22, 2015 9:09 AM  

Drag those ears 50 miles down wind of some polar bears and you'll have a nice selection of bears to choose from toot sweet.

Anonymous po #412 December 22, 2015 9:11 AM  

If you want a(nother) dog, start by asking for a cheetah.

Blogger Gaiseric December 22, 2015 9:15 AM  

According to one of my favorite movies (Hatari!) a cheetah would make a GREAT pet.

Blogger Steve, the Dark Ninja of Mockery December 22, 2015 9:19 AM  

Student in Blue - the synths are fine.

Bob - Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.

blue lasers work fine in water.

Only for gay merman discos. Not for melting through the hulls of Ohio-class submarines so that aquatic commando-minions can board and steal the Trident ICBM's. Duh!

sharks with fricking lasers on their heads are never not cool

You probably still think those novelty singing Billy Bass fish are funny.

It's [current year]! Get with the times.

Blogger tz December 22, 2015 9:19 AM  

Maybe just not an audiophile so doesn't need golden ears.
My first thought on the cheetah was Michael Jackson's menagerie. Are your ceilings giraffe friendly?

Blogger Were-Puppy December 22, 2015 9:22 AM  

@19 Mr.MantraMan

Only a breeding pair of Narwhals will suffice
---

Narwhal invasion detected. It won't be long until they demand chain family immigration.

Anonymous Napoleon 12pdr December 22, 2015 9:27 AM  

Cheetahs are cats. Perhaps the Ice Princess would be happy with the Crazy Cat Lady starter kit. I think Amazon has them on sale.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 22, 2015 9:30 AM  

Trust me man, you get a cheetah, next thing you know chimps start moving in.

Anonymous Downer December 22, 2015 9:35 AM  

What if it gets hungry?

Blogger bob k. mando December 22, 2015 9:40 AM  

heck, you could put Glock lasers on a sharks head ... and it would still be KINDA cool.

Blogger Happy Housewife December 22, 2015 9:40 AM  

Looks like denying you a platform didn't go the way the SFWA planned, eh?

Blogger Student in Blue December 22, 2015 9:40 AM  

Trust me man, you get a cheetah, next thing you know chimps start moving in.

Vox is opening his house to refugees?

Anonymous kfg December 22, 2015 9:40 AM  

"Blaupunkt stereos . . . are no longer cool."

Unless it's wrapped in a BMW 2002tii. Keep something long enough and it comes back into style.

Anonymous George Rape Rape Martin VFM #7432381 December 22, 2015 9:48 AM  

Oh shit, I just gave McRapey a page view as I had to hit that yellow flag link.

But now I've got it figured out. McRapey has struck a secret deal with the Dark Lord to pump up his traffic. And at least half of the 8 million views are Ilk.

Anonymous YIH December 22, 2015 9:57 AM  

@2 Aoli Pera:
"Comments are closed".

You have to admit, his reaction time is inspiring.

Too bad, Hartiste has some valuable advice for him in his latest post.

Anonymous Classic Chocolate December 22, 2015 10:13 AM  

One word: toxoplasmosis

Blogger Yemi Fawehinmi December 22, 2015 10:22 AM  

Congrats

Blogger Were-Puppy December 22, 2015 10:24 AM  

@41 Student in Blue

Vox is opening his house to refugees?
---

I was thinking more of a Tarzan thing :P

Blogger Dire Badger December 22, 2015 10:59 AM  

We are not sucking up to anyone by insulting John Scalzi.

We insult him because it's fun, and beating him up the fat kid and taking his lunch money would get an adult jailed.

He should be very grateful we are too lazy to hide his body.

Anonymous DNW December 22, 2015 11:53 AM  



Scalzi: "Also muting 27 keywords, mostly Twitter handles I'd already muted, so I don't have to see jerks sucking up to other jerks by insulting me."

Is "chinless" a keyword?

That futile "beard" too. Like trying to disguise baldness with a comb-over starting at the neck.

Blogger Haute and Poor December 22, 2015 12:08 PM  

That's quite an accomplishment.

You can thank Henrik and the crew at Red Ice for, at least, me. I heard your interview there and meandered over here eventually.

I can't say how I found Red Ice but I am so glad I did. It's like a whole other world has been opened up--people actually saying and thinking what I have been thinking and seeing for years.

Anonymous KoranBurningFaggot December 22, 2015 12:15 PM  

"Is that more or less than Scalzi's?"Scalzi has ~100M pageviews. Anyone that disputes that number is a racist.

When did he hit 6million?

Only for gay merman discos. "If you where a merman disco DJ my love"

Anonymous BGS December 22, 2015 12:48 PM  

You have to admit, his reaction time is inspiring. Too bad, Hartiste has some valuable advice for him in his latest post.

I followed that link to the PAWORLDTIME Link https://paworldandtimes.wordpress.com/2015/11/25/how-to-help-prevent-mudsharking/ for my nieces only to find.

"The Father must be a psychologically strong man who knows who he is and where he comes from. If he lets his daughters watch TV he must be a formidable counterbalance to its lies.

This is the foundation on which everything else rests."

I am not sure my brother in law is man enough to email that article to, in order to protect my 2 nieces.

Blogger S.I.G: Shining in Dune December 22, 2015 1:00 PM  

Aww, kitten is just playing! Declaw CheetahPal and enjoy Christmas.

Very cool Mike tweeted how brave McRapey remains.

Blogger S.I.G: Shining in Dune December 22, 2015 1:11 PM  

What about a fox instead of warhal or cheetah?

Narwhals dont communicate pretty or graceful.

Anonymous Victor F. Michaelson December 22, 2015 1:26 PM  

Weren't there narwhals on the map? This is bigger than it looks. We need to take the lands where the narwhals live before we take a narwhal. That is what she's asking for.

Anonymous GreyS December 22, 2015 1:49 PM  

It's quite another to distill Gamma to its pure essence.

I look forward to McRapey explaining at length how Twitter is much more important than blogs, which are so 2012 now

[chuckle] If there is one person on the internet who has another person pegged better than VD has Scalzi pegged-- I don't know who it is.

Makes me wonder--- Is there anything Scalzi can do anymore that would legitimately surprise VD?

Blogger exfarmkid December 22, 2015 2:01 PM  

Congratulations, VD! And thank you for the entertainment.

Blogger Thucydides December 22, 2015 2:44 PM  

If Scalzi is putting everyone on "mute", we can always return the favour. I only ever read "Old Man's War" based on the recommendations of friends (back before SJW's were infesting everything) and didn't see the appeal, I have never read another one of his books and cannot fathom why anyone would be interested in what he says, does or thinks either....

And VD, getting Princess a narwhal would be great for developing character. She can have it so long as she takes it out daily for exercise and cleans the tank every morning.

Merry Christmas!

Blogger Geir Balderson December 22, 2015 3:24 PM  

Congrats Vox Day for your huge advancement to humankind!!

However, you do need to work on the betterment of individual girl-lives. As Lila on Scalzi's site says "...has enriched my life considerably, and is one of the most civilized places on the internet."

Blogger VD December 22, 2015 3:52 PM  

Is there anything Scalzi can do anymore that would legitimately surprise VD?

1. Apologize to my readers for his behavior towards them.
2. Become a white nationalist BEFORE the civil wars start.
3. Leave his wife to gay-marry Wil Wheaton.
4. Write a good science fiction novel.

Hard to say which would be the most unlikely.

Blogger weka December 22, 2015 6:17 PM  

@Spacebunny should not get cheetahs. They see children as scooby snacks. They are untameable. Cheetah skins, on the other hand, bring back the wonderful poem.

Would you sin
With Gwynn
On a tiger skin?

Or err
with her
on another fur?


Besides, you will piss off the neighbours. almost as much as grilling bacon and passing it around as christmas charity at the local 'fugee centre.

Anonymous Rolf December 22, 2015 6:52 PM  

@56 - Go to confession (and be honest and humble) then mass, and mean it. Then do the penance given without whining or bragging.

Pretty sure that combo would be a jaw-dropper.

Anonymous tiarosa December 22, 2015 7:31 PM  

..makes Waco go away.

What??

Blogger J Van Stry December 22, 2015 7:38 PM  

If you can get the Cheetah legally where you live (it's a royal pain here in the US due to a lot of very stupid laws) by all means go for it.
While I've never worked one (and I've worked damn near everything else) I've heard wonderful stories from those who have had them.
I could also hook you up with an expert or two on them if necessary.

Blogger pdwalker December 22, 2015 9:39 PM  

20M page views you claim?

Finally, we have proof that VD is not real. No human and his sock puppets could click on his own website that many times and still have a working hand.

PS: Cheetahs are cool. Crazy cat ladies (and men) with cheetahs demand respect, not pity.

Blogger Michael Maier December 23, 2015 12:15 AM  

Vox, I will chance pissing you off by calling you a damned liar.

"3. Leave his wife to gay-marry Wil Wheaton."

THAT would NOT surprise you in the least.

Blogger VD December 23, 2015 8:58 AM  

THAT would NOT surprise you in the least.

It would. Scalzi is a fame whore. He's entirely straight. His antics are merely attention-seeking.

Blogger Michael Maier December 23, 2015 7:53 PM  

I'm not sure if that makes his feminine traits more or less annoying.

Blogger Dennis Mahon December 23, 2015 11:30 PM  

Narwhals? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX9IRXIF5Ak

Blogger Jackie DeLister December 24, 2015 9:11 PM  

@7

If by M you mean thousand.

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