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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The true lesson of Star Wars

Markku helpfully summarizes the Star Wars Saga:
The plot so far:
-Empire builds a Death Star
-Empire builds a bigger Death Star
And now... Wait for it...
-Empire builds EVEN bigger Death Star

And the movie knows how silly this is. When the rebels hear, they basically go "Oh come on, not this shit again? *sigh* Ooooh-kay. Where's the shield generators? There. Where's the weak spot? There. Ok, guys, let's go blow this up.

Now, it's really nice that the movie is forthright about how much the central plot element sucks, but I wonder if the alternative occurred to anyone, to make it NOT suck and not have to apologize for it.

That's the real weakness of the movie.
The third one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one will stay up! And that's the true lesson of Star Wars, kids, just keep building bigger and better Death Stars until one finally survives the arduous construction and beta testing process and you rule the galaxy.

Labels:

210 Comments:

1 – 200 of 210 Newer› Newest»
Blogger grendel December 23, 2015 2:39 PM  

The forces of empire would never be so stupid As to fall into a repeat loop. Now, are we electing a 3rd bush or a second clinton this year?

Anonymous Spy December 23, 2015 2:39 PM  

My son is begging me to take him to see this abomination; therefore, I must go.

What a waste of money this will be.

Anonymous WinstonWebb December 23, 2015 2:39 PM  

It's just fiction imitating reality. Don't the agents of FedGov promise utopia if we will just keep on biggering and biggering the Behemoth?

Blogger maniacprovost December 23, 2015 2:40 PM  

So Episode VII is basically an allegory for America's foreign policy? I think they could have been less subtle about it. Is Leia wearing a Burka?

Blogger Mr.MantraMan December 23, 2015 2:40 PM  

"Let's build a bigger Death Star" seen on future t-shirt

Blogger Ostar December 23, 2015 2:42 PM  

Oh come on! Spoilers on the initial post itself!?!
I can understand in the comments, because we have a choice to read those.
But in the post when the movie is barely a week old?


Anonymous joe doakes December 23, 2015 2:42 PM  

Now all they need is an actress with huge . . . tracts of land.

Anonymous Victor F. Michaelson December 23, 2015 2:44 PM  

"Never reinforce failure" Were have we heard that bit o'wisdom mentioned?

Blogger Chris McCullough December 23, 2015 2:45 PM  

Alderan shot first.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 December 23, 2015 2:46 PM  

I heard a podcast where someone suggested that the New Order should have created something stealthy that drops hard metal rods into a planet's core.

Yes, it's been done before in movies and television shows but it might have been more interesting than a Death Star that essentially destroys a solar system's star in order to destroy its planets.

Anonymous Axe Head December 23, 2015 2:46 PM  

"The True Le$$on of $tar War$"

Blogger JDC December 23, 2015 2:47 PM  

I'm seeing it with the kiddos and cousins next week, and I will not let you star wars scrooges, grinches and misanthropes rob me of my enjoyment! So they're building another one - great...let's hope they leave another hole, or forget to account for such a formidable enemy as the ewoks.

I want the Star Wars that I watch to have that certain, special something.....

Blogger maniacprovost December 23, 2015 2:51 PM  

It would be nice if this Death MacGuffin were suddenly side swiped by a log dangling by two vines from offscreen. I would pay extra for that.

Blogger VD December 23, 2015 2:52 PM  

Oh come on! Spoilers on the initial post itself!?!

There are no spoilers. You already know that the entire episode is a rehash of Star Wars. It's just a simple matter of plugging in X is Y.

Anonymous The Force Slumbers December 23, 2015 2:53 PM  

if at first you don't succeed ...


insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results

Anonymous Faceless December 23, 2015 2:54 PM  

@6 Ostar

This is not a safe space.

There are no beanbag chairs.

There are no adult finger paints.

Hurry! Go self care!

Blogger dh December 23, 2015 2:54 PM  

Apparently whatever far off universe they have has never heard of defense in depth.

Blogger JDC December 23, 2015 2:58 PM  

Off topic - Just picked up, "Son of the Black Sword," by L.C. at the library and will be spending the rest of the afternoon sitting in my deer blind with a great book. Hope it has werewolves in it.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 3:00 PM  

It's r/K theory applied to art.

No-name artist trying to break out = harsh environment
Lauded popular high-status folks presiding over successful franchise sequels = free resources

Solution:

TruFans "crowdfund" sequels of successful franchises. Money goes into escrow. After viewing sequel, each donator votes - either his money goes to a charity, or to the artist.

Multiply % "Yes" votes by creative controller's contractual royalties to determine how much money he actually receives. Add pre-release donations from "Yes" voters. Voila: Fan accountability.

Blogger Sean December 23, 2015 3:01 PM  

That's what made me so mad. It wouldn't have taken a significant amount of energy to write something that didn't suck. Hell Timothy Zahn already wrote one possibility. The whole thing just felt lazy, which is amazing considering the staggering amounts of money that is involved.

Blogger SouthRon December 23, 2015 3:02 PM  

And that's the true lesson of Star Wars, kids, just keep building bigger and better Death Stars until one finally survives the arduous construction and beta testing process and you rule the galaxy.

Star Wars? This is the story of our economic system, government programs, and progressive social agendas. If it hasn't worked yet, we just need to fail bigger. It's not the idea that sucks, we just haven't tried hard enough.

Gammatude incarnate. I.Can.Not.Fail. If they really understood me... If she really saw what's in my heart... If I just try harder next time...

Blogger Chris Nelson December 23, 2015 3:03 PM  

The duplication of the plot device and the acceptance of the audience reminds me of the bear joke:

"You didn't really come here to hunt, did you?"

The Freudian connotations are evident. LOL

Blogger Robert Elfers December 23, 2015 3:04 PM  

Still waiting for the Dune reboot.

Blogger Chris Nelson December 23, 2015 3:06 PM  

"The whole thing just felt lazy, which is amazing considering the staggering amounts of money that is involved."

If Congress can get away with robbing the public, it's not much of a challenge for Hollywood to fleece the willing.

Anonymous Roundtine December 23, 2015 3:06 PM  

In terms of energy expended, at what point would it be cheaper for the Empire to fling moons and asteroids around? Should they be building this station at the edge of asteroid or comet belts?

Anonymous IncoherentM December 23, 2015 3:08 PM  

TFA is actually a reboot of Star Wars, but with rehashed scenes, shots, characters, and plot devices mixed in from JJ's other movies. TFA, like his first Star Trek is an entertaining watch the first time, with some exciting set pieces and funny characters, but I don't know if it will stand up to repeat viewing.

Blogger JaimeInTexas December 23, 2015 3:12 PM  

You cat loving!!!! You gave the plot!!!! Arrrrgh! I am as devastated as the swamped star.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan December 23, 2015 3:17 PM  

Death Star stronger than WarMouse?

Blogger S1AL December 23, 2015 3:18 PM  

Vox just trolling so hard right now.

Blogger WATYF #0222 December 23, 2015 3:25 PM  

meh... It was a fun movie. Coulda done without the inexplicably overpowered lead with no character arc, but overall I wasn't disappointed.

I wasn't expecting Shakespeare.

Blogger Elocutioner December 23, 2015 3:26 PM  

@1 Grendel "Now, are we electing a 3rd bush or a second clinton this year?"

Dunno, but apparently Haliburton is building another no-bid Death Star.

Blogger S1AL December 23, 2015 3:28 PM  

I wonder if the backup title for the movie was Death Star: With a Vengeance.

Anonymous Samuel Scott December 23, 2015 3:28 PM  

It's a family soap opera and a popcorn-action movie, people. Stop taking it so seriously.

The (marketing) point of the movie was to rehash what worked in Episode 4 to enthrall a new generation of fans just as in 1977. Then, the last two movies can take the story anywhere.

Blogger WATYF #0222 December 23, 2015 3:28 PM  

Just finished it. It was really good. No werewolves though.

Blogger Krul December 23, 2015 3:30 PM  

"When the rebels hear, they basically go "Oh come on, not this shit again? *sigh* Ooooh-kay. Where's the shield generators? There. Where's the weak spot? There. Ok, guys, let's go blow this up."

Compare this *blah* scene with the palpable dread and rising panic conveyed so effectively yet so subtly in one brief scene with one perfect line:

"That's no moon. It's a space station."

Anonymous VFM#158 December 23, 2015 3:37 PM  

I don't think they're actually building Death Stars. Obviously the Empire has a super secret space tree somewhere that grows the things and the whole "building a gigantic space station" is just a cover story. The reason they explode so easily is because that's how the space tree spreads its seeds, but Vader Force-choked the space botanists who pointed this out in R&D.

Blogger S1AL December 23, 2015 3:39 PM  

So... Rogue Planet?

Blogger Guitar Man December 23, 2015 3:40 PM  

I'm going to go see it. And not be triggered by any SJW indoctrination (perceived or real).

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 23, 2015 3:43 PM  

I feel sorry for Kylo Ren

Blogger Salt December 23, 2015 3:44 PM  

And it's never occurred to them to make the Death Star smaller, till it's properly sized to harrass people on social media instead of blowing up planets.

Blogger sysadmn December 23, 2015 3:54 PM  

Rocket J. Squirrel: Aw Bullwinkle, that trick never works!
Bullwinkle J. Moose: This time for sure! Nothing up my sleeve...

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 23, 2015 3:54 PM  

The Marine Corps never prepared Adam Driver for such a life of horror. How could it?

Anonymous bw December 23, 2015 3:58 PM  

Maybe it is all downhill from Altamont, the Stones, Hell's Angels, and death for Lucas?

Anonymous DT December 23, 2015 4:04 PM  

@39
@42

Well now his character makes sense.

Anonymous Babymetal > U2 December 23, 2015 4:14 PM  

Still waiting for the Dune reboot.

On the Planet Duanne, Paula Atreidess, strong independent girl extraordinare full of moxxie combines her Bene Gesserit and Kwaizatz Haderacht superpowers and her Fe-men Space Muslim team of kick-ass girls to take down the Evil Patriarch Emperor and his Baron Hark-on-men henchman!

See, I just saved Hollywood a million bux in scripting.

Blogger Daniel December 23, 2015 4:16 PM  

So stupid. Empire should have terraformed the surface of the Death Star and installed atmospheric towers...then populated the surface with cute toy-selling aliens...ewoks and jawas.

The rebellion NEVER would have blown it up.

Anonymous karsten December 23, 2015 4:17 PM  

"It's a family soap opera and a popcorn-action movie, people. Stop taking it so seriously."

You're such a liar. A cuck might simply be too dumb to get the screamingly obvious, but you, you are being tactically disingenuous.

This is like saying of parables that "They're just stories about fishing and shepherding and husbandry." When even their creator himself gives their meaning and message, and openly states that they are designed to smuggle in ideas.

There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment. Nothing. That's THE main reason why we're in the sorry state of the present day. And it is the failure of cucks to recognize this, and the slyness of pop-entertainment's creators to thus hide their propaganda (like putting poison in a sugar pill), that makes it so destructive.

Read the book "Primetime Propaganda" by one of your co-ethics, who not only lets the cat out of the bag, but even got your co-ethnics to go on record as stating, point blank, about how their explicit intent, in producing popular entertainment, is to advance a cultural-Leftist agenda.

And oh boy, it works.

This movie is the most blatant and aggressive push of toxic feminism (because all feminism is toxic) in recent cultural memory, all the more virulent because of its reach.

Blogger Rabbi B December 23, 2015 4:21 PM  

@47 karsten

There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment.

People could stay home. Since when is popular entertainment compulsory?

Blogger Russell Lemley December 23, 2015 4:25 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Nate December 23, 2015 4:27 PM  

Actually if they just would've kept females out of leadership Starkville would have been fine

Blogger Chris Gallo December 23, 2015 4:28 PM  

"Hell Timothy Zahn already wrote one possibility."

An infinitely better possibility. I remember liking them a lot.

Blogger The Rev December 23, 2015 4:33 PM  

I can't express how amusing this Vox Popoli/SJW Wars kerfuffle has been. It's an early Christmas for lovers of internet drama. Salud!

Blogger Rabbi B December 23, 2015 4:39 PM  

I can't express how amusing this Vox Popoli/SJW Wars kerfuffle has been. It's an early Christmas for lovers of internet drama. Salud!

It's serious business, it is.

OpenID Jack Amok December 23, 2015 4:40 PM  

It should've been the New Republic that tried to build a third Death Star (for defense, of course, and as a workfare program for disemployed clonetroopers), but they went broke and that's what gave the Sith another shot.

That would also explain why the Sith aren't using clones as stromtroopers anymore - the clones are all loyal to the Republic because of the welfare bennies. Well, that, and Admiral Aryan Youth correctly observed the clones had a genetic defect that prevented them shooting straight.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 4:41 PM  

So, anybody going to cap it off with a viewing of the Star Wars Christmas Special?

Anonymous Joe Blowe December 23, 2015 4:43 PM  

@40

The only reason that the original Death Star was so huge in the first place is because it was much easier for ILM to create a flat horizon than a curved horizon for the Rebel attack on the Death Star at the end of the movie.

The most sickening thing about this corporate product is the total emasculation of Han Solo, the baddest Alpha dog in the galaxy, at the hands of an untrained, untested grrl-powered Mary Sue and her magical Negro boyfriend. He was then summarily wasted by his infantile, goofy looking emo son. An ignominious end but specifically designed that way. Han Solo was the hero and role model for generations of White men and boys and J.J. Abrams (cough, cough) had to destroy him and his image, just like a born nation wrecker. Disgusting.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother December 23, 2015 4:50 PM  

I'll bet Karsten is lots of fun at parties...

Hey bad news! Someone at your favorite restaurant donated money to the Human Rights Campaign! Better not go there again.

Blogger RobertDWood December 23, 2015 4:53 PM  

Zonoma Sekot?

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 4:54 PM  

The real Sith Lords are the many elite worshippers of Lucifer, the shining one, Prince of the Air, god of this world. Illuminati, Shriner, Freemason... whatever it's called, it's all the same thing.

The real Death Star is the nuclear tipped Federal Reserve, set to metamorphose into a digital Keynesian one-world currency that begins expiring from date of issue.

The real Jedi are the sons of God.

The real Earth is Alderaan.

And there is no thermal exhaust port.

Blogger RobertDWood December 23, 2015 4:57 PM  

Point of order, in jedi the second death star was primarily used as a gambit to draw the rebel fleet into battle, where out could be decisively destroyed.
That's a creative and compelling reuse of a plot device.
This new weapon has none of that creativity.

Anonymous Takin' a Look December 23, 2015 4:57 PM  

@55

Wasn't it Carrie Fisher who admitted that everybody was quaffing huge amounts of the wacky-tobacky, nose-candy and acid when they came up with that turkey?

Still, at least it was Bea Arthur, not the Dunham Horror.

Blogger Guitar Man December 23, 2015 4:59 PM  

Stg58/Animal Mother,

I only support the Human Fund.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother December 23, 2015 5:06 PM  

Not The Human League?

Blogger ray December 23, 2015 5:07 PM  

#21 -- "Star Wars? This is the story of our economic system, government programs, and progressive social agendas."


It's more Resentment Art. Like the Hugos, Grammys, performance theatre, indie scenes, college writing programs, heck whatever. Socio-political scum, pretending creativity. Third-rate cultural terrorists, crowding around the corpse with long sharp straws, sucking the last marrow.

They can't even create a simple plot device. They don't originate anything; they can't. So they'll just re-hash the Death Star conceit used TWICE already and put an Asskicking Ameriskank in the lead. That'll show those Privileged White Males AND make millions. . . yet the Piglet Public, in line at the Trough of the Doomed, are gonna save civilization? Shit they can't even RECOGNIZE civilization.


"The thief comes only to kill, steal, and destroy." (John 10)

Anonymous Bah December 23, 2015 5:16 PM  

Did Nate get tired of telling everyone this steaming pile of excrement was really a delicious bowl of ice cream?

Blogger Curtis December 23, 2015 5:18 PM  

So, the movie is really about our government?

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother December 23, 2015 5:20 PM  

Y'all are a bunch of sour, weeping vaginas.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 5:24 PM  

"There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment. Nothing."

Oh I dunno, incoming artillery fire kind of sucks too.

Blogger WATYF #0222 December 23, 2015 5:24 PM  

He was then summarily wasted by his infantile, goofy looking emo son. An ignominious end but specifically designed that way. Han Solo was the hero and role model for generations of White men and boys and J.J. Abrams (cough, cough) had to destroy him and his image

Nonsense. Ford has been trying to get Solo killed off since RotJ. He wanted him to die a sacrificial death back then and he finally got his wish now.

Anonymous 334 December 23, 2015 5:28 PM  

The whole thing just felt lazy, which is amazing considering the staggering amounts of money that is involved.

There were probably one or two good plot ideas raised at some stage, but shot down because they did not check all the boxes on the neverending and constantly expanding list of SJW criteria.

What you end up with after a few tries is lower-than-lowest common denominator.

Blogger Azimus December 23, 2015 5:29 PM  

It's no wonder that the best of the 7 Star Wars films released thus far (Empire Strikes Back) has no death star in it whatsoever. When forced to do some actual character development, dialogue, and plot, Star Wars writers briefly discovered that film and science fiction are excellent venues to explore deeper themes and struggles of the human condition. Bravo!

I get the feeling that the American film going population as a whole is less and less impressed with "the epic struggle" films involving imminent doom, a vastly outgunned band standing up against impossible odds, and some likeable individual sacrificing him/herself for the greater good*. Its been done and done and done and done and done.

* = only if highly likeable but disposable characters are available. See Randy Quaid Independence Day, Spock in Wrath of Khan, Kirk in Star Trek Into Darkness, Sean Bean's character in a half dozen films, etc., etc., etc.

Blogger Chris Nelson December 23, 2015 5:30 PM  

"Did Nate get tired of telling everyone this steaming pile of excrement was really a delicious bowl of ice cream?"

If Star Wars is his religion, may he's required proselytize and share his salvation?

Blogger Latigo3 December 23, 2015 5:31 PM  

After reading the post and some of the comments, unfortunately I was proven right. I haven't seen the movie, but all one had to do was look at the promotional posters and then the director. So, Star Wars turned into another girl power movie, kind like all the stupid girl power movies out there.
In the movies or even with the likes of Rhonda Rousey, girls are purported to be something that they are not. Hollywood and it's like may try all they want, but it doesn't work in real life. In real life, my 15 year son (purple belt in Kenpo Karate) lands one punch into the ribs of a female green belt and he sent her heaving and crying. THe dojo is about 90 % male, they do try to be kind to girls that want to train and they are not big on tournaments (which I like); yet I told my son, if the girl thinks she can handle it and she wants to spar, they deal with her.
It's all over the place, the TV show Agents of Shield, the women are supposedly the big butt kickers and the best guy fighters are either the bad guy or a supposedly inferior male.
When reality hits, this is what happens: women can't carry the 70-80 pound ruck sack on their backs, in the field women stink up the place (literally) and in the ring one punch from an average sized 15 year old male will put a big hurt on any female.

Blogger JaimeInTexas December 23, 2015 5:33 PM  

I know of only one Starkville, home of the bulldogs.

Blogger Chris Nelson December 23, 2015 5:34 PM  

"Oh I dunno, incoming artillery fire kind of sucks too."

Having the neighborhood meth dealers house catch fire and nearly explode is a close second.

Blogger JaimeInTexas December 23, 2015 5:36 PM  

The Star Wars movie with JarJar Binks, the main thing I remember is the sperm swiming through a dark cavern.

Anonymous Minion #414 December 23, 2015 5:42 PM  

Poor Nate.

I have this mental image of him sitting in his underwear in his mom's basement screaming "THE TRAIN IS FINE!" over and over again while punching F5 on the keyboard.

Anonymous Takin' a Look December 23, 2015 5:47 PM  

@67

Y'all are a bunch of sour, weeping vaginas

Behold....Disney Pricess Bun-Bun

At 29 second mark you can see Harrison Ford's spirit break.

The comments are hilarious "Can you feel, the force tonight?"

Disney has precedent, don't think they won't do it! Why do you thing Harrison Ford begged to be killed off?

Blogger grendel December 23, 2015 5:49 PM  

@33 everything is a soap opera now, because writing coherent stories with a beginning, middle, and end has been replaced by milking a dead horse for all eternity.

Anonymous Red Comet December 23, 2015 5:50 PM  

It's obvious the Finn character was originally written to be the girl's (white) screw-up beta male sidekick forever banished to the Friend Zone. This would have been obvious to me from just watching the film even I hadn't read beforehand that the character was originally white.

Hollywood Jews generally shoe-horn in that stereotype without having to explain to their foot-soldiers that they need to include it. Unfortunately for them, Abrams is some high-up's dumb nephew or something and accidentally cast a black guy in a role meant to humiliate white men. I wonder if this is one of the reasons he won't be back to direct Episode VIII?

Blogger Azimus December 23, 2015 5:50 PM  

Sean December 23, 2015 3:01 PM
That's what made me so mad. It wouldn't have taken a significant amount of energy to write something that didn't suck. Hell Timothy Zahn already wrote one possibility. The whole thing just felt lazy, which is amazing considering the staggering amounts of money that is involved.


I would check your thought only in this way - Disney ain't in this to break new creative ground. They paid a fortune for the Star Wars franchise and they did that for one reason and it rhymes with rofit.

It is a shame, at the same time, that their research told them that simply remaking episode 4 with more emo characters for our times would generate the highest return on investment.

Blogger grendel December 23, 2015 5:50 PM  

@78 it's not a Disney movie until someone loses a father...

Anonymous lurk December 23, 2015 5:51 PM  

And remember kids, put your planetary shield generator control room somewhere other than your main complex with 10 of your dumbest storm troopers guarding it and no tamper/ general alarms on the doors. Because reasons.

Anonymous Takin' a Look December 23, 2015 5:55 PM  

@82

Mulan didn't lose her dad. Wait, the general zang dude lost his. Point taken.

Blogger Latigo3 December 23, 2015 6:02 PM  

I remember watching Star Wars as a 10 year old at the Mann's Chinese in Hollywood. What a waste the series has become. I don't know, but the older I get, the more I empathize with Sensei John Kreese; "Sweep the leg"

Blogger Quadko December 23, 2015 6:03 PM  

remaking episode 4 with more emo characters for our times would generate the highest return on investment.
Star Wars VII: The Millennial Generation

Anonymous Red Comet December 23, 2015 6:04 PM  

@81

I concur that this is the case exactly. They saw the success J.J. Abrams had with his soulless Star Trek reboot and paid him to make another soulless film that ticked certain checkboxes to maximize all profit potentials in every sector of their business.

Armond White's review of the film is entirely correct.

Anonymous tublecane December 23, 2015 6:09 PM  

@69-What does it matter what Ford wanted? He doesn't write the scripts.

Blogger John December 23, 2015 6:11 PM  

On the other hand, it does illustrate the inability of state militaries to adjust strategy in response to failure.

Blogger Azimus December 23, 2015 6:17 PM  

80. Red Comet December 23, 2015 5:50 PM
It's obvious the Finn character was originally written to be the girl's (white) screw-up beta male sidekick forever banished to the Friend Zone. This would have been obvious to me from just watching the film even I hadn't read beforehand that the character was originally white.


I haven't seen the film yet, but the Finn character is the one that intrigues me the most in terms of story-arc potential. He is the lock-step unthinking solja boy of the regime: eats when he's told to eat, fight when he's told to fight, die when he's told to die. Unthinking trust in the empire/command structure.

Then he wakes up. This theme has been done with Matrix, and probably a dozen other films, but it would explore some completely virgin ground in the Star Wars saga - what is the seduction of the dark side? Why did Finn sign up? What was he told? What did he see? That would be the seminal story arc for our times - looking at the difference between what we are told the world is and what we see the world is. For this reason it is VERY appropriate that they chose a young black man - probably the most universally lied-to constituency in existence right now.

Now, whether or not they did this, I don't know. But if the film were trying to make a statement about current issues and struggles (like, you know, sci fi used to do), that might be the best possible option from the script.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 6:30 PM  

Black people don't need anyone to lie to them. They do a fantastic job of lying to themselves. See black "churches".

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 6:30 PM  

For those who didn't read the thread from which this was taken: I liked the movie overall. It did what none of the prequels did; it really looked and felt like the Star Wars universe. Like episodes IV-VI REALLY happened. That's what the fans wanted to see, and that's what we got.

But it has a big weakness and a small weakness. The big weakness is that at this point it is as hard for the viewer to take the Empire/First Order seriously as it was to the rebels when they heard that they are pulling the same stunt again.

Also, girl power. But much less than everybody feared.

I have to wonder if the supreme leader of the Empire turns out to be The Brain.

Darth Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Emperor Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - build a bigger Death Star!

Blogger VD December 23, 2015 6:57 PM  

I will see this movie, and the sequel, if they build ANOTHER Death Star in the one after this. At that point, it would be taking the piss.

However, I assume the Battle of Hoth will begin the next movie.

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 7:01 PM  

Maybe they'll get original and build two Death Stars orbiting each other. Surely that must work.

Blogger rycamor December 23, 2015 7:04 PM  

that's the true lesson of Star Wars, kids, just keep building bigger and better Death Stars until one finally survives the arduous construction and beta testing process and you rule the galaxy.

Maybe the next one will fail due to an encryption library vulnerability.

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 7:08 PM  

Episode VIII

Rebel scout: *pant* *pant* I come from the star system Stella Mortalis! The Empire is building-
Princess Leia: OH DEAR CHRIST!

Blogger WATYF #0222 December 23, 2015 7:10 PM  

What does it matter what Ford wanted? He doesn't write the scripts.

And? You think the actor who plays the most beloved character in the most beloved film franchise of all time doesn't have input on his future?

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 7:21 PM  

"Maybe the next one will fail due to an encryption library vulnerability."

That sounds way more awesome than a thinly disguised remake of Episode IV.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 7:23 PM  

Episode IX - OMG It's Another Death Star I Can't Even

Anonymous Facepalm Corrigan December 23, 2015 7:23 PM  

@47 "There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment. Nothing."

I dunno Karsten, I kind of thought the Muzzie migrant invasion in Europe was a big deal.

Cue rant about how one leads directly to the other, and calling me a jew in 3, 2, 1...

Blogger Rantor December 23, 2015 7:23 PM  

Must concur with statements above, the Timothy Zahn Grand Admiral Thrawn books would be great movies. The Emperor's Hand character, Mara Jade, makes for great girl power and drama, instead of something new and fresh they repackage IV

Blogger rycamor December 23, 2015 7:24 PM  

47. karsten December 23, 2015 4:17 PM
There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment. Nothing.


So... what JJ Abrams is doing is worse than the actions of

- Mao
- Stalin
- Lenin
- Hitler
- Pol Pot
- Idi Amin

Just to name a few, who accomplished their actions without the need for any popular entertainment. Son, your hyperbole drive is broken, and you can't make the jump into reasonspace.

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 7:26 PM  

Episode VII - A New Death Star
Episode VIII - Empire Strikes Back With Double Death Star
Episode IX - Return of the Gatling Death Star

Anonymous DT December 23, 2015 7:27 PM  

@93 However, I assume the Battle of Hoth will begin the next movie.

That's just silly. It will be nothing at all like the opening to ESB.

It will be a First Order attack on an ice planet called Hothku. Using giant 6-legged robotic 'joggers' piloted by gay Asian men.

Blogger Omega Supreme December 23, 2015 7:28 PM  

"Empire builds EVEN bigger Death Star"
To be fair the Empire Mark II built a superweapon into a existing planet.

It may have been cheaper because the Death MacGuffin did not need propulsion to move it to the target.

Anonymous DT December 23, 2015 7:30 PM  

@102 - So... what JJ Abrams is doing is worse than the actions of

- Mao
- Stalin
- Lenin
- Hitler
- Pol Pot
- Idi Amin


Not yet.

But if he makes a Christmas special...

Blogger Nick S December 23, 2015 7:31 PM  

OT:

Franklin Graham: 'I Have Resigned From the Republican Party'

Blogger rycamor December 23, 2015 7:35 PM  

@106

You just had to go there. Couldn't leave it alone, nope.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Blogger V December 23, 2015 7:38 PM  

Possibly your funniest posting ever.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 7:42 PM  

So it's basically:

Rebels: We will blow up your Death Star!
Empire: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!

Blogger rycamor December 23, 2015 7:46 PM  

@98. Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 7:21 PM

"Maybe the next one will fail due to an encryption library vulnerability."

That sounds way more awesome than a thinly disguised remake of Episode IV.


Heyyyy... maybe in the next episode they can have Jeff Goldblum as the Jedi hacker. "I gave it a cold-- a virus."

Anonymous 0007 December 23, 2015 7:50 PM  

Libs - you can take them off the planet and let them build a DEATH STAR!!1!!, but they still can't figure out the end of the story.

Anonymous Darth Binks, Destroyer of the Republic December 23, 2015 7:53 PM  

*rubs hands together, cackling evilly*

Star Wars Christmas Special you say? Click the link, the harmless little link below. You know you want to...

CLICK ME, I AM NOT A TRAP

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 7:53 PM  

Randy Quaid's not working too much these days, so he'd probably go for it too.

Blogger Ghost December 23, 2015 8:00 PM  

To be fair to the writers, the death star was a govt program that worked successfully one time. Of course they would keep rebuilding it.
/jokes

Blogger 1337kestrel December 23, 2015 8:02 PM  

Maybe they'll get original and build two Death Stars orbiting each other. Surely that must work.

Or three Death Stars in a nice, stable orbit.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 8:06 PM  

@116 Now that was funny.

The entire Star Wars franchise is actually just a fever dream of uneducated moisture farmer Luke Skywalker after huffing paint at Mos Eisley.

Obviously planet busting is trivial for a civilization that possesses hyperdrive. Any cargo-freighter rustbucket could do it.

The death of parents, sister-lust and loss of wanking hand invite Freudian commentary.

Anonymous Dr. J December 23, 2015 8:06 PM  

Geez - first off, been reading these epic threads off and on, and finally saw the film myself with my daughter today. Nate and Markku have the right of it. The movie isn't some huge SJW-fest, and if it's supposed to be, the joke's on them. Check this:

Black Stormtrooper that everyone has been so up in arms about - guy froze up in his first combat mission, spent most of the film running scared, and spent most of his illustrious First Order career as - wait for it - the janitor. And friendzoned by the grrl-power chick in less than 12 parsecs.

Grrl-power chick - I'm guessing this is Ren's sister. Half decent actress. Only ass she kicks early on is - Black stormtrooper, so no over-the-top Black Widow antics. Gets lucky a couple times through natural connection to the Force. Overpowers bad guy after he'd been repeatedly wounded.

Who did my daughter like? BB-8, Han, Chewie and Poe, the white ultra-pilot.

The new Death Star - at least this time it took out several of the major Republic planets, including the new Senate, and the entire republic fleet. Losing it at the end was more of a tie anyway.

The bad - Han is dead. That sucks.

Blogger luagha December 23, 2015 8:07 PM  

If they build three Death Stars orbiting one another, they could cross over with The Three Body Problem.

Blogger Harry Spitz December 23, 2015 8:09 PM  

Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?
And why don't rebels either steal one or build a stripped-down model and turn the Imperial Capital into hot radioactive gas and get this over with?

Blogger Harry Spitz December 23, 2015 8:10 PM  

Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?
And why don't rebels either steal one or build a stripped-down model and turn the Imperial Capital into hot radioactive gas and get this over with?

Blogger dc.sunsets December 23, 2015 8:11 PM  

insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results

Yes, and wash-rinse-repeat will rule like the One Ring if it's a proven profit generator even if it's ugly as sin.

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 8:11 PM  

Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?

Don't you mean:

Where the (((heck))) does the Empire get the budget for these things?

Blogger Chris Nelson December 23, 2015 8:17 PM  

"Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?"

Quantitative easing or the derivatives market. Maybe they seized the trust funds of the Galactic Ivy League universities.

Anonymous Alice De Goon December 23, 2015 8:21 PM  

You know what would have WORKED? The rebels going to blow up the Death Star, being all blase about it, and then finding out that the surface of the planet is covered with dormitories filled with women and children from the rebel's home planets. A veritable Planet of Human Shields.

Also a big sign saying "Try it NOW, Motherf**ckers!"

Anonymous Geretrudis December 23, 2015 8:39 PM  

Did anyone post the Stefan Molyneux commentary about it? I tried doing a bit of searching but did not find it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwThhlhBZqk

Blogger praetorian December 23, 2015 8:45 PM  

Vatican confirms: new Star Wars is NOT canon.

Heretics on suicide watch.

Anonymous The OASF December 23, 2015 8:50 PM  

Ok, I find it hard to believe that a Hugo nominated sci-fi author can't figure out that the Death Star is just a plot MacGuffin, so who really cares if it emerges as a giant block of Swiss cheese in the next movie. Now I could not really care less about the farce awakening, because I'm not a Star Wars Homer... but hell even I figured that out.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 8:58 PM  

"Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?"

The issue fiat currency through a central bank that props up a fictional reserve banking system, and the Empire collects a portion of the profits. Thus they have created a system of de facto feudalism, yet few Imperial citizens are aware of this fact.

Blogger Harry Spitz December 23, 2015 9:10 PM  

If'n I were the Evil Empire, err, "New Order" I'd build more star destroyers and skip the super weapons.
With that sort of budget we, I mean, they COULD be strong everywhere at once on defense and strike multiple targets with overwhelming force on offense. And they wouldn't be blowing up potential revenue generating planets.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 23, 2015 9:13 PM  

So did Amidala and her double Sabé make a Force Baby?

Is that Rey's origin story?

Because she looks for all the world like a cross between Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley.

Her age is slightly problematic but not insurmountably so for a Science Fantasy movie.

Anonymous YIH December 23, 2015 9:17 PM  

OK, Markuu, so what is 'reindeer' meat like?
I've had venison (NA deer) meat, it's more flavorful than beef, but a bit tougher.

Blogger Cataline Sergius December 23, 2015 9:18 PM  

Where the heck does the Empire get the budget for these things?

...So come on down to Magrathea friends. Where smilin Slartibarfast sez ya buyz here! Ya payz here!

Lets face it their contractors don't do good work and it shows.

Anonymous Ain December 23, 2015 9:25 PM  

You gotta admire their stick-to-it-ness. Like Edison and the light bulb, they will need to build thousands of Death Stars before they find the one that *works*. The only way they fail is if they quit trying.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 9:25 PM  

"Lets face it their contractors don't do good work and it shows."

It's like the situation with software developers today. There's too much money in it not to leave a backdoor hidden somewhere.

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 9:26 PM  

I've had venison (NA deer) meat, it's more flavorful than beef, but a bit tougher.

Well, I've never tasted deer, only reindeer. So, I can't compare. But it's the mildest game meat I know. That is, the taste is the least gamey, and most resembling beef.

Blogger Elocutioner December 23, 2015 9:26 PM  

@103 Markku
Episode VII - A New Death Star
Episode VIII - Empire Strikes Back With Double Death Star
Episode IX - Return of the Gatling Death Star


How about:
Episode VII - A ReNewed Hope for Profits
Episode VIII - The Disney Empire Strikes A Mint
Episode VIX - Return of the Cash Cow Franchise

Blogger Elocutioner December 23, 2015 9:28 PM  

If this is actually just a rehash of New Hope then call it ReNewed Hope.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 9:29 PM  

I've never had reindeer but I always figured it would be like caribou, which is pretty gamey but still a fav.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 9:31 PM  

It's obvious. The Empire's centralized economy is broken. To hide this fact, they need a war. So they fund a suitably ridiculous ragtag opposition. This absorbs malcontents and the unemployed, who can be harmlessly slaughtered by a surfeit of otherwise unemployable clone soldiers.

At the same time, the Empire focuses on building a Death Star. This intense industrial effort stimulates the entire galactic economy.

However, the Empire cannot actually USE a Death Star very much - not without wiping out its tax base. Sure, a few noisy nuisances and hippy preserves can be pruned, but no blowing up serious industrial planets. Also, once a Death Star is built, all that naval construction infrastructure becomes worthless, and the entire associated labor force is out of work. Whole economic sectors collapse.

The solution, of course, is to build another one. Which is why every Death Star comes with a fatal design flaw, which is transmitted to the Rebel Alliance via whatever Rebel agent is currently "infiltrating". These idealistic yet morally flexible individuals are generally selected by Imperial officers for their hotness and boudoir enthusiasm. (Which goes a long way towards explaining Princess Leia's multiple "captures" and "escapes".)

Blogger Markku December 23, 2015 9:32 PM  

There is extremely little genetic difference between caribou and reindeer. I would be surprised if a difference in taste could be detected.

OpenID joeholocaust December 23, 2015 9:40 PM  

I always backed the Empire. If the Empire was really evil their Deathstar(s) wouldn't destroy planets with a huge beam weapon but instead drop subhumans by the millions onto them. The pestilence would exponentially increase once it landed until the entire planet became a shit-encrusted globe - a far worse fate than instantaneous oblivion just as a bullet to the head is preferable to being devoured alive by zombie hordes. I'll buy a ticket to that version and sincerely cheer when the 'DiversityStar' is destroyed.

OpenID joeholocaust December 23, 2015 9:47 PM  

@140 It's all the military-industrial complex writ large. Art imitating life.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 10:03 PM  

Alderaan was full of spineless cowards who refused to defend themselves. They had probably tried to enforce galaxy-wide disarmament and finally got what was coming to them.

Blogger bob k. mando December 23, 2015 10:12 PM  

20. Sean December 23, 2015 3:01 PM
The whole thing just felt lazy, which is amazing considering the staggering amounts of money that is involved.



did you not notice that Star Trek: Into Darkness was just Wrath of Khan with a white Khan and Kirk dying instead of Spock.

oh, and lots of money spent on lense flares, mustn't forget those.

'Lost' was just 'An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge' for an entire jetliner.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Occurrence_at_Owl_Creek_Bridge

'Cloverfield' was Godzilla without paying royalties to Toho.

'Armageddon' was a ripoff of 'Deep Impact' ... which was only released 2 months before Armageddon debuted.

'Fringe' looks like ( i never saw it ) an X-files knockoff with some of Warren Ellis' 'Planetary' salted in.

JJ Abrams has made an entire career out of rehashing or pastiching other work, and slapping lots of lense flares and CGI on it.

it's nice to be Jewish.


one thing EVERYBODY ought to know by now, you don't go to a JJ Abrams extravaganza for the novelty factor.



23. Robert Elfers December 23, 2015 3:04 PM
Still waiting for the Dune reboot.



you're a bit slow on the uptake, aintcha boy?

that happened 15 years ago.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Herbert%27s_Dune



25. Roundtine December 23, 2015 3:06 PM
In terms of energy expended, at what point would it be cheaper for the Empire to fling moons and asteroids around?



they're already well past it.

they've got superluminal flight on piles of junk like the Millenial Falcon, any half assed application of the tech could net you a delta V with a high c%.

consider the implications of a .9c baseball ... beyond the obvious of the batter advancing to first base.

http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/

now imagine what a couple of ton object at +.5c would do.


Rods from God at relativistic speeds would do effectively everything that any of the Death Stars do ( apart from star killing, maybe even that ) ... and that's just a kinetic impact.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinetic_bombardment


42. Cataline Sergius December 23, 2015 3:54 PM
The Marine Corps never prepared Adam Driver for such a life of horror. How could it?



damn, that dog looks traumatized.

you think Lena Dunham has been shoving pepples into it's vagina?

Anonymous LurkingPuppy December 23, 2015 10:12 PM  

@129: The issue fiat currency through a central bank that props up a fictional reserve banking system,

The finance industry would prefer that you use the term “fractional-reserve banking system”.

Anonymous ivvenalis December 23, 2015 10:21 PM  

Rehashing ANH was lazy but understandable. The Resistance/First Order/New Republic didn't make any sense but will presumably be explained more later.

On the other hand Rey's character was obnoxious. She's been scrounging junk in the desert her entire life, and now she's a well-washed ninja with a posh accent who's an ace pilot and a dead aim and speaks all the languages and the best mechanic and the best Force user and she beats the bad guy in a lightsaber fight and would never sell a loveable droid (Droid Equality Now!) just because she's starving and also everyone loves her. But she has a flaw: she cares too much about her family!

She could have been good at one thing and generally competent. Luke was a good pilot, Rey's stick fighting and climbing skills would be completely believable. Being able to mind control someone the same day you found out the Force existed or flawlessly execute high-g maneuvers your first time behind a ship's controls not so much.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 10:23 PM  

One can obtain an effect similar to the money multiplier by unspooling a banker's intestines.

Anonymous Dr. J December 23, 2015 10:26 PM  

Another SJW self-implosion:

The massive military investment in the "Starkiller" also happened to be solar-powered, and was manned by a diversity laden staff, including the most incompetent female captain of all time. The First Order really does represent US.gov.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:31 PM  

@67 Stg58/Animal Mother
Y'all are a bunch of sour, weeping vaginas.
---

*looks around*
Did you see Shrillary or something?

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 10:34 PM  

"the "Starkiller" also happened to be solar-powered"

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:41 PM  

@78 Takin' a Look

Behold....Disney Pricess Bun-Bun
---

I still think, without any proof whatsoever, that this inspired the Cinnabon company

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:44 PM  

@86 Quadko

Star Wars VII: The Millennial Generation
--
Or it could have been
Star Wars VII: The Same, Yet Different

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:48 PM  

@94 Markku

Maybe they'll get original and build two Death Stars orbiting each other. Surely that must work.
---

Binary Death Stars! But why stop at 2?

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:50 PM  

@99 Noah B #120

Episode IX - OMG It's Another Death Star I Can't Even
---

This is the episode where special fish dudes in gigantic capital ships get together and decide that the Death Star isn't big enough to be called a Star. So they demote it to Death Moon.

Blogger OneWingedShark December 23, 2015 10:53 PM  

@48 "People could stay home. Since when is popular entertainment compulsory?"

There's a strain of thought that "not even showing up to fight" is why the culture-war is being lost; Ben Shapiro actually made this point rather well [IMO].

@47 "There is nothing more serious than cultural subversion by popular entertainment. Nothing. That's THE main reason why we're in the sorry state of the present day. And it is the failure of cucks to recognize this, and the slyness of pop-entertainment's creators to thus hide their propaganda (like putting poison in a sugar pill), that makes it so destructive."

CS Lewis explicitly called his sci-fi trilogy 'smuggling' theology to people's minds. (Link)

@93 "However, I assume the Battle of Hoth will begin the next movie."

I agree -- JJ Abrams did this in the ST reboot, and doubled down on Into Darkness... it makes you wonder how he'll Project in ST: Whale Movie (considering that there'll be no Search for Kirk).

Blogger Were-Puppy December 23, 2015 10:54 PM  

@103 Markku

Episode VIII - Empire Strikes Back With Double Death Star
---

This will be so emotional for some fans they will rival this guy in their inability to process the awesomeness of it all.

just replace the word Rainbow with Death Star and you'll see

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 10:57 PM  

"did you not notice that Star Trek: Into Darkness was just Wrath of Khan with a white Khan and Kirk dying instead of Spock."

Careful, that description makes Into Darkness sound much better than it really was, and The Wrath of Khan remains the only decent Star Trek movie that has ever been made.

Blogger John Wright December 23, 2015 11:08 PM  

@100
"I dunno Karsten, I kind of thought the Muzzie migrant invasion in Europe was a big deal."

Politics is downstream of culture. Odd as this sounds, but if we had been free of the pernicious influence in our popular entertainment, academia, and courts of law of political correctness since the end of the Hitlerian War, then the Muslims would not be a threat. The West would not have recklessly decolonialized them, and would not have paid, pandered, apologized, funded and flattered our weak and disorganized enemies for decade after decade.

Yes, dumb as this sounds, I am completely serious. Control of comic book movies is what maintains or destroys the morale of civilization.

Myths move hearts and facts don't.

The myth the West now accepts instead of Christianity is the filth of self destructive nonsense, jabberwocky, and self-loathing known as political correctness: a wounded ruminant lowing for the wolves to come eat him.

Blogger praetorian December 23, 2015 11:12 PM  

I am watching episode 2 right now with my boys and we are literally rooting for the separatists. My oldest is complaining how much talking there is in this movie.

Thank you, God.

Blogger Neanderserk December 23, 2015 11:13 PM  

Culture is downstream of philosophy. Ever since Kant flattened all the theistic proofs, Christendom has been on the ropes. This, over and above the usual cycle of prosperity->decadence->decline.

Prancing faeries like Russell Brand can pass themselves as profound because we've lost our air cover.

Win the air superiority battle, and the A-10ss will brrrrrraaap Brand.

Blogger Jack Aubrey December 23, 2015 11:35 PM  

@144 Noah B Alderaan was also a Deathstar-free zone and look where that got them.

Blogger Cogitans Iuvenis December 23, 2015 11:47 PM  

The second death star could be forgiven because it's plausible that the death star had started the construction of the second sometime before the events of a New Hope. Also the empire at least displayed some cunning by leaking out false information to lure the rebels into a TRAP!

The third time...shakes head.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 23, 2015 11:48 PM  

Even worse, the rebels have been using Imperial welfare cash to attack the very people who are supporting them.

Blogger praetorian December 24, 2015 12:09 AM  

Read this and tell me the fucking Republic yanks didn't have it coming to them.

Waaaaaaait a minute, what if in WW2...

[muffled rap music playing in the distance]

Blogger praetorian December 24, 2015 12:11 AM  

Dammit, wrong link

Blogger So Meh December 24, 2015 12:18 AM  

I liked the movie. 3rd best in the series. Still magic when the music starts and the words start scrolling. I paid $9 for a non-3D ticket. I think my Dad paid $1.50 for my ticket back in 1977...a $1.50 well spent. undecided if i buy the DVD for this one. in the some of the scenes, the camera and film lighting just loves the actress who plays the title character. When thinking of the Star Wars Galaxy I think of Clarke's Third Laws: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Rey is Luke's clone (not his daughter) and as in "Dune" (which Star Wars broadly cribs from)...her cells (Midi-chlorian) have Luke's (Force) DNA life experience memories. its not Girl-Power. It's Clone (advanced technology) magic. go embrace your Christmas past 8 year-old for 2 hours and enjoy the movie and Merry Christmas & Joyful New Year.

Anonymous Frank Luke December 24, 2015 12:26 AM  

@155

>This is the episode where special fish dudes in gigantic capital ships get together and decide that the Death Star isn't big enough to be called a Star. So they demote it to Death Moon.

Maybe they could even be creative and call it a Peace Moon.

Now Darths and Droids is a good, fun Star Wars parody. In that universe, the movies were never made, and a group of friends are playing a SciFi RPG that started the same way as Ep 1, but the players took it off the rails (the first adventure was supposed to all take place on the Trade Federation ship). All the scenes are there (it's a screen-capture comic), but the plot has morphed. They're in Jedi now, and Luke is afraid of his laser sword. "Last time I picked up one of those, Vader cut my hand off!"

To the GM: "Are we supposed to determine how evil an NPC is by the outrageousness of your accent?"

Anonymous VFM #0189 December 24, 2015 12:26 AM  

The death star as galactic Jenga tower.

Blogger Noah B #120 December 24, 2015 12:29 AM  

I have a great movie idea. It will be almost exactly like Jaws, only instead of a shark it will be a killer whale or maybe a sperm whale.

Anonymous VFM #0410 December 24, 2015 12:32 AM  

@159: The myth the West now accepts instead of Christianity is the filth of self destructive nonsense, jabberwocky, and self-loathing known as political correctness: a wounded ruminant lowing for the wolves to come eat him.

I had a long-winded reply brewing in my head. But truly, it doesn't do your post justice. Long story short, I agree with you. And you know, it makes it hard to enjoy a "junk food" film, these days. You see the destructive influence -- sometimes it's just little things, really -- and there it goes. Pop culture has no soul in it, and maybe that's because it has deliberately distanced itself from Christianity and its Western roots. It's farcical, sometimes, like with pop music. But cinema has not fared all that much better.

Such amazing production values in everything these days. So little meat at the center of it all.

Anonymous jOHN MOSBY December 24, 2015 2:01 AM  

"Yes, dumb as this sounds, I am completely serious. Control of comic book movies is what maintains or destroys the morale of civilization." Yes are, Mr. Wright. Athough the comix movies will never match Kirby and Lee, IMHO. Why no New Gods franchise ? I think it would be great, but that's just me .

Anonymous SevenCrimes December 24, 2015 2:11 AM  

Myths move hearts and facts don't.

They're rhetoric writ large, and Hollywood has brought Western Civilization to the verge of annihilation by taking control of and weaponizing our myths.

Blogger Markku December 24, 2015 2:22 AM  

Binary Death Stars! But why stop at 2?

They won't. That's the Gatling Deathstar from episode IX. I'm envisioning nine Death Stars in a ring. One shoots at any given time, the rest reload, and the ring rotates.

Blogger Geir Balderson December 24, 2015 2:22 AM  

We need to send some old Star Trek plots to Disney. At least they had some variety.

Anonymous TAS December 24, 2015 2:49 AM  

My favorite part was when twelve X-wings destroyed a planet-sized superweapon. You'd think that the "First Order" (which is really the "Second Order") would be able to defend against a squadron of fighters, when three squadrons managed to destroy the first Death Star.

Blogger 1337kestrel December 24, 2015 2:51 AM  

I can't wait until the New Republic builds some kind of giant counter-death-star the size of a natural satellite. Star Wars Episode XI: Rebel Moon.

Blogger Drew December 24, 2015 3:33 AM  

I think there could be a logical explanation for why the empire would create a new superweapon, and how it could fund it. And I think the Star Wars universe has conclusively established that big weapons tend to fall hard. Hence, I wouldn't call these things plot holes. But I wholeheartedly agree that as a movie idea it was terribly uncreative.

I thought the movie was pretty good, but I was unimpressed with the lack of creativity.

On the other hand, I do fell like the Expanded Universe stuff is kind of inapplicable now, because they waited too long and let the original actors get too old.

Blogger Markku December 24, 2015 3:55 AM  

I think there could be a logical explanation for why the empire would create a new superweapon

Well, that much is obvious. It was built into a planet on the same star system where the Rebels were headquartered. So, it was meant to destroy their headquarters. This was not a mobile Death Star, but rather they'd pick a planet on any system that they wanted to eliminate, and start building the same machinery to it.

and how it could fund it.

Yeah, that is considerably harder to explain. When loaded, it would contain the entire energy of the system's sun. That would have been such a huge project to pull off that to do it in the same system as the friggin' Rebel SENATE... No, someone would have figured the plan about about 1% in.

Blogger Markku December 24, 2015 3:59 AM  

That's roughly as credible as ISIS having built a fifteen story high Tesla cannon next to the White House, and nobody noticing. Then they just pull down the curtains from around it, and THAT'S when the NSA wakes up.

Blogger Drew December 24, 2015 4:01 AM  

My understanding was that it was located many lightyears away from the planets it destroyed. I think they specifically made a comment that the weapon fired through hyperspace, or something to that effect. Basically, it was supposed to be like an ICBM.

Blogger Markku December 24, 2015 4:05 AM  

Ah, that would make sense for the not noticing part. Though it makes the project even more complicated.

Blogger RHJunior December 24, 2015 5:28 AM  

Well, to be fair, the last time they tried to write a Star Wars movie that didn't feature something huge getting blowed up, we got the prequels....

Anonymous Shut up rabbit December 24, 2015 5:42 AM  

what about a "Ring Death Star" orbiting an artificial sun?

Blogger Stilicho #0066 December 24, 2015 6:33 AM  

The Empire needs to learn to fail faster...

Blogger JDC December 24, 2015 7:00 AM  

Or a narwahl?

Blogger JaimeInTexas December 24, 2015 8:13 AM  

@173
This scene ruined Second Hand Liions for me.

"Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in "

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJemDZcgIZE

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau December 24, 2015 8:34 AM  

Episode IX. Tired of having their Deathstars blown up the Dark Side Builds a Death Solar System.

Blogger Harry Spitz December 24, 2015 8:52 AM  

@170. Noah B #120
Got a better one. Fishermen and ecotourits in the Mississippi delta start going missing and the monster is a giant alligator snapping turtle.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau December 24, 2015 8:58 AM  

@172 Star Wars is kinda a rip off of Kirby's Fourth World at DC in 1972. I was suprised at the big reveal that Darkseid was Orion's father and only the motherbox gave him the fair features of New Genesis. His Apokolips genetics gave him the Rage necessary to be the Ultimate Warrior for the passive followers of Highfather though the anger(the dark side) erased his fair New Genesis features. His Destiny to face his father in a final battle is also similar to the original Star Wars.

All this was 5 years before Star Wars was released.

There is also season 2 of Spacecuiser Yamato/Star Blazers 5 years before Star Wars where the giant space station of the Comet Empire is destroyed by snub fighters from the Yamato/Argo finding a weak point flying into the massive space station and setting a bomb on the main reactor.

Maybe a corollary to the rules: SJW's always Steal.

Blogger Student in Blue December 24, 2015 9:15 AM  

Maybe a corollary to the rules: SJW's always Steal.

There is nothing new under the sun, Skylark.

Blogger RobertDWood December 24, 2015 9:36 AM  

Zonoma Sekot?

Blogger Werekoala December 24, 2015 9:54 AM  

Yeah - after the first Death Star, what say you just build a few hundred more Star Destroyers instead. I know, "terror weapon" and all that, but you don't think a rebellious planet would be terrified to have their sun blotted out by 500 destroyers entering orbit? Just sayin'.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 24, 2015 10:44 AM  

@170 Noah B #120

I have a great movie idea. It will be almost exactly like Jaws, only instead of a shark it will be a killer whale or maybe a sperm whale.
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It will have to be a really good idea to compete with the majesty of Sharktopus.

Blogger Cogitans Iuvenis December 24, 2015 10:48 AM  

@179 The whole star killer super weapon was terrible...just terrible. A weapon that is capable of firing across the vast reaches of space? That was the exact moment when I went from really digging the movie to being disappointed. Yeah the pacing was better, it felt more like star wars, the acting was decent but they basically pulled a Star Trek recon but without the alternative universe bullshit. Instead of the Empire and the Rebellion we now have the First Order and the Resistance. Good Lord, the only thing that keeps me hopeful is that according to the outside movie lore coming up it looks like the republic may not dead, apparently only one republic fleet was in Hosnian Prime as well as the senate which leaves the possibility that an emergency republic government is formed.

@193

Agreed, and in the EU it was established that a single Imperial Class star destroyer had the capability of turning a planets surface to ash.

Blogger Quadko December 24, 2015 10:49 AM  

Episode IX. Tired of having their Deathstars blown up the Dark Side Builds a Death Solar System.
Ha! But with an exhaust port the size of a planet, the Rebellion had no problem flying a Star Destroyer down the 1 AU channel and launching a barrage of nova bombs down the straight shaft to the solar engine that powers the thing.

Blogger Cogitans Iuvenis December 24, 2015 10:49 AM  

@179 The whole star killer super weapon was terrible...just terrible. A weapon that is capable of firing across the vast reaches of space? That was the exact moment when I went from really digging the movie to being disappointed. Yeah the pacing was better, it felt more like star wars, the acting was decent but they basically pulled a Star Trek recon but without the alternative universe bullshit. Instead of the Empire and the Rebellion we now have the First Order and the Resistance. Good Lord, the only thing that keeps me hopeful is that according to the outside movie lore coming up it looks like the republic may not dead, apparently only one republic fleet was in Hosnian Prime as well as the senate which leaves the possibility that an emergency republic government is formed.

@193

Agreed, and in the EU it was established that a single Imperial Class star destroyer had the capability of turning a planets surface to ash.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 24, 2015 10:52 AM  

@172 jOHN MOSBY
Why no New Gods franchise ? I think it would be great, but that's just me .
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DC seems to be more into making TV shows. From what I heard, there is now a same sex marriage gay black guy who is Felicity's assistant in Arrow that was suppose to be Mr. Terrific.

Fantastic Four now they want to reboot what was ok and wreck the torch making him a black kid. I can't even bother.

I've been playing this game Marvel Puzzle Quest, and these are the SJWed characters:

- a female Wolverine
- A female Thor
- A black Capt. America
- A black Spider Man
- A muslim Ms. Marvel
- A gay(?) oriental Hulk
- A black Nick Fury

In all the cases but Fury, there are the regular counterparts available as well.
And I avoid all these dumb SJW pallet swap characters like the plague.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 24, 2015 10:54 AM  

@174 Markku
Binary Death Stars! But why stop at 2?

They won't. That's the Gatling Deathstar from episode IX. I'm envisioning nine Death Stars in a ring. One shoots at any given time, the rest reload, and the ring rotates.
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That's actually a basass idea!

Blogger Were-Puppy December 24, 2015 10:56 AM  

@175 Geir Balderson

We need to send some old Star Trek plots to Disney. At least they had some variety.
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Star Trek doesn't have enough action for SW. I mean the Gorn would have been a 1 minute segment of an entire movie. Wookies would probably buy 100 lb bags of tribbles for snacks while fixing navigation systems.

Star Wars XX: E. Plebnista

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