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Monday, January 11, 2016

Mailvox: cold consolation

This one is for all the Minnesotans:

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them “Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?

Ole replies, “Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesnoowta, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance at varm up a little bit, ya know.”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota , the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished and exclaims, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?”

Sven replies, “Vell, ya know, ve don’t git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve’ve yust got at haff a fish fry vhen da veather’s dis nice.”

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand; when I turn up the heat, you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two?”

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, “Vell, don’t ya know, If hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl.”

It occurs to me that one of the many casualties of the cultural rape of the West is Sven and Ole jokes. Sans a familiarity with Christian culture, there is no joke there.

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76 Comments:

Blogger Shimshon January 11, 2016 12:05 PM  

Never heard it before. Very funny.

Blogger Jourdan January 11, 2016 12:14 PM  

Excellent, I'm telling this to my Minnesotan office mate right now and he's correcting my accent. Wonderful.

Anonymous Takin' a Look January 11, 2016 12:16 PM  

I've heard the michigan version.

Blogger VFM107 January 11, 2016 12:19 PM  

Funny and accurate. This Minnesotan likes it.

Anonymous LLC January 11, 2016 12:30 PM  

Alas, as my wife the English teacher and I have discussed on multiple occasions, without an understanding of Christianity huge swathes of great literature are utterly incomprehensible.

Blogger JDC January 11, 2016 12:34 PM  

As I attended Seminary in St. Paul, and attended many Lutheran churches in the area during my tenure there, I realized one thing linked them all - not theology, not homosexual politics, not worship style, not potluck celebrations, not lutefisk / lefse dinners or sacramental beliefs but Sven and Ole jokes.

Blogger Hylean January 11, 2016 12:36 PM  

Missourians have a similar joke. A Missouri farmers dies and goes to hell. The devil finds him relaxing and asks him how he could be so comfortable. "weell now... This is nothing like a Missouri Summer." So the devil cranks the heat up and up and the farmer doesn't get any less comfortable. So the devil cries "well if you don't mind the heat, I'll freeze hell over!" The farmers eyes light up and he hollers. " That means the Blues win the Stanley cup!"

Blogger JDC January 11, 2016 12:41 PM  

I've heard the michigan version.

I imagine it contains two Michiganders who remain impassive after hell freezes over, knowing that would have no bearing on the Lions winning anything.

Blogger Sheila4g January 11, 2016 12:53 PM  

Made me smile. I still remember a professor my freshman year asking (in a seminar of about 10?) who knew what a particular line was in reference to. After a few minutes of silence and baffled looks, she was astonished and asked "Doesn't anyone read the Bible anymore?"

Off topic a bit: Vox has talked quite a bit about either reforming institutions infested by SJWs or building alternatives. There's an interesting post about the benefits and limitations of Christian culture (movies, books, music, etc.) versus the secular over at Free Northerner.

Blogger Daniel January 11, 2016 12:55 PM  

Oh, I thought the Michigan version was Hell freezing over and the Lions winning the #1 draft pick for only the 3rd time in their atrocious history.

Anonymous Takin' a Look January 11, 2016 12:55 PM  

@8

Ooooooh, that's cold....

Didn't the Lions have a perfect season a couple years back? (((((Hehe))))

You probably can't even get the Michiganders on here riled up. They'll flat-out say the Lions need to be taken behind the barn and put out of their misery.

Blogger JaimeInTexas January 11, 2016 1:03 PM  

Bwahahahahahaha.
Are you sure you are talking about Texans fans?

Anonymous Mr. Rational January 11, 2016 1:05 PM  

Riled?  Puh-leese.  Anyone who gives a damn about anything done in or by the Negro Felon League* simply isn't worth talking to.

This goes double for Negroes Bouncing Around.

* Except when they're doing felonies off the field.  One cheers when they get convicted.

Anonymous Mavwreck January 11, 2016 1:14 PM  

Stupid question, but why do Sven and Ole jokes depend on Christian culture? Or does that just apply to this joke due to its setting in Hell?

OpenID sigbouncer January 11, 2016 1:17 PM  

Hahaha, very nice. Excellent reference to walleye on the grill. A lot of the country will miss that one. Pike aren't everywhere ya know.

Blogger Krul January 11, 2016 1:21 PM  

Not bad.

I prefer something more...

Anonymous Matt January 11, 2016 1:23 PM  

"Doesn't anyone read the Bible anymore?"
A recent contestant on Jeopardy could not complete the following quote from the KJB:
"Thou shalt not bear false witness against..."

Anonymous Cult of Reason January 11, 2016 1:24 PM  

This is so inaccurate. Your sky daddy does not have a nemesis and science says there is no lake of fire in the Earth. No uh wait, there is a lake of fire in the Earth. But it's just MAGMA. And there's no talking snakes. Just talking monkeys, birds, and dogs that bark I ROV RUU and it sounds like I LOVE YOU.

ONLY THOSE ANIMALS ARE ALLOWED TO TALK IN SCIENCE.

Science says there is only this life and that's it.

Blogger Azimus January 11, 2016 1:25 PM  

Vox - OT- will we see a 2015 Reading List Review this year?

Anonymous Ragnar Redbeard January 11, 2016 1:30 PM  

This is a true story, it happened in Grand Marais.

Vox, if you were still in MN I'd tell you to take a drive through Lindstrom and take a look at the barnquilts that have cropped up there all of a sudden. They're very colorful and pretty but a lot of them look kind of familiar. Kind of like this certain symbol I've seen somewhere, can't quite place it.

Blogger Matamoros January 11, 2016 1:40 PM  

Help reverse PC, tell ethnic jokes.

Why is Santa white, because if he were black he'd steal everything.

What is a Polish 7 course dinner? A ring of bologna and a six-pack.

And don't forget the Silly Sally and Little Johnny jokes while you are at it.

Anonymous A.B. Prosper January 11, 2016 1:43 PM  

Its not exactly common culture.

The Hell references should be universal but a lot of perfectly White, been here a long time Americans play zip attention to pro-sports and only have a vague idea just what the weather is like elsewhere or about Sven and Ole jokes. Its probably a class barrier as much anything

That said I got it even though I've never watched more than a few minutes a football game (either kind) or been the Great Lakes.



Anonymous Takin' a Look January 11, 2016 1:45 PM  

@ 13 Mr. Rational

I'm not crazy about feetsball and african tree hockey myself. Not interested and don't get the fuss....

That said....your attitude basically dismisses a very large chunk of the commentors here.

Let them have their bread and circuses for now. Stop being that "Shit my Father says" scold.

Blogger Ian Miguel Martin January 11, 2016 1:50 PM  

I was raised on Buckeye football, and although my interest in the sport has waned I still think a Vikings-Bills Superbowl might be worth a few hours in front of a tv screen.

Blogger James Dixon January 11, 2016 1:52 PM  

I first heard this joke as being an old moonshiner and the WVU Mountaineers. It works just as well. I'm sure Bills fans could come up with a similar one.

Blogger JDC January 11, 2016 1:55 PM  

German Lutherans have their own version, the antagonists are Hans and Fritz.

Blogger Technomad January 11, 2016 1:57 PM  

This Iowan (with deep Minnesota ties, including graduating St. Olaf College) loved the joke.

Blogger JDC January 11, 2016 1:59 PM  

Hahaha, very nice. Excellent reference to walleye on the grill. A lot of the country will miss that one. Pike aren't everywhere ya know.

Did you just liken walleye to pike? Blasphemy. Both are good eating, but walleye are the gold standard in the north. In the south it's catfish, carp and suckers. Bottom feeders them.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau January 11, 2016 2:09 PM  

I've heard the same thing with two rednecks and Ole Miss getting into the Sugar Bowl. They actually got in the Sugar Bowl this year but I don't think it counts since they finished third in the SEC and didn't even go to the Championship game.

Blogger James Dixon January 11, 2016 2:10 PM  

> In the south it's catfish, carp and suckers.

Around here it tends to be rainbow trout and large mouth bass.

Anonymous Cadwallander J January 11, 2016 2:11 PM  

Man, the socially oblivious have come crawling out of the woodwork with these football posts:

"Dear Mr. Day. I understand you are a popular blogger who has become so by posting topics that interest you and your readers. I'm posting on this thread about a topic in which I have no interest in order to tell you to stop posting on professional sports. Sincerely Spergy McSpergerson."

Alternatively, maybe Vox just keeps doing his thing and you idiots stay out of NFL posts.

Blogger Feather Blade January 11, 2016 2:16 PM  

Ooh!

Does this mean I get to be the first aspie to complain that the lake of fire isn't synonymous with hell? And the lake of fire is where hell and the devil are thrown after the last judgement?

Huzzah!

Anonymous Athor Pel January 11, 2016 2:20 PM  

"9. Blogger Sheila4g January 11, 2016 12:53 PM
....
I still remember a professor my freshman year asking (in a seminar of about 10?) who knew what a particular line was in reference to. After a few minutes of silence and baffled looks, she was astonished and asked "Doesn't anyone read the Bible anymore?"
..."


In a college medieval history class I wrote a paper about the biblical references in Beowulf. Yes, there are biblical references in Beowulf.

My professor, PhD in medieval history, was pretty surprised at the connection to the Bible since she wasn't well read enough with it. the Bible, herself to have caught the connection previously. She was so enamored of the thought of using the Bible to examine medieval literature she brought it up at the next academic conference she attended, as something new. I shit you not.

This was in the early 90's. This was one of several events that cemented my low opinion of academia.

Anonymous Jeremiah January 11, 2016 2:20 PM  

Classic. Skoal from MN.

Blogger Aeoli Pera January 11, 2016 2:30 PM  

@33 Athor Pel,

This was in the early 90's. This was one of several events that cemented my low opinion of academia.

Lol, you think that's bad? It's been 25 years of festering sewage since then. The only reason anybody noticed is that the festering sewage started to get people fired for "social justice".

Blogger Aeoli Pera January 11, 2016 2:34 PM  

I finally went back and finished a degree in the fall, and saw the muzzies are actively proselytizing on campus. The number of white girls in headscarves wasn't large, but it was somewhat surprising.

Blogger Aeoli Pera January 11, 2016 2:35 PM  

I'd say "serves 'em right", but in this case I don't think they understand they've signed up for lifelong sex slavery as soon as their boyfriends/handlers can get them to a Muslim-dominant location.

Blogger Aeoli Pera January 11, 2016 2:37 PM  

There are probably hundreds of these retards chained up in basements in Dearborn.

Anonymous Mr. Rational January 11, 2016 2:58 PM  

@23 The panem et circenses crowd, consuming their daily brainwashing at the telescreen, ARE the problem.

OpenID sigbouncer January 11, 2016 2:59 PM  

@28 JDC

"Did you just liken walleye to pike? Blasphemy. Both are good eating, but walleye are the gold standard in the north. In the south it's catfish, carp and suckers. Bottom feeders them."

When I was younger and fished them they were called walleye pike. But yeah, definitely walleye >>> northern.

Go deeper south and you'll find the gar and gasper goo's. Up north they would probably call these sheepshead.

Anonymous Frank Brady January 11, 2016 3:03 PM  

Sven & Ole's make the best pizza in the world in Grand Marais, MN! You've gotta go there.

Anonymous Takin' a Look January 11, 2016 3:28 PM  

@ 39 Mr. Rational

Yes,yes, I know being enthralled to the Talmudvision and wearing the Jersey # of their favourite feetsball and african tree hockey dindu pisses you off.

There ain't a damn thing you or I can do about it. Just politely say "no thanks, I don't watch antique farm equipment ape-ing the White Man's Sports". It will become real all too soon it's not a healthy thing to cuck your time for "panem et circuses"

In the meantime, let sleeping dogs lie.

Blogger pyrrhus January 11, 2016 3:32 PM  

@41 I stop at Sven & Ole's every time I go canoeing up there--good place!

Anonymous #8601 Jean Valjean January 11, 2016 3:59 PM  

@42 wearing the Jersey # of their favourite feetsball and african tree hockey dindu pisses you off

Like this guy?

Blogger Horn of the Mark January 11, 2016 3:59 PM  

This would have been funnier a couple weeks ago when it was warmer.

It's up to 4 degrees here in Stillwater at this writing, and my shower drain is backed up due to the pipe freezing.

Blogger dc.sunsets January 11, 2016 4:14 PM  

I'm still enjoying the story about the guy who entered a bar and noticed Donald Trump & Bernie Sanders sitting together at the end of the bar.

He approached and asked them what brought them there, together. Trump answered, "We're planning World War III."

"World War III?!"

"Yep; we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one Blonde Swedish girl with big boobs."

"Why are you going to kill a Swedish girl with big boobs?"

Trump turned to Sanders and said, "See, I told you no one gives a shit about killing 140 million Muslims."

Blogger dc.sunsets January 11, 2016 4:16 PM  

Didn't I read that joke here??

Anonymous Mr. Rational January 11, 2016 4:42 PM  

@47 It's been posted at least a dozen times on Reddit in the last week.

Blogger YIH January 11, 2016 4:43 PM  

@24. Ian Miguel Martin:
I still think a Vikings-Bills Superbowl might be worth a few hours in front of a tv screen.
It might look something like this.

Blogger Neshobanakni January 11, 2016 4:54 PM  

(Ole) "Hey, Sven, I went and godda new snowmachine for da wife." "Ya, sounds like a good trade."

Blogger Tallawampus January 11, 2016 5:04 PM  

@20 Ragnar Redbeard

Ufdah!

I grew up in Lindstrom, MN and still have family there. I'll pay attention to barnquilts next time I'm in town.

Anonymous N5 January 11, 2016 5:33 PM  

No. I am from the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi rivers and few up on catfish caught on trot lines then we moved to Minnesota and fished walleye. Not even fucking close walleye wins.

Anonymous KoranBurningFaggot January 11, 2016 5:38 PM  

Help reverse PC, tell ethnic jokes.

Why did gays throw stools at BLM when niggers invaded their brunch? QUEENS TRUMP SPADES

Why do moslems stone gays to death(with stones) and mulitate little girls genitals? One day Moohammad's oldest wife hit puberty and he realized the gays where right about his Willy being smaller than what is now cut off little girls.

What is less likely to happen than meeting 7 dwarfs in real life? Meeting a black or moslem as smart as seen on TV.

Why did Bruce Jenner not found liable for the woman he killed in car accident? His car had a defective tranny in it.

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, “I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?” He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. And her father is a doctor. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, “What is this wonderful girl’s name?” He answers, “Monica Lewinsky.” There is a pause, then his mother asks, “What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?” -

Blogger IsMishe January 11, 2016 5:41 PM  

Packers win the Super Bowl!

Blogger Noah B January 11, 2016 5:56 PM  

Lack of familiarity with Western culture?

No problem - Mohammed and Aisha jokes to the rescue!

Anonymous Desiderius January 11, 2016 6:17 PM  

"In a college medieval history class I wrote a paper about the biblical references in Beowulf."

That scholar of Beowulf JRR Tolkien included several himself in the LotR.

Blogger Danby January 11, 2016 6:18 PM  

OT, remember when it was pure paranoia to think that the US State Dept used NGOs to foment protests to create political change in foreign countries? You know, it was crazy talk to say that we created the situation in, forex, Ukraine?
It's not so crazy now.

Blogger Gordon January 11, 2016 6:35 PM  

Huh. A surprising number of Meenasotahns here. If you know about Betty's pies...I once sent my wife a picture of fifteen electric roasters lined up on a countertop. "Where am I?" She immediately replied, "A Lutheran church basement."

"Catholic church basement" would have been accepted also.

Anonymous aeou January 11, 2016 6:38 PM  

This has shit do do with the topic but I always wanted more American opionions on this sketch. It's from a Swedish humor program a few years back. It was on the Swedish equivalent to BBC(SVT). It's got blackface and lots and lots of gibberish.

The trial part 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHknAtVsV88

The Trial part 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyU2p4l5iUA

Blogger Noah B January 11, 2016 6:43 PM  

@Danby

What's crazy is believing the official narrative about basically anything.

Blogger Gordon January 11, 2016 6:54 PM  

Huh. A surprising number of Meenasotahns here. If you know about Betty's pies...I once sent my wife a picture of fifteen electric roasters lined up on a countertop. "Where am I?" She immediately replied, "A Lutheran church basement."

"Catholic church basement" would have been accepted also.

Blogger Frank Brady January 11, 2016 6:56 PM  

Here in KC we would love to see a Super Bowl I rematch but with a different outcome, of course.

Blogger VD January 11, 2016 7:39 PM  


I grew up in Lindstrom, MN and still have family there.


Nothing better than a big bag of ginger snaps from the Lindstrom Bakery!

Blogger Trump/Automatthew 2016 January 11, 2016 8:30 PM  

Here's the one I like best so far:

Ole and Sven, the old retired Norwegian boys, lived at the Old Retired Norwegian Home.

One afternoon they were sitting on the front porch looking at the sunset and talking about this and that. Lena, who lived there too, was standing around the corner and heard the boys talking. Being a mischievous lady, Lena decided to play a trick on the boys.

Taking off all her clothes, she ran around the corner and raced past Ole and Sven as fast as she could run.

Ole and Sven watch in astonishment as Lena runs past. Finally, Ole asks, "Vasn't dat Lena?"

Sven replies, "Yah, ay... ay tank so..."

Ole says, "But, vat vas she vearing?"

Sven shakes his head and says, "Yah, ay don't know, but vatever it vas, it sure needed ironing!"

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau January 11, 2016 8:35 PM  

I would have loved to have seen a Cheifs/Redskins Super Bowl and a Braves/Indians World Series just to drive SJW'S nuts.

Blogger Tallawampus January 11, 2016 11:16 PM  

@63 Vox

Swedes can bake! They just can't cook. Imagine a Swedish restaurant, it'd have 23 types of whitefish with the same white sauce and the only sides would be rutabaga's and potatoes. And pickled herring as the only appetizer.

Blogger LP999 S.I.G. Burnin' Up January 12, 2016 12:17 AM  

Awesome Minn.'s always laughing, always happy!

I dislike it here overall, its the horrid troubles, setbacks, annoyances, etc., but its irrelevant.

Snow, ice, cold are as purifying as a dry sauna overwhelming the sense with (separately) hyssop, sage, tea tree or my fave cypress.

In snowy OH I would get uncomfy I wear shorts and a tshirt outside lay on the snow for a while make some angels, shovel walk way. Whatever was ailing me would subside in desolate cold air.

Extreme temps are enjoyable and adaptable.

Bummer, WV no snow all season.

Anonymous Rolf January 12, 2016 1:14 AM  

@55 For added humor, make it a graphic novel. :-) Preferably manga-style.

I remember a "Minnesota Lutheran Cookbook" from a while back. It had a recipe for potato salad with rather generous portions on the list of particulars. A footnote said "Serves 90. May be doubled for larger groups."

Blogger Stephen Ashby January 12, 2016 1:16 AM  

This one comes courtesy of my hispanic brother-in-law.

Q: What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV floating in midair?
A: "Drop it Nigger!"

Blogger Vincent Castrillo January 12, 2016 1:51 AM  

Ahh my analysis was on. Clemson came to play and might have actually been better talentwise. But Bama's experience and battle testedness versus the monsters in the SEC and Mile's craziness helped in spades. The D did not look like stopping Clemson consistently so he needed to be in the driver's seat. Hence he pulled a Les Miles/Sean Payton and it paid off in spades. What a game. JDC don't worry about shaving or anything silly. Just say I was correct publicly on this forum and send me that copy of your book. Maybe we can make a bet for next year as well....I'll post this elsewhere too since there was no Bama thread as of yet.

Anonymous Takin' a Look January 12, 2016 3:00 AM  

@ 44 Jean Valjean

In the words of Larry the Cable Guy:

"I don't care who you are, that's funny right there."

Anonymous rienzi January 12, 2016 6:27 AM  

When I die I want the Minnesota Vikings to be my pallbearers, so they can let me down for the last time.

Anonymous Frank B Luke January 12, 2016 12:40 PM  

In the south, I've heard Bubba and Earl jokes. This is one I can repeat.

Bubba walks into Earl's place and see a shiny new diploma hanging on the wall. He reads it, "University of Georgia? Earl, I know you didn't go there. They throw diplomas in your car if you just drive through Athens with the window rolled down. That's how you got this diploma, ain't it?"

Earl shakes his head. "That ain't true, Bubba. I had to stop."

Anonymous Mr. Rational January 12, 2016 7:27 PM  

In the UP of Michigan, they are Ole and Toivo jokes.

Anonymous Halifax Donair January 13, 2016 2:22 AM  

The version I heard growing up involved the Toronto Maple Leafs.

OpenID frannywentzel January 19, 2016 12:55 AM  

Funny how the Atheists sound more and more like those Westburo Baptist freaks with every comment...

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