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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Do you even game, bro?

I can't even what OH COME ON!
Polygon released a video last week of one of its reviewers playing the first 30 minutes of the new Doom. But it wasn’t the review that caused a storm. The reviewer’s playing was so bad that Polygon had to disable ratings and comments on the YouTube video to save themselves the wrath of online vitriol.

One fan even posted a video to YouTube highlighting the reviewer’s incompetence.

The reviewer picked to play the demo is someone who earns a living testing out video games, and yet he or she plays this shooter like a four-year-old. And it’s not the only time that reviewers from Polygon, which is part of Vox Media, have simply quit playing a game because it too hard.

All of this begs the question: Are the site’s reviewers skilled enough as gamers to be evaluating a wide swath of gaming titles?




This is horrifically embarrassing. I mean, I haven't been a professional game reviewer in over a decade and I am MORTIFIED for this person. About the only thing he didn't do was run into a wall and get stuck there with his nose pressed against it. Let's just say skills and standards have dropped considerably from the time TC and Scorpio and I were reviewing for CGW, and Paul the Pro Player was reviewing for Game Informer.

It's also conclusive evidence of pretty much everything #GamerGate ever said about game journos.

Labels: ,

139 Comments:

Anonymous Genericviews May 17, 2016 8:11 AM  

Guessing someone who was hired as a writer, because he had a degree in journalism and needed to pay his rent.

Blogger James Dixon May 17, 2016 8:15 AM  

Well, as demonstrated by my past performance in the first iteration of Doom, first person shooters simply aren't my genre and I'm in no position to throw stones. However, my limitations were vision and reaction time, not basic tactics or strategy. It sounds like this person can't even manage those.

It probably doesn't help any that by the time Doom came out I was already in my mid 30's and well past my peak reaction time.

Anonymous WinstonWebb May 17, 2016 8:16 AM  

Well, those Wii controllers just aren't the best for responsiveness.

Especially when you're playing on an Xbox.

Anonymous Steve May 17, 2016 8:18 AM  

They don't really like games, do they?

It's just another subculture that SJW hipsters glommed on for whatever reason.

Polygon and other sites are chock full of liberal arts grads trying to poz up gaming with excessive coverage of shitty socjus walking simulators such as GONE HOME (10/10! - Polygon) and EVERYBODY'S GONE TO THE RAPTURE.

DOOM, by the way, is a lot of fun and hilariously violent.

Blogger VD May 17, 2016 8:19 AM  

Well, as demonstrated by my past performance in the first iteration of Doom, first person shooters simply aren't my genre and I'm in no position to throw stones.

You're not being paid to review it. When I wrote the launch review for Heretic for CGW, I played straight through it, with no cheat codes.

Blogger Student in Blue May 17, 2016 8:23 AM  

It honestly looks like someone is trying to play the game... with a controller... and they've never played an FPS before, controller or keyboard+mouse.

Blogger Alexander Thompson May 17, 2016 8:23 AM  

In his or her defense, it looks like they are playing Doom to the controls of the original. Not using the y axis at all. Now maybe they got an old guy who hasn't played a game since Doom 2.

Still laughed. Always great to start the day with a good laugh.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 8:30 AM  

While the display from Polygon is utterly humiliating... the Doom game play does have a short learning curve if you're used to games like Battlefield, Modern Warfare, or even Destiny... because you cannot change the aim point on screen. Its like hip firing all the time. No for even a decent player that should have taken maybe 5 minutes to get used to. But this dude obviously never got used to it. It really did look like a complete noob trying to play an FPS for the first time.

But hey... these are the people who write articles about not knowing how to turn a PS4 on.

Blogger Conan the Cimmerian May 17, 2016 8:31 AM  

What kind of strategy is "run straight at them, through all incoming fire, head on"?

Blogger Conan the Cimmerian May 17, 2016 8:32 AM  

I am glad that, come the revolution, their tactics will be such fun to confront.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 8:40 AM  

"What kind of strategy is "run straight at them, through all incoming fire, head on"?"

I've been playing it all weekend.... and the worst thing is... based on the behavior of the demons and the number of the demons... he has it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

Anonymous Steve May 17, 2016 8:43 AM  

he has it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

Straight white male?

Blogger Cinco May 17, 2016 8:52 AM  

he has it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

Straight white male?


That would be highest difficulty. Lowest difficulty would be black female transgender lesbian jew veteran with a handicap.

Blogger Christopher Yost May 17, 2016 8:53 AM  

@VD -

You wrote the launch review for Heretic?!? You're, like, totes my childhood hero, yo!

(g'damn yer old)

I very likely read most of your reviews back in the day.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 8:54 AM  

"That would be highest difficulty. Lowest difficulty would be black female transgender lesbian jew veteran with a handicap."

Actually.. no

The easiest difficulty setting is super hot white girl.

Blogger Christopher Yost May 17, 2016 8:59 AM  

That "player" even looks to have it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

Blogger S1AL May 17, 2016 9:00 AM  

I'm a terrible fps player. Controller-based movement and reaction in 3D is just not something I can handle.

This guy... he makes me feel good about my abilities. That's truly impressive.

Blogger Sentient Spud May 17, 2016 9:00 AM  

I've been playing it all weekend.... and the worst thing is... based on the behavior of the demons and the number of the demons... he has it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

He was playing on Ultra Violence. No doubt about it.

(We are talking about the video comments, right?)

Anonymous Steve May 17, 2016 9:05 AM  

I'm so good at CoD multiplayer that French teenagers call me "Putin".

I assume because my ZFG playstyle reminds them of the Russian premier.

Blogger Ron May 17, 2016 9:09 AM  

@Conan the Cimmerian

What kind of strategy is "run straight at them, through all incoming fire, head on"?

r-strategist, optimized for high resource environment.

Ie, someone whos concept of strategy is limited to treachery and snark.

Blogger James Dixon May 17, 2016 9:11 AM  

> I very likely read most of your reviews back in the day.

Likewise. Though Scorpio was my favorite reviewer. CGW at that time was really good.

Anonymous Gecko May 17, 2016 9:14 AM  

I still remember the lightless hallways from Doom 1 and 2 with the Pinky Demon growling off in the distance. Doom 3 harnessed that suspense and went nuts with it.

Does this new one have that at all? The gameplay certainly looks like a lot of fun, but it also looks like it's gone in the opposite direction with its focus on constant combat.

Blogger Ron May 17, 2016 9:19 AM  

@Cinco
@Nate

"That would be highest difficulty. Lowest difficulty would be black female transgender lesbian jew veteran with a handicap."
Actually.. no
The easiest difficulty setting is super hot white girl.


Neither nor. Emasculated male feminist would be the lowest setting.

Butch lesbians would have some competency at this by necessity, and a super hot white female would also be good because they would have confidence to try things out.

(Beautiful people in general tend to be better at things for this exact reason)

Blogger Ron May 17, 2016 9:21 AM  

Emasculated male feminists are EMFs, precisely because its a strategy designed to supplant the necessity of being good at survival and fighting.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan May 17, 2016 9:21 AM  

Damn next thing you know people will actually openly questioning the legitimacy of the gamer media.

Blogger Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus May 17, 2016 9:33 AM  

Okay, so this game reviewer - who was she?

Blogger Krul May 17, 2016 9:34 AM  

Nate wrote:based on the behavior of the demons and the number of the demons... he has it set on the lowest difficulty setting.

I haven't even played this game and I could tell you that.

I swear the demon at 0:55 was saying "Come on, you can do it!"

Steve wrote:They don't really like games, do they?

It's just another subculture that SJW hipsters glommed on for whatever reason.



They are to video games what Ellsworth Toohey is to architecture.

Blogger Kryten 2X4B 523P May 17, 2016 9:34 AM  

I had a good laugh at that the other day. Being charitable though, it looked like they were playing a console version and couldnt get to grips with the controller - I'd probably be the same as every FPS Ive played has been K+M, Im utterly hopeless with a controller. That said, what Polygon put out was highly unprofessional for an organisation supposedly centred around video games, and just goes to show that they have their heads so far up their narrative that they couldnt find their backsides with a BFG-9K and a taclight. They would have done better to grab a random teen off the street and wrote the article based off how they played the game.

Blogger Happy Housewife May 17, 2016 9:35 AM  

Obviously, everyone here is just demonphobic. This young man was displaying how tolerant and accepting he is by giving them one or twelve chances to get at him.

Anonymous quamuri May 17, 2016 9:39 AM  

I'm not-so-bad at go so I have long been familiar with the tooth-grinding problem of journalists writing about games they know less than nothing about. Obviously this particularly galling from people who are paid to write about games. But to play devil's advocate: is the median purchaser of Doom playing more like the Polygon reviewer or more like the expert? If the former, I'm not sure whether this level of incompetence will actually hurt Polygon's performance as a media property. The general trend in journalism is that those who serve up coverage which massages the ignorance of their readers, profit.

Blogger Krul May 17, 2016 9:39 AM  

Speaking of Doom, remember this?

'To say nothing of the way it shows how the SJW's instinct, when faced with an acid-throwing Baron of Hell, is to want to make friends with it rather than strafing and shooting a rocket in its face.

What more do you need to understand that SJWs are pure and unadulterated evil? They see a Baron of Hell and think: "He seems nice! I wonder if he will be my friend?"'

Anonymous Culture Heretic May 17, 2016 9:43 AM  

I like the fact that they gave the Doom Marine an endearing quirk as well.

And the BFG 9000 does what you expect.

Blogger Chris Mallory May 17, 2016 9:47 AM  

Sadly, PC games have been dumbed down to the console level. Where the mouse and keyboard used to hold sway, now controls are simple for the controller crowd.

Fallout 4 was probably the last new PC game I will ever buy. It ruined gameplay with it's console mentality.

Anonymous Ecthelion May 17, 2016 9:47 AM  

How long until they fess up that Sarkeesian was at the controls?

Anonymous basementhomebrewer May 17, 2016 9:51 AM  

He seemed to like to get awfully close and handsy with those demons. Perhaps he is a HARD BUD trying to get Butt Invaded?

Anonymous basementhomebrewer May 17, 2016 9:56 AM  

Mars Demon Butt Invasion could very well be the sequel to CT's Hugo Nominated SRBI

Blogger Krul May 17, 2016 9:57 AM  

Culture Heretic wrote:And the BFG 9000 does what you expect.

The Big Friendly Giant is in Doom? What an odd crossover.

Then again he does call himself "bone cruncher, child-chewer, meat-dripper, gizzard-gulper, butcher-boy," so maybe it fits...

Blogger VD May 17, 2016 10:00 AM  

You wrote the launch review for Heretic?!? You're, like, totes my childhood hero, yo!

That was big. Probably the biggest was the TIE Fighter cover review for Electronic Entertainment. That was fun.

Blogger Cinco May 17, 2016 10:00 AM  



Actually.. No.

The easiest difficulty setting is super hot white girl.


That's not a difficulty setting, that's a cheat code. Noob.

Blogger VD May 17, 2016 10:01 AM  

The new BFG 9000 looks like an updated version of the plasma launcher from Rebel Moon Rising.

Anonymous Steve May 17, 2016 10:04 AM  

Mars Demon Butt Invasion could very well be the sequel to CT's Hugo Nominated SRBI

It's the role Whil Wheaton was born to play.

Anonymous LLC May 17, 2016 10:05 AM  

And I thought I was terrible at FPS games.

Anonymous BGKB May 17, 2016 10:08 AM  

You mean there is more to writing game reviews than getting BJs from ugly chicks? You have to play them also. We demand the release of the depression quest vids.

Blogger Harsh May 17, 2016 10:10 AM  

TIE Fighter... now you're making me feel old... great game though...

Anonymous basementhomebrewer May 17, 2016 10:23 AM  

@43 TIE fighter was definitely a great game. It was too bad they went the Rebel assault direction instead of continuing to put out great simulator type games.

Anonymous brentg May 17, 2016 10:24 AM  

I've never seen a zombie die by being shot in the foot 10 times.

Anonymous p-dawg May 17, 2016 10:29 AM  

I think the best thing to do while being smashed in the face by a demon is switch from a shotgun to a pistol. Wait, did I say "best"? I meant "worst".

Anonymous SingSling May 17, 2016 10:30 AM  

I heard its good, was thinking of buying it but went for Stellaris instead and holding out for Total War next week.

@42 Obviously he wouldn't be very good at Leisure Suit Larry then, though the artificial blues and greens in its graphics probably reminds him of his usual type of women.

Blogger Ron May 17, 2016 10:31 AM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger JC May 17, 2016 10:31 AM  

That's how my dad played the first time he used a twin-stick controller to play an FPS. This was many years after he played Doom and Wolfenstein when I was a kid but mostly preferred turn-based/real-time tactical games. I can't think of many people with even limited experience with video games that would play like that let alone someone who is PAID to do so.

There's another part where he/she shoots a medical kit with a shotgun before missing his next shot at an enemy. And yeah, it's definitely on easy. I played the Beta a few weeks ago and it was pretty fun but I'll leave off a little while before I get it.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 10:31 AM  

"The Big Friendly Giant is in Doom? What an odd crossover."

***blink***

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 10:32 AM  

"Fallout 4 was probably the last new PC game I will ever buy. It ruined gameplay with it's console mentality."

World of Warships exists.

Anonymous Culture Heretic May 17, 2016 10:34 AM  

The new BFG 9000 looks like an updated version of the plasma launcher from Rebel Moon Rising.

Interesting. Bethesda did a The Art Of Doom Weapons article that has some concept art of it and a little bit of info behind it if you're curious.

There's also a Doom Artbook out next month as well.

Blogger Austin Ballast May 17, 2016 10:34 AM  

Was the clip VD posted the bad play? That looked like about how I would play, though I know I am not great at FPS games.

I started Destiny by running into enemies and killing them hand-to-hand. Not ideal and I finally figured out how it works and I can be somewhat decent. (Except when aiming in PvP that is.)

This game is much too high on the gruesome scale for me either way.

Blogger James Jones May 17, 2016 10:36 AM  

I think his instruction was to go in close (too close), so you get a better view of the monsters instead of picking them off at a distance. It does look more visceral than the nvidia video.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 10:42 AM  

U___U he was obviously drunk playing in a oculus/rift with the wrong screen ratio, with a reverse-Y axis!

Orrrrrr

This was his first time with a console and the sensitivity was too high!

Funny is why the heck they published it XD.

Anyways... Looks boring dude... Seriously? This what doom has come to? Wow, games today suck, you could probably find better stuff on Atari 2600 (ok ok... MSX ;-)

Blogger JDC May 17, 2016 10:43 AM  

I guess the reviewer never heard of the widely known and effective technique of strafing (especially in Doom).

Blogger Caedryn Stonelaw May 17, 2016 10:44 AM  

My initial though on watching him play is that he is jerking those joysticks like he expects them to nut on his face. I would expect that someone who ostensibly volunteered or was in the pool to review an FPS game had actually played them before. Though this might be another example of a console casual being useless without auto aim.

Anonymous Chico and the Man May 17, 2016 10:45 AM  

Felt like the reviewer from Polygon thought it would make the gameplay more exciting to get close up on the baddies to make the review vid more interesting?

Blogger Caedryn Stonelaw May 17, 2016 10:47 AM  

JC wrote:That's how my dad played the first time he used a twin-stick controller to play an FPS. This was many years after he played Doom and Wolfenstein when I was a kid but mostly preferred turn-based/real-time tactical games. I can't think of many people with even limited experience with video games that would play like that let alone someone who is PAID to do so.

There's another part where he/she shoots a medical kit with a shotgun before missing his next shot at an enemy. And yeah, it's definitely on easy. I played the Beta a few weeks ago and it was pretty fun but I'll leave off a little while before I get it.


The best part? he shoots at the stationary med pack twice and misses the first time. 12:30, i believe, for that one, guys. It's a classic.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer May 17, 2016 10:47 AM  

I still remember the lightless hallways from Doom 1 and 2 with the Pinky Demon growling off in the distance. Doom 3 harnessed that suspense and went nuts with it.

I'm not a gamer, but I did play Doom when it came out and the suspense was, to me anyway, one of the greatest parts. You never knew when you would get jumped. The music was perfect.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 10:48 AM  

James Jones

No, his sensitivity is too high, so he goes up close to actually hit somethig XD. Anyone who played ps2 games or Ps1 FPS knows that is a must technique, because the controller is not as good as today's controls.

The game sounds pretty 5/10 in dynamics so he was probably bored too, neger even tried to fix the setup, let alone get skills.

-----------

@everyone

U_U btw I turn 27 tomorrow, any ideas in what to do on anniversary that will be spent almost entirely at university???? Maybe late night bar drinking alone and getting in a motorcycle gang fight...

Blogger Caedryn Stonelaw May 17, 2016 10:49 AM  

Chico and the Man wrote:Felt like the reviewer from Polygon thought it would make the gameplay more exciting to get close up on the baddies to make the review vid more interesting?

Nah, there is no demonstration of competency at any point in the video. Its not like he was letting them get close, he just had no other option to reliably defeat them at range. You can see even the same player issues when he starts trying to snipe with a pistol.

Blogger Steffen May 17, 2016 10:49 AM  

For some reason the screenshots remind me of the interior areas of Unreal II, and all the marketing seemed to be based on high-res graphical quality then, as well as now.

Probably another one of those seen-it-before old guy moments that are becoming all too common for me now. I'm only 36, dammit!

Blogger Chrom May 17, 2016 10:51 AM  

"Hey, Grampa! Check out this new game I got! It's called Doom!"

"Doom?! Why, I played that way back when your dad was still in diapers!"

"Really? That's so cool! Here, take this controller, and I'll record you!"

Blogger Christopher Yost May 17, 2016 10:53 AM  

Ya know, now that I think about it ('cause someone brought it up), I kinda get like that on the vertical if I'm unable to reverse the Y-axis on the gamepad.

But his movement...

Blogger Caedryn Stonelaw May 17, 2016 10:55 AM  

Eduardo wrote:James Jones

No, his sensitivity is too high, so he goes up close to actually hit somethig XD. Anyone who played ps2 games or Ps1 FPS knows that is a must technique, because the controller is not as good as today's controls.

The game sounds pretty 5/10 in dynamics so he was probably bored too, neger even tried to fix the setup, let alone get skills.

-----------

@everyone

U_U btw I turn 27 tomorrow, any ideas in what to do on anniversary that will be spent almost entirely at university???? Maybe late night bar drinking alone and getting in a motorcycle gang fight...

I believe my college birthdays were mostly spent drunk, sometimes with friends, sometimes with a game I bought myself for the day, something decent to eat, and a good cigar if the weather was nice. A bottle of bulleit goes awesome with pretty much anything.

Blogger ECM May 17, 2016 10:56 AM  

In Polygon's (very limited) defense, this isn't new. I ran a game mag back in the late 90s/early 00s, and you'd have cringed at the game-playing ability of most game 'journalists' even then.

The fact is, most game sites/mags hire either their friends or people who can, ostensibly, write (though the type of writer they hire nowadays is more like a desperate ape trying to, err, ape Hunter Thompson, rather than the game freaks of my era), with actually gaming ability being a distant ninth on the requirements checklist.

Blogger Ingot9455 May 17, 2016 11:07 AM  

In the players defense, and without seeing the video, the pistol in DOOM 3 turned out to be the sniper weapon. It didn't have any randomization from the aimpoint, and so it had pinpoint accuracy, even though the damage was lame.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 11:07 AM  

@Caedryn

Well guess I will have to settle with somethig like that... My university friends already graduated, I am part of the leftover people. Not much of a whiskey guy, but if my dad was in... Then the bottle shall not be wasted!

I was thinking OUTBACK steakhouse at midnight hahahah and then wake up 6 AM to go to a high school for five hours, do some observing...Mannn it sucks having birthdays on wednesday.

Anonymous basementhomebrewer May 17, 2016 11:12 AM  

ECM wrote:In Polygon's (very limited) defense, this isn't new. I ran a game mag back in the late 90s/early 00s, and you'd have cringed at the game-playing ability of most game 'journalists' even then.

The fact is, most game sites/mags hire either their friends or people who can, ostensibly, write (though the type of writer they hire nowadays is more like a desperate ape trying to, err, ape Hunter Thompson, rather than the game freaks of my era), with actually gaming ability being a distant ninth on the requirements checklist.


Which is part of GG's point. It's hard to cater to enthusiast's tastes if they are not themselves enthusiasts. As other's here have mentioned, they like hardcore strategy games. Someone who is really into fighter games is likely to find strategy games boring. A review written by them is not going to be relevant to strategy gamers.

In that scenario at least the theoretical reviewer likes to play games. Now take it one step further and have someone who doesn't like video games period review games. Boring and hard is going to be what comes to their minds most often. Their editor, if they are worth anything, are going to reject that line of thought. So, instead the writer is going to write about how they would like be friends with the enemies and ask why that isn't an option.

Blogger swiftfoxmark2 May 17, 2016 11:47 AM  

Geez, everyone knows you don't play a FPS with a controller.

Blogger Alexandros May 17, 2016 12:07 PM  

For people complaining about pc games being dumbed down messes (re: Fallout 4), The Witcher pulls no punches.

The slavs get it.

Blogger Doom May 17, 2016 12:10 PM  

Equality rears it's ugly head again? Could be 40's? Nah, I have played better after a case and a fifth or two, when younger. As to game news, I just haven't read that for a long time. It's just sales for whoever is picking up whatever tab. Has been for a very long time. Sure, bringing broads in, to sleep around for tags, yeah... okay... that's probably more degraded. But only slightly.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 12:23 PM  

Fallout 4 is that bad? You guys are getting me worried now XD.

OpenID denektenorsk May 17, 2016 12:50 PM  

If anyone here is a 4X Space Strategy buff I cannot recommend Stellaris enough. It's a recent release and the policies/traits of the "Commonwealth of Man" bring a tear to my eye. They get a happiness boost when you are at war. They turn a blind eye to Xenos enslavement.

The game has a war goal mechanic that encourages you to go out and raid outposts/bombard planets to force a surrender and thus achieve your stated goals. This is a hard core game that makes Civ look simple.

Anonymous BluePony May 17, 2016 12:54 PM  

"Fallout 4 is that bad? You guys are getting me worried now XD."

Depends on what you wanted. It follows the general pattern of the previous two games, which I liked a lot, so I liked this one well enough. A lot of the negativity was so over the top that I figured something else was going on. It's a community with a lot of geeks, so there's weaponized personality disorders to consider. I'm having fun, and that's all that matters to me.

I'm more of an RPG person, so I'm in VATS most of the time outside of manual sniping. I also like the settlement building. I play games to relax after work.

The FO4 GECK is near release and the mods have already flowing. Even the console versions are getting mod access which is interesting.

I definitely recommend the new Survival mode. No fast travel. Save only at beds. Hunger, thirst, diseases. Healing is slow. Combat is high damage both ways. You and enemies can kill one another quickly. I'm setting up minimal settlements for resources and operating out of those. Clear out and area and move shop to the next settlement.

Anonymous patrick kelly May 17, 2016 12:56 PM  

""Really? That's so cool! Here, take this controller, and I'll record you!""

Heh, any grandkids doing that to me might be surprised. It may take me a few deaths and some control settings tweaking, but won't be long before I go from lame-reviewer to NVidia demo skillz again.

Haven't played any FPS in years, and I really don't need another black hole to dive into, but damn, that looks like fun.

Blogger D. G. D. Davidson May 17, 2016 12:58 PM  

That guy games like me, but, of course, I'm not a professional game reviewer, nor even a gamer.

Really looks like someone using a controller he's unfamiliar with. He keeps overshooting while trying to run.

Anonymous patrick kelly May 17, 2016 1:01 PM  

@52 Nate: "World of Warships exists."

I lost interest in WOT a while back, but I still fire up a quick game sometimes.
What do you like about WOWS?

Blogger Blume May 17, 2016 1:06 PM  

Sounds interesting.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 1:07 PM  

Well I only play in the most ridiculously hard difficulties... Except Iron Man on X-Com. Ironman is too damn evil.

I played like the first hour of the game, Fallout 4, so I was worried they ruined it completely, you know, like they do wih every good game from the 90's. I love the isometric version and the new 3D takes, solid games all around but I am not an RPG buff so any shitty RPG systems to me sound a-ok, cuz I can't really the difference between good stuff and bad stuff on that issue

I am a tactical-shooter kind of guy, the lost and extinct breed of shooter fans. So when I play fallout, it is all about the shooting XD. VATS was a pretty damn cool take in trying to use the old system in a "real-time" game, but I just couldn't use it because of mine self punishment gaming behavior hhaahahah.

4X games... Now that is a type of game I could neger play, don't have the skills to play Age of Empires properly, let alone 4X.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 1:10 PM  

Patrick Kelly and his 1000 mile FPS gamer stare XD

Anonymous patrick kelly May 17, 2016 1:27 PM  

Eduardo wrote:Patrick Kelly and his 1000 mile FPS gamer stare XD



Heh, not sure I deserve that.

Was never great. I've seen great with my jaw dropped in awe, but I usually stayed in the middle of the pack score wise and sometimes won a level or two in public server deathmatches back in the Quake III days, and Quake Live before it stopped working on my ancient OS and hardware.

My favorite is still was Quake I (original, not re-boot) CTF with grappling hook mod......woo hoo, I'm spider man with a rocket launcher.....good times.

Blogger SirHamster May 17, 2016 1:42 PM  

Ingot9455 wrote:In the players defense, and without seeing the video, the pistol in DOOM 3 turned out to be the sniper weapon. It didn't have any randomization from the aimpoint, and so it had pinpoint accuracy, even though the damage was lame.

If you haven't watched the video, why do you expect your defense to be any help?

You're not helping, so don't. Then watch the video and laugh at the inept play.

You can tell the player can only handle one action at a time - move, change aim, shoot. Strafe and shoot only happens to be the core gameplay mechanic of DOOM ...

Imagine a professional driver who doesn't know how to use the brake or the steering wheel. And now he's going to show off the newest Ford Mustang by driving it onto the curb and backing into a tree ...

Anonymous Ad Victoriam May 17, 2016 1:48 PM  

@76
Thanks for the heads-up. Now THAT's the kind of review that gets me to buy a game. :)

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 1:57 PM  

I was quite young when Quake III came out, never got to play in it online despite already being pro players in the country. Played thousands of hours of Counter-Strike though, same engine... Errr ok, updated version of the Quake Engine. Still play the Global Offense

Actually I think I wasted 8000 hours of my life playing games and didn't even got rich doing it T_T

But hey Patrick, maybe you should give a try at Halo, the combat is totally different but it is fast paced as Quake used to be, it might bring back those gaming muscles in your hand and brains hehehehe

Anonymous Ain May 17, 2016 2:09 PM  

"Geez, everyone knows you don't play a FPS with a controller.

You do for modern console games that have an auto-aim feature. The console cross over into PC gaming has been a bane.

Anonymous VFM #6306 May 17, 2016 2:14 PM  

Not bad for a cop simulator. Must have hit 10% of everything he was looking at.

When does he get to firing five shots into an unarmed innocent lying facedown, hands behind his back? Or is that the final boss?

OpenID iinteger May 17, 2016 2:18 PM  

Odin's sweaty balls, it honestly looks like someone trying to play one-handed.

Anonymous VFM #6306 May 17, 2016 2:24 PM  

How can you not finish Starfox Zero? It is about as long as Depression Quest!

Seriously, these people should be shot and autopsied for communicable idiocy. It is a global imperative.

Anonymous Genericviews May 17, 2016 2:40 PM  

All the reviews of games I ever read were limited to: Here's a new game. It has monsters. You will like it. Here is a screen shot of an animated chick that is not in the game anywhere. Go buy it.

Seriously. They all read like they were written by the marketing department of the game developer.

Anonymous GreyS May 17, 2016 2:49 PM  

Hilarious. Looks like me when I was trying to learn my nephew's xbox controller, and that's saying something....

Anonymous A.B. Prosper May 17, 2016 3:14 PM  

I'm not a first person shooter guy but some years ago was able to on regular setting having not touched a video game in nearly a decade, play well enough to give the regulars headaches in a LAN game. Granted Doom 1 but still controls aren't that hard.

As for people Fallout 4. Its a lot like Fallout 3. Its power hungry though, GPU intensive. My rig runs hot but very stable.

The weapons are mostly ugly though the mod system is nice and unless you are into those type of games settlement building is boring.

I have Automaton but haven't messed with it yet.

Personal opinion, its worth the money, I'm having fun with it but it doesn't have the replay value of Skyrim or New Vegas.

Also you play "their guy" to a much higher degree than in other games.

Better engine, many improvements, not quiet as good a game,

Blogger SirHamster May 17, 2016 3:16 PM  

Ain wrote:"Geez, everyone knows you don't play a FPS with a controller.

You do for modern console games that have an auto-aim feature. The console cross over into PC gaming has been a bane.



One bright spot is that pulling a trigger to shoot is quite satisfying.

Anonymous FP May 17, 2016 3:26 PM  

Sad. Even if on a console, just sad.

For those who wish to use a KB/mouse (the real way to play a FPS) on a console:

http://xim4.com/

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 3:33 PM  

Prosper

That is programming hungry XD. It simply asks too much of your rig. Here let me tell ya what to do to fix that temperature thingy.

Get MSI after burner latest edition, install it and when using it go straight the RivaTuner and set the Frame per Seconds at 60 and lower it as necessary. Most game waste too much GPU time with useless stuff so if you set the FPS to 50-40 the GPU will run much cooler and hence will live longer. Most of these games are made for 30 FPS in a console so the PC version is usually poopy.

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 4:29 PM  

I've never seen a zombie die by being shot in the foot 10 times.


Try deadspace.

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 4:33 PM  

@33

Try Overwatch. Blizzard won't cross platform it because the PC users would have too big of an advantage. And that's according to Blizzard.

Anonymous Ain May 17, 2016 4:53 PM  

"One bright spot is that pulling a trigger to shoot is quite satisfying."

True

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 5:01 PM  

You would think that gaming media would have outgrown this phase.

I mean face facts, back when Vox was doing reviews he was one the few gamers who could actually write.

In the early days, I remember a typical review would be something along the lines of, "This is a good game. I like it very much. And then there would be five pages of technical data with random punctuation.

So it was understandable that 1990s editors decided to hire writers and try and teach them how to play games.

The downside to that was that they were writers at heart.

Consequently they would give rave reviews to crappy games that had a good story line.

They don't need to business this way anymore but they still do.

Meanwhile guys like Totalbiscuit have drastically gained more street cred.

Who pays attention to Polygon and Kotaku? How are they even in business at this point?

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 5:01 PM  

You would think that gaming media would have outgrown this phase.

I mean face facts, back when Vox was doing reviews he was one the few gamers who could actually write.

In the early days, I remember a typical review would be something along the lines of, "This is a good game. I like it very much. And then there would be five pages of technical data with random punctuation.

So it was understandable that 1990s editors decided to hire writers and try and teach them how to play games.

The downside to that was that they were writers at heart.

Consequently they would give rave reviews to crappy games that had a good story line.

They don't need to business this way anymore but they still do.

Meanwhile guys like Totalbiscuit have drastically gained more street cred.

Who pays attention to Polygon and Kotaku? How are they even in business at this point?

Blogger Jimmy The Freak May 17, 2016 5:09 PM  

Nate wrote:World of Warships exists.

I love World of Warships. I get lost in that game for hours at a time. I won't even turn it on unless I have a few hours to lose to it

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 5:18 PM  

Mannnn, checked TotalBiscuit's Wikipedia just to find the dude has cancer! My goodness man... Is horrible.

Remeber him not long ago doing a interview with the creator of Insterstellar Marines. I wonder if it is related with DHT levels in his body, I mean he is already pretty bald, and cancer and DHT are related...

That being said man, Kotaku and Polygon... And freaking IGN should hurl themselves of a building... Ou take gamespot with you.

The only thing cool about those sites is the game list and some funny reviews, other than that is just ... Weird. Oh and biased we cant forget that!

Blogger Aeoli Pera May 17, 2016 5:23 PM  

I didn't know my mom tested games at Polygon.

Blogger Aeoli Pera May 17, 2016 5:30 PM  

I think it's been a decade since I played an FPS...but I believe you're still allowed to strafe.

Anonymous rubberducky May 17, 2016 5:46 PM  

I enjoy the occasional fps, so I'm a casual in the genre. And I'm 49, so I'm passed the reflex prime. I usually do okay, on the top part of the post match stat lists.

Wow that game reviewer was horrific. I was blaming it on drugs first. Had to be drugs. Out of his mind from the start to the upload. Nobody in their right mind would have allowed that thing to see the light of day.

Wow. Non-gamers out there, trust me that video is one giant cringe.

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 5:56 PM  

@106 Aeoli Pera

Overwatch dude!

It has butt-girl AND a monkey.

A MONKEY!!!

Blogger Aeoli Pera May 17, 2016 6:25 PM  

Cataline Sergius wrote:@106 Aeoli Pera

Overwatch dude!

It has butt-girl AND a monkey.

A MONKEY!!!



These are wonderful things, but it's like Hollywood movies: I just can't be arsed anymore.

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 6:26 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 6:43 PM  

"What do you like about WOWS?"

I like loading it up with two of my sons in a division... me and my oldest running cruisers and the second oldest running a carrier. We slink off together and coordinate... generally raising all manner of hell.

What is not to like? The Grind is a over the Top but that is the complaint of people that don't like the game.

I like the game... so I don't care.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 7:08 PM  

Captain Nate from the USS #NeverTrump

XD

*assuming is the same Nate

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 17, 2016 7:10 PM  

@104 Eduardo

Genetics in his case.

He was high risk to begin with. And because of that, he was having colonoscopies done on an annual basis at a fairly young age.

Bottom line; that kind of procedure is basically performed on a conveyor belt because it is now the "standard of medicine".

In consequence the gastroenterologist missed it when the tumor was first starting to grow.*

*Revised post. I did the first on my phone during Happy Hour.

Blogger SciVo May 17, 2016 7:24 PM  

TC? Is that the guy who did the review for Wizardry 8? He was great, but I can't remember his name.

Anonymous Eduardo May 17, 2016 7:33 PM  

Geez man, I am saddened by the guy. He seems like a cool person. It seems the thing started to spread and was uncurable according to the Wikipedia page...

Well, tough times man... Tough times.

Well being bald is also genetic related hahahah, testosterone amount is a genetic thing and so is DHT production, but the two may be unrelated in his case.

Anonymous Credo in Unum Deum May 17, 2016 8:05 PM  

Do you even game, bro?

No, I have a girlfriend.

Blogger Nate May 17, 2016 8:31 PM  

"Captain Nate from the USS #NeverTrump"

***chuckle***

Nate is not NeverTrump. Nate doesn't care. Trump wins? Great. More Lulz from Butt Hurt Purple Hairs. Trump Loses? Oh man... the butt hurt from Trump True Believer will be over 9000.

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 9:45 PM  

I play like that too after about 70 beers

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 9:49 PM  

@15 Nate
"That would be highest difficulty. Lowest difficulty would be black female transgender lesbian jew veteran with a handicap."

Actually.. no

The easiest difficulty setting is super hot white girl.
---
Does it have a setting for fuzzies or furries?

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 9:51 PM  

NINJA DOG MODE

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 10:01 PM  

@62 Eduardo
U_U btw I turn 27 tomorrow, any ideas in what to do on anniversary that will be spent almost entirely at university???? Maybe late night bar drinking alone and getting in a motorcycle gang fight...
---

If you are at university, get really drunk and go to every place you can find and make fun of SJWs in their faces. Please record video on your cell phone.

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 10:08 PM  

@82 Eduardo
I am a tactical-shooter kind of guy, the lost and extinct breed of shooter fans.
---

You mean like the old Ghost Recon and Rainbow Six type games?

Blogger Were-Puppy May 17, 2016 10:19 PM  

@104 Eduardo

Mannnn, checked TotalBiscuit's Wikipedia just to find the dude has cancer! My goodness man... Is horrible.
---

Whoa that's scary. I had the same thing, but they got it right before spreading. Gone now.

OpenID denektenorsk May 17, 2016 10:35 PM  

"What do you like about WOWS?"

Star Conflict is another good one - basically WOT in space. Really good production values although it is not entirely sure what type of game it wants to be with a PvP (WOT) mode, a PvE for 4 players and an open world MMO lite type thing. I loved the PvP matches for a long time.

Blogger CarpeOro May 17, 2016 10:55 PM  

I have almost no twitch reflexes (hence the reason why I prefer strategy and rpgs), yet I would have to be inebriated to play that badly.

OpenID brainfromarous May 17, 2016 11:29 PM  

Gentlemen,

CGW's famous RPG reviewer and stalwart pundit was ScorpiA, not ScorpiO.

Scorpia. She legally changed her name to that, in fact. I confirmed this when, years back, I had the good fortune to meet her and play Call of Cthulhu with her group. I was also a regular member of her GEnie GamesRT and weekly chat groups. Damn, how I miss CGW and the Beige Box days.

I remember your byline as well, Vox. When I first heard about you in regard to The Puppyning, I wondered "Is it the same fellow?" Surprise, surprise... so it is.

Absolutely loved SJWAL, btw. I consider it essential reading in these lunatic times. Next up will be Irrational Atheist, which should be interesting reading for an Atheist such as myself.

Blogger Harsh May 17, 2016 11:42 PM  

Credo in Unum Deum wrote:Do you even game, bro?

No, I have a girlfriend.


No. No, you most obviously do not.

Blogger Harsh May 17, 2016 11:57 PM  

I like how he constantly shoots when the reticle is inches away from what he wants to hit. Just curious but is there a technical term for when you prematurely pull the trigger before you get the gun on target? And btw there's a funny example of that in Punisher: War Zone.

Blogger Scott C May 18, 2016 1:01 AM  

Back in 2013, Adam Sessler said that a game was too hard for him to complete, and he chocked it up to old age.

Anonymous Ain May 18, 2016 1:41 AM  

"It has butt-girl AND a monkey."

I thought they got rid of butt-girl to show how enlightened and sensitive they are.

Blogger rho May 18, 2016 2:05 AM  

Dialectic: I played Doom on an Altair 8800, and this is no Doom, good sir!

Rhetoric: This is why you shouldn't put your extra chromosomes on your resume.

Blogger Bill May 18, 2016 2:11 AM  

Have you thought of obtaining the game rights to Space Raptor Butt Invasion? Time to towards the 2017 Hugos.

Blogger Aeoli Pera May 18, 2016 4:54 AM  

Harsh wrote:Just curious but is there a technical term for when you prematurely pull the trigger before you get the gun on target?

Yeah, when it discharges too soon, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Bill wrote:Have you thought of obtaining the game rights to Space Raptor Butt Invasion? Time to towards the 2017 Hugos.

Great art groans within a man's soul to be made manifest. SRBI certainly invokes noises within the imagination of the reader.

Blogger Aeoli Pera May 18, 2016 4:55 AM  

Aeoli Pera wrote:Yeah, when it discharges too soon, it's on the tip of my tongue.


In retrospect, that sentence needed a little extra work.

Blogger Krul May 18, 2016 5:14 AM  

Aeoli Pera wrote:Yeah, when it discharges too soon, it's on the tip of my tongue.

That's a mouthful...

Blogger Cataline Sergius May 18, 2016 6:09 AM  

@130 Ain

I thought they got rid of butt-girl to show how enlightened and sensitive they are.

Actually, no. In fact pretty much the opposite of, no.


Blizzard Just Boss Trolled the Entire SJWverse

Anonymous Eduardo May 19, 2016 12:15 AM  

I will admit Puppy, my heart skipped when you said those awesome game names XD

Yes those are the games I was brought up as a gamer hahahahah those are the games I would love to make if I ever get a project going...

Btw, good to know you are tumor free man, didn't want you becoming a plump of meat walking around, AKIRA-style

Anonymous Eduardo May 19, 2016 12:23 AM  

Well I ended up settling with a Angus Bacon and some family time... I am a lame-O XD.

But iffff it ever occur of me getting really mad at SJW's I will record the exchange... And if I don't get killed... I will post it hahahah

Anonymous r May 19, 2016 11:06 PM  

Fuck. And I think of myself as bad at FPSes.

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