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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Joooooon Snow!




At this point, one would assume even the drooling halfwits at File 770 would be able to recognize that neither Jon Snow nor Ramsay Bolton were exactly liable to give Hannibal or Alexander a run for their money. One would assume wrongly, of course, but it's understandable that one would be inclined to do so.

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31 Comments:

Anonymous FP June 22, 2016 11:26 AM  

The Overwatch parodies are somewhat kinder to Leeroy Jonny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OU7ztXgS95s

Anonymous cheddarman June 22, 2016 11:31 AM  

A young kid that understands the childrens' game of "rock scissors, paper" could have done a better job of commanding the loosing side.

We must assume the military advisors to Game of Thrones don't even get that.

Blogger MATT June 22, 2016 11:32 AM  

SmallJon Umber died too soon.

Blogger Ben Cohen June 22, 2016 11:37 AM  

Where's the Hitler video?

Blogger MATT June 22, 2016 11:39 AM  

Of course Davos, being the seasoned, frugal low-born, had the good sense to leave his expensive horse behind.

Blogger Dexter June 22, 2016 11:40 AM  

Nothing says "great general and inspiring leader, your troops love you" like charging the enemy... and then none of your men follows you.

Blogger MATT June 22, 2016 11:42 AM  

And boy was the giant useless. He couldn't break the infantry line???
Just imagine toddlers holding pencils on you. I didn't understand that one.

Blogger LibertyPortraits June 22, 2016 11:46 AM  

This video made my day, can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Anonymous Eduardo June 22, 2016 11:46 AM  

It is a song of cold rape and hot rape... War is just a side story.

Anonymous Pax_Romana June 22, 2016 12:07 PM  

I gave up on the series after the trainwreck that was "Dance of Dragons." I don't recall this scene from the books, so I'm assuming the TV series has eclipsed Martin's glacially slow writing.

If that's the case, is the series as rapey as the stuff Martin squeezes out?

Blogger Ingot9455 June 22, 2016 12:17 PM  

Boy, I'm glad I never started this series, book or tv.

Blogger Ingot9455 June 22, 2016 12:17 PM  

Boy, I'm glad I never started this series, book or tv.

Blogger MATT June 22, 2016 12:24 PM  

@Pax_Romana

No rape at all in the first post-book season.

Blogger Noah B June 22, 2016 12:30 PM  

Can they fit an entire season worth of rape into the last remaining episode? If not, we can definitively say that Rape-Rape's role in the creative process has been minimized.

Blogger Anchorman June 22, 2016 12:37 PM  

The internet is awesome.

Anonymous Pax_Romana June 22, 2016 12:43 PM  

Woah, wait, no rape? How are the fans still watching when this stable has been taken from them!?!

Blogger Gaiseric June 22, 2016 1:36 PM  

Pax_Romana wrote:I gave up on the series after the trainwreck that was "Dance of Dragons." I don't recall this scene from the books, so I'm assuming the TV series has eclipsed Martin's glacially slow writing.

If that's the case, is the series as rapey as the stuff Martin squeezes out?

Yes, the show has advanced beyond the books. At this point, I think it likely that Rape-rape will not bother finishing the books, honestly. He has little to gain and quite a bit to lose if the show is deemed better than the books by the fans.

As for the rape; keep in mind that the Game of Thrones show had to literally sue a porn site and make them take down clips from the show, because there are so many of them.

Anonymous Sir_Chancealot June 22, 2016 1:50 PM  

Apparently, Jon Snow really does "know nothing".

Blogger Dexter June 22, 2016 2:02 PM  

"He has little to gain and quite a bit to lose if the show is deemed better than the books by the fans."

Eh, he knows the fans will rush out and buy the books even if they are bad. After all, he's written several bad books in a row, and they're still selling.

Blogger tublecane June 22, 2016 2:14 PM  

@7-They couldn't use the giant because it had to look like the Snow force was doomed. Why have him there at all, you might ask. They needed the giant later to knock down the gate at Winterfell, otherwise the storyline couldn't have been reasonably wrapped up in that episode. Basically, like every other idiotic thing in the episode (Jon losing his mind, Sansa not telling anyone about Little Finger, Ramsey's incompetent command, etc.), it happened because the writers didn't know how to get to their predetermined ending without them.

The giant ought to have had a weapon: a tree trunk, or something. Then he could've broken through the shield wall. Heck, he probably could've jumped over Ramsey's men and hit them from behind.

Anonymous Genericviews June 22, 2016 2:54 PM  

And NO ONE thought that maybe putting some armor on the giant would be useful?

Blogger Geoff martin June 22, 2016 2:54 PM  

A simple 20 minutes crash course on Rome Total War 2 would have completely changed the entire perspective of anyone watching that battle

Blogger JayKayNZ June 22, 2016 6:52 PM  

Trying not to laugh too hard at work - what a crack up.

The whole shield encirclement (and apparent ineffectiveness of the giant) was a result of a very last minute diversion from the original script due to budget and time constraints.

I was surprised at Jon Snows stupidity at letting emotion get in the way and Leeroy Jenkinsing the whole thing. But I guess it runs in the family?

I don't think Ramsay was that concerned with using the most efficient tactics - he was there to enjoy the spectacle, knowing he was going to win anyway.

Anonymous Clarence June 22, 2016 6:54 PM  

I'm not sure either Jon or Ramsey are supposed to be seen as genius battlefield commanders.

In which case, you are both right

Blogger My Dead Gramps June 22, 2016 7:05 PM  

I'm pretty sure Ramsay was just trolling at that point. Hell, I once tried to conquer half the known world in RTW using nothing but Warhounds and screeching women.

Anonymous Daniel H June 22, 2016 9:16 PM  

I’m a war history buff, not as astute as many of the commentators here, but I try and pay attention and learn.

A fascinating factor of strategy and tactic analysis is the occasionally analogy that is separated by time, distance, culture and politics. Case in point: I read “We were soldiers once…and Young: la Drang - The battle that Changed the War in Vietnam” by Joseph Galloway, a 19 year old AP reported who was tasked with the units that fought the battle. This was the first real confrontation between a sizable American unit and a North Vietnam battalion of the war, fought in November 1965. Don’t consult the movie, starring and directed by Mel Gibson. The movie is just a bunch of chest thumping, rah rah American singularity, heroism and triumph, that elides the crucial and horrible second part of the battle where the US Marines were mauled. The battle was cleanly divided into two parts: the initial airdrop into a hornets nest of North Vietnamese concentration which the US Marines, despite heavy casualties, won handily and thoroughly. The second part of the battle involved the decision to march the American marines from the initial battle location 3 miles through the forest to another landing zone that was considered safer for evacuation and removal. So far, so good. Inexplicably, when the vanguard of the American column reached the landing zone the commanding officer decided to hold a pow-wow of company and platoon commanders. All captains, lieutenants and their communications adjuncts were instructed to move up to the landing zone for the pow-wow, leaving the leaderless and communication-less marines stretched out in a mile long column along a heavily forested trail. Well, just at this moment the North Vietnamese launched a devastating counter attack, swarming out of the forest and cutting down marines all along the column. No prisoners were taken. Surrendering was useless, and the wounded were finished off. The marines were leaderless and without means to communicate with the command center. It was 24 hours of horrible slaughter until effective counterattack by the marines could eliminate the threat. Here we have a marine force that was more than equal to taking on a North Vietnamese force multiple times its size, within the proper context, rendered inert in a context with which it had no experience.

This brings to mind the slaughter of Varus’ legions on the withdrawal from Octavian’s ill-fated foray beyond the Rhine. Again, the Germans were no match for Roman units when those units could be mustered according to Roman tactics, but on the retreat back to the Rhine the Roman legions passed through a forested, swampy region, strung out for several miles along narrow, depressed, forested and swampy trails where they had not opportunity to form cohesive units which could have repelled any frontal assault by German bands. The result: the German bands ambushed, attacked and picked off the Romans from the elevated sides with javelin, arrow, stone and eventually sword. They slaughtered every last legionnaire.

No great lesson to learn, but interesting how the same battlefield circumstances can bring about analogous results, separated by so much time, space and circumstance.

BTW, such a disaster would never have happened to the Wehrmacht. They made their own strategic blunders, but isolated and cutoff landsers and feldwebel’s would have relished the challenge to get out of a jam. They were trained and expected to immediately take initiative in such circumstances.

Blogger Atomic Agent 13 June 22, 2016 11:24 PM  

Ramsay sent his cavalry in than had his archers shoot them, brilliant. Than again what are you supposed to do? Just stare each other down hoping the other side will just get close enough for your archers?

Blogger Atomic Agent 13 June 23, 2016 12:09 AM  

Ramsay sent his cavalry in than had his archers shoot them, brilliant. Than again what are you supposed to do? Just stare each other down hoping the other side will just get close enough for your archers?

Blogger Atomic Agent 13 June 23, 2016 12:10 AM  

Ramsay sent his cavalry in than had his archers shoot them, brilliant. Than again what are you supposed to do? Just stare each other down hoping the other side will just get close enough for your archers?

Blogger tublecane June 23, 2016 1:54 AM  

I've only heard one theory that can explain Ramsey's tactics, and that is he was intentionally sacrificing the knights of other Northern houses so that they couldn't turn on him in the future. Because he ruled by terror, and that's inherently unstable.

Anonymous Big Bill June 23, 2016 4:56 PM  

@25: Didn't the terrifying Finnish hordes descend upon overextended Soviet columns, slicing and dicing them in the same fashion during the winter war?

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