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Wednesday, August 17, 2016

They've learned nothing

A Baby Boomer reacts to her son telling her that she was a terrible mother:
Back in the Seventies, when I was juggling a thriving business with early motherhood, there was nothing I cherished more than a cuddle with my sleepy babies in the middle of the night. No matter how long my day, if either of them woke crying I would bring them, freshly changed and fed, into our bed. There, I would drink in their delicious baby scent and we would all drift off together. Bliss!

Yes, running the country’s leading fashion PR agency meant not being home in time to cook my children’s supper, but that didn’t mean I loved them any less fiercely. Nor did I think for one moment that my daily absences necessarily made me a ‘bad parent’.

But it appears I was horribly wrong. For when I opened the Mail last week, I had quite a shock: there was an article by my son, Joshua Howie, now 40, declaring me an ‘absolutely awful’ mother who was ‘too selfish to raise children’.

Perhaps what hurt the most was not knowing it was coming. If my son did it to promote his career as a stand-up comedian, you’d think he’d have asked me — a PR guru — for advice. You might think, considering I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous, I would be used to comedians using aspects of my larger-than-life existence to comedic effect. But this time I felt the joke was on me.

Far be it from me to criticise my son, whom I love dearly, but many baby boomers who read his article didn’t hold back. Understandably, they took offence at the suggestion that our generation made terrible parents, who neglected their children while scaling the dizzy heights of glamorous careers and filling their ‘gold-plated’ pension pots.

I’m not trying to claim that the baby boomers were always models of parental perfection. I certainly wasn’t, and I still harbour huge amounts of guilt about the things I missed out on when my children were young.
The funny thing is the way that her first response to the charge that she was an absolutely awful mother and too selfish to raise children is to talk about how wonderful she felt on days that she didn't even put them to bed.

Just to be clear, my parents were great, so I know very well that not all Baby Boomer parents were like that. (And it is really not necessary to explain to the author of two books on economics that there is a difference between macro generalities and micro examples.) But it's still an amusing defense that misses the point, even though the chances are not insignificant that the whole thing was concocted by the mother as a PR stunt.

Nevertheless, the idea that Baby Boomers were, on average, terrible parents is not out of line, especially considering the way that many of them are intentionally not leaving inheritances for their children, in either the USA or Britain.
The children of baby boomers are heading towards a financial shock after it was revealed their parents aim to spend all their cash rather than pass it on. Baby boomers – generally referred to as those born between 1947 and 1964 – are often seen as the ‘selfish generation’ because they have benefited from good wages and rising property values before retiring on gold-plated pensions. But now a study has shown that their children are facing poverty in old age.
They're not leaving much of a country behind them either. And while the demographic demolition of the United States cannot be blamed on the Baby Boomers, as it happened in 1965, the fact is that they collectively celebrated it rather than corrected it. They were too excited about having ethnic restaurants and whole new ways to virtue-signal their superiority to their parents to consider the long-term implications for their children and grand-children.

UPDATE: The son's article to which the Baby Boomer mother was responding:
Mum was the epitome of the Eighties career woman; on the phone to the office within 20 minutes of my birth, she didn’t get off again until I was 16. And during that time, when more than 20 nannies raised me, I have not one recollection of Mum ever playing with me or reading me a bedtime story.

Labels:

116 Comments:

Blogger rho August 17, 2016 4:43 AM  

I thought VD's parents were Silents.

Blogger kudzu bob August 17, 2016 4:46 AM  

Gas the Boomers! Agewar now!

Blogger YIH August 17, 2016 4:56 AM  

considering I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous,
Have you ever seen that show? I did, back when it was on Comedy Central in the 90's. The 'Edina' character was in every way an ‘absolutely awful’ mother who was ‘too selfish to raise children’. It was a running joke through the show, Edina was a slut (you name it, she'd do it), drug and alcohol abuse (again, you name it, she'd do it), and her running the country’s leading fashion PR agency meant the freakshow of such was a normal fixture of her life.
And now she whines I’m not trying to claim that the baby boomers were always models of parental perfection. I certainly wasn’t, and I still harbour huge amounts of guilt about the things I missed out on when my children were young.
What is this I can even.

Blogger JP August 17, 2016 4:57 AM  

The only example I can add here is how my grandmother's cousin left me his concertina in his will. His boomer children fought tooth and nail to keep it because they "deserved" it. No matter that he had to live with us because none of them cared enough to have him live with them. It wasn't anything special as far as instruments go, he just liked playing for me and I liked watching him so he left it to me in his will. They got all his money, but that wasn't enough.

Blogger Unknown August 17, 2016 4:59 AM  

The juxtaposition of Gen-X parents to Boomers in the coming years will be very interesting.

I don't think Gen-X will come off well in the comparison. Note: that statement is NOT a defense of Boomers.

Blogger Unknown August 17, 2016 5:12 AM  

I really wonder if we are witnessing the Calhoun experiment taken to a generational level...

With the beginning of the Age of Plenty after WWII we've seen every generation become ever more delusional, self-absorbed, and dyscivic.

It appears that the my generation might be breaking the cycle, but I'm not holding out much hope that'll happen. Most of the fellow parents of my age are even more idiotic and childish than the Xers who raised us. Those are the ones having kids. It appears that most of the Ys and millenials are waiting even longer to have kids or "choosing" not to have children at all.

We have met the enemy and he is us.

Anonymous Napoleon 12pdr August 17, 2016 5:23 AM  

I suspect the big problem was that the Happy Days and Brat Boom decade groups tended to provide for their children's physical needs...but not emotional requirements. Kids born in the 1960s and 1970s were raised by babysitters and day care centers, not their parents.

Anonymous fred August 17, 2016 5:37 AM  

"They're not leaving much of a country behind them either."

I think, as Joe Sobran might say, "not much of a country" would be an improvement. I don't think they're leaving _any_ country behind.

Has ever such a vast swarm of locusts been seen before in human history?
Too bad there wasn't some sort of Boomer DDT we could have sprayed them with.

Blogger Pseudotsuga August 17, 2016 5:38 AM  

Napoleon 12pdr wrote:Kids born in the 1960s and 1970s were raised by babysitters and day care centers, not their parents.
Careful with those generalizations, sonny...I was born in the mid 60s, raised by 2 parents and a stay-at-home mom (Dad was the income).
Nearly everybody I went to school with in my small towns in Oregon were the same way. Perhaps things were different in the big cities.
But getting back to the main post-- this woman's selfish guilt shone through a couple of her sentences-- and she doesn't even seem to realize it. It seems she knew that merely having her children in bed with her wasn't enough, but she denied it as the siren call of her high-powered Grrl power world distracted her.

Anonymous Avalanche August 17, 2016 5:39 AM  

And even the parents who did raise them weren't 'doing it right.' My sister (born the "last year of Boomers") raised her (only) son without (seemingly) taking any heed for HIS future! He sucked a baby bottle till he was five (including having most of his baby teeth, damaged by the ever-present bottle, capped at around age 3!!). She and her husband 'coaxed' him to giving it up for his fifth birthday!

When I suggested (meddling older sister that I sometimes was) that perhaps always buying him a present whenever they went out (some guilt at both parents working?) was NOT the best thing (for him), she said that when OUR parents went out and did NOT buy us a present, she felt bad; she did not want her son to feel bad, ergo: every time they went out, he got a tangible "reward." (?!)

I pointed out -- because that was "all he knew" -- that, when he was 21, say, and barely scraping by in a small apartment, he would "feel bad" {eye roll} if he couldn't/didn't/wouldn't always buy himself a present -- whether or not he could afford it!

Neither parent understood the idea of 'raising up the child' with an eye to that CHILD'S future, which should out rank the parents' desire to always be loved (and/or perceived as loving?), or never have to (learn to) deal with tantrums or a disappointed child (Or never teaching the child/letting the child learn to deal with disappointment)... well, that idea just never occurred!

Blogger totenhenchen August 17, 2016 5:45 AM  

If my son did it to promote his career as a stand-up comedian, you’d think he’d have asked me — a PR guru — for advice. You might think, considering I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous...

As if that's a good thing. Here is Wikipedia's description of Edina:

a heavy-drinking, drug-abusing PR agent who spends her time chasing bizarre fads in a desperate attempt to stay young and "hip"...Despite being a middle-aged, twice-divorced career woman, Edina is reliant upon the support of her daughter Saffron (Julia Sawalha), a secondary school pupil (and later university student) whose constant care of her mother has left her a bitter cynic.

Anonymous X August 17, 2016 5:48 AM  

Boomers by and large swallowed leftardism. And they are not done with their destructions yet, most of the international "elite", Hitlery etc... all Boomers.

OpenID paworldandtimes August 17, 2016 5:55 AM  

Whatever happened to "H-h-h-hope I die before I get old" ?

PA

Blogger Joe Keenan August 17, 2016 6:15 AM  

Giving a generation a name, then assigning blame for societies failures to that named generation, reeks of totemism. Castigating a generation for perceived failures is largely specious as human failure has been with us since the Fall in the Garden. What is absent in much of the identification of any generational failure is a root cause failure analysis. Going on about how the Boomers failed you is the ALT Rights equivalent of the "point and shriek" tactic of the Left/SJW. There are massive societal failures, in the economic sphere our system is based on usury. For that system to work there has to be a small creditor class and a massive debt class. The creditor class is of course the one that will profit, the debtors become debt slaves. This has been going on for centuries and it has nothing to do with the Boomers. Identify the problem, resolve it.

Anonymous omar's running shoes August 17, 2016 6:17 AM  

(((Howie Franks))) you say? A book to sell, I'm guessing?

Blogger VD August 17, 2016 6:23 AM  

Has ever such a vast swarm of locusts been seen before in human history?

No. The 60 million+ invasion of the USA since 1965 is the largest human migration in history.

Blogger VD August 17, 2016 6:42 AM  

Giving a generation a name, then assigning blame for societies failures to that named generation, reeks of totemism.

We didn't give them a name, Joe. They did. And they reveled in that identity, right up until we came along and made it clear that we didn't approve of them or the consequences of their actions.

Anonymous Jack Amok August 17, 2016 6:43 AM  

Yes, running the country’s leading fashion PR agency...me — a PR guru...I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous...

Ah, quite the successful life! Should be plenty of compensation for having your son publicly denounce you as an utter failure as a mother.

Still, at least she had a child, even if he despises her. Sharper than a serpent's tooth and all that. But when your kids are so malnourished their teeth crumble like clay, you end up getting gummed to death.

Anonymous DT August 17, 2016 6:53 AM  

Yes, running the country’s leading fashion PR agency meant not being home in time to cook my children’s supper, but that didn’t mean I loved them any less fiercely.

Yes, it did.

Nor did I think for one moment that my daily absences necessarily made me a ‘bad parent’.

Yes, they did.

I often wonder how the creator feels about nonsense like this. I try to imagine I'm in his shoes. (Not that I'm fit to even wash his shoes, mind you.)

You give women the ability to carry, birth, and nurture new human beings. New lives.

And then you look down to find that, in one particular nation, half of the women are aborting their kids. While the other half are too busy with careers...and in many cases 'the carousel'...to be there for their kids.

Then I thank God for his incredible, unfathomable mercy.

Because if I was in his shoes, I would be so angry I would consume said nation with fire.

My parents had some problems and made some mistakes...but they were never selfish. They were not Boomer Brats.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau August 17, 2016 6:56 AM  

The Boomers raised the current Participation Trophy Generation of snowflakes who need a safe space when told NO. You can't have it your way.

Anonymous DT August 17, 2016 6:57 AM  

@18 - when you quote her like that, it's "me me me me me I I I I I me me me me me."

Then again, I don't know how you could have quoted her to not leave that impression.

That feeling when you want Trump to win, but you also want Hillary to crash the economy to the point that FedGov confiscates Boomer pensions, retirements, and property for dem programs.

Anonymous Radish August 17, 2016 6:59 AM  

Never mind the inheritance, the real problem is this: Raising a child is a learned skill, which takes the entire childhood to study.

If you never have bonded with your parents, then it's almost impossible to bond with your own kids, there just is nothing there, where there should be parental instincts and the need to love children.

Worse, you do know that this is missing, but you don't care because when you grew up, you learned not to want what you cannot have, once you self amputated that part of your soul, it does not grow back.

For a man this can be remedied if his wife had a normal childhood, but a women that grew up this way is forever an emotional cripple in this sphere.

So, that's why a lot of kids who had a working mother end up child free and why it's pointless to try and tell them they are missing out. And if they have kids, it's likely that they inflict the semi-feral lifestyle they learned onto their own offspring.

This is what happened with me -- I like kids (in small doses), I make a great aunt and I support anyone who wants to be a parent; but I knew I could (and should) not try being a mother myself.

Feminism truly is the horsewomen of the cultural apocalypse.

Blogger residentMoron August 17, 2016 7:07 AM  

Radish

I think you're right. I say it like this: you can't give someone what don't have yourself.

But I think you're wrong about being unable to learn. The transformational power of Christianity is more than equal to that task. It is just as lethal to our civilisation to advise a generation of women not to have children "because selfish."

We must encourage them to become mothers and become less selfish, both.

OpenID paworldandtimes August 17, 2016 7:12 AM  

If you never have bonded with your parents, then it's almost impossible to bond with your own kids, there just is nothing there, where there should be parental instincts and the need to love children.

Manifest nonsense.

I make a great aunt and I support anyone who wants to be a parent; but I knew I could (and should) not try being a mother myself

There is nothing more useless than a healthy White woman who fails to make a White baby.

"Child-free" smells of troll.

PA

Blogger Michael Maier August 17, 2016 7:15 AM  

""Child-free" smells of troll."

Sounds rude. There's nothing I read in Radish's post that celebrates being child-free.

OpenID basementhomebrewer August 17, 2016 7:16 AM  

residentMoron wrote:Radish

I think you're right. I say it like this: you can't give someone what don't have yourself.

But I think you're wrong about being unable to learn. The transformational power of Christianity is more than equal to that task. It is just as lethal to our civilisation to advise a generation of women not to have children "because selfish."

We must encourage them to become mothers and become less selfish, both.



Correct! To think as Radish does is to embrace doom for our civilization. There are too many people who grew up with absent parents. If they all took that attitude then our doom is assured.

Radish, you may not think you have it in you but even by recognizing the faults you prove otherwise. Pay attention to other newly pregnant women. Many are scared, or think they do not know how to be a mother but most transform as their pregnancy progresses.

Blogger Doom August 17, 2016 7:25 AM  

At this point what can they learn? If they couldn't handle reality when they were young, and their minds and bodies were capable, what can they learn when any pain is too much to bear? They didn't just cause much damage to their children (the typical boomer), or the nation. They ruined themselves. Now they hide in shadows, hopping from one foot to the next, in complete denial of their horrible destruction. I think they are even trying to take pride in it. At this point that they are close to death is the only thing good left to many of them. Even at that, so many of them are outliving even their children, and more their grandchildren, and they are clueless about how awful that reflects on them even more than all else.

On the good side? They will be remembered for as long as the victors enjoy writing about how they couldn't have won without them. The only ones who could have brought America down was Americans. And they had to choose to do it. As to Britain, Britain has always been Britain, no matter how stuffy they have tried to be they have always been... British. Why do you think they have fallen to knighting rock and movie stars? Bleh.

Anonymous NorthernHamlet August 17, 2016 7:28 AM  

You might think, considering I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous

OMG, make it stop...the words...please. Is this woman still married?

Blogger Anchorman August 17, 2016 7:36 AM  

I find it interesting that the experience she recounts in an effort to show what a great mom she was is really a woman using a child for her own enjoyment.

There, I would drink in their delicious baby scent and we would all drift off together. Bliss!

Long hard day? Pick up the kid and smell them and POOF you're a great mom!

Also, I was born in the 70s. Lived in the burbs. I don't remember anyone in my class who went to daycare or afterschool/before school (we didn't have it then).

Latch-key? Yeah, I'm sure there were latchkey kids. But daycare wasn't a big thing, as far as I recall.

Blogger Anchorman August 17, 2016 7:41 AM  

Radish hits some good points, like the need to bond with the parent before you really know or can bond with your children.

So, that's why a lot of kids who had a working mother end up child free and why it's pointless to try and tell them they are missing out. And if they have kids,

I noticed a shift in war movies/attitudes.

I remember many war movies with dying men in WWII calling for their mother. The symbol of comfort and calm from their earliest memories.

There was always the threat of violence if you talked badly about someone's mom.

I wonder how much affection is there for millenials, some Gen-Xers. If mom wasn't always there, being a mom.

Anonymous Steve August 17, 2016 7:42 AM  

Long hard day? Pick up the kid and smell them and POOF you're a great mom!

You'd think Yankee Candle would have this covered already.

Anonymous Stickwick August 17, 2016 7:48 AM  

Madonna's teenage son recently criticized his mother for not being there for him. She seemed flabbergasted that, instead of being proud of her career, he's angry because she was never there to do mom things for him.

A lot of women use the rationalization of, "they'll be proud of me for my accomplishments" or "it'll inspire them to pursue their own dreams" for essentially abandoning their kids, but it rings hollow. Children want a mom who does mom things. They really don't care what else a mom does if she doesn't do mothering well.

I don't think my daughter will care all that much that I'm a scientist. She will care much more that I'm her mom, which is why I only work half time. She won't remember the equations I solved; she will remember the meals I prepared, the books we read together, and my singing her to sleep at night. As much as I enjoy my scientific work, nothing I do as a scientist will ever compare with the joy of being a mom.

Anonymous Darth Wheatley #2415 August 17, 2016 7:53 AM  

My mother's a boomer (my dad's older, born pre-'47). She just kicked him out of his own house after 40+ years together, with no money or anything.

Manipulative, controlling, selfish, very SJW. And she wonders why I can't stand her.

Blogger Gunnar Thalweg August 17, 2016 7:59 AM  

Many, many years ago, as a college freshman, I dated a beautiful young woman for a few months. As the Internet came about, I would occasionally google old girlfriends. In this case, it was a horrible shock. She had been divorced, and her ex-husband was a PR executive, and had managed to almost destroy her publicly. She killed herself the same night Tucker Carlson was making fun of her on his stupid little show.

The best counter-argument against this woman is her extreme narcissism demonstrated in answering her son in kind -- using her PR experience to get a placement to tell her story, to defend herself, and against her son. That's only something a terrible mother would do.

Blogger Happy Housewife August 17, 2016 8:12 AM  

@Michael Maier

The fact that she refers to being childless as "child free" is no doubt what caused PA to label her such.

Blogger dlw August 17, 2016 8:14 AM  

The Boomers didn't appear out of nowhere. They were the children of "The Greatest Generation", who bridged the poverty of the Depression in the 1930s to the luxury of the 1950s. The children of the 1930s sometimes didn't get enough to eat. *Their* children wondered what kind of car they were going to get as a graduation present.

You had a whole generation of "affluenza" there. And you had whackjobs like Benjamin Spock and his child-rearing theories ("just let them run wild, it's harmful to discipline children"), and the groupthink of television, and youth-targeted advertising, and other things no previous generation had to deal with.

The Greatest Generation grew up poor; they wanted their children to have more. But the problem was, the Boomers lived in affluence like a fish lives in water; they viewed it as the natural way of things.

Having few examples of decent households or parenting, they followed their parents' examples, just like a child abuser programs his own children.

Anonymous Patroclus August 17, 2016 8:20 AM  

I am dealing with the selfish generation right now, actively trying to break up my home by pitting their daughter against her husband. There are 4 kids involved.

The arrogance and entitlement have been quite breathtaking. For the good of my children and wife, I am not retaliating. (Not yet, anyway.)

The people fail to realize that I have a 23 year advantage, I never forget, and like Cicero, I treat my friends and enemies the same- I give them what they deserve.

For now, though, I pray. With fervor. "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 8:24 AM  

@22 Radish nailed it.

Never mind the inheritance, the real problem is this: Raising a child is a learned skill, which takes the entire childhood to study.

If you never have bonded with your parents, then it's almost impossible to bond with your own kids, there just is nothing there, where there should be parental instincts and the need to love children.


My wife, a 4th grade teacher since 1983 (sabbatical for raising our kids) has a unique position to see the declining spiral in parenting skills.

Perhaps 10% of students now show up in 4th grade with any kind of self-control at all. The rest are increasingly like wild animals, and their parent (<1 in 4 kids comes from an intact family this year) is usually utterly oblivious, or gives lipservice to norms but acts to ignore them.

It's tragic for the few decent kids, and I'll say with authority that whatever apocalyptic expectations you harbor for the future cannot be dire enough to reflect what's coming. A nation of utterly out-of-control, incapable of self-control/self-discipline young adults surrounded by the Rainbow Coalition of dysfunctional aliens promises a social cataclysm to dwarf the sacking of Rome. Rome was an important city, not an important country covering most of a continent.

Dyscivilization indeed. H.G. Wells got it wrong; the future will be a mass of unwashed, ugly perpetual children and an upper crust of beautiful, capable, self-disciplined aristocrats (the engineers and innovators who own and run the means of producing the modern world.) Mob Rule (democracy) will be utterly dead, or no more than a mirage, because if the Mob of unwashed, unruly, infantilized people has a say, a tidal wave of Malthusian culling will inverse-decimate (i.e., wipe out 9 out of 10) people and leave the survivors desperate to submit to the remaining aristocrats out of pure survival instinct.

I cannot imagine in my worst nightmares how many corpses will be required to re-teach age-old lessons to Mankind.

Blogger c0pperheaded August 17, 2016 8:24 AM  

"And while the demographic demolition of the United States cannot be blamed on the Baby Boomers, as it happened in 1965, the fact is that they collectively celebrated it rather than corrected it."--Vox Day

"The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected."--GK Chesterton

Anonymous Frankenstein McBadperson August 17, 2016 8:32 AM  

"Nor did I think for one moment that my daily absences necessarily made me a ‘bad parent’."

If you edit that sentence down to "Nor did I think for one moment." you get the whole story in one.

Blogger Tank August 17, 2016 8:32 AM  

First, I'm not arguing with the gist of the article, particularly the part about leaving the country broke, but my experience in my northern NJ suburb was pretty different. Most (not all) of the few women who went to work before their kids started school had to. Kindergarden was a couple of hours, so most still did not work. As the kids started school and progressed up the grades, more and more women did work. But even then, in the younger grades, most of the women had jobs that allowed them to be at the school at 3 PM to pickup their kids. This is how most of our friends got to know each other, meeting at the school picking up or dropping off their kids. I don't know if this was the norm for others, but it was in my mostly liberal, northern NJ suburb.

My limited knowledge of the now child bearing generation, gathered from my kids friends and our relatives, is that the overwhelming majority of young women expect to take a couple of months off work and then return to work and place their kids in childcare. If this is a bad paradigm, it appears to be a growing one (to my limited experience.).

Blogger VD August 17, 2016 8:34 AM  

For the good of my children and wife, I am not retaliating.

And that is why they win. Stop talking tough to people who neither know nor care about the situation and do something about it instead.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer August 17, 2016 8:40 AM  

I'm reminded of an episode of the TV show House where the hospital administrator is shown spending 14-16 hours at work demonstrating grrl power and then goes home to take custody of her adopted child from the Hispanic house keeper just in time to read to him a few minutes before he goes to sleep. Its all supposed to be very empowering, but my first thought was that she spent a lot of time and energy to obtain a child, but is paying someone else to raise him. What was the point? The kid is basically a hobby. Or a lifestyle accessory.

Anonymous Frankenstein McBadperson August 17, 2016 8:40 AM  

"Because if I was in His shoes, I would be so angry I would consume said nation with fire."

Oh make no mistake, the nation is being consumed even as we speak. Just not with fire. But that'll come later, too, once the new religion of Dinduism expands from its mecca in Milwaukee.

(I wonder what the Vedic Texts of Dinduism are. Probably just some nonsense about intersectionality --whatever the fuck that is-- and a bunch of really bad rap records.)

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 8:49 AM  

She won't remember the equations I solved; she will remember the meals I prepared, the books we read together, and my singing her to sleep at night. As much as I enjoy my scientific work, nothing I do as a scientist will ever compare with the joy of being a mom.

It comes as a shock to realize the same applies to dads.

Three seconds after you retire from your Big Job in Big Corp no one there will remember your name or give ONE SHIT who you were or how you are. Your family will remember; they'll recall what you missed, and (if you were a good enough Executive) won't be able to even answer if asked to describe you, beyond "Dad was important in his company, I guess." You'll be lucky if your son(s) don't piss on your grave, assuming they haven't self-immolated on heroin, et.al.

Pop Culture has pissed on the traditional life (marriage, house-with-2-car-garage, white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog) for two generations. It takes actual backbone to tell your peers to go fuck themselves when they speak of your "traditional life" with scorn-drenched words. Women don't seem to realize that their BFF's are actively stabbing them in the back by disparaging their choice to be a full-time mom.

It takes intelligence to reason out the truth, that parents aren't friends to their kids and that failing to instill self-discipline in kids is a vicious form of parental child abuse. It takes intelligence to reason out that parental coercion is a necessary part of child-rearing (you don't have to beat them, simply putting a misbehaving child on your lap and holding him or her down without hurting them a few times gets the point across for most kids, I imagine.) The first thing I said to my grandkids (newborns) was, "Your family has great expectations for you." Kids have a responsibility to their family, and to their society. It's not to be SJW leftist idiots, it's to grow up to be good neighbors, good spouses and good parents, while being productive of something others willingly buy.

This is NOT rocket science. All it requires is a clear notion of what future you wish to see, and then reasoning out the stepping stones to get there. It starts with seeing your kids as separate people, not some sort of toy the parent "bought" between bedroom and hospital.

My parents were pretty useless. My wife's parents better. My wife and I took that foundation (don't do what my parents did, copy her parents where they were right, don't repeat what they did wrong) and filled in the rest via logic, reason and consensus, pretty much nailing it. Once again, it wasn't rocket science, it was all common sense.

As with all of today's leftist (belief-in-magic) insanity, there's no excuse for the epidemic of bad parenting. NONE. People reap what they sow.

The unfortunate part is that when everyone else decides to go jump in a lake, they'll drag the rest of us along even as we struggle to stay dry.

Moral? Wear a life ring.

Blogger Starbuck August 17, 2016 8:50 AM  

Just to be clear, my parents were great, so I know very well that not all Baby Boomer parents were like that. - VD

Gas the Boomers! Agewar now!- kudzu bob

So all you with Baby Boomer parents, are you ok with clowns like bob here trying to kill your parents?

bob and anyone with any urge to kill anyone in my wife's family or my family will be met with extreme defense and your blood will be spilled. Even if you come out the victor, there will be someone to get revenge upon you.

That's the thing now to control people isn't it? Threaten a persons family. To kill their parents or spouse or their children. It's disgusting.

I am sorry that your parents were lousy parents. That isn't a generational "thing". It is the results of sin nature. There are plenty of people to tell you that their parents were good parents. Regardless of generation.
I heard this same griping from my friends when I was growing up and I heard how they wished the WWII generation would just die. Some even offering to help them along the way. These conversations are nothing new. However they are still just as depressing.

But one thing that is even more disgusting is the way my generation (baby boomers) and genx are talking about millennials. They keep saying they are lazy, dumb, wimps. All generations had them. I work with millennials and they are smart, witty and go-getters. And from I can see, God is raising up a large number of these millennials to do his end times works. They are all over the place these young and hungry Christians. I have a lot of faith that God knows what he is doing.

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 8:53 AM  

the overwhelming majority of young women expect to take a couple of months off work and then return to work and place their kids in childcare. If this is a bad paradigm, it appears to be a growing one

(Laughs.) That trend has been in place since MY kids were born. Then as now, it takes spirit to buck the Pop Culture Mob trend because at every turn there's someone who sniffs and says, "Oh, you stay home with your kids? I guess you must be among the Trailer Park ladies whose only other choice is greeting people at WalMart."

There are many people alive today simply because it was against the law for my wife or me to kill them.

Blogger Christopher August 17, 2016 9:00 AM  

"the things _I_ missed out on"

Not the things my children missed out on, or the family missed out on, etc.

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 9:01 AM  

The two of my daughters-in-law who have kids are stay-at-home moms. Prior to having kids, one was making six figures as a manager at a Big Corp and the other was teaching in a public school. Needless to say, both have Bachelors degrees. They QUIT. Not "LOA," I mean "gone." Being a full-time mom is a BIG job, often more demanding than any corporate drone job, even a manager drone job. But the benefits are unmatched.

Few women take this route, but the dirty little secret is that most wish they could. Two things interfere: 1. Mom (and dad?) lack the self-control to corral their impulsive-minded over-consumption and spending. 2. Dad simply can't make enough money to be the sole income while living in a place that is selective enough to avoid the true riffraff.

I'll add a #3: The women who wish they could are afraid to say so, for fear that their peers will piss all over them, or that being entirely financially dependent on dad makes them (in today's feminist insanity) weak.

Like I said, all this stuff goes away if you reason it out and have some damned backbone.

Blogger residentMoron August 17, 2016 9:09 AM  

Today Judgy Bitch tells the truth about net tax payments/withdrawals indexed by sex. Turns out the average American female ends her life having received $150K more benefits than she's paid in taxes, while the average man pays $100K more in taxes than he receives in benefits.

As she says in the article, feminists don't mind sponging off men at all - they just don't want the man to have any choice in the matter. They use their voting weight to have the government transfer wealth on their behalf.

And considering the above numbers, and that women out-number men by around 52 to 48 in all the western democracies, such an imbalance is plainly not sustainable.

What cannot be sustained, won't be.

The latchkey mums are leaving their feral children a financial debt to go with their spiritual, intellectual, and emotional voids.

Never before have so many taken so much from so small with so little justification.

Blogger residentMoron August 17, 2016 9:19 AM  

As much as women have to learn (and be taught) how to be wives and mothers again, men have to decide to be husbands and fathers again. Vox is absolutely right on both fronts.

As a young man I bluntly told my girlfriends that if they ever killed a child of mine I'd do the same to them. It took me a lot longer to figure out that, if I needed to be having that conversation with them, I shouldn't be fucking them in the first place.

But my attitude hasn't changed. I read these stories about the parents of murdered children forgiving the killers and I know I will never do it. If we lived in a society where such people would be removed as a danger to future victims I might be persuaded to forgive them before they were hung, but I take the biblical injunction that the strong have a duty to defend the weak, seriously. It is inarguable that refusing to punish criminals encourages crime. It is ouor duty to ensure that doesn't happen, and it is a duty that western men collectively have largely abandoned. I find this to be one of the more obscene failings of modern churchianity.

Anonymous Athor Pel August 17, 2016 9:23 AM  

" 44. Anonymous Frankenstein McBadperson August 17, 2016 8:40 AM
"Because if I was in His shoes, I would be so angry I would consume said nation with fire."

Oh make no mistake, the nation is being consumed even as we speak. Just not with fire. But that'll come later, too, once the new religion of Dinduism expands from its mecca in Milwaukee.
...
"


In the Old Testament God used the word fire, or refiner's fire, as a symbol for what was about to come on the nations of Israel and Judah as result of their unrepentant sin. How this played out on the ground was through tyranny, rampant criminality, corruption, bad weather, war, famine and pestilence.

It is a totally appropriate symbol.

The only way through it, the only way to survive it was and is with His hand guiding you and protecting you.

Blogger CarpeOro August 17, 2016 9:26 AM  

@Joe Kennan
"Giving a generation a name, then assigning blame for societies failures to that named generation, reeks of totemism."

Try opening a history book written before 1960 (arbitrary but a decent enough date). Ignoring the name they assigned themselves, historians have been writing about generational differences for over two thousand years. Chucking out all knowledge prior to your generation of how people work is not optimum. Sounds a lot like the boomer cry "never trust anyone over age x". Which incidentally, they all are now.

Blogger JDC August 17, 2016 9:35 AM  

Few women take this route, but the dirty little secret is that most wish they could.

I work in two locations, one of them a nursing facility where I provide chaplain services to the residents and staff. It is quite sad, as I provide supportive services, to hear over and over how they wish they could be with their little ones, but their economic situation will not permit it (more often than not they are single moms, or divided families).

When someone gets married at our church, member or not, they have to agree to 6 hours of what we call per-mariatal counseling. Inevitably the discussion leads to having children, and what the plan is. I always point out to the couple (more specifically the woman), that, in planning to have children she should at least consider that she may want to stay at home full time. I share with her the numerous women I have come into contact with who regret working, especially during their kids early years.

The funny thing is that I can tell that this is the first time anybody has even broached the idea that they might want to stay home.

Of the over 120 funerals I have performed in my career, I have never had a family respond, when asked about their dead mother, that they were awesome because they had such a wonderful career. The value comes in spending one on one time with them, cooking, cleaning, teaching, going to church...spending time.

Your professional accomplishments will not be remembered or valued by your children when you are lowered into the ground.

Anonymous ZhukovG August 17, 2016 9:39 AM  

The evidence of a 'good' Boomer is that they are up front about how horrible their generation was without equivocating.

If you are a Boomer defending your generation or excusing it with "My parents wuz bad too", then you are probably Exhibit A.

Anonymous Laz August 17, 2016 9:42 AM  

Out of all my fellow GenX, 1 friend and I are the only kids that didn't grow up latch-key. If that isn't an indictment of an entire generation of bad parenting I don't know what is.

Blogger CM August 17, 2016 9:51 AM  


You'd think Yankee Candle would have this covered already


I don't get the baby smell thing. When I fed my baby lying down, their head would smell like arm pit.

It afforded many a snicker as friends would gush over them and comment on their "baby smell".

Anonymous Godfrey August 17, 2016 9:56 AM  

What is the measure of a really successful life?

(a) Being a successful PR guru
(b) Being a good and much loved Mother to your children

If your ambition - as a man or woman - is wealth and career, then don't have children. Just be a good Uncle or Aunt instead. My Father was smart and hard working, he was given the chance to get on the career track and move up in the corporation. He valued his family time and took a pass. He chose to be a father instead. I'm glad he did. Nothing he could have bought me could replace the precious time I spent with him.

Anonymous Lynda August 17, 2016 9:58 AM  

My husband and I practically take notes when we are around good parents. I went to counseling with a Christ-centered Christian counselor for a while, and that helped me a lot. With the help of God, we are doing a much better job of parenting than our own parents did, and hopefully our children will be able to do even better.

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 10:03 AM  

@51 As much as women have to learn (and be taught) how to be wives and mothers again, men have to decide to be husbands and fathers again. Vox is absolutely right on both fronts.

As a young man I bluntly told my girlfriends that if they ever killed a child of mine I'd do the same to them. It took me a lot longer to figure out that, if I needed to be having that conversation with them, I shouldn't be fucking them in the first place.


You Nailed It.

My sons grew up with the following:
1. I would pay huge $$$ to prevent a grandchild being aborted.
2. Be careful with whom you "dally." Making a baby with a bat-shit crazy bitch will cement her crazy in your life forever.
3. Every Damn Thing You Do Becomes A Part Of You! Every girl you bed will leave that memory and you'll never escape it downstream. What might this look like?
A. Crazy bitches want to put their faces on every orgasm you have for the rest of your life, so sex with them will in all likelihood be the craziest Monkey Sex you can imagine. Then you'll forever compare sex with subsequent girls (INCLUDING YOUR WIFE) with her technique, and GUESS WHAT? (quoting a previous coworker) "My wife is not the woman about whom I was most passionate." (Denouement? He's divorced. Small wonder, huh?)
B. It doesn't matter what you do, if you have lots of "experience" with other women your memory will screw with you and you'll be stuck with "Angel was best at A, Betty was best at B, Camille was best at C,...and my wife isn't the best at anything." That's hardly a prescription for lifelong marital bliss.

I don't know what the answer is. I fretted like crazy while my sons navigated the fetid swamp that is the Dating Pool. By all appearances each seems to have found a needle in the haystack of harpies, whores and psychotics. All three girls come from intact families (but two of the three families are hardly what I'd rate as up to our standards, and the third is still short. Not a single family cooked meals at home, so my sons had to teach all their wives to cook.)

Tend your own garden. I did my part, and from early indications my sons are doing theirs. They can't fix other people's "broken." The other people have to fix themselves, hopefully soon and in high enough proportions that the entire civilization doesn't rot to stinking gangrene right down around my extending family's ears.

Blogger CarpeOro August 17, 2016 10:06 AM  

You can't have it all, baby.

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 10:09 AM  

Lynda, you're unique.

My sons' accomplishments are frankly too numerous to list (and they're truly decent men, fun to be around, smarter than smart but so lacking in arrogance that none of them generated the slightest hint of hostility from peers in HS, for instance) so do you know how many people (neighbors, family, school peers' parents, etc.) ever asked my wife or me how we did it?

Not one.

I guess we have to settle for watching others don blindfolds and dance through mine fields. The number of them blowing up their kids is astonishing.

Anonymous Patroclus August 17, 2016 10:10 AM  

You're right. Thanks.

Anonymous JI August 17, 2016 10:14 AM  

My parents had me a bit late in life, they were Silent Generation, I'm Vox's age. I remember finding my friends' parents to be selfish and vain when compared with my parents. And I don't think it was a macro-micro issue because my parents had Silent Generation friends with grown kids and those SG folks also left the Boomers wanting in my eyes, so it's a bit more than a sample size of one (but admittedly not much).

OpenID paworldandtimes August 17, 2016 10:15 AM  

My one bit of advice to parents who want to do it right but are afraid that they had never picked up parenting skills: non-interference with a child's natural development plays as much a role in good child-raising as does positive action.

In other words, gotta know when to hold on and when to let go and let nature do its magic.

PA

Blogger praetorian August 17, 2016 10:33 AM  

Paragraphs: 6
"I" count: 15
"my" count: 9
"me" count: 5
Humblebrags: 9

We're hitting levels of boomer solipsism that shouldn't even be possible!

Blogger pyrrhus August 17, 2016 10:37 AM  

E.O.Wilson “Soccer moms are the enemy of natural history and the full development of a child.”

Blogger dc.sunsets August 17, 2016 10:50 AM  

In other words, gotta know when to hold on and when to let go and let nature do its magic.

Imagine a number line:

Your assessment of what you'll allow the kid to do is X<5, kid's assessment of what he should be able to do is Y>3.

Over time, both numbers rise, but there's always overlap. I call this the parent/kid conflict zone. It's normal, it's unavoidable and if you see it that way you can laugh together about it while negotiating the outcome of every debate.

Problems occur when there is no conflict zone (i.e., parents let kid do any damn thing kid wants) or if the parent's assessment never changes (i.e., parent tries to prevent the kid from growing into an adult.)

I suppose it's possible that the kid's assessment doesn't change, AKA kid doesn't want to grow up, but I've not experienced that or seen it directly in others.

Also, some things can and should be permanently off the list while kid is not a self-supporting, independent adult.
(my list)
Tattoos.
Piercings (beyond a single hole in each ear lobe for girls.)
Fad-level herd behavior. I can't stand humans who behave like cattle or sheep.

I told my kids that there were but three ways to remove a tattoo and I don't own a laser. I do own sharp knives and a belt sander. The smile I wore as I said it left an aura of "he's just kidding, right? Right?"

Blogger residentMoron August 17, 2016 11:09 AM  

@dc.sunsets

Good insights. Thanks.

My mother's in her 70's now but she has a master's in clinical psychology so new discoveries about the brain and mind have long been an habitual part of our conversation.

Some years ago the boffins discovered that the human brain doesn't complete its natural growth until the mid 20s.

But the human body is capable of adult activities in the mid teens.

This is a big factor in the decade between 16 and 25 being the most dangerous. Teenaged bodies are capable of many things; we can fight, we can fuck, drink, drive, etc. But we can't make good decisions about when or whether to do these things.

Fundamentally I see my role as a father to be ensuring my children are morally and intellectually equipped to survive that period. I figure if they do they'll be prepared for adulthood.

Anonymous BGKB August 17, 2016 11:11 AM  

You might think, considering I’m the supposed inspiration for the character of Edina in the very funny and successful Absolutely Fabulous

If she knew that she should have known she was a bad mom.

Blogger Sheila4g August 17, 2016 11:15 AM  

One of the most pernicious of modern myths is that of "quality time." BS. Children care about time, period. Time with you. They want the person who provides their daily care when they're tired or lonely or hurt, not when they're the center of attention or having a party.

I didn't particularly care for nor was close to my family, but I sought out tons of "surrogates" among the neighbors. Everyone for whom I babysat praised me to the skies . . . and I carefully observed what seemed to work better and whose kids were more likable and capable. Almost all of these mothers were stay-at-home moms, although a few worked part-time. Many of the children were overindulged or spoiled, but while they bestowed and received generous affection from me, they still knew who their parents were.

But those for whom I worked as a "nanny" (a few summer jobs and one of my years abroad),after initially praising me to the skies and delegating more and more of their children's upbringing to me, appeared utterly shocked when their crying child turned from them and sought me for comforting. When they didn't want mommy to come and kiss them good night - they wanted me to tell them a story, sing a lullaby, and tuck them in. The jealousy was something to behold. And in all honesty, I really didn't set out to alienate their children in any way (believe me, in many cases I was desperate for a break by the time the kids were ready for bed). I just did what I thought best, and gave generous doses of affection, caring, discipline, routine, and time. All those things their mothers couldn't be troubled with but expected to reap the rewards for.

I knew some FSOs who moved heaven and earth to adopt a couple of White infants. Once abroad, the wife worked full-time in the embassy (and her husband had a senior position and made a good salary) and left the raising of her "children" to foreign nannies.

So many love to say that "time is money," but never make the connection to God's wisdom: "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Children know when they're treasured, and sniffing their infant heads doesn't cut it.

Blogger residentMoron August 17, 2016 11:15 AM  

She knows.

That's what he defensiveness is all about. She's desperately trying to convince herself. Given the torturous "logic" I'd say it's working on her about as well as it's working on you.

Blogger Gunnar von Cowtown August 17, 2016 11:38 AM  

@34 "The best counter-argument against this woman is her extreme narcissism demonstrated in answering her son in kind -- using her PR experience to get a placement to tell her story, to defend herself, and against her son. That's only something a terrible mother would do."

To make it even worse, although both articles appeared in the same section of the Daily Mail, Lynne Franks had no link to Joshua Howie's article. It didn't even show up in the related articles box!?!

So, she wanted to defend her good name, receive attention and sympathy, yet didn't want anyone reading what her son actually said. PR hacks are worse than lawyers.

In case anyone's interested, here's Joshua Howie's initial article.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3730468/My-AbFab-mother-absolutely-awful-parent-PR-guru-Lynne-Franks-inspired-Absolutely-Fabulous-son-says-baby-boomers-like-selfish-raise-children.html

Dude's a neurotic mess who overcompensates, but what did you expect?

Blogger kmbr August 17, 2016 11:57 AM  

The number one piece of advice I give any new parent: ENJOY your children.

I enjoyed every second of raising my kids.

And as they are nearly adults, they are still my most favorite, comfortable people to be with.







Blogger GracieLou August 17, 2016 12:10 PM  

They have a certain inability to step outside themselves.

Exhibit A, Sister-in-Law, early boomer: Claims a dysfunctional childhood. Two parent intact family, mom at home, zero poverty. Normally I give credence to such claims since most of my Gen-X peers were latch-key, grossly neglected and in two cases people were jailed for crimes against their childhoods. Eventually it becomes apparent though that the "dysfunction" centers around dad's practice of upbraiding her while enjoying a high-ball of Scotch. No yelling, cursing or beatings occurred.

"Well...were you bad?" Oh yeah, I was a rebel! One time I got caught smoking pot at school and dad showed up crying, saying if I would get off drugs he'd never touch another drop of Scotch and I said, "F*ck you old man!"

As a member of the feral generation I'm thinking, wow, I didn't even have a dad, nor would anyone been available to pick me up at school, nor offered to sacrifice anything for me, nor even bothered to notice anything to upbraid. Likely, my butt would still be rotting in jail.

She says the turning point of her life was the Three Dog Night concert in '69. She has a son who wasn't any kind of life-changer apparently. She married and divorced a man with stringy hair hanging down to his ass (her "Bobby McGee"). Still bad mouths her father who is beloved by all. I tried to defend him once, explaining how fighter pilots in WWII got so jangled due to the high kill rate fighting the Luftwaffe they put booze in with the rations. Zero f*cks were given.

Exhibit B, friend, later boomer: Bought the hippie JFK dream hook line and sinker. Begged a guy to get her pregnant for "the experience" declined his offer of marriage because he "was boring." Raised son without a father. Left good paying legal secretary jobs because they "were boring" did stupid crap, lived with a lot of men, dragged son cross country. Lived on welfare. Decided to get a degree for the sole purpose of joining the Peace Corps. Attended urban art school. Drug son away from stable rural grandparents to live in ghetto jungle, attend ghetto school. Son starts exhibiting psychiatric problems. She treats him with herbs and a Japanese foreign exchange student. Doesn't care that exchange student has crappy American experience and blames son for getting sicker. Boomer friend spends all vacations on virtue-signaling tree planting trips and so forth. Later, lonely son meets a girl online who turns out to be underage. Angry father presses charges. Boomer friend gets degree and goes to Africa for Peace Corp "experience" doesn't do jack crap there or seem to care. Meanwhile son spends a year in jail unjustly. Boomer friend comes back and moves to Chicago to work for Peace Corps, gets screwed over cause they're all SJW's. Tries living the auto free lifestyle, gets run over on her bike. Returns home and is now living with mentally ill, registered sex-offender son and mother. She never married. Doesn't seem to feel the least bit guilty.

Anonymous Hip-Coolest Boomer Product of 2016 August 17, 2016 12:12 PM  

"Back in the Seventies, when I was juggling a thriving business with early motherhood, there was nothing I cherished more than a cuddle with my sleepy babies in the middle of the night. No matter how long my day, if either of them woke crying I would bring them, freshly changed and fed, into our bed. There, I would drink in their delicious baby scent and we would all drift off together. Bliss!"

Yes, clearly her priorities were about her kids well-being.

Blogger Dexter August 17, 2016 12:49 PM  

So she's like all women - a single word she interprets as criticism and the rationalization hamster goes into overdrive, she emits a huge cloud of excuses, and she blames her victim for causing feelbad.

Anonymous Susan August 17, 2016 1:01 PM  

GracieLou,

your exhibit B could be talking about Obama. In fact I kept waiting for that particular shoe to drop.

Blogger Aeoli Pera August 17, 2016 1:02 PM  

If my son did it to promote his career as a stand-up comedian, you’d think he’d have asked me — a PR guru — for advice.

This is your brain on dopamine.

Blogger Aeoli Pera August 17, 2016 1:04 PM  

Dude, if they had gold-plated pensions I could at least understand. But if Boomers had any money they would retire.

Blogger GracieLou August 17, 2016 1:17 PM  

Susan,

Exhibit B LOVES Obama! She worked on his campaigns. She kept a copy of the hope/change poster in her window, for years.

Once, during her Chicago "experience" Obama came to town. She got up at the butt crack o'dawn to stand on the street to watch the motorcade. "You know what's really weird?" She said, "Nobody else was there!" Like, wow, what's up with that?

I could go on forever!

She did some sub-teaching in the inner-city, got her phone stolen, cried every day..now only teaches in lily-white places, calls the kids there "racists."

Says she regrets being in Africa and missing Occupy Wallstreet. Is blind deaf and dumb to Wall Street Hillary connection. Says Trump cannot be president for saying if his daughter wasn't his daughter, he'd date her.

First she says "We really have to help the refugees." Then goes quiet about it. Then says Hillary won't REALLY bring in all those Muslims. I show her where Hillary says she'll bring in all those Muslims. She goes quiet. Trumps said he'd do his daughter!!! K...



Blogger epobirs August 17, 2016 1:19 PM  

She seems to be oblivious the fact that Edina Monsoon was a terrible mother, having left much of her two children's upbringing to her own mother. You never see the son but he is vaguely referenced a few times in the series, mostly to the extent of Saffron telling Edina, "He isn't coming back." I cannot recall if they ever went into any detail about it but he apparently left home at the earliest opportunity.

Blogger michael savell August 17, 2016 1:40 PM  

In the UK the fact is that the old are left to die with a small back up coming from part time government carers.Sons and daughters don't want to know and never visit.How are they worth inheriting anything since it is the rest of us who have to pay for care

Anonymous BGKB August 17, 2016 1:45 PM  

Lots of gays and fag hags like AbFab. It's actually sad seeing fag hags spending money on gays, because they can be seen with hotter guys then they would ever date. A friend in a gaming group I was in told me he and his wife(stay at home but no kids) took in a young gay guy whose parents kicked him out, I told him to lay down ground rules to make sure he is either going to school or work so he doesn't end up going shoping all day with his wife while he worked. He didn't think it was a big deal, but she divorced him to become a fag hag with his alimony. I have told fag hags before that gays don't respect them but some will spend over $100 on a weekend night on other peoples drinks with no chance of them finding a mate.

Blogger SirHamster August 17, 2016 1:58 PM  

Gunnar von Cowtown wrote:In case anyone's interested, here's Joshua Howie's initial article.

The comments there have a few examples like his mother's response. Guilty.

Blogger Nigel McPhearson August 17, 2016 2:05 PM  

I'm not so sure about that. I was born in 72 in the NYC metro area and I remember how rare it was for most of my friends to not have their moms around after school. It was only really the upper middle class families and the Jewish families. Those were the same families that sent their kids to camp all Sumer too. To me it seemed like they didn't want the kids around.

Blogger J Van Stry August 17, 2016 2:32 PM  

I worked with a woman once who not only was on the fast track to being a VP at HP, but she ran her family's company on the side.

She quit one day and took a regular 40 hour a week job (which was where I met her, she was a great lady and very smart). I asked her why she did it, and she told me it was because she couldn't stand the fact that her children were growing up without her.
She put them first.

You don't see a lot of that these days, or even back then (this was in the early 90's). She could have stayed on the corporate ladder and made millions, but she put her children and her husband before her career, and to be honest, she looked a lot happier for it. Our company was so happy to have her, that they often looked the other way when she took off to spend time with her kids. Considering how much work she produced when she was in the office, no one minded at all.

OpenID peppermintfrosted August 17, 2016 2:34 PM  

The "sexism" meme was invented by Boomers and will die with them.

Blogger GracieLou August 17, 2016 2:42 PM  

Big Gay;

That must be how gay guys are buying my art. I have seriously never sold a painting to anyone other than a gay male. It's a mystery. Is it a love of original art, disposable incomes--good nursing jobs--fag hag underwriting OR just something about my work that appeals to gay guys? I understand the male nudes, okay. But I sold those a long time ago and they continue to snap up the other stuff and commission pet portraits. I don't get it. But anyway, in some cases I guess it is possible for a woman to make money off gay guys.

Anonymous Headcannon August 17, 2016 2:43 PM  

You've come a long way, baby!

Have fun in the old folks home.

OpenID peppermintfrosted August 17, 2016 2:44 PM  

Radish: Raising a child is a learned skill, which takes the entire childhood to study.

Bullshit. Motherhood and fatherhood are in pur genes (and fatherhood is very different in the genes of West Africans than Whites).

If you're not going to be sexist and racist enough to recognize that much of human behavior, especially behavior that is shared with many other animals, isn't learned but instinctive, why are you even here?

Motherhood exists in all mammals and birds, fatherhood in some of them. Whites, like penguins, instinctively want nuclear families and need extensive brainwashing, incentives, and naked government force to stop them.

Anonymous Godfrey August 17, 2016 2:48 PM  

Feminism's true motto:


Albrecht Macht Frei


Blogger Were-Puppy August 17, 2016 3:17 PM  

@46 Starbuck

So all you with Baby Boomer parents, are you ok with clowns like bob here trying to kill your parents?
---

TRIGGERED! Pretty sure he was joking there, that's the way I took it

Blogger Were-Puppy August 17, 2016 3:27 PM  

@54 JDC

Your professional accomplishments will not be remembered or valued by your children when you are lowered into the ground.
---

That's sad. I have a Silent aunt who gets mad sometimes and rants about how she won all these awards at work and blah blah blah. As if any of that matters now.

Anonymous Darwin is a Harsh Mistress August 17, 2016 3:36 PM  

37 Patroclus

For the good of my children and wife, I am not retaliating.

I am an older Xer, raised by Silent Era/War Baby parents whose own parents were older during "The War" but participated in that capacity.

I married older, when I could afford it (no snide comments, please!). My wife is also an Xer raised by vacuous parents comparable to my own but with backgrounds more like the social climbing Greatest Generation.

From almost the first seconds of our marriage, it was hell on earth. The day came when I could no longer tolerate the abuse and threats against me, using my children as a bludgeon, and I let her have it with both rhetorical barrels. I'm talking more than dread game I'm talking "I don't give a fuck about you anymore but if you do this to me and my children I won't rest until I destroy you even if it go to the bottom right with you."

Let us say there was an immediate attitude adjustment. But not enough.

One day I discovered, quite innocently, a letter from MIL encouraging her daughter in her schemes. Another double-barrelled session (lots of them inbetween) that laying more of her lies bare for all to see. It also produced a shocking confession that FIL had a notorious affair with an old flame when wifey was in high school, humiliating MIL etc etc. MIL stayed married but with the concession of leading FIL around by his nutsack. This explained the rest of the puzzle.

When MIL came for an extended visit a few weeks later, I let MIL and FIL have it with a rhetorical Howitzer. FIL was wise enough to sit there and endure it as he was exposed for the useless cuck he was (not perfect analogy under the circumstances). MIL attempted some feeble excuses but they were useless against the righteous fury of truth delivered by a backbone.

MIL has not had the nerve to face me or even speak to me since, some two years hence. All talk of divorce and police and taking the kids came to a screeching halt. Wifey made impressive strides to unwinding a lifetime of Special Snowflake Bitch, enough that I no longer wonder if my family will be home when I come home off the road.

LESSONS LEARNED: a buddy of mine, a true guitar playing rock-n-roll Boomer underwent a similar trial at the same time. He refused to fight and now lives on the other side of the country and hasn't seen his (older) boys in months. His ex was boning guys all along and got the house etc etc.

PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH IS A WINNING STRATEGY. TELL YOUR MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A SO-CALLED WIFE TO GET THE HELL IN LINE OR ELSE and then DO IT, either way.

If she bails you'll have your self-respect and knowledge that you acted like a man, facing the consequences of your actions just the same. If she stays, you'll have an actual wife.

Either way, your kids will understand when they are old enough and they will thank and admire you for doing what a man's got to do.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash August 17, 2016 3:41 PM  

Were-Puppy wrote:That's sad. I have a Silent aunt who gets mad sometimes and rants about how she won all these awards at work and blah blah blah. As if any of that matters now.
If you've been out of the office for more than a year, those people won't even be at your funeral.

Blogger Anchorman August 17, 2016 3:52 PM  

I'll second Darwin's advice.

I lived in a dead marriage with a wife that constantly threatened divorce. I did all that was asked, in respect to counseling, servant-leader, etc.

All that bought me zero good will with the MIL and the ex when she had a chance to use the family court system against me.

Maybe it's because I recovered quickly that I'm suggesting it. However, I was miserable at times because of how trapped I felt.

She used my love for my children against me, because she knew I'd back down before I let something happen to the kids, like divorce.

It gained nothing and now that I'm free - I returned to my natural state (with the help of the RP) and I'm ten times happier.

I still have to deal with her BS until the children are 18, but I get to close the door, not answer the phone, and meet women who - surprise - like me and find me attractive.

Living under THREATPOINT isn't helping anyone.

Blogger Anchorman August 17, 2016 4:02 PM  

One more thing. After the divorce, when I had my children, they saw me as who I am and not the guy I was pretending/bring forced to be during marriage.

like I said, I returned to my natural state. Before I was married, I was carefree, cocky, and had a lifetime of fun from 18-28.

Now, my sons see a man who doesn't freak about the petty shit I had to deal with or hear their mom go on for an hour about.

We eat non-processed food, we watch stupid comedies, we play video games together or share insight, and my oldest developed a sharp political mind after years of perusing my shelves of books.

There's no way I'd go back to that life.

Have it out with her. Make an exit plan. Be the dad you want to be and your kids will gravitate. Mine did, despite 5-7 years of my ex dripping verbal poison into their ears.

Anonymous Jill August 17, 2016 4:33 PM  

I'm actually very interested in my family members' work accomplishments. It's part of the connection I have with them. It's also part of their story, which I find interesting. Parents and grandparents--you know, they're actually real people. It's when careers become all-encompassing, such that family members are neglected because of career narcissism, that nobody cares any longer. Both my parents worked once my sister and I were in school, and I love tracing the history of their work and seeing how it related to their personalities. Even in retirement, their work relates to who they are.

Anonymous Darwin is a Harsh Mistress August 17, 2016 5:15 PM  

98 Anchorman

Yes, in our fathers' day it wasn't called Game it was called Acting Like a Man.

We need more men.

Blogger Kona Commuter August 17, 2016 6:27 PM  

I read a book from the 80's warning about the problems that the retirement of the Baby Boomers will bring. One scenario had Boomers committing crimes in the hope of going to prison so they get 3 meals a day, health care and a roof over their head (the scenario had it that judges wouldn't send them to gaol).

Collectively we've had plenty of time to prepare but of course nothing got done and here we are, they're retiring and the party is over all bar fixing up the tab.

So what's the plan if later generations either can't or won't fix things? What if they go "Galt"? What if they decide to work just hard enough to get by and don't leave any surplus for others? I mean, they work enough to pay their bills and spend the rest of their energy pursuing hobbies / sitting on the couch / making up new genders / hiking / gardening / smoking pot?

Anonymous Thomas777 August 17, 2016 6:48 PM  

Baby Boomers, as a demographic, actually do exhibit bizarre psychological afflictions that are unique to their cohort. Chief among them is a delusional and childlike view of popular culture and its significance.

Even the intelligent ones often resort to this - Paglia comes to mind. Boomers are the only generational cohort who believe that, for example, the bubble-gum pop songs of boy band/commercial rock acts like The Beatles represent some philisophically deep, world-transforming theology, the message of which they (the Boomers) were elected to receive.

My own Generation (Gen X) may be full of cretins and nihilistic losers, but I have yet to meet anybody my age who believes that Axl Rose was a grand Lama or philosopher or who believe that they altered the course of world history by going to Lollapalooza and smoking some herb.

Blogger Lovekraft August 17, 2016 6:59 PM  

@102: they make Dylan, Neil Young etc out to be prophets when in reality they failed in the end to unplug.

I recommend (yet again) you watch the movie "Beyond the Black Rainbow" (try Netflix or putlocker).

It is set in the 1980s, with events therein being the result of 1960s New Age consciousness-raising gone horribly wrong. Very new wave vibe.

Blogger Lovekraft August 17, 2016 7:02 PM  

A blog that helped me deal with parents' divorce in my teens was "A Shrink for Men". A ton of articles written by Dr. Palmatier on a wide range of subjects. This blog put to words the vague and heavy notion of resentment.

Blogger Forbes August 17, 2016 7:41 PM  

Is it Baby Boomer parents or working mothers that is the problem here? Seems to me it's the working mother attributes--which isn't solely an attribute of Boomers.

Anonymous Cassie August 17, 2016 7:56 PM  

I don't buy the argument that someone whose parents weren't good role models for parenting shouldn't have kids. The fact that you recognize that you're lacking good role models in your own childhood means you're likely to be a good parent yourself if you try - because you're self aware enough to know you need to consciously seek out good parenting models to copy rather than just repeating what happened to you. And in the information age there's no excuse, the resources are right there at your fingertips!

And as far as emotional bonding goes, that is biological - your hormones will take care of it as long as you give them a chance, that is what they are designed to do!

Anonymous Pennywise August 17, 2016 8:07 PM  

More to Cassie's point, to blame the majority of parents from a particular generation or working women for today's issues seems rather short sighted.

Anonymous Sheik Yerbouty August 17, 2016 8:24 PM  

Meh, you'll know baby boomers were bad parents if mils start complaining how they should have received warnings about blacks. My guess is more mils have complaints about their BB teachers than about their parents.

Anonymous WaterBoy August 17, 2016 8:37 PM  

Thomas777 @102: "but I have yet to meet anybody my age who believes that Axl Rose was a grand Lama or philosopher"

No, because Axl is a Boomer.

Instead, they say it of Kurt Cobain....

Anonymous Darwin is a Harsh Mistress August 17, 2016 8:42 PM  

It's not so much "working mothers" but the circumstances of her employment. My father's mother was forced into employment when his father mine was shut down and lost his job in the 1950s. Grandmother took work as a lowly cleaning lady while grandfather found work in New York City and, foreshadowing modern road-warriors, stayed all week in a flop, coming home on weekends.

Contrast with a mother who works voluntarily, perhaps to fund a vacation house or other luxury or, more fitting to the discussion, to provide herself an independent income and therefore "options."

The first is not good but necessary to survive while the latter is selfishness at the kid's expense, per the article.

It must really suck to know you are less valuable than a second house or the BMW.

Blogger ChickenChicken Sweep August 17, 2016 11:54 PM  

@109 - Instead, they say it of Kurt Cobain....

The real dunderheads say it about fucking Tupac.


@54 - Your professional accomplishments will not be remembered or valued by your children when you are lowered into the ground.

Most of those accomplishments won't be remembered tomorrow. "Landed the Flinkheimer account? Great. What are you going to do to make the company some money this week?"


@31 - You'd think Yankee Candle would have this covered already.

They're probably afraid of the negative PR when the kid-touchers start ordering by the gross.

Blogger Ceerilan August 18, 2016 4:01 PM  

What got me is the utter surprise with which Lynne Franks says she had at her son's article. That article described his parenting method as screaming "this is how you raise a child". Can a woman really be that dense as to ignore the subtext? Women are supposedly superior communicators. The only possible conclusion (other than the popular PR scam view) is that women's skill in communication is outstripped by their talent for telling themselves what they want to hear. This is prime fodder for actual misogynists to represent women as vapid, selfish creatures who should be drummed out of rightly male spaces.

Blogger campbreeze August 18, 2016 11:18 PM  

Love is a verb, not a feeling. This poor woman has no idea.

"...meant not being home in time to cook my children’s supper, but that didn’t mean I loved them any less fiercely"

Blogger Dirk Manly August 18, 2016 11:35 PM  

@37

"The arrogance and entitlement have been quite breathtaking. For the good of my children and wife, I am not retaliating. (Not yet, anyway.)"


In that case, they will NEVER stop until they succeed in doing their evil.

Evil people NEVER stop their evil deeds unless AND UNTIL it hurts and costs them TOO MUCH to continue to do so.

The longer you delay in engineering some sort of pain amongst all of them as a reward for their meddling, the more chance they have of succeeding.

NEVER let evil deeds go unpunished. NEVER.

Blogger Dirk Manly August 18, 2016 11:50 PM  

@46


"So all you with Baby Boomer parents, are you ok with clowns like bob here trying to kill your parents?"

Years ago, there was a faddish idea going around, "leaving your kids an inheritance will just make them soft." why my BPD-ish father seems to have latched onto (despite the fact that my parents got significant inheritences from my grandparents).

My parents are late Silents, but as they age demonstrate more and more Boomer traits (at one point, by dad was talking about leaving ALL of his assets to their church. Within 2 years of that comment, rogue elements within the senior leadership drove off half the congregation, and what was left was severely split -- so I hope that has dispelled his idea of (if mom should die first) of leaving all assets to any organization... but I'm still quite sure that, despite the fact that he's ALL FOR the idiotic free trade agreements, and more H1-B's that have absolutely destroyed my career (so he can have a few more $ in the bank)... I get the feeling he won't leave me more than enough to by a late model used car...and probably a bit more to my brother....and will throw away the rest to charities who will use it for who knows what nefarious purposes.

Blogger Dirk Manly August 18, 2016 11:51 PM  

So to answer your question...

Sure... go ahead. They certainly don't really care about what happens to my brother and me after they die.

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