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Friday, August 04, 2017

Steve on Star Trek

This was simply too beatifully contemptuous not to highlight.

Star Trek is just the UFP's version of Pravda, making their lycra-clad goons and minions out to be heroes and geniuses. But they weren't, were they?

Picard: pompous slaphead who repeatedly got clowned on his own ship by Q, allowed himself to be captured at least twice - one of those times saw him giving vital intelligence to the Borg and lead directly to the deaths of millions of Federation citizens and servicemen.

Riker: this guy was offered his own command, but turned it down. That's a huge red flag right there, but it gets worse. He stuffed himself with space doughnuts until potatohead O'Brien had to grease the Jeffries tubes, and let his dopey girlfriend cuck him with Worf. Whenever you saw Riker interact with fellow crewmen it was just awkward and unpleasant, he's a weird, insecure, unlikeable fatbeard who keeps annoying the crew with his shitty saxophone like he's Bill Clinton or something. Even his own dad hated him.

Worf: the special-needs Klingon, too stupid to live. A badass in his own mind who kept losing fist fights and could be easily tricked by small children or Data's cat. No wonder the other Klingons wouldn't let poor Worfy join in any Klingon games.

Dr Crusher: if she was such a good doctor, why was her husband dead? Check and mate. Spawned Wil Wheaton and had space sex with a space ghost that had previously serviced her grandmother. I'm not sure which is more shameful.

Data: autistic RealDoll who should've been recycled as something marginally more useful, such as a vending machine selling jumbo-sized adult diapers to David Gerrold.

Geordi LaForge: handicapped sex-pest who cyberstalked the woman who designed the Enterprise and only avoided an HR investigation because he's black.

This was, mind you, the finest crew in Starfleet, which leads me to deduce the other ships were full of window-licking retards like Janeway.

In the meantime, much respect to ST:D, which is the first science fiction television show to make ALL of the characters GLBT. This is real progress I'm sure we can all support.

Labels:

100 Comments:

Anonymous Pope Cleophus I August 04, 2017 7:37 AM  

OMG! That has me laughing so hard. It is a good thing I drank my coffee before I read this. This really sums up the "thousand points of light" Star Trek cast. I was never big on the original run from the 1960's and I watched TNG in reruns. The series with the most promise was Deep Space Nine and Chris Berman managed to screw it over with one save the universe story line after another. Obviously he never heard of a story arc.

Anonymous 5343 Kinds of Deplorable August 04, 2017 7:37 AM  

[takes the knee in sheer awe]

Blogger RobertDWood August 04, 2017 7:41 AM  

Dr. Troi, when you have to deal with a mother like hers the whole package becomes a -2.

Blogger Whisker biscuit August 04, 2017 7:41 AM  

A million nerds just wept.

Anonymous Basket of Deplorables August 04, 2017 7:49 AM  

I hate to sperg out, but will anyway. That was the spin off/sequel, which is not Star Trek. None of the spin offs managed to rise to a pale moon cast shadow of the original. The original Star Trek dealt with philosophical and moral quandaries and conundrums (albeit sometimes badly), the spin offs just aped the tropes.

Q and Worf are just a sad pathetic shadow Spock to do the emotionless logic thing and the alien among us thing etc. Would love to see a comparable take down of the original...but I think it would be a lot harder. Some (uhura and sulu) would be easy enough, but what to do with Scotty and McCoy?

Blogger Cataline Sergius August 04, 2017 7:57 AM  

This was, mind you, the finest crew in Starfleet, which leads me to deduce the other ships were full of window-licking retards like Janeway.

Can confirm.

Voyager was where they really dropped the mask. It was built from the ground up to be feminist Star Trek. And boy was it ever.

The men on that show were all seriously turned-on by go getting women who knew what they wanted and how to achieve it, in a man's world. Hubba-hubba!

Best of all, it didn't matter how old you were or what you looked like. You could be a middle-aged mom, a bitchy and whiney Latina with a hideously deformed forehead (yeah was soooper hot) or a ten year old girl.

All the men in that universe would want you.

I think that ten year old girl thing deserves a little more attention, don't you?



Kes was what was wrong with that show in a nutshell. 

She was a member of a species that only lived for nine years.  An alien mayfly isn't' a bad idea but the execution was terrible.  They also insisted repeatedly, that she was beautiful.  Bluntly she wasn't.

In the show's chronology she was something like five when she was introduced.  Frankly she looked it, which is a little disturbing when you remember the fact that she had on going sexual relationship with a sentient teddy bear.  She didn't have much in the way of secondary sexual characteristics. Her face was a little too masculine.  And she had that feminist favorite of a haircut, the pixie bob.

Casting was always a problem with that show but I don't' know what they were thinking there.  The whole Kes concept was weird and off putting.  On top of everything else wrong with the character she couldn't pull off a love scene with any of her male costars.  At all.  The sparks just never flew.

With anyone.

I'm afraid we now know why.

Blogger Nate August 04, 2017 7:59 AM  

fascinating isn't it... 'god' is banned from Star Trek... and yet what was Q?

Blogger Matamoros August 04, 2017 8:04 AM  

I dumped Star Trek after I realized their anti-White agenda after seeing the episode with the stripes on opposite sides of the face episode.

Blogger Orville August 04, 2017 8:08 AM  

Six of Nine was the only reason I watched Voyager. Otherwise it was incredibly lame. Black Vulcan's uppity attitude was annoying as hell. Oh, and T'Pol on STE was hotter than 6 of 9.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother August 04, 2017 8:13 AM  

No she wasn't. 6 of 9 was much hotter. You're smoking crack.

Blogger Cail Corishev August 04, 2017 8:13 AM  

Voyager was where they really dropped the mask. It was built from the ground up to be feminist Star Trek. And boy was it ever.

And it was so poorly done on top of that. I enjoyed DS9 so much, and it just kept getting better as it went, that I plowed through all of VOY on fumes and stubbornness. It never really got better, other than adding Seven's boobs. The writing was all over the place; apparently there was no one in charge of making it consistent. They missed obvious story elements like why the one character never got a field promotion or where they kept getting new shuttles to replace destroyed ones. They started with an interesting concept of two crews that hated each other stuck together on one ship (a crew of revolutionaries and the crew that had been chasing them), and then they dropped that within a few episodes.

Maybe an early example of SJW convergence damaging quality?

And Kes, from a species that lives a full lifetime in 9 years so they're sexually mature at something like 3..... Yeah, that's a little more disturbing now that we have a better idea how many pedos are in both Hollywood and sci-fi.

Blogger Duke Norfolk August 04, 2017 8:15 AM  

I always *wanted* to really get into Star Trek, but it just never grabbed me that way. All the way from TOS to all the others. I watched most of TOS when pretty young (born '63) and then some of the others, but again, they just always fell far short of being compelling enough to me.

I still like the space opera genre, but all too often when I do read one it comes up short.

Blogger Ransom Smith August 04, 2017 8:21 AM  

Looking back on Enterprise, it's a wonder that show exists.

Capt Archer : Chad water polo loving man who cucks out at times and goes full alpha at others.

Trip: southern machine loving man who race mixed with an alien (twice)

Reed: snobby brit who enjoys flaunting his centuries of breeding.

Blogger Samuel Nock August 04, 2017 8:24 AM  

First I thought "STD" was part of the meme given the sexual profiles of those described.

Anonymous Cheshirych August 04, 2017 8:25 AM  

Generations is terribly boring until B.O.R.G. comes along. This is like a bunch of western modern socialists-feminists running into a company of stalin's commies from 1937. Thats when generations got imteresting. That is what allowed it to attempt a claim to be the best star trek ever. Only thanks to borg cube.

Blogger Salt August 04, 2017 8:27 AM  

Don't forget Yar, who I think Megyn Kelly modeled her Trump induced hair after, had sex with the robot. Never saw her with anyone else. Data was miscast. Should have been Japanese.

Anonymous kHz August 04, 2017 8:28 AM  

Show's acronym is STD. Characters are all LGBT.

Best timeline confirmed.

Blogger Phillip George August 04, 2017 8:35 AM  

Somewhere in a Galaxy not far away Thermians are watching these documentaries though Vox and Picard may yet redeem himself. Put a real phazer in his hands and he'll go straight for kill setting. Launch photon torpedoes and ask questions later.



ps. the Royal Navy was once referred to as the wooden wall...
You didn't federate with Moors. The wall was the wall...


Blogger rumpole5 August 04, 2017 8:38 AM  

Um, try SEVEN of Nine. But I agree, who needed a plot when she strde onto the set. I'm getting to that stage of my life where medical nonoprobes fixing everything internally while I sleep, as on Voyager, would be a welcome development. I am amazed what Doctors can fix and heal currently, but it surely does involve a great deal of poking, cutting, inserting, and prodding

Blogger James Dixon August 04, 2017 8:39 AM  

> and yet what was Q?

Q was the grown up Trelane from "The Squire of Gothos" episode. Yeah, they'll deny it, but it's just too obvious.

Anonymous Steve August 04, 2017 8:40 AM  

I am honoured and humbled, Supreme Dark Lord.

I also haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!

Anonymous Airquote Sarctag August 04, 2017 8:42 AM  

Going back to the previous thread about God and quasi- or faux-Godlike beings on Trek -- which as people have noted has been a long-standing storytelling trope, so much so that it's almost as overused as the series' irritating time-travel obsession -- I pulled a few examples from the original series. (I've been rewatching them recently on the Heroes & Icons network which has wonderfully been airing them in original aired order in HD. The cinematography was never surpassed and actually deteriorated with TNG.)

In order of airing:

Charlie X (orphaned problem teen with supernatural / psi powers, a bit reminiscent of Billy Mumy from that Twilight Zone episode)

Where No Man Has Gone Before (on a trip to the edge of the galaxy, a buddy of Kirk's gets zapped by a weird energy beam that gives him telepathic powers, rendering him nearly godlike)

The Squire of Gothos (human-like alien being turns out to have godlike or demiurgic powers but is petulant and immature; turns out to be an actual immature example of a race of godlike energy beings, something of a prototype of "Q")

Return of the Archons (humans on a planet stuck in a 19th century Puritan level of development who worship an unseen being who controls every aspect of their lives, turns out to be a computer)

Season 2:

Catspaw (the Halloween episode; two apparently humanoid beings seem to be enacting earth-like archetypes of the Wizard and the Witch; have not-quite-godlike powers, but aren't what they seem and are the last of their kind)

Who Mourns for Adonais? (This is the one with the giant Greek god who is actually, again, the last of his kind, and an alien being; Kirk makes some quip about humans not needing gods anymore, and is a little wistful when Adonis commits suicide by dissolution -- "would it have hurt us to offer a few laurel wreaths?")

The Apple (a tribe of neolithic primitives on a Eden-like primitives obeys the dictates of an invisible entity, which -- as in Return of the Archons -- turns out to be another ancient supercomputer god or demiurge; Kirk destroys the computer, insisting that the people must learn to decide their own destiny)

Season 3: Various powerful aliens, but none that I would consider "godlike" as in the first two seasons. YMMV.

http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/TOS_Season_1



Blogger Cail Corishev August 04, 2017 8:53 AM  

Don't forget Yar, who I think Megyn Kelly modeled her Trump induced hair after, had sex with the robot. Never saw her with anyone else.

She was killed by a tar monster so she could pursue a movie career, starring in such quality films as Mutant Species.

Funny thing is, the original plan for TNG was supposed to involve a certain amount of free love along with the rest of the 1960s politics. But it was the 1980s and people weren't really into that anymore, plus it didn't fit with the stuffed-shirt nature of the crew, so it never happened. There was just a nod to it once in a while. I think they had intended for Yar to be a sort of sex-positive feminist, but when that didn't happen, they didn't have much to do with her character, so she left.

If you thought Yar's androgynous haircut was bad, you should see the unisex skirts they originally intended to have the whole crew wear. They only made it onto men on the show once or twice on background characters, thankfully.

Anonymous Cheshirych August 04, 2017 8:57 AM  

Q was a plot device... To introduce BORG.

Anonymous Johnny Mayonnaise August 04, 2017 9:04 AM  

Riker played the trombone, not the saxophone. They attempted to make it look sexy while he played it, but hey ... it's the trombone.

Did anyone else notice that, at times, Riker tried to walk like John Wayne?

Blogger Dave August 04, 2017 9:04 AM  

Impressive; and only one cat mention.

Anonymous Koanic August 04, 2017 9:09 AM  

You know, I never watched Gay UN in Space.

Probably I was inoculated too early against it by Saberhagen's "Berserker Kill!"

Some part of me would enjoy watching every single member of Star Trek's versions get crushed beneath Berserker treads, but I can't think of a way to make it last long enough to yield an episode's worth of sadism.

Anonymous Cheshirych August 04, 2017 9:18 AM  

Number One. Go take number two (c)

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener August 04, 2017 9:19 AM  

The Star Trek franchise hasn't produced a decent movie since 1982. And a parody of Star Trek - Galaxy Quest - was better than every Star Trek movie except possibly Wrath of Khan.

Blogger Ken Prescott August 04, 2017 9:20 AM  

That was the plot of one of the TNG novels--that also explained the Galactic Energy Barrier.

That's when I realized that TNG ducked, because the novels were MUCH better. TV shows should not work that way.

Blogger Ken Prescott August 04, 2017 9:26 AM  

Crosby originally auditioned for the Deanna Troi part, and I think she would have worked out better than Marina Sirtis' Counselor Cleavage--she almost certainly would have been much more professional.

Anonymous Jeff August 04, 2017 9:33 AM  

I watched Voyageur pre-red pill, and confess I might have even shed at tear when they finally made it home.

Please forgive me, Dark Lord.


Anonymous Dyskord01 August 04, 2017 9:34 AM  

We all already know the routine and STD is gonna follow it unerringly.

First the initial bump as SJW's and journalists do everything possible to boost the ratings.
Then the slump as the SJW's stop watching and the real numbers start showing.
Followed by the backlash against the raciss redneck misogynist phobes unable to grasp the genius of the show or its writers.
Then when the Pravda learn no one is buying the BS they'll start explaining why it failed. i.e its not Diverse enough, failed to communicate its ideas, was ahead of its time or behind it etc
Finally STD will be a anchor around the neck of tv studio who will blame Star Trek for being washed out and the fans for reasons already stated.

Anonymous VFM #6306 August 04, 2017 9:37 AM  

Every time Riker sat down in a chair, he mounted it like a horse.

It was weird.

Anonymous Johnny Mayonnaise August 04, 2017 9:37 AM  

In the episode "The Ultimate Computer," the character of Richard Daystrom is played by a black actor. Daystrom goes a bit psycho, gets a Vulcan nerve pinch, and is sent off to a rehabilitation center.

Fun!

Contrast that with today's black characters, nearly all of whom are presented as perfect. That also makes them tedious, bland, and boring.

Blogger Mr.MantraMan August 04, 2017 9:42 AM  

We could do the usual "conservative outrage" BS which is way off the scale FAIL, or encourage them to go faster deeper and harder with their SJW clown antics.

I myself vote for the second option, but I understand that many who have been raised on being outraged feel the need for it and a few dozen essays on what the Left really means and how they are wrong well only slightly wrong and they really are secret conservatives and it will all be better.

I think the gay character needs a tribble up the colon.

Blogger Noah B The Savage Gardener August 04, 2017 9:48 AM  

@36 Sanitized depictions of gay characters only reinforce heterosexual privilege. Star Trek needs to go full interspecies gay porn in space, and anything less is hateful bigotry.

Blogger The Morrigan August 04, 2017 9:48 AM  

Crosby posed in one of the girly mags too.

Hailing frequencies open!

Anonymous JC NRA August 04, 2017 9:53 AM  

OT: Antidote to this Star Trek Diversity? How about Bruce Willis in remake of Death Wish, set in Shitcago?

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2017/08/03/sjws-melt-death-wish-trailer-alt-right-racist-nakedly-fascist/

"so nakedly fascist that alt-righters will have an erection before the trailer ends."

Obviously not fascist, but can confirm the erection part.

Anonymous kfg August 04, 2017 9:57 AM  

"They attempted to make it look sexy while he played it, but hey ... it's the trombone."

An instrument so lame that they had to rebrand it, because even losers didn't want to play something called a sackbut.

Blogger Avalanche August 04, 2017 10:04 AM  

@25 'Did anyone else notice that, at times, Riker tried to walk like John Wayne?"

Oh. I figured that was just a rash from his 'alien encounters.'

Blogger Avalanche August 04, 2017 10:06 AM  

@34 "Every time Riker sat down in a chair, he mounted it like a horse."

Yeah, it was the rash.

Blogger Krul August 04, 2017 10:06 AM  

"Riker: this guy was offered his own command, but turned it down."

WHAT?!?!

Anonymous fop August 04, 2017 10:14 AM  

Mmmmm. Space doughnuts.

Blogger Whisker biscuit August 04, 2017 10:48 AM  

I bet the burglars who kill his wife are white....no way they'll be played by a minority..

Blogger horsewithnonick August 04, 2017 10:59 AM  

In Bread and Circuses, a TOS episode featuring a Roman Empire with 20th century technology, the underground that helps Kirk, Spock and McCoy escape, are at first thought by the Enterprise party to be sun worshippers; at the end of the episode it is revealed that they misheard the registers, who were Son-worshippers -
basically Christians - in space.

The whole "no-mentioning-god" stuff is modern SJW claptrap. Which anybody who wasn't already on board knew instantly.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer August 04, 2017 11:01 AM  

And then there was that whole Minuet thing.

"Oh Hi Captain, please walk right into my masturbation fantasy. This is Minuet, a walking, talking sex doll I plan on boning."

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer August 04, 2017 11:06 AM  

Oh, and that trailer is awesome.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer August 04, 2017 11:08 AM  

Picard: "Well number one, I must say, you have very good taste in sex toys. I especially like the fact that she speaks French."

Blogger Nakota Publishing August 04, 2017 11:09 AM  

The first series' PC moments were OK, because our overall culture was not PC and Trek was pushing back at its excesses. For example, my takeaway from the black-white face episode was "racism is arbitrary and stupid" not "whites are bad."
TNG is when it started to get silly. The episode where the living crystals called the humans "ugly bags of mostly water" and the crew didn't push back was quite annoying. (Hey crystals, appearance shaming is not cool!) Perhaps the dumbest was the moment on DS9 when Sisco gave a speech about racism. Theoretically, after centuries of intermixing, he would be an amalgam of at least 57 ethnicities, and the Jim Crow issue would be like some medieval war between Saxons and Bavarians, barely remembered.
That said, the Ferengi were my heroes. And I don't care what anyone says, Troi was hot.

Anonymous Jill August 04, 2017 11:10 AM  

Data is a poor misunderstood soul, and I really admire his complexion, too.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer August 04, 2017 11:12 AM  

"Thank you captain. In addition to speaking French, she is kinda of sentient, which makes her a slave who can never aspire to freedom. Which I also find kind of sexy."

Anonymous BBGKB August 04, 2017 11:12 AM  

Star Trek needs to go full interspecies gay porn in space, and anything less is hateful bigotry.

Well in STD the redhead from rent is the boyfriend of the Star War's Sand People medical doctor.

Anonymous Ain August 04, 2017 11:12 AM  

Cataline Sergius: "Frankly she looked it, which is a little disturbing when you remember the fact that she had on going sexual relationship with a sentient teddy bear."

Teddy bears are code for child molesters. It's all over GTA V, too.

Blogger Gordon August 04, 2017 11:25 AM  

Denise Crosby's character did get a bit frisky in the episode where the beautiful people screwed all day when they weren't jogging around and Picard drags some poor guy up to Enterprise to yell in an Edward G. Robinson voice, "There, see yer god there? He's just a spaceship. Whaddaya think of your god now?"

And they could have killed off Wesley for breaking some cold garden frame, and all Picard would have had to say is, "hey, can't interfere, prime directive you know." But he wussed out because he was hot for Wesley's mom.

As I recall, she described the planet's culture as, "They have sex at the drop of a hat. (visibly drooling) Any hat."

Anonymous aegis-1080 August 04, 2017 11:49 AM  

You know, I found the Trekkie's hate for Voyager hilarious. Is so obvious that they wanted Feminist Hero Janeway and her 2 beta bitches (the asian and the black vulcan) to be the greatest and most diverse ST ever.....and it sucked.

They wanted it to be good so badly, and it wasn't, specially compared to even Deep Space 9, that at least had the balls to call Picard for being an incompetent piece of shit that got people killed.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash August 04, 2017 11:50 AM  

GamerGate OT:
FemFreq has started a whisper campaign against Polygon's Nick Robinson.

Anonymous kfg August 04, 2017 11:56 AM  

"And then there was that whole Minuet thing."

Had to look it up. It looks like Riker in drag.

Blogger Starboard August 04, 2017 12:03 PM  

I liked Star Trek Next Gen and sort of liked Voyager at the time, but I always understood it was a guilty nerdy pleasure. The shows were written with the barest of frameworks so that the fans could write themselves in. Why would anyone brave enough to join starfleet, wield phasers, and engage in space battles be afraid of telling a woman he liked her? The professional stoicism I liked wasn't based on self discipline but on fear. Teenage fear. Teenage gamma fear. Watching it now is one creepy awkward episode after another. To find out it's loved by pedophiles is the final nail in the coffin. Although looking back, I'm not surprised.

The gamma is as bad as that 80's movie, Roxanne. Secret King (Steve Martin) worships Worthy Lady (Daryl Hannah) but is friend zoned in favor of "Hunky" fireman (?) until she finally realizes Secret King's true worth blah blah blah. Why would hunky firemen be afraid of women? Because he's also stupid. Sigh. And what I thought was funny then turns out to be snark.

Alt-Right Truth and maturity have ruined my teenage favorites.

Blogger Nate73 August 04, 2017 12:03 PM  

It's interesting timing to bring this up, because I'd already been rewatching some old episodes and thinking "Man what's up with sex on this show?". In that, not only do the women tend to dress very asexually with the exception of Troi, but the same kind of oddities you see in GRRM start cropping up.

First, serious relationships don't happen. Period. Characters are shown having one-night stands and brief liaisons that last one episode, or even being forcibly impregnated by aliens. But the post-TOS shows would always wait until the last season for characters to pursue serious relationships (e.g. Worf, Odo, Sisko, 7 of 9).

Second, the post-TOS shows (TNG,DS9,VOY) all have really weird themes around romance. For example the episode "The Dauphin" on TNG involves Wesley's first love, who turns out to have the ability to transform into a monster (she saves him from another monster in a weirdly r-selected scene where he cowers in the corner). In the same episode Worf talks about Klingon sex which involves having heavy objects thrown at you. And Picard tries to sex an intern (a subordinate) but then nobly breaks up with her to save her from danger or something. It's just... weird.

Finally, contrary to what some people said in the previous thread the show did address the idea that the Holodeck would be used mainly for sex. They addressed it by 1) shaming a male character for being a pathetic loser for doing it ("Hollow Pursuits", another bizarre episode where in one scene the loser fantasizes about punching his boss and seducing Troi right afterward). And 2) justifying a female character who simply is lonely for doing it ("Fair Haven").

Blogger Snidely Whiplash August 04, 2017 12:08 PM  

kfg wrote:"And then there was that whole Minuet thing."

Had to look it up. It looks like Riker in drag.

Me too, I never watched TNG.
Minuet is pretty clearly patterned on Riker's mother.

Blogger papabear August 04, 2017 12:13 PM  

39. With Eli Roth involved and Bruce Willis hamming it up, the remake probably doesn't compare to the original.

Anonymous Orville August 04, 2017 12:15 PM  

Um, try SEVEN of Nine.

Sperg. Ask your friends about 69.

Blogger Starboard August 04, 2017 12:23 PM  

Riker was offered his own command?

Blogger Student in Blue August 04, 2017 12:40 PM  

Riker was offered his own command?

Must've been a typo.

Blogger Jeff Weimer August 04, 2017 12:42 PM  

"...had space sex with a space ghost that had previously serviced her grandmother."

That's when I got pissed off about the last season of TNG.

"WTF is this shit? We've only got *so many* new episodes left and they went with a Harlequin fucking romance?"

Blogger Jeff Weimer August 04, 2017 12:45 PM  

@64 - Multiple times. Apparently he finally took one off-camera as he was an Admiral in "All Good Things..."

But that was still BS as he was the XO of the -E after he destroyed -D (in AGT with an extra nacelle). So he was probably always a beta and retired as a CAPT without command experience.

Anonymous BluePony August 04, 2017 1:03 PM  

"And they could have killed off Wesley for breaking some cold garden frame, and all Picard would have had to say is, "hey, can't interfere, prime directive you know." But he wussed out because he was hot for Wesley's mom."

As bad as Wesley was, I sided with Picard. Stupid planet was stupid. I'd have found a way to bust up the alien whatsis and bombed the planet's surface to dust.

"Oh, sorry, but you violated by law against not having stupid ass laws. Oh, you didn't know about that law? Ha ha! As you said, ignorance of the law is not an excuse. Another round of antimatter bombs, Mr. Worf, if you please. I'll be in the holodeck running greeslavegirlx2.holo. I always enjoy a good shag after some ultraviolence."

Blogger Starboard August 04, 2017 1:04 PM  

@60. I think they saved the serious relationships for the last season of each show to keep their narrative options open. Who would Troi choose? Riker or Worf? Who would Kes choose? Neelix or Paris? Would Blana and Paris make it? I'm not proud of the fact that I wandered into a Voyager Chat room in the late 90's, but I can report that the trekkies were arguing every conceivable match up possible. It was a proto-feelz group full of possibilities for maximum catharsis. People make fun of classic literature for the maudlin portrayal of love, but teh feelz crowd is as bad or worse.

Anonymous Jeff August 04, 2017 1:06 PM  

Um, try SEVEN of Nine.

Sperg. Ask your friends about 69.


There are nine grandchildren on our side of the family. The seventh granddaughter has been dubbed Seven of Nine.

Not sure the sixth would appreciate a similar moniker.

Anonymous Michael Maier August 04, 2017 1:10 PM  

With Eli Roth involved and Bruce Willis hamming it up, the remake probably doesn't compare to the original.

The trailer looks as though the movie might actually be badass. I really wish the trailer-makers would be more coy, though. They could have put the merest hints of the action sequences.

I know I could make better trailers than Hollywood. Most of the time, they ruin half the movie's dramatic sequences by the time those two minutes are over.

Blogger lowercaseb August 04, 2017 1:10 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous Luke August 04, 2017 1:11 PM  

5. Basket of Deplorables August 04, 2017 7:49 AM

"Would love to see a comparable take down of the original...but I think it would be a lot harder. Some (uhura and sulu) would be easy enough, but what to do with Scotty and McCoy?"

Go watch the movie "Galaxy Quest". Done.

Blogger lowercaseb August 04, 2017 1:15 PM  

Mr.MantraMan wrote:encourage them to go faster deeper and harder with their SJW clown antics.

That has a lot of potential. I bet you could get a full-on SLW civil war if you complained bitterly enough that STD does not go far enough.

Why was Star Trek were allowing a Bi character instead of replacing THEM with a full gay character. The lesbians are too lipstick lesbian, and that the gay captain is to white/cis gay...and too fit. Why isn't there any fat positive character in the future? Why is there no representation for the bug-chasers in the gay community? Obviously in the future they must have brought HIV under control and allowed it to live with the human, allowing it to become sentient and live within the human body...

...you get the gist. Time for me to create some alts and start Shitlording.

Blogger Jeff Weimer August 04, 2017 1:22 PM  

@69 - and then Worf dropped her like a bad habit and married the hot symbiote chick on DS9.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash August 04, 2017 1:41 PM  

Jeff Weimer wrote:the hot symbiote chick on DS9.
the "hot" symbiote chick.
Sorry, Jadzia didn't come close to hot. Mannish, domineering, demanding, annoying, peevish, Mary Sue, yes. The Dax excels at all things, as the Vortigaunt would say. But not hot.

Blogger Skylark Thibedeau August 04, 2017 1:52 PM  

I remember the Great Tribble Mousing Epidemic on Outpost Babel circa Stardate 071020.18. Who knew those little critters could find food in THERE. We had officers and diplomats walking around for days leaving a trail of baby furries behind them.

Blogger GracieLou August 04, 2017 2:07 PM  

Enterprise had some good things going for it, Trip and Archer were actual men's men and the Dr. in a weird way, reminded me of a brilliant pot-head I dated in the 80's who would have totally described a dog as a subservient quadra-ped. but Reed wasn't convincing as Security, too much of a flamer and the women (!) were breathtakingly cold and bitchy. Surely medical advancements would have cured PMS by the 22nd century.

Then ugh, they snuck in a gay story-line where mind-melding is a sodomy-like taboo on Vulcan and invented a mind-meld disease like AIDS. At that point it ceased being entertainment.

On Facebook they had a quiz "Which Trek Character Are You?" original and a TNG version. I made my husband take it.
He got Uhura and Picard, "Hahahah" I howled, "that's so true!"

I got McCoy and Q. "What? that's not right."

"Mmmmhmmmm" he sang as he sipped his Earl Grey, hot.

Blogger Revelation Means Hope August 04, 2017 2:31 PM  

The whole crap about Riker being frequently offered his own command but turning it down so that he could stay on the flagship under Picard was the stupidest of character motives. Which is saying something in the ST universe.

Data's whole Pinnochio thing was at least understandable, although annoying how he'd have all these great capabilities that would be discovered now and then but then disappear by the next episode. I cannot watch any of the Generations episodes now. The red pill utterly wrecked the entire show, even the Q episodes. Ironically the only character who didn't consistently annoy me was Geordi's, until the cyperstalking episode.

Blogger Revelation Means Hope August 04, 2017 2:38 PM  

For Death Wish reboot, I deeply wish they would hold true to the original in one key area.
Use very few bullets. Make his character believable as an untrained but very smart vigilante.

The focus shouldn't be on the guns, or his cleverness. It should be on his mental journey into the vigilante mindset. But i'm 90% certain they will make it into another DieHard type movie.

In today's world, there are cameras everywhere, and many ways to keep tabs on people. Cop cars recording license plates automatically, continuous feed cameras on every block, many stores, even smart phones.

It wouldn't be easy to find nearly untraceable ways to go a vigilante vendetta.

Even the movie "The Lucky One" with that bitch Jodie Foster as the vigilante who had to be rescued by the good hearted police officer touched on the difficulty of not being caught.

Anonymous fop August 04, 2017 2:41 PM  

STD needs a space raptor officer on the bridge. Should we start a reddit campaign?

Blogger Revelation Means Hope August 04, 2017 2:44 PM  

I don't know if anyone here reads "Erfworld", but I'm amused by the visceral hatred many commenters have for the Jillian character. I see her as Denise Crosby's character, a man with tits role and people really hate that kind of thing. Because the character motives just don't match up.

It seems especially bad when the role is written by a gamma. At least delta writers like Ringo can stay consistent.

Blogger Revelation Means Hope August 04, 2017 2:47 PM  

For the new show, I wonder if they will write in a straight white character who is a real douchebag? Make him really unlikeable and set him up to be the bad guy.

And then tear their hair out when it becomes obvious by the 6th week that he is one of the most popular, maybe even THE most popular character with the fans.

Come on, you know it would happen if they were stupid enough to do this. But if they do write in a straight white character, he will most definitely be a gamma.

Blogger koi seo August 04, 2017 5:43 PM  

"Thank you captain. In addition to speaking French, she is kinda of sentient, which makes her a slave who can never aspire to freedom. Which I also find kind of sexy."

ดูหนังฝรั่ง

Anonymous JC NRA August 04, 2017 6:01 PM  

That would be outstanding. I'd also like to see a screenplay based upon Unintended Consequences by John Ross.

What would Henry Bowman do?

Anonymous Koanic August 04, 2017 6:11 PM  

My creative vision for Star Trek:

The calm, noble crew gallantly engages warp drive towards an unknown system.

They hit a mine. The bridge undergoes explosive decompression, wiping out the entire chain of command.

For the next 30 minutes, 2001 Space Odyssey music plays as their frozen bulging corpses spin slowly in the debris cone.

Then it rewinds. It was all a flashback! We zoom in on the captain's cornea, as if he has just received a shocking premonition.

But alas, the same sequence of events plays out again, this time focusing in slow motion on details such as the rupturing of eyeballs.

Crescendo, finale, denouement, as broken ragdolls once again tumble into space. Fade to black.

Blogger Laramie Hirsch August 04, 2017 6:25 PM  

VD: For the love of God, please see this.

(As usual, I'm late in being able to respond.)

Davis Aurini produced a HILARIOUS Star Trek critical video called "The Broken Relationships of Star Trek The Next Generation."

https://vimeo.com/174894236

It really adds to the whole idea of Star Trek as a sexually immature universe. Please watch this--for anything, your own amusement. I'd be curious to know if you got a kick out of it.

Same goes for all you Dread Ilk

Blogger Were-Puppy August 04, 2017 7:31 PM  

I tried watching TNG a few years ago and barely made it halfway into the first season. BORING.

At least the first one had things like:
- overbreeding fuzzballs
- (hopefully not prophetic) barbarians and E. Plebnista
- A space version of Mr. Haney
- Abraham Lincoln duplicate mindgaming Spock
- Kirk vs. Reptillian

Hell, I rather watch Star Gate than any of those :P

Blogger Were-Puppy August 04, 2017 7:33 PM  

If you are a fan of TNG, here's a fun parody tune from a long ago Dragon*con
https://youtu.be/bD4DnfyLgKQ

Blogger Were-Puppy August 04, 2017 7:36 PM  

Funny Stargate parody song from back in the day
https://youtu.be/CWyWNGLNEFg

Anonymous VFM #6306 August 04, 2017 8:46 PM  

Jonathan Frakes walked like that because he was a worse actor than William Shatner, and injured his back in season one humping Patrick Stewart.

Will Wheaton watched. Moral: Know your fanfic!

Anonymous VFM #6306 August 04, 2017 8:53 PM  

Real Star Trek had a few good teevee stories and 3 excellent and memorable characters.

Wrath of Khan was its pinnacle, which still put it a few notches above Logan's Run and a half-step below Planet of the Apes.

Next Gen was lower budget Star Trek with better cleavage and Whoopi Goldberg.

Voyager was the live fatter version of Pigs in Space.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash August 04, 2017 10:11 PM  

Whoopi Goldberg is the reason I never watched TNG. Every time that woman's fatuous idiotic, smarmy face comes on the screen, there is a non-zero chance that I will break my electronics.

Blogger Glaivester August 04, 2017 10:59 PM  

In the meantime, much respect to ST:D, which is the first science fiction television show to make ALL of the characters GLBT.

I thought that would be Torchwood?

Blogger Scott Birch August 04, 2017 11:52 PM  

I think The Inner Light is a good TNG. No explosions or fights, but still good.

Anonymous Post Alley Crackpot August 05, 2017 4:17 AM  

Do you get to take shots for ST:D?

I for one look forward to the parody drinking game.

Blogger The Aardvark August 05, 2017 1:29 PM  

#46
Roddenberry HATED "Bread and Circuses".

Blogger Laramie Hirsch August 06, 2017 2:57 AM  

1st season of Star Trek TNG is unwatchable. Season 2 gets a bit better.

Vox or anyone, did any of y'all check out Aurini's video? It picks up/really starts at the 6 minute mark.

Blogger Sebastian Hawks August 06, 2017 8:17 PM  

I always liked the Cardassians on Deep Space Nine.

Blogger Harry Spitz August 06, 2017 9:23 PM  

I didn't watch much Star Trek: The Neurotic Generation.
But it always made me wonder if anyone realized they had a Political Officer / Commissar - Deanna Troi - and if they were bothered by it?

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