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Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Nothing they won't ruin

The Man Behind the Curtain seeks a sex change for Indy:
Ready Player One director Steven Spielberg says it’s time for a woman to play Indiana Jones. The director says he knows putting a woman in the lead role of an Indiana Jones movie would upset fans, but believes it's time the explorer 'took a different form'.
A woman? Or a girl? No doubt Mr. Spielberg would find it very amusing to make Indy an 10-year-old girl. A promiscuous 10-year-old girl coming on to an older man. Perhaps he could be an older man who just happens to make movies starring lots of children.

After all, it wouldn't be interesting if she was 16 or 17, right, Stephen?

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81 Comments:

Blogger Cloudswrest April 04, 2018 11:06 AM  

Don't we already have Tomb Raider for this?

Blogger Amy April 04, 2018 11:08 AM  

I thought this void was filled by Lara Croft.

Of course, she was an original character. It isn’t very SJW to create. The originals must be upended and destroyed to be authentic SJW

Blogger Cloudswrest April 04, 2018 11:15 AM  

True story. My wife acquired a kitten that was initially sexed wrongly as a female. She named it Indiana, after the main character in the George Sand novel (who was herself a woman (Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) who used a masculine pseudonym.) Later, when it was discovered that the maturing cat was a male she renamed it Indiana Jones.

Blogger Starboard April 04, 2018 11:18 AM  

Some die by prequel, some by sequel. Some die by stunt casting, but most die by reckless mocking perversion of the source material.

Blogger Azimus April 04, 2018 11:22 AM  

And that would be called Tomb Raider. Spielberg kind of missed the wave on that one.

They jumped the shark when did aliens. The franchise was killed.

Blogger Cubby8126 April 04, 2018 11:25 AM  

Regardless of my knowledge from this place of sjws, it will always blow me away when a for profit organization goes through with something that even the head honcho says "will upset fans". Every time it blows me away.

Blogger Theproductofafineeduction April 04, 2018 11:30 AM  

Because the latest Indiana Jones movie wasn't enough of a flop.

Blogger VoodooJock April 04, 2018 11:32 AM  

Wasn't Shia LaBoeuf woman enough for him?

Blogger Lazarus April 04, 2018 11:32 AM  

it will always blow me away when a for profit organization goes through with something that even the head honcho says "will upset fans".

They are just following orders.

Blogger Anchorman April 04, 2018 11:38 AM  

One of the reasons Indiana was such a successful character is because we got to laugh at him.
That won't be tolerated in Lady Indy.

Blogger Jon Mollison April 04, 2018 11:44 AM  

Diana Jones is a teacher, naturally. So she doen't statutorily rape her male students, she has 'sex romps', and her husband stands by her side during these hard times.

Ah well, at least Spielberg is nuking his own creation from orbit instead of the cteations of othets.

Blogger Nate73 April 04, 2018 11:44 AM  

Meanwhile Lauren Southern gets the axe for suggesting Allah can be a gay god for everyone! I think it's clear which cultural icons are allowed to be destroyed and which aren't at this point.

Blogger Resident Moron™ April 04, 2018 11:45 AM  

There’s no place for laughing at Lady Indy in modern society.

In the history of horrendously expensive idiocies, this one is right up there.

Blogger Hammerli280 April 04, 2018 11:46 AM  

Spielberg needs to be checked for impaired cognitive function.

First, Harrison Ford is WAY too old for the part. They would have to recast.

Second, the 4th movie broke the franchise. The first three movies have a common thread - spirituality. The supernatural is both real and very dangerous to those who would misuse it. The fourth movie? Nope.

Not to mention that change for the sake of change doesn't work very well.

Blogger tuberman April 04, 2018 11:47 AM  

All the "Tome Raider" girl has Left is those Lips, so needs a quick redo as a young female Indiana. With enough MK-Ultra sessions with Steven as her handler and pimp, I'm sure someone is in the wings, who has been groomed for several years. She will wear Minnie Mouse Dots on her clothing to remind her of training.

Blogger Paradox April 04, 2018 11:49 AM  

I’m sure she won’t use any guns because Spielberg just gave 500k to the gun control march. (((Every damn time)))

Blogger Johnny April 04, 2018 11:51 AM  

I am a Harrison Ford fan but he is way over the hill. Even a little marginal for the cameo role he got in the latest Blade Runner.

Blogger MattyIce April 04, 2018 11:54 AM  

This should be applauded, the more the ruin the quicker the downfall. Hell we need an all women "Expendables", but we'll have to change the name to "The Essentials".

Blogger lazlo azavaar April 04, 2018 12:01 PM  

Spielberg already ruined Indy. This is just urinating on the ruin to signal his virtue.

Blogger BlowMe April 04, 2018 12:09 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Quilp April 04, 2018 12:09 PM  

Can a female pull off that facial tic thing Ford has been doing since Star wars? Sure, the only time it really worked was in Regarding Henry, when his brain was supposedly no longer functioning at full capacity, but its trademark Indy (and Hans, and Jack Ryan) now.

Blogger BlowMe April 04, 2018 12:12 PM  

"Lolita Jones"

https://infogalactic.com/info/Lolita_(1962_film)

Spielberg casts himself as the older man.

Blogger beerme April 04, 2018 12:14 PM  

so brave

Blogger tuberman April 04, 2018 12:17 PM  

There is no ruining Indy for me. The first one was a decent B-level, the rest were silly to the absurd.

Blogger Jack Amok April 04, 2018 12:28 PM  

Or, I dunno, they could come up with a new idea instead of rehashing all the old ones until there's nothing left to do but pervert them...

Blogger Kudos The Lexecutioner April 04, 2018 12:31 PM  

Larry Croft: Tomb Raider

"putting a [man] in the lead role of a [Lara Croft] movie would upset fans, but [the director] believes it's time the explorer 'took a different form'.

Seth Rogen could play the part.

Blogger Ceerilan April 04, 2018 12:32 PM  

This sort of statement is a trial baloon. Politicians do this to gauge public reaction to a policy by making some vague non-committal statement, then judging its popularity by the public reaction.

Interesting side note, this is how GWB decided whether or not to stop the Sudan genocide. Condemnation by African leaders combined with silence from the MSM told him he couldn't.

Based on the rules at play, the correct move is to nuke Spielberg's career and personal life as hard as possible.

Blogger Nate April 04, 2018 12:43 PM  

this is just further proof that hollywierd hates women. Women are really just men with boobs.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 12:43 PM  

I don't think you can call the new character "Indian Jones".

My wife suggested "Iowa Jones" or something similar.

I think she should be "California Jones". California is the land of lunatics, queers, and transsexuals. Yes, sir; and California Jones should teach at UCLA.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 12:45 PM  

"Indiana Jones" of course. Damn spell checker. :-(

Blogger Brett baker April 04, 2018 12:45 PM  

The "Bikini Jones" Retromedia movies will probably outdo the Spielberg parody in terms of sales.

Blogger Brett baker April 04, 2018 12:45 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Aeoli April 04, 2018 12:48 PM  

This is heartening for me. I liked Indiana Jones, and if it had been pozzed before they wouldn't be trying to ruin it now. So I can enjoy the original guilt-free now, even if it was a Spielberg movie.

Blogger Warunicorn April 04, 2018 12:55 PM  

It's...time?

Why? What was wrong with a man playing Jones before?

Oooh...that's right...nothing.

Lord, how I despise these people.

Blogger VoodooJock April 04, 2018 12:56 PM  

Why she gotta be a white chick? Tyler Perry's "Madea Jones and the Temple of 'Pac" is good for a billion. Get that foul looking Ghostbusters gal that Milo likes to insult to star. Have Snoop play a streetwise pimp version of Salah. Have KFC do a movie tie-in promo too

Blogger SciVo April 04, 2018 12:59 PM  

Soundtrack suggestion: White Town - Your Woman

Blogger Azimus April 04, 2018 1:04 PM  

If they hurry up before it's too late, I would accept Felicity Jones as the stand-in. I mean, its not like I'm going to watch the movie, and I think we all know how this is going to be promoted - so might as well pick high-potential eye candy...

Blogger Jack Amok April 04, 2018 1:16 PM  

I don't think you can call the new character "Indian Jones".

I think that would be "Tomahawk Jones." M.A.S.H. already did "Spearchucker Jones."

Blogger YIH April 04, 2018 1:17 PM  

Jon Mollison wrote:Diana Jones is a teacher, naturally. So she doen't statutorily rape her male students, she has 'sex romps', and her husband stands by her side during these hard times.

Ah well, at least Spielberg is nuking his own creation from orbit instead of the cteations of othets.

Shouldn't she be doing that? You know, to make the character more realistic :)

Blogger Cataline Sergius April 04, 2018 1:18 PM  

I knew it! I knew this was coming.

I should have titled that post Cataline Predicts with Uncanny Accuracy. It dates from March 21.

You know what they are going to do, don't you? That's right, it's going to be a kick-ass grrrl hero who always does everything right. Call her, "Indy Sue." I can already see Jones gawping in amazement at how much better she is at everything than he is. Why she's only twenty one but she knows w-a-a-a-y more about archaeology than he does. And look how she uses his whip! She is already a spectacular expert in it's use just by picking it up. At the end of the movie she will put on the Indy Hat and walk off into the sunset absolutely self assured in her intrinsic superiority leaving old Indy and his audience to gracefully bow out.

Kathleen Kennedy is producing so you already know this is going to be a hot, stinking, raging feminist dumpster fire of a movie.

I am also one hundred percent positive that this movie is going to shit all over the fans of the series.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 1:24 PM  

Meh, let him shove his toys up his ass if he wants to.
"Raiders" will still be my favorite popcorn flick regardless of any future SJW shenanigans in the sequels.
Case in point, "Star Wars" and "Empire Strikes Back" are STILL great.

Blogger mjusiq April 04, 2018 1:25 PM  

This gives me the creeps - sounds a lot what is happening in Sweden and other EU countries: putting (middle aged) women in the MSM lead role- to fight for and take into their homes supposedly Afghan/other muslim "children". Old hags with dry ovaries treating grown muslim men, fighting for them, as children while having sex with them. The script/plot of a older female Indiana Jones seems as a logical conclusion the Hollywood exploiting of children. People are onto to them - now time for a angle: old cat ladies - compensating their fruitless lifes with some fun with the invaders. I don't know its all so insane these days. Thanks for president Trump.

Blogger Darwinian Arminian April 04, 2018 1:25 PM  

@35. VoodooJock

Good Lord, you've just convinced me that something like this needs to happen. Madea Jones, yes! Then we'd have a black man playing a black woman who's playing a white man. That's a level of wokeness so high that the filmmakers would be risking death from insomnia.

Blogger Timmy3 April 04, 2018 1:42 PM  

You can only keep fighting the Nazis so many times and Harrison Ford shouldn’t be returning again. Tomb Raider just failed in the box office. The replacement actress wasn’t endowed enough. These people keep forgetting who their primary audience is. The stories wouldn’t be popular with a female lead.

Blogger James Dixon April 04, 2018 1:58 PM  

I thought Adam and Eve had already covered that: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1236887/

Blogger Longtime Lurker April 04, 2018 1:59 PM  

@22: "Lolita Jones."

Now that's what I call an exploitation flick!

Blogger dvdivx April 04, 2018 2:11 PM  

She should be black so they can bomb on China like the black panther movie
Or just keep it a male and rename it Indiana Jew - The Search for Shiksa.

Blogger D. Bay April 04, 2018 2:23 PM  

A transgender woman. Make it hardcore politically correct. Indiana Jane and the Lost Johnson.

Blogger Thanks, J. April 04, 2018 2:24 PM  

There's an old Onion article. "The Secret to Steven Spielberg's Success: Monsters, Jews".

They hate us.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 2:32 PM  

Lolita Jones & the Temple of Comet Pizza
Lolita Jones & Niggerettea One Goblet
Lolita Jones & the Raiders of Lost Epstein Video Ark

Wasn't Shia LaBoeuf woman enough for him?

Too loose by the time Spielberg got to him

Old hags with dry ovaries treating grown muslim men, fighting for them, as children while having sex with them. The script/plot of a older female Indiana Jones

Cat Lady Jones & the Sandnig Muhdicks-

Cat Lady Jones hates all the pretty women out there but the law stands in the way. She discovers a portal to Sandnig were she can import the Muhdicks that will only attack pretty girls & their offspring.

Blogger DBSFF April 04, 2018 2:33 PM  

Fascinating how parasitic they are, even with their own works.

Blogger Mega-Buster Shepard April 04, 2018 2:42 PM  

Either a franchise goes on too long and becomes a farce of mediocrity or is subverted for political gain.

Blogger Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club April 04, 2018 2:58 PM  

Will there ever again be a new idea in Hollywood? All the signs and portents say "Hell no."

Blogger Ben Cohen April 04, 2018 3:03 PM  

Make Indiana into an angry black man.

Blogger Cataline Sergius April 04, 2018 3:03 PM  

Lolita Jones?

Very wide of the mark I'm afraid.

That name conjures up images of an attractive, Tomb Raider type heroine.

Kathleen Kennedy will never permit that. SJW Feminism will require a female Indy that avert the male gaze, not attract it.

Take a look at Rey or Rose Tico from Star Wars or Squirrel Girl or Ms. Marvel from Marvel comics. All of them are designed to repel male desire.

Admittedly, I strongly suspect this is all a senile pipe dream anyway. Yeah, the project is announced but Kathleen Kennedy is in full-on Always Double Down mode.

Lucasfilm cost Disney 4 plus billion dollars. According to Deadline at 2 billion gross, The Force Awakens only made 750 million in profit. If the same figures are in play for TLJ then it only just broke even at 1.3 billion in gross receipts.

Which means Disney is still deeply in the red over Lucasfilm.

The question now is, has SJW Star Wars killed the franchise?

Bottomline if Solo tanks, Kathleen Kennedy is almost certainly being sent to the wall. In which case this Indiana Jones 5 project is likely still born.

Blogger Thanks, J. April 04, 2018 3:34 PM  

Many of us are close to not caring about (((Hollywood))) and the "entertainment industry" but the problem is shitlibs/ the j-left is right that these movies, T.V., etc, shape sheeple's minds. Young people ARE molded into little SJW cretins.

Blogger Geir Balderson April 04, 2018 3:35 PM  

A black Indiana Jones. Name her Chicago Jones or Detroit Jones.
Have you noticed that the majority of commercials now are primarily starring black actors. If a whitey does show up he is the dumb neighbor or friend that has to have the superior black lecture him on what he did wrong.
Advertisers!! Listen up! Just make all commercial actor dark-skinned. It makes it easier to not eve venture a look.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 3:45 PM  

To really be PC it needs to be a foreign, Down's syndrome, transgender, paraplegic, with a lisp and halitosis.
A lazy eye and purple hair would finish the look,
and can't forget, pigeon toed and knock kneed, with rickets.

Yes, I'm ableist.

Blogger James Dixon April 04, 2018 3:46 PM  

> A black Indiana Jones. Name her Chicago Jones or Detroit Jones.

That's been done too. Cleopatra Jones: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069890/

Blogger Starboard April 04, 2018 3:50 PM  

Kathleen Kennedy will never permit that. SJW Feminism will require a female Indy that avert the male gaze, not attract it.

Take a look at Rey or Rose Tico from Star Wars or Squirrel Girl or Ms. Marvel from Marvel comics. All of them are designed to repel male desire. -- Cataline

Now that you mention it. The only women allowed to dress up in TLJ were admiral ball gown and general Leia. Forcing the young women to avert the male gaze while desperately trying to attract it to the post wall women. That's feminism for you, girls!

Blogger Unknown April 04, 2018 4:21 PM  

Diana Jones is a teacher, naturally. So she doen't statutorily rape her male students, she has 'sex romps', and her husband stands by her side during these hard times.

Or maybe the movie In Diana Jones, is a coming of age story about a teenage girl whose webcam footage magically acquires her fame and fortune. That would work, but I think it's been done. A lot.

Incidentally, "may upset fans" when it's about upturning a boys own franchise is catnip to the Yugo Grrls. They have their own money now, and in your face 'equality' siphons it out of their purses like a Saudi oil well.

Blogger B.J. April 04, 2018 4:24 PM  

1. They already did that, it's called Tomb Raider, and it bombed.

2. It would still be better than Oldianna Jones and the Last Prostate Exam

@Cataline Sergius-

You are correct, they would probably make it some man-jawed androgyne like Tilda Swinton or whoever plays Brienne of Tarth.

Blogger Balázs Varga April 04, 2018 4:47 PM  

This will only work if they go back in time, get a young Angelina Jolie and rename Indiana Jones to Lara Croft.

Blogger VFM #7634 April 04, 2018 4:48 PM  

Meh... after female Thor (which was itself unnecessary, since they could have introduced Thor's daughter Thrud), this is nothing.

Blogger freddie_mac April 04, 2018 4:48 PM  

OP
but believes it's time the explorer 'took a different form'.

I don't care how woke it is, I refuse to see a movie* where Harrison Ford portrays a tranny.

*Umm, I haven't even been to a movie theater in at least a decade, probably longer. Any movies that I rent tend to be from the 1990s or earlier.

Blogger lazlo azavaar April 04, 2018 4:51 PM  

Speaking of spots, has grrl Doctor Who started yet? Anyone watching that?

Blogger Robert Pinkerton April 04, 2018 5:10 PM  

It is as though the SJWs of whatever ethnicity are determined to desecrate every cultural shrine, at whatever level, that we venerate, because we venerate it. If that is not hatred, tell me what is.

Blogger Rambam April 04, 2018 5:22 PM  

Testing, testing, gamma ban test for VD.
Please press 2 for Spanish.

Blogger Cecil Henry April 04, 2018 5:23 PM  

This is the ugliness of envy in action.

Why does he not understand a basic reality: If its a woman its NOT Indiana Jones.

There is no way around this: to paraphrase Peter Hitchens:

'It wasn't because we liked women (or minorities, or...) that we wanted Indiana Jones to change, but because we hated White males and wanted to efface them'

Forewarned is forearmed.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 5:27 PM  

Tomb Raider was the "female indy". Games and store were great. Movie.... well leave it to Hollywood to f--k up a good thing even with it actually matches what they hope for.

Blogger Dave W. April 04, 2018 5:35 PM  

New Doctor Who in October 2018. Not looking forward to it, to put it mildly.

Blogger lazlo azavaar April 04, 2018 5:48 PM  

#70. One less lefty show to watch.

Anonymous Anonymous April 04, 2018 6:03 PM  

@64. VFM#7634

"... they could have introduced Thor's daughter Thrud"

I though is was spelled Thot. (at least after Disney took over everything)

Blogger Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club April 04, 2018 6:14 PM  

A black Indiana Jones. Name her Chicago Jones or Detroit Jones

How about TANF Jones?

Blogger Jack Ward April 04, 2018 7:12 PM  

You know I enjoyed the Indiana Jones series; most of them anyway. This latest will be yet another movie I will not see. Thank God I don't make my living as a movie critic.

On another note, and, if you want to read instead of some converged mess of a movie, try out the Hammer of the Witches. I'm half way through it and already in mourning over it ending. This thing is really good and long as well. I was going to re-read the first in the series, Daemons, then it but just could not wait. Now, the plan is to finish, wait one week, read Daemons and then Hammer again. Yeah, its that good. If you like the genre. Full of some very detailed small unit tactics and application of psionic powers and magic thereof.

Blogger Snidely Whiplash April 04, 2018 7:18 PM  

lazlo azavaar wrote:has grrl Doctor Who started yet? Anyone watching that?
/looks around
"I don't see any lesbians here...."

Blogger lazlo azavaar April 04, 2018 8:10 PM  

75. Yeah, didn't think so.

Blogger Bobiojimbo April 04, 2018 10:19 PM  

Posts like this are when I wish Blogger had like buttons... They literally, already have a female Indiana Jones; her name is: Lara Croft.

It's funny, the day you post this, Smosh posts a video lampooning gendered swapped movies. I got a chuckle out of it.

Blogger Eric Steiger April 04, 2018 10:50 PM  

Maybe someone should inform him that there's already been a female Indiana Jones for quite some time. Her name is Lara Croft. Not sure what he could have to offer the character other than have her seduce a young boy.

Blogger Unknown April 05, 2018 1:35 AM  

According to the Indiana Jones Wiki, Marion was born in 1909. If she had an affair with Indy in 1926, she would have been 17. So she was almost a legal adult.

Blogger Thucydides April 05, 2018 1:07 PM  

The Indiana Jones franchise is pretty much dead anyway, so putting a bullet in it might be a mercy.

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