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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

TURNED EARTH by David the Good

You have no idea how many ways to kill you are lurking in the little laboratory of mass destruction known as your neighbor's garden.

Gardening is just a hobby for most – but for some, it’s a matter of life and death. 

Who keeps killing soil scientists and agriculture industry executives around the world? If you dare to ask, you may end up as the next corpse left to serve as garden compost. When gardener Jack Broccoli and his boss are targeted by a radical farming cult, Jack’s entire life is turned upside-down as he’s forced into a terrifying world of international agro-industrial intrigue. 

TURNED EARTH is a frighteningly funny novel by master gardener David The Good and the first in the Jack Broccoli series of gardening thrillers.

This is one of those books you have to read to believe that it's real. Yes, it's a gardening thriller, and somehow, inexplicably, the concept actually works. Also, it appears that gardeners have considerably more ways to kill you than ninjas, hit men, and the U.S. Marine Corps combined. I am now officially terrified of all those little blue-haired women who spend their days laboring painstakingly over their well-tended laboratories of mass destruction.

From the first review of TURNED EARTH: A Jack Broccoli novel:
  • This might the world's first garden thriller ever to be published. Imagine Mel Bartholomew meets Liam Neeson as written by a graft of Douglas Adams and Dave Barry, and lyrics by David Byrne, if it had lyrics. You aren't going to read the secrets of Life, the Universe, and Everything, but you will be asking yourself "How did I get here?" and "That's not my house" which is more of a statement than question.

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43 Comments:

Blogger Lazarus May 23, 2018 6:28 AM  

Hmm. Jack Broccoli...Italian American?

Bet he grows killer tomatoes

Blogger wreckage May 23, 2018 6:44 AM  

Am a gardener, can confirm.

Blogger Looking Glass May 23, 2018 7:27 AM  

Wait... what?

Blogger Looking Glass May 23, 2018 7:31 AM  

"The modesty gourd was giving him nerves, though."

Wait... what?

Blogger bob kek mando - ( Creepy Joe Biden always asks for consent before changing your baby's diaper ) May 23, 2018 8:08 AM  

Vox
Also, it appears that gardeners have considerably more ways to kill you than ninjas, hit men, and the U.S. Marine Corps combined.


many ways that somehow all involve a Mulch Pile, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

Blogger RobertDWood May 23, 2018 8:12 AM  

Paperback!

Blogger VD May 23, 2018 8:15 AM  

You realize that we know exactly how many paperbacks and hardcover editions we sell, right?

Blogger Dave May 23, 2018 8:22 AM  

How can I not buy this? I mean, it's David the Good writing about Jack Broccoli. There's a chick in a bathing suit and a guy dressed as a carrot on the cover.

Now where did I put my straw hat and my modesty gourd?

Comic book adaptation, Vox?

Blogger Brian S May 23, 2018 8:42 AM  

Oh great, now the theme song for "attack ok the killer tomatoes" is playing in my head.

Blogger The Deplorable Podunk Ken Ramsey May 23, 2018 8:55 AM  

Garden thriller. Can not wait to get this!

Blogger cheddarman May 23, 2018 9:00 AM  

When nate and david the good did the ATF show i would laugh so hard i would run out of breath. Looking forward to laughing myself silly with his new book

Blogger bob kek mando - ( Creepy Joe Biden always asks for consent before changing your baby's diaper ) May 23, 2018 9:13 AM  

Jack Broccoli taught James Bond everything he knows.

Blogger Jack Aubrey May 23, 2018 9:25 AM  

This is awesome. You just know one of the sequels is going to be titled "Scorched Earth."

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 9:37 AM  

Thank you, folks. This release has proven yet again that Castalia House is the most innovative publisher in the world.

What other publishing house is helping create entirely new genres?

Blogger Matthew May 23, 2018 9:39 AM  

This is a fantastic book. I read it aloud to my children, and it has been incorporated into the family mythology and make believe games.

Blogger Looking Glass May 23, 2018 9:48 AM  

David The Good wrote:Thank you, folks. This release has proven yet again that Castalia House is the most innovative publisher in the world.

What other publishing house is helping create entirely new genres?


Is the soil amendments maybe a little too rich in the tropics? Where did this come from?

Blogger VD May 23, 2018 9:56 AM  

Where did this come from?

Someone has been smoking the home-grown.

Blogger Mocheirge May 23, 2018 9:58 AM  

Will be disappoint if no Bahfeemus.

Blogger CoolHand May 23, 2018 10:03 AM  

This is too ridiculous a concept to pass up.

It's officially on the KU list, to be consumed any day now.

CH and this blog are a very welcome and sorely needed bright spot in an otherwise gray and irritating entertainment landscape.

Thanks very much for existing and doing all that you do.

Blogger Cubby8126 May 23, 2018 10:16 AM  

Another added to the list

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 10:31 AM  

VD wrote:Where did this come from?

Someone has been smoking the home-grown.


It takes the edge off the Spice CH provides its authors.

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 10:32 AM  

Looking Glass wrote:David The Good wrote:Thank you, folks. This release has proven yet again that Castalia House is the most innovative publisher in the world.

What other publishing house is helping create entirely new genres?


Is the soil amendments maybe a little too rich in the tropics? Where did this come from?


I was tossing around new gardening book ideas with some of the ilk and Jeremiah Humphries told me I should write a gardening thriller. So I did, and he did the cover. And it's the most awesome book ever.

Anonymous Anonymous May 23, 2018 10:41 AM  

This book may seem corny, but when Broccoli gets into a pickle and has to beet the bad guys it's kind of a big dill. Lettuce all go out and buy this book. It's a real page turnip.

Blogger Tupla-J May 23, 2018 11:03 AM  

Is there a Bahfeemus involved?

Blogger Jabari May 23, 2018 11:11 AM  

Ah man, would love to get this for my dad (huge gardener, got him Compost Everything for Xmas before), but he doesn't do e-books at all.

Paperback if it does well perhaps?

Blogger Starboard May 23, 2018 11:34 AM  

This looks fantastic. I look forward to reading it! Talk about pushing the zone...

Blogger Dave May 23, 2018 12:16 PM  

What other publishing house is helping create entire new genres?

>Gardener Thriller Fiction
>Agro-Mystery Thriller
>Mulch Mystery Fiction
>Mulch Fiction
>Plough Pulp Fiction
>Raised Bed Mystery Thriller

Blogger freddie_mac May 23, 2018 12:17 PM  

Tortoise pen, straw hat and modesty gourd -- all on the first (text) page? Sold!

Blogger Resident Moron™ May 23, 2018 12:49 PM  

Queued on my kindle. Great review, too.

I’m constantly awed by the creative capacity of man.

And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Blogger Jon Mollison May 23, 2018 1:58 PM  

Hilarious. Great cover. If it's half as funny as David's songs, it'll still deliver more laugh than any network sitcom.

Blogger Randomatos May 23, 2018 4:29 PM  

Purchased, will market to family and friends. This is good rediculous fun, take my money!

Blogger R Webfoot May 23, 2018 5:07 PM  

@27
Careful, he might get ideas and invent the produce-ripper.

Blogger daddynichol May 23, 2018 6:13 PM  

Bought it.

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 7:10 PM  

Jabari wrote:Ah man, would love to get this for my dad (huge gardener, got him Compost Everything for Xmas before), but he doesn't do e-books at all.

Paperback if it does well perhaps?


Yes. Hardcover, Hardy Boys style. It's already in progress.

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 7:11 PM  

R Webfoot wrote:@27

Careful, he might get ideas and invent the produce-ripper.


Now that you mention it...

Blogger David The Good May 23, 2018 7:12 PM  

Tupla-J wrote:Is there a Bahfeemus involved?

In a future one.

Blogger GAHCindy May 23, 2018 9:38 PM  

It's stupid how excited I am about this.

Blogger maniacprovost May 23, 2018 10:10 PM  

My biggest problem is that the 4.99 kindle price point makes me not want to get the digital edition of some of these books, where I really want to get the paperback. Now, this may not fall in that category... I don't know yet.

Of course, any price point you pick will fall right at the borderline of someone's decision making process.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for not getting Kindle Unlimited; but-

WAIT

HARDY BOYS STYLE HARDCOVER??

*tips fedora*

Blogger Thucydides May 23, 2018 11:38 PM  

And I thought "Surf Nazis must die" was the epitome of crazy mashup genre pieces. Glad to know creativity knows no bounds.

Radical farming cults indeed......

Blogger Looking Glass May 24, 2018 12:17 AM  

maniacprovost wrote:My biggest problem is that the 4.99 kindle price point makes me not want to get the digital edition of some of these books, where I really want to get the paperback. Now, this may not fall in that category... I don't know yet.

Of course, any price point you pick will fall right at the borderline of someone's decision making process.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for not getting Kindle Unlimited; but-

WAIT

HARDY BOYS STYLE HARDCOVER??

*tips fedora*


The guy in the carrot suit on the cover really seals the deal.

Blogger Freddy May 24, 2018 3:59 AM  

David is on point considering gmo's, Monsanto/ Gates Foundation slow killing the population to that Georgia Guidestone holy grail number of human extinction. Remember two months ago the cute Key West Phd who was slated to testify before Congress on the harm that 666 released gmo'd mosquitos would play in the ecosphere in the Miami area to "fight" Zika? Well (((they))) made sure 666 was documented in the media. The night before the lovely gal was slated to testify she was found dead in the rooftop pool.

We do not consent!!

Blogger JaimeInTexas May 24, 2018 9:47 AM  

Bought it and started reading the book last night. Someone made a trip to the cow pastures in the spring? Sure it was compost tea ;)
Making gardening exiting again!

Blogger Markku May 25, 2018 8:00 PM  

It will probably not surprise anyone to learn that I was the mythology consultant for this one.

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