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Sunday, December 02, 2018

The guilt of the Gamma

Neal DeGrasse Tyson is, at the very least, guilty of disappointing women with his unexpected Gammatude:
While filming this past summer, I had a (female) Production Assistant assigned to me, to ensure, among her countless tasks, that every ounce of my energy was efficiently allocated to the production needs of the show.  As part of this, she was also my driver, to and from the studio, ensuring that I arrive on time. In the car we would review details of the shoot and she would help me anticipate parts of the shoot to come. Across the many weeks of shooting she and I spent upwards of a hundred hours in one-on-one conversation.  We became so friendly that we talked about all manner of subjects, even social-personal ones, like the care of aging parents, sibling relationships, life in high school and college, hometown hobbies, race, gender, and so forth.  We also discussed less-personal topics in abundance, like rock lyrics, favorite songs in various musical genres, concert experiences, etc.  And we also talked about food – I’m kind of a foodie, and her fiancé was a chef. In short, we had a fun, talkative friendship.

She is a talented, warm and friendly person -- excellent traits for morale on a high pressure production. Practically everyone she knows on set gets a daily welcome-hug from her. I expressly rejected each hug offered frequently during the Production. But in its place I offered a handshake, and on a few occasions, clumsily declared, “If I hug you I might just want more.”  My intent was to express restrained but genuine affection.

In the final week of shooting, with just a few days left, as a capstone of our friendship, I invited her to wine & cheese at my place upon dropping me off from work.  No pressure. I serve wine & cheese often to visitors. And I even alerted her that others from the production were gathering elsewhere that evening, so she could just drop me off and head straight there or anywhere elsewhere. She freely chose to come by for wine & cheese and I was delighted.  In the car, we had started a long conversation that could continue unabated.  Production days are long. We arrived late, but she was on her way home two hours later.

Afterwards, she came into my office to told me she was creeped out by the wine & cheese evening.  She viewed the invite as an attempt to seduce her, even though she sat across the wine & cheese table from me, and all conversation had been in the same vein as all other conversations we ever had.

Further, I never touched her until I shook her hand upon departure.  On that occasion, I had offered a special handshake, one I learned from a Native elder on reservation land at the edge of the Grand Canyon.  You extend your thumb forward during the handshake to feel the other person’s vital spirit energy -- the pulse.  I’ve never forgotten that handshake, and I save it in appreciation of people with whom I’ve developed new friendships.

At that last meeting in my office, I apologized profusely. She accepted the apology.  And I assured her that had I known she was uncomfortable, I would have apologized on the spot, ended the evening, and possibly reminded her of the other social gathering that she could attend. She nonetheless declared it her last day, with only a few days left of production.

I note that her final gesture to me was the offer of a hug, which I accepted as a parting friend.
This is like reading an account of an easily avoided car crash. I actually tend to believe that the nerdling Tyson didn't genuinely hit on these women, but he quite clearly wanted to do so, and worse, behaved in a manner that let them know the door was open if they wanted to initiate anything with him. All the talk about "friendship" and "restrained but genuine affection" and "special handshakes" is just dishonest Gamma speak for "I wanted to pursue her but was afraid to do so."

Never forget that women get far more creeped out by the guys who want to hit on them, but are afraid to, than by the men who openly pursue them. They react very negatively to male incongruity, and as a black man and media celebrity, Tyson's behavior would have struck them as bizarrely incongruous. Where is that confrontation-seeking boldness that was portrayed on the Big Bang Theory? It never existed, of course, it was a fictitious portrayal that probably owed part of its humor to being so unlike the real persona.

Don't think that you're fooling anyone, including yourself, when you strike up a respectful friendship with a young female assistant or colleague. If you're going to be a dog, then be a shameless dog. If you're not, then don't flirt with the danger and humiliation that is all-too-likely to result from playing with socio-sexual fire. My approach to women is very simple: keep your damn distance. No hugs, no special handshakes, no wine-and-cheese evenings.

All that being said, Neal DeGrasse Tyson doesn't get a pass. The new rules of sexual harassment are perfectly clear. He violated them and he's not on our side, so let him burn.

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66 Comments:

Blogger JAG December 02, 2018 8:25 AM  

ZFG for that phony. The destruction of his fake career would be greatly entertaining, though.

Blogger Ron Winkleheimer December 02, 2018 8:31 AM  

I had offered a special handshake, one I learned from a Native elder on reservation land at the edge of the Grand Canyon. You extend your thumb forward during the handshake to feel the other person’s vital spirit energy -- the pulse.

Yeah, right.

Blogger JAG December 02, 2018 8:36 AM  

Sounds more like a handshake he learned from the Freemasons.

Blogger Gregory the Great December 02, 2018 8:37 AM  

Other elders knew about this handshake first

Blogger Silly but True December 02, 2018 8:37 AM  

I had offered a special handshake, one I learned from a notable once A-list black comedian whose career extended from the 1960s through the 90s...

Blogger Dave December 02, 2018 8:40 AM  

I will enjoy seeing him put through the wringer, but damn, that was arduous to read. Fuckin' gammas.

She was actually creeped out that he didn't hit on her after she took him up on his offer of wine and cheese at his place.

No special handshakes, Vox? Won't your tribal elders be disappointed?

Blogger marco moltisanti December 02, 2018 9:00 AM  

"My approach to women is very simple: keep your damn distance. No hugs, no special handshakes, no wine-and-cheese evenings."

This is the only option if you're a married man and have any interest in conducting yourself with honor, being a good father, and the wellbeing of your children. Surprising how many guys just don't get it, or how bad anything else looks.

Blogger Tars Tarkusz December 02, 2018 9:05 AM  

They tried to turn him into a cheap ghetto version of Carl Sagan. They mostly succeeded in getting him to shut up about race. Before he started appearing in the documentaries, his biggest contribution to "science" was being black. He bitched about racism. Now he is doing it again. He recently appeared on a radio station and complained for 20 minutes about race and lack of black accomplishments, which of course is whitey's fault.

Blogger Steve December 02, 2018 9:12 AM  

But in its place I offered a handshake, and on a few occasions, clumsily declared, “If I hug you I might just want more.”

On that occasion, I had offered a special handshake, one I learned from a Native elder on reservation land at the edge of the Grand Canyon.

This is the dorkiest thing I've ever read. Are we sure he's really black?

Blogger Desert Screamer December 02, 2018 9:14 AM  

"I had offered a special handshake, one I learned from a Native elder on reservation land at the edge of the Grand Canyon. You extend your thumb forward during the handshake to feel the other person’s vital spirit energy - the pulse."
An image of his big clumsy black hand grabbin the woman's hand comes to my mind.Tyson,while looking at ver tits says "I can feel your vital spirit energy hehehehe" (laughs in a deep,nervous sounds) .And the woman says "That's interesting",but she's afraid and wants to run a.s.a.p.

Blogger Roman Daoist December 02, 2018 9:17 AM  

She went to have 'wine and cheese' when she did not need to - she was under no obligation. But she did, probably thinking "I'm gonna bang me a famous person" only to be lead out at the end with a stupid f****** handhsake. I'm angry at him too.

Blogger Longtime Lurker December 02, 2018 9:19 AM  

Tyson has been married to the same woman since 1988. They have two kids together.

He wasn't going to wreck his marriage, but he sure was going to let the young lady do it for him, if that's what she wanted to do.

Blogger Ford Prefect December 02, 2018 9:31 AM  

Pence and (Billy) Graham: two immeasurably wise gentlemen. Tyson, not so much.

Blogger Johnny December 02, 2018 9:41 AM  

After a couple of beers, knew a guy who had a special handshake, but then he was a homosexual.

Blogger haus frau December 02, 2018 9:52 AM  

The production assistant should have been warned by her manager from the start that physical affection is absolutely inappropriate in a professional setting. No hugs. No back rubs. No whatever. There's no reason to touch at all beyond a hand shake. Many people are very uncomfortable with being touched by a stranger.
This de grasse guy is an idiot but she led him on for the attention and knew it. It was totally cool as long as he didn't try to take her up on it.

Blogger The Scribe December 02, 2018 9:58 AM  

Good grief, a secret handshake?

Follow the Pence Doctrine.

Blogger Dave December 02, 2018 10:17 AM  

The production assistant should have been warned by her manager from the start that physical affection is absolutely inappropriate in a professional setting.

Professional setting? You don't read Hollywood gossip or watch the TMZs, do you?

Blogger haus frau December 02, 2018 10:25 AM  

@17 heh yeah i know. I read cdan. All of these people deserve what they get.
For my part i often went to church late or walked around to the side entrance to avoid the huggy greeter lady at my old church. In a work environment, that huggy crap from either men or other women would be exponentially uncomfortable even if its clearly, completely non sexual. I mean, wtf? How awkward to have to explain you dont like being hugged by fricking co worker.

Blogger Duke Norfolk December 02, 2018 10:30 AM  

This is the world they wanted (women in the workplace, and worse, forced into many of them; and just general ignoring of sexual dynamics and differences) so let them live with all the consequences of it. It's gonna get much worse before it's all over and sanity and wisdom returns.

Blogger Duke Norfolk December 02, 2018 10:36 AM  

haus frau wrote:The production assistant should have been warned by her manager from the start that physical affection is absolutely inappropriate in a professional setting. No hugs. No back rubs. No whatever. There's no reason to touch at all beyond a hand shake.

Yes. And women (and those in charge of the workplace) who do this are just throwing gasoline all over the place, just waiting for a spark.

Of course she was never in jeopardy during any of this. And that imbalance will help to take this whole thing down.

Our ancestors are shaking their heads.

Blogger pyrrhus December 02, 2018 10:42 AM  

I watched an episode of the rebooted Cosmos with Tyson, and he was pathetic...So sad!

Blogger Timmy3 December 02, 2018 10:54 AM  

He knows her so well. The less he knows about the women, he would be safer.

Blogger Dirk Manly December 02, 2018 10:58 AM  

@9

"This is the dorkiest thing I've ever read. Are we sure he's really black?"

That's non-intelligent black trying to imitate white intelligence.
Cf. "Sign Language Guy" at Nelson Mendela's funeral.

Blogger homesteader December 02, 2018 11:00 AM  

When it comes to females-

If you lie, you cry.

They are The Furies when it comes to Wormtongue deceptiveness.

Be honest. Be faithful. Be worthy.

And pour all your being into ONE woman. The rest, politely ignore.

I suspect women's "Gamma Fury" is an evolved defense mechanism against egg poaching...

Blogger Dirk Manly December 02, 2018 11:01 AM  

@14

"After a couple of beers, knew a guy who had a special handshake, but then he was a homosexual."

Uh.... there's no hand on the end of your short arm.

Blogger Dirk Manly December 02, 2018 11:04 AM  

@15

"The production assistant should have been warned by her manager from the start that physical affection is absolutely inappropriate in a professional setting."

This is the entertainment industry.
What passes for "professional ethics" amongst themselves is known to the rest of the world as "beer-soaked fraternity blow-out"

Blogger Emmett Fitz-Hume December 02, 2018 11:16 AM  

That account of Tyson's was downright creepy. She wanted to wreck a marriage and he wanted to give a Tickle-Me Elmo handshake.

Eeeewwwwww.

Blogger Damelon Brinn December 02, 2018 11:33 AM  

He wasn't going to wreck his marriage, but he sure was going to let the young lady do it for him, if that's what she wanted to do.

Yep. He says her job was ending in a few days, so he could have waited a week and asked her out with no workplace involved. But then it would have been clear what it was about, and she might have told his wife.

'“If I hug you I might just want more.” My intent was to express restrained but genuine affection.'

Yeah, and she knew just what it meant. She probably picked up on his interest from that and dozens of other signals. Her continued hugging attempts were probably to try to sort out the mixed messages: "Why won't this rich, famous guy make the move I've been expecting since I was assigned to him?"

Blogger Stilicho December 02, 2018 12:13 PM  

Joe Biden wants to learn secret Indian handshake asap.

Blogger Ominous Cowherd December 02, 2018 12:18 PM  

Stilicho wrote:Joe Biden wants to learn secret Indian handshake asap.

Creepy Joe should contact Elizabeth Warren asap. I'm sure she can teach him 1/1024th of it.

Blogger Argus Bacchus December 02, 2018 12:28 PM  

"No hugs, no special handshakes, no wine-and-cheese evenings."

No nothing. Unless you are my wife, a family member or a long-trusted friend, you are cordially invited to stand the fuck back and get away from me, unless I indicate otherwise. Which is not likely.

You're welcome.

Blogger Harsh December 02, 2018 12:34 PM  

Worst fake white guy ever.

Blogger DJT December 02, 2018 12:37 PM  

“If I hug you I might just want more.”

What an autistic thing to say.

Blogger DJT December 02, 2018 12:39 PM  

No nothing. Unless you are my wife, a family member or a long-trusted friend, you are cordially invited to stand the fuck back and get away from me, unless I indicate otherwise. Which is not likely.

Those are called normal healthy boundaries, and they don't exist anymore.

Blogger Jay in DC December 02, 2018 12:57 PM  

WHERE DA WHITE WIMMINZ AT! Took a couple of pages from Cosby's playbook I see. And I don't blame the guy. If I was a rich / famous black dude I'd be attempting to capture as many white women as possible because they are the most prized trophy on earth among all races, this is objective fact.

But I'm also happy to see any lefty being burned down on their own funeral pyre and hoisted on their own petard. Let it all burn.

Entitled Western White Wahmen wanted a 1984 world of sterile interaction, congrats, you are going to get it good & hard. Enjoy flicking your bean all alone, you've become radioactive to any man with even a small amount to lose. I support POUND ME TOO. (ironic naming, that)

Blogger Jack Amok December 02, 2018 1:14 PM  

After reading that, I feel like I need to go lift weights and eat some red meat.

Blogger DJT December 02, 2018 1:18 PM  

I heard that Epic Rap Battles of History is coming back. We need Neil Degrasse Tyson vs. Bill Cosby.

Blogger inthebriarpatch December 02, 2018 1:38 PM  

Mike Pence rules.

Blogger Unknown December 02, 2018 1:57 PM  

"on a few occasions, clumsily declared, “If I hug you I might just want more.”

That is a 5-star failure right there, and if the wording is any indication, he made this mistake more than once. Wow.

Blogger VFM #7634 December 02, 2018 2:17 PM  

"They react very negatively to male incongruity, and as a black man and media celebrity, Tyson's behavior would have struck them as bizarrely incongruous. Where is that confrontation-seeking boldness that was portrayed on the Big Bang Theory?"

This might be related to why race-mixing by black women with white men has been exploding in the last decade: black men have been picking up enough Gamma behavior from white liberal Democrats that it's ruining their reputation for masculine badassery among black women, who are most familiar with them.

Blogger Nate73 December 02, 2018 2:26 PM  

If she was leading him on why didn't she go all the way and seduce him? If Tyson's behavior creeped her out why did it take a "secret Indian handshake" to finally bring it home to her?

Blogger Alex December 02, 2018 3:32 PM  

“You extend your thumb forward during the handshake to feel the other person’s vital spirit energy -- the pulse.”

Vital spirit energy? What the hell? I thought this guy was a proud atheist.

Blogger Houston December 02, 2018 4:09 PM  

"Vital spirit energy? What the hell? I thought this guy was a proud atheist."

It marks him as what Vox would call a Low Church atheist.

Blogger Student in Blue December 02, 2018 4:12 PM  

Remember, "atheist" simply means "anti-(specific religion)". They never truly believe in no gods, they just really really don't like one specific religion.

There's a difference between an anti-Christian atheist and an anti-Shinto atheist, for example.

Blogger The Deplorable Podunk Ken Ramsey December 02, 2018 4:15 PM  

Secret special handshake learned from a mystical Indian elder at the lip of the Grand Canyon??? Wow. Hahaha

Blogger haus frau December 02, 2018 4:29 PM  

@41 "If she was leading him on why didn't she go all the way and seduce him? If Tyson's behavior creeped her out why did it take a "secret Indian handshake" to finally bring it home to her?"

She liked the attention from a famous guy. Male attention is its own goal thats why its called "leading him on". She doesnt necessarily want sexual involvement, just the flirty dance that leads up to it.
Its possible she may have been interested in sleeping with him at one point but his awkwardness turned her off.

Blogger VFM #7634 December 02, 2018 4:43 PM  

@haus frau

Yeah, it's always awkward when the female urge to collect orbiters clashes with the potential orbiters being Gamma.

Blogger Nate73 December 02, 2018 5:47 PM  

The logical next is to separate male and female workplaces. Because if a good chunk of men are gammas, then the women in their workplaces will be constantly drawing them into orbit for attention and then accusing them of rape when they ask her out for wine and cheese.

Blogger bob kuk mando ( everything has Consequences. that what makes them Consequences ) December 02, 2018 6:45 PM  

VD
I actually tend to believe that the nerdling Tyson didn't genuinely hit on these women


i doubt it.

i suspect rather he's pretending to be a nerdling. he's got no problem manhandling women, as can be seen from that tatted up astronomer chick he was pawing over.

also, this:
"I note that her final gesture to me was the offer of a hug, which I accepted as a parting friend."

a woman has come to you and told you that your creeper behavior offended her. offended her to *such an extent* that she's going to quit her job with just a couple of days left before it ended anyways.

NOW she's going in for a hug?

absolute bullshit.

this sounds like a pedo saying the child made them do it.

Blogger Alex December 02, 2018 6:56 PM  

@Student in Blue

I’ve never encountered any kind of atheist except for the anti-Christian type. I didn’t know anti-anything else kinds existed except in myth and legend.

Another commonality: Christianity is “superstitious woo” but all pagan, folk, secret-handshake, rock-worshipping kind of stuff is to be venerated and respected because it’s the “wisdom of the ages.”

Blogger Alex December 02, 2018 6:56 PM  

@Houston

I see. I’ll have to look up the definition of Low Church atheist then.

Blogger AvocadoBob December 02, 2018 7:07 PM  

Now the question is...do Black Lives Matter or should we Believe All Women?

Blogger wreckage December 02, 2018 7:08 PM  

That was a horrifying, horrifying read. And I'm a bloody autistic. But I suspect he is playing up the "poor little nerdy me and my social helplessness" to garner some sympathy. He strikes me as a guy who thinks he's hot sh**, so I don't buy the awkward self-reflection.

Blogger VD December 02, 2018 7:29 PM  

i suspect rather he's pretending to be a nerdling

He's not. He is a huge dork.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 02, 2018 8:00 PM  

I got out of that his hometown hobbies are race and gender.

Blogger CYGNUS FACETIOUS December 02, 2018 8:02 PM  

At least Bill Nye has a touch of the cadaverous sociopathy going for him; Based Science Dindu is used to being fawned over like a sable unicorn within academia and believes this is surely transferable to the sociosexual hierarchy beyond pathological coal burners. The (((Einsteins))) use the De Grasse Tysons for physics muscle.

Blogger Were-Puppy December 02, 2018 8:11 PM  

Tysons super secret special Indian elder given name is "Protruding Thumb".

Blogger bob kuk mando ( everything has Consequences. that what makes them Consequences ) December 02, 2018 10:56 PM  

i'm not disputing that he's a huge dork. that's why the women are having misgivings about him.

i'm pointing out that i don't for one second believe that:
a - the "handshake" was the only physical contact between Grabass Tyson and the chick in the evening in question

b - that IF the "goodbye hug" happened THEN Tyson most likely also initiated it

Blogger wreckage December 03, 2018 1:38 AM  

It was an ancient and spiritual Pawnee Indian Prolonged Facial Lick. She totally misunderstood it.

Blogger wreckage December 03, 2018 1:40 AM  

By it, one can detect the unique savour, or musk, of the person's true Spirit Animal; it is said to be akin to the cooked flesh of that same animal, which is all I meant when I invited her to "taste my meat".

Political correctness has gone too far!

Blogger linesy December 03, 2018 1:59 AM  

The same people who chuckle derisively at the Mike Pence rule, now fire up the burning crosses for ever slimmer reasons. The schizophrenia is built into the ideology, keep those fires burning leftists, what could possibly go wrong?

Blogger SciVo December 03, 2018 2:54 AM  

A non-exhaustive list of possibilities:

1. There was no "Native elder." Neal made it up as cover for a last-ditch move.

2. It honestly never occurred to him that the "special handshake" was a move.
2a. There actually was a Native elder, and Neal really was just being sweet.
2b. There was no "Native elder," but there was a gay man hitting on tourists, and Neal is so autistic that to this very day he still doesn't know he was hit on.

3. Neal didn't care whether the "Native elder" was for real or not, because his profession has given him a finely tuned gaydar... and he swings both ways. It was totally a move, and he used it because it worked on him.

Blogger Duke Norfolk December 03, 2018 5:26 AM  

Nate73 wrote:The logical next is to separate male and female workplaces. Because if a good chunk of men are gammas, then the women in their workplaces will be constantly drawing them into orbit for attention and then accusing them of rape when they ask her out for wine and cheese.

This. And extend that separation to schools as well. Society would be soooo much better off for it.

Blogger camcleat December 03, 2018 8:18 AM  

With very little backstory, I read solely the paragraph about the secret handshake to my wife and teen aged daughter. It creeped them both out.

My wife tried the handshake-thumb move out to see what he was talking about. She said something that was effectively "sick f$%ker." Her response was in part against the physical action, but also against him trying to cover that up as some spiritual, deep meaning the woman was supposed to feel lucky to have learned. Yeah, right.

Females have an instinctive Gammadar, and they sure don't like it when it pings.

Blogger Student in Blue December 03, 2018 7:24 PM  

@50. Alex
I’ve never encountered any kind of atheist except for the anti-Christian type. I didn’t know anti-anything else kinds existed except in myth and legend.

You won't find them in anywhere that's presumably a Christian nation, post-Christian or not.

I believe Vox touches on this a bit in The Irrational Atheist.

Blogger Zeroh Tollrants December 04, 2018 6:50 AM  

This is a stale old pick up line that I had guys use on me 25 yrs ago. It was gamma creepy then, it's is gamma creepy now.
He can pretend it was a friendship thing all he wants, but no one should buy it.

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