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Tuesday, August 13, 2019

How to be Straight

Milo Yiannopoulos is not straight, but that’s never stopped him from handing out excellent advice. And let’s face it, heterosexuals need it. Milo has spent his entire life advocating for the most brutally repressed minority on the planet—straight people. In this book, the Grand Marshal of the Boston Straight Pride Parade explains what straight people are getting wrong in 21st-century America and how to keep your pecker up in a world that seems increasingly hostile to heteros. One day, says Milo—if the injunctions in this book are followed—straight people will be able to openly express pride in themselves without fear of judgement or hate, just like everyone else.

In today’s America, few are brave enough to be openly heterosexual. For the rest of us, there’s HOW TO BE STRAIGHT.

Milo Yiannopoulos is an award-winning journalist, a New York Times-bestselling author, an international political celebrity, a free speech martyr, a comedian, an accomplished entrepreneur, a hair icon, a penitent and, to the annoyance of his many enemies, an exceedingly happy person. He is the most censored, most lied-about man in the world, banned from stepping foot on entire continents for his unapologetic commitment to free expression.

HOW TO BE STRAIGHT is available for $2.99 at Amazon and in EPUB/Kindle formats at Arkhaven. A paperback edition will be available soon. And while you're at it, be sure you haven't missed Milo's other books:

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12 Comments:

Blogger Brett baker August 13, 2019 9:11 AM  

At the very least, we'll know how to look good acting straight!

Blogger Lovekraft August 13, 2019 9:13 AM  

Flaming homosexual and happy is an oxymoron. Everyone knows that.

Bitter single men who have resisted surrendering our self respect are happy. Not an oxymoron. Sure, Milo tells himself he's fabulous, but until he repents and renounces, how can he truly call himself a man and speak for other men?

Blogger Timmy3 August 13, 2019 9:15 AM  

$2.99 isn’t a big risk, but it’s pretty much common sense where we lack it.

Blogger dc.sunsets August 13, 2019 9:21 AM  

Next up, "How to be racist."

Just kidding. I figure that eventually being confrontational to the point of calling someone names will yield an existential personal crisis from which only one of them will emerge, and after a minuscule amount of that occurs, people will learn to better mind their manners.

All this name-calling only works because of the We Are The World ethos of the herd, making it psychically painful to be ostracized in any way. I look forward to when a 15-year-old, called a homophobe, responds with a question that invokes the icky-factor, something that conjures an image in the name-caller's mind that's gross to the level of inducing nausea.

Homosexuality (the male kind) exists under a thick blanket of obfuscation and sophistry. Call anal sex what it is, just the grossest of the vices that now saturate our society. Eventually we will no longer be surrounded by savages who've raised impulsive, self-destructive action to a religious sacrament.

In the meantime, there's but one response for being verbally attacked: indifference. Those who argue just enable mental illness.

Blogger Quicksilver August 13, 2019 9:22 AM  

"advocating for the most brutally repressed minority on the planet—straight people."

Wait, what?

Blogger Garuna August 13, 2019 10:14 AM  

Milo is great

Blogger P Glenrothes August 13, 2019 11:44 AM  

When Milo took his high school aptitude test, I'm certain it suggested he pursue a career as a matador.

Blogger peacefulposter August 13, 2019 12:03 PM  

@4 dc sunsets - Next up, "How to be racist."

Better, "How to be white."

"straight (white) people will be able to openly express pride in themselves without fear of judgement or hate, just like everyone else."

Blogger dc.sunsets August 13, 2019 12:11 PM  

@8 I'm very literal-minded. I still don't understand how a person of any race can simultaneously love the gibsmedats the peoples of European ancestry built but openly scream at the builders. But then again, it's normal to hate those whose very existence shames you. Kinda explains why the useless fields of academic study attract lunatic leftists.

Blogger Dirk Manly August 13, 2019 1:00 PM  

@9

"@8 I'm very literal-minded."

That and a 2nd mortgage on your house will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

"I still don't understand how a person of any race can simultaneously love the gibsmedats the peoples of European ancestry built but openly scream at the builders."

Stupidity is defined by how it behaves. And that right there is the behavior of stupidity. Sheesh.

Blogger peacefulposter August 13, 2019 1:40 PM  

@9 - Same reason why welfare recipients are often resentful.

BTW, I realize that "How to be white" is inaccurate but easier to say than "How to be French in France" or "How to be Swedish in Sweden" or, more confusingly, "How to be American in America".

In any event, this should by no means take away from "How to be Straight" which is freaking genius, especially when written by a dangerous faggot.

Looking forward to reading it.

Blogger weka August 13, 2019 4:40 PM  

Read. Excellent jokes.

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