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Thursday, October 31, 2019

Wait, what?

Captain Europa is NOT amused by Marvel moving in on his turf:
In a move to make Captain America more appealing to a modern audience, Marvel announced Monday the iconic comic and film character will be rebooted as Captain Globalism.

"The very idea of America is offensive and outdated," said a Marvel rep. "There are billions of people who weren't able to relate to Captain America because of his triggering name and crude stars-and-stripes-colored uniform and shield. They'll feel much more at home with Cap now that his goal is to break down all borders and unite everybody under a New World Order."
What about global income equality? What about the Global Justice Initiative?


On a not-entirely-unrelated note, people seem to be discovering the ATOB audiobook on Audible in a big way.
Amazon Author Rank
  • #30 in Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Science Fiction
  • #67 in Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy

Labels: ,

64 Comments:

Blogger D Zniger October 31, 2019 2:35 PM  

you had me for a second...the world is getting crazier by the minute, so one has to count with almost everything

Blogger New Atlantis Lost October 31, 2019 2:38 PM  

Captain Europa’s origin story? A man disgraced by his nation, offered redemption in Europe where he could fight for the ONE humanity, not a singular people! Can he overcome the ghosts of his “American” past? Volume 1 of Captain Europa: Origin! In stores now!

Babylon Bee is with the times

Blogger CM October 31, 2019 2:40 PM  

It shouldn't be this hard to tell if something is satire.

Blogger Ostar October 31, 2019 2:42 PM  

DC has already had Superman renounce his American citizenship for that of the World, so this sadly sounded possible at first....

Blogger Balkan Yankee October 31, 2019 2:42 PM  

Babylon Bee for the Win!

Blogger Fergus October 31, 2019 2:45 PM  

I'm outraged as Captain America was the iconic patriotic superhero in which a scrawny raw recruit soldier is transformed into a juggernaut fighting the enemy.

Now Captain Globalism becomes the icon for villiany.

Blogger #7139 October 31, 2019 2:47 PM  

I am surprised Marvel hasn't done this already for real.

Blogger Angela October 31, 2019 2:51 PM  

Haha... for real. It's almost believable these days.

Blogger Macs October 31, 2019 2:54 PM  

Link to where I can get AH vol 1? Amazon not playing ball?

Blogger New Atlantis Lost October 31, 2019 2:58 PM  

The dang “Alien” was just a paper American anyway! Bah, humbug! ...My wife is already decorating for Christmas.

Blogger Fergus October 31, 2019 3:04 PM  

I celebrate the nativity of Jesus Christ and his resurrection every day, but do not celebrate pagan holidays traced to Saturnalia and Astarte.

Blogger Ingot9455 October 31, 2019 3:04 PM  

You laugh, but this is why Captain America was called The First Avenger overseas. Still made bank. But the justification is word for word and it was 10+ years ago.

Blogger Joe Smith October 31, 2019 3:07 PM  

What the... is this for real? They're actually not even pretending anymore? I'm surprised, but I can't figure out why.

Blogger Joe Smith October 31, 2019 3:08 PM  

@13 Oh, OK, egg on my face. I didn't click the link first! But it was actually believable is the problem.

Blogger Daniel October 31, 2019 3:10 PM  

Too late, Joe Smith. Captain Globalism has been watching you.

Blogger VD October 31, 2019 3:16 PM  

Link to where I can get AH vol 1?

Click the cover.

Blogger thalios October 31, 2019 3:21 PM  

The rainbow and the hand-holding people on the shield... HA HA HA HA. That is outstanding work.

Blogger Arthur Isaac October 31, 2019 3:29 PM  

You can't parody the left.

Blogger RobertDWood October 31, 2019 3:39 PM  

The train is fine

Blogger Azure Amaranthine October 31, 2019 3:46 PM  

Getting better at catching the bee without having to look at the links.

Oh, who am I kidding. This fruit was just too low to be real, even though that's an amazing feat in itself.

That being said, they're already setting up to do something like this. Destruction of the cap is complete. Now all they have to do is introduce a perversity icon as the newer more righteous version of him.

Blogger Mocheirge October 31, 2019 3:47 PM  

thalios wrote:The rainbow and the hand-holding people on the shield... HA HA HA HA. That is outstanding work.

I find it distressingly binary. It just alternates two genders, when we should be worried that there is not enough room on the insignia for every gender. Another problem is that Africa is only partially represented in the map, while Asia is forgotten entirely. (it's ok that Australia is missing because they are not colored)

However, the metallic sheen makes the figures look colored or not colored depending on the angle of the light. That's what we should be aiming for: chromatic diversity, but only under certain situations or from certain perspectives. Strip away the superficial illumination, and we are all the same.

Blogger tantonj October 31, 2019 3:50 PM  

It would be pretty hilarious if they had the balls to do this. You know they want to, marvel wouldn't survive it.

Blogger Silent Draco October 31, 2019 3:53 PM  

Niche marketing for AH, all right. Captain Euope or Europa comes up in the search, and ...

Blogger Wazdakka October 31, 2019 3:57 PM  

ATOB appears to be free on audible. I don't understand the business model.
How are authors rewarded by Amazon?

Blogger Dave October 31, 2019 3:58 PM  

An ATOB reviewer on Amazon said "once I started I did not stop until I finished it three days later"

That's a feather in the cap of the author and perhaps a sign of the reviewer's madness.

Blogger The Only Cigar in the Box October 31, 2019 4:02 PM  

I can't wait for Captain Mohammad Islam and his long-lost friend, Tucky Transgender (who had been brainwashed by backwater Christian rednecks), as they battle white supremacists and sexist incels in America's heartland.

Blogger Azure Amaranthine October 31, 2019 4:03 PM  

"I find it distressingly binary. It just alternates two genders, when we should be worried that there is not enough room on the insignia for every gender."

Where my beard and dress zits at.

Blogger Fergus October 31, 2019 4:07 PM  

Dang it, you successfully pushed my outrage button with your satire. Jonathan Swift 2.0

Blogger VD October 31, 2019 4:13 PM  

ATOB appears to be free on audible.

All books are free on Audible. Subscribers get one or two free every month.

Blogger Chiva October 31, 2019 4:14 PM  

The ATOB audio book was an excellent listen. Glad it is finding traction on the audible website.

ATOB is in the selection of titles in the current two for one sale. A very good deal.

Blogger Nikolai Collushnikov October 31, 2019 4:16 PM  

Had me until I clicked the link. Genuine satire is impossible in %CURRENT_YEAR%

Blogger Skyler the Weird October 31, 2019 4:20 PM  

They already have Kamila Khan, Ms Marvel who seems to be a White SJW given a Hajib and Brownface and never acts anything like a pious Muslim 1st generation Pakistani. Her father hasn't attempted an honor killing yet.

Blogger VD October 31, 2019 4:39 PM  

ATOB is in the selection of titles in the current two for one sale.

Ah, that explains it. I thought it was St. Algorithm smiling upon me.

Blogger Fergus October 31, 2019 5:23 PM  

One of the insidious changes to anthropology by the leftist intellectuals (which is an oxymoron) was to demonize ethnocentrism regarding western civilization while simultaneously fostering the fallacy that all cultures are equal. Both of these tactics were Luciferian. Then test non-critical thinkers who are also naive and looking for authority while rejecting the authority of their youth. Voila...meet the SJW.

Vox Day as a Defender of the Faith is reversing this and his eloquence and logic easily annihilates the whining limp wrist effete degenerate subversive leftist.

Blogger pdwalker October 31, 2019 5:31 PM  

ya bastard. you got me with that one.

reality is so close to parody that i always have to double check now.

Blogger Dave Dave October 31, 2019 5:35 PM  

I prefer the Alt-hero and Watchmen breed of superhero how they're state funded busybodies who love attention but don't help anybody to the Marvel style how they're all fucking losers until they get gifted magic powers and are then the best ever and have women throwing themselves at them.

Blogger Cataline Sergius October 31, 2019 5:45 PM  

Captain Globalism

Honestly, it's better than anything Marvel has come up with lately.

At least it would have comedic value.

That counts as entertainment.

Blogger Tino October 31, 2019 5:52 PM  

Captain 1776?

Blogger Cataline Sergius October 31, 2019 5:53 PM  

@37

And speaking of unintended comic entertainment.

Batwoman is so bad it’s hilarious. From the groaningly awful, ‘you go girl,’ dialog. To the terrible CGI. We get to see incompetent screenplays being brought to near life by utterly wooden performances, under the watchful eye of an apparently comatose director.
We all knew that this was going to be something special when we saw the trailer and Gozer the Gozerian is told that Batman’s “suit is literal perfection.”

And she replies, “It will be…when it fits a woman.”

Blogger Calvin809 October 31, 2019 6:23 PM  

The question is how quickly will the Babylon Bee become reality

Blogger Lovekraft October 31, 2019 6:26 PM  

Something we have seen emerge in the past year or so is the left's tactic of locking down/countering criticism. Locking threads, banning dissidents, massaging revenue numbers etc. We don't always see small victories like this.

Before, they just churned out their garbage and expected the public to lap it up. Now they have to either commit resources or push censorship to get through the criticism.

Blogger Sicilian switchblade October 31, 2019 6:44 PM  

I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say this article and concept won't even be satire a year from now.

Blogger Nostromo October 31, 2019 6:46 PM  

Babylon Bee...penned entirely by males, no doubt.

Blogger SDaly October 31, 2019 7:06 PM  

Is there a schedule for next AltHero issues?

Blogger Chief_Tuscaloosa October 31, 2019 7:16 PM  

Now that the Captain Globalism campaign has borne fruit, can we PLEASE get Caitlyn Jenner cast as Wonder Woman? Isn't it time?!

Blogger MidnightSun October 31, 2019 7:50 PM  

Not realizing it was from The Bee, I just shook my head and said "What next?" and "Is there anything sacred left on this good earth that God gave us?" I was not even surprised because as we have become accustomed to they destroy everything good, true and beautiful.
A couple years back I would've been shocked, blood a boilin' and veins a burstin.'
Nowadays: Just went on to read the next post. No emotion. No surprise.

I hate them!

Blogger Newscaper312 October 31, 2019 7:54 PM  

@39 I'd deliberately avoided everything about the new Batwoman show, but stumbled across it when it aired and watched about two minutes. It was THAT scene. Holy hell that was the most cringeworthy thing Ive seen on TV in a while.
All it needed to make the point without being an anvil was "It will be... When it fits me." Nope, too subtle gotta beat them over the head with it.

Blogger Ultrahardcore October 31, 2019 7:59 PM  

Wait...seriously?!
So is he supposed to be a hero or villain?
I can't tell from their description.

Blogger Salden October 31, 2019 7:59 PM  

>who seems to be a White SJW given a Hajib and Brownface and never acts anything like a pious Muslim 1st generation Pakistani

In other words, she acts like a Murica Muslim off the streets. Islam in America has a deeply racial component, and ultimately notable less to do with following proper scripture. It's akin to how modern day Jews have more to do with hating Whitey for muh Crusades and muh Holocaust then following the law of the Patriarchs.

Blogger Ultrahardcore October 31, 2019 8:10 PM  

Oh it's parody. You never know these days.
Guess that should be a lesson in commenting before checking the link.

Blogger Dan Karelian October 31, 2019 8:12 PM  

Good for ATOB regardless of the sale. When can we expect Hitler In Hell on Arkhaven mp3 or Audible?

Blogger Ray - SoCal October 31, 2019 8:37 PM  

It’s sad when until I went to the link, I did not think it was parody, but another typical marvel decision...

Blogger Fergus October 31, 2019 8:54 PM  

Re 28, look up A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift.

Blogger Unknown October 31, 2019 9:14 PM  

Not trying to derail. Why is my unauthorized.tv account not updating with new darkstreams?

Blogger VD October 31, 2019 9:55 PM  

Why is my unauthorized.tv account not updating with new darkstreams?

Because I'm getting caught up with a number of things post-Spain.

Blogger Newscaper312 October 31, 2019 10:22 PM  

Just saw an ad on TV for something possibly worse than Batwoman...
Apple TV pimping one of their first streaming series they've produced.
It is about an alt-History Apollo space prgram where the Soviets have beat us to the Moon but for some reason its still imperative we go too.
Apparently all this is just so the writers can inject grrl power women astronauts into the late 1960's. Name of the show is "For All Mankind" which appears to be some backhand feminist snark.
WTF, not enough to converge Iron man, Thor, Batman, etc, now a target is Neil Armstrong.

Blogger Damelon Brinn October 31, 2019 10:31 PM  

The explosion in streaming services and the need for moar content to fill them all means a lot of SJWs are being tossed budgets with even less oversight than usual by anyone who would rein them in. So instead of shows with subtle subversive elements that increase over time, you get ugly lesbians snarking about men right from the opening scene.

Blogger map November 01, 2019 12:08 AM  

Captain Europa and his evil enemy...General Income-Inequality.

It's Captain Planet vs. General Disarray.

Blogger boogeyman November 01, 2019 12:15 AM  

Stop Giving Marvel ideas!

The Babylon Bee isn't a satire site. It's a digital window into our dystopian future.

Blogger Sean November 01, 2019 3:23 AM  

I reckon if it wasn't for Captain Globalism and it was some other more "progressive" term such as Captain One World or something, it would've been almost hard to differentiate reality from satire.

Blogger Sgt Polite November 01, 2019 4:58 AM  

Babylon Bee is based. I think they know about Q too, the other day they ran a Moloch says you can now sacrifice your boys by making them girls story.

Blogger Daniel November 01, 2019 6:58 AM  

Same thinking here

Blogger wgmeisheid November 01, 2019 3:06 PM  

Just looked at its current ranking and it is:
#2 in Military Fantasy (Books)
#3 in Military Science Fiction (Books)
#2 in Military Science Fiction (Audible Books & Originals)

So yes, it is definitely finding an audience.

Blogger spinoza November 01, 2019 11:46 PM  

Create new genres, who would they have his villain be named?

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