Saturday, May 23, 2020

Luke Skytranny

The Devil Mouse is taking their raping of Generation X's collective childhood memories to a whole new level.

Disney is also rewriting The Battle of Hoth.
The first scene sees a Rebel soldier then tell Leia, “General, there’s a fleet of Star Destroyers coming out of hyperspace in sector four.”

Leia responds, “It’s risky but, we can’t hold out much longer.”

From the very beginning the short is altering what actually happened in The Empire Strikes Back. What actually happened is that a Rebel soldier informs General Rieekan of the Imperial fleet emerging out of hyperspace.

As you can see in the clip below, the soldier tells Rieekan, “General, there is a fleet of Star Destroyers coming out of hyperspace in Sector 4.”

Rieekan responds, “Reroute all power to the energy shield. Gotta hold them until all transports are away. Prepare for ground assault.”

Not only does the short remove Rieekan completely, but it also refers to Leia as General. She did not use that title in The Empire Strikes Back. She was referred to as Princess. In fact, she didn’t take on the title of General until she formed the Resistance in Disney’s sequel trilogy.

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Blogger C May 23, 2020 9:07 PM  

Well, they can try, but nothing's ever going to beat the old EU from my heart. The X-Wing novels were some of my favorite books growing up. I'll always dig them up occasionally and skim them fondly. I am going to forget this drawing of Skywalker because it and all the other basic bitch SJW comic art just blends together.

Blogger Dr. J May 23, 2020 9:44 PM  

A few years ago, I dropped what at the time felt like too much cash on an unopened E-Bay SW DVD set that included bonus discs. These discs held the unaltered, un-Lucased ret-con wide screen original films. "A New Hope" doesn't appear on the crawl. Han shoots first. There aren't 5,000 awkwardly inserted digital extras.

These are the only SW films my kids will ever know.

Blogger Ransom Smith May 23, 2020 9:45 PM  

They're so desperate to try to make strong empowered female characters.
Which is hilarious since the EU novels already had Mara Jade who fit that role alongside being a foil for the much cooler Master Luke Skywalker.

Blogger Glen Sprigg May 23, 2020 10:18 PM  

They just introduced their first gay main character in a new short, called 'Out.' Well, I'm going to take the name of that to heart, and I'm out. I wasn't buying anything Disney anymore anyway. Good riddance to useless garbage. Now, back to the Moon Pool...

Blogger Yossarian May 23, 2020 11:00 PM  

The selling phrase "It's going to be bigger than Star Wars" seems delusional now. Let's wait 10 years.

Blogger Ingot9455 May 23, 2020 11:18 PM  

Not a penny.

Blogger tublecane May 23, 2020 11:33 PM  

Does anyone remember Luke in Return of the Jedi? You might almost forgive the audience for thinking he might have turned bad between movies, because he shows up at Jabba's place wearing black, choking pigs, and laying down threats. Very masculine.

Can't rule out the possibility that no one involved with the comic ever saw that movie, but almost certainly this is deliberate inversion. Which won't stop until they're broke.

Princess Leia rather than inversion gets doubling down. In the original they "subverted expectations" concerning the damsel in distress role and made her a pushy bitch. But at least smartmouthed Han Solo was around to knock her down. I shudder to think what they do with Solo.

From what I saw of the Disney movies, all the women are bitches and no one Solos them, except for smelly suicidal hermit Luke a bit.

Blogger Bobiojimbo May 23, 2020 11:47 PM  

Wow. That's disgusting.

Disney's Marvel Comics have been making Luke feminine for a while, but that takes the cake. If you google search Marvel Comics Luke Skywalker, you'll see. You'll also notice that they make Han look like a Neanderthal.

Won't be surprised if Disney comes out and says Luke is trans.

Blogger God Emperor Memes May 24, 2020 12:06 AM  

I'm just surprised they didn't draw Luke as a Furry.

Blogger Doktor Jeep May 24, 2020 12:41 AM  

I think they are doing it purely out of hate at this point.

Blogger Nihil Dicit May 24, 2020 12:42 AM  

It must be a terrible struggle for Disney to not have Leia destroy the Empire just by running out and waving her vag at them. Probably saving that move for the Afro-Asian lesbian genius space pilot that will be replacing Lando.

Blogger rognuald May 24, 2020 12:43 AM  

Wait, that pic is supposed to be Luke? Thought it was a hysterical college girl.

Blogger cecilhenry May 24, 2020 12:51 AM  

They can't win.

They can only destroy what they envy.

But that will be enough for them.


Blogger furor kek tonicus ( according to the 13th Amendment, Slavery is neither Cruel nor Unusual: MSAGA ) May 24, 2020 12:53 AM  

so they're retconning Empire
so that now TLJ is a rip off of it?

Blogger Daniel May 24, 2020 1:08 AM  

Lesbian Dorito Knight

Blogger MaskettaMan May 24, 2020 1:52 AM  

Star Wars has always been whatever you want it to be. I remember an interview where Mark Hamill was proclaiming that Princess Leia would be crazy if she fell for Han Solo over Luke. So Leia was never Luke's sister to begin with.

Blogger Nostromo May 24, 2020 2:11 AM  

I haven't wasted a penny on these stains since JarJar Binks was a tadpole. Doesn't look like I'm going to change that practice.

Blogger Pseudotsuga May 24, 2020 2:36 AM  

No, Luke, Leia is your BROTHER. You are the sister.
And Darth Vader is actually your MOTHER.
It's a crazy, mixed up empire for my Luke-a...

Blogger Karen took the Kids May 24, 2020 2:57 AM  

The laziness is strong with this one. On the bright side, Luke is now a candidate to have her hair sniffed by Creepy Joe.

Blogger teslawasframed May 24, 2020 3:31 AM  

The X-Wing books were awesome! My younger brothers are working through Galaxy's Edge...they want to read the X-Wing series next.

Blogger teslawasframed May 24, 2020 3:34 AM  

They're definitely worth it. I'm glad I have the opportunity to show my son the same movies my dad showed me as a boy.

Blogger Amethyst Dominica May 24, 2020 3:38 AM  

Anonymous Conservative predicted that a society turning r-selected would feminize men and masculinize women. Leia can't be a princess (a feminine title) she must be a general (a traditionally masculine title.) Never mind that the title of general would knock her down a few pegs in leadership. A Princess (if she's a head of state or head of a resistance organization) always outranks a general. If Disney hated her being a princess (because royalty implies authority by Divine Right,) they could have given her a more democratic title, like President, Leader, or Premier. It makes no sense for Leia to be a general as why would the resistance let someone with no battlefield experience or rank in the military become a general? At most, she would hold a non-military, political position connected to the old Republic, like taking over her father's position and becoming a Senator.

But "general" sounds manly, so Leia has to be a general to undo thousands of years of the patriarchy holding back women from being the strong, powerful battlefield leaders that they were meant to be. (Although if women really were that strong, why would they allow ANYTHING to hold them back in the first place? Never mind, it's Social Justice! It doesn't HAVE to make sense!)

Blogger Laramie Hirsch May 24, 2020 5:57 AM  

For some reason, for me, that illustration of Luke calls to mind absurd imagery and gestures from The Phantom of the Paradise.

Blogger Shimshon May 24, 2020 6:03 AM  

Dr. J wrote:A few years ago, I dropped what at the time felt like too much cash on an unopened E-Bay SW DVD set that included bonus discs. These discs held the unaltered, un-Lucased ret-con wide screen original films. "A New Hope" doesn't appear on the crawl. Han shoots first. There aren't 5,000 awkwardly inserted digital extras.

These are the only SW films my kids will ever know.

What else did Lucas' grabbly little hands corrupt? The world must know...C3P0...when shiny...deep golden or light yellow?

Blogger boogeyman May 24, 2020 7:03 AM  

As has been said, evil can not create, it can only corrupt and destroy.

Blogger May 24, 2020 7:07 AM  

I thought that pic was a hysterical girl too.
How low can they go? The entertainment industry is so bad I'd like to see a moratorium on `entertainment`
That would be entertaining.

Blogger Damelon Brinn May 24, 2020 8:07 AM  

A few years ago, say around the time of The Force Awakens, if you went on fan forums and said this stuff was intentional and would only get worse, you got laughed off as a crazy conspiracy nut. They're not laughing so much now. Even normies are starting to realize it's too consistent to be simple incompetence. Everything that we cared about, every cultural touchstone, has to be perverted. Sometimes it's done with some competence, like TFA. But they increasingly don't have the patience for that, so it's like every show is being put through a gender-bending, men-emasculating, women-butch-ifying converter.

Blogger bramley May 24, 2020 8:27 AM  

Luke Sexworker

Blogger Mr.MantraMan May 24, 2020 8:34 AM  

No true virtuous principled conservative of high moral fibre and intellect would rub Mark Hamill's face in this. But Marcia Hamill does have a certain ring to it.

Blogger Pierre May 24, 2020 8:48 AM  

From Luke Skywalker to Luke Bendover. This franchise is already dead.

Blogger Nihil Dicit May 24, 2020 9:09 AM  

@22 - Just a call her "Comrade" and be done with it.

Blogger urthshu May 24, 2020 10:27 AM  

I don't mind that Star Wars is being destroyed but it's just such a boring way they're doing it. I get the impression they stole popular memes that already mocked the series then tried to sanitize them and make it all respectable or shoehorn it in and that loses all of its value as humor or shock or what have you.

Blogger Avalanche May 24, 2020 10:28 AM  

@22 " It makes no sense for Leia to be a general"

Of course it does. How could any of those neanderthal soldiers, other generals, and politicians EVER "respect" her and follow her orders if she was a princess! EEW. Ick.

Once the Warrior Princess was turned dyke, princesses are not allowed to run things! "Princess" is a patriarchy insult: it's a gir... that is ... a female or self-identifying-she-male who waits for the PRINCE to save her: can't have that!

Princes are anthema! Prince implies commoners, lesser beings, NOT-equals! And if you're trying to feminize little boys; NEVER let them see a Prince rescuing a Princess and living happily ever after! No no no!

Blogger thechortling May 24, 2020 10:39 AM  

Eventually the gamma writers will encounter the Dilbert paradox. Normal people will respond in anger and dismay at the gamma non-reality ... as in
today's strip

Blogger Balkan Yankee May 24, 2020 11:41 AM  

Death Star Disney does it again.

Blogger spinoza May 24, 2020 11:56 AM  

Gamma's are unable to hold a collective consensus about anything.

Blogger furor kek tonicus ( according to the 13th Amendment, Slavery is neither Cruel nor Unusual: MSAGA ) May 24, 2020 12:12 PM  

27. Damelon Brinn May 24, 2020 8:07 AM
Sometimes it's done with some competence, like TFA.

plagiarizing the original trilogy is "some competence"?

damn son, bar be gettin low.

Blogger Hammerli 280 May 24, 2020 12:38 PM  

The most troubling part is the malice. Making up your own PC stories is understandable. They may be lousy stories, but the desire to write them can be comprehended. But trying to go back and shove the work of others into your warped mold is nothing but malice.

Blogger John Bradley May 24, 2020 1:48 PM  

plagiarizing the original trilogy is "some competence"?

TFA gave the audience more-or-less what it wanted, and unsurprisingly made a boat-load of money. That's pretty much the definition of competent* filmmaking right there. Originality is overrated when the goal is to move product.

* Not to be confused with 'creative', 'ground-breaking', or 'artistic'.

Blogger RMChris May 24, 2020 4:14 PM  

Devilmouse sucks.

In the original Ep 4, Leia says “It’s risky but, we can’t hold out much longer", when Generall Rieekan cautions about trying to protect 2 transports at once instead of one at a time.

They apparently know they can't write for *%!$&, so are just cutting crap out to re-edit and remove all of the "EEEEVIL WHITE MANS" out of any association with "the good guys", erm.. "the good xirs"...

Blogger MrNiceguy May 24, 2020 6:04 PM  

My favorite series, too. If The Devil Mouse ever sells the franchise to someone with a brain, I'd love to see those books brought to screen.

Blogger MrNiceguy May 24, 2020 6:05 PM  

Be honest, though. Luke really did spend a lot of time acting like a whiny little bitch.

Blogger lowercaseb May 24, 2020 11:50 PM  

"That boy sure have a purty mouth"

(translated from Tuskin Raider)

Blogger Unknown May 25, 2020 12:29 AM  

I also don't remember seeing a bike thief during the original Battle Of Hoth

Blogger Brick Hardslab May 25, 2020 8:44 AM  

We got the same ones. We've only watched the originals. Much better even if the new ones are sharper and clearer

Blogger Brick Hardslab May 25, 2020 8:50 AM  

The original Empire had the best dialogue and action. Return of the Jedi was good and the first was pure magic.

Can't leave perfection alone far too wholesome and heroic. Wait for the reimagined Narnia to introduce a mixed race blended family. Lucy introduces Edmund to Mr Tumnus who gives him a good rogering, Peter and Susan are getting it on and Lucy and the white queen rule Narnia together as lovers. Perfect family fare.

Blogger Reprehensible Adam May 25, 2020 6:13 PM  

Vox why aren’t you persuing a SW comic book? I bet you could make a comic that would make an SJW scream in squatting stance.

Blogger Darren May 26, 2020 11:00 AM  

The Critical Drinker recently posted a video about the development of the Luke Skywalker character arc... in Episode IV he was a weak and whiny kid -- but through Empire and ROTJ he manned up. As happens in the typical Hero's Journey. Episodes 7 8 and 9 undid all that made him a Journey-Completed Hero.

Blogger Akulkis May 27, 2020 12:20 AM  

"Vox why aren’t you persuing a SW comic book? I bet you could make a comic that would make an SJW scream in squatting stance."

Are you volunteering to write them?

If not, don't ask questions that imply a demand for the efforts of others while you do nothing.

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